02x02 - Conscious Unthroupling

[bunniefuu]

Why are you wearing that?

Because we are d*ck-deep in
some serious espionage, missy.

Can't take any chances.

Okay, but that outfit
makes you stand out more.

- You ladies know what you'd like?
- Please. I'd love...

Give us a minute, please.

So, you know, and I know,

and Payton knows about
Dede and the throuple,

and he knows that we know that he knows.

Yeah, right.

Well, guess what I just found out

from a dear friend

who runs a certain city desk

and gets real chatty after
a couple of martinis.

Payton just sat down to
lunch with a reporter

from the New York Times.

Not Field & Stream,

the New York Times.

So, what do you got for me?

I presume this is about
Senator Standish?

Mm-hmm.

All I can say is it's big.

You can't tell me what it is?

Just that it's coming.

Save some space for a Sunday drop,

get it online, and I guarantee you,

it'll be the top of every newscast
when cameras roll Monday morning.

That depends on what it is.

Give me a hint.

Health care? Campaign finance violation?

More like the destruction
of a political icon.

It'll be your exclusive.

Sunday morning.

If that story comes out,
Dede's career is over,

which means my career is over.

But I don't understand.
Did he tell her what it was?

Well, the story hasn't dropped,
so either (A) he did,

and they're sitting on the story
until they can confirm it's legit,

- or (B)...
- [WAITER] So, what'll it be?

One minute, please.

Please, can we order?

This place has a Michelin
star, and I'm starving.

- I can bring some charcuterie or...
- I said, one minute.

... or (B) he didn't
tell her what it was

because he's got nothing but your word,

and he knows the Times
is gonna need more.

So he's trying to butter her up,

get her salivating until
she comes to him,

begging him to let her run it.

Either way, we get a little time to
generate some countermeasures.

Honestly, I'm just very hungry.

Now...

I'm having dinner with
the selfsame reporter...

and I intend to quid pro quo
Payton's tiny little heinie.

So I need to know the
details of that threesome

you and Payton were in.

Right. So, here's the thing,

um, I was looking
through my diary and...

You keep a diary?

[CHORTLING]

I mean, good, in this
particular instance.

But who are you?

I know the date and
approximately what time,

but... that's kind of all I remember.

Aah.

- Are you kidding me?
- I was nervous.

I had a martini and I
borrowed my mom's Xanax,

and the details are kind of... fuzzy.

[HADASSAH] You better
listen up right now, missy.

Your assignment is to
sit down with Payton,

light a few candles,
get him liquored up,

flesh out the details,
and get it on tape. Got it?

Yeah, okay.

Wait, are you leaving?

I can't afford to eat here!

[SUFJAN STEVENS'S "CHICAGO" PLAYING]

♪ I fell in love again ♪

♪ All things go, all things go ♪

♪ Drove to Chicago ♪

♪ All things know, all things know ♪

♪ You came to take us ♪

♪ All things go, all things go ♪

♪ To recreate us ♪

♪ All things grow, all things grow ♪

♪ We had our mindset ♪

♪ All things know, all things know ♪

♪ You had to find it ♪

♪ All things go, all things go ♪

[BEEPS]

It's Wednesday the th.
Andrew-has-dirt meeting

in an office that I
cannot believe is his.

You get the best office when
you start bringing the goods,

and as far as I can tell,
I'm the only one doing that.

Seeing as how Payton's down points,

you're really sh1tting the bed.

Okay, Andrew, just tell us what it is.

Sit back and open your
ears so I can blow them,

because I have... the tapes.

[GARBLED STATIC, DISTORTED VOICES]

I understand that the
quality is very poor.

You have to, like, put your ear

right up next to it and listen
to it a bunch of times.

Not to worry, because
I have a transcript.

It all started when Dede
walked into Hadassah's office,

shut the door, and said
something very unexpected.

[DEDE] Hadassah, we need to talk.

William is back living with us.

Neither Marcus nor I

are willing to give him
up, and that's that.

Now, I know this is going
to infuriate you...

Infuriate? Oh, no, Dede,

that's not the word.

The word is... destroy.

You are destroying me.

I am a f*cking puddle
of water on the floor.

- You have wicked-witched me! [PANTING]
- I'm sorry, Hadassah, but we...

Have you ever once
thought for one second

about everything I sacrificed for this?

For you? For your career?

- Of course I have! You know that I have!
- Oh, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!

- I have never had love in my life.
- Oh...

No. No, no. Okay, that
one year I was married,

but I never loved him.

Do you know that I could have
married Peter Jennings in '?

- What?
- We had a torrid affair.

He was the love of my life.

But I said no.

I gave it up for this life with you,

and I never once complained about it.

That just came with the job.

But you want to throw it all away

because you got that
tickle in your loins?

You know what? What about me?

- What about you?
- You don't care.

And you can't even see how
destructive you're being.

Of course I care.

- Know what?
- I'm not being destructive.

You know what?

All this time, I'm the one
who's been in the throuple.

- What?
- You,

me,

and your career.

- What are you doing?
- Well,

now you're the one
throwing the career away,

so, thank you.

I can finally...

move on.

- Please, Hadassah. Please, don't do...
- It's over! I quit!

She went home and watched every
single Nancy Meyers movie,

even the bad ones.

What are you talking about?
There are no bad ones.

Mmm, agree. I just watched The Intern,

and you know what? Great movie.

[JAMES] She wrote Father
of the Bride. Perfect film.

Know her daughter's started making them?

The Reese Witherspoon one, totally good.

It's 'cause people really
wanna live in those kitchens.

Hold on. No way.

Get over yourself, Payton.
They're good movies.

No, I mean,

Hadassah has been working with
Dede for her entire career.

She's not just gonna walk away.

Correct, bitch.

The very next morning, Hadassah returned

with a tearful apology

and a brand-new plot to destroy you.

I realized something last
night. It's complicated,

and something's gotta give.

It's your personal life, not mine.

And you're allowed to lead
it however you choose.

I... I really appreciate that.

[HADASSAH] If any of this gets out,

it destroys years'
worth of hard work,

- yours and mine.
- I know.

So... [SIGHS]

... I have come up with a plan

that will keep William close to you

and skirt any and all
rumors about this...

throuple.

Okay.

We pretend William and I are a couple.

We've been secretly
dating for three years.

I have a guy doctoring old photos,

and a Page Six photographer

who's going to catch us going
into my apartment tomorrow night.

I've booked an interview
with Women's Wear Daily,

where I'm going to talk about
why I kept it secret for so long

and how women in May-September romances

- shouldn't feel any shame...
- You mean May-December.

Kiss my ass, Dede.

May-November, at most.

- Late November.
- Week before Thanksgiving, okay, bitch?

[LAUGHING]

[HADASSAH] Anyway, after that...

anything comes out about a throuple,

I mean, like... particularly,
just a rumor or, I mean, no proof,

no... no photos...

is going to seem like...

[PANTING SOFTLY]

... like a desperate, ageist

political smear. [SIGHS, SNIFFLES]

So, what do you think?

I think you really do love me,

don't you?

Yeah.

I do.

Now, unfortunately,
that's all I can tell you,

because that bitch who works at
the front desk switched her meds

and destroyed my spy cam.

[DEDE] Because it's incredibly
sexist, that's all.

That's what I'm... That's
what I'm talking about...

I hate cats.

- [THUD]
- [PARTS CLATTERING]

Sure, I can get a little
Statue of Liberty

wearing sunglasses in
there soon, but for now,

there's only two cats in play:

one at Dede's house
and one at Hadassah's.

Now, there's still the
matter of payment.

We're already paying you.

Where's my date with Infinity?

She's agreed to meet with you
for five minutes next Friday.

Good. You're all free to go.

[DEDE] So, I told her I...

I couldn't agree to anything
until the three of us spoke.

It's just...

- That's her plan.
- [MARCUS SCOFFS]

So...

what... what do you think?

Well, to start with, what do you think?

I think it's a way for
us to stay together

without having to break up,

and... [BREATHES DEEPLY]

... quite frankly, it's humiliating.

Now, that is what I think. Humiliating.

How many mistresses have been
in and out of the White House

in the past years?

It is hypocritical, it is unfair,

- it is...
- And it's temporary.

It's just through the
election and the VP pick.

Once... Once we're through
with all that, we can...

we can figure something else out.

- I... I don't...
- Well, Marcus, we...

- No.
- [SPLUTTERING]

I... [SIGHS]

This is the hardest thing in
the world. I know, and I...

Here. And I don't...
I don't like putting my career

ahead of my life,

but I also know

that there is something
great for all three of us

on the other side of the horizon
if we can just stick it out

until we get there.

[MARCUS] Okay. Okay.

There you are.

Sorry I'm late.

- We good?
- Yeah.

- Hello, darling. I missed you.
- Hi.

So this is how it's going to go.

William and I are going to leave.
There's paparazzi at the apartment.

We're gonna tell them we
spent all day bird-watching,

which you got me into,

and then we went out and bought
matching workout clothes

for SoulCycle, which I
got you into. Got it?

Oh, marvelous. Okay.
Well, gotta go. [CHUCKLES]

Here we go. Come on, Sasquatch.

- [WILLIAM] Now?
- Yep.

Damn. Where is that guy?

- I'm freezing my ass here.
- I...

- You can't count on anybody anymore.
- This is stupid.

- [WILLIAM] Oh!
- Oh! No! No photos, please!

Hadassah, are you two a couple?

You know what?
I'm so sick of you vermin.

Yes, okay? We are!

We've been dating for three years, okay?

Now, please, just leave us alone.

Really great work back there, deaf-mute.

- [DOOR SHUTS]
- Home sweet home. Kitchen, my room,

view of Central Park.

- Where's my bedroom?
- Oh.

Your bedroom's right here,
within the imaginary walls

that directly abut this sofa.

Okay. I just thought it'd
be a little bit bigger.

Well, I'm sorry. I grew
up a working-class kid

in Paramus, New Jersey,

and I possess a certain
trait called thrift,

which means that I prefer a
smaller jewel box of a home

that I can actually afford.

- Now, good night, sweetheart.
- Ooh!

Love you to bits.

- You're angry.
- [SIGHS]

I just don't like to be
excluded, that's all.

To be on the receiving end
of a very elaborate lie.

I get it.

And I'm sorry we hid it from you

and that you found out the way you did.

That would've been really hard.

If it's any consolation, you're
handling it better than I would've.

- Well, I... I appreciate that.
- It's okay.

- I'll get you a duvet.
- Okay.

- [MUTED SIRENS WAIL IN DISTANCE]
- [SOFT KNOCK AT DOOR]

[WILLIAM] Hadassah?

- May I help you?
- Yeah, so, um...

do you have a night-light?

No. No, I don't have a night-light.

Okay, 'cause this is embarrassing.

Um, I'm kind of afraid of the dark.

That's weird, I'm working
through it in therapy.

[SIGHS] Just turn on the lights.

No. But see, I can't
sleep in full light either.

I need the room to be dim but not dark.

Turn on the phone,
the flashlight on your phone.

I tried that. It doesn't work.
It feels like a tiny man

with a flashlight pointed at me
is standing there and staring.

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

[WILLIAM] Hadassah.

- What?
- Can I just sleep in your bed?

[GASPS] What? Are you crazy?

I'm not used to sleeping alone.
It's part of the problem.

The fear of the dark
thing totally goes away

if I'm with someone. I...

[BOTH SIGHING]

Okay, how about this?

You grab your duvet.
You can sleep on the floor.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, my God,
thank you so much.

Hey, you go back to bed, and
I'll get myself situated, okay?

Not at the foot of the bed.

You're not my dog.

Lay over here.

[WILLIAM] Okay, thank you.

So, and this is the
last thing, I promise.

- What?
- Shouldn't we get to know each other?

If we've been dating for three years?

Like, if somebody asks us?

And you want to do this right now?

Well, I don't know. Paramus, huh?

Was it nice?

Like Paris.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

It was all right.

We didn't have much.
My father was a butcher.

So we never went hungry. What about you?

Well, I was a twin.

Oh, my God, there are two of you?

No, he d*ed when I was three days old.

Jeez, I'm so sorry.

Oh, that's horrible. I'm sorry.

It's okay. It's okay. Obviously,
I don't remember him, but, um...

but they say that everything
that happens to you

before you turn three,

that's how your emotional
life is shaped.

So, you actually do remember it,

just in a different way.

I never heard that before.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

You... You're sh1tting me!

So, I forgot my lines, and I'm
standing there out onstage,

so I just start saying lines
from a different musical.

[LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY]

I can't! I can't!

Yeah, no, suddenly Tevye
up there's singing

about how there's gonna
be trouble in River City.

Oh, God, I gotta pee!

And then the pit band starts
playing along, and...

- [HADASSAH LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]
- [ALARM RINGS]

[HADASSAH COUGHING]

[WILLIAM] Okay?

- You're okay.
- Oh, Lord. Oh, I cannot believe that.

I have never laughed
like that in my life.

- And now it's time to go to work! I...
- [LAUGHING]

- [WILLIAM CHUCKLES]
- [LAUGHS, SNIFFS]

Oh, God.

I'm so glad we did this.

Oh, gosh, me too.

No, I... I mean, I...

I'm... I'm glad we're...
we're doing this.

[WILLIAM] Yeah.

This is fun.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Okay. I'm gonna shower
first, and then you, okay?

[WILLIAM] Okay.

What if it's a snow-cone truck,
but then when you go to lick it,

it's dry ice, and it starts melting,

and the cups say,
"Remember when there was ice?"

First of all, dry ice doesn't
melt, it sublimates.

And if you lick dry ice,
you'll burn your tongue.

- We'll get sued.
- [SKYE] James,

there's no "no" in a brainstorm.

Fine, then let's keep
pitching insane ideas

about having a rally about
how hot the planet's getting

when it's fall and freezing.

Would you please stop spouting
right-wing talking points

that deliberately confuse
weather with climate, James?

I guess I'm having trouble
getting it up for an issue

that is not a priority

for voters in this district
or the country at large!

Payton is finally
passionate about something.

We need voters to see that, okay?

It doesn't matter what
the issue actually is.

[JAMES] Okay, fine,

snow cones it is.

I can't wait to go out
in the freezing cold

in my overcoat and lick
tongue-burning dry ice

and then hit the ER.

Okay, time-out.

Everyone's getting hangry.
What are we gonna do for lunch?

- [MCAFEE AND JAMES] Pizza.
- What kind?

- Barbecue chicken.
- Hawaiian.

- No, barbecue chicken.
- No, Hawaiian.

- I'm fine with that.
- [JAMES] "I'm fine with that" means

"I also think barbecue sauce
on pizza is disgusting,

so I'll just quietly eat
all of James's pizza,"

and then I'll get, like, one slice.

Dude, you did not just make a
comment on my eating habits.

[MCAFEE SOBBING]

[MCAFEE] It's not what
you think. Nobody d*ed.

Let me rewind a second
to my life one year ago.

Yes, I was busting my ass
to graduate Columbia early.

Yes, I spent most of my time studying,

but I had hobbies.

I had an exercise routine.

Most importantly,
I had a bunch of friends

and a bunch of dates.

Did I keep these mostly
women but also some guys

at arm's length because I
didn't want anything serious?

Yes.

- But my full life felt full.
- f*ck that.

- f*ck you!
- I had balance.

Last year, James was a junior at NYU.

He got really good at squash,
which was so weird.

He got really into the
underground punk scene.

He had a relationship with a CPA
who looked exactly like Alice

that he ended pretty quickly,

but again, balance.

Mmm. Okay, let's take a
look at your term paper.

[MCAFEE] Skye was the
firebrand on campus,

where it sounds like you're
actually encouraged

to date your professors.

And she did some speaking
engagements at local high schools.

I guess what I'm saying is,

it doesn't matter how
frustrated you get.

Poisoning people just isn't the answer.

[MCAFEE] She'd soon find herself
working for the man she poisoned,

but again, balance.

Fast-forward to now.

We all started working for Payton

and fell into a super toxic dynamic:

working, eating, watching
Netflix, passing out.

This is every night.
That is why I'm crying.

I don't get it. That's Kaley Cuoco.

Yeah, she's on a date. [GASPS, SNIFFLES]

Tomorrow, I'm going out.

I'm going out to dinner, and
then I'm going to see a play.

- That sounds great. What are we seeing?
- You're not invited.

I am removing myself

from this toxic friend triangle,

and I am going on a date
with someone from Tinder.

And then I'm going to have
sex with that person.

Goodbye!

[ASTRID] River's been
gone for three years,

and I still think about him every day.

He was such a good person.

Not like us.

- No offense.
- Mmm.

None taken.

I think he thought we were
good people, though.

I don't think I'll ever find anyone
who sees me like he saw me.

I miss watching him shower
but mostly miss being loved

and seen like that.

[SIGHS SOFTLY]

My shrink says I haven't
processed his death properly,

but I think it's just 'cause so
much of my memory is so blurry.

Had a pretty impressive
drug problem at the time.

What were you on?

Ambien, Xanax, Klonopin.

The advantage of having a mother
who's always high on pills

is she can never remember
how many she's taken,

- so it's easy to steal from her.
- [PAYTON CHUCKLES]

Not that she wouldn't have
just given them to me, anyway.

[PAYTON SNIFFS]

I don't remember our threesome.

Really?

You seemed very present and into it.

Faking it is my superpower.

Will you tell me about it? In detail?

Like, did we do it more than once?

No, just the one time.

We got a hotel room so we could
be sure no one disturbed us.

We did some sh*ts of
Everclear to calm down.

We were all a little nervous.

River suggested that we might loosen up

if we danced to the Psychedelic Furs.

As usual, he was right.

[THE PSYCHEDELIC FURS'
"HEARTBREAK b*at" PLAYS]

I think we both just
wanted to make him happy.

And he seemed to really
enjoy watching us, so...

I kissed you,

and we were all making out on the bed.

I was on top of you,

then he moved behind me.

[ASTRID] God, did he
put it in your butt?

I thought he was going to, but...

he didn't.

I think he was thinking about it,

but then I looked down at your face,

and you suddenly got... really angry.

[ASTRID] Then what happened?

Nothing. You locked
yourself in the bathroom.

He knocked on the door for a few minutes

until you let him in.

You guys talked in there
for a while, and then...

you both left.

Wait, so no one actually had sex
that night? No penetration at all?

No.

They always say that's the
problem with a threesome.

Someone always ends up in tears.

That night, you and I both did.

[ASTRID] Why did you cry?

I wasn't attracted to River in
that way. I just wanted to feel...

close to him.

You know, to feel...

intimate with him.

And...

it didn't happen.

Why'd you cry?

All I know is that after that
night, I knew without a doubt...

he loved you more than
he could ever love me.

I threatened to out him.

Even though I knew
he wasn't gay, either.

I don't even think he was bisexual.

That still haunts me.

I want to believe it had nothing
to do with his su1c1de.

I knew he wasn't gay.

He just wanted to be close to everyone.

And we just wanted to be close to him.

So, I'm actually points down now,

which means that even if
Dede Standish were to die

between now and the election,

I probably still couldn't
make up the ground. So...

what would you do? [SIGHS HEAVILY]

- I'm sorry.
- No, I...

I just... Don't you think that being
together would be the closest

we could get to being with him again?

He loved us both.

He's gone, Astrid.

- [WHISPERS] Sorry.
- No.

[ALICE] I don't trust her.

I didn't... I didn't kiss her back.

I know. I saw.

- You've been following us?
- Following her,

just like I've been doing all week.

She's up to something.

She keeps a weird schedule and
took a spin class with Hadassah.

Do you think she's working
as a double agent?

What did you two talk about tonight?

Uh, the threesome that
we had with River.

- What about it?
- Uh, details.

She said that she didn't
remember anything.

Do you think that she's
feeding dirt to Hadassah?

[ALICE SIGHS]

- Possibly.
- [PAYTON SCOFFS]

Astrid has no moral center
or emotional permanence.

Her allegiances lie

with whoever makes her
feel good in the moment.

She can't be trusted.

She can only be managed.

We need to begin an affair with her,

at least until the election.

She clearly lusts for you,
considering that goodnight kiss,

and she's got major lady-boner
vibes for me, I can tell.

Oh, God, you're brilliant.

Okay. What's our next step?

You just follow my lead.

Now take me home and make
love to me immediately.

[ALICE SIGHS]

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

- McAfee?
- David, hi. Come on in.

You actually look like your
profile, so, thank you.

- Um, not a serial k*ller, right?
- Nope. You?

No. Good.

Um, would you like a glass of wine?

[DAVID] That'd be great.

- Uh, I brought edibles. You want one?
- Yes, thank you.

[PHONE CHIMES]

[PHONE CHIMES]

- Uh... So, what do you do?
- [PHONE CHIMES]

I am chief strategist for
the Payton Hobart campaign.

He's running against Dede
Standish for state senate.

Cool. He's got his work cut out for him.

I never understood why
states have senates.

It makes sense on the federal
level but not for the states.

- [CHIMES]
- I think all states

should have a unicameral
legislature like Nebraska.

- Pieces of sh*t!
- Whoa, what happened?

My friends left the text chain.

So, I'm in, like, a super
toxic relationship

with some of my work friends,

and so I was like, "You know
what? No, I'm gonna go see

Studs Terkel's Working musical
with some hot guy," you.

And then they go and do that.

[CHUCKLES] And I'm like, "Of course,
they're trying to control me,"

so I am going to do one better...

and block them...

on... Instagram.

[SOFT BEEP]

So, what were you saying?
You're from Nebraska?

No.

- [MCAFEE] So what do you think?
- It's really good.

It's kind of an interesting
throwback to that leftie, mid-'s,

you-are-what-you-do sort of
thing. It feels kinda dated...

No way. Skye, what are you doing here?

Seeing Studs Terkel's Working.
Same as you, evidently.

Quit stalking me, okay? This isn't cool.

Will you get me a beer and
tell me your name again?

It's Susan. You've asked me
that three times tonight.

I am not stalking you. You didn't
tell me where you were going.

[JAMES] What the hell?

Wait, how did we all end up here?

Been wanting to see
this since it opened.

No way. That would be
an insane coincidence.

Not really. I mean,
if there is a musical

that three Democratic political
operatives all wanted to see,

it would be Studs Terkel's Working.

- So...
- Is this your date?

- What's his name?
- Hey,

- I'm...
- You don't get to know his name.

Hey, so this show's,
like, not very good,

and it looks like a lot
of people are leaving.

We should go to the front
row and sit together.

No way. I am on a date. Come on.

Payton told me you tried to kiss him.

I meant no offense to you, Alice.

You were honestly the
last thing on my mind,

- in a nice way.
- I don't care.

Payton's charisma is my burden to bear

as much as it is his.

And I understand that most men

with Payton's ambition
need the attention

and affection of more than one person.

Still...

Payton and I are a couple...

which is why I think if he's
going to have sex with you...

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

... I should be there.

And if we are going to
participate in activities

that could create negative headlines,

we need to make sure that all
parties involved can be trusted.

Payton and I trust you.

And we would like to have sex with you.

- You want to have sex with me?
- Yeah.

I thought I was happy
with Marcus and Dede.

I'm so special to both of them,

but I didn't realize
until I was out of there

and with someone without dual loyalty,

someone who gave all
the attention to me,

just how lonely I was.

I don't want to be the
favorite child anymore.

I wanna be an only child.

Are you saying I'm your mother?

[LAUGHS] No.

Mmm. Um, I'm saying

that you make me feel

like I am the only person in this world.

I want to make you feel that way too.

Gosh, that's awful sweet, but...

is that the only reason you want me?

- This isn't just about me.
- [ALICE] Mmm.

I've told Alice that you've
been feeling a little bit...

vulnerable.

You've been struggling, and
we want to be there for you.

Okay, I can dig it. But I
have some ground rules.

No eye contact.

No kissing after oral,

and dirty talk is encouraged,
but nothing vulgar.

Anything else?

We leave the bathroom light on
and the door open just a cr*ck.

I want enough illumination
to see what's going on

but not so much that I feel
I'm performing Oh! Calcutta!

- on the platform at Grand Central.
- Totally understand.

Cuddle time after has to be at least
the duration of the act itself,

and I'm not liable for any
injuries you may incur...

physical or emotional.

[HADASSAH INHALES SHARPLY]

- What, what, what?
- To be honest,

it's been a while since I did this.

I'm married to my job.

I have been for years.

I know, Hadassah.

[HADASSAH] Mmm.

But for once in your life,

let's make tonight all about you.

[HADASSAH] Oh...

Mmm...

[MCAFEE] Great.

The new Morning Consult poll
has Payton down by points.

[DAVID] Hey, thanks for tonight.

It was nice meeting you.

Uh, David, wait a second.
I'm... I'm sorry about tonight.

I was distracted kind
of the whole night,

- and that's on me.
- It's all good.

Can I make it up to you by inviting
you up and then we have sex?

Yeah. Sure.

[MCAFEE PANTING]

- [PHONE VIBRATING]
- Sorry.

[PHONE CHIMING]

- Okay.
- One sec. [GRUNTS]

- [PHONE CHIMES]
- Do you need to take that?

Um, no, I'm just texting James.

I... I think I do remember him...

[PANTING] ... saying that he
wanted to go see Working,

which is probably what gave me the idea.

So, that means they
weren't really stalking me.

If anything, we were...
subconsciously stalking each other.

And...

- sent! Sorry.
- [PHONE CHIMES]

Turning this off.

So where are you from? Not Nebraska.

[MCAFEE PANTING]

- [JAMES SHOUTS OUTSIDE] McAfee!
- Jesus, sorry!

[JAMES] Oh, my God. Are you there?

McAfee, are you home?

You guys, this is not cool.
I'm on a date.

Wait! He's up there?

Yes! We're having sex!

- [JAMES] Is it good?
- You don't get to know that!

Yes, I do!

- Good night!
- [DOOR BUZZES]

[SKYE] I think he just left.

[MCAFEE] Wait! Where are you going?

You guys are really
unhealthy, you know that?

Wait! Yes, I know!
That's my whole point!

So, can we come up?

Eleven states.

That's all I need.

If I flip Texas and Georgia,

and I eke out a win in
Florida... poof...

the other eight are easy pickings.

I can still be president
of all states,

just as long as I win.

I'm just gonna come out and ask.

Are you thinking of anyone
else for the VP slot?

You heard something?

No, no, but you're a transactional man.

And...

maybe you're seeing that you need
some more help in North Carolina,

or maybe California even,

and would want to pick a
running mate from there.

You just take care of your senate race,

and everything's gonna be fine.

I think you're rethinking your offer.

I don't judge it.
It's what I would be doing.

But if you're gonna flip those states,

you're gonna have to turn
out the young voters

who've never voted before,

and maybe you think that you need

an exciting, younger
woman to help with that.

You misjudge me.

I don't blame you.

I present an image of a
buttoned-up workaholic.

And as a woman in politics,
I've had to do that,

but I haven't been honest with you...

about my personal life.

For the last ten years, I've
been in a committed throuple

with two men: my husband
and our partner, William.

What?

You said you had no
skeletons in your closet.

I don't think it needs to be a skeleton.

I think we can use it to our advantage.

Perversion doesn't sell in Peoria.

It does if you're under .

And that's the voting block
that you're going for.

The kids now, they're fluid.

They're polyamorous.

They share rides,
apartments, boyfriends.

And let me tell you,

women ages to will
be saying, "You go, girl"

when they step into the
voting booth to vote for us.

- I don't buy it.
- Well, you don't have to.

Because I've had our pollsters conduct
a secret poll on the subject,

and percent of women
over have said

that they are more likely to vote

for a woman who proudly
owns her sexuality.

It's the next level in the women's
empowerment movement.

I can't believe Hadassah
agrees with you on this.

She doesn't know I'm telling you.

I'm tired of hiding in the shadows,

not being who I am.

I just need to know one thing.

If I come out with this
and my numbers go up,

what happens then?

I don't give a rat's ass

if you're screwing the
entire offensive line

of the New York Giants.

If your numbers are high, you're in.

If they go down,

then you and I have never met.

So...

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

... what's the skinny?

Nothing.

I can't remember a three-way
because there wasn't one.

[HADASSAH SIGHS]

I know when someone's lying.

Years of working in politics have
honed my sense of smell for liars.

They give off a distinctive musk,

and you reek like you've been
bathing in canard cologne.

Believe what you wanna believe.
I'll keep spying for you.

- I'll let you know if I hear anything.
- No, you won't.

You're back with them... for now.

You'll be back with me as
soon as they let you down

or I offer you some shiny
new thing that distracts you

from that black hole where
your heart is supposed to be.

Yeah,

I dug up the dirt on
you, too, sweetheart.

You're just like your mother,

selling it to whoever's paying.

You're fired as my mole.

Take your Strawberry Shortcake
backpack out of here.

Come back if you ever decide
who you actually are.

- Where is he?
- In a cab,

two minutes away.

I can't believe I'm going to say this,

but we haven't hung
out properly in a day,

and I feel like I'm missing a limb.

Can we please do dinner
and Friends tonight?

- Yes, I would love that.
- That'd be awesome.

[PHONE CHIRPS]

[LAUGHS]

Look at this from Astrid. "Can the
three of us do dinner tonight?"

I was right. Astrid doesn't know
who she is or what she wants.

If we keep her close,
make her feel loved,

- she's ours.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]

[PAYTON] And then our runway's
clear to drop the throuple b*mb.

I'm two steps ahead.

I confirmed brunch with the Times,

- Sunday at : at the Four Seasons.
- [SIGHS] Oh. I love you.

[ALICE MOANS]

Once this gets out, I'm the
candidate with all the morals

and all the momentum.

- We'll win.
- Mmm.

Go get 'em, tiger.

[PAYTON] Whoo.

[CROWD CHEERING]

[CROWD] Payton! Payton! Payton! Payton!

[CHANTING CONTINUES]

[PAYTON] Yes, exactly, exactly.

So, my friends, if you...

if you want to see this
beautiful carousel submerged

under four feet of storm surge
after the next big hurricane,

well, then go ahead and
vote for Dede Standish.

[CROWD] Boo!

If you want to see the
ocean emptied of fish

and air unfit to breathe,
a sixth extinction on this planet,

then I'll say it again, by all means,

- vote for Dede Standish, right?
- [CROWD] No!

But, my friends, if the thing
that you want to see

is a real sea change,

a generational revolution

in this city and in this country

that will show the entire world
where our priorities lie

and a bold, aggressive
vision for a better future,

then I beseech you, give me your vote!

- [CHEERING]
- Yeah!

Please honor me with your vote,
and I will lead the way,

because it is time that we
start investing in ourselves,

and it is time that we start
investing in our future.

Thank you very much for being here!

[CROWD CHEERING]

[PAYTON] Thank you!

[PHONE CHIMES]

[CROWD CHANTING] Payton! Payton! Payton!

What? What is it?

Don't know. Gotta get back.
Dede's gonna make an announcement.

- [SIGHS] sh*t. Okay, let's go.
- [ALICE] That was perfect.

Hi, I'm Dede Standish.

After years in public service,

I realize there's a lot
about me that you know.

But as a woman, well,
lately I realized...

that there's a lot you don't know.

You know, we live in a culture that
makes assumptions about people

based on stereotypes,

well, outdated attitudes of race
and sexual orientation and gender,

and more subtle ones
based on age and sex.

And those stereotypes
are never more apparent

than in a hard-fought
political campaign.

So I wanted to give you a little
insight into the Dede Standish

who has been fighting
for the past years

tooth and nail against
the moneyed interests

in the smoke-filled
back rooms of Albany.

I'm proud to say that
for the past ten years,

I have been in a sexual relationship
with two different men.

A throuple.

Why am I telling you this now?

Because I am so tired
of the political pundits

and the mainstream media
making blithe assumptions

about women who are over ,

as if our lives lacked the drive

and the energy of people
, years younger.

Well, all I have to say
is that women over ,

we are just hitting our stride,

and it is more important now than
ever that our voices be heard, too.

So for those of you

who are feeling now a little
uncomfortable out there,

all I want to say is, just chill out.

Maybe it's time you got hip to

what's really happening
out there these days.

And to all my ladies of a certain age,

you know what I'm talking about.

I'm Dede Standish.

It's been a long day of fighting
hard for the New York th,

so if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go let off a little steam.

[ANNOUNCER] Paid for by the Committee
to Reelect Leader Standish.

[PAYTON] Uh, okay. Um...

Reality check. How did we
not know this was coming?

What about those freaking cats?

All quiet on the cat front.

- The hell does that mean?
- They're not nuclear-powered, dipshit.

- Maybe the batteries ran out.
- [POWERING DOWN]

And in regards to my
date with Infinity...

Stop. Stop talking.

What just happened?

I think she just lost the election.

[ALL CHUCKLING]

[DEDE GASPS]

Oh, my God!

- I got a text from Oprah!
- [MARCUS GASPS]

- The Queen herself?
- [DEDE] Yes!

- [MARCUS] What does it say?
- Here.

- "You go, girl."
- [MARCUS] And you do.

[DEDE KISSING MARCUS]

- Oh! Oh! I knew it. Oh.
- Thank you.

We're up six points since
the throuple announcement.

I knew it.

Voters are tweeting about me. Wait.

They say that I'm... I'm relatable

and real and sexy.

[CACKLING]

Page Six was about to run that
story about William and me.

You should've asked me before
you made that announcement.

Why? Dede couldn't have
pulled it off any better.

This is our life. It's our
choice to talk about it.

True, and I agree, Dede was magnificent.

What I take issue with

is that she made a public
statement without all the facts.

She has put herself very far
out on this throuple limb,

which means she's at risk of someone

sawing that branch off behind her.

- Who would do something like that?
- Me.

- [DEDE] Wha... ?
- Um...

I love you,

I love you,

but I'm never gonna be anything
more than a third wheel

with the two of you.

With Hadassah...

well, um...

I'm her one and only.

Come here.

How could you do this to us?

The heart wants what the heart wants.

But I won't let it get in
the way of the campaign.

The three of you will continue
to be in the throuple

while out in the world.

I guess that sort of thing

is what makes for good
politics these days.

But behind closed doors, oh...

this man is mine.

[WILLIAM] Come here, darling.

After you.

[INSTRUMENTAL THEME MUSIC PLAYS]