01x25 & 01x30 - The Poltergeist/The Ape

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music playing]

[gasps]

Careful, numbskull!

These trophies are a symbol
of my excellence as a teacher.

It took me years to collect them all.

[mumbles]

What was that?

Hello! "Favorite teacher award"?

It's like the best one and stuff,
but you'll never win it.

Why not?

Because you need a letter of
recommendation from a student who, uh...

-actually likes you.
-That sounds easy enough.

Seriously, though, no one likes you,
Miss Simian-- not even me!

And I like everybody.

Nobody likes me?

Hmm?

Dude, I think something's wrong
with Miss Simian.

What makes you say that?

She hasn't told anyone off all day.

[all creating a ruckus]

That is weird.

-[alarm bell ringing]
-[people cheering]

Hey, guys! Wait up!

Gumball?

Yeah...

You and I are friends, right?

Are we?

Well, what with all the detentions
and everything,

I guess we spend a lot of time together.

Uh, I guess so.

-Anyway, gotta go.
-Just one more thing.

Would you mind if I hang out
with you just for a little while?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, I would.

Basically, she asked to be my friend.

Well, I told her "No," obviously.

But now she's just following me around.

And the strangest thing is,
she's completely unresponsive.

Watch. See? Nothing!

Hmm.

Try something hot.

Is she still there?

Yep.

Shoo-shoo. Shoo!

Huh.

Fetch!

[sighs] I hope things get better tomorrow.

[loud slurping]

What is she doing in my house?

I'm sorry.

I just thought that maybe we could share
a nice breakfast together,

but since you all hate me, I'll just go.

I'm walking.

It's so sad.

This is me... on my way.

I'm at the door.

This is kind of harsh.

I'm turning the doorknob.

I'm opening the door.

I don't know why, but I'm crying!

Boy, it sure looks lonely out there.

Mom, why do you hate Miss Simian so much?

I don't want to talk about it.

Please let her stay!

[Darwin crying]

OK. She can stay, but--

Oh, thank you!
You're such a kind and friendly family!

You know, I've never had friends before.

I don't even know what friends do.

Don't worry.

We'll show you.

Now, a very important part
of friendship is sharing.

Imagine you both have ice creams.

[Darwin and Simian] Oh.

But what's this?

Darwin has dropped his ice cream.

I said, "Darwin has dropped
his ice cream."

You got it on my shoes.

Do you want to share mine?

Ah. Very good.

Ice cream, Darwin?

Oh, thanks!

But, Gumball, you don't have an ice cream.

Want to share mine?

Sure.

Dude, this is so gross!

Why don't you pretend
you have your own ice cream?

Ugh. Why didn't I think of that?

Friends also high-five, like this.

[both] High-five!

OK, now--

No, I meant slap my--

Let's move on to the next lesson.

How about we all play a game,
like friends do?

Here's one we made up.

-It's called dodge or dare!
-Dodge or dare!

Roll the dice.

Take a card.

What'd you get?

"Put a gooey hair ball
in Miss Simian's lunch."

L-- let me take that. Pick another.

"When Miss Simian's back is turned--"

A-- actually, let me pick one for you.

"Cover Simian in slug juice,
drop water balloons on Simian,

Miss Simian, Miss Simian, Miss Simian--"

Forget the cards. Here's a dare.

Make the most annoying noise possible.

[bleats]

OK.

That was good,
but we know that you can do better.

Like when you're mad at us.

Oh, you mean this little thing?

Gumball!

[both] That... was... awesome!

High-five!

That still needs a little work.

I've got my eye on you, Simian.

[fart noise]

Do it again! Do it again!

I'm so pleased to finally have
such great friends!

[all] Aww, we love you, Miss Simian.

Sorry, kids.
Miss Simian, can I have a word

with you in private, please?

Yes, Nicole, how can I help you?

Listen, Simian,
you might have the rest of them fooled

but I don't trust you for a second.

I remember you from school.
I remember the horrible name you

used to call me every day.

Do you remember that?

-Yes, I do. And I'm sorry.
-What?

I was that horrid person for so long,
and look where it got me.

No friends, no family--
just bitterness and wrinkles.

But even an old ape can change.

Will you give me that chance?

Oh, I don't know.
It's all happening so fast.

Please?

OK, I'll-- I'll give it another sh*t.

What do we do now, best friends?

Uh, let's see. I know!

Best friends write letters to each other
about how great they are.

Wow! What a... friendly idea.

What shall we write?

Uh...

How about
"We, the aforementioned,

unanimously agree
that Miss Simian is worthy

of this year's favorite teacher award."

"Favorite teacher award." OK! Done it!

[laughs hysterically]

It's mine!

-[upbeat music playing]
-[scatting]

Look how happy she is.

That's the power of friendship.

Wow! You baked that cake for Miss Simian?

Yeah. I think she deserves
a second chance.

-Is Miss Simian around?
-Nah, dude.

[chuckles] She just drove off.

You should have seen her,
all dancing and laughing,

saying she finally got some losers

to write her
a favorite teacher nomination.

[all gasp]

What was the word she used?

[in slow-mo] "Losers."

Nice first steps, loser!

Nice cycling, loser!

Nice "poem," loser!

Nice hair, loser.

Nice husband, loser! [laughing]

Everyone, get back in the car.

Now?

[laughing]

Soon, the trophy will be mine.

We'll see about that,
you two-faced baboon!

There's nothing
you can do about it, loser!

Mom! What are you doing?

Something I should have done
a long time ago.

[tires screeching]

[thuds]

Kids, throw stuff at her!

But isn't that dangerous?

Not as dangerous
as disobeying your mother!

Sorry!

Open your mouth.

[g*nsh*t sounds]

I hope you like pepperoni!

[screaming]

That was close.

[gasps]

[screaming]

Cool!

Not cool!

I thought you were our friend,
Miss Simian.

[scoffs] Who needs friends
when you have this letter?

Uh... Huh.

There it is, Richard! Get it!

Do what?

I'll get closer,
and you lean in and grab it.

Seriously?

[window squeaking]

Little bit closer, honey!

Almost... there!

-Dad!
-Dad!

[grunts, whimpers]

Hold on!

[screams]

-Hi.
-Five!

Ow. Ow.

[horn blaring]

Got it! Haha!

[screams]

[pants]

[screams]

[expl*si*n]

Never... trick... my... family... again!

Mom, watch out!

[laughs, gasps]

[panting]

And that, kids,
is why you wear seat belts.

Where's Miss Simian?

[exclaims]

Miss Simian, no!

You could still be friends with us
if you like.

Nah.

[screams]

[crash]

Oh.

[Richard] What did I miss?

-Dad!
-Dad!

Oh, just Simian taking a little tumble.

Maybe that'll teach her
for "monkeying around."

We shouldn't laugh.
She may be seriously hurt.

Well, you shouldn't have
"gibbon" her a second chance.

No, really. That's enough.

Well, she shouldn't have
"orangu-tangled" with us.

I said that's enough.

That was so worth it.

[thunder rumbles]

[gasps]

[footsteps approaching]

Is that you, Tooth Fairy?

-[muffled] No.
-[screams]

-It's a ghost! It's a ghost! It's a gho--
-[sighs]

[babbling]

[snoring]

Mom! I need more!

But that's your fifth box.

Well, it's because, uh, I'm growing?

Well, could you try and grow slower?

This is costing me a fortune. Thanks.

Richard, what are you doing
in the cupboard?

Shh. I'm hiding from the ghost.
This house is haunted! [whimpers]

OK.

I'm closing the door now.

Thanks, Mom.

What are you doing?

Follow me and all will be revealed.

I have got something amazing to show you.

Wow! A sheet!

No, Darwin. Something even better.

-Mr. Robinson?
-Mr. Robinson?

Yep. I found him in the shed,
so I put him up here in the attic,

where I've provided him
with full en suite dining,

unlimited beverages, and a queen-size bed.

You do realize
what keeping a -year-old man

in these conditions is called?

Love?

Kidnapping.

And I want nothing more to do with it.

Don't worry, Mr. Robinson.

We will never abandon you.

What was he doing in the shed?

I don't know.
He hasn't said a word since I found him.

He looks kind of... broken.

It's OK, Mr. Robinson.

I know just what will cheer you up.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,
for tonight only,

I give you... me! [giggles]

Wow! This guy's good!

OK, OK.

Now, what do you call... this?

That's right-- a pea on a fork.

[drum roll]

[gasps]

His head is the pea.

His head is the pea!

-[laughing]
-[tooting]

-Funny.
-And now, what's this?

It's a butt... in an elevator.

Ow. Huh?

[mutters]

Why?

Why?

Why?

Enough!

You can ruin my sleep,
you can terrorize my family,

but you will not stop me
from eating my sausage!

Cheer up, Mr. Robinson.

You know what I do when
I'm feeling a bit low?

I look at this.

Hmm.

Hey! Look what I found!

♪ Electrofat get you fit
While you watch TV ♪

I think this may help.

It says here,
"Promotes health and happiness.

Side effects may include electrocution,
hair loss, hair gain,

depression, euphoria,
blackouts, amnesia, blah, blah, blah...

Ah-ha! Gets results fast"!

[Darwin] Well, this is exactly
what you need.

[Gumball] OK, now power it up.

[electrical hum, beeps]

Look! He's moving! It's working!

He's asking for more! Turn it up!

[grunting]

[both] He's smiling! He's smiling!

Richard, what are you doing--

[screams]

Aah! Nicole! Nicole!

Nicole! Where are you?

-Nicole!
-I'm here.

Richard, can you tell me why
I'm hanging upside-down?

Because this place is haunted,
and I need to set more traps!

[sighs]

[both cough]

Does he look happy?

Nah, he looks more like
a bulldog staring at the sun.

Don't you think?

[Darwin] Oh, yeah.

[sighs]

Let's try to remember
the last time he looked happy.

Oh, yeah. That was the day
you learned how to tie your shoelaces.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

It hurts!

-Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
-[laughing]

[sighs] The smile on his face.

I'll treasure that memory forever.

That's it, Darwin.

He finds happiness
in the suffering of others.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Hey, Mr. Robinson.

Look at this.

It's funny 'cause it hurts!

Right, Mr. Robinson?

Eh...

You have to put more heart into it.

Like this!

[grunting, panting]

Richard, honey,
can you help me down, please?

Don't you understand?

We're at w*r!

I've already lost one sausage,
and I will not lose another one.

But who are you fighting?

The ghost, of course!

[grunting]

Hey, Mr. Robinson, look.

Is he smiling yet?

-Nope.
-[Nicole] Richard.

Richard! Please look at me!

First he takes my sausages, and then what?
Should I let him take my wife?

A man's house is his castle, Nicole.

And this is a castle,
and I'm not letting him ruin it.

There's a phantom in our bed,
and before you know it...

Richard, by all means, be hysterical,
but please don't forget to breathe.

...a giant earwig!

[breathes deeply]

And the next thing you know,
he'll come for the kids-- the kids!

There are no such things as ghosts.

-Richard, calm down.
-You calm down, Nicole!

-Richard, please don't...
-Ah...

Margaret and I used to argue
like that--

sometimes up to six times a day,

from first thing in the morning,
until last thing at night.

In the kitchen, in the backyard,

in the car,

occasionally, we'd do it in public,

once even while we were sleeping.
[chuckles]

But what happened?

I don't know.

Something changed.

And one day, she said the spark
had gone and asked me to leave.

That's when you found me in the shed.

So that's what's wrong with Mr. Robinson.

He lost his anger.

-Look!
-Yeah, that looks more like it.

We're gonna sort this out.

-How?
-Leave that to us.

But first, we got to get you out of here.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Are you sure about this?

Don't worry. You're in safe hands. Ready?

Breathe in, breathe--

[screams]

Enough!

[groans]

[humming]

Hmm. I'm not sure what he sees
in that woman, but anyway...

Come on, Mr. Robinson!
Let's show her you still got it!

OK, now go ballistic.

I can't, kids. I'm not that man anymore.

Then we'll do it for you.

Hey, you! Mr. Robinson's wife!

Come and have an argument with him!

I mean... me!

We're gonna have a fight,
and you're gonna like it!

How do you like my arguing, huh?

See how angry I am?

[muttering]

[sighs]

You made it worse.

I didn't think it was possible,
but you made it worse.

[crying]

[Richard screams]

The ghost!
He's about to att*ck the children!

-This is for attacking my kids!
-[grunting]

And this... is... for... my... sausage!

-Dad!
-Now get out of my garden!

-Stop it! Stop it! It's Mr. Robinson!
-[groans]

Oh, sorry!

Ow.

[heart pounding]

Aarrgh!

Show yourself, ghost of Mr. Robinson!

Hey, what's up, neighbor?

I've had enough of this family!

Your tacky lifestyle, your ugly house,
your cheap garden shed!

I'll smash it to pieces!

[grunting]

[panting]

It's more solid than I thought.

But this is what I do
to your unfashionable deck chairs!

Gosh darn it!

[pants]

And as for your crummy
thrift store vacuum cleaner--

Buy cheap...

Buy twice!

And this is what I think

of your $ clip-on tie!

[cackling]

I'm back!

And as for you...

[both laughing and mumbling]

[both] Yay!

[both] Welcome back, Mr. Robinson!

Thanks.

So, since we saved
your marriage and everything,

I guess that makes us
best friends forever?

So can we call you Gaylord
instead of Mr. Robinson?

Don't push it, kid.

Now, take me home, woman.

What was that all about?

Well, there never was a ghost, Dad.

-It was Mr. Robinson.
-We hid him in the attic.

No.

I mean, what's wrong with our house,
our shed, and my tie? [sniffles]

[sighs] Dad, you know what I do
when I feel like a loser?

I look at this.

Yeah.

I feel better now.

Who... Who does he think he is, anyway?

"$ clip-on tie."

At least I know how to treat my wife!

[grunting]

[groans]

[screams]

Richard!