04x33 - The Roots

[bunniefuu]

♪

No way, man.

The crocodile
would definitely win.

It's like a torpedo
made out of dinosaur.

Yeah, but the bear
would lure the crocodile

into a false sense of security
with his cuteness,

then hug it till its head pops.

Guys, I don't think you fully
understand the concept of a zoo.

There won't be
any animal fights.

Oh, I never said
we were going to the zoo.

But you said
we were going to see

depressed,
out-of-shape creatures

walking around in circles.

Yeah, we're going to the mall.

Can we still check out
the pet store, though?

Okay, deal, but first, we have
to go to the cutthroat pit

where men tear
each other apart for a dime.

We're going to Wall Street?

The discount aisle.

Well, now we know, I guess.

Crocodile wins.

Uh, Mom?

I know, sweetie.

Don't think about it too much.

All right,
you strike a hard bargain,

but you've got yourself a deal.

Three pieces of bait
for a cr*cker.

cr*cker!
It can't understand you, sir.

It just repeats anything
it regularly overhears.

Oh, man.
Not that chubby pig guy again.

That... That could be anyone.

With his bucktooth
and his stupid clip-on tie.

That could still be
someone else.

The man I'm talking about

is
Richard "Butt-Ugly" Watterson.

I thought he was talking
about me for a second,

but my middle name
isn't "Butt-Ugly."

It's Buckley.

I feel sorry
for that other fella.

♪

Are you okay, sweetheart?

Oh, I'm fine, Mrs. Mom.

It's just...

I was looking at all these fish

swimming happily
in this large t*nk, and...

I've said too much.

Mm.

Let me know if he's coming.

Okay,
"How to grow a butt."

"What age
will I start laying fish eggs?"

Here.
"Better fish environment."

I knew it.
What are you looking at?

Darwin's browser history.

The... What?

Sorry. We had no idea
you were techie enough

to check out
Internet browser histories.

Please, go on.

I don't think
Darwin's happy here anymore.

He misses
his natural environment.

Wait. You mean...

we're gonna release him
back into the wild?!

I will destroy anyone
who tries to take my baby.

Okay, sorry, sorry.

It's just seemed like
the rational solution.

You want rational?
Yah! Yah! Yah!

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

It's not what I want
for him either.

Let's just try some
irrational solutions first.

I'm listening.

Well, if we can't take him
back to his world,

let's bring his world to him.

Why?

It's a special treat
for my favorite little guppy.

Come on, dig in.
Look.

Heh.
It's delicious.

Mmm.

We got some other stuff
if you don't like worms.

How about fishhooks?

Not hungry?
Mmm.

Mmm, mmm.

Mmm. Delicious!

I love the way salt water
stings my insides.

Aren't you hungry?

'Cause I also bought
plastic bags and some mercury.

"You guys" love that, right?

What do you mean, "you guys"?

Uh.

What's that?

The ejector seat.

Uh, let's move
straight to dessert.

Here. You can nibble
the dead skin off my foot.

I think I'm gonna
skip dinner tonight.

Thanks.
What?

That's what fish do.

I've seen it.

In the mall.

Hmm?

Right. According to this book,
"Connecting with Your Roots,"

step one is to provide the
appropriate amount of sunlight

for your loved one,

which means they shouldn't
be kept in your bedroom.

So that's why I threw
Darwin out last night.

I'm pretty sure
that book's about plants.

That makes sense, 'cause part
two is "Cover with Fertilizer."

Anyway, step three
is "Dress Appropriately."

So what kind of fishwear
have we got going on?

Mom, what's that?

Treasure chest.

What are you wearing?

Mermaid outfit.
Why do you ask?

Because it looks very wrong.
Mm, you're right.

Maybe we need to rethink this

and take a long, hard look at
ourselves in the mirror.

Nah, we're nailing this.

Okay!
I'm gonna take a walk!

Away from all this craziness.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Wait. Wait.

No.
Just no.

It's great we're going
for ice cream, Darwin,

but what's up with them?

Apparently, we now
swim as a school. Why?

All I got for an answer was...

Okay.

There you go...
a banana split to share.

Right.

See you later.

♪

Could you please stop that?

So you're not digging
the whole shoal thing?

No!

And I don't like the "suckerfish
cleaning my gills" thing either!

I'll be in my bowl.

Oh, it's not working.

He's even more unhappy
than he was before.

I don't think we can
ever act like real fish.

Yes, we can.
All we have to do

is forget everything
every three seconds.

All we have to do

is forget everything
every three seconds.

All we have to... Listen,
to make him feel included,

we need to keep talking to him,

but we just have to use
words he can understand.

"Ray," there, buddy.

What's going "prawn"?
What?

Minnow, you've been giving us
a lot of carp

about this whole fish thing,
and I "eel" you, no "trout."

I'm your "sole" brother
after all. Know what I "brine"?

We don't want you
to feel "orca-ward."

We're just trying to "kelp" you.

I have literally no idea what
any of you are talking about.

We just hate
to "sea" you like this.

Know what I'm "salmon"?

We "cod" do "batter"
if you let us "fry."

Here's some whale song
to make you "reel" at home.

Wow.
It's beautiful.

If only we could understand
what they're saying.

Majestic.

Look, can you
please just get out?

I've "haddock" up to here...
I mean, I've had it up to...

Ah, just get out!

♪

What can we do?

Well, I think we should
keep him away from the sea

and rivers and swimming pools
and just water altogether.

And other fish.
Also mirrors.

And fish-related things like
chips, lip surgery, and Japan.

And daylight in general

so he can't see anything else
I didn't think of.

We might as well lock him
inside a box

and bury him in the basement.

Yes! That's exactly
what we should do!

Dad!
Ugh.

Do you have any solutions

that won't break our hearts?

I'm afraid we're going
to have to be rational.

We have to release him back
into his natural habitat.

♪Hip, hip, hip, hooray♪

♪We're having
such a happy day♪

♪Hip, hip, hip-a-roo ♪

♪We hope
that you are happy, too♪

Why is everyone crying?
Nobody's crying.

♪Happy day♪

What are we doing here?
Can't we just go home?

Well, this is
your ho-ho-ho-home now.

It's okay, buddy.
We can still stay in touch.

Look, I got us
these walkie-talkies.

Let me help you move in.

Well, now you've got
the whole pond to yourself.

Guys, what's going on?
Seriously!

We will always love you.

You were always my favorite.

Uh, I'm right here, you know?

Just kidding.

We're doing it for you, son.

If it were up to me,

you'd be blindfolded
and locked up in a basement.

What?

You all saw him
at the pet store.

This is what he really wanted.

What do you think you're doing?!

This is a big turning point
in his life.

Hello?!

And he'll get used to it.

He just has to hold on.

It's a big leap for him

to go back
to his natural habitat.

But he gave us
a very clear sign.

Aah!

He'll just have
to hang on in there.

Hey, you!
Follow them!

Life isn't always
a straight path, you know,

and sometimes things
just come to a dead end.

Aha!
What is wrong with you?

Look, I know we're all upset,

but how about some ice cream
to cheer us all up, huh?

Aah! Come on!

Three sundaes, please,

and, Richard, honey,
what do you want?

Nuts.

You abandon me,
then go for ice cream?!

Somebody please tell me
what is going on!

Sorry, buddy,
but you were just so sad

when you were looking at
those fish in the pet store.

We tried to reconnect you
with your roots,

but we could see
it wasn't enough,

so we kind of
"White Fang'd" you.

What are you guys talking about?

You know...
the way you looked at the fish

and then back at us
with that sad face.

Oh, that.

I wasn't looking at the fish.

I was trying to guilt-trip you
into buying me the huge t*nk.

You were trying
to emotionally blackmail me

into buying you something?

Well, looks like somebody's
shown their true colors.

You really are...

A Watterson!

So, does this mean
I get a new t*nk?

Absolutely not.

Okay, well, if I work
even more night shifts

and stop eating dinner,

then maybe I could save us
enough money.

I suppose that's fair.

Of course, I never knew
my real parents

or what my life would have
been like in the ocean.

That's true.

We cruelly took you in,
clothed you,

fed you, looked after you.

I suppose
we still owe you so much.

You're too good.

No one can guilt-trip
like a mother.