01x05 - Julie et Joey

[bunniefuu]

Madam.

No! I don't believe this!

What now?

- Cut!
- What's going on?

I say: "Passionate embrace."
Not: "Shoves her in the bushes."

Are you made of glass?

No. I'm an aristocrat, he's a servant,

so he should show respect.

Stop being a pain!

I am not being a pain, I'm working.

All right?

Could we have a little
delicacy and elegance

in this scene?

That meant for me?

I'm sick of this.

- Me too!
- Yeah, right!

Get to your society dinners!

Articulate, please. I
don't understand a word.

- Bitch!
- assh*le!

- How behind schedule are we?
- Two, three...

Five days.

I don't believe it!

Call their agents now!

Come here.

I'm going for a shower.

There... You're welcome!

No, I'll be really, really late.

Yeah, me too.

Where've you been?

You weren't answering your phone.

- There's m*rder on the movie set!
- Sorry.

I was with a... girl.

You could've still answered.

Is that the tax woman?

There.

- No.
- Imagine that!

If she's your neighbor? f*ck! Scary.

Scary!

I miss you already...

Doors opening.

Doors closing.

Hello?

Happy birthday, sweetie!

Thanks, Mom.

- When are you coming home?
- Stop it!

I have a job here.

There was a place in the salon for you.

You didn't have to work
in your dad's agency.

I'll try to get down for
a weekend sometime soon.

Hi, Xavier.

Mom, cut it out!

Hi, Camille.

I have a scene with JoeyStarr,
so I have to be really focused.

- Want an autograph?
- Yours?

- No, JoeyStarr's.
- Yeah, okay, sure.

- See you.
- Yeah, see you.

Thanks, Gran. It's such a sweet thought.

No, I haven't received
it. Did you post it?

Camille. Do you have a moment?

I'll call you back, Gran, okay?

Big kisses!

Here.

What's this?

The ministry report on
movie financing. For Andréa.

Okay.

- What's the matter?
- No, nothing.

Camille, what's in the envelope?

It's for Andréa.

No lines? I've got a
scene with JoeyStarr.

How many lines?

Two, but they're quite long.

I had a line and a half in
the last Bacri-Jaoui movie.

Yeah!

Best part of the day.

Julie's waiting. We're already late.

She can wait.

Tell her we're sorting out the...

- Hi.
- Hi.

What you doin'?

Well, I'm... I'm playing
a servant, like you.

- Don't I have a scene with you?
- That's right!

- You nervous?
- No. Well...

Yeah, I am. Seriously!

Joey, Julie's getting mad.
She'll walk off the set.

Tell me your lines.

Really? Okay.

"Lower your eyes before the duchess!

Beware! She could cost you your life!"

It's okay, we're on our way.

Oh, sh*t!

sh*t!

Madam, I know our love is
forbidden a thousand times over.

My head tells me a
thousand times to flee...

but my heart tells me to...

flee... No, to stay!

I can't do it like this!

Okay, stop.

What the f*ck is she doing still?

- She refuses to come out.
- What?

Out of my way!

Didier!

She's really pissing me off! It's
like she's still in the 18th century.

She's so stuck up, I bet
she grew up in a convent.

I'm not setting foot on that
set until he's apologized.

I've worked hard for this
part, researching the period,

and he just wings it!

Stay focused on
yourself, on your career.

A period movie, a costume
drama, a difficult sh**t...

That'll win you a César. At least.

It's worth a bit of an effort

No, Julie...

Have you heard her
accent, the way she talks?

Does she think she's Prince Charles?

You should have seen her
with the harpsichord teacher.

"Yes, I love that toccata by Bach."

You can stick the f*cking
toccata down your throat!

- Just say if I'm boring you.
- No!

No, sorry, it's not that. It's...

There, look.

See? I'm listening. Go
ahead, I'm all yours.

- I don't feel like it now.
- Come on, I'm listening!

So?

So I end up looking like a big jerk!

- Know the latest thing she did?
- No.

She didn't have her script with her.

- So me, nice guy, I give her mine.
- Yeah?

She takes it with her
fingertips like some dirty rag...

- This is annoying.
- No, it's okay.

- Answer it!
- I'm listening.

- Answer it.
- Okay.

No, it's just that, you know,
I've met this chick and...

She's not my type,

she's blonde, she doesn't
do dr*gs, she's normal!

But I'm drawn to her like a magnet.

You see? It's real powerful,

as if my subconscious is
trying to get it on with hers!

Yeah, you wanna f*ck her.

Yeah!

My subconscious and Julie Gayet's
clash in all the wrong places.

One's black and one's
yellow. What's it taste like?

It's like varnish.

That's horrible. Gabriel!

Gabriel Sarda! It's
Gabriel Sarda, my agent!

Here to encourage me!

- How's it going?
- Okay.

I saw JoeyStarr. I rehearsed my
scene, and he said I was awesome!

- Nice!
- Great, huh?

I'm really happy for you.

Just a second. Hello?

It's Anna. Yes, Anna, everything okay?

I'll ask my agent.

- When does it come out?
- No idea.

Can I get invitations?

Yes, he says yes!

I'll leave you to concentrate.

There are horses and everything!

Here, honey. This'll perk you up.

Come here.

- Hello.
- There you are.

This is Marie-Sophie Garnier,

head scriptwriter on
Happy Ever After, the soap.

I know. What's going on? Is Jonathan
Joubert causing trouble again?

We're here to announce Jonathan's death.

In the series, I mean.

Ryan is a favorite of the
public. You can't k*ll him off.

He's a bigger assh*le
than my first husband.

I've been on the series for eight years.

We work on those scripts
for hours, and he...

changes all the lines.

He wants to write, direct,

choose his partners... It's hell!

I'll call him and sort it out.

No, we've already read him the
riot act. He couldn't give a sh*t!

- Let me talk to him.
- Jonathan's going to die!

Ryan, honey.

Of cancer of the testicles.

He deserves it after eight
years of busting my balls!

Let's write the audience
reviews on AlloCiné.

- Really?
- Yeah, it's for the Nicolas Carré movie.

It was massacred by the press.

Noémie, send flowers to
Marie-Sophie Garnier, please.

Sign the note: "Dear
Marie-Sophie, I'm sorry.

Let's make a new start."
Signed Jonathan Joubert.

Mathias, Zinedine Soualem is here.

Not now!

Hello.

- Isn't Mathias in?
- No.

I heard Almodóvar is making
his next movie in Paris.

- Do you have the script?
- No.

Does Mathias know I speak Spanish?

Does it say so in my file?

He can call me whenever he likes.

- Yes.
- See you.

- Bye.
- See you.

It's okay, he's gone.

Don't forget the flowers
for Marie-Sophie Garnier.

Of course.

Is it true they're
going to k*ll Ryan off?

No way!

My mom'll be devastated.
She watches it every day.

If I tell her, she'll
be organizing demos!

Want me to leak it?

It'd cause a real
buzz in my mom's salon.

Interflora, please.

Audience reviews... Look, it
got one star from the press.

We'll say it was
"masterly," "poignant"...

How will they talk with us there?

We promised we'd be there
to make them show up.

But we didn't say when.

Hello?

Yeah, yeah... Okay, I'm on my way.

Yeah, right away.

A buddy with cash problems. I gotta go.

Yeah, of course.

Can I have my phone back before you go?

Didier?

- Didier!
- Julie!

Julie!

What's going on?

Arlette, I'd like another
word about Jonathan Joubert.

That's his chair.

Marie-Sophie doesn't want your flowers.

There's nothing you can do about
Ryan's cancer of the testicles.

We'll lose a lot of money.

Not everything revolves around money.

Arlette, your share in this
agency is a lot smaller than ours.

Samuel is no longer here to protect you.

Your threats don't bother me.

I'm not talking about money, I'm
talking about dignity and loyalty.

When I met Marie-Sophie,
she could barely write.

I got her started on The Tiger Brigades.

She's worth a thousand of
that assh*le Jonathan Joubert.

So your Ryan...

Snip!

I thought we should think of the
real fans of Happy Ever After,

the people who truly love it.

- And...
- Yes, Camille?

Andréa wanted me to show you
something, but maybe not now.

- I'll come back.
- Fine.

The target

is the woman chatting to her
friends in the hairdressing salon,

the sort of woman who
loves Jonathan Joubert...

Ryan, I mean.

What we need is a leak, so
the fans start to protest.

What's your idea, like a death notice?

Exactly!

I was inspired by this case of a
child who went missing in the Corrèze.

There...

It's...

horrible.

Look, just forget it.

Deal with Audrey Fleurot.

She's having a timetable
problem with her kids.

- Thanks, anyway.
- You're welcome.

With all these delays, we have
only a half-day left in the barn.

I've had to rewrite the schedule.

- We sh**t the love scene tomorrow.
- Maybe not the best moment.

It's tomorrow, we have no choice!

- We'll get there, Samir.
- If you say so.

You tell the actors, I'm too busy.

Why are there always love scenes?

It'd be much more powerful
to suggest it symbolically.

How do you mean?

I don't know.

A flowing river? Animals
frolicking in the woods?

Yeah! Audiences would rather
see rabbits sniffing their asses

than you and JoeyStarr screwing!

- This'll suit you.
- I've put on weight.

No way. You're a hunk, baby!

It's gonna be embarrassing.

You can do this sex scene!

Right, champ?

All the power of a rutting lion!

I feel more like a virgin pussycat.

Stop it. You've done
lots of scenes like this.

Look...

I don't even know how aristocrats
and servants did it back then.

I read up on it, and I
couldn't find anything.

The History of Sexuality?

Forget all that. Just
do what comes naturally.

You're an animal, Didier.

A very sexual animal.

That's attractive.

Even to me.

Hey, stop looking at me like that!

I hope this sex scene goes okay.

It's stressful being here.

Yeah? I like being away
from the cares of Paris,

the agency sale, the tax audit...

- There.
- Thank you.

Thank you.

- The receptionist is hot for you.
- Cut it out!

I bet you can have her tonight.

But we eat first, I'm
starving. In fifteen minutes?

Okay.

Hello, Andréa.

Yes, Camille, any messages?

- Pathé's lawyer wants your proposal.
- Okay.

- Oh, happy birthday!
- Thanks. Hervé and I are going...

Great! Don't forget the
scripts in my mailbox.

I need them tomorrow night.

Okay, no problem.

Eléonore Sanson called,
she got the advance.

That's great! I'm really glad for her.

- That's all.
- Okay, kiss-kiss, Camillette!

Surprise!

f*ck, how did you get in my room?

Checking business expenses.

- They just let you in?
- Yes, as you can see.

After I insisted.

Are you okay?

Yeah... Well, I'm working.

Stuff to sort out on the sh**t.

Dinner with Gabriel... I have
to call Eléonore Sanson...

- Dinner with Gabriel?
- Yes, it's work!

I thought... So you're
not pleased to see me?

sh*t, I forgot my under-eye concealer.

Okay.

Hello.

It's a petition to stop
Ryan being k*lled off, Mom.

Just click on it.

Yes, with the mouse.

Top right.

And, Mom, tell all your friends, okay?

Hold on.

Leave that office immediately!

- Here?
- Yes, there!

You're lucky it's not the
coccyx. That's horrible.

- Yeah, the worst pain there is.
- No, it's not that.

You have to carry a cushion
to sit on. How humiliating!

Your pretty little
buns absorbed the shock.

Thank you, pretty little buns!

Thank you, thank you.

- Yes?
- It's Gabriel, are you coming?

I'm coming now.

- I have to go.
- Get back soon.

I promise. Wait for me, huh?

I can't very well run off!

I've really grown to
love this tax audit!

We only dine together
when we're out of town.

We're together all day every day.

But we don't enjoy each other's company.

- Here you are. Your kidneys.
- Thanks.

We shouldn't let the job define us.

Arlette, for example.

What do we know about her? Or Mathias?

That's what work is, Gabriel.

And us. Just look at us.

What do I know about
you? About your life,

your parents?

We pamper our actors too much,
forgetting to live for ourselves.

Yeah, you're right.

I'm pooped. I think I'll go to bed.

Goodnight.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Camille...

Hey, it's not the end of
the world! You're 23, not 30!

No, it's not that.

Someone important to
me forgot my birthday.

There's still time.

No, it's gone midnight.

He forgot. It's too late now.

Sweetie...

Sweetie!

I had lunch with my dad today.

- He's worried about you.
- Really?

Your professional future.

What's wrong with my
professional future?

You just turned down a
golden chance at StarMédia

to stay at ASK, where the
situation is uncertain.

He's concerned.

He'd tell me what to wear every morning!

- You don't know what he said.
- He knows nothing about it!

But he wants to stick his
nose in and tell me what to do!

All right.

That's a shame. It was good news.

Goodnight.

What good news?

No, you don't want him
sticking his nose in.

What is it?

No, you're right, we should
keep him at a distance.

Especially as he wants to lend us money.

Sorry?

To buy out ASK. But it's not...

Was it his idea?

I brought it up. And I convinced him.

No, he'd expect me to
keep him in the loop.

He'll be lending the money to
me. I can do what I like with it.

If we buy up Samuel's
shares, you'll be the boss.

CEO of ASK.

Know what I'd like?

A branch for writer-directors,

so we're in at the
conception of projects.

And a branch for
actors' image management.

They need that more and more,
and what we can do is limited.

- And...
- Production.

- Why not?
- Yes.

What's that?

Stay here, I'll check it out.

sh*t, you scared me!

- What are you doing?
- Nothing, I...

- I was a bit thirsty and...
- A bit?

You're an alcoholic!

Some buddies came round, we didn't
have anything to drink, so...

I'd have replaced it all.

- Are you with Camille?
- No.

Why do you ask?

No reason.

Yes! Has she told you something?

No, no, no.

It's just that...

- I don't really like you seeing her.
- Why?

She's not right for you.

Explain that a bit.

She can't be trusted. She
hasn't told you everything.

You're freaking me out, Dad. What... ?

She has a boyfriend.

- You've seen her with him?
- Yes.

He comes to the agency. Suit and tie.

Okay.

Sorry.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- I looked for you last night.
- Yeah?

- I don't work at night.
- The old man wasn't you?

No.

Sorry, we have this new
software. No one understands it.

- It's...
- Maybe I can help.

Thanks, but you need a degree for this!

I see what you mean.

For example, dinner for two
and champagne in room 16...

Tick there and click...

It should calculate it, but it doesn't.

Which room?

Yes?

It's me, let me in.

- I can't right now.
- It's really urgent.

- What?
- Ready?

What?

You were so tired last night,
I was worried. Feeling better?

- Oh, yeah.
- Better now?

Yeah, I'm good.

You got peckish?

Oh, yes! Because last
night, you see, I was...

I couldn't sleep in the end, so
I worked and that made me hungry.

Yeah...

Cut the bullshit.

I know you weren't alone
last night. So who is it?

The cute wardrobe intern?

- No way!
- Oh, yes!

- Tell me.
- You know me, never at work!

I want to know. I'm staying.

sh*t!

Talk to me, I'm right here.

Sleeping with a tax
inspector! Are you insane?

You act like a kid!

- Why didn't you tell me?
- Because of this!

If it goes bad, the
bitch will make us pay!

She's not a bitch.

- Why should it go bad?
- It always goes bad, Andréa!

You choose badly!

Because you're the ideal lover, huh?

When did you last have a girlfriend?

Your conquests are either playthings
or admirers that you despise!

The fate of the agency is
between your legs! f*ck!

- Stop the car.
- No.

Gabriel, stop the car!

- There!
- sh*t!

assh*le!

Save Ryan

How did you do that?

Well, I...

I got some photos of him,

then made a montage as
though it's real life.

Without asking me.

Yeah, but look. Over 10,000
signatures in one night.

The producers will
know we were behind it.

No, it could have been his mom,

his friends, his girlfriend, his fans...

No, it's too well done for an amateur.

You think it's well done?

Of course! It's extremely well done.

10,244 signatures.

Should I remove it?

No, leave it for a while.
See if it keeps building.

Maybe it'll persuade the
producers to keep him.

Off you go.

Well done, Camille.

Hello?

I'm in the middle of
nowhere, there's no signal.

No, I don't have a car.

I'm on foot, there's no
signal. Can you send someone?

It is an emergency!

I'm a very sexy woman, all alone,
in the middle of the countryside!

Something could happen!
f*cking send someone!

Hello?

That's failure to assist a
person in danger, assh*le!

f*ck!

Thanks, Loïc.

Your attention, please. Come closer.

Get in place, everyone.

This afternoon,

we'll be doing scenes 44, 52 and 53.

Scene 60 has been cut.

Cut?

We want the beggars and slaves

behind the château
for the cutaways, okay?

Excuse me! Scene 60 has been cut?

It doesn't add anything.

Why was it written, then?

You can't just cut a
scene out like that!

We're in enough trouble. Joey asked...

Oh, God! Was it Joey?

He didn't want to act with me?

- Oh, God!
- I'll be right there! Look...

I have a scene with 15 horses to set up.

So please go back with the other
extras and wait to be called.

Thank you.

This is busting my balls,
it's busting my balls...

f*ck!

Hurry up, everyone.

- Hi.
- Hello.

Right, Didier, lie down there.

Julie, you come from over
there and sit next to him.

And then play the scene, okay?

- Marie, are there insects in the hay?
- No, I don't think so.

- "Are there insects... ?"
- What?

- Nothing.
- I'm allergic!

Of course.

- Can we start?
- Yes.

Ready to roll!

Everyone off the set!

Close the blackout.

Silence, please. Turn off your cells.

Let's go!

- What?
- Nothing.

- Why are you looking at me like that?
- Hey!

If you're already mad,
we'll never finish.

- Rolling!
- We're rolling.

And just so you know,

cunnilingus and fellatio were
not common practices at the time.

- You sure know how to turn a guy on!
- Yeah, right!

Action!

Cut!

Cut!

They've been waiting for
this moment for months!

Show them how to be sensual.

- No, no...
- Yes, go on!

- Broom up the ass, right?
- No, it's fine.

It's not super sensual
yet, but we'll get there.

Okay, we'll try again.

Action!

An insect!

Fire!

There was an insect.

Fire! Fire!

Put it out!

It's okay.

Come here.

That's it!

I'll be glad to be back in Paris.

Heard from Brancillon?

Her name is Colette.

- A cracked rib.
- sh*t!

- She must hate me.
- She'll screw you on your expenses

- You think so?
- You have no idea!

She can't work out how you
eat so much with your clients.

- Your receipts!
- Thanks.

You can explain, can't you?

Actors are fragile and sensitive.

When they're in a bad way,
they eat. And I eat with them.

- You know that's true, Andréa!
- We'll see.

When I saw Colette in the street...

she'd been at your place!

- You're really a couple?
- I think so, yes.

- And how's it going?
- Too soon to say.

You should keep it up.

- Better for the tax audit.
- It's going well.

It's going really well.

It's weird, I know, but...

But yeah.

Don't tell anyone, Gabriel.

That'd be bad for us all, okay?

Yes, Dad. Yes, yes.

Okay, fine.

Okay, take care. Kiss-kiss!

Meeting with the lawyer tomorrow
to finalize the financial package.

- It's almost too easy.
- Stop being so wary and enjoy it!

Life isn't all shady
deals and backstabbing.

I just have to call Hélène Kerr...

and let the others know.

I'm so happy.

I'd better go. I'll let you know.

- Remember what we've got tonight?
- No, what?

- The opera.
- Oh, yes.

Your phone's ringing!

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Well?
- Hi.

Why has Mathias asked to
see us? What's the agenda?

I don't know.

She can't keep still this morning.

Is Mathias getting divorced?

No, everything's fine
in that department.

- Good morning, everyone.
- Good morning.

Thank you all for coming,
despite your busy schedules.

Well...

Last week we narrowly escaped a buyout

which could have cost us our jobs.

At the least it would have
changed ASK's spirit and identity.

Thanks to you, Mathias!

Maybe, but that's beside the point.

I asked to see you this morning
to impart some good news.

ASK will not be sold.

- Hélène Kerr is keeping Samuel's shares?
- No. I'm buying them.

ASK's future is secure.
Relief for you all.

How long have you known?

I found a financial partner yesterday.

But you didn't want to introduce us?

I hadn't intended to
because it's my wife.

What?

And we should feel relieved?

That ASK is in your hands
and we have to obey you?

Bravo!

Would you have preferred the Germans?

He just takes over everything!

With him, even good
news feels like bad news!

At least if he'd deserved it! But no!

It's just his wife and her
money pissing all over us!

It's too f*cking easy!

I could have shacked
up with some rich guy

and bought the agency!

Except you're shacked up
with the tax inspector.

Yes?

Julie Gayet and JoeyStarr
have disappeared.

- Babysitting!
- Can't they just do their job?

Julie, it's me again.

- Call me, please.
- Didier, call me back.

Where are you? This is going to
cost us. Production is furious!

Hi, Julie, it's Hervé from ASK.

I want to set up a meeting with
Steven Spielberg, who's in Paris.

He's making a movie about
the Hundred Years' w*r.

He's also seeing Diane
Kruger and Cécile de France,

so call back quick. Have a nice day.

Spielberg?

Yeah...

But it's...

Hello, Julie?

Where are you?

Good call.

And now a spa!

Some aspects of this business
are still a mystery to me.

Okay? Can we get back to the set?

Samir said he got some great
stuff in the can. We can catch up.

Sorry, Didier, but that's no excuse.

- They'll say we're thoughtless again.
- Thoughtless?

We gave it our all yesterday, right?

Okay, you needed a breather,
but now you've had it.

- You really must get back on the set.
- Okay.

- f*ck!
- What?

- m*therf*cker!
- Didier!

- m*therf*cker!
- Didier, you're on parole!

The custody of your kids!

I'll k*ll you!

Cut!

- Yves, zoom in on the kiss.
- Yeah, okay.

We've cut! Once again, from the top.

- Okay? It wasn't too much?
- No, it was wonderful.

I wanted to ask you something.

Are you seeing anyone at the moment?

Are you behind the "Save Ryan" petition?

What the hell is that photo?

I'm all shiny, my pores are dilated...

Talk to Camille. She's
the one who set it up.

Well done! Even when
he finds out he's dying,

Ryan does not cry! Is that clear?

It's not Ryan crying.
It's you, Jonathan.

Are you f*cking stupid?

Is she doing it on purpose?

Ryan never cries. No way.

- Jonathan.
- Mathias!

I'm glad you're here,
I don't know what to do!

Ryan, crying like a
big wuss! What do we do?

- Calm down.
- Calm down? Who's this waste of space?

She's trying to help you.

The c**t is useless!

That's enough! Apologize,
then get out of here!

You can't ditch Ryan like that.

I'll show you I can!

What the hell?

sh*t! Sorry, Sofia.

With this crazy day, I totally
forgot to ask how the sh**t went.

It was great.

- Great?
- Yeah.

But there was a problem, I
think the film's a bit too long.

They might edit my scene out.

sh*t! But it's no big deal.

The director saw you act.

And he'll think of you next time.

All right?

Don't lose heart.

Oh, my poor rib!

- See you tomorrow.
- Yeah.

Goodnight.

- Are you going?
- Yeah, I'm going.

Me, too. Are you hungry?

I'm always hungry, Sofia.

Want to go eat?

Sure.

Cool!

And, Gabriel, do you mind if we're
not so formal with each other?

No.

Do you have a moment?
I forgot something.

What, here, in this office?

Your birthday.

Oh, yeah. That's okay. I'm so
busy I nearly forgot myself.

And I'm not six!

Who cares about birthdays?

Maybe it's because I've
gotten used to seeing you.

Anyway, what would you like?

You must have some idea.

No, still just voicemail. Try
Noémie, she's never far away.

Here, take the tickets.

Noémie? Hello, it's Catherine.

I can't reach Mathias, and
we'll be late for the opera.

You think so?

Okay. Thanks, Noémie.

We'll go to the agency.

When I got to the test center,

I slammed the car door
on the examiner's hand.

- No!
- Yes!

Broke two of his fingers.

It was my fifth attempt, so maybe
it was a sign I should give up.

I thought I'd see you at the opera.

I left messages.

It was on silent mode.

Want a glass? We broke
out the champagne.

Camille gave me a lot of help
on a difficult matter this week.

And we're celebrating. What you're
doing for the agency is great!

Isn't Camille Andréa's assistant?

She can still help others.

Can I have a word?

- What's going on?
- It's not what you think.

Did we interrupt something?

Stop it! She's an assistant, and
I wanted to thank her, that's all.

Mathias,

I know you're hiding something.

I've seen your eyes and
the calls at breakfast...

Are you listening?

- What's got into you?
- What are you doing?

- You and her?
- No!

Just a second.

Is that why you warned me off?

Mathias...

explain this.

I have something to tell you.