01x26 & 01x27 - The Mustache/The Date

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

[Richard] Bowls, check!

Spoons, check! Cereal, check! Oh!

[grunting]

So much for easy opening!

It looks so simple on TV!

Oh, man, I really don't want
to go to school today.

-Me neither.
-Let's not go!

-You can do that?
-Sure! Hey, Dad?

[Richard grunting]

Yes?

We really don't want
to go to school today.

Why? Are you sick?

-Nah. We're just not up for it.
-Yeah!

But you have to go to school.
You're kids! It's what you do!

-[both] [resigned sigh]
-[doorbell rings]

Mailman! Woo-hoo! [laughs]

I wish we were grown-ups, like Dad.

Then we'd never have to go to school
and nobody would tell us what to do.

We could drive trucks,
stay up all night, vote.

[both gasp] Vote...

Oh! Finally!

What's that?

Why? According to the Fifth Amendment,
I don't have to answer that

without my lawyer present!

Right. Anyway, about school...

Oh, yeah. You're kids, so you do
what Mom tells me to tell you to do.

-Being a kid is wretched-lame.
-You should be happy to be young.

Before you know it,
you'll be overweight, unattractive,

balding, middle-aged.

Take over breakfast!

I don't want you to see me like this!

What's his problem?

Meh, You never know with that guy.
Come on. Let's have breakfast.

Man, what a pile of beans.

[gasps] Dude, watch your language!

You'll get us in trouble!

Well, I'm sorry, Darwin, but it is.

It's a big, steaming pile of beans.

[high-pitched whistling]

Gumball, look! A sh**ting star!

This is our chance. Make a wish!

-I wish I was a grown-up.
-Me too!

They don't work at all.

-[Gumball groans]
-Ow!

-Faker!
-Oh, darn kids!

What do you think you're doing?

Today's lesson will be about
the transformations of the human body.

Brr...

As you get older,
hormones begin to change your appearance.

[Gumball] Here.

It's me as an adult
talking to my secretary over the intercom.

[Darwin] It's me voting!

Awesome.

[Lucy] Passing notes, are we?

No, Miss Simian.

Well, then, what's this?

That's us as adults?

I guess you're on topic then.
Anyway, pimples--

-[all] Ew!
-Silence!

Actually, it's pretty gross.

You may continue.

[all] Eww!

Pimples, or acne,
can pop up at any time...

Dude, what's that on your face?

What? What?

-That.
-What?

It looks like a greasy, yellow egg.
No, no, actually,

it's more like a small volcano
with a sweaty golf ball.

Do something! Do something!

OK, OK. Hold on.

Let me just...

[sighs]

I think we're gonna need more little hats.

[panicked screaming]

-Relax, dude!
-That's easy for you to say!

Why don't you have any?

Just lucky, I guess.

[panicked screaming]

-[pimples popping]
-[both wincing in pain]

I think that's all of them.

What's happening to us?

I think we've got the plague.

Do you have any other symptoms?

My top lip feels a little silky.

Next comes the appearance
of hair on the body and face.

[laughing]
Dude, you look like an undercover cop.

Stop laughing! Do something!

OK.

I see Mom do this all the time.

And Dad, on one occasion.

That feels so much bet-- [screams]

[scream]

Don't worry, dude.

I'm not worried about me!
I'm worried about you!

You look like a baby werewolf!

No! Not me!

It was better when it was just you!

Guys, I don't mean to interrupt,
but this is the girls' toilet.

Yeah, sorry!

I got to sort this out. Start chewing.

OK, settle down.

Everyone,
get into your team for dodgeball.

Oh, no. Not dodgeball.

-[heavy footfalls]
-[Tina growling]

You're going down.

You get the idea.

[buzzer buzzes]

[roaring]

Please-- Not above the should--

[both groaning]

The ear!

My ankle!

A bowling ball?

[laughter]

Catch!

Enough!

[grunting]

[vehicle alarms beeping]

Oh!

[both screaming]

[Gumball]
This is horrible! We're monsters!

No, you're not. It's just a part of life.

Are you saying we're grown-ups now?

Apparently so.

Did you hear that?
That sh**ting star worked.

Now, get back to class!

[both] All right, Miss Simian.

Wait a minute!
We don't have to listen to you anymore.

Because we're men!

♪ We're gonna test-drive a car ♪

♪ Say we need a little time
To think about it ♪

♪ Because we're men ♪

♪ We're gonna pay more for the movies
Chop down trees ♪

♪ And eat a lot of meat ♪

♪ Because we're men ♪

♪ We can have our own kids
But we're gonna wait until ♪

♪ We meet the right person
Because it's an important decision ♪

♪ But in the meantime, we can barbecue ♪

♪ Buy power tools ♪

♪ Get tattoos ♪

♪ Buy our own shoes ♪

Oh, wait. No, we can't.

We don't have any money.

[both sigh]

Let's get jobs!

Well, as far as I can see
from your resume,

you have absolutely
no qualifications whatsoever.

Do either of you have
any applicable skills?

Well, I can do this.

[music plays]

Look, for the third time, Mr. Watterson,
rolling your stomach

is not a valuable skill
in the work environment.

Oh, I-- I'm sorry. Point taken.

-Good. OK, so, looking at your track re--
-[music plays]

Oh, I see. Sorry.

Look, right now,
I need you to give me a valid reason

why I should even consider giving
either of you a job.

Well, I can touch my nose with my tongue.

That's not a skill.

This is.

You guys want a job?
Well, you can have mine!

I quit!

Good luck!

[both] Yay!

What do people with jobs do?

I don't know. Hiring and f*ring?

-Cool! Well, you're hired.
-So are you!

-What now?
-Guess we should do some f*ring?

[both] You're fired!

You're fired!

You're fired!

And you're fired!

Hey, what are you f*ring me for?

It's what I do.

Well, you're fired!

You can't fire me! I just fired you!

All right, quickly, hire me again.

OK. You're hired.

You're fired!

[police sirens wailing]

I can't believe we lost our jobs.

So, this is being an adult, huh?

-No money.
-No job.

Crumbly apartment.

Rent overdue!

And this is our last piece of food.

-I think we should share it.
-[crunching]

Sorry. What was that?

I can't believe you ate
our last piece of candy!

Well, I can't believe
I'm stuck here with you!

I can't believe we're both yelling!

I know! We're trying to hide
from the landlord!

-Let's be quiet, then!
-OK!

-I wish we were kids again.
-Me too.

I'll be in my room.

Me too.

[sobbing]

[heavy footfalls]

[both gasp]

Someone's coming!

Oh, no! It's the landlord!

-What are we gonna do?
-I don't know!

[heavy pounding continues]

[Gumball screaming]

-Please don't hurt us!
-Take anything you want!

Guys, it's me, your sister.

Dude, you look like a Mexican wrestler.

I'm not a man, and neither are you.

I think I know what happened. Follow me.

Oh! No! Now, come on!

-Flex! Flex, flex!
-Richard?

What are you doing?

I'm getting old.

It's like you always say,
"We grow up so fat."

"Fast," Richard,
and I was talking about the children.

Don't talk to me about those rosy-cheeked,

baby-faced... hairy mutants!

-Hi.
-Hi.

What's happened to my babies?

It's OK, Mom. I think it was these
that turned us into men.

Ah. You found my supplements.

But they're empty.

Can someone please tell me
what's going on?

Sure.

At breakfast,
Dad left with the cereal box,

so we ate his supplements by mistake.

Oh, I think I know what happened.

Yeah, I just told you.

Richard, why on Earth
were you buying those supplements?

I couldn't help myself.

It's the Internet's fault.

Every time I open my e-mails,
this is what I get.

-Are you too fat?
-Yes.

-Are you too bald?
-Maybe.

Are you really the man she deserves?

So, that's where all the laptops went.

It was a moment of weakness,

and I crumbled, Nicole!

I crumbled!

[bawling]

Honey, you didn't need those pills.

I love you just the way you are.

So do we, Dad.

[sniffles]

Really?

Oh, come here, my little... body builders.

So, are we gonna be like this forever?

Oh, it says on the box
that the effect wears off after a week.

Mmm.

At least that pyramid scheme
will be more reliable.

Anyway, now this is all cleared up,
let's all get out the house

and have some fun.

[all cheering]

[both laughing]

Higher! Higher!

They grow up so fast.

Oh, precious mo--

[music playing]

And that's why you should never mix
pop rocks and soda.

OK. Anyone else have a riveting tale?

-I do!
-Richard, let's hear from the children.

Well, Penny asked me out on a date.

-No biggie.
-She did?

That's great news! What did she say?

Well...

Excuse me-- What?

Do you want to come 'round
my house this Saturday?

Me? With you? At your place?

You see, it's Mr. Cuddles...

[inaudible]

Ah...

Yeah, that's about it.

Oh, my little boy is becoming a man.

[both grunting]

Mom!

Man, you're my hero.

You're going on this big date,
and you're not even nervous!

I'd be freaking out!

I mean, think about it, if you blow it,
she'll never speak to you again,

and you'll be left alone
for the rest of your life

and never find happiness!

[chokes]

Don't worry, sweetie. Just be yourself.
That's all a girl wants.

[sighs] Thanks, Mom.

See you after work.

-Bye!
-Bye!

[chuckling]

Ah...

What?

Listen, son,
ignore everything your mother just said.

Why?

Look, women only think
they want us to be ourselves

because they don't know
how wretched we actually are.

What you have to do,
is think of someone really cool

and attractive and be them.

R-- Really?
But-- but, Anais, is this true?

I'm gonna have to go with Dad on this one.
You're kind of a loser, Gumball.

-Exactly.
-Sorry.

What am I gonna do? I really like Penny.

I want her to like me, too.

You could start by being romantic,
dress up a little, buy her some presents.

Well, I can't do any of those things.
I don't have any money.

Listen, son, you don't need money
to show a girl a good time.

You think I have money?

-Uh... No?
-Do you see mom leaving me?

Yeah, every day
to go to work and earn money.

Ha, ha. There's other ways to get stuff
without spending money.

Do you want to hear the secrets
kept for centuries by Watterson men?

I don't have any choice, do I?

No! Come with me.

First things first--
we need to get you some nice clothes.

Yeah, Penny loves fashion!
That's a great idea!

Here we are, the greatest
department store in the world,

where everything is free!

So, anything new?

Ooh, that's nice.

You're going to get my date clothes
out of a dump?

-Oh, man, that's gross.
-I didn't hear you

complaining when I gave you that sweater.

What? My favorite sweater
came out of the dump?

No. Don't be silly.

I found it in a sewage outlet.

Oh, man. I wear this all the time.

You are gonna look smashing.

-You think so?
-Right.

You've got the look,
but you're going to need a bit of money

in your pocket
so you can treat her on the date,

and I'm going to show you a great way
of getting money for free.

Behold, the credit card!

[beeping]

You see?

Here you go, son.

Awesome!

Hey, hey, beautiful.

Oh, hey, Penny. I didn't see you there.

Yeah, I was just passing by.

You know, chillin' with my new hat.

I think I'm ready for my date.

Are you?

Have you even considered
how you're gonna behave on this date?

Yeah, I'm probably gonna be well-behaved.

I mean, like, manners and etiquette.

Uh, uh...

-[scream]
-[thud]

Start by pouring Mrs. Pumpernickel
a cup of tea.

-I don't wanna.
-Why?

'Cause she's looking at me funny.

-See?
-Gumball, she's a doll.

Why don't you try having
a civilized conversation with her?

All right.

So, how was your day, Mrs. Pumpernickel?

Oh. I see. Too good to talk to me, huh?

You think You're better than me
with your Fancy, little cups

and "la-de-da" friends?

Well, you know nothing about life,
Mrs. Pumpernickel!

And this is what I do to your fancy China!

[grunting]

Gumball, just get out of my room.

OK, so, I'm set.
Got my look, I know where I'm taking her.

I'm ready to go.

There's one thing you're not ready for.

What's that?

-This!
-Ow! What was that?

The unexpected,
and you weren't prepared for it.

Oh. I-- I see what you mean.

Follow me to the training camp.

-Where?
-Just come to the backyard.

You've got to be prepared
for anything on this date,

-because anything could happen.
-Like what?

What if someone tries to mug you?

I don't know. Call the police?

Ehh! Wrong. Knock his block off!

[low grunt] Like that?

That was good.

But it's better to finish
with a wisecrack.

Women love that.

Like what?

Like "Welcome to punch town,

population, you."

Are you sure this is
gonna help me with my date?

-Totally.
-OK.

[Darwin] Hi. I'm Penny's father,
and I don't approve of you

because you don't have any prospects.

[grunts]

I'm sorry, Daddy, but you're grounded.

[Dawrwin ]Oh, hello.
I'm Sebastian Lonkwin,

Penny's successful ex-boyfriend.

[grunts]
Looks like this "ex" is catching some Z's.

Is that all you got?

What do you say to someone
who doesn't believe in love?

[Gumball grunts]

You don't need that heart.

Actually, that was a little too extreme,
but I'll give you eight out of ten.

Good job, soldier.

[sighs]

The hardest part of my job
is watching them leave.

-So?
-Oh, son!

You look like a million bucks!

I'm proud of you, buddy.

Did you remember to-- Ha!

Very good, because I thought
you were gonna be surprised!

OK.

But will you be prepared for--
third surprise?

-That one was pretty obvious, dude.
-Oh!

This is gonna be the greatest date ever!

Hey.

Oh, thanks for coming, Gumball.

You look... dressed.

I guess you should come in.

Oh, well, that's one
way to get in the house. [chuckles]

[Penny] Right.

So, what do you want to do today?

Today is the funeral.

Oh!

For Mr. Cuddles, my pet.

Oh, thank goodness.
I thought it might be a real funeral.

[nervous chuckle]

I mean, pets. Pets are great,
like part of the family.

So, what happened to him?

My dad flushed him down
the toilet by mistake.

[muffled laughter] That's terrible.

Did he go 'round and 'round
or straight down?

[man] Straight down.

I'm Penny's father.

[screams] Blocked.

Right.

Come to the backyard.
The service is about to start.

[sighs]

Penny, I'm sorry.
I thought this was a date.

Why didn't you tell me it was a funeral?

I did, in the corridor at school.

Do you want to come to my house?
It's Mr. Cuddles' funeral.

I could use some support from a friend.

Gumball, are you even listening?

This Saturday, : p.m.
It's-- It's a date.

[high-pitched chuckle]

Oh, oh. Oh, yeah.

Don't worry.
I'm still here for you, Penny.

Thanks, Gumball.

Awesome...

day for remembering
those who have left us.

Shall we go?

[bagpipes playing]

Gumball, perhaps you'd like to say
a few words about Mr. Cuddles.

O-- Of course.

Well, Mr. Cuddles was Penny's pet.

Even though I never met him,
Penny's pretty hot,

so I'm sure he was pretty hot, too.

[thunder rumbling]

Thank you, Gumball.
That was really special.

My picture!

My sister made a photo tribute,
so we can all remember Mr. Cuddles.

How thoughtful.

Want to see?

[high-pitched screaming]

A spider! Knock his block off!

That's awful! I hate spiders!

Who would want something
that creepy in their house? [grunting]

[wailing]

Listen, son, I think it's best you leave.

I'll, uh... let myself out.

Play on, dear.

♪ Oh, Danny boy ♪

♪ The pipes, the pipes-- ♪

Uh, sorry. It's me again.

Can I use your bathroom,
'cause it's kind of a long--

-It's the second on the left upstairs.
-Thanks.

♪ From glen to glen ♪

-Have a nice funeral!
-Just get out of here!

[Gumball] Aw, man, what is wrong with me?

She's never gonna forgive me for that.

I'll spend the rest of my life alone
and never find happiness.

[hissing]

A spider! Knock his block off!

No, wait.

♪ But come ye back-- ♪

Hey! I found Mr. Cuddles!
He's on the toilet!

Is he trying to say something?

He's on the toilet!

Look! The toilet!

Just ignore him.

♪ And white with snow ♪

[sighs] I guess I'll have to show them.

Come here, little fella.

[distorted] Who's a good spider?
Who's a lovely, good spider?

Oh, good boy, Mister--

[shrieks]

Get off, get off, get of!
Get off, get off!

[screaming]

-[gasps]
-Don't look. You'll just encourage him.

[laughs] Ow!

Mr. Cuddles?

You're back!
I thought you were gone forever!

Where did you find him?

In the toilet somewhere.

Gumball, this is amazing.

Oh, yeah, yeah, it's great.

Son, I stand corrected.
I thought you were a good-for-nothing,

young troublemaker, but no, you're--

Yeah, whatever.

One question. Is that spider poisonous?

-'Cause it just bit me.
-Yeah, but it's like a bee sting.

You'd have to be bitten, like,
times for it to be dangerous.

OK, thanks.
If you'll excuse me, I'll go now.

Bye.

[Anais] He looks real bad.

-[Darwin] Disgusting.
-[Nicole] He looks awful.

He'll never play the clarinet again.

[mumbling]

[Nicole] Shh! He's waking up.

[chuckle] Looking good, champ.

Someone's here to see you, honey.

Hi, Gumball.

Hey, Penny.

I brought someone along
who wants to say, "Sorry."

Right, Mr. Cuddles?

[hiss]

[all gasping]

[theme music playing]