02x03 - Thank You for Not Snitching

[bunniefuu]

[?]

[LEAVES RUSTLING]

Yo.
What up?

Yo, can you hear me?

Yeah, I see you too.
What you want, n*gga?

Oh, man, same sh*t.

What's up with you?

The f*ck you mean,
"What's up with me?"

I'm sittin' right next to you.

Your voice sounds
real sexy right now.

Say what?

You wanna talk to me
later on?

No, I don't wanna talk
later on, m*therf*cker.

What the f*ck is wrong with you?

What the f*ck's so sexy
about my voice?

Ah, man, my bad.

I was on the phone.

Oh, great,
you got one of those

ridiculous f*ckin' headsets.

Man, I don't know
what you be talking about,

b*tches like this sh*t, man.

They be thinkin'
I'm one of them mens in black,

or somethin' like that,
you know.

They think I got big things
goin' on, you know?

They be wondering where
the black limo is at

when they see-
All they see is the headpiece,

they assume it's a black limo,
know what I'm sayin'?

Uh, h-hold up, hold up, hold up.
This the house right here.

Okay, okay, check it out.

Last week, right,
I was in the strip club, right.

I had titties in one hand,
titties in the other hand.

I had two hands
full of titties.

That's bigger
than two scoops of raisins.

I'm talkin' to my accountant
at the same time.

What's not to like about that?

First of all, I don't know
when you talkin' to me

or when you're on the phone.

Second, when people wear
those things,

they appear to be talkin'
to theyselves.

There's a name for people
who talk to theyselves, Ed.

They're called the homeless.

Man, b*tches love this
Bluetooth sh*t. Changed my life.

I don't know what to do
with my hands now.

Be that as it may,

no technology
is worth my dignity.

If talking
on a wireless headset

mean I gotta look
like Buck Rogers,

then I'm not interested.

Besides, there's a reason

why people hold
the phone to their head, Ed.

It lets people around you know
you're talkin' on the phone.

So those people know not
to waste time talkin' to you

until you're finished,

which you indicate by
puttin' that m*therf*cker away.

ED: You know, I like the way your
booty looks when you bend over.

I like that a lot.

Very sexy.

Mm-hm. I can make it
over there later.

Yeah, I'm real ready.

I hate
these f*cking headsets.

? I am the stone
The builder refused ?

? I am the visual
The inspiration ?

? That made lady
Sing the blues ?

? I'm the spark
That makes your idea bright ?

? The same spark
That lights the dark ?

? So that you can know
Left from right ?

? I am the ballot in your box
The b*llet in the g*n ?

? The inner glow
That lets you know ?

? To call your brother sun ?

? The story that just begun ?

? The promise
Of what's to come ?

? And I'm 'a remain a soldier ?

? Till the w*r is won
Won ?

? Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ?

? Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ?

? Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ?

? Chop, chop, chop ?

[?]

HUEY: It was the third
house to get robbed

in Woodcrest
in less than a week.

The police were talking
to everyone for clues.

... came from that area
over there, uh, running...

Well, almost everyone.

... do they gallop still?

He had a gallopy gait to him.

Officer, I'm not finished.
[RINGS]

Hello, sir,
I'm Officer Calloway,

I'm here to-
I didn't see nothin',

I don't know nothin'.
Cheers.

Uh... cheers.

Granddad really didn't know

anything about the break-ins.

But his unwillingness to talk
with the police

is a common trait
with black people.

[?]

It's no secret
that black people

are culturally inclined
against snitching.

Hey, I ain't seen nothin'.

Hell, no!

Man, f*ck your mama.

But recently,
what was once

an unwritten rule
about snitching

has become a full-blown
"Stop Snitching" movement,

complete with merchandising.

Take the m*rder of -year-old
Jermaine "LoJack" Walker,

who was sh*t during
a street basketball tournament

in the middle
of a summer afternoon,

in front of at least
eyewitnesses.

Nobody even called the cops,
they all just went home.

But despite the cultural
stigma against it,

a whopping one-in-
black men in poor neighborhoods

is an active informant.

You damn right, Mr. Policeman,
I saw the whole thing.

[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]

HUEY:
That means every party...

every cookout...

every wedding...

probably has someone secretly
working as an informant.

Where I live,

snitchin' is more like
a recreational hobby.

They even have a club
for snitches.

It's called
the Neighborhood Watch.

No snitching.

Hold it right there, boy.

Woodcrest Neighborhood Watch.

Now, where was you at :
last night, huh? Huh?!

Come on, now,
don't lie to me, n*gga!

n*gga, I was in bed.

No, you wasn't,
I seen you with my own eye.

You was robbing white people's
houses, wasn't you?

And-
Oh, look at them wheels.

The law say
when the bicycle stop,

the wheels supposed to stop.

You need a special permit
for wheels like that.

Oh, come back here!

I'm calling the police.
Stop!

OLD MAN:
Can we bring in the Army?

How long will we wait
on the police to protect us?

Can we bring in the Army?

This is a tragedy.

The white man ain't never done
nothin' to nobody,

and he don't deserve this.

TOM:
Wait, everyone.

Please, order.
People, calm down.

This is our fault.

We've let the predators
think we're weak.

Has the Department
of Homeland Security

ruled out terrorism?

It was them Freeman boys.

I'm telling you, you can't
trust them new n*gg*s.

Yeah, I said it.

Now, Ruckus, that's crazy.

If they're so innocent,

why won't they talk
to the police?

OLD MAN:
What did he say?

RUCKUS:
Why wouldn't they?

Doesn't sound like
innocent behavior to me.

Ah. Why wouldn't they wanna
talk to the police?

I love talking to the police.

We're gonna go check 'em out.

If the cops won't make 'em talk,

I'll make 'em talk.

Mrs. Von Hausen,

the Neighborhood Watch

is not a law enforcement agency.

No interrogations.

Now, if you visit the Freemans

and ask them to join
the Neighborhood Watch,

that would be great.

And let's all of us reach out
to all our other neighbors

to help us keep an eye out.

Okay?

MAN:
Well, that's sensible.

MAN : The black one's right.
Really, he is.

Oh, we're gonna
reach out, all right.

[?]

[RUCKUS CLEARS THROAT]

[?]

What the hell do ya'll want?

We'll ask the questions
around here, Robert.

Ask the question,
Miss Von Hausen.

I don't have time
for this crap!

Get out the way,
old white woman.

VON HAUSEN:
Mr. Freeman,

we are from the Woodcrest
Neighborhood Watch.

Now, as you know, we've had
some home invasions recently.

Mm-hm.
We were concerned to hear

that you refused
to talk to the police.

I didn't see nothin'.

You tell 'em, Granddad.

No snitching.

You've also refused
our previous invitations

to join
the Neighborhood Watch,

and we could use
your support.

Our motto is:
Neighbors watching neighbors.

Oh, I'm watchin', all right.

I'm watchin' this neighborhood

become a bunch
of damn tattletales.

Good one, Granddad.

You killin' 'em.

Property was stolen,

Mr. Freeman.
RUCKUS: Stolen.

The sanctity of our community
was violated.

Tough titty.

I ain't got time
for this bullshit.

Boy, I'll be back tonight.

Move the hell out of my way.

Robert, did you just
touch a white woman?

[?]

RUCKUS: Sorry he touched
you, Miss Von Hausen,

we'll make sure
you get sterilized.

Whoa, whoa, look out!

You almost touched
Miss Von Hausen!

Stop snitching!

[CAR DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

Hey, boy.

[BOTH YAWN]

Go to bed soon.

Good night, Granddad.

[?]

[RUCKUS BREATHING HEAVILY]
Shh-shh-shh.

RUCKUS:
Uh-huh.

RUCKUS:
Oh...

RUCKUS:
Mm-hm.

ED: If you had a
headset like mine,

you could be on the phone
right now.

Nah, baby, I'm still here.

[YELLS]

[CRASHES]

Oh, sh*t.

VON HAUSEN:
What was that?

Come on!

Heh, word down at the gym
is that he done wore

the same pair of drawers
for the last three days.

Hear that?
Sounds like n*gg*s.

Shh!

Then he go and lift weights.
RUCKUS: What you see?

sh*t, he- He just hatin'

'cause, see,
I ain't even tell Janet

anything about what you told me.

Would you get off
that f*cking phone?

[g*nsh*t] Oh, sh*t!

RUCKUS: Buck 'em down,
Miss Von Hausen!

We're takin' fire, run!

[g*nsh*t]
[SCREAMS]

RUCKUS: Get them Negroes!
ED: They sh**t'.

No, no, no, I'm still here.

Yo, can I still come over?

Come on, you want
some of this? Come on.

RUCKUS: Feel the power
of the white folk.

Get 'em, Miss Von Hausen!

That's the way.
Wait, Miss Von Hausen.

Wait, let me have
a piece of that.

Come on, now!

RUCKUS:
Buck 'em down!

RUMMY: Riley!
Hey, Riley, look, man,

I need somewhere to hide.
n*gg*s are sh**t', man.

n*gg*s are sh**t'?
ED: Hey!

This the car that got
pimped out by Xzibit.

Say, you on the phone
or you talking to me?

I'm talkin' to Riley.

Hey, y'all see the new rims
I got on my bike?

This thing has a push-button
starter like a racecar.

So you wouldn't even need a key.

RILEY: I know y'all n*gg*s
not tryin' to jack Dorothy.

Whoa, whoa!
What y'all doin'?

We're just gonna borrow
the car for a little while,

we- We bring it right back.

We bring it right back, bro.
Whoa, wait, hold up.

Y'all can't take
my granddad's car.

[ENGINE STARTS] Stop, Ed.

You can't take the car.

[R&B MUSIC PLAYING
OVER STEREO]

Whoa, this is nice.

[MOTOR WHIRRING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

RILEY:
Hell, no!

GRANDDAD:
Was that a b*mb?

Bin Laden ain't mad at me is he?
Man, they got the car.

GRANDDAD:
Huh?!

[GASPS]

Oh, sweet Jesus!

They stole Dorothy, Lordy.

VON HAUSEN:
He saw it.

He saw everything.

Riley, who did this?

Damn it, hurry up, boy,
tell us who did it.

Now, you're gonna tell me
who stole my car

or I'm gonna get my belt
or a -by-

and go upside your head.

GRANDDAD: Tell me who stole my car.
Nobody steals my car.

I pays for my car.

But what would my n*gg*s think
of me if I snitched?

Wait a minute, what n*gg*s?

Hey, I got n*gg*s.
HUEY: Where?

In the street.
What streets?

GRANDDAD: I ain't asking no more.
Come here!

Mm-mm, I can't do it,
Granddad,

I can't talk to the po-po.

Tell Granddad,
he's not the police.

That's right.

You can tell me.

You promise not to tell?

I promise.
I swear on your life.

You lyin'.
That's messed up, Granddad.

Damn it, boy,
tell me who stole my car!

How am I gonna get
my butter beans?

Give me a little more time,
I'll get it out of him.

The officers have orders

to take you both in
for questioning.

I'm sorry.

Both of us?
I'm afraid so.

Don't snitch, Granddad.

They don't know nothin'
unless you tell 'em.

[GRUNTS]

GRANDDAD:
Damn it!

Damn it, come here.

MAN:
Sir, release the child.

Release the child.
TOM: You're choking him.

HUEY: Ironically, despite
the hip-hop community

being the driving force

behind the "Stop Snitching"
movement,

rappers tend to snitch
on themselves a lot.

In , rapper Gangstalicious
reportedly assaulted

record executive
Johnny Guinness

with a tennis racket

and a bottle of Hennessy
on the set of a music video.

Guinness refused to cooperate
with authorities.

But the next day,

Gangstalicious made
an appearance on MTV's TRL.

Hold up, hold up.
Ugh, ugh.

Drop the b*at,
drop the b*at, ugh.

? Gangstalicious
My rhymes are too vicious?

? Eat emcees all day
Mmm, delicious?

? My whole crew up in this
No doubt we gonna win this?

? Smack up your moms
Like I smacked Johnny Guinness?

? Three o'clock yesterday
I don't care what they say?

? Suckers really shouldn't play
I hit 'em with the Hennessy?

Back at the Neighborhood Watch,

Tom was facing
an all-out revolt.

TOM:
Please, people!

Riley Freeman will talk.

I assure you.

I say it's time

we officially militarize
the Neighborhood Watch.

MAN:
Yeah, that makes sense!

No! Everyone calm down.

I promise you,
Riley will talk soon.

Do you even have a permit
for that g*n?

Maybe I don't.

Come and pry it
from my cold, dead hands...

[COCKS]
... f*gg*t boy.

MAN: Yeah, that's what
I'm talkin' about!

[?]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

Police knew Granddad
wasn't robbin' the houses.

What they didn't know was
if he, like Riley,

was withholding information.

Now, you listen here,
you little bitch.

I'm gonna ask you
some real simple questions

and I want
some real simple answers.

Now, you pulled into the garage
and went into the house at : ?

Yes, I believe,

if I'm not mistaken,
it was : .

So you pulled into the garage

and went into the house

at : ?

Yeah, n-nine, yes.

I looked at my watch, and-
And, yes, mm-hm, mm, : .

So you're telling me,
definitely,

that you pulled into the garage

and went into the house
at : ?

Y-yes, that's...

I believe it was : .

Definitely.

Now, you see something.

You know you done f*cked up,
right?

GRANDDAD:
No! I said, no.

I said I pulled

into the garage at-
[LAUGHS]

[GRANDDAD STAMMERS]

You know you done f*cked up,
right?

No, I said...

Wait a minute.
I told you...

But without Riley talking,
the cops had nothing,

and Riley wasn't talking.

RILEY: I know y'all seen n*gg*s
with spinning rims, right?

But check it,
check it, check it.

I'm sayin', on a bike though.

And then, like,
when I pop a wheelie,

know what I mean?

And that front wheel be up
off the ground,

it keeps spinnin'.
Ooh, boy.

Man, n*gg*s...
Somebody get me out of here.

Heh-heh.
They just mad...

Before I sh**t this f*cking kid.

RILEY:
I be like, ugh! Ugh!

One problem black people
have with snitching

is that the police
don't necessarily protect

those that come forward.

Take the case
of Bernard Jefferson,

who helped the police
shut down a local cr*ck house.

Hey, you did the right thing.

So, um, do you think.

I might need some protection
or something?

Yeah, that's more
the fed's thing.

Uh, you'll be fine.

You see anything weird,
you just give us a call,

all right, buddy?
Heh. Okay.

MAN:
Hey, Bernard!

You snitch-ass m*therf*cker!
Mama!

[BERNARD YELLING]

MAN:
Shut the f*ck up!

Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

Bernard lived,
but when he refused

to identify
the men who sh*t him,

he was charged with conspiracy

and sentenced
to a month in jail.

GRANDDAD: Can't believe
this little, young kids,

out their damn mind.

Boy, get upstairs
and go to your room.

I'm gonna take me a nap,

gonna drink me a Red Bull,
then I'm gonna wake up

and b*at you
till you decide to talk.

I did everything I could,
but if Riley doesn't talk,

they're both
gonna be charged tomorrow.

What the hell is wrong with you?
This ain't a movie, Riley.

You and Granddad
about go to jail.

I can't snitch.

This person stole
from your family.

I tried to stop 'em.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Yeah. Hey.

[?]

M-may I sit down
over there next to Riley?

What are you guys
talking about?

Are you talking about
who's doing the break-ins?

If you know, you can tell me.

I won't tell anybody.

Jazmine,
are you wearing a wire?

[SHRIEKS]

JAZMINE:
Code blue, code blue!

What the hell is this,
a snitch-athon?

Man, there's snitches
everywhere.

They under the bed too?

How about the closet?

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Hey there, boys.

Ooh, this is uncomfortable.

[?]

ED: See, I'm what they
call "techno-savvy. "

I fucks with the future.

Yeah, the problem is,
we don't live in the future, Ed,

we live in the present.

And in the present,
that sh*t looks ridiculous.

It's not a cybernetic ear, it's
a f*ckin' cell phone headset.

The only thing you gonna do
with it is call a bitch.

And unless
the bitch is a Martian,

there ain't no explanation
for it to look that high-tech.

Have you seen that sh*t
in the mirror?

You look like you're going to
a f*ckin' comic book convention.

This the house?

Yeah, man, this the house.

Hold up, hold up,
I'm getting a call.

Yeah.

What's good, baby?

Ed, ain't that one of your
grandfather's alarm systems?

ED: Nah.
n*gga, you sure?

It says, "Wuncler Security. "

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.

I ain't seen
no naked pictures, girl.

Send them to my Sidekick.

Damn it, Ed,
get off that f*cking phone.

I think we in the...

[g*nsh*t]
[ED YELLS]

Who- Who's there, huh?

-wrong house.

Yeah, yeah, I'm still here.

m*therf*cker done sh*t me.

[?]
GRANDDAD: I don't get it.

You guys got elephant dollars.

Why your dumbass
robbing people?

'Cause I'm an American.
sh*t.

It's the American way, man.
sh*t.

Where the f*ck was you raised?
A Third World country?

See, as I broke it down
to Ed, pops,

if people don't have a need,
then there won't be no demand,

so we out here creating the
demand, know what I'm sayin'?

Turns out Ed and Rummy
were breaking into homes

as a way to stimulate sales
for Wuncler's Security service,

which was owned
by Ed's grandfather.

The irony is,
Granddad had already signed up

for Wuncler Security.

And to add insult to injury,
it didn't even work.

Heh. Well, now, y'all
get it right next time.

You know, the cost of b*ll*ts
are going up.

RUMMY: Sure, you're right.
Heh-heh-heh.

Hey, thanks for being
so cool about this, pops.

You all right with me.

Anyway, Granddad got his car
back, and that was that.

Oh, come on.

[LAUGHS]

It was a misunderstanding.

Hey, Ed, give
your granddaddy my best.

They did it.

[CROWD GASPS] Cheers.

[CROWD CHATTERING
INDISTINCTLY]

Ah. There's no way.

Them ain't no Negroes,
it couldn't be them.

What the f*ck
y'all looking at?

No charges were filed.

WOMAN:
No way.

ED: Nah, baby, I-I'm
not talking to you.

[?]

[GASPS]

My bike!

Someone stole my bike.

RUMMY:
Yo, Riley!

Spinning, baby!

Ed and Rummy
done stole my bike!

Man, n*gg*s,
I can't stand them.

Stole my damn bike.

Hey, come back
and bring me back my bike.

GRANDDAD:
What's that, boy?

Nothin'.

Where's your bike?

[LAUGHING]

I hope you got some insurance
on those spinners.

RUMMY:
Wheee!

Thank you for not snitching!

ED:
You stupid m*therf*cker!

[RUMMY LAUGHS]

[?]