01x05 - The Voter

[bunniefuu]

[Sufjan Stevens' "Chicago" playing]

♪ I fell in love again ♪

♪ All things go, all things go ♪

♪ Drove to Chicago ♪

♪ All things know, all things know ♪

♪ You came to take us ♪

♪ All things go, all things go ♪

♪ To recreate us ♪

♪ All things grow, all things grow ♪

♪ We had our mindset ♪

♪ All things know ♪

♪ All things know ♪

♪ You had to find it ♪

♪ All things go, all things go ♪

Good morning, Chippy.

[Chippy] Mom! Where are my socks?

[mother] What? Which ones?

[Chippy] The red ones!
They were right here!

- [mother] I don't know!
- [father] Where did you leave 'em?

- [knocking at door]
- [soft gasp]

[mother]
I know what you're doing in there.

Knock it off and come down to breakfast.

You get one more tardy slip
and they're gonna suspend you.

- [dings]
- [Chippy] I wanna stop at Starbucks

- on the way to school.
- [mother] With what money?

[Chippy] I have Apple Pay on my phone.

[mother] Then we have to pay that bill
eventually, do you know that?

Really?

This kidnapped Astrid Sloan girl's
quite the story. You know her?

Seen her around.

She turned that student body
president election into real news.

Made the Los Angeles Times.

I only read the headline,

but it's on the front
of the Metro section.

Who are you votin' for?

He's got more important things
to worry about.

- [father] Than his civic duty?
- Yes. Like passing English.

He speaks English just fine.

It's just two rich kids
fighting for attention.

Scrambled eggs again?

You want fancy eggs?
Make 'em yourself, little Prince George.

[whispers] I could if I wanted to.

I saw a documentary on Netflix
and now I'm vegan.

Honey, you're struggling
to make friends already.

You don't need to add another reason
for people to be annoyed by you.

In this country, the most important right
is the right to vote.

One man, one vote.

No more kings,
all that Schoolhouse Rock stuff.

[Chippy]
BuzzFeed has the best online quizzes.

Like, "Which Avenger are you?"

"What's your ideal pet?"

"What would your p*rn name be?"

[thinking]
I wish Fallout 5 would come out already.

[Chippy] Mine's Frankie Hermosa.

If I touch my butthole
while I'm jerking off,

does that make me gay?

Crap, I'm getting a random boner again.

God, my life sucks.

[heavy metal playing over headphones]

[no audible dialogue]

[heavy metal music continues blaring]

...so, I think we sorta lost touch,
which was too bad.

But, you know, it happens.

Anyway, it's so nice
to reconnect with you.

I just wanted to make sure that you knew
about the election today

and how important it is that we
as students make our voices heard.

As you know, these two candidates
could not be further apart on the issues.

I'm not sure if you're aware
of Payton Hobart's latest smears

about Astrid Sloan's character,

but I think varsity football captain
Reggie Water said it best

when he called it
"just politics as usual."

Wait, who are you?

I'm Kris, the Chief Data Strategist
for Together: We're One.

The campaign to elect Astrid Sloan.

According to our research,

which I guess is my research

because that's my role in the campaign...
And can I just say as a sidebar,

there is no candidate more passionate
and dedicated than Astrid.

But according to our research,

you're just one of a handful
of undecided voters

who have yet to express a preference
for a candidate,

so I just wanted to double-check
that you had all the information

to make an informed choice
when you step into that voting booth.

Any time after fifth period
until the polls close at 3:30.

Yeah, okay.

Uh, for instance,
did you know that Payton Hobart

has funneled thousands of dollars of
his parent's wealth into his own campaign?

I mean, I wouldn't go so far
as to call it dirty money,

but wouldn't you agree there should
be less money in politics, not more?

- I don't know.
- "I don't know" is exactly right.

I don't know how Payton Hobart
sleeps at night,

thinking he can just
buy his way through this election,

but I guess it just goes to show
how out of touch he really is, Elliott.

Yeah, thanks.

Oh, and you might've heard something
about this media circus

surrounding Astrid's
so-called "disappearance."

Smart voters are not gonna let
the conspiracy media distract them.

Did you know she just chose
Pierre Toussaint as her running mate?

Making him the first
Haitian VP candidate in school history.

Amazing.

So when you wear that pin,

you'll be sending a strong message
to Big Bucks Payton:

the status quo has got to go.

Will you commit to wearing that pin

and telling the moneyed interests
at this school

- that you're tired of business as usual?
- Okay. Fine.

Thank you, Elliott. I really admire you.
Now let's make history together.

And I've gotta let Astrid know.

She's been asking me all day,
"Have you talked to Elliott?"

So, I will tell her that Elliott is in.
[typing]

Again, really good reconnecting with you.

[overlapping chatter]

- [boy 1] Vote for Payton.
- [girl] Make sure you vote for Astrid.

[boy 2] Vote for Payton.

Wait. Here, take this.

- [woman moaning on phone]
- [volume decreasing, muting]

[unzips pants]

[door opens]

- [Payton] Hey, Amir Everett, right?
- [Amir] Yeah.

How's it going? Payton Hobart
running for student body president.

Our research says that you are one
of the still undecided students,

so I thought that maybe a little
one-on-one time might convince you

to hop off the fence onto our side.

Wait, how do you know that I'm undecided?

Well, we have an algorithm that
goes through student social media posts.

It's all totally legal,
plus human intelligence gathering.

The important part is
that we pay attention.

Okay? We care about you as an individual,

which is why I really wanted
to apologize to you personally

for Infinity's h*m* slur.

All right?
I know that you're out and proud,

and I wanted to make sure that
you don't think I condone it in any way.

That's why I kicked her off the ticket.

That was pretty bold.

- I appreciate that.
- Yeah.

Hey, have you seen Hamilton?

- [Amir] Like three times.
- [Payton laughs] Yeah, me too.

- [chuckles]
- Thanks for talking, Payton.

I think you can count on me
getting off the fence now.

Oh, that's music to my ears, Amir.
Thank you.

[door opens]

[Payton] We got him.

[James] Nice. You mention Hamilton?

[Payton] Who do you think
you're dealing with? Who's next?

[James] A junior named Elliott Beachman.

[Payton] Hmm. Never heard of him.

[James] I'll take it. He's some woodshop
loser. No need to waste your time.

- [Payton] Don't talk like that.
- [James] He's irrelevant.

If we didn't need his vote, he could
die tomorrow, no one'd notice.

Which is exactly why
I'm running for president.

No kid should feel that way.

[bell rings]

[door opens, shuts]

[pounding on door]
Elliott, I know you're in there.

The bell has rung. Get to class.

- Hey, Elliott, right?
- I know I'm late. I was taking a dump.

Dude, who do you think I am?
The hall monitor?

I'm James.
I'm working on Payton's campaign.

Okay.

Hey, it's good to see you.

So, listen. You know, I hear
you're undecided about the election.

I know politics can be
really boring sometimes.

It's like, who cares, right?

But actually, Payton's gonna be making
a huge announcement today

at the final debate.

You should definitely be there.

It'd be really cool if you came.

Sure.

- You know voting starts at fifth period?
- Yeah, I know.

Dude, you know what?

I just thought of something.
What are you doing at 2:15?

- I have math.
- Oh, no, F that. You know what?

I'll come pull you out of class,
walk you to the polls,

and then you have the rest of the period
to screw around.

- Could probably even go home after that.
- Uh...

Oh, dude! No! When's your lunch? Fourth?

Dude, how about instead
of sitting by yourself,

you sit with me and my friends
and we all go vote right after?

Do you know Decker and Jerry?
Might not, they're seniors.

But, uh, yeah, dude.

Just come and hang with us and, dude!

Decker's girlfriend Shana's
throwing a party this weekend, so, like,

just come and have lunch with us
and I'll be like,

"Dudes, I'm bringin' this kid!"

[grunts]

Oh, sh*t!

You just broke my nose, you assh*le!

[groans]

[Payton]
And so, some people could choose to say,

"This campaign has become
extremely negative.

It's full of anger and vitriol, and so...
I'm not interested."

But I see it differently.

All right? I believe that this race
has inspired such passion

because we all know what's
at stake here...

- You're late.
- Yeah, sorry.

It was made clear to you
that this assembly was mandatory,

- so that's a detention.
- Yeah, all right.

[Payton] But there is one person here
who can speak about my opponent

better than anyone,

and so I'm gonna leave it to her,
because, after all,

- she was Astrid's running mate.
- Hi.

- [audience chuckles]
- And now she's making history

as the first ever running mate
to switch candidates.

So I'm gonna let her talk about

what it felt like
to make the right decision.

Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me

to introduce the next Vice President
of St. Sebastian: Skye Leighton!

- [g*nf*re on game]
- [audience cheering]

[woman] Yeah, Skye!

Thank you. Thank you.

- Yeah!
- Thank you.

Thank you so much. You're too kind.

[blowing raspberry]

[Elliott giggling]

[Skye] Thank you so much, Payton.

And I am so happy to be joining
a campaign that I can... believe in.

[scattered reactions, applause]

Let me say a few things
about my former running mate,

- Astrid Sloan.
- [scattered] Oh...

Actually, no, let me say a few things
to my former running mate Astrid Sloan.

[audience] Oh...

Astrid,

what the hell were you thinking?

I mean, how out of touch can somebody be

to just skip town in the middle
of a campaign for student body president?

- [g*nf*re on game]
- Psst! Psst!

Excuse me, yeah.
Would you mind turning that down?

You freaking psychopath.

What is wrong with you?

[Skye] Were you high, Astrid?

Or are you high right now?

I mean, look, we all get it.
We all get stressed.

You know, I'm sure a lot of folks here,
when they're having a really rough day,

they think to themselves,
"You know what I ought to do?

I ought to go on a road trip
and I won't tell anybody where I'm going,

so the whole town will freak out

and the national media will descend
and I'll come back a few days later

- and pretend like nothing happened."
- [game noise]

We get it, Astrid. We've all been there.

[cheers and applause]

Ms. Leighton, if you'll please wrap up.

I was just getting started, folks.

Anyway, Astrid, so glad you're back.

I'll just in closing say this,

a vote for this ticket
is not just a vote for me and Payton.

It's a vote for every person of color...

[murmurs of approval]

...every woman...

- [audience cheering]
- ...every LGBTQI and A.

It is a vote for progress, St. Sebastian.

And it happens today.

[cheering]

Now let's go make history.

[g*nf*re continues on video game]

[continues loudly]

[girl] Hey, dumbass!

Would you mind turning the sound off
on your phone,

you stupid piece of sh*t?

[moderator]
Astrid Sloan, your opening remarks?

[cheers and applause]

- [girl] Yeah, Astrid!
- [boy] Let's go!

- Dude, look!
- What?

[Astrid] Connor, I'm not going
to glorify those remarks with a response.

He's totally gonna go up her shirt.

[Astrid]
That was tasteless and mean-spirited.

And I think you students have just seen...

- Holy sh*t!
- ...a great example of what you'll get

if you make the mistake of choosing
these people to represent you.

[scattered applause, murmurs]

Shame on you, Skye.

Payton.

This school deserves better than you.

[audience] Oh!

- There!
- [chuckling]

[Astrid] My decision

- to fire you as my running mate...
- She did not fire me!

- Ms. Leighton, you had your time.
- [audience] Oh!

[Skye] She did not fire me!

[Astrid] ...to fire her as my running mate
was the best thing I could've done.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am so proud
to introduce St. Sebastian High School's

first ever Haitian-born
vice presidential candidate,

Pierre Toussaint.

[cheers and applause]

- [Pierre] Thank you so much, Astrid. Wow.
- [inhaling deeply]

- It's like the whole school.
- [coughs]

Amazing!

- Yes, St. Sebastian.
- [coughs]

Astrid and I are proud to announce
our nine-point plan

to make this school greener, safer,

and a more integrated part
of this community,

making each and every one of us
better global citizens along the way.

But, you know what?

Something just occurred to me
as I was sitting there.

You know what I want to happen this year?

I want Drake
to come and play a concert here.

- Wouldn't that be awesome?
- [audience murmuring]

Who all here would like to have Drake
come do a show for everybody here?

[audience chattering]

- What flavor?
- Bubble gum.

- I want our prom at Santa Barbara Hall.
- It's good.

And then at midnight, Drake takes
the stage and does a show all night.

- [crowd cheering]
- St. Sebastian, this is my promise to you.

We'll raise however much money
it takes to fly him here,

and Drake will give us
the sickest prom night ever.

Let's do this, St. Sebastian!

[excited cheering]

Thank you, Mr. Toussaint.

Payton, freshman Dolly Andricks
has a question for you.

[cheers and applause continuing]

- [crowd chanting] Drake!
- Everyone, I'll ask you again.

Could you please hold your applause
until the end of the debate?

[inhaling deeply]

[Infinity over bullhorn]
She ran away with my boyfriend!

[coughs]

She ran away with my boyfriend!

[cheers stop, low murmurs]

Payton Hobart used me for my cancer!

[audience gasps softly]

And Astrid ran away with my boyfriend
and they had sex!

[overlapping audience reactions]

He said he saw you eat your own boogers.

[clears throat]

[Infinity] I'm going!

Okay. Okay. Let's everybody sit down.

- [crowd chanting] Drake!
- Everybody take a seat.

[McAfee] Excuse me, I'm doing some
post-debate exit polling.

Would you be willing
to answer a few questions?

Okay, can you stop walking for a second?

- Name, please.
- Elliott.

Last name?

Beachman. Your last name is Beachman,
just for future reference.

You were at the debate, right?

Did the debate change your opinion
of either candidate?

No.

Can you explain why?

I dunno. Just don't really care.

Okay. Are you leaning towards
one candidate over the other?

No.

Okay, so no preference.

Was there any moment in the debate
that stood out to you?

Not really.

Do you remember anything said
during the debate?

No.

Okay. So not when one candidate promised

to bring a major recording artist
to perform live at our high school?

Yeah, I don't know.

Or when the former
vice presidential candidate interrupted

and started screaming that one of
the candidates eats her own boogers?

Okay. This has been
extremely inspiring, Elliott.

- Thank you so much for your time.
- [clicks teeth]

- Any luck?
- No.

James did a straw poll
and the late deciders

are breaking for the "Astrid, Pierre,
Drake performing at our prom" ticket.

We're now only up by two points,
which is within the margin of error.

Depending on turnout, we could either
win by six or lose by four.

Need to lock down every single undecided,
including that kid.

Something tells me he's gonna require
some one-on-one attention.

[boy] Dude, are you freaking kidding me?

Do you know how awesome that'd be?

It's never gonna happen.

How do you know?

'Cause he's probably on tour or something.

I don't think Drake plays
many high school proms, Derek.

[Derek] Whatever. It'd be awesome.

I'm like, finally, they're talking
about something I actually care about.

Oh, really, Derek?

'Cause an issue that I care about
is not getting sh*t.

And Payton's trying to move the needle
on the g*n policy in this country.

[Derek scoffs] Please.

He's not changing anything.

There should be, at least, metal detectors
when you walk into the school.

Do you wanna get sh*t, Derek?

Um, I'm pretty sure Astrid
also cares about school safety.

- It's not like she's pro g*ns in school.
- Yeah, but it's Payton's signature issue.

[Derek] Well, my signature issue
is having an awesome prom.

[girl] You're such an idiot, Derek.
Just think about what you just said.

[Derek] Can you think about
how awesome Drake would be?

[girl] Can't talk to you.
My cousin goes to high school in Oklahoma

and some kid
brought a friggin' grenade to school.

Like an actual hand grenade
from World w*r II.

Dude, a grenade from World w*r II
probably wouldn't even work anymore.

[girl]
That's not the point of the story!

So, you are seriously worried
that if Astrid's elected,

kids are gonna start bringing
World w*r II grenades to school?

- It's probably not even illegal.
- You're such an assh*le, Derek!

That's not what I'm talking about!

My cousin was so freaked out,
she didn't go to school for a month!

- Goddamnit!
- [tray clatters]

What the hell? That was my lunch!

What is wrong with you?

[Astrid] Hi.

I'm Astrid.

I was just wondering if you knew
who you were voting for this afternoon.

Uh...

Because I don't know
if you were at the debate,

but it was pretty amazing.

We have some really exciting things
planned for this school.

I don't know if you've heard,
but among other things,

we're really excited
to bring Drake here to perform.

Either for prom or, like,
a stand-alone concert or something.

Hey, Elliott.

We're in the middle of a conversation.

Listen, I 100% get that this race
is not that interesting to you.

Honestly, I do not blame you.

Elliott, do you know that Payton
is attempting to buy this election

using his family's money?

I seriously get it, man.
I feel you, but here's the thing:

The race is almost over.
If you could just help our campaign,

we have the chance to enact
some real change at this school.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that
your vote could literally change history.

How much money do your parents make?
Do they work for a living?

Payton's parents are so rich,
they don't even have to.

You live in a $15 million house,

so you don't want to debate
about who is rich.

Payton's possibly h*m*.
He had sex with me and my boyfriend.

He seemed more interested
in my boyfriend than me.

Okay, that was your idea,

and if you wanna make this race
into a referendum on sexual fluidity,

you're gonna lose.

Elliott, Astrid is a raging bigot,

who's very uncomfortable
with her own bi-curiousity,

and she's pretty sure
she's gonna lose this race.

Payton is a psychopath
who was actually in the room

when River sh*t himself,
which, by the way,

no one has ever gotten answers
as to why exactly that was.

Now you're running your mouth
about sh*t you don't know about!

And where were you? Huh?
Why don't you tell me?

What exactly was so friggin' pressing
that you couldn't be bothered?

- [whispers] Hey, can I talk to him?
- [whispers] Yeah, but keep it down.

[softly] Hey.

I'm sorry about what happened
in the lunchroom.

If I tell you I'll vote for you,
will you leave me alone?

Yes.

Did you know that there were
two researchers at Stanford University

who discovered that
if you could get someone to say out loud

that they're gonna vote,
then they're like...

twice as likely
to actually go through with it?

So, you want me to say it then?

Well, I'd rather just have someone
waiting for you outside from my campaign.

They can walk you to the polls
as soon as you're done here.

[sighs] I'm not an idiot.

Oh, no. I do not think that you are.

I just think that you're unmotivated.

I think that you think: What's the point
in voting when no matter who wins,

- your life doesn't change?
- [scoffs]

So, help me motivate you.

Why don't you tell me the stuff
that would make a difference to you?

What do you care about?

I think students here
should have their own bathrooms,

just like the teachers do.

So you can lock the door.

Not worry about people coming in and out,
banging on the stall doors,

interrupting.

Yeah. It's not very cost effective,
but I do understand the attraction.

Many of us have stage fright when it
comes to going in front of other people.

Hey, what about the class divide
at this school?

You live over on Hermosa Road?
Right? What many would consider...

"the other side of the tracks"?

Think the school focuses too much
on the well-to-do kids?

[snorts] Yeah.

Can you elaborate on that a little?

Ju...

Just sort of say more about it?

I dunno.

I think the vending machines here
are kinda bullshit.

I mean, why should Sun Chips
be a buck less than Peanut M&Ms?

And we should be able to buy
Flamin' Hot Cheetos if we want.

A libertarian.

I just don't like getting ripped off.

I can talk to the administration about
making changes to the vending machines.

Maybe... Maybe a subsidy
for low-income students.

Yeah, whatever. Maybe you will.

Maybe you won't.

Hey, Elliott...

I care.

[bell rings]

[students chattering]

[sobbing]

Oh, dear, why are you crying?

They won't let me vote.

I lost my student ID,
and they won't let me vote without one.

I'm Georgina Hobart.

I'm Payton's mother,
and you come with me right now.

This young lady would like to vote.

She can't without a student ID.
Those are the rules.

Otherwise, they'd bus in a bunch of kids
from other schools to vote illegally.

That's insane.

She's clearly a student here.

I don't know her. Do you know her?

Maybe.

Are you in my trig class?

[girl] I don't take trig. I'm a freshman.

Uh, excuse me. Yoo-hoo!

Young man.
Could you come over here, please?

Do you know this young lady?

I don't think so.

Do you know him?

No.

[Georgina] Do you know him?

- No.
- No.

Wait...

- No.
- [Georgina] Oh, for God's sakes.

What kind of a school community is this?
Does anyone know anyone?

You know what? Forget it.

This isn't worth it.

Forget it?

People have fought and d*ed
for your right to vote.

Haven't you ever heard
of Chaney, Goodman, and Schwerner?

Do they go here too?

They were k*lled by the Ku Klux Klan
for registering voters in Mississippi.

Whoa, whoa, lady.
Are you sayin' we're the Klan?

I'm saying this is voter suppression
and it's illegal.

This school has to be a model,
not only for all other schools,

but for our country as a whole.

I wasn't going to vote
for your son anyway.

Well, it's the principle of the thing.

Maybe we can have her
submit a provisional ballot.

And if she can prove that she goes here,
then we'll count the vote.

No.

She will vote today.

Have you ever heard of the 15th Amendment?

Would you like to go through that
line by line?

Elliott, Kris. Could I talk to you
about Astrid... [grunts]

[groaning, gasping]

[pounding at door]

[mother] Dinner!

Don't wipe it on the drapes again.
They're turning stiff as shutters.

Use a sock like a normal kid.

You know, Marco Polo brought spaghetti
from China to Italy.

They didn't have spaghetti before that.

If I had a car, I'd have a license plate
that said VEGAN4LIFE.

[father] Who'd you guys end up voting for
in the election?

I wrote in Daniel Andreas.

He's a militant animal rights activist
on the FBI's Ten Most Wanted List.

Does he go to your school?

[snorts] No.

- [mother] When do you hear who won?
- [Chippy] Tomorrow. I think.

Maybe it was today, but I didn't hear.

[father] How about you, Elliott?

I didn't vote.

My vote doesn't matter anyway.

[theme music plays]