02x12 - The Story of Catcher Freeman

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Boondocks". Aired: November 6, 2005 – June 23, 2014.*
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Adventures of two boys, Riley and Huey Freeman, who undergo a culture clash when they move from Chicago to the suburbs to live with their grandfather.
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02x12 - The Story of Catcher Freeman

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[♪♪♪]

ANNOUNCER:
In a world of unspeakable
brutality...

freedom had a name.

And that name was Freeman.

Catcher Freeman.

This is the true story

of the man who risked
everything for justice...

and love.

Savior, soldier, k*ller...

[BONES CRACKING]

...hero.

And he was your great--

GRANDDAD:
Great-great-great-granddaddy.

The story
of Catcher Freeman.

RILEY:
Come on, Granddad.

I may not know nothin'
about history,

but I ain't stupid.

None of that story is true.

It is true.
Catcher Freeman was a hero.

And don't you ever forget it.

Excuse me.

[GRANDDAD SOBBING]

♪ I am the stone
The builder refused ♪

♪ I am the visual
The inspiration ♪

♪ That made lady
Sing the blues ♪

♪ I'm the spark
That makes your idea bright ♪

♪ The same spark
That lights the dark ♪

♪ So that you can know
Left from right ♪

♪ I am the ballot in your box
The b*llet in the g*n ♪

♪ The inner glow
That lets you know ♪

♪ To call your brother sun ♪

♪ The story that just begun ♪

♪ The promise
Of what's to come ♪

♪ And I'm 'a remain a soldier ♪

♪ Till the w*r is won
Won ♪

♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪

♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪

♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪

♪ Chop, chop, chop ♪

[SOUL MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Sing a song... ♪

RILEY:
That n*gga lying.

And how would you know?

Granddad always making up
some sh*t about history.

How come everyone we related to
is somebody famous?

The first n*gga to go
to the moon,

or the first n*gga
to pole vault?

Tsk. Man, he made up
Catcher Freeman.

sh**t, he probably made up
this whole "sl*very" thing.

What n*gga you know

gonna work all day
in a hot field for no paper?

See, that's your problem.

You be believin' anything
somebody tells you

or put in a...book.

See, I keep my mental mind
extra secure. Nothing gets in.

Where you going?

Don't wanna hear the rest
of the story?

No, I don't wanna hear no more
of your made-up stories.

I told you,
Catcher Freeman was real.

That's your great-
great-great-great-granddaddy.

What about when you told us
your cousin integrated baseball?

He did.

At school they said

Jackie Robinson
integrated baseball.

That's your fourth cousin
on my uncle's side.

Jackie Robinson Freeman.
The Freeman is silent.

Now hush and pay attention.

Catcher Freeman was
the greatest black man ever.

He was Malcolm X, Nat Turner
and Barack Obama

all rolled into one.

Okay, I'm going to start this
story from the beginning.

RILEY:
Oh, man.
From the beginning?

GRANDDAD:
Shut up.
It was the plantation

of Confederate Colonel
George Lynchwater,

better known as Massa Colonel.

Probably made him up too.

Shut your ass! The slaves
were out in the fields,

singing songs of freedom.

Guys, what--?
What are you doing?

You know you're not allowed
to sing that song.

Stop it, guys, I'm serious.
Massa's on his way.

COLONEL:
Tobias, didn't I tell you
to tell these n*gg*r*s

to stop singing that damn song?

Stop singing? Oh, no.

Tobias told us Massa Colonel
likes that song.

That's a lie.

Oh, no, Massa.

We field n*gg*s
is too dumb to lie.

But, you know,
Tobias is the lighter shades,

and he got
that sharp sense of humor.

Oh, no, no, Massa Colonel,
I wasn't--

You out here telling jokes,
Tobias?

Massa Colonel, please.

Ahh! God, that stings!

I-I knows you mad,

but don't take it out
on poor Tobias.

If you beats him,
it's like you b*ating all of us,

but with considerably
less effort.

TOBIAS:
Shut the f*ck up!

So the only n*gg*r
I gotta b*at is Tobias?

TOBIAS:
Shut the f*ck up, Percy!

PERCY:
We don't like to see that.
That makes us work harder.

COLONEL:
Well, sh*t fire
and save matches.

Maybe I'll get to bed
early tonight.

[TOBIAS SCREAMS]

Please, when you hit him,

it make us scared and make us
all just wanna stay here.

We won't do nothings
if you keep hitting him

'cause it's a-- An example
of what not to do.

COLONEL:
Well, since you love
these field n*gg*r*s so much,

you can stay out here and work
with them for a few days.

And if I hear that song again,
I'm cuttin' both your balls off.

You guys are real
f*ckin' assholes, you know that?

Come on, man,
look on the bright side.

You get to hang out in the field
with the real n*gg*s.

Ain't you sick
of the white man?

You know what I'm sick of?

You blaming the white man
for everything.

The white man this,
the white man that.

You'll never get anywhere
with that attitude.

Man, f*ck that white n*gga.
That's your massa.

All I'm saying is,
you stop being a victim,

you might better your life
on your own.

You ain't said nothing.
I'm gonna do that, believe it.

As soon as Catcher Freeman rides
through here with his brigade

and cuts that cr*cker's head
clean off, ugh, I'm out of here.

You ain't never seen no n*gga
be gone like I'm gonna be gone.

You ain't seen no n*gga
ride out like me.

And I'm a-join the g*ng.
I got a letter saying

I can join
Catcher Freeman's brigade

and ride out
with that n*gga.

MAN:
Damn, you get mail, n*gga?

Ha! Ha-ha! That's your plan?
Catcher Freeman, huh?

Why not just wait
for Santa Claus

to take you away
on his sled?

You don't believe
in Catcher Freeman?

[GIBBERING]

Of course I don't.

I don't believe
in the Easter Bunny either.

I'm telling you, man.
Catcher Freeman is real.

He go round from plantation
to plantation,

freeing all the slaves
and sh*t.

He, like, 14 feet tall,

got trapezius muscles
and biceps. sh*t crazy.

He ain't just no normal n*gga,
he's supernigga.

He like a black-ass Batman,
if you will.

He can fly...
underwater.

RILEY:
Heh-heh-heh.

Wait, how they know
who Batman is?

GRANDDAD:
Stop interrupting!

Ha! That's ridiculous.

I don't even know
who Batman is.

And what's your plan,
house n*gga?

I bet you don't even wanna
escape, all on Massa's nuts.

Oh, I'm gonna escape all right.

I'm gonna escape with this,
okay? With my mind.

I've got this. It's a play,
but for the screen.

What screen, n*gga?
We in the 1800's.

I thought of a way to display
moving pictures on a screen.

Of course, it's all abstract,

since I don't have any actual
film or cameras or anything,

but I'm gonna show Massa Colonel
my screenplay,

and when he reads it,
he's gonna know

this could be
a huge production.

n*gga, you trying to get off
the plantation

by selling a script? Ha!

n*gga, you ain't even supposed
to know how to read.

How you gonna sell
a script, assh*le?

Plus, there's
a writer's strike.

Oh, yeah? Me and Thelma
are gonna marry,

have kids
and live in Massa's house.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Tell me what you think
about your ass, n*gga.

GRANDDAD:
Thelma was
your great-great-great-

great-great-great-grandmother.

Now, Tobias was madly in love
with young Thelma.

Eww...

But Thelma didn't want
his old Uncle Tom ass.

Besides, she was about to meet
Catcher for the first time.

Young Thelma yearned
for her freedom,

so one night she decided
to make a run for it.

Oh, but that poor, little,
sweet girl didn't get far.

She ain't going nowhere.

We ain't gonna hurt you
too much.

MAN:
I might hurt you.
I might hurt you.

Hey, look up in the tree.
It's a bird.

Nope, it's Catcher Freeman.
Yippee! Come on.

Get him, get him. Watch it.

Watch behind you, Catcher.
Watch behind you. There you go.

RILEY:
Man, hold up, hold up.

This n*gga jumping
out of trees?

Catcher Freeman was
a master swordsman.

How this n*gga learn
all that ninja stuff?

They didn't even have
karate flicks back then.

Hush, boy!
It was love at first sight.

He was tall, he was handsome,

his trapezius muscles
rippled through his shirt.

All right, Granddad, dang.
You making me uncomfortable.

Catcher Freeman was
a sexy man!

And old Thelma was smitten.
Hee!

Hi, I'm Thelma.

My name's Catcher.
Catcher Freeman.

You're Catcher Freeman?
The Catcher Freeman?

You've heard of me?

Of course I've heard of you.

Who has not heard
of Catcher Freeman?

Where are you escaping from?

Oh, Colonel Lynchwater's.

I've been there for a while
and I kind of feel

like I got everything I can get
out of that organization.

I can read and write,

so hopefully that'll
look good on my résumé.

My brigade is nearby.

We're ready to k*ll
Colonel Lynchwater

and free all your friends
and kinfolk.

But we'll need your help.

Great, that's a relief,
'cause all my friends

about to be talking bad
about me.

Like, "Thelma done changed
since she been free.

She forgot where she came from,
she don't never come around."

You know.

Ah, Catcher was smitten too.

That night,
Thelma told the other slaves

about the plan to escape
with Catcher.

Let me get this straight.

Catcher gonna come
through here with his brigade,

cut that cr*cker's head
clean off,

and then we gonna be free?

MAN: Sounds good to me.

MAN 2: Hell, yeah.

Hold up, wait a minute now.

Now, I-- I know we've all
had our problems with Massa,

but, uh, this is m*rder.

PERCY:
Ah, man, shut your punk ass up.

The night before the revolt,

Thelma snuck away
to see Catcher one last time.

Here, take this.

You'll know what to do with it
when the time comes.

Why do you
still wear shackles?

So I'll never forget those
who are still in bondage.

Even though you'll be free soon,

you must continue
to be a soldier

until the w*r is won.

[♪♪♪]

[RILEY SNORING]

GRANDDAD:
But, oh, Tobias was hating
with his punk ass.

Boy, wake up!

RILEY:
Oh, is it over?

So Tobias betrayed them
because he was jealous?

Yes, but his betrayal
could not stop Catcher.

RILEY:
Man, I already know
what happened next.

First, they kick in the door,
find the g*n.

Riley, stop it!

Massa gonna smack her.

Going too fast.
Let me build some suspense.

Here come Catcher
rolling up on Massa's crib.

Riley, this is the cool part.
Enjoy the story.

Wait. Let me guess.
It's a trap.

Then Catcher's gonna run in

at, like, a dozen dudes
as they reload,

and probably
should've been sh*t,

like, a hundred times by now.

Riley, come on, now!

Then he gonna do all that
fake-ass ninja stuff again.

Stop it!

Man, we already know

the n*gga gonna win
at the end, just wrap it up.

GRANDDAD:
All right, all right!

It's over, Catcher.
Drop it, or she's dead!

I'm gettin' outta here.

k*ll him, Catcher.
Do it!

[♪♪♪]

[CRUNCH]

Ahhh!

[GROWLS]

[THELMA SCREAMS]

RILEY:
Oh, the n*gga blocked
the b*llet with his handcuffs.

Shh. You're messing up
the ending.

This is the best part.
You'll never see this coming.

TOBIAS:
Massa!

[GROWLS]

[GRUNTS]

GRANDDAD:
And they lived happily
ever after.

Boo! That movie sucked.

Shut up!

I want my money back.

Man, that ending
was hella cliché, Granddad.

That's exactly how it happened.

Prove it.

How am I gonna prove it?
Catcher lived 150 years ago.

RUCKUS:
Did I hear somebody say
something about Catcher Freeman?

The Catcher Freeman?

See? Ruckus know
about Catcher Freeman.

Of course I know about
Catcher Freeman.

Greatest black man
who ever lived.

Did he really run around
the woods

like a superhero,
k*lling white people?

Hell, no. Catcher Freeman

ain't never do
no sh*t like that.

Must have been some assh*le
told you that story, boy.

Hey.

Now sit your black asses back

and let old Uncle Ruckus

tell you the real story
of Catcher Freeman.

First of all, his name
wasn't even Catch-er Freeman,

it was Catch-a Freeman.

He sure wasn't freeing n*gg*s.
He was catchin' 'em.

I told you you was lying.

That's not true!

Sure it is,
sure it is.

See, back in sl*very,
when the world made sense,

the white man had a problem.

n*gg*s couldn't appreciate sh*t,
so they kept running away.

Now, in his strategic
brilliance,

Mr. Charlie decided
who better to catch a n*gga

than a n*gga.

So they took a field sl*ve
named Catcha Freeman

and turned him into the greatest
sl*ve hunter who ever lived.

Catcha Freeman retrieved
over 700 pieces of human

property to their respective
owners during sl*very.

GRANDDAD:
Damn it, Ruckus,
you gonna stop this right now.

RILEY:
Shh! Dang, Granddad,
I'm trying to hear the story.

RUCKUS:
Ah, look at that n*gga go.

Hold up.
You see that n*gga

flip from tree to tree
like on some old Tarzan sh*t?

Wait, wait, wait.
Bring that back,

I gotta see that again.

I'll be happy to.

Ah, look at that n*gga
go again.

Oh, my God,
this is crazy.

Nobody really knows
why Catcha

was so good at tracking
runaway n*gg*s.

Some believe
he had supernatural powers.

MAN:
Good job, boy.
Give him a biscuit.

One legend said Catcha could
actually talk to the dogs.

MAN:
Good Catcha!

[DOG BARKING]

[GASPS]

Whatever his secret,

didn't matter
how fast they could run.

He bit his leg!

Man, this dude
is off the chain.

Catcha would
find 'em anywhere.

[GROWLS]

[MAN YELPS]

Ooh, that n*gga caught it.

And I mean anywhere.

Look out,
look out, look out.

Oh, ho, ho, he came up
out that water like Jason.

Oh, he's so gangster.

See, to understand the story
of Catcha Freeman,

you gotta know a little
something about sl*very.

Now, if you think n*gg*s
is worthless and lazy today,

oh, Lord help me,

you should have seen them
back in sl*very days.

Good old Massa Colonel
and plantation owners like him

provided darkies
all over the South

with good jobs, food,
housing.

I'm telling you,
sl*very was the best thing

that ever could happen
to n*gro-kind.

HUEY:
Okay, first of all,
none of that is true,

and "Don't Trust Them
New n*gg*s" is not a spiritual.

RUCKUS:
Hush your mouth
and learn your history.

Slaves sang that and many other
joyful songs all day.

They danced,
did arts and crafts,

crocheted,
had water balloon fights,

everything, except for work.

Hey, y'all. Massa's a-coming.
He's a-coming, y'all.

[SLAVES SINGING]

TOBIAS:
Here he comes!

Look, guys, you asked me
to take you in as slaves,

and this is how you repay me?

All you do all day
is sing and jump and eat.

sh*t. You just stop.
All right, stop it!

Stop it.
Stop having so much fun!

Ha-ha-ha. Hey, Massa,
won't you do me a favor

and master these nuts
in your mouth, n*gga.

Come on, y'all,
now that's enough. I've had it.

Y'all gonna get a time-out.

Everybody is in time-out
right now.

Man, you ever notice how white
people sound when they get mad?

[STUFFY VOICE]
"I've had it. Everyone's
getting a time-out."

[ALL LAUGHING]

MAN:
They do, they do. They do
sound like that, don't they?

He sounded like that.
Ha-ha-ha.

Hey, Massa, Dienda send
a message for you.

I don't know anyone
named Dienda. Dienda who?

Dienda my d*ck, n*gga.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Now, I have put up with this
for long enough.

I'm not gonna put up with it
anymore. Get to work now!

Now, I'm-- I'm sorry I had
to speak at you so sternly,

but you brought it
on yourself.

[ALL LAUGH]

Now, stop that!
sl*ve masters have feelings too.

I just don't understand.
I try so hard with y'all.

[COLONEL SOBBING]

Man, I says we m*rder
that cr*cker.

I don't know.

Maybe it wouldn't k*ll y'all
to do a little bit of work.

What's wrongs
with you, n*gga?

We got this sl*very sh*t hooked
up just likes we like it.

And you wants to f*ck it up
with work?

Now, looks,
before we kills Massa,

we gotta get
this n*gga Catcha Freeman.

Even if we could escape,
Catcha come get us.

But Catcha Freeman stronger
and faster than us, Percy.

How's we gonna do that?

We'll use Thelma,

that high-yellow
mulatto jezebel hussy.

GRANDDAD:
Hey, that's my great-
great-great-great-

great-great-great-
great-grandmother.

RUCKUS:
No need to get emotional,
Robert,

I'm just reciting
the historical record.

Anyway, the great-
great-great-

great-hussy in question
was Thelma.

She was once again
showing her disrespect

for her kindly Massa
by running away.

[GROWLS]

[THELMA YELLS]

Get your hands off me!

[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

[THELMA YELLING]

That night, they devised
their diabolical scheme

to k*ll kind, old Massa.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[♪♪♪]

THELMA:
Catcha!

Come quick to the stables!

RILEY:
Oh, no, don't go
in there, Catcha.

[DIMWITTED VOICE]
Catcha don't see nothing.

RUCKUS:
Now, Catcha had never known

the pleasures
of the flesh before,

and he was no match
for the temptations of Thelma,

who in the darkness
of night

looked even less African
than she actually was.

[CATCHA GRUNTING]

THELMA:
Oh, yes, Catcha.

Catcha and Thelma
rolled around

in a hot, sweaty,
naked embrace,

making passionate
jungle love.

GRANDDAD:
Lies! All lies!
Thelma Freeman was a saint.

Thelma was a hussy
jezebel temptress!

Now let me finish
the story.

As Catcha lay passed out,

after expending
his manly seed...

Mm?

[CACKLING]

CATCHA:
No!

Thelma trick Catcha.

...the darkies att*cked!

Colonel Massa's men
fought bravely,

but they were outnumbered
and unprepared

for the savagery
of the n*gro as*ault.

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

MAN:
f*ck you, you massa!

Oh, you ain't
getting out of here.

I bash youse head in.

MAN 2: We gonna get you.

Only one darky, Tobias,
had the decency

to try and stop
this madness.

Wait a minute, y'all.

How's we's gonna survive
without Massa?

We can't do this,
it ain't right.

[♪♪♪]

It ain't right.

Thank you, Tobias.

I want you to know, you've
always been like a son to me.

Except I would never, ever lay

with your black
jungle-bunny mama.

Oh, Massa.

Kills them both.

[SLAVES GRUNTING]

[COLONEL SCREAMING]

Having known no other woman,

Catcha married Thelma

and lived a miserable life
as a free man in Boston.

And that, colored folks,

is the real story
of Catcha Freeman.

Ruckus, I should kick in
your damn jaw for telling lies.

You high-yellow n*gg*s
always forgetting your place.

Get the f*ck out of my house,
you fat ass, m*therf*cker.

If you were in my house,
n*gga,

I'd burn it down around
your black ass.

HUEY:
Excuse me, everyone.

I think we can resolve
this quickly.

"Catcher Tobias Lynchwater,
better known as Catcher Freeman,

"was a house sl*ve on Colonel
Lynchwater's plantation.

"He was also
Colonel Lynchwater's son,

although the colonel
never claimed him."

GRANDDAD:
Wait? W-what? Massa's son?

Uh-uh. No, no, no,
that can't be.

HUEY:
He is believed to have written
the first screenplay,

several years
before the invention

of the motion picture industry.

Catcher fell in love
with Thelma,

but Thelma wasn't looking
for love,

she was looking
for freedom.

Boy, I can't wait to tell the
white man about how you lying.

Then, on one fateful day--

Where you going?
You smell like black jellybeans.

[g*nsh*t]

[GRUNTS]

Ah, this is bullshit.

She knew the time
for freedom had come.

THELMA:
Once we're in
the weapons shed,

we as*ault the house
with everything

we can get our hands on.

Okay, guys, look. Look.

I think you're all missing
a big opportunity

here with my script.

I know most of you can't read,

but I'd be happy
to read it to you.

Catcher, in one week,

we gonna k*ll Massa.

At least let me show it to him
before you k*ll him.

I worked really hard on this.

You have one week.

[♪♪♪]

[LAUGHING]

Oh, my. You know,
I-I should hang you

for being able to read
and write.

But this is one heck of a--
Of a-- Uh...

What'd you call it? A script?

Yes, sir, Massa Colonel.
You got it, a script.

First one ever made,
right here.

Well, if you're selling,
I am buying.

Oh, you are gonna be
a very rich man, son.

Untrue!
Falsehood and untrue.

Wait, Dad. There's something
I should tell you about Thelma.

Having sold his script,

Catcher promptly betrayed
Thelma's rebellion.

RILEY:
Oh, man, he sold the crew out
for a script?

Yo, that's
a bitch-ass n*gga.

Oh, my goodness.

And when were they planning
such treachery?

A week from now.
Mm-hm. Three o'clock.

[g*nsh*t]

[MEN YELLING]

No, you lying black bitch!
That wasn't a week.

Forward! Come on!

MAN:
sh**t 'em, sh**t 'em!

Charge!

No, Massa, no!

Gee, that bitch
can fight.

Oh, my God. Stop.

Guys, just wait. Wait!

[GRUNTS]

[YELLS]

CATCHER:
Stand still, bitch!

[g*nsh*t]

Wait, wait, wait.
He meant to sh**t Thelma,

but sh*t Massa instead?

Now, that's an ending.

GRANDDAD:
My ending was better.

RUCKUS:
That ain't good white history.

But...the script.

That's colored man history
you talking.

HUEY:
That moment,
Catcher decided it was best

to just go
with the winning team.

Uh, die, cr*cker, die?

Yeah. Take that, Massa. Huh?!

Yeah. You wanna
b*at up on the slaves, huh?

Well, take this to your ass,
m*therf*cker!

Oh, Catcher.

That's how I do it, baby.

That's how I do it.

And so was born the legend
of Catcher Freeman.

Catcher and Thelma married
and moved to Canada.

His script was never produced.

And they all lived,
more or less,

happily ever after.

[BOTH GRUMBLE]

Man, that's
some old bullshit.

Never heard such bullshit
in all my life.

RILEY:
Hey, hold up.
Where y'all going?

I ain't had a chance
to tell my story yet.

My Catcher Freeman story
better than all y'alls.

Know what I'm sayin'?

See, my Catcher Freeman
wasn't no sl*ve.

'Cause he was like, "f*ck that
sh*t. I'm a real n*gga."

Plus, he had like 300 ho's.
He ain't had just no Thelma.

He had all kinds of b*tches,
and he drove a Bentley Coupe

with 24's on it

with machine g*ns
in the rims, n*gga, what?

♪ Take our black asses
Out of here ♪

♪ Won't you take
Our black asses out of here? ♪

♪ Won't you come save us
Catcher? ♪

♪ And k*ll all these crackers ♪

♪ Lord, take our black asses
Out of here ♪

♪ Sing this m*therf*cker
Now ♪

♪ Won't you take
Our black asses out of here? ♪

♪ Massa, girl
You a bitch, n*gga ♪

♪ Won't you take
Our black asses out of here? ♪
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