06x07 - Rascals

[bunniefuu]

Captain's log, stardate 46235.7.

Ensign Ro, Keiko O'Brien, Guinan
and I are returning to the Enterprise

after a fascinating visit
to the planet Marlonia.

And these pieces I found
on the tertiary level of the dig.

They're typical of 2nd-century
Marlonian cookware.

Look at those markings,
very similar to early Taguan designs,

but the patterns are more intricate,
they're much closer to Buranian.

You were on the most beautiful planet
in the quadrant,

and you spent your entire shore leave
in a cave?

It was a very rewarding experience.

Look at these fragments.

They're nearly in perfect condition
and yet they're 700 years old.

So's my father.

Is that a Draebidium froctus?

Actually, it's Draebidium calimus.
You can tell by the leaves.

I didn't know you were interested
in plant biology.

I... took a class at the Academy.
I don't remember very much though.

- (Worf) Enterprise to the Fermi.
- This is the Fermi. Go ahead.

We've received a distress signal
from the science team on Ligos VII.

Can you identify the problem?

No. The call was cut off
in mid-transmission.

Lay in a course and engage at
warp eight as soon as we're on board.

Aye, sir.

Rendezvous with the ship
in three minutes, sir.

- We're caught in an energy field.
- Hard about, full-impulse.

Aye, sir.

What's happening?

The shuttle is in an energy field.
Engines and life support have failed.

Full-impulse.
Bridge to transporter room three.

Beam the shuttle crew back
once we're in range.

Ready, sir.

I can't contact the Enterprise.
Too much interference.

Transfer power to inertial dampers.

Warning. Structural failure imminent.

- Have you got them?
- I'm trying.

I can't get a pattern lock.

The shuttle is coming apart!
Do it now!

I've got them.

There's a 40-percent drop in mass.
I may have lost one of them.

Thank you, Mr O'Brien.
Another moment and...

Space, the final frontier.

These are the voyages
of the Starship Enterprise.

Its continuing mission,
to explore strange new worlds...

...to seek out new life
and new civilisations...

...to boldly go
where no one has gone before.

According to the bioscans,

their DNA structure
is consistent with preadolescence.

But, as far as we can tell,
only their bodies were changed.

Their intelligence
and their behavioral responses

are the same as they were
before the accident.

What happened to the shuttle?

It broke up after we beamed you out.

Mr Data is coordinating
the salvage efforts now. Sir.

What about the energy field?

We're scanning it,
but there's interference.

- It'll take time.
- We can't afford to stay here.

We'll leave a probe behind
to study it,

but the distress signal
from Ligos VII has top priority.

Let me know when you
have any more information.

Number One, you're with me.

Captain, I need to run
some additional tests.

Of course. The three of you remain
as needed to assist Dr Crusher.

(sighs)

- What?
- You make a pretty cute kid.

Great. Just what I want to be, cute.

Were you this much fun
when you were a kid?

I was in a refugee camp.
"Fun" wasn't in my vocabulary.

What about now?
You're not in that camp any more.

Fun is being back at work,
in my own uniform.

Bridge.

Mr Worf, prepare to launch a probe
to study the energy field.

I realize how unusual this must seem.
My appearance is a result

of an accident involving myself
and three other crew.

The effects of which
Dr Crusher is working to remedy.

I assure you, I am Capt Picard.

The probe. Aye, sir.

Mr Data, have you secured
all of the shuttle debris?

Almost. It is being stored
in shuttlebay two. Sir.

Very well.

As soon as Mr Data is finished,
take us to Ligos at warp eight.

Captain, may I see you privately
for a few moments?

Of course.

Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.

Have you determined the cause
of our transformation?

Not yet.
I'm still waiting for some results.

I see.

There are 1 03 members
of the science team on Ligos VII.

We should prepare shuttlebay three
in case they have many casualties.

We'll be ready.

I see Ligos VII is prone
to periodic volcanic activity.

Perhaps it's entered an active phase.

Jean-Luc.

- We need to talk.
- Alright, let's talk.

- Are you here to relieve me of duty?
- (sighs)

I'd rather not
have to take that step.

I am still Jean-Luc Picard.

My judgment, my experiences,
my mental capacities are all intact.

That's true. For now.

But this could be the first stage of
a condition that affects your mind.

- But you see no evidence of that.
- Not yet.

What I do know
is that the Captain of this ship

has undergone
an extreme physical transformation,

the ultimate effects of which
I can't even begin to guess.

You are asking me to step down.

You are still Jean-Luc Picard.
What do you think you should do?

(sighs)

Cmdr Riker, take command of the ship
until further notice.

Understood.

So what the hell
am I supposed to do now?

You're not supposed to do anything.
That's what "relieved of duty" means.

I should be doing something
instead of just waiting for a cure.

- You're right. Let's go play.
- What?

I haven't been young for a long time,

and I intend to enjoy
every minute of it.

Fine. Enjoy yourself.

What are you gonna do?
Go back to your room and pout?

I am not 12 years old.

If I want to go to my quarters
and contemplate my situation,

that does not mean
that I am pouting.

OK, OK.

I could use a... cup of coffee.
How about you?

I'll get it.

Two coffees, one with cream
and sugar, the other...

- Black, double sweet.
- I know. One double sweet.

- Careful. That's hot.
- Miles.

Sorry.

(sighs)

What's wrong?

It's... I don't know,
but this feels wrong somehow.

Miles Edward O'Brien,
I am still your wife.

- Technically, yes.
- Technically?

I mean, of course you're my wife.
But you're also ten years old.

Beverly said
it's actually closer to 1 2.

- That's not the point.
- So what is the point?

- Is our marriage over?
- I didn't say that.

But until they find a way
to reverse this... this effect,

it's hard to ignore the fact
that you're a little girl.

What if they can't find a way?

What if I'm like this
for the rest of my life?

What does that mean for us?

- For our family?
- (Molly) Mommy.

Mommy.

- What's wrong, sweetheart?
- I want Mommy to read me a story.

Alright. What story
would you like to hear?

Not you. I want Mommy.

What if Daddy reads you a story?
Will that be OK?

I'll be right back.

Keiko.

It's gonna be alright.

I promise.

We'll work this out.

How?

I don't know.

First Officer's log, supplemental.

We have reached the Ligos system.

We have begun to search
for the missing science team.

Dr Crusher reports no progress
on a cure for the shuttle crew.

- (door beeps)
- Come.

I came to see how you're doing.

I'll have to speak to my tailor,
but otherwise I'm well. Thank you.

It's just so ridiculous.

I can't take myself seriously
like this.

Counselor, if Dr Crusher can't find
a cure, if I have to stay this way,

nobody's gonna take me seriously,
are they?

I would say the people that
know you and have worked with you

will be able to make
the adjustment eventually.

But some will find it difficult
to accept a 12-year-old captain.

I'll have to wait until I grow up
again before I get another command.

Which might be in ten,
maybe 15 years.

- What to do until then?
- You're still a Starfleet captain.

There are other assignments
you could be given.

I've spent 30 years on starships.
I won't sit behind a desk now.

You could return to the Academy.
Brush up on your Latin.

And be Wesley Crusher's roommate?

I admit returning to the Academy
does have a certain appeal.

But I've spent my life
looking forward.

Going to the Academy again
feels like looking back.

Then perhaps you could spend
the time exploring other interests.

- Archaeology, for instance.
- Leave Starfleet?

Not permanently, just a sabbatical.

You could spend a few years
digging up artefacts

and still become the youngest admiral
in Starfleet history.

It would give me a chance
to take up Dr Langford's offer

and accompany her to the ruins
on Suvin IV.

But to leave the Enterprise...

In a way, you're very lucky.

You might have a chance to do
what most people only dream about.

Have a second childhood
without the pain of growing up again.

This is Capt Picard's
rybo-viroxic-nucleic structure

from a tissue sample
I took this morning.

It's the same as a sample
I took before the accident,

except it's missing several
of the key viroxic sequences.

It's been a long time
since I took genetics, Doctor.

RVN is one of the key factors
in our development during puberty.

Unlike DNA, which never changes,

RVN takes on additional sequences
during adolescence.

Those sequences
determine how we develop physically.

- Without them we wouldn't mature?
- Exactly.

Somehow, they were eliminated
in the shuttle crew during transport.

So what do we do?

Well, we have a couple of options.

These are the plants
Keiko was carrying.

Whatever turned the crew into
children turned these into seedlings.

I accelerated the growth
on one of them,

and it developed
into a perfectly normal adult plant.

- That wouldn't work with people?
- No.

But at least we know
that if we do nothing,

they will probably grow up
just as they did before.

- That's one option.
- (sighs)

However, I do have the adult
RVN patterns of all four of them.

I might be able to send them back
through the transporter

and replace the missing sequences.

But we can't do that until we know
why this happened in the first place.

If somehow they were to lose
more viroxic sequences...

They would get even younger.

Chief, I got the sensor report
on the shuttle break-up.

It looks like it began
near the starboard bulkhead.

There's some bulkhead fragments
over here.

Hmm.

My visor's picking up some torsional
stress damage, some micro-fractures.

Hang on a second.

- What's this?
- Looks like tritanium from the hull.

Yeah, but look.

That's not tritanium any more.

The molecular structure
has been changed,

broken down
into its constituent elements.

- No wonder the bulkhead shattered.
- Yeah.

I'll take a sample to Engineering
and run a metallurgical analysis.

(sighs)

Well, this is exciting.

Would you rather
be playing with dolls?

I'd rather be doing almost anything
other than watching you sulk.

This isn't some kind of
glorious second childhood, Guinan.

Our bodies have been violated,
changed.

- Doesn't that bother you?
- Sure it bothers me.

But, at the moment,
I can't do anything about it.

- So I might as well enjoy it.
- Enjoy what?

You think being short and awkward
is some kind of wonderful gift?

There must have been some part
of childhood that you didn't loathe.

Look, it was a long,
depressing period of my life,

and I was grateful
when it was finally over.

I'd rather not relive it.

I bet you were a jumper.

A jumper. Someone who jumps up
and down on furniture all the time.

- What?
- You were a jumper, alright.

The quiet ones,
they always look so innocent.

You think you can turn your back
on them.

Next thing you know... Bam!
They're bouncing on the bed.

That is the most ridiculous thing
I've ever heard.

Most of the time, I had no bed.

But you did have one sometimes,
and I bet you jumped on it.

- I most certainly did not.
- Yeah, I can see it in your eyes.

You can barely resist the urge

to leap up and start jumping around
like a Tarkassian razorbeast.

- Guinan.
- Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

- This is ridiculous.
- That's right.

And don't you dare join me, Ro Laren.

You don't like jumping on beds.

Oh, yeah? I can jump higher.

(both laugh)

We think a molecular-reversion field
caused the ship to deteriorate.

When the field penetrated the hull,
it affected the crew.

When I tried to beam them off,
I couldn't get a lock.

The field was masking
part of the patterns.

The transporter only registered
part of the RVN patterns.

That explains the missing sequences.

With those sequences missing,

the transporter
reconstructed them as children.

Could the transporter
reverse the effects?

Maybe. As long as there's no
reversion field to mask the patterns,

we should be able to do it.

Chief, can you adjust the scanners...

- (Worf) Bridge to Cmdr Riker.
- Go ahead.

We are entering orbit
around Ligos VII.

On my way. We'll discuss this later.

(sighs)

Standard orbit, Ensign.

Any sign of the science team?

We've been scanning the area,
but our readings are being disrupted.

Cause?

Extreme fluctuations
in the electromagnetic field.

However, there is no evidence

of stellar or seismic activity
to cause the interference.

Any response to our hails, Mr Worf?

- No, sir. I've been attempting to...
- (beeping)

Commander,
two ships de-cloaking fore and aft.

Klingon birds-of-prey. B'rel-class.

- (alarm)
- (Riker) Maximum shields.

Take us out of orbit.
Mr Worf, prepare to return fire.

(alarm)

- Damage report.
- We have lost primary life support.

- Switching to secondary systems.
- Lock phasers on target.

- Phasers locked.
- Fire.

Minor damage to one ship.
Its shields are holding.

Starboard power coupling is down.
Warp engines are off line.

- Shields?
- Down to 13 percent.

Casualties reported
on deck 26 and 27.

Sensors and secondary generators
are off line.

Life support down to 67 percent.

Engineering, status report.

They took out auxiliary power
and emergency backup.

It'll take an hour
to get warp power back on line.

We have lost shields.
Heavy casualties on decks 35 to 40.

I am detecting transporter signatures
in three cargo bays.

We are being boarded.

Come with me.

Initiate intruder alert.
All Security teams report to...

Put down your weapons!

Computer,
deactivate command functions.

Authorization, Riker Omega three.

All command functions suspended.

This is Morta.
We have secured the bridge.

Begin transporting all able-bodied
adults to the surface.

Come on. Get up there. Come on.

They have locked out
the command functions.

- You said they would not have time.
- You led the as*ault team.

- You were too slow.
- You dare to blame me?

(door opens)

We have secured the ship, DaiMon,
but Morta's incompetence...

- My incompetence? You know...
- Enough!

Where is the captain of this ship?

I'm in command of this vessel.
Who are you?

- And on whose authority...?
- I am DaiMon Lurin.

And I declare this ship
to be a loss and open to claim

according
to the Ferengi salvage code.

You will cooperate
with our salvage operations,

or we will begin executing your crew.

- Is everyone alright?
- No injuries among the children.

The Ferengi have taken control
of Engineering and decks 23 to 37.

We have to assume
they have the bridge.

What have they done with the younger
children? With my little girl?

They're taking all the adults
down to the surface.

They've kept the children on board.
Where was she?

- In primary care on deck 1 4.
- She's probably still there.

I wouldn't worry.

We need to regain control
of the ship. Options?

Flood the ship with anesthezine gas.

That's been locked out
with the command functions.

If they're typical Ferengi,
they'll be pleased with themselves,

maybe even getting overconfident.

Agreed. They might think they don't
need many crew to hold the ship.

We could use surprise
to give us a tactical advantage.

Tactical advantage?

Jean-Luc,
look at your team for a minute.

We're children.

We can't allow our ship
to be commandeered.

I'm not suggesting that we do, but
we can't act as if we were adults.

What do you suggest we do?

We look like children,

maybe it's time
we started acting like children.

I hope your profit margin's
high for this,

because you're risking w*r
with the Federation.

We're not affiliated
with the Ferengi Alliance.

We are in business for ourselves.

Yes, it will be highly profitable.

For an investment of two surplus
Klingon ships,

a few repairs and some weapons,

we've netted a Federation
starship and her crew,

not to mention
a planet rich in vendarite.

So that's what this is all about.

What did you do
with the science team?

They've proved most helpful
in extracting the mineral.

You used them as sl*ve labourers.

The addition of your crew
will greatly speed up the process.

As for your ship...

...I'm sure that it will fetch

a handsome price
on the Romulan market.

But before that can happen,

we need to regain access
to your central computer.

You don't really think I'll help you?

I think that mines on Ligos VII
can be very hazardous.

Now, how many people on your ship?

1 01 4.

Very hazardous... Commander.

Hello. I'm the classroom computer.
What can I do for you today?

Computer,
display interior security grid.

I'm sorry, but I can't do that.

- Would you like to play a game?
- No, I would not.

Computer, display
an internal schematic diagram.

I'm sorry, but I can't do that.

Would you like to see
some interesting plants or animals?

It's a child's computer. Remember?

Computer, can you show me a picture
of the inside of the Enterprise?

Yes, I can. The Enterprise
is a Galaxy-class starship.

Do you know how to spell Enterprise?

- E-N-T-E-R...
- Delete audio.

Alright, this'll have to do.

We're here. There's a service conduit

that runs to here and leads
to a Jefferies tube here.

You and Ensign Ro will have to cross
this corridor to get to Engineering.

Captain.

Excellent. Ready?

Make it so.

- What the devil?
- I was just playing.

I'm sorry, Captain.

Alexander, would you mind
if I borrowed your toy for a while?

- Go ahead.
- Thank you.

After you.

I've got the phasers, Captain.

This is the first time these tubes
haven't seemed cramped.

How much farther do we have to go?

About 50 meters.
Don't tell me you're tired.

I'm not as young as I used to be.

(both laugh)

This is it. Main Engineering.

Now we wait.

- Report?
- Mission accomplished, sir.

- The one in sickbay never saw me.
- Very good.

I'd say we're ready. Have you
figured out how to get to the bridge?

I'm afraid
I can only think of one way.

- What do you want?
- I need to see my father.

- Go back inside.
- I need to see him now.

Do not argue with me.
Go back inside!

I need to see him now!

Now! Now! Now! Now!

Stop it! You've hurt me!
I want my father!

Alright. Just stop that!

- Let me go!
- Here he is!

- Now be quiet!
- What is going on?

Dad!

- So, son, how are you?
- I'm OK.

How are your friends,
Keiko, Guinan and Ro?

They're OK, too.

- But...
- What's wrong?

Well, we don't have anything to do.
None of the games are working.

The Ferengi made Daddy
turn off the main computer.

Can't you just turn on the kids'
computer in schoolroom eight?

We just want to play a few games.

I don't know if they'll let me,
but I will ask.

Thanks, Number One.

He's my number-one dad.

Here they come.

How did it go?

- Did Cmdr Riker get the message?
- He understood.

We should have access very soon.

- (door beeps)
- Come in.

I understand your son
was here to see you.

That's right.

We Ferengi do not bring our offspring
along with us aboard ship.

Then, that's your loss.

Our families
are one of our strengths.

I think you will find
that they can also be a weakness.

Unless you release the computer
to our control,

I will execute every child
on this ship, beginning with yours.

Even you wouldn't be that cruel.

It is cruel to put children in danger
by bringing them aboard a starship.

- (g*n cocks)
- Ah!

Alright.

Just so you don't harm my son.

You will release the computer and
show Morta exactly how to use it.

Ah!

Computer, release command control.
Authorization, Riker Omega three.

Command functions restored.

OK, Morta.

The system is controlled by
three primary main-processor cores

cross-linked
with a redundant melacortz ramistat,

14 kiloquad interface modules.

The core element
is based on an FTL nanoprocessor

with 25 bilateral kelilactirals,

with 20 of those being slaved into
the primary heisenfram terminal.

You do know
what a bilateral kelilactiral is?

Well, of course I do, human.
I am not stupid.

No, of course not.

This isopalavial interface
controls the main firomactal drive.

Don't touch that. You'll blow up
the entire firomactal drive.

What is...
Wait. What is a firomactal drive?

Just explain it to me.

That is the firomactal-drive unit.

It controls the ramistat core,

and keeps the ontarian manifold
at 40,000 KRGs.

The drive is powered by...

(beeping)

Command lockout has been released.

Accessing transporter.

Weapons-deactivation program
in place.

Transporter security force field
standing by. We're ready.

- Tag.
- You're it.

(sighs)

Yes?

I found this in the schoolroom.
Is it yours?

(hissing)

Huh?

That just leaves two on the bridge.

- Wait here until I return.
- Yes, sir.

The ramistat kiloquad capacity
is a function,

square root of the intermix ratio
times the sum of the plasma quotient.

Oh!

- (door beeps)
- Come in.

I believe you're in my chair.

Captain's log, stardate 46236.3.

We've taken Lurin and his men
into custody.

The Ferengi Alliance has denied
any knowledge of these renegades.

With the mining operation closed
and our crew on board,

we can now turn our attention
to other problems.

Phase inducers activated.

- Energy levels nominal.
- I'm loading the adult patterns.

Transposition matrix locked in.

That should do it, Captain.

Energize.

- How do you feel?
- I feel fine.

Everything... seems a little smaller.

It's my mother.

The funny thing is,

I never really drew a picture of her
when I was young.

It's just... for some reason,
I wanted to now.

That's the wonderful thing
about crayons,

they can take you to more places
than a starship.

- It's my turn, isn't it?
- Only if you're ready.

It's not quite as bad
as I remembered it.

Being a child, I mean.

Well... we'd better get going.

Well... what's the hurry?

I mean, the transporter
will still be there.

Why don't you pass me the royal blue?

- Here.
- Thank you.

- Did you do this one, too?
- Uh-huh. I did all of them.

All of them?