02x03 - Cancel Culture

[bunniefuu]

- [OFFICE PHONE RINGING]
- [KEYBOARD CLACKING]

"Sincerely, Hadassah."

Send. Mmm.

- Send, send, send, send, send, send...
- This just arrived for you.

Hope it's not full of anthr*x.

This is for television advertising.

- It's a really big, essential push.
- [DOOR OPENS]

I need you. Now.

[DEDE SIGHS HEAVILY]

Excuse me, gentlemen.

I shall return momentarily.

Listen, you and I need to have
a little one-on-one seminar

about barging into important meetings.

Those guys were about to drop two mil...

Look, you and I are going through
a rough patch, personally,

but I think we're both big enough
not to let it stand in the way.

Look what just arrived in the mail.

- Oh... Hadassah.
- [HADASSAH CHUCKLES]

Let me run with it, please?

Actually,

I'm not asking. We're doing it.

We're up points.

- We've won.
- No, no, no.

We win if I run with this.

It's the final nail in his coffin.

- You really wanna do this?
- Mm-hmm.

Payton's a kid.

You're not satisfied b*ating him?
You wanna ruin his life?

Yes. I think it sends the
right kind of message:

"Dede Standish plays
hardball no matter what,

and she doesn't go easy on
insolent, rich little punks

who never should've run against her."

Sherry, get me Richard
Pell from the Post.

- [SHERRY] Do it yourself.
- [SIGHS]

Fine! I'll call him.

I hate her.

We're destroying him.

You'll thank me later.

[SUFJAN STEVENS'S "CHICAGO" PLAYING]

♪ I fell in love again ♪

♪ All things go, all things go ♪

♪ Drove to Chicago ♪

♪ All things know, all things know ♪

♪ You came to take us ♪

♪ All things go, all things go ♪

♪ To recreate us ♪

♪ All things grow, all things grow ♪

♪ We had our mindset ♪

♪ All things know, all things know ♪

♪ You had to find it ♪

♪ All things go, all things go ♪

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

[GROGGY] Hello?

Are you f*cking kidding me?

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

[ANDREW] Payton...

why do you hate Native Americans?

I'm just saying what
everyone is thinking.

[JAMES] The question
you're gonna be hearing

at every campaign event
for the foreseeable future.

I was six years old.

This is information that would've
been wise to tell your staff about.

That I dressed up for
Halloween when I was six?

[ANDREW] That's my office.

It's cultural appropriation.

[PAYTON] It was a different time, okay?

The idea didn't even exist in
the mainstream ten years ago.

Can't we just say he was dressed
as one of the Village People?

The yearbook caption says he's Geronimo.

Payton, you're gonna have
to do a public mea culpa.

Skye, as Payton's friend,

I think you should stand
by his side on that stage.

You know his heart.
He doesn't see black or white,

or rich or poor. He just sees...

- voters.
- She's not a prop.

Three years ago, I would
have Keyser Söze-ed

every one of you for suggesting this,

but adulthood makes you pragmatic.

We probably aren't gonna
win this election now.

But if we wanna keep having a chance,

then Payton has to get past this.

And Alice is right.
If he stands up there alone

in a colorful Prada suit

like a big bag of Wonder Bread,

then his white ass is toast.

I'll be there by your side.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

But you gotta understand something.

All of you do.

Cultural appropriation

is when members of a dominant group

exploits the culture of
less privileged groups.

You call it borrowing,
we call it stealing.

So, yes, I'm gonna get pissed off

when some basic blonde
Becky on a CW show

about glamorous vampires

puts her hair in cornrows
because it's "fashionable."

There is a thin line between
appreciation and appropriation,

and you've... you've crossed it, Payton.

Thank... Thank you for that, Skye.

You're welcome.

And in return for me
taking you to school...

[PAYTON CHUCKLES]

... you're gonna commit to
going into the neighborhoods

you don't usually canvas

and register young
voters of color with me.

- You got it?
- It'd be my pleasure.

All right.

Now let's go clean up
that mess you made.

Mm-hmm. Yes.

[SIGHS]

Yes, yes. Sunlight is
the best disinfectant.

[OVERLAPPING PROTESTS]

Thank you all for coming.

When I was six years old...

I made a terrible mistake.

I chose to go for Halloween as Geronimo,

that noble native chief,

a freedom fighter who gave his life

in the battle against
oppression and tyranny.

Now, while my intention was
to show my first-grade class

how much I admired Geronimo
as a historical icon,

I realize now that it was
deeply, deeply offensive,

not just to the Native
American community

but to all people in this country

who strive for a multicultural society.

The temptation might be to
say, "What's the big deal?

He was six years old.
He didn't know any better.

He was still a bed-wetter." But...

I'm sorry, that is not
good enough for me.

I should have known better.

I faltered, and I failed.

And for that, I offer
my sincerest apologies

to you, the voter, and to
every single Native American

across this great land.

That I could hurt you or
make you feel less than,

that the clothing of the Bedonkohe
band of the noble Apache

could be worn as a costume...

for this, I truly apologize.

And it's my solemn promise to you today,

I will do better.

[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING]

Thank you all for your time.

[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]

[ALICE] Mmm.

[MAN SPEAKS APACHE]

Should we get Chinese?

First, I have a point of order.

This isn't working for me.

This is about orgasm equality?

Because really, it's not Astrid's
fault that she's multi-orgasmic.

My sexual satisfaction is not the issue.

You're both wonderful.

But I've noticed that
you're giving Astrid

more attention than me lately.

That's not true, is it?

Honestly, when it all gets going,
I can't even tell who's who.

Payton has soft hands like a woman.

It's subtle but... noticeable, and
trending in the wrong direction.

I see where this could be headed,
and I want to bring attention to it

before resentment sets in.

Hey...

I'm so sorry, Alice.

I will balance things out from now on.

See? He's sorry, so
let's not mess with it.

We're all having fun.

So, egg rolls?

I agree. [CHUCKLES]

- Thank you for listening to me about this.
- Mm-hmm.

I know that was a hard conversation.

I could see a way to
get past this, but...

[EXHALES]

... I have conditions.

All right, let's hear them.

I want all of us to rewatch
Gilmore Girls together.

We need to all chip in to buy
higher thread-count sheets

for this bed.

And cuddle time goes from
six minutes to twelve.

I've never actually seen Gilmore
Girls, so that's fine with me.

And I have seen it,
but I'll gladly rewatch.

What do you say we start those
cuddle minutes right now?

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

- Okay.
- [PAYTON CHUCKLES]

[PAYTON SIGHS]

Okay. [CLEARS THROAT]
We are in the homestretch,

and I think it's pretty
clear that climate

is the animating issue for our campaign,

and it's what voters
need to be prioritizing,

even if they don't know it.

So, I want a climate event
every day this week.

Let's go ahead and start brainstorming

what those could be.

Let's see. Um...

[CLUCKING] Okay. Bad pitch.

We get people
dressed like polar bears.

We all lay down on the steps
at City Hall. We moan,

and we pretend to die from
lack-of-salmon hunger.

I'm writing it down.

[PHONES DINGING]

- Did you get that?
- Yeah.

Emerson College poll came out.

It has you down points.

That means the speech
worked. We've stabilized.

Yeah, but, Payton...

I'm gonna lose.

I know. [CHUCKLES]

I know.

Look, this hurts, okay?
I really can't tell you...

[SIGHS] ... I can't tell you how much
this hurts, and I didn't expect

that this is the way that
all of this was gonna end,

but...

but I've known all along that...
that there was probably no way

for me to win this.

You know?

We all knew what this was going in.

We were crazy... to think we
could pull this off. [CHUCKLES]

And we did not...

and that's fine.

Because we were noble
friends, together again.

And we believed in something.

A few years ago,

I mean, if we're being honest,
probably a few days ago,

I would've been pulling out all my hair

and chucking chairs through the windows.

But I guess I've changed.
I'm very proud of what we did here.

I stayed true to who I was,

and I ran the campaign
that I wanted to run.

Who do you think sent the
picture to Dede's campaign?

I don't know.

But I choose to live in
today and what we do know.

So, from this point forward,

ha, no matter how much we... lose by,

I want us focused on the next campaign,

when, hopefully, time
heals all wounds, and...

I am...

uncanceled.

Now, I don't know what that is yet, and,

you know, a part of me doesn't
really care, to be honest,

because as long as I keep fighting

for the issues that I believe in

and I do it in a way that other
people can believe in too,

then...

the campaign will reveal itself.

- [MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY OVER SPEAKERS]
- [PATRONS CHATTERING]

[EXHALES]

- It's so good to see you.
- Hi, Andrew. Don't get up.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Thank you so much for doing this.

I've been dreaming about
this for a long time.

Yes, Payton did say that.

Also, you text me that... a lot.

Sorry about that, but,
you know, I love you, Infinity,

and love is a...
a many-splendored thing.

- Mm-hmm.
- It can drive you a little bit crazy.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

It can, can't it?

Really glad that you brought that up,

um, because this is crazy.

Yeah, and it's not romantic crazy,

it's just crazy-crazy,

and I'm respecting you
enough as a human being

to tell you this in person,

and then this will be the last time
I communicate with you again

- for the rest of my life, okay?
- Wait...

Not finished. When you
text a girl you love her,

you should (A) think, "Is this a
normal thing to say to somebody

who I don't ever see in person?"

And (B) when that person texts you back,

"I'm sorry, I'm just not interested,"

that should really be the end of it.

It's also quite inappropriate

for Payton to have set this
meeting up, don't you think?

Like, I don't know,
a date with me as payment

for some freelance campaign work?

- [WHISPERS] No.
- I do not care

what the rigors of an election may be.

This is extremely upsetting,

- and I told him so.
- [SERVER] Hi.

Would you two like to see a wine list?

No, I... Nope. Nope. No wine, no food.

Thank you.

Look, I have had enough weird, toxic,

borderline-abusive-slash-actually-abusive
male behavior

in my life, Andrew. I dated Ricardo.

So you, my friend, are canceled.

See you never again.

- Ever.
- Infinity, wait. Don't...

[INFINITY] It never ceases to amaze

how good it feels to say no to things.

I'm doing it whenever I can now,

canceling my bad habits.

And I can honestly say

I feel like a new person.

It started a year ago.

I was in Beijing on my book tour,

and I looked out at the city,

- and I couldn't believe what I was seeing.
- [COUGHING]

The air was toxic.

The exhaust from five million cars,

coal plants belching
fumes hours a day...

This planet is the only place in the
universe that we can call home,

and we are trashing it.

In the last years,

we have generated eight
billion tons of plastic,

and it doesn't go anywhere.

What can I do?

- [LOUD BLOWING]
- What can any of us do?

Our future is being dictated

by these enormous global forces
that no one person can control.

The problem is just too massive.

And then I noticed something.

In the three days that I was in Beijing,

I generated three trash
bags full of waste.

The problem didn't exist outside of me.

I was part of it.

At that moment,

I decided

that for one year, I was gonna
live a life of zero waste.

Overnight, I felt like a new person.

If it came in a package,

I didn't buy it.

I carried a tote bag
with a couple of jars,

a reusable coffee cup,

- a metal straw.
- Yay.

Thank you.

I brought my own bags.

Any bottles at home, I reused.

I switched from tampons
to a menstrual cup,

which I actually like way better now.

Huh.

Hey-yay!

Hi.

Oh, I also got a worm farm in
my kitchen, which is so fun.

You'd think it'd smell,
but it doesn't at all.

Bye, you guys.

I even started a compost
group at my local park.

And by the end of the year...

[SIGHS]

... all the waste that I'd generated
fit into a single Mason jar.

And this is not to say
that I'm some sort of hero.

That's the whole point. I am not.

I am just one person doing
something that we all can do.

Real change in this city

and in this country happens
when we look at ourselves

and ask what we can do.

And for me,

going zero waste was literally
the most fulfilling thing

I've ever done in my entire life.

I went from feeling worried

and... and afraid for our future

to feeling hopeful for where
our country is headed.

But I promise you,

the best thing

that each and every one
of us here today can do

is register to vote.

And when we go to the voting
booth on November th,

we can cast our vote for Payton Hobart.

Let us help him enact the kind
of generational change

that this planet needs.

This is an emergency.

But help is on the way.

Ladies and gentlemen,
my dear friend Payton Hobart!

[APPLAUSE]

- She's good.
- I know, right?

Thank you so much, everyone,
and thank you to Infinity.

Such a huge inspiration.

- Thank you.
- I gotta tell you, we've counted,

and there are people in this room

who have registered to vote today

- for the first time.
- Wow!

Can we see a show of hands
of who those people are?

- Well, that deserves a round of applause.
- Yay! Amazing!

- Congratulations, everyone.
- Amazing!

Thank you, guys, for
doing this little follow-up.

[GIGGLES]

Payton,

I believe in this campaign.

I mean, I think you have a
real, unique opportunity

to inspire the voters
that we're gonna need

if we're gonna have any
sh*t at saving this planet.

Yes, exactly. Thank you, and we...
we so appreciate your support.

- It means the world to...
- But I have to say,

at that event, I saw you
both engage in behavior

that I found very disturbing

and will need to be addressed if
you want my support to continue.

Payton,

I saw you take your suit jacket

out of a plastic dry cleaning bag

and put it and the hanger
right in the trash.

That... That's it?

Oh, my God. Yes, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. That was... That was bad.

And I presume you didn't
even bother to take it

to an eco-friendly dry cleaner?

Oh, you... you know what?

- I d... don't think I did.
- M'kay.

So, those chemicals are toxic,
and they're now in the ocean.

Skye,

at the same event,

I saw you chew gum.

Um...

Yes?

Was it a natural gum?

- Probably not. [CHUCKLES]
- So what you had in your mouth

were petroleum by-products:

petroleum wax, butadiene-styrene rubber,

- and polyisobutylene polyvinyl acetate.
- [PAYTON] Ew.

That gum will exist forever.

When the Earth is dead,

that gum will still be there.

Okay, I... I do think that
we know what you're saying.

We could all be doing better.

No, actually, what I'm saying is,

I don't see you doing anything, Payton.

You've taken on this "issue," right?

Possibly in good faith,

but your actions don't
match your rhetoric.

And if that were to get out,

not only would it destroy the
credibility of your campaign

but also the credibility of
the movement as a whole,

and I...

I will not stand for that.

[PAPERS RUSTLING]

- Um, what's that?
- Oh, this is a checklist.

Fifteen simple steps
that you guys can take

to zero out waste and reduce
your carbon footprint

to an absolute minimum.

Hold up. You're asking
me to go zero waste?

And reduce your carbon footprint

to an absolute minimum.
Skye has to, too.

Demonstrate your commitment
to the movement,

or I will tell everybody you're a
fraud, and you will be... [GRUNTS]

- ... canceled.
- Wait, what?

Payton, this is for your own good.

And if you want my support

and the support of my many,
many, many followers,

this is my price.

"Cold showers only, with plug in tub.

Use leftover water for cooking,
cleaning, and drinking"?

Yeah, you just boil it.

I'm vegan now?

- Infinity, this is insane.
- Insanely simple!

I want full compliance in hours.

Oh! Payton, please stop going
around town peddling dates with me

like it's some weird form of currency.

It's gross, and it's toxic, okay?

I'll see you guys later. K, bye!

[SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE]

[DESK PHONE RINGING]

[CACKLING]

Oh, no. Dede! [LAUGHING]

- [DEDE] When is this from?
- [HADASSAH] Don't know.

It looks like somebody
took it off his cell phone.

It couldn't be more than
a couple of weeks ago.

What the hell is wrong with this kid?

He seems to have some kind of
super-specific fetish or something.

Do we have any idea who's
sending us these messages?

Ugh. A gift horse comes
galloping in here,

and you're worried
about who's riding it?

If someone hacked his cell phone,

we are in possession of stolen material.

Okay, okay.

But that doesn't mean we can't
use it to our advantage.

[SKYE] Did you do it?

- Let me see it.
- [MUFFLED] See what?

[CHUCKLES] Don't play dumb.
Let me see it, your checklist.

Why? I did them all.

- Bullshit.
- I swear to God.

Okay. Let's compare
checklists, then, shall we?

Let's see.

Oh, here we are: worm
farm and compost bin.

Hmm. Check, check. Arrived this morning.

The worms are currently eating
the boxes they came in.

You have not handwashed
all your clothing.

Yes, well, this outfit
I am rewearing, so...

I do smell a little bit,

but I'm not breaking rules
because when I wash it,

I will handwash it.

I also turned off the heat in my
dorm room, installed LED lights,

and I got these socks at a thrift shop.

No tissues, so...

- Handkerchief!
- ... handkerchief!

Okay.

Uh, vegan salad.

I got a low-flow showerhead.

I snuck onto the roof of my dorm
and put a rain barrel up there.

Aluminum foil behind the radiators.

Reusable cup, straw, to-go container.

And I paid a handsome sum to the IATA

to offset the carbon emissions from
every flight I have ever been on.

- So, done.
- Wow.

Impressive. [CHUCKLES]

Um... Ooh, let's see.

What about...

number ?

Yeah, no. I think those were all .

Wait, let me see.
I'm just gonna read it.

Uh, "Use your leftover shower water

for drinking, cooking, and cleaning."

Okay. No, Skye, no. I can't do that.

That's insane, all right?

My one pleasure in life is taking
long, hot, masturbatory showers,

and I will not be giving that up,
okay? How's this a problem?

The water gets heated up downstairs
in the f*cking boiler room.

If I don't use it, somebody else will.

Then what? I'm supposed
to save the water

that I've just bathed in so
that I can boil it and drink it?

That's like something out of a
North Korean reeducation camp.

No one should have to do that.

That is not sanitary.

You lying, phony piece of sh*t.

Skye... Skye!

You know who took a cold
shower this morning

and stood in a little bin and boiled
the water that was left over?

- You didn't.
- Oh, I did.

And I made my coffee with it.
And you know what?

That sh*t tasted disgusting!

Okay. We can just say I did it.

m*therf*cker, no!

I had to boil and drink
my own booty water!

If I have to do it, so do you.

- No.
- Get your ass out of that chair.

- We're going to your dorm.
- No way. I'm not doing it.

Wow. Okay, cool.

Guess I'm just gonna
have to call Infinity.

Infinity. That's her number.

I'm dialing, and...

Okay, fine! I'll do it!

Attaboy. And it's the
perfect time of day, too.

A nice cup of booty coffee
gonna perk you right up.

- [SKYE] I'm proud of you.
- Shut up. This is insane.

Okay, okay, you're gonna time
it, right? Just two minutes.

You can do this, Payton.
Pain is all in your mind, you know?

And you're gonna have a nice,
fragrant cup of coffee coming your way.

Shut up. I need to concentrate.

Okay, just turn it on. That's fine.

[PAYTON EXHALES SLOWLY, GROANS]

You do it, okay?
Turn it on. Just turn it on.

- All right.
- [SHRIEKS]

Okay! No, no, no! No, I'm not doing it.

I'm not doing that, I'm not doing that.

- Okay? No.
- Okay. All right.

Not happening.
Don't care what Infinity says.

Can I have the towel? It's freezing.

- Okay, thank you.
- Here.

Ooh! Who in their right
mind would ever do that?

Jesus Christ!

What kind of country is
it we're trying to build?

Know what I mean? It's a moral
question when you come down to it.

Because that was worse
than getting waterboarded.

I cannot stand here and say that anybody

- should subject themselves to that.
- [PHONE RINGS]

And children? What? Mothers
are gonna have their babies

- forced to sit in freezing water?
- You good?

Because, honestly, I'm not here
for that. I'm not here for it!

[EXHALES SHARPLY] Hello?

[DOOR SHUTS]

Payton Hobart is here.

Thank you for coming, Payton.

Please, sit down.

Uh, I do have a campaign to get back to,

so if we could keep this brief.

Of course. [CHUCKLES]

You have a lot of ground to make up.

And if this got out,

it certainly wouldn't help. [LAUGHS]

You can have that.

I have tons of copies, needless to say.

That looks like a pretty recent photo

with a Geronimo headdress

and then the... the Speedo.

[HADASSAH CHUCKLES]

Who sent this to you?

How'd you get this?

A better question, I think, would be...

what's with you and Geronimo?

[SCOFFS]

I'm so sorry, Hadassah.

I'm sorry that I like something.

Sorry that I find
Geronimo inspiring, okay?

Am I a little obsessed with him?

Yeah, actually, I think I kind of am.

Who else's name has become
a literal verb? Hmm?

A w*r cry to ignore danger

and sacrifice yourself if you have to?

The man watched his wife
and children get m*rder*d,

and he still kept fighting.

He fought his entire life for the idea

of an independent Indian nation,

so I am so, so sorry

if polite society says I'm
not allowed to like him.

Okay? I'm so sorry

if sometimes when I feel down,
I like to put the headdress on,

think about Geronimo, okay?

Who he was and what his
life must've been like.

And I... And I feel,

mmm, I don't know, inspired,

and... and... and, I don't
know, powerful even?

- But why the Speedo?
- I look great in the Speedo.

- Yeah.
- Okay? I look great in the headdress.

So I thought, why not try the
Speedo and the headdress?

And you know what? I look awesome, okay?

I think that Geronimo
would agree, actually,

that I look awesome, okay?

I stand by this photo.

You need deep psychological help.

Why don't you put it up already?

Get it over with and put it on Twitter.

We can all just call it a day.

Know what? I'll do you one better,
and I'll put it up myself, okay?

Then we can all just call it a day.

Because I'll tell you one thing:
I will not live in fear!

I have no intention of doing that.

[EXHALES] Well, then,
what the hell am I doing here?

Well, one of your people,

someone on your staff,
I think it was the girl

- with the big Gloria Steinem glasses.
- Yeah. Yeah, the one

who wears the pastel suits.

Looks like a sherbet Diane Keaton,

- which I love.
- Mm-hmm.

She's been digging around,
and it's gotta stop.

She contacted one of my old professors

and tried to get her to go on record

saying that I had
plagiarized a term paper

- on Robert Moses.
- Did you?

N... No.

So, if you don't want this to come out,

call off your dogs.

The campaign is over, and we have won.

You leave us alone,
and we'll leave you alone.

You'll lose this race,

but you'll have a future, okay?

And when I win,

I'll praise your fighting spirit

and set you up for the next campaign.

You got that?

Okay.

Payton,

you ran a good campaign.

You should be proud.

You just aimed a little
too high, that's all.

Start small.

Run for school board or something.
Work your way up.

Aren't you worried about paparazzi
down on the beach spotting us?

We're not as interesting
as you think we are.

At least you're not.

Not yet, anyway.

Aah.

So, the monster's climate change, right?

[GEORGINA] Mmm.

If wild beasts came to California

and started setting everything on fire

and leveling islands
and drowning cities,

you can bet your sweet
bottom nobody would ask

how much it would cost to k*ll them.

I've had the campaign put look-alikes
of us all around the state

to draw the press attention away.

They're like kittens
chasing laser pointers.

It defies every rule of politics

for you to just disappear
this close to an election.

I'm points ahead.

I'm pulling a Garbo.

I've got staffers tweeting
every couple of days

and surrogates doing talk shows.

I'm a mystery.

I'm in love with you.

Oh, God. Please don't be.

I've got some new polling
data, hot off the presses.

I am days away

from when over
percent of likely voters

think it's appropriate for me

to start dating.

No way.

I've had ten doctors look
at my wife's charts.

Her brain is applesauce.

She is never waking up.
It's time for me to move on...

with you.

No more sneaking around,

loads of free press.

You don't think that sneaking
around is the best thing about us?

Not for a second.

Georgina, you are the best thing
that has ever happened to me.

Okay, fine,

but if it doesn't work out,

promise me you will not throw
yourself out a window.

[PAYTON] Thank you for having
this conversation outside.

I don't trust that we
are not being bugged.

Why are you covering your mouth?

[PAYTON] In case there are
lip-readers spying on us.

Mmm? Mm-hmm?

Certainly possible.

- Wait, you really think so?
- No, dumbass.

You're running for state senate,

and you're losing by, like, points.

Nobody cares enough to hire
professional lip-readers

to find out what your next
shrewd political move is.

[PAYTON SCOFFS]

I need to know who's doing this.

The yearbook photo
was your twin brothers.

What? How do you know that?

I mean, I'm gonna need some proof.

Was there fingerprints on the envelope?

[WHISPER] Like, DNA?

I called them, numbnuts.

[LINE RINGING]

- [PHONE RINGS]
- [SIGHS]

[INSTRUCTOR SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

- Hello?
- This is Andrew.

I work on your brother's campaign.
Is now a good time?

No, we're, uh... we're working.

Then why do I hear yoga
sounds in the background?

- What do you want?
- Did you two send

the yearbook picture of
Payton dressed like Geronimo?

- Yes, we did.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]

- They just admitted it?
- I've never met anyone

whose enemies take so much pride

and pleasure in destroying them.

People really hate you.

[PAYTON] Hmm.

Ooh, did you ask if they sent
the photo from my phone?

I didn't have to.

I know they didn't.

- I did my own forensic study...
- Careful.

... of the photograph.

It wasn't hacked from your phone.
Someone took a picture

of the picture. See?

You can see the edges
of your lame phone case

in the top corner of the sh*t.

Oh, my God.

But that's not possible.

Nobody that hates me has been
close enough to my phone.

Unless...

The leak is coming from within.

This is a photo of me
in a Geronimo headdress

and a tight-fitting red Speedo.

I was given this photo

by Dede Standish herself.

Someone in this room sent it to her.

And I would like to know who that was.

Hold on. What makes you
think it was one of us?

Yeah, maybe they figured out
how to hack your phone.

Let's look very closely, shall we?

This is not a hacked image, okay?

A photo was taken of the image by
someone who was holding my phone.

Like all of you, I consider
this device to be an appendage

of my personal body.

- I sleep with it.
- [CONTENTED SIGH]

I shower with it.

The only time that I was
away from my phone

for longer than a
minute in the past week

was two days ago when all of
us were here in this room,

and I saw a rat.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God, there's a rat!

- There's a rat! Jesus!
- [SCREAMING]

[PANICKED CHATTER]

- Ow! f*ck! sh*t!
- [SKYE] Here we go. Here we go.

[PAYTON] While I was out of the room,
somebody went through my phone,

found the image, and took a photo of it,

and I need to know who that was.

What is happening here, you guys?

It was me.

I was feeling... jealous.

[PAYTON] Ow! f*ck! sh*t!

[ALICE] And I wanted to make sure

that there weren't any
photos of you and Astrid

doing something that
we hadn't agreed on.

- Wait, what?
- Sometimes we have sex together

and watch Gilmore Girls.

Deal with it.

I saw that photo, and
I was really confused.

You took that photo just a few days ago,

and... I didn't know what to do,

so I sent it to James.

It's a weird photo, Payton.

After Alice sent it,

I sent it to Astrid, Skye, and
McAfee so we could figure out

if we needed to do an intervention.

Traitors. Traitors, all of you!

We just wanted to know, like,
how often you wear the headdress.

And, like, is it always with the
Speedo, or just, like, sometimes?

But... we kept it in-house.

We didn't leak the photo.

[PAYTON] Hmm.

[MCAFEE] I did.

- What?
- You've gotta be kidding me.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it.
But you lied, Payton.

You gave this whole speech about
how it was just a costume you wore

when you were six,

when this photo proves
that that isn't the case.

This is something you do
all the time, evidently.

You weren't being honest,

and it was going to
come out at some point.

And I figured if we were
giving up on this campaign

and looking to the next one,

then we should get this weird,
Geronimo-in-a-Speedo fetish thing

out of the way now

so that it comes out

during a campaign you're gonna
lose rather than the next one

that you might actually win.

We're done.

Just get out.

Okay? You're canceled.

We've been through this rage
cycle with you two before.

- It's reductive.
- [MCAFEE] Please!

I was trying to do the right thing.
You weren't being honest,

and I wanted the skeletons
out of the closet.

You're fired, McAfee!

Get out!

[SOBS]

[QUICK RETREATING FOOTSTEPS]

[MCAFEE] It was me.
I sent the Speedo photo.

- But why?
- I want to put Payton's campaign

out of its misery.

He's finished, probably for good,

and I'm tired of working for someone

who I know that I'm smarter than.

Also, you were right.

I'm ambitious,

and you saw it the moment you met me.

I did. And like then,

I like your personal style.

I don't care about a state senate seat.

I want to go to Washington.

That's where you and Dede are headed.

I thought by handing you Payton,

I would prove that I could be trusted.

But this doesn't prove that at all.

How do I know you're not some mole?

Because we already have a mole: Andrew.

- [EXHALES SHARPLY]
- You should get rid of him.

- Those cats he gave you, they're bugged.
- [GASPS]

There's one at your
house, one at Dede's.

- [LINE RINGS, CLICKS]
- Sherry, get William on the phone.

Okay, you're hired.

No, Sherry, you do it.

Because it's your job!

Guess I'll find myself a desk.

[OFFICE DOOR OPENS, SHUTS]

[CLATTERS]

[ANDREW GRUNTS SOFTLY]

[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]

[MCAFEE] It's done.

I'm inside.

Okay, good.

That was really hard today,

particularly because I
don't really understand

what the plan is.

Well...

as soon as I saw that the twins
had leaked the yearbook photo,

I knew we were in trouble.

The campaign as I'd pictured it,
the one I wanted to run,

that was over.

We'd have to shake the whole thing up.

We needed Dede and Hadassah

- to see me as...
- [CAMERA CLICKS]

... fatally compromised,

and I needed our campaign to...

think exactly the same thing.

So, you will confirm for them that
our campaign is a dumpster fire

and that they've got this
whole thing wrapped up,

just at the moment when
we've got our campaign's

brightest political mind

screwing them from the inside.

We have two weeks. I'll start digging.

Good. Something big
enough to take her down.

You are our last play, McAfee.

This is our Hail Mary.

I'm on it.

[WILLIAM BELL & MAVIS STAPLES'
"LOVE'S SWEET SENSATION" PLAYS]

♪ You make me feel so good ♪

♪ Good ♪

♪ Just like the warmth ♪
♪ Of a sunny day ♪

♪ I always get choked up inside ♪

♪ Choking ♪

♪ Every time you come my way ♪

♪ And the more, and more I see you ♪

♪ Oh, the more I wanna say ♪

♪ Without love's sweet sensation ♪

♪ I could never, never feel this way ♪

♪ Sweet sensation ♪

- ♪ Sweet sensation ♪
- ♪ Ooh, love's sweet sensation ♪

- ♪ Ooh, love's sweet sensation ♪
- ♪ Ooh ♪

- ♪ Love's sweet sensation ♪
- ♪ Love's sweet sensation ♪

- ♪ Yeah, sweet sensation ♪
- ♪ Whoo ♪

- ♪ Love's sensation ♪
- ♪ Sweet, sweet, sweet sensation ♪

- ♪ Love's sweet sensation ♪
- ♪ Lovin' sweet sensation ♪

- ♪ Ooh, sweet sensation ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Love's sweet sensation... ♪