03x04 - Barbarossa

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Kingdom". Aired: November 24, 1994 - December 25, 2022.*
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Mrs. Drusse, a hypochondriac psychic, gets herself admitted to the Kingdom because she believes the hospital is haunted.
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03x04 - Barbarossa

Post by bunniefuu »

Ventricular fibrillation.
Prepare adrenaline.

One, two, three...

...seven, eight...

We have a sinus rhythm on the ECG.

Harrington scissors.
Suction. I can't see anything.

Turn up the suction.

You are aware that you've been
waiting two hours for Pontopidan?

I need to get to him
before he locks all his locks.

I have to be here when he arrives.

The treatment...

he has subjected me to
at this hospital,

he will have to answer to that.

Well, it's not solely
the fault of Dr Pontopidan

that we have all those traditions
and the court-martial.

My ass is his responsibility.

He's the bloody managing director.

I think he's an idiot.

Nothing new there.

SLICED CARROTS

Where the f*ck are my peas?

-He's here.
-Yes.

He's been in there all night.

Mrs. Svendsen,
I explicitly asked for peas,

medium-sized. For my neck.

I don't know
if it's written anywhere

that I'm obliged to
do private shopping

for a managing physician.

No, I'm sorry. That is
of course not written anywhere.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Every time Christmas is near
It starts freezing in Skåne

Snow covers every herb and shrub
And that's where they'll stay

Molak, molak, mak mak mak
Snow covers every...

Now the old idiot is bloody singing.

Molak, molak, mak mak mak...

"Molak, molak"? What is that?

Every time Christmas is near
It starts freezing in Skåne

Thank you. It's always the same.

Always the same mockery
of Sweden. It has to stop.

By the way, the cleaning guy...
Dr. Andersen. Has he arrived yet?

-No, he hasn't.
-I just remember

that I have another meeting now.

I have to go...

Hi, brother.

The Kingdom Hospital rests
on ancient marshland

where the bleaching ponds once lay.

Here the bleachers moistened
their great spans of cloth

in the shallow water
preparing for bleaching.

The steam from the wet cloth
shrouded the place in permanent fog.

Later the hospital was built here.

The bleachers gave way
to doctors and researchers,

the nation's brightest
and the most perfect technology.

To crown their work they called
the hospital The Kingdom.

Now life was to be charted,

and ignorance and superstition
should never again shake science.

Perhaps their arrogance
became too pronounced,

as well as their persistent
denial of the spiritual.

For it is as if the cold
and damp have returned.

Tiny signs of fatigue are appearing
in the solid, modern buildings.

No living person knows it yet,

but the gateway to The Kingdom
is opening once again.

THE KINGDOM

PART 12
BARBAROSSA

-Sausage with mash.
-Sausage with mash. Welcome.

-What are you doing in the lodge?
-I'm an alternate.

They don't know that I'm Swedish.

I'm spying on them
and reporting back to you.

Did you really
have to kick that hard?

Otherwise they would
have been suspicious.

Why the hell are you always
holding up your pants?

They didn't have any my size.

"I must learn from the Dane
where the hostility comes from."

There is nothing else to learn,
nothing else to understand.

I understand everything.
Now we must stick together.

I had a vision.

Now it's time for SA...
to gather... and fight.

23.00 is the time.

What's the name of our mission,
our fight?

-"Barbarossa"?
-Barbarossa! Yes?

I'm sure the professor already knows

that there's been another
Operation Barbarossa before.

Namely the German expansion
in the East during World w*r II.

A campaign that cost
four million lives.

The words might not be mine,

and they might be
a bit politically tarnished,

but our homeland did,
as far as I know,

not have any enemies
during World w*r II. None.

The word holds the zest we need.

-Barbarossa.
-Barbarossa.

-Barbarossa.
-Barbarossa.

They're very noisy today,
those Swedes.

Better than them being quiet.

The dog that barks will not bite.

When will the help arrive?

At the last minute, as always.

Why aren't you happy, Karen?

Everything went well.

-But I need...
-A sign. Everybody needs a sign.

SA has worked very hard

against the Swedish abuse
by the sewer Denmark.

But it's time to realise
that the wine-press is full.

It's time to realise
that we cannot grovel anymore.

Now we must stand up tall.

-Has the time come?
-Yes!

-Do you want Barbarossa?
-Yes!

-Do you want w*r?
-Yes!

-What time is it?
-10.30.

Jesus, I have a meeting.
I won't be long.

We'll make the strategy
for Barbarossa after lunch.

This is the ward
where they sh*t the second season.

It wasn't as good
as the first one, we know that.

Why are you following me?

It's uncomfortable.

Please stop it.

What's going on?

...Denmark's most famous
elevator, the real elevator,

where Mary manifested
for the first time in episode 1.

Really?

"Peace reign over country and town
all over The Kingdom."

"Peace reign all over The Kingdom."

"You have all made
a magnificent effort

for exactly peace and understanding
in this Tower of Babel."

"I also send my regards to
Greenland and the Faeroe Islands."

Well, my little Primus.
You found something to chew on.

And why not send my regards
to the animals?

The small and harmless,
who also benefit from this hospital.

Why? Why? Why not?

Now we're in the
neurosurgical ward on the 9th floor.

The heart of the series.
It was on this floor that we...

Follow me
to the most secret place of all.

This is Lars von Trier's
own private room.

Wasn't dad going home?

There's one thing to do first.

I've got you, you little rat!
Now the fists will talk!

The door will be securely locked
until my speech is finished.

Rake lightly the field,
it will yield.

Then hurry up, dammit!

He heard us. It's your fault.
You were noisy.

Hi-ya! Hi-ya!

What...

I'll be damned!

"Little long-toothed lout..."

"The lice lying low
live a long life."

"Long live life."

"Live life long!" A speech with L.

"The L-speech."

"Life... Life is loud."

Life... Life is loud.

"Let life be loud."

"The lemur lives life..."

"Live life!
Lamb's liver with lettuce."

Hi-ya?

Hi-ya!

That's disgusting!

-r*pist. Sexist bastard.
-Are you okay, Anna?

That's f*cking not okay.
Let us know if we can help.

Cheer up.

So many gifts accrue to us
that we didn't ask for.

Are the birds in the sky
your friends...

19.

Next. I asked her to wait outside

so we might reach a quick
agreement on this madness.

-What madness?
-A little cup of Swedish coffee?

-No.
-I'm quite busy,

but hopefully we can
handle this internally.

Internally? No, I have
a bad experience with internally.

I've just received an e-mail
from a Swedish guide,

who show people around the hospital.

He attached around 100 photos
that have already gone viral.

-They've gone what?
-The whole world can see the photos.

"r*pe at The Kingdom."

"See all the pictures here."

She claims that I r*ped her?

Let's say that, unfortunately,
she has implied it.

-Why did she do that?
-Because I recommended it.

She was extraordinarily violated
after your penetration.

Penetration? She jumped on me,

while she rambled on
about a snake on the floor.

She jumped on me! That is a lie.

Well, that's what you claim.

Wait here.

Come here.

-What the f*ck are you doing?
-My client feels violated. Right?

As the press release
so poetically says:

"My client would never voluntarily

end up in your gross,
sexual embrace."

Your lewdness is radiating
from every single photo.

Why do I feel that you are
a bit more her lawyer than mine?

Perhaps my sympathy
is affected in this clear case.

You feel violated, right?

-Yes, I feel violated.
-And it's started.

By whom? Not me, dammit.

-Yes.
-No.

-No.
-Not you?

-Yes.
-No!

I sense a certain disagreement,
and that's typical r*pe.

In order not to rush into
taking sides with one or the other

my advice to you has to be:

Pay.

All that to avoid talking about
a snake... that wasn't there.

I will say it again.
She jumped on me.

Well, you would surely
have liked that.

That's sick.

I'll appear a criminal.

Yes, but aren't all men?

If we assume that the thought
is as criminal as the act,

then we could lead the entire
male population to the scaffold.

-Pay now.
-I'll give you my price later today.

Dr. Andersen? Dr. Andersen!

Dr. Andersen? My carton!

Dr. Andersen, please wait.

Dr. Andersen?

Mr. hospital director.
Congratulations. It's coming!

I'll be damned.
I'm almost afraid to believe it.

Loaded landlord's lodging
lies lusciously...

Spare me.

I'll be damned.

I'll be damned.
Finally! The cyclotron.

Congratulations, hospital director.

-Where do you want the cyclotron?
-We have a foundation somewhere.

Even the smallest screw,
if that's what you use,

has been ready for two years.

Our technical director will come
and show you where.

Let's take a peak.

That's it.

And... why did they agree to
surrender the cyclotron in Skejby?

Anne-Lise's panties cannot
have made a big difference.

They said they got a newer model.

This goes to the radiation ward.
Congratulations, director.

-Throw it in the garbage!
-Are you sure about that?

You heard me.
Throw it in the f*cking garbage!

Yes, I guess that...

For your foot.

WART REMOVER

-Are you afraid now, Karen?
-Yes, now I'm afraid.

Karen.

I've been looking for you
all morning.

You have to wake up now.

-Karen.
-Is that you, Bulder?

Yes. I'm sorry I woke you up.
I don't think I'm supposed to.

I met one of the two doppelgängers.

My patient touched his copy.

And then they both disappeared.

I've always thought that there were
some kind of diabolical authority

in this whole replica affair.

There you are.

The tumour was benign but I found
something very strange inside it.

-What does this mean?
-But that's The Kingdom.

I have to go to sleep, so I can
bring you and Big Brother together.

It is strongly required now.

Come. Come.

Hurry.

Linseed oil...

Little long-toothed lout...

-Open the door!
-Let us in!

I'm sorry, Halmer.

The speech is still not finished.
You could say that...

-Please let us in.
-And Halmer is not around?

Come on!

Come on!

-I'm very sorry about that.
-Don't mention it.

A visit from a patient in your
own office makes it all worth...

-Well, I'm an orderly.
-Yes, and where would we be without?

Let the orderlies come to me
and do not hinder them.

I've had some of my best sleep
with orderlies.

Ah, there it is! Under the couch.

I was keeping it as evidence.
Don't think I took it for myself.

Please don't think that.
That is evidence.

Where should I put it?

I was just about to ask you
to get rid of it.

-But it's evidence.
-And that's why it must go.

Who are we to accuse?

Who are we to judge?
To throw the first stone?

-We would like to get out now.
-Yes, of course.

Everything has to be taken care of.
Nothing can be neglected.

Yet a small bird is singing

On a twig behind
the frozen window pane

I could keep going.
Language is my only real passion.

Life is loud. Let life be loud.

There they are!

Come, let's hide.

Open it, Bulder! It's locked.

Are you sleeping?

No.

-I'm from the countryside and...
-Yes, I get it.

I think the sound of Big Brother's
pulse can lull me to sleep.

As the fetus falls asleep
in the uterus...

under its mother's heart.

Rote Armee Fraktion,
a t*rror1st group in Germany,

that m*rder*d and kidnapped
based on the theory

that the state inevitably would

show its true n*zi face in response.

In the US, the Manson sect
worked using similar principles.

They k*lled while listening
to the Beatles song Helter Skelter.

Both groups' att*cks
originated from the idea

that a very few people's very few,
but well-chosen t*rror1st acts

can trigger a drastic societal...

societal upheaval.

Swedish Anonymous.
We're not very many,

but we have
our Swedish intelligence.

That's enough now.

Barbarossa is an operation
targeting this hospital,

that through our provocations
will be forced to its knees

and there show its true face.
Powerlessness, chaos, panic.

And through that,
the upper class' incompetence.

19,000 DANISH KRONER

Jesus Christ.

Go to the children's ward first.

f*cking pull yourself
together, Karen.

HELMER WAS

-What's going on?
-It's the spawn of Babylon.

Asta will pass around
a small leaflet.

It's a copy of the original,

that the allies handed out
in Germany during World w*r II.

It encourages people
to civil disobedience

and is a real gem
of suggestions for petty sabotage.

I enumerate:

Feign small illnesses.

Also of a venereal nature.

Spread the name
of the operation everywhere,

anytime, in the form
of graffiti and suchlike.

Waste time. Ask stupid questions,

and pretend you don't
understand the language.

Take many visits
to the bathroom. Often.

Order the wrong material
in much too large quantities.

Spill liquids. Anything.
Blood, urine, lighter fluid.

Start small fires "by accident"

and put them out
with way too much water.

In general, do things

that hinder and strongly reduce
the performance of the hospital.

Everyone should carry out
all the petty sabotage they can.

My name is Kalle and I'm Swedish.

Hi, Kalle.

Yes, this is not the agenda.

The clinical staff now has the
majority in the clothing committee

and in the hallway
you can see the first small victory.

KICK MY ASS
I'M THE ADMINISTRATION

I have an idea
I would like to share with you.

I suggest that we call
ourselves "Snapphens".

After "Snapphane".

Exactly. A guerrilla group
fighting a tyrannic supremacy.

The supremacy was Sweden. Idiot.

The spawn of Babylon
is at The Kingdom...

like weeds.

Deadly weeds.

All those intense emotions
are not healthy for you.

It's too dangerous for you.

Too save The Kingdom,
we'll have to accept the bruises.

It only proves that we're going
in the right direction.

-We can travel in boxes, Bulder.
-Yes.

Get in, Bulder.

I don't think it's going to work.
It's precisely too small for me.

Then Judith and I have to go alone.

Are you ready to meet your son
face to face?

Yes.

The red flag. We take no prisoners.

Jolly Roger and on top,
the Swedish flag.

My dear SA members.

Spread out in the whole Kingdom.
Do as much harm as possible.

We'll begin in
exactly 30 minutes. Look.

The most beautiful flag
in the world.

-No prisoners!
-No prisoners!

No, no! There you are,
Dr. Andersen.

Under the bed and the toilet.

Alright, Dr. Andersen.
Here we are, man to man.

Time for the showdown.

You see, you stole
a milk carton from my office,

as you can see on this video.

-Ah, no. That was empty.
-Empty?

Yes, something else is also empty.
The space between your ears.

How could it occur to you

when you saw the milk carton
on my desk in my private office?

If I had wanted to get rid of it,

I would have thrown it
in the trash can.

The fact that it's on the desk
might testify

a special relationship
with that milk carton. Understand?

-It was empty.
-Yes, it might have felt empty.

I just know that it's my favourite
carton and that we need to find it.

So now you and I are taking
a trip to the waste sorting plant.

My name is Well. I'm your helper.

Goddammit!

Look, Mona.

She finally got her blocks.

Barbarossa.

Barbarossa begins now.

We're going to the waste sorting
plant. Just one small thing first.

"Live life long. Let life be lived."

Hey, what are you doing?

There's a badger in here
that we have to smoke out.

Gentlemen! The Christmas speech!

"This year I amused myself
making it an L-speech."

"Life is loud. Let life be loud.
Live life!"

"Lamb's liver with lettuce."

That cunning prick!

Fan it in there.

"Liquorice, lax, leather shoe.
Lying liberalists..."

Why doesn't he come out?
Did he set fire to the carpet?

That's because they are
cunning and deadly, those badgers.

Take this and follow me.

"Laugh at the locomotive of life!"

Hey, wait. "Barbar rossa"?

They didn't spell it right. Idiots!

Just bring me to the sorting
plant. We don't have all life.

I think that's the one.

It's... Dad.

No! How do I get out there?

No! Stop, stop, stop!

Dad...

-Hi, my love.
-Hi, mum.

I've missed you so much.

No, mum. Don't caress my cheek.

It reminds me of
when I was Little Brother.

I love you.

You have to stop crying,
so the water doesn't rise.

Look, what your mum found
in your heart.

I am the gatekeeper of The Kingdom
and will open the gateway

and make sure that
the dark spirits come to darkness

and the light spirits come to light.

What is that light I see?
It looks like a runway.

That's the fountain pond.
It's lit up.

It will happen in the fountain pond.
That is the gateway to The Kingdom.

-But they've rebuilt that.
-I didn't know.

Then I'll need some time to think
about where the gateway moved to.

-But tomorrow is the 24th.
-Then come back tomorrow.

But now I have to rest a bit.
Mum can stay.

To think that I had The Kingdom
in my heart.

-There's no more juice.
-"There's no more juice."

Everybody wants juice as if it were
their right. But it's Bob's juice.

-Many of us are thirsty.
-Let them drink water.

Maybe I didn't get the quote right,

but if you don't cut back on the
juice, you won't get any at all.

Cheer up.

Hi. Fire inspection.

You need to carry your phone
with you. Naver is waiting for you.

Yes.

Dammit...

Yes, I'm a little bit late.

I can't get around
in this bloody hospital.

It might be because of
all those t*rror1st acts.

But that's just my guess.
How are we doing?

I must remind you that you are
not allowed to talk to Dr. Naver,

and that the injunction is
also applicable in the OR.

You will have to use me
as your middle man.

Dr. Halmer knows he's late.

He can't get around
in this bloody hospital.

It might be because of
all those t*rror1st acts.

But that's just his guess.

I either slit open his belly,
or we'll do something else,

where I buy him
the world's biggest candyfloss.

Dr. Naver says,
"I either slit up his belly

or buy him
the world's biggest candyfloss."

Scissors.

They're from Bornholm.

Dr. Naver says that
the scissors are from Bornholm.

"The cut-off island."
It was a joke, Halmer.

Dr. Naver says, "The cut-off
island. It was a joke, Halmer."

I called you here
just for that joke.

Dr. Naver says, "I called you here
just for that joke."

-Which joke?
-Dr. Halmer asks, which joke?

-Please close it.
-Dr. Naver said, please close it.

We removed so much brain
that he can rent out space.

Dr. Naver said, "We removed so much
brain he can rent out space."

-"They."
-Dr. Helmer says, "they".

It's w*r!

44!

Thank you.

It was an honour representing you.

Hey. It's impossible.
It doesn't work.

I mingled with some people
from administration to sabotage

and reduce their performance.

But no matter how slow I walk,
I'm never slower than them.

I've been pouring water on a fire
for an hour. People just walk past,

because it's
"not their area of responsibility".

Should we find somewhere romantic
to do some sabotage?

Maybe facing west,
so we can watch the sunset.

Even if it was your cleavage itself,

I cannot afford to do
anything romantic with you.

Besides, we can confirm

that Operation Barbarossa,
first wave, is over.

We must contact all SA members
and call an emergency meeting.

Stop!

You have used
all your free internet contact.

This service has been outsourced
to Small and Well.

Please type your Well Parking ID.
It's easy to get a new ID.

I see that you have visited
some Swedish weapons websites.

-Yes.
-Yes?

I was trying to make a purchase.
That's right.

Bofors is Swedish. It is the only
weapons factory in the world

that wraps in
100 percent recycled paper.

Well, that's good.

Operation Barbarossa,
first wave, failed.

Second wave! We need a w*apon.

Can anyone in this group
procure a w*apon?

Nah... a w*apon?

A w*apon is strictly necessary.

Anna. Don't you have a w*apon?

-You have a w*apon?
-Dear, sweet Anna.

-No, I don't want to lend it out.
-You don't want to?

An almost erotic relationship
between w*apon and owner can occur.

I don't want to lend it out.

Considering your economic situation,
it might be appropriate...

that you help out.

It's important.

Anna! Anna! Anna!

Come on, Anna.

Thank you, Anna.

-It costs a kiss to borrow it.
-Never.

-Then my lawyer will contact you.
-He can contact mine first.

No no, never. Stop it, Anna.

Is it loaded?

To bursting point.

Don't you have a w*apon?

What? No, I'm a pacifist.

It's our duty
to let the snowball roll.

I'm talking about the most
dangerous man at The Kingdom.

The most experienced, most
diabolical Satan we have known.

The most cunning
villain of them all.

I'm talking about Pontopidan!

I am a fantastic machine,
but there's still a long way.

But you're breaking all the plates.

I know! The impeccable movements
contain a small flaw,

but everything really wonderful
contains a small flaw.

Only the divine is flawless.

-Do you believe in the divine?
-Yes, but I don't trust it.

You're being careless again.
You have to move on.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve.
You're wasting time.

It's not going to fix itself.
Get started!

Yes, yes...

Bulder, wake up.

In half an hour it's Christmas.
All we can do is wait.

Surprise, surprise.

The authorities states that we
were wrong about the helicopter.

How the hell...

Gentlemen, ladies,

can I have your attention
for a moment?

My fault is my fault.
I take that blame.

But first I have something
to add to it.

For it falls on me...

to also confess a m*rder.

Because... I... intend to...

k*ll you, Pontopidan.

It was a mistake to come
from Sweden to this country.

And you always have
to pay for your mistakes.

That's quite the cannon you
got there, Halmer. Bofors, I see.

Wrapped in 100 percent green paper.

The first weapons factory
to guarantee that, right?

I hate you, Danish Satan!

Just do what I say.

Send the picture you took of
Mona's blocks to that Swedish girl.

It might have ended differently
for the two of us

if we hadn't been here

as representatives
for Denmark and Sweden.

The ultimate enemies.

One single sh*t!

Danish stupidity.

Helmer? You have to see this.

What are you saying?
No, this is not the time.

We don't have
time for romance right now.

It will be even more awkward

when I show you this picture from
Mona whose surgery was botched.

Helmer, just look at it.

HELMER WAS DANISH

Yeah.

Dad was the fornicator,
Mum was the whore,

and together they fornicated
across borders.

And I am the bastard

that became the result of that.

Dad was whole.

I am half...

Danish.

Somehow, I've probably
always known.

How deep can you sink?

Now I realise the fatal truth.

Right here and now.

Damn you...

Danish scum!

Shut up, Halmer,
and give us a moment to reflect.

Gefion ploughed, says another myth,
Zealand out of Sweden,

with his sons bewitched into oxen,

after an erotic adventure
with the Swedish king Gylfe.

Yes, there are many legends,
but where does at all lead?

I'll assert that even though
the climate is apparently a mess

Armageddon will
be found intact at The Kingdom.

My prophecy is that everything,
thank God, will come to an end.

And Halmer and Gylfe can
weep all they want,

for here on Zealand,
maybe once tricked out of Sweden,

we will very soon put an end to it.

I will follow the shameful European
political trends and turn right.

while I strongly discourage any
viewers still awake to do the same

and then just take
the good with the evil.
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