BOY:
Hold on, I just got
out of the shower.
There's some juice
on the table.
Mm-hm.
Take your time.
You wanna explain to me
what you're doing here?
I came looking for booty.
You came looking for sex
with an underage boy?
Oh, no. I ain't come looking
for no little boys.
I ain't got no milk,
no cookies, nothing.
I came looking for man's butt.
A man's butt?
Excuse me?
Oh, I know who you are,
Chris Hansen.
But see I calls you
Chris Handsome.
I watch your TV show
all the time.
So you can go ahead
and bring in them cameras
and them police
is waiting outside.
It don't make me no difference.
Now, I'll tell you what.
I like you, and I want you.
Now, we can do this
the easy way,
or we can do it the hard way.
The choice is yours.
Well, I don't think you and I
will be doing anything
any kind of way.
Okay, I see
you choosing the hard way.
Okay, cut.
This isn't working.
Someone get this guy out...
[GROWLS]
Don't make me ruin
that butt, Chris!
No. Please!
I'm a warrior!
[SCREAMING]
[PANTS TEAR]
[***]
* I am the stone
That the builder refused *
* I am the visual
The inspiration *
* That made lady
Sing the blues *
* I'm the spark
That makes your idea bright *
* The same spark
That lights the dark *
* So that you can know
Left from right *
* I am the ballot in your box
The b*llet in the g*n *
* The inner glow
That lets you know *
* To call your brother sun *
* The story that just begun *
* The promise
Of what's to come *
* And I'm 'a remain a soldier *
* Till the w*r is won
Won *
* Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip *
* Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip *
* Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip *
* Chop, chop, chop *
HUEY:
Tom DuBois was widely known
to be a friend
of the gay community.
Tom was a crusader
for gay marriage.
He marched
in gay pride parades.
He watched gay movies
and never once turned away
or even made a face during
the gay sex scenes.
TOM:
Wow.
Sean Penn is amazing.
HUEY:
But beneath Tom's support
of the gay community
was a dark secret.
Tom had a fear
of going to jail
and being anally r*ped.
Hey, hey, hey n*gga.
You got a nice
little ass, n*gga.
Gimme your ass, n*gga.
You see me looking at you.
Gimme your ass.
No! Stay away!
MAN: Hey, brown skin!
[***]
HUEY:
The phobia got so bad
he took a leave of absence
from his job.
Eventually, he stopped
leaving the house altogether.
Finally, Tom found a program
specializing in his phobia,
treating patients
with a combination
of group therapy...
My name is Tom.
And I have a fear
of going to jail
and being anally r*ped.
ALL:
Hi, Tom.
confidence-building
affirmations...
ALL:
My booty is mine.
It belongs to me.
You cannot take my booty.
...and basic self-defense.
So when grabbed from behind,
The first thing we do
is drop our center of gravity.
Then, we thrust
our hips backwards
and our arms forward,
breaking the hold.
Okay, Tom.
Now, I'll do you
and you try to get me off.
I can't!
It was a long road
to recovery.
PRINCIPAL:
This is the third time
your boys have been caught
fighting this quarter,
Mr. Freeman.
This time, it was a brawl
against five other boys.
What happened to him?
He got in the way.
You have two options,
Mr. Freeman.
The first is that both
of your boys
are expelled from school.
Ooh, I'll take that one.
Pick that one, Granddad!
And, uh, what's the other?
We send your boys to prison.
Hold up. Don't you think
that's a little...
This is a permission slip
for our Scared Stiff program.
Delinquent students
visit a real jail
so they can interact
with real inmates
and see the real future
that awaits them
if they continue with their
pathological behavior.
Ooh, I change my mind,
Granddad!
Pick jail! Pick jail!
Pick jail! Pick jail!
Please let me go to jail!
Tom, do you have something
you'd like to share
with the group?
Why, yes I do.
My name is Tom.
And I am no longer afraid
of going to prison
and being anally r*ped.
That's fantastic, Tom.
And to prove it,
tomorrow I'm going to prison.
MAN: Did he say...?
[ALL GASP]
I've agreed to chaperone
a Scared Stiff program.
I'm taking a group
of troubled youths to prison
so they can mend their ways.
Well, that's excellent, Tom.
MAN:
Whoa, man,
are you sure about that?
Absolutely.
I'm looking forward to it.
See? Tom is going to face
his fears head on.
And he's gonna walk out
of that prison with his rectum
and his peace of mind intact.
Way to go, Tom!
MAN: Way to go, buddy.
Anybody wanna come with me?
[ALL MURMURING]
ALL: No.
No? Okay.
SARAH:
Honey, it is great
that you're making
so much progress
with the therapy,
but I just don't want you
to think you have to prove
anything to anyone.
Oh, honey...
Look, I'm not worried
about your safety,
but I'd hate for you to have
a bad experience
and go back to how you were.
You know, I was thinking about
becoming a defense attorney.
But how can I do that
if I'm too scared
to step foot in prison?
How would I meet
with the clients?
Wow! Tom.
I had no idea.
Imagine it, sweetie.
Saving people from a**l r*pe
instead of sending them to it.
And that's what this trip
is about.
These boys need this trip.
They don't fear jail at all,
which means they'll probably
end up there
if no one does anything.
Don't you see, honey?
If I'm afraid to live my life
then the a**l rapists win.
My anus is gonna be fine.
And I'm gonna make sure
those young boys' anuses
are just fine too.
Pause.
TOM:
Okay, guys,
remember to stay
with the group at all times.
And remember,
nothing metal in your pockets.
The guards will take it away
from you
and you won't
get it back, okay?
Ah, okay, this is it.
All right, alrighty.
My name is Uncle Ruckus,
Volunteer Corrections Officer.
Next stop, Willie Horton
Maximum Security Prison.
Now, you white
children be prepared.
This is gonna be
like a trip to the zoo.
But do not worry,
your Uncle Ruckus
will protect you.
And as for you Negroes,
well, this just gonna be
like a trip to the future.
So it should be exciting
for everybody!
Come on aboard!
We got mm-hm, all right...
[CHILDREN CHATTERING]
Wait, where's Riley?
Riley, what are you doing?
Nothing.
Give it here.
Come on.
Riley, I am very
disappointed in you.
Now go get on that bus.
We going inside, Mr. DuBois.
Anything can happen in there.
I gots to have my shank.
You want me make you one?
I brought an extra toothbrush.
Now.
Man, if something happens,
it's your fault.
RILEY:
Anything can happen
in there.
If something happens,
it's your fault.
Anything can happen in there.
We going inside, Mr. DuBois.
[***]
[CAWING]
[METAL DETECTOR BEEPING]
[CHUCKLES]
[MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
MAN:
Put my finger
in your ass, man.
It's tougher
to shock kids nowadays.
They already know
what goes on in jail.
But we do our best to scare
the living sh*t out of them.
CONVICT:
Some of you are here today
'cause you think jail is cool.
But see y'all wouldn't
know nothing about that sh*t.
Ain't sh*t cool
about jail, nyukka!
MAN:
Ain't nothing cool.
I been here years,
and I ain't never getting out.
I ain't do much.
Just k*ll somebody.
It ain't like the nyukka
ain't have it coming.
MAN: He sure did.
Y'all think
it's just about us in here,
but this is about
an oppressive,
f*cked-up system
designed to keep n*gg*s
down and sh*t.
[WHIMPERS]
Y'all wouldn't know
nothing about that.
What about you, little n*gga?
You know about that?
Yes.
Oh, you know about that?
Tell me
what you know about that!
Tell me what you think
about that!
The prison-industrial complex
is a system situated
at the intersection
of government
and private interests.
It uses prisons as a solution
to social, political,
and economic problems.
It includes
human rights violations,
the death penalty,
sl*ve labor, policing, courts,
the media, political prisoners,
and the elimination of dissent.
[MAN SCOFFS]
n*gga, did you just say
what I was trying to say
but smarter?
I like this little n*gga.
But you left one thing out,
little n*gga.
Show of hands, how many people
ever r*ped a man.
RILEY:
Pause. Heh-heh.
Uh-huh. How many people
ever been r*ped by a man?
RILEY:
Pause again.
All of them.
One hundred percent.
You can't get no higher
than that, nyukka.
You step in here,
you getting r*ped.
Right up the m*therf*cking
brown eye, baby.
I r*ped a few n*gg*s myself.
I ain't really enjoy it,
not that much.
sh*t, it felt good
to the m*therf*cker though.
I ain't let that n*gga
kiss me or nothing,
but I did tear that
m*therf*cking ass up, n*gga,
I ain't gonna lie about it.
But that's what the Man's
oppressive system did to me.
Now, me?
I'm more of a romantic type.
I'll still r*pe you,
but I'll definitely stroke
your head lovingly
while I do it.
See, cause I want you
to like it.
Now, you don't have to like it.
But I...
Sorry. I was distracted
by that fine m*therf*cker
right there.
What's your name,
fine m*therf*cker?
I, uh...
MAN: What's your name?
Don't think that's, um...
Tom.
Okay, now let's talk about Tom.
Tom is the type of n*gga
that gives us
wet dreams up in here.
Medium brown.
Soft features.
Tall and in shape,
but still soft and squishy.
[WHIMPERING]
Now, I like to put
the jelly inside my ass.
Then put some of this peanut
butter on top of it.
I call it a peanut butter-jelly
and assh*le sandwich.
But Tom here
will be calling it lunch.
MAN:
Yeah, n*gga!
You know what the system
does when you come to prison?
They strip you.
They strip you mentally,
emotionally,
and they strip you naked.
But-ass naked! What the f*ck
is you looking at n*gga?
Punch you right in your
m*therf*cking temple, n*gga.
Give me your clothes.
MAN: b*at his ass.
You're supposed
to be scaring the kids.
I said give me your clothes.
Start with your shoes. Hurry up.
You need some help?
I got it.
[WHIMPERS]
Now you see this, kids?
You really,
really, don't want this
to happen to you, okay?
CONVICT:
And your shirt too,
n*gga! Hurry up!
MAN:
Take it off!
CONVICT:
Okay. Y'all
m*therf*ckers looking, huh?
Tom just got his m*therf*cking
manhood tested.
And he failed.
He should have knocked
my m*therf*cking head off.
And you know
what that means, don't you?
Tom, you getting r*ped.
When you go to prison,
the most important thing
in your life is gonna be booty.
MAN:
Better listen to him.
A man's butt.
Booty, getting some booty
is more important
than eating food.
It's more important
than drinking water.
If I see a man I like,
I tell him like this here:
I likes you, and I want you.
Now, we can do this
the easy way,
or we can do it the hard way.
The choice is yours.
MAN: What you want?
What's it gonna be?
[WHIMPERING]
MAN : Say it, n*gga.
I asked you a question, Tom.
MAN : I can't hear you.
MAN : Say it, Tom!
I-I don't want to answer.
Uh, excuse me
I didn't hear you, Tom.
I said I-I don't want to answer.
I don't wanna...
I don't wanna do this anymore.
Sound like to me
you want it the hard way.
MAN:
Give it to him!
GUARD:
Out of the way!
All right, everybody calm down!
Calm down! Now we taking
over the prison.
So back up! Back up!
[ECHOING]
Back up! Back up!
You can't have my booty!
[SCREAMS]
[ALL SHOUTING]
GUARD:
Get him! Get him!
[WHIMPERING]
[SCREAMING]
[PRISONERS YELLING]
[SIREN WAILING]
[***]
[PRISONERS SHOUTING]
REPORTER:
And more reports coming
in that hostages
are being held
inside the prison.
[PANTING]
Oh, my God.
I can't believe this.
WOMAN:
Hello, emergency.
Oh, my God. Listen,
you have to help!
Help me, please!
Sir, please calm down.
What's your emergency?
I'm inside William Horton
Maximum Security Prison
and they att*cked the guards.
I think there's
a riot happening.
They've got hostages too.
Children. Oh, my God,
I left the children.
Sir, where did you say
you were again?
I'm inside the prison.
How long before the cops
come in and save us?
Well, I wouldn't hold
your breath.
Yeah, I got a guy
on the phone that says
he's at Horton Prison.
I-I don't know,
I'll ask.
Uh, sir,
have they r*ped you yet?
Ha-ha-ha!
Have they r*ped...
No! What kind of a f*cked
up question is that?
[GRUNTING]
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello?
AUTOMATED VOICE: Hello.
You have a collect call from
a correctional facility from:
[TOM CRYING]
[TOM SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Do you accept the call?
Yes! Yes!
TOM: Honey!
Oh, Tom! What's wrong?
I was in the prison, and...
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
Riley had a shank and I...
I didn't throw it away
and then it started a riot.
[GASPS]
Damn it, who let
that booty get away?
Don't look at me, I was fighting
with the guards.
Well, what do we do now?
Ask him, it was his idea.
I thought you had some
escape plan worked out.
Wasn't no escape plan.
Uh, booty is more
important than escaping.
So I said to myself
when I seen that shank,
"This an opportunity for me
to get some booty."
That was it? n*gga,
I thought you had demands.
Oh, I had demands.
I had demands
to get some booty.
I thought this was supposed
to be some Attica type sh*t.
Now, how y'all think
that make me feel?
Y'all let the booty get away.
Now I got to go
hunt down the booty. Damn.
[PRISONERS SHOUTING]
Tom!
RUCKUS:
Please. Do what you want
to them two little
gorilla chimps over there.
But leave these beautiful
little white children alone.
Are you gonna r*pe us?
Do we look like priests?
We ain't gonna hurt no kids.
Now, that's good. That's good.
But it is okay
if you do hurt them.
Hey, n*gga. Hey,
didn't I just say
we ain't gonna hurt no kids?
So shut the f*ck up
and let me think!
No plan, huh?
We didn't exactly
put a whole lot of thought
into this,
you know what I'm saying?
Guess we just kind of,
you know, got caught up
in the m*therf*cking moment.
You have grievances, right?
Like a m*therf*cker.
Well, you got hostages.
Might as well
make the best of it.
Make a list
of reasonable demands
in exchange for the hostages
and this might all work out.
Hey, yo, what y'all think,
n*gg*s?
Should we try to like, uh,
you know what I'm saying
and sh*t, like, uh, negotiate
with these m*therf*ckers
for stuff?
There's definitely some things
I'd like to see changed.
Me too.
Well, if we gonna do this sh*t,
we need to do it right.
We can't just be acting like
a bunch of wild ignorant n*gg*s
out there just be shouting out
demands and sh*t.
We got a m*therf*cking
black president now.
Ha! Good luck! Baboon Bama'll
be in here soon too.
Hey, hey! You ain't too fat
and ugly to get r*ped,
m*therf*cker.
I apologize for my outburst.
[CRYING]
I left the kids.
I gotta go back for the kids.
Honey, just stay there.
Let the professionals handle it.
No. This is all my f-fault.
I have to make it right.
I love you, sweetie.
Tom!
No, please don't be brave.
Bravery isn't your thing.
I love you, sweetie.
If I don't come back,
tell Jazmine that I-I...
[SNIFFLES]
[SNORTS]
[SCREAMS, CRYING]
[***]
CONVICT:
Okay, so all the motions
brought before this
m*therf*cking committee
to add, uh, a demand
to the official list of demands
will be ratified
with a m*therf*cking
majority vote, n*gga.
Unless that demand is vetoed
from the committee chief
executive,
at which point it will require
a two-third majority vote
to pass.
Yo, who gets to be
the chief executive?
I'm the m*therf*cking
chief executive, m*therf*cker.
I didn't vote for you.
I thought this was
a democracy,
you autocratic m*therf*cker.
Come over here,
and say that sh*t
and I'll turn your m*therf*cking
teeth upside down.
The chief executive
is a rotating office to be held
by each member of
the Executive Riot Committee
in order of prison ID number,
for a period not to exceed
minutes' time.
Well, wait a g*dd*mn minute.
Who the f*ck is this
Executive Riot Committee?
Us.
Oh yeah, right.
Okay, good.
First motion to introduce
a demand for rafification:
All in favor of b*tches?
Brother Huey, let the record
show that the motion has passed.
Please add "b*tches"
to the official list of demands.
ALL:
Yeah! b*tches!
Okay, next motion?
White b*tches.
Wait.
Isn't that covered in b*tches?
Hold up! b*tches
and white b*tches
is two different things.
Well, then we have
to go back and amend
the previous demand
to specify white b*tches.
Why we gotta have a white bitch
because you got a white bitch?
To me it's a wasted demand.
They never gonna give us
a white bitch.
They never give us one
if we don't ask.
We got to stand up,
and not just demand b*tches,
but white b*tches.
Well, f*ck it then,
I want me an Alaskan bitch.
Beggars can't be choosers,
m*therf*cker.
We already asking
for b*tches, all right?
We have white hostages.
We have the strategic
leverage to get white b*tches.
Man, y'all being
too picky, man.
A bitch is a bitch.
Man, look, look,
why can't y'all
just shut the f*ck up
and be happy
with whatever bitch
we get up in here?
I guess you never heard
the phrase "Yes, we can."
It's my God-given right
as an inmate
to have a white bitch.
That's not a God-given right
for an inmate.
Or anyone else, really.
Oh. Well, I may not have
a God-given right
to white b*tches.
But I do have a God-given right
to ask for white b*tches.
Hey, man, the n*gga
do have a point.
Hey, he's right.
Motion to add "white b*tches"
to the official list
of demands.
Everyone in favor?
Motion passes.
Please add
"white b*tches" to the official
list of demands.
Okay, next motion.
[ALARM WAILING]
[POLICE RADIO CHATTERING]
[TOM PANTING]
[DOOR OPENS]
CONVICT:
I'm telling you
they getting b*tches in here.
As soon as they get
the b*tches in here
I'll stop tapping your ass.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[WHIMPERING]
Okay, so the list
so far is: "b*tches.
"White b*tches, Asian b*tches,
"Brazilian b*tches,
"East Indian b*tches,
West Indian b*tches...
[WHISPERING]
Ruckus! Come on!
"Broadband internet p*rn,
K-Y Jelly, Condoms,
Viagra, People magazine,
and Alaskan b*tches."
Isn't there anything else
you guys want?
You may never get
this chance again.
Anything else?
I thought that's what
the magazine was for.
No. I'm gonna knock
that down too.
What about an end
to the outsourcing
of prison labor
to private companies?
I like that.
Yeah, yeah. That's not bad.
What if we keep doing the work
but they pay us
in white b*tches?
CONVICT :
Yo, that's crazy.
Man, white b*tches.
CONVICT : I'd work my ass off.
[***]
[WHISPERING] Come on.
RUCKUS:
Follow him,
white children.
n*gg*s know they way
through prison.
Best, you know what? I'd love
to be paid in white b*tches.
[CONVICTS CHATTERING]
[***]
Hey, yo, n*gga!
Where the hostages?
Thank God.
Is everyone all right?
There's a service exit
not far from here.
Aw, my precious
little white children.
I told you, y'all would be safe
with your Uncle Ruckus.
Ruckus, where's Huey and Riley?
Where they belong,
with the convicts.
You left Huey and Riley?
Course I did.
[***]
You guys go ahead.
I've gotta go back.
Tom! Tom, are you crazy?
Tom! Stay away
from that tossed-salad guy!
You got peanut allergies!
CONVICT :
You! I'm talking to you!
[WHIMPERING]
[PANTING] The booty is mine.
It belongs to me.
[MUTTERING]
[SCREAMS]
MAN:
* Tom, come out to play *
Ow!
So you wanna do it
the hard way, huh?
I got it for you hard.
Ugh!
Don't drop the soap, Tom!
[TOM GRUNTING]
I want that booty, Tom.
You can't have my booty.
Oh, yeah, I can.
The booty is mine,
it belongs to me,
you cannot take my booty.
The booty is mine,
it belongs to me,
you cannot take my booty.
[SCREAMING]
[GRUNTS]
[***]
[SCREAMS]
[GRUNTING]
[GROANS]
Mm-hm.
[***]
Mm-hm, come on, Tom.
[YELLS]
[GRUNTS]
[GROANS]
[GASPS]
[SCREAMING]
You can't have it!
Ah, man!
Yo! Them n*gg*s left without us.
Ain't that a bitch.
Whose job was it to watch
the m*therf*cking hostages?
You forgot to assign
it to someone,
Mr. Chief m*therf*cking
Executive.
Did y'all know about this?
If we did, do you think
we'd still be here?
What are we gonna do
with demands and no hostages?
We got them.
Man, we won't get
any strategic leverage
with them two.
I motion we end the riot,
disband the Executive
Riot Committee,
and surrender to authorities.
Okay. All in favor
of ending the riot.
Motion passes.
CONVICT :
Wait a minute,
let me get this right.
Do the, uh,
jelly go inside your ass?
You know, I spend
a lot of time, you know,
thinking about all the sh*t
I could've done.
I mean, I wake up
in the morning and I think,
I could've been
the m*therf*cking president.
sh*t.
n*gga, I wish
things had've been different.
I mean, I'd do anything
in the m*therf*cking world
just for things
to be different.
I guess I'm just gonna be
raping n*gg*s' asses
for the rest
of my m*therf*cking life.
[PRISONERS SHOUTING]
[SCREAMING]
Boys! Boys, are you okay?
Yeah. Are you okay?
Yes. Heh. I'm okay.
For the first time
in a long time, I'm okay.
Of course you okay. You ran.
How a chaperone
gonna run, Mr. DuBois? Huh?
"Leave the kids, save yourself?"
Is that what chaperoning
mean to you?
Pfft. I can't believe
this is supposed to scare me.
A prison full
of bitch-ass n*gg*s.
The convicts is bitch-ass
n*gg*s. All they did was vote.
The COs was bitch-ass n*gg*s,
'cause they just fell over.
And, Tom, you's a bitch-ass
n*gga too.
Because all you did was run.
They wouldn't know what to do
with a real n*gga like me
up in here.
Lucky for them I'm a little kid
so they can't put me
in a real jail.
They gotta put me
in a jail for, like,
real n*gga little kids.
[***]
03x08 - Pause
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Adventures of two boys, Riley and Huey Freeman, who undergo a culture clash when they move from Chicago to the suburbs to live with their grandfather.
Adventures of two boys, Riley and Huey Freeman, who undergo a culture clash when they move from Chicago to the suburbs to live with their grandfather.