04x02 - Good Times

[bunniefuu]

♪ I am the stone that
the builder refused

♪ I am the visual

♪ The inspiration that
made lady sing the blues

♪ I'm the spark that
makes your idea bright

♪ The same spark
that lights the dark

♪ So that you can know
your left from your right

♪ I am the ballot in your
box, the b*llet in the g*n

♪ The inner glow that lets you
know to call your brother son

♪ The story that just begun

♪ The promise of what's to come

♪ And I'ma remain a soldier
till the w*r is won

♪ Chop, chop, chop

♪ Judo flip

♪ Chop, chop, chop

♪ Judo flip

♪ Chop, chop, chop

♪ Judo flip

♪ Chop, chop, chop ♪

This is Woodcrest.

An affluent, quiet,
tree-lined suburb.

Here is where Robert
Jebediah Freeman,

w*r hero and civil-rights legend,

decided to spend his final days.

But things didn't quite
work out as planned.

Boys!

We're right here, Granddad.

Important family announcement.

We are leaving Woodcrest forever.

Our lives have been a complete

disaster since we moved here.

True that. True that. Now,
that's true, Granddad.

We were supposed to have
safe, boring lives.

I was supposed to find some
hot, financially desperate

or sexually frustrated
mama and settle down.

But nothing worked out as planned.

It's just been one ridiculous,

stupid, bizarre episode
after another,

and it's all my fault
for movin' us here.

I'm taking responsibility.

Well, I say it's about time!

I been sayin' this place
sucks since we showed up.

Well, I have learned my lesson.

We're leaving.

Wait a minute, Granddad.
What's goin' on?

Whatever do you mean, grandson?

I mean, you never
take responsibility

or learn a lesson... Ever.

Uh...

We're broke, aren't we, Granddad?

Ehhh...

Granddad broke? Psh.

Huey, you crazy, boy.

Everybody know Granddad
got lots of paper.

Tell him, Granddad.

I'm sorry, boys.

Aw, no, Granddad.

You didn't!

Granddad, calm down.

How bad is it? We have no money?

Worse. Worse?

What's worse than no money?
We're in debt.

Mmm-hmm.

How much? A couple... A couple...

Thousand? Mmm-mmm.

Hundred thousand?

Million!

I refinanced with that damn
adjustable-rate mortgage!

The dancing lady in that
pop-up ad looked so friendly!

How could I know it
would sh**t up to %?

Aw, Granddad!

Thanks for killin' our future.

I'm sorry.

I'm so... So... So...

It's gonna be real embarrassing

being the only homeless
kid at school, Granddad.

Whoa.

Damn, damn, damn!

♪ Good times

♪ Any time you meet a payment

♪ Good times

♪ Any time you need a friend

♪ Good times

♪ Any time you're out from under

♪ Not gettin' hassled,
not gettin' hustled

♪ Keepin' your head above water

♪ Makin' a way when you can

♪ Temporary lay-offs

♪ Good times

♪ Easy credit rip-offs

♪ Good times

♪ Scratchin' and surviving

♪ Good times

♪ Hanging in a chow line

♪ Good times

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em?

♪ Good times ♪

God damn it, boy!

You really need all
that damn orange juice?

From now on, that's all
the orange juice you get.

Come on, Granddad. I'ma still
be thirsty after that.

Then drink water. Listen up.

There gonna be some
changes around here.

There he is! Mr.
Freeman, look over here!

Mornin', n*gga.

It's worth mentioning that
Uncle Ruckus is runnin' for mayor.

Why? A couple of years ago...

A new face in the
Republican campaign race...

From seemingly out of nowhere, a Mr.
Uncle Ruckus.

Financed by billionaire banking
tycoons and Mr. Burns knock-off,

Ed Wuncler and his
economy-crushing son, Eddie Jr.

This Mr. Ruckus is not...

I repeat, not... An
African-American,

but, rather, a Caucasian
man suffering from

a rare skin condition
called "Revitiligo."

Liberals are, of course,
ridiculing this man's disease,

which, I can assure you,
is completely real...

Unlike r*pe.

Yes, that's right.

Uncle Ruckus ran for president
and basically almost won.

His standout moment...

was during the first
Republican primary debate.

Uncle Ruckus, give us your strongest
critique of President Obama.

One minute... I don't
need a minute!

He's a black sumbitch from
the sweaty jungles of Kenya.

I yield the rest of my time.

He's got my vote.

Once national
news, now public access,

Ruckus continues his service
to the American people.

You see, fellow white Americans,

this is why I am
runnin' for mayor.

Now, bein' black is bad...

Ain't no question about that.

And being poor is bad, but this
n*gga has the nerve to be both!

Pay your bills, deadbeat n*gga.

Ruckus, I don't have time for this.
What are you doin' here?

Question is, Robert,

what are you doin' here?

Here in the white man's house
that you cannot afford?

Oh, what, what?

You thought you could pay your
mortgage with food stamps, n*gga?

Look, you fat, one-eyed bastard!

I don't need this today!

This is the thanks I get?

I was on my way to
tape Jimmy Kimmel,

and I thought I would stop by and
see how y'all n*gg*s was doin'.

Hey, how that black-president
thing work out for you?

Ruckus, enough!

How do you know about my
house payments, anyway?

You come by to rub it in?

No, sir, I did not.

I came by to tell you I quit!

Now that I'm an official
Woodcrest mayoral candidate,

I will no longer work
for y'all n*gg*s...

Mexicans or swarthy Persians.

Fine. b*at it.

Mr. Ruckus, are you all right?
Get off me, Robert!

Get your n*gga hands off me!

Oh, what a surprise...

The n*gga is resorting
to v*olence.

It'll be okay.

Ed Wuncler and I are
old buddies now.

He'll find a way to
make it work, right?

I mean, last week was the
first payment I missed,

so I figure that I
have about, uh...

I hope that's that show that
builds houses for poor people.

Robert motherfuckin' Freeman.

It's me, Ed Wuncler Jr.

Oh! Huh?

Yeah, we never met, but my
father talks about you so much,

I feel like I know you.

Dad turned over the
property management to me.

Whoa. You're Ed the Third's dad?

Well, uh... It's a pleasure to
meet you, Mr. Wuncler the Second.

Call me Eddie. Can I come in?

Oh, my goodness! Look at this.
What a lovely home.

The couch is... Uh,
beautiful, with the...

the carpet.

Oh, I, I'm sorry. This is
my assistant, Vanderbilt.

You do have a lovely home.

I used to have a lovely home.

Let's see what we have...

Mmm-hmm? Hmm.

So, look. I don't want
to waste your time.

You know why I'm here.

We're not exactly where I
need to be with the house.

Yeah, about that...

Look, I'm just here to
get you the f*ck out.

Oh, you shoulda seen your face.

Robert, it's me.

It's your nephew, Eddie.

I'd never kick you out of here.

Pocket change.

Don't need that.

Hey, you check for
hollowed-out spaces, eh?

You remember those f*ckin' nuns

was tryin' to hide the
thorny crown in the wall?

f*ckin' sisters right there.

Hey, man, why you
stealin' our stuff?

Shut up. It's his stuff.

No, no, no, this is asset
re-management here.

Please, Mr. Eddie, help yourself.
It's your house.

It's your living room.

It's your, uh...

Dead grandmother's ashes!

Okay, so, look.

I added up your title insurance

and your homeowner's policy,

and the new rate on your
sub-prime, non-prime,

under-prime mortgage
is $,..

You think you can get that to
me in, let's say, um, a month?

A month?

I can't come up with that
kind of money in a month!

Well, not if you keep puttin' all that
negative energy into the universe.

You got to think positive.

Say, "I will get Eddie's
money in a month." Say it!

Watch. You'll feel better.

I will get Eddie's
money in a month.

Agreed! Wait! No!

Got to run. It's all gonna be okay.
I'll see you later.

Chop, chop, Vanderbilt!

Nothing is going to be okay.

Listen to me. Fake your deaths.

Do you hear me? Fake...
Your... Deaths.

Huh?

Robert motherfuckin' Freeman!

My n*gg*r.

Can I say that? Yes, I can.

Mr. Wuncler. Uh...

Sorry to interrupt you on a
Sunday morning at : am.

I was just wondering if
you, um, had that money.

Well, um...

Mon... Money... W-w-we, uh...

You got my money, right?

Please, please, please tell me

you have my money, Robert, please!

Well... You see... Eddie?

Please!

Yes, well, I'm workin' on it,

but I don't have the
money right now.

You don't have my money.

Well, I don't have all of it.

How much you have?

Riley! Bring the
suitcase with the money!

You're f*ckin' with me, right?

Seriously, where's my money?

You don't have my money?
I can't believe this!

g*dd*mn!

A'ight. Eddie. Think.

Wait! I got it! What?

The house.

We can make money off the house...
Together.

We rent out each of the
rooms as a separate unit...

Two bedrooms, guest room, living
room and kitchen, attic...

How much is that, Vanderbilt?

More than you're getting now, sir.
What do you think?

What do we think about...

having people move in here?

Genius, right?

Whoa. Wait.

Yeah, man, slow down.

I'm tellin' ya, it'll be great.

You guys will love it.

It'll be like a commune.

Huey, you'll have plenty of people

to talk to and share all
your political ideas.

It'll be like Occupy,
but right here at home.

"Occupy my living room."

Where do we live? The garage!

It's damn near like a
whole other house.

I'm tellin' you, y'all
could HGTV that sh*t up.

Make this sh*t fly.

It's never too late to
fake your own death.

Can I help you, m*therf*cker? Hey!

Can I help you, m*therf*cker?

Yes, uh, I'm the
owner of the house.

You ain't the owner of the house.

Eddie Wuncler's the owner of
this house, m*therf*cker.

Yes, well, I'm Robert
Freeman, civil rights...

I know who you are, m*therf*cker!

I know exactly who you are.

What the f*ck do you want?

I was hoping to use the bathroom.

There's a bathroom
downstairs, m*therf*cker!

Yes, but I would prefer to...

I prefer you get the f*ck
out of my face, n*gga!

Are we about to have
a n*gga moment?

No, please.

I don't wanna have a n*gga moment.

I just have to go to the bathroom.

That's it!

He rented my bathroom!

Oh, that's the whole house.

A man can't truly
call himself a man

once a stranger's ass cheeks
have been on his private toilet!

This all your fault, Granddad.

You really turned our
life into Good Times.

Our life is not Good Times.

We still live in a
nice neighborhood.

Yeah, for now. You might
have to get a job, Granddad.

Why do I have to get a job?

Why can't y'all get jobs?

Child labor laws, unsafe
workplaces, really small hands.

That's garbage! Your generation
is just lazy, that's all.

Plus, who's even hiring now?

Aw, come on.

I thought you gave up
work to run for mayor.

I didn't give up work.

I gave up working for n*gg*s...

and other colors, like
Mexicans and sand people.

Now you better grab some suds

and start waxing hoods.

Wax on, wax off, n*gga!

Damn!

What's this thing, electric?

Come on, man!
Less sweat, more scrub!

Look, Lou Gossett Jr.
Is washing my car.

Stop trying to
hide inside my trunk.

I don't know why
they fired the sand people.

Oh, look at that.

Feel that, n*gga? Feel that?

That feelin' is called "work."

That's what white folks been
doin' they whole lives.

Shut up, Ruckus.
When do I get paid?

I don't know, n*gga. You fired.

Fired? Why?

It wasn't me. The car-wash
brass is cuttin' back hours.

Tough luck, n*gga. We'll
call you when we need you.

I got laid off at
the car wash today.

Aw, man. What'd you do now?

Nothing! It was a
temporary lay-off.

♪ Good times ♪ Huh?

Huh? What the...

Uncle Ruckus is back on the scene, ruffling
small-town feathers with bold ideas.

Barack Hussein Obama
thinks black people

made this country great.

Now, wait a minute, wait
a minute, wait a minute.

He almost right.

The white half of him right,

because the white businessman,

that white entrepreneur
who had the sense

to look at our big,
black, African n*gro man

put that n*gga in chains,

dragged his black ass
all the way over here

to America to do some
productive work.

Now, that's what's
made America great!

Thank you, fans. Thank you.

That, my friends, is how come
we are losin' to the Chinese...

Because the Chinaman uses
sl*ve labor, and we don't.

Apple Computers don't need to be
usin' no Chinese sl*ve labor.

They should be usin'
good old-fashioned

blacky American sl*ve labor!

That's right.

Came in the mail today.

A Gangstalicious card.

It's our key to
financial independence.

You got the Gangstalicious
card, Granddad?

That's right. The one
on the commercial...

"Gangstalicious card.
Get cash back."

"You ain't got to
sling that cr*ck!"

"What?"

I got all of 'em...

The Kardashian card,
Lil Wayne card...

You see, boys? The key
to smart finance is...

Did you read the fine print?

Uh...

$, in fees? What the f*ck?

God damn it, Lil Wayne!

From now on, nobody listen to Lil Wayne
or Gangstalicious in this house.

You mean "garage." Whatever.

Look at this place.

Yeah, it's so cozy,
a-and I love...

how you arranged the beds. It's
a very economical use of space.

I dig it.

Say, do you mind
if we store, uh...

Something here for
just a couple of days?

Sure. Anything.

So, we just came by
because the good news is,

we've rented all the
rooms in your house.

Bad news is, we're still not
really makin' a dent in your debt.

I'll just put this in
that nice, cool corner.

Uh...

Sure. Yeah.

So, y'all had any
luck with the money?

Maybe million, at least?
Something?

Eddie, I'm sorry. We
just don't have it.

I'm on a fixed income.

Think, Eddie, think.

Vanderbilt? Find me a way
to get Robert that money.

It's impossible, sir.
Their credit is...

Piss-poor, sir.

No! This man is a customer.

He is a dear family friend.

He is a w*r hero... A
civil-rights legend!

We must find a way to help him!

Well, there is one way.

Huh?

At Wuncler Banking, we do believe in
offering quality banking services

to those with damaged credit.

A loan! Yes! I'll take it!

Done!

Congratulations!

I believe in you, Robert.

I believe in the Freeman family!

Freeman family! Freeman family!

You're more stupid than I thought.

That went well.

Did you check the interest rate?

% interest!

What's that mean? Y'all
know I don't do math.

It means now I'm another
million in debt.

It was a rip-off, an
easy-credit rip-off!

♪ Good times ♪

Huh?

What is that?

Well, at least we're not
sangin' in a hurry!

Those aren't the lyrics, Granddad.

What is it, "Drink a
lot of Jew wine"?

No. "Bangin' with a giant?"

It's "Hangin' in the
Chow line," Granddad.

♪ Good times ♪

Well, boys, this is it...

Moving day.

So, so unfortunate

this is our male role model.

No, you listen to
me, you broke, bald m*therf*cker.

I don't give a f*ck
about your chemo.

You hear me? I don't give
a f*ck about your chemo!

You get me my money or your f*ckin' dead!
You're f*ckin' dead!

You're f*ckin' dead!

Okay. See ya.

Ow, ow, ow!

Whoops. Sorry, I was just
cuttin' some, uh, meat earlier.

I can't believe it.

This place, this neighborhood,

won't be the same
without you guys.

Isn't there anyone who
can help this man?

Yes, sir, Mr. Kindly
Billionaire White man.

Uncle Ruckus can help you
with that broke n*gga.

Look, it's former
presidential candidate

and the next mayor of
Woodcrest, Uncle Ruckus!

You get in there and you do the
f*ckin' thing I'm talkin' about.

Yeah, the only thing
they understand.

sl*very?

I don't think about
it as "sl*very."

I think about it as
investing in people.

I invest in you, you help me.

Help you do what?

Yeah, what we got to do in return?

It better not be nothin' gay.

No.

It just means you get to
live in % of the house

% of the time,
and, in exchange...

You own us.

No, I just own % of your
time until the debt is paid.

That's fair, right? No!

Sure, it is.

For example, let's say
I come by unannounced,

in the middle of the night,

and I need you to lend a hand...

I don't know, washing
my spaceship,

or, say, digging a six-foot
hole in the ground.

You guys will help me, because
that's what it's about...

People helping people.

Simple.

I'll take it! Granddad!

You heard me. I'm takin' the deal.
I want my house back.

It's sl*very! It's
literally sl*very!

Oh, we're too good to be slaves?

Your ancestors were slaves.

What they say on the
internet is true...

You've forgotten where
you came from, Huey.

Granddad, you can't sell
yourself into sl*very.

Who cares if he owns me?

How many years do I
have left, anyway?

I've been free my whole life,

and what has it gotten me?

$ million in debt.

I'm tired of livin' in that garage
with you two smelly n*gg*s.

We gonna be broke, might
as well get my house back.

I'll sign it.

This is a proud day...

The day we bring sl*very
back to America.

Finally, worthless
n*gg*s like these

now have real value
to this country,

thanks to the brilliance
and generosity

of the white man and his
well-run financial institution.

I just want to thank Uncle
Ruckus for his leadership.

And, of course, to Robert Freeman

for having the courage
to sign his life away.

I almost forgot...

I won the bet.

Uh... What bet?

Oh, we made a bet that I
couldn't get you guys

to sign yourselves into sl*very.

He didn't think I could
do it and I won.

And I lost. Here you go, boss.

One dollar.

Thank you, Vanderbilt.

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

Why? Why? Why!

No!

♪ Good times ♪