03x01 - Jean

[bunniefuu]

So, what did your lawyer say?

He says it doesn't sound good.
UBA is trying to prove

that I wasn't the only candidate
for the job in New York.

But that's not true! When he told them

you were pregnant,
they retracted the offer.

Yes, except if the UBA agency
manages to prove

that I wasn't
the only candidate for the job,

then there was no hiring
discrimination, get it?

Just ordinary competition.

We're going to win.
And you know why? Look.

- What?
- Look at her hand. Look!

No way!

I didn't see that!

Wait, is she giving the finger?

No, really,
our daughter's incredible!

Excuse me!

Good morning, everyone! Chouquettes!

Here, here, here!

Thanks!

- Thanks, Noémie!
- You're welcome!

No, thank you.

You usually love chouqettes!

Yeah, but I'm not not hungry.

This annual report is stressing me out.

Honey, I can assure you,
the annual report stresses everyone out.

But I've only signed five contracts

since becoming an agent.
I think Hicham's going to rip me apart.

When you become an agent,

you have to be able to take the heat.

Some people totally lose it.

Oh, stop it, you bitch!

Has the courier arrived
with Dujardin's contract?

No...

What a pain in the ass...

- Hey, accounting.
- Hi.

Jean-Pierre, the closing of accounts

for the annual report, when is it exactly?

Friday.

This coming Friday, in four days?

That's tight.

So, any contract signed

before Friday is included
in this year's accounts?

- Exactly.
- Okay, cool.

How many did Mathias sign?

That information,
I certainly can't give you.

I know, Jean-Pierrou,

I'm just kidding.

Anyway, I don't care what Mathias did...

Are you alright?

Yeah...

Are you sure?

It's just... sometimes,
I have contractions.

I'd like, maybe, a glass of water.

- Sit down.
- Thanks.

- I'll be right back!
- Yeah, great.

Mathias...

- Here.
- It's fine, it passed.

No, but Parti Pris
isn't even in the top 12!

I haven't had lunch.

I still can't get over the fact
that you're pregnant.

Yeah, me neither.

No, hey, oh!
That's no excuse to feel me up.

Actually, I wanted to ask you...

I have a lesbian friend
who really wants to have a child,

and she needs information.

Could you tell her how you did it?

Did you use a donor?

Do I ask you if you use an IUD
or a contraceptive implant?

I have a letter for Ms Martel.

It's for me! That's me!

The deal with Guillaume Canet,
that's it, it's done.

I have to say, I'm pretty happy.

Well, especially for my client.

Guillaume called me this morning
to thank me

and it's true, we don't sign
contracts like this one every day.

Be careful, you're going
to upstage your colleagues.

They're used to it.

I've had the best numbers
in the agency for ten years.

Yeah, except one Dujardin
equals two Canets!

This is Dujardin's contract,
with his very signature.

Something tells me that this year,

I'll have the biggest number.
See you, guys!

What is this?

EB?

EB? What is this?

Emile Berthier?

Camille!

- Well?
- Jean's phone is out of order,

his wife's not answering either.

Maybe he wanted to play a prank?

A prank?

Jean has a great sense of humor,

but generally, if there's one thing
he doesn't joke around with,

it's that kind of contracts.

Are you sure he's not
still filming The Deserter?

Yes, he finished two weeks ago.

I can't believe it, what is he doing?

I don't know.

Is there a problem
with Jean Dujardin, perhaps?

No, there's no problem.

Can you shut the door, Mathias?

Thank you!

Okay.

- You're going to clean it up.
- No, that's impossible.

There are two thousand moldy pages
that reek of dead animal.

I don't care, I have a meeting later
with the producer,

I have to give her the contract in person.

I don't know, go to the store,

find a product that cleans paper,
figure it out.

That doesn't exist!

What do you know?

And about the signature "Emile Berthier,"
what are you going to say?

That he's back to using his maiden name?

Stop being a smart ass
just because you became an agent!

- Andréa?
- Yes?

Your appointment is here.

Hello, Andréa!

Babeth! How are you?

Good, good. I'm just passing through
to pick up Jean's contract.

You didn't get my message?

No.

Really? Oh no, it's our fault,
it's the legal department.

They didn't send the right version.

So, it's done,
we sent another copy of the contract,

so we'll have it tonight, latest.

Don't worry. But it's nice to see you.

Hey you!
What's this little rascal's name again?

Okay, where is Dujardin?

He's still filming The Deserter,

is that it? They're behind schedule again?

No Babeth, The Deserter
wrapped up two weeks ago.

Jean is just taking a few days off
before starting with you.

He can't wait, he's really excited
about the movie!

Filming starts in two weeks,

there are fittings to be done,
rehearsals...

I have two hundred people
counting on him, I do!

A 12-million-euro budget!

And we've been waiting for him for months
because of this shitty Deserter.

I have a lot of respect
for arthouse cinema,

we need it to keep retired
professors happy, I agree.

But what was he doing
on that never-ending sh**t

with that half-crazy director?

Solveig Akerfeld.
Grand Prix at Cannes two years ago.

And 50 tickets sold.

Listen, how about we discuss it
after he wins a César?

- Oh right...
- Here, look, you'll see...

These are images from the sh**t.
They're extremely confidential.

Even I'm not supposed to have seen them.

But this will give
you an idea of the thing.

Come see. Come, come here.

Action, Jean!

It's the story of a wounded soldier
who went AWOL during World w*r I,

and who hides in the forest
for years to escape the death penalty.

Unrecognizable.

And... cut!

Jean, cut!

Jean, cut!

Can we do another one?

No, Jean!

He's incredible!

Did you see that? It's up there
with Di Caprio in The Revenant!

You know, the rabbit, well,
it's a real rabbit.

Alright, enough with the bullshit, Andréa.
Where is Dujardin?

- How are you?
- And you, honey?

I'm so happy to see you!

- You look good behind your desk!
- Oh, thank you!

- How's it going?
- Really well.

- Are you going to say hi to them?
- Yeah!

Hugs.

She looks like a million bucks!

A real lady!

I have to show you...

What is that?

Oh damn, that is some good sh*t!

Of course, we worked
our asses off, right?

And to think it nearly didn't happen.
I love the poster.

It's so beautiful.

It's beautiful, right?

Is it okay? It's not too vulgar?

- Because you're showing a little breast?
- You're so beautiful!

Even in an amateur Albanian p*rn
you wouldn't be vulgar, Sofia Leprince.

Oh Hervé! Thanks guys. I miss you so much!

We miss you too.

You know, sometimes we go see Antoine

and we ask him to go "Hi!," like this.

Alright, I'm going to see my agent.

- Thanks!
- You come back now, okay?

Camille, Camille, hey!

Cancel my three o'clock appointment,
I'm going to see Dujardin.

It's all good, you talked to him?

No! That's why I'm going over there!
Oh sh*t!

What's wrong?

- Are you okay?
- No, it's nothing.

- I'm okay! It's fine!
- Wait!

It's just a little contraction.

- Are you giving birth?
- You being an idiot.

She's giving birth! Andréa's giving birth!

Cut it out!
You're a real idiot!

What's going on?

- Are you alright?
- I'm fine!

- Are you having close contractions?
- No, it's nothing!

Do you want to take the rest
of the day off?

Alright, everyone calm down, okay?
They aren't labor contractions.

- It's just...
- Are you sure?

No, it's just I have a very active uterus

that contracts often.
Now you know everything!

When are you taking maternity leave?

Huh? I don't know, in a week or two.

I mean, when I feel like it.

That's too late! It's bad for the baby,

he'll be small, he'll be anxious,
he'll have a tiny brain.

Everything okay with your son?
Are you taking good care of his brain?

You don't have to pretend
to be Wonder Woman all the time either.

Damn it, I love my job,
I don't want to stop,

and if I stop, I lose a third of my list,

- are we done here?
- Completely paranoid.

No, she's not paranoid.
Actors want to be our only children,

they don't tolerate competition.
She's right.

Alright, you should delegate.

We can easily take over
part of your client list.

Who has ever been pregnant here? Who?

No one!
So no one tells me how to be pregnant!

Move! You, Mathias,
stay away from my list, understood?

I know it's not easy. True,
we each have our own personality and...

we can get carried away,
it's human nature.

But we agreed that we wouldn't talk about
the baby, here,

and that I would manage
my pregnancy in my own way.

Of course.

It's just that, as your boss,

I do nothing but worry about
my employees' health.

Yes, thank you for your concern.

Of course,
I remain at your disposal for...

the formalities
regarding your maternity leave.

I won't hesitate to consult you,
but it's true, as I said,

I'll do it when I feel the need to.

Noted.

Are things going well with your partner?

Very well, thank you.

Happy to hear that.
Give her my best wishes.

I'll be sure to do that.

Have a nice day!

Cordially!

Yes?

Gabriel, lunch with Norman tomorrow
at 1pm, does that work for you?

No, tomorrow... tomorrow won't work,

I have a lot going on.

But there's nothing noted
for lunch tomorrow.

Did you make another appointment?

Hervé, come on now,

I know who I'm having lunch
with and what time, don't I?

Okay.

It's not as if you sometimes
had major organizational problems

that only your wonderful assistant
were capable of solving.

Are you done? Is there anything else?

Yes, Laura Smet's contract,
to be signed fast.

Except it seems to me that

the lawyer made a mistake drawing it up,
because...

Look, you couldn't have negotiated
this amount: it's colossally low.

Is there a number missing?

Leave it here. I'll take care of it later.

Alright.
Well, will you let me get back to work?

- Thank you, goodbye!
- Goodbye!

I can't stay here any longer, mom,
he's ruining everything!

You're not going anywhere!

But he's completely crazy!
The guy is a total nutcase!

That's your father you're talking about!

Things were better when he was making
his movie in the forest,

at least things were normal!

Hi, Andréa.

How's it going, Alice? I came to see Jean.

He's not here, I'm sorry.

Yes, he is, actually.
He's there, under the trees!

No, he's not here.

Mom, he's there, stop lying!

I'm telling you, she can help us!

He confiscated all our screens.
He doesn't want us to turn on the lights.

Save us, please!
I'm begging you because...

Yeah.

There?

Jean?

Hey, Andréa!

You shouldn't have come.
I'd have stopped by the agency.

Damn, you've got
an urgent need for a shower,

laundry...

Yeah, that's what my wife says too.

But don't worry, it's nothing serious.

It's the scent of earth, of sweat.

Of rot.

You live in a world
that is so sterilized too.

That there is a hawk.

See, it circles around,
it steals my rabbits.

Look, Jean.

- Huh?
- Yeah, I think...

Oh damn! Jean?

- Yes?
- Listen,

clearly your role in The Deserter left
an impression, and that's normal

because it was a very physical role,
very powerful.

I'd never experienced anything
like that before.

Yeah, I know. But now they're waiting
for you to start filming.

You know,
the movie where you play a banker.

I know, Andréa, but frankly, I just can't.

I can't just move on to the next thing
like that, you understand?

I spent six months in the forest,
I got rid of everything,

it did me so much good...

I got down to the marrow of being human,
do you understand?

So the idea of being there,

in a skyscraper at La Défense, with all
the noise, the people, the lights...

Can't we buy some time?

Well, Jean, no, we can't this time.

I mean, we've already
made them wait quite a bit.

You didn't even sign
your contract on top of that!

Oh yes, I signed it!

You signed Emile Berthier.

Oh yeah? Oh yeah...

That's your character, Jean,

- Yes.
- It's not you.

Yes, I know...

Do you want me to help you...

- To get your hands out?
- No, no, it's fine.

Okay, if you take off your costume,
things will be a lot easier.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Then, tonight,
you run yourself a hot bath,

give yourself a good wash, you scrub,

you scrub hard,
use the green side of the sponge.

And... And can I keep it?

- What?
- The coat.

- For?
- For...

- For the banker?
- Yes.

That would make for an unusual banker,
but it's appealing too...

No, Jean, really, I swear,

I think I'd prefer
to eat dead rabbit brains

than agree to that coat in your contract.

I think very early on,
we already contain who we will become.

You see, the path we choose,

if you really think about it,
it's there from childhood.

You, for example, what did you love
to do when you were a kid?

The one thing you did,
that set you apart from others?

I've never thought about it.

I have a buddy who's an architect.

When he was a kid,
he spent all his time building forts.

That's all he did, forts.

Come on.
Hey, there must have been something?

It's true, it's funny.

With me, it was strategy games.

Chess, especially, backgammon too.

I played a lot.

All alone. I split myself in two,
I played both players at once!

There you go. And you became an agent.
Isn't that something?

What about you, what was it?

Being in charge.

Yeah,

when we played soccer,
I didn't want to be on the team,

I wanted to lead the team.

Funny, isn't it?

8:30pm sharp, just the way I like it!

How's it going, wonder boys?

Doing well, champion?

Yeah.

Hi, how are you?

Great!
Let me introduce Mathias Barneville.

Good evening!

He works with me at ASK.

Nico, Jérémy, these are my friends,

and sometimes my partners.

I told them about ASK, and...

and how I want to develop
new divisions, you know,

like I did with image rights management.

They're going to help me
modernize everything a little.

Yeah!

Would you like some?

Okay, guys?

- Cheers!
- Cheers!

Come on, cheers!

I'm telling you, it was a real trap!

I thought

Hicham and I were meeting
to discuss the future of the agency,

and then these two guys show up,
with their arrogant mugs,

who he wants to partner with
and open new divisions.

Completely twisted!

Honey, it's his money,
let him do what he wants.

Yes, but it effects ASK!

Straighten your back.

At one point, one of those guys
even suggested...

we do image consulting
for athletes and politicians.

And Hicham goes, "Well sure, why not?"

Where are we headed?

You know, the good news is
the kid's insatiable,

and he's going to want
to do everything at the same time,

and he's sure to be around less at ASK.

And, if the company does well,

soon enough, he'll let you
handle things your own way.

And he has to appoint a General Director.

Yeah.

Who could be the new leader at ASK?

Someone who knows the company well,

who does yoga with his wife
to make her happy...

Hey, I don't mind it, you know.

It even relaxes me.

Is that true?

It's important
we do things together, you know.

Babeth Solis is harassing me.

She still hasn't received Jean's contract.

Call her, buy some time.

And how do I do that?

You embellish,

tell her you sent the contract
to the wrong address.

I don't know, figure something out!

I'll look like a f*cking idiot.

Well yes, that's what assistants are for.

Hey, but I'm also an agent now.

I have to watch out for my reputation.

Don't worry, no one knows who you are.

Hi, everyone.

- Hello.
- Hello, Noémie.

Hello.

So, what's on today's agenda?

Jean Dujardin.

So, filming ended

two weeks ago
and he still looks like this.

And he's supposed to do the other movie.

It's a nightmare, guys!

He doesn't want to bathe
or shave or... anything?

No, nothing, nothing.

Speaking of which, Gabriel,
I was wondering, your new style,

is that supposed to be cool
or have you just let yourself go?

Just because you're old doesn't mean
you can say whatever you want.

No, but sometimes hipsters look like bums,

it's confusing.

So I'm old... you're funny.

You still have to get there.
Lots of people die before they do.

Okay, people, sorry,
can we stay focused here?

Because I have an actor
going full Day-Lewis on me!

Full what?

Daniel Day-Lewis,

the English actor who works
his roles so much

that he can't break character.

It's helpful to know about film

when you direct an artistic agency.

For example, in The Last of the Mohicans,

Daniel Day-Lewis lived
like a Native American for six months

and when it was over, he still wanted
to sleep with his powder r*fle.

And after My Left foot, he continued
writing letters with his feet.

Method acting...

Oh right. The guy's mentally unstable?

Well, I think it's wonderful.

How lucky to be so deeply moved

by what you do that you're transformed,
you become someone else.

Okay, but... I don't quite understand.

In the end,
did he sign his contract or didn't he?

Yes. Well, no,
it's in progress. Because...

Wait, you're not going to start
wagging your tail, are you...

Maybe, if he's possessed,

we should simply start by exorcizing him?

I know...

a very good shaman in Epinay-sur-Seine...

Noémie, I would really prefer
a solution in the real world,

if you don't mind.

To each her own reality...

So what does Daniel Day-Lewis do
to break character?

Go on, Mathias, teach me something.

Shoes, in Italy, with a bootmaker.

It helps him reconnect with himself.

Yes, otherwise, a faster way,

Depardieu explains that
to break from Rodin's character,

he got hammered.

Oh really?

More.

You're thirsty, ladies!

Hey, finishing The Deserter
calls for celebration!

No kidding.

Is this the grand cru?

Your favorite, my love.

Did you see, it's back?

- Yeah.
- See, look, I can do this...

Good!

You know what?

Another little splash for your hands!

- Easy, easy.
- Yes, for your hands, for your hands!

To you, to the end of The Deserter,

and to your next movie!

Bottoms up!

No, I toast, but I don't drink.

Akerfeld was very clear: no alcohol.

And it... suits me rather well,
doesn't it?

There's a hawk up there.
Or something in the hawk family.

I'm calling Ackerfeld.

A hawkling or something like that.

Solveig! Can you see me?

- Jean...
- Can you hear me?

- Jean, I hear you.
- I see you! Can you see me?

I hear you, I see you.

- What a pleasure.
- Yes, look!

I kept it!

- Indeed...
- It's the real one!

Indeed, Jean, I see.

I see.
It was, it was, it was a film...

- It was crazy...
- Very powerful, yes...

We experienced things together...

Important things and...
and thanks to you... it was...

- No, it's you, ma'am...
- Jean.

- Thanks to your work...
- Well, I...

But it was a job, Jean.

A job, with a beginning,

a middle and... an end.

Do you understand?

And now it's... done.

You can live your life now,
with your family,

your whisky, your... Anything you want...

Yes, but I wanted to talk to you
about something actually.

I was thinking,
we could have made The Deserter 2.

That would mean...

No, no.

There's only one Deserter,
and it's finished.

Cut, Jean, you understand that.

Yes, but that would mean...

Move on to other things,

make movies, other movies!

Yes.

I'm going to,
but I mean in The Deserter 2,

we could have more forest?

No.

- More wild animals, right?
- No.

More mutilations?

Jean. I love you very much.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

There you go, let it all go, let it go.

You have to let go.

Go easy though... because it's...

Let's go.

I'll let you finish?

Look, it's normal
that it's taking a while.

People aren't rushing into my office yet.

Maybe because I don't have an office.

I know it's not just going
to fall into your lap,

but, I mean,
what irritates me is that you,

you're a good person in that den of lions!

Do they actors see that?

What are you eating?

Quinoa tabbouleh.

Oh, there you have it,
they've contaminated you.

They've already cut your hair.

Next they have you working nights.
And now they're going to starve you!

A quinoa salad!

Go on, go to bed,
it hurts me to see you like that,

like a little dried out garbanzo bean.

No, I can't go to bed yet.
I still have two screenplays to read.

But don't worry,
I take micro naps during the day.

I hide in the bathroom, no one sees me!

10 minutes is enough to get some rest!

Come on, that's frightening!

Unbelievable,

a world where you're happy
to get 10 minutes' sleep

on the bathroom floor!

You need some dignity, my girl, really!

Pick yourself up!
And above all, go to bed!

Your mother's right, you should go to bed.

Good evening, Annick. Sorry to interrupt.

Oh no, that's okay, really,

especially if it's to say I'm right,
in that case, you're forgiven.

Well, she's going to make it, isn't she,
what do you think?

She's not suffering in vain?

Because if you don't think
she's got what it takes,

you'd better tell her now,
that way, at least,

she won't end up having a burn-out
like all those hysterical Parisians.

Listen, she has many of the qualities
it takes to make a good agent.

She's clever, she got the intuition,
she's a fighter, she's courageous...

Yeah, I hear a "but" coming.

But she still lacks self-confidence.

Okay, stop!

Alright, you have to stop doing that,

talking about me as if I weren't here.

And what's with the pseudo shrink session?

Camille, listen to your father!
For once he's trying to be useful...

Thank you.

That's what Samuel said.

Don't let actors think you need them.

Make them think they need you.

Hello! Oh damn!

Your mom went all out!

And I thought she was a little stingy!

It wasn't my mom, it was Hicham.

He left this too.
"Sweet dreams for your little sweetheart."

- Oh no...
- He can't help himself, can he?

Worming his way into our lives…

Hold on, it's more awkward
than anything else.

And frankly, the cradle's not bad.

And you let him do it.
You're also not clear.

Oh stop, I spend all
my time keeping him away.

- It doesn't seem like it.
- Well, yeah,

I don't tell you about every interaction
I have with him.

Don't stand
with the fridge open like that.

The biscuits are all gone?
You finished them?

You weren't home for dinner.

Hold on, this is crazy, are you mad at me?

Who insisted that we keep this baby?

You knew things would be
complicated with Hicham,

we talked about it for hours!
You wanted to keep it anyway!

Yeah, that's it, and I forced you
to get pregnant by him too!

You didn't give a sh*t
about the consequences for me.

Or whether I lost my job in New York!

Or that I'd have to see him every day
at work!

That I'd end up obese and disabled!

Because, the only thing about me
that interests you

is this baby!

That's a horrible thing to say to me.

I'm sorry.

I'm happy to have this baby with you.

It's the craziest thing
I've ever done in my life,

and I have you to thank.

You can't hold your breath forever.

I just can't stop thinking about it.

It's really bothering me.
Why did you sleep with him?

I was drunk. I'd had too much champagne.

But you don't sleep with a guy

every time you drink too much champagne!

Well, it was
a very straight champagne too.

I need to know
what went through your head.

Sleeping with a guy is gross!

When I don't understand, I get angry.

Maybe if I understood,
I could stop being angry with you.

I don't know, it's hard to explain.

Well, at first
I was attracted to this girl,

and he swept her right out
from under my nose,

and that, that irritated me,

and that she went for it, that idiot.

So there you go, so...
the three of us ended up together.

Actually,
I wasn't really into the girl anymore.

I found her arrogant.

And things heated up with him.

I mean, that hadn't happened
to me in so long,

I didn't even remember how it was.

And it was brutal... It was...

I mean, I wanted to...
I wanted to hit him...

I wanted to dominate him,

I really wanted to do it, you know...

Stop, you're visualizing...

You see, I shouldn't have told you,
now you hate me even more.

We're from different planets, you and I.

But even though it hurts me,
that's what I love about you.

Camille?

- Yeah?
- Sorry,

your appointment is here.

A young actor, Brian Valès?

Okay! I'm coming!

I'm on my way...

Over there!

Thanks...

Hi Brian, Camille Valentini.

- Hi.
- How are you?

- Very well, thanks.
- Excuse me, I was...

in a negotiation.

Follow me?

Let's go to the... Let's go to my office.

- Nice office!
- Thanks.

So... What brings you in, Brian?

I don't know,

you asked for a meeting, so...

Yes, of course, yes.

Let's talk about the beautiful career
on your horizon.

As I told you,
I already have an agent, but...

I think it's important to meet new people.

You never know...

And ASK is a big agency after all,

so it's interesting to see how you work.

Hi, Mathias!

Let me introduce you to my colleague
and friend Mathias Barneville…

Brian Valès.

- Hello.
- Hello, sir.

Do you need something?

No... That's fine.
I'll come back later, since you're busy.

Actually,

Jacques called me, Jacques Audiard…

and he really wants me to present
some young actors!

Audiard?

He calls me four times a day,
I can't take it anymore.

Anyway...

How's the negotiation with Cluzet going,
you want to talk about it?

No, that's okay, I'll manage.

Excuse me!

Wait, Mathias! Do you have a minute?

We don't know each other. I know you,

I sent you an email a year ago,

with photos and a bit of my demo reel.

We made a pact, five months ago, right?

- Exactly, yeah.
- We talked for a long time,

we thought things over
and we came to an agreement.

You said that you had no intention
of raising this child,

that you would stay in the background,

that was the condition for Colette
and I to keep this baby.

Exactly, yeah.

So then, what about "in the background"
don't you understand?

"In" or "background"?

We also said we wouldn't att*ck
each other, you're attacking me here!

What did I do? I'm in the background!

The cradle.

That's a gift!

We can't even give each other gifts?

No, we can't!

That breaks the pact.

It makes Colette anxious,
so it makes me anxious!

If you really want to give presents,

you can knit sweaters
or sew little stuffed rabbits,

but big gifts, expensive, lavish ones,

they stifle Colette.

Okay…

It's a great cradle,
but that's not the issue.

This is terrible!

Gabriel signed up for an online
dating site, it's no big deal.

He's single, he's depressed,

it's perfect for him.
What are you whining about?

No, I signed him up this week.

You did well!

But it wasn't so he'd meet girls,
it's to geolocate him.

Excuse me?

It's an app that lets you
identify single people near you,

I mean, around you.

I don't believe you.

I'm telling you it is!

So I put this thing on his phone and...

and I created a fake girl's profile
so I could follow him.

And don't think I'm complaining
or talking bad about him.

No, I care enormously for that man.

And that's why I need your help, Arlette.

I'm really afraid for him.

Alright, stop being a drama queen, please!

Tell me what's going on.

He's been acting very strange
for a while now.

So you also noticed he looks awful!

Well, he clearly has a case of hirsutism

but his behavior has also
taken a turn for the worse.

Whenever I ask him something,
he's unbearable.

And on top of that,
he tells me he's going to meetings

but he refuses to tell me with whom,

and I have to record things accurately,

I'm his assistant, so...

So I discovered that he's not going
where he says he is at all!

Then where's he going?

Hold on...

Come this way...

It must be on the left, the next path.

He meets a woman,
I'm sure of it! A married woman!

Oh yes, every day at lunch.

A quick bang in the bushes
at the Jardin des Plantes, right.

Maybe he has a date
with a student at Jussieu.

What if she's a minor?

Or he comes here to buy dr*gs.

From the animals?

Oh dear, I'm having palpitations!

I'm afraid of what we're going
to discover!

Give me that.

We're almost there, we're getting hot...

There!

Thanks!

Isn't he handsome!

- Right?
- Oh yeah, and he smells good too!

- Doing well?
- Yes.

Did you sleep well?

Yes. I'm sorry, you know,

that was a bad patch yesterday,
I knocked back a few...

That's normal, you were exhausted too!

There you are!

Hello, Babeth!

- How are you?
- You gave us quite a scare!

No...

Alright, he's here,
so all that's forgotten now...

He's cute.

Yes, this is Shrek.

- Shrek…
- Come on! Feeling good?

Great! Yeah, yeah...

Not too tight...

It's so classy, I love it.

Solène, can you take care
of the hem, please?

What's he doing? Babeth,

your dog's in my bag!

Shrek!

How does that feel?

I don't know, I don't love the tie.

Babeth, your dog, call your dog!

Shrek, heel!

I don't know.

Could we do it without the tie, maybe?
That would be...

Oh no, not the coat...

Babeth, your dog! Call him!

Drop it! Drop it!

Drop it! Drop it!

Do something, Andréa!

You need to do something!

Leave my dog alone!

Call your dog!

- That's my coat!
- Drop the coat!

Shrek!

- There!
- Shrek, wait for me!

Shrek! My baby!

Where are you?

Wait for mama!

Because I had it repaired.

So that's it, it's done,
Dujardin won't do the movie?

Right.

It could have been a lot worse
if he'd signed his contract!

This way, at least,
the penalty won't be as bad.

So what, he eats her dog
and it's up to us to pay?

Seriously?

The only solution is to suggest
one of our actors to Babeth Solis,

someone as important as Jean,
to replace him on short notice.

That's a great idea!

No, I checked my A list,
no one is available.

Canet…

Wouldn't Canet do it?

He's not my client, Camille.

- But he's the agency's client.
- No,

he's Mathias's client.

There's no way I'm asking Mathias.

I know the movie he was supposed
to do has been delayed.

- He might be free.
- That's enough, Camille.

Andréa…

Yes?

Yes, Andréa?

Could you...

Are you feeling unwell or...

I didn't hear you.

Could you ask Guillaume Canet

to replace Jean Dujardin on short notice?

So it didn't work out?

Enough, stop pretending.

I can already hear
your erection coming on.

What are you doing tonight, girls?

I'm going to the theater
to scope out actors.

And I'm going to the movies for fun!

With whom? With Philippe?

No, that... With my cousin Mylène.

Who's Philippe?

What?

Come on, we've talked
about him so many times!

Do you have Alzheimer's?

You're so out of the loop!

She put her headphones on once again

to avoid our assistant chatter.

No, come on, tell me!

He's your boyfriend?

No, Philippe is her neighbor. Well...

Well,

actually, he's married,

and we had an affair
when it went down with his wife.

But he's patched things up
with the missus since then, so...

Throw the mistress out
with the jacuzzi water!

She lives in the same building,
can you imagine?

Every day... the mailbox,
the garbage room, can you believe that?

She can even see him
from her living room window.

I don't know how you do it,
Noémie, really, sorry, but…

After what you went through...
If I were you, I'd move out!

Definitely not!

He's the one who should move
if he's got a problem with me.

I'm doing just fine.

He's the married one
and he's the one who checks me out.

I see how he looks at me.

I know he thinks about me.

I don't need him,
but he definitely needs me.

Goodnight!

We need to have a talk.

I saw the lawyer,

she told me you haven't
signed anything in weeks,

that all your negotiations are stalled,

and that your numbers
have been in free fall since September.

Since you can't manage
your talents anymore,

you visit the orangoutangs.

It's the only place where I feel
somewhat useful at the moment.

So I keep them company.

Those animals are even sadder than I am.

It's because of Sofia, is that it?

You're drowning in heartache?

What did she do to you?

Nothing.

She didn't do anything. She's a princess.

No, it's me. I ruined everything.

I was so afraid that...

that she'd leave me for Julien that I,

I did everything to ruin the movie...

And she knew it.

But the movie got done?

Because I did everything
to make up for it,

I helped them find money,

but the truth is, it was already too late.

She didn't say anything to him?

No. But she's a princess, I told you,

she's a princess. She's...

Yeah...

Well...
you want to roll me a little joint?

Because at this point,
whipped cream won't cut it anymore.

I got you into some deep sh*t, right?

You bit Babeth Solis's dog.

Her dog...

Paris dreamed it, Jean Dujardin did it!

I think that was worth
my most important commission of the year.

I cost you money, too. I'm sorry.

Oh no, I'm the one who's sorry.

Why?

Because I was thinking about my numbers
and not enough about you.

I thought, "Jean, he's always fine,
he charges in there, he's doing well..."

I couldn't see what had happened to you.

I didn't see how that role
was overwhelming you.

I should have protected you better.

Alright, come on, let's toast.

None for me, that's alright.

I'm going to take it easy,

because last time
you made me drink whiskey.

Wait... You're pregnant?

Sorry.

Oh, no, it's nothing.

No, but I...

Don't worry, so much the better.

That means I'm not just a belly.

How far along are you?

Seven months.

Yeah, it was the beginning of...
The Deserter.

That's when I started to...

Desert…

Yeah…

Seven months, right... Here.

Oh no, Jean! Not the coat.

Okay, it's time to go...

Tell me, is this the film where Depardieu

got drunk to break character?

That's the one.

Can I borrow it?

Go ahead. If anything else
interests you, feel free.

Why don't you pick out a few things
for me?

If you like. I've got everything!

But we might not have the same tastes.

Exactly.

So, this year I was observing.

As you've noticed,
I let you work as you like,

without getting too involved.

And I must admit, you've managed well.

You've all fought like dogs,
and I like that.

Andréa is the pitbull.

Right away,
you set the bar very high with Luchini,

you never once let up this year,

even when I asked you to slow down.

Mathias, is the… hunting dog,

like a German pointer. An incredible nose,

capable of scheming for weeks,

never misses a prey, right?

And this year, he finishes
with the best numbers, bravo.

Arlette… Arlette, well, she's Jean-Gabin!

She lunges for your calf

and she always takes you
where she wants, always.

This year, she increased
her numbers by 20 %,

in addition to featuring in Gala
with Guy Marchand.

And I haven't forgotten you, Camille,

the young cocker spaniel
still tripping over her ears.

But you're going to grow up,
I'm sure of it.

So, thanks to you we've had a good year.

And you know what?

It might have been an excellent one,
if not for an unexpected disaster.

Dujardin,
yes, I think everyone is aware...

But that's been fixed, Canet said yes.

Gabriel…

Gabriel… I'm not going to make up
a little story about a dog

to sugar-coat the facts.

I may as well be direct.

To fire an associate,
you have to prove serious misconduct.

What? Wait, what is this nonsense?

Gabriel, what did you do?

Do a hundred shitty negotiations
equal serious misconduct?

Do a hundred botched contracts
equal serious misconduct?

I don't know. But what most certainly
constitutes serious misconduct

is having lied,

is having led
to believe that you were working,

when you had surrendered.

The serious misconduct
was hiding like a coward,

because as you sank,
you dragged the entire agency with you,

instead of asking for help.

- That's enough!
- What are you doing?

I get it. I'm going. There.

It's humiliating enough to be fired,

I'm not going
to sit here and be put to shame.

Okay. Very well, go.

- Hicham!
- No! Hey, hold on!

A decision like that, we make together.

No, just forget it, Andréa.

But you should hug Arlette first!

She came and found me
this morning to talk about you.

Everyone has the right to a second chance.
Do you want yours?

I don't know anymore.

No, Gabriel, stop…

Don't be an idiot.

Think about me, too.

You can have a second chance.
On one condition.

What? Turn into a bulldog?

Exactly. And under supervision.

Whose?

Mine.

I'm going to do everything with you,
Gabriel Sarda.

Everything.