02x05 - The Voters

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Politician". Aired: September 27, 2019 – June 19, 2020.*
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Payton Hobart, a student from Santa Barbara, has known since age seven that he's going to be President of the United States. But first he'll have to navigate the most treacherous political landscape of all: Saint Sebastian High School.
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02x05 - The Voters

Post by bunniefuu »

[SUFJAN STEVENS'S "CHICAGO" PLAYING]

♪ I fell in love again ♪

♪ All things go, all things go ♪

♪ Drove to Chicago ♪

♪ All things know, all things know ♪

♪ You came to take us ♪

♪ All things go, all things go ♪

♪ To recreate us ♪

♪ All things grow, all things grow ♪

♪ We had our mindset ♪

♪ All things know, all things know ♪

♪ You had to find it ♪

♪ All things go, all things go ♪

[ALARM BLARING]

[STOPS]

[REPORTER] Breaking news
in the state senate election

for the th District.

The New York Times is
reporting this morning

what is being called "throuple-gate,"

allegations that Dede Standish's
three-way marriage is a hoax...

- What?
- ... designed to court older, female voters

and that Marcus Greeley, Dede's husband,

is involved in a college
cheating scandal,

authoring undergraduate papers

in exchange for cash payment.

For analysis...

- [SIGHS HEAVILY]
- ... we turn to Tiffany Albrecht,

live at Standish headquarters.

Tiffany, what can you
tell us about this?

It's a bombshell, and it's gone off

on Election Day.

- This seems unprecedented.
- It is a bombshell, Pat, and so far,

the Standish campaign has been silent.

[NEWS BROADCAST CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

[WATER RUNNING]

Mom!

Mom?

[PAT] ... what do you believe the impact

on today's election will be...

- Mom!
- What? I'm trying to watch this.

This was in the trash, Mom.
We talked about this.

I'm sorry. I was going to take it
out and put it in the recycling.

A thousand years, Mom.

That's how long this'll
sit in a landfill, so...

- [OPENS, SHUTS DRAWER]
- I said I am sorry.

- Shh.
- [TIFFANY] The Times story alleges

that the three-way relationship,

the so-called throuple, was an invention

on the part of the Standish campaign

designed to inject some
youthful excitement

and, quote, "sex appeal"

to try and stop the momentum

- of Payton Hobart.
- Oh, my God. This is amazing.

Don't say that.
Saying something like that's

- what's wrong with this country.
- What?

They think this is what
people care about.

I don't give a sh*t what
she does in her bedroom.

Um, do you care that she's a liar?

She lied, and she's a dinosaur,

and Payton Hobart is a
genuine man of character

who actually cares about this planet.

Sweetie, I am so glad that
you are politically active,

I really am. It's one of my
proudest achievements.

But you are taking down the wrong
woman, and this is a smear.

No, no, no, wait, which is it?

She lied, and you don't care,

or she didn't lie, and
this is all made up?

- I don't care.
- Because Dede Standish has been lying

her entire career, Mom.

Every politician has.

They've known about global
warming since the s,

and nobody's done anything about it.

What, is Dede Standish
suddenly a lobbyist for Exxon?

What are you talking about?

That woman has made our
lives demonstrably better.

- [NEWS CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
- When did we move here? When was it?

Um, .

Remember when garbage trucks

used to park outside
our building overnight?

She banned that!

She... Remember summer camp?

She is the reason why they
were required to have EpiPens.

She is why I can't get
fired for being gay!

She's why there is a charter
school two blocks away

that you got to go to!

You met her. She sends us a
Christmas card every year,

and suddenly she's Hannity

because she's not hysterical
about climate change?

Maybe that is a sign

that global warming is not the one issue

we all need to get up in arms about!

Okay, boomer.

What did you just say to me?

[MUFFLED] The world is gonna
end in ten years, Mom.

I am barely a boomer, okay?

So don't throw that sh*t at me.

And the world is not gonna end

- in ten years, Jayne!
- What would you care?

You can't even recycle
a frigging toothbrush.

Yeah, that's right. Because I
can never do enough for you.

Whatever I do,
I'm always screwing it up!

I try recycling, not enough.

I got a g*dd*mn f*cking
compost bin under the sink.

Not enough. I cook you vegan eggs...

- I know.
- ... whatever the f*ck those are,

and still, I am the problem.

I'm not saying you.

I'm saying people your age.

Let me tell you something.
People your age, your generation,

you think you know everything,
and you are really f*cking naive.

When I was your age,
I thought I knew everything too,

and I voted for Reagan.
I'm still trying to live that down.

We're not naive, Mom.

We're informed.

You had what? Like, two
newspapers, three networks?

I've got a supercomputer in my pocket.

[SCOFFS] The least
informed person my age

knows more than the most
informed person your age.

That's just a fact.

Okay, fine, I'm an idiot.

I somehow raised you
for years, on my own,

but clearly, I know absolutely nothing.

Thank you so much, Jayne.

Have a fun election day.

So nice talking to you, Mom.
See you tonight.

Hope Dede Standish is toast by then.

[NEWS BROADCAST CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

[DOOR SLAMS]

[PLATES CRASHING]

[PAT] ... Dede Standish might be
trying to wait this controversy out.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

- [OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
- [PHONES RINGING]

You're late.

- Sorry.
- Did you hear?

We just dropped some major-league
sh*t on Dede Standish.

I did, actually. NBD.

Payton's still gonna lose,

but he's an assh*le, so I don't care.

- Okay.
- Once this whole shitshow is over,

let me take you out to dinner.

I don't think you even know my name.

So? It doesn't have to be serious.

I'm in kind of a rebound sitch.

- Uh... no.
- No, I'm not in a rebound sitch?

Because I am.

Infinity and I dated
for, like, six months,

and then, out of nowhere, she broke...

No, I meant, no, we're not gonna go out.

You're awful.

Well, you're... fired.

I'm a volunteer, so I don't
think I can be fired.

[PAYTON] ... on your own,
and that was the wrong decision!

[JAMES] I am trying to
win you this election!

We decided we're not
gonna win this election!

You've ruined the elections
we have going forward

because now I'm just the candidate
who played dirty and still lost.

- [MCAFEE] The yelling isn't helping...
- Okay, you're hired again.

How about you and me,
dinner, tonight? My place.

[JAMES] How about a future...

- [OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
- [PHONES RINGING]

[PAYTON] ... okay? What
you did did not need doing.

- [MAN] Hello?
- Hi, this is Jayne from Payton H...

- [LINE DISCONNECTS]
- [PAYTON] We had a long-term plan.

[SPLUTTERING] A big, beautiful plan

that stretched to the f*cking horizon,

for as far as the eye can see, and...

- [PAYTON CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
- [LINE RINGING]

- [WOMAN] Hello?
- Hi, this is Jayne calling

- from Payton Hobart's campaign.
- Yes, how are you?

Good, thank you. How are you?

Not bad. Thanks for asking.

That's so nice. Thank
you for not hanging up.

Um, I'm just calling to remind
you that today is election day,

- and the polls are op...
- That's today?

Yes, that's today.

- I presume you haven't voted?
- I don't know where to go.

I can look that up for you right now.

- Let me just see what your address is.
- [PAYTON AND JAMES ARGUING]

Okay, it looks like
there's a polling place

at the th Street Public Library.

Is that convenient, or do you need
me to find a different place?

- I'm actually at work right now...
- Okay. That sounds good.

You're a conniving,
backstabbing son of a bitch,

who's been in this for one...

No, that's actually
Payton Hobart right now.

He is just so passionate

about representing the th
District in Albany next year.

- Oh, asswipe?
- Okay, you have another location,

which is th Ave.

- Does that work for you?
- [PAYTON] Excuse me!

Can everybody mute their
phone for one quick second?

Sorry, can you hold for just a second?

You're f*cking fired! Get out!

My pleasure. Sorry I wanted
you to win this thing.

Have fun running for school
board or whatever the f*ck!

Unmute.

[CHATTER SLOWLY RESUMES]

Sorry, Mrs. Cortez. Are you there?

- sh*t.
- [SKYE] Turn on the news!

- What's going on?
- Excuse me.

Turnout. It's way up.

We are looking at wait
times for up to minutes

to cast a vote...

Holy sh*t. Okay, okay.

Okay.

Um... you, what's your name?

I know this. I found you
to be very impressive.

- Jayne Mueller. You're a Taurus.
- Yes!

Okay, excellent. Love the effort.

How many of your friends
have voted today?

Uh, let me check Instagram
super quickly. One second.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Uh, , ? I don't know.
A lot. Like, most of them.

- Okay.
- Did you hear this?

[PAYTON] Hmm?

They say this could be
the biggest turnout

for a state senate seat in
the history of New York.

We could still win this thing.

- [PAYTON LAUGHS]
- [SKYE] Hey, hey.

And black Twitter is behind you.

I mean, like, the people
that I know that are black

and on Twitter.

Okay, uh, what do we
have planned for today?

Uh, you and Alice go vote,
do a presser, and that's it.

That's it? Nothing else?

And a concession speech.

I mean, we all agreed that
you would probably lose.

Okay, change of plans.

- What time do polls close?
- :.

Okay, :. Uh, we need an event.

I want outside Madison Square Park,

: p.m. I want every
news outlet there.

- What event?
- I don't know. Figure it out!

Okay. You, you, and you, come with me.

Uh, I didn't finish my
call list. Is that okay?

Yeah. Give your call list
to somebody else, okay?

This is way more important!

Thank you, Mr. Naybor, and there you go.

Voting booths are right over there.

I haven't seen a turnout
like this before. Have you?

I... No. I usually vote right
away when I get here,

and there was a line out the door.

- No.
- Yes. Hi.

- Um, name, please?
- Akta Shah.

S-H-A-H.

[REPORTER] Is the throuple a lie?

- [HADASSAH] We're not making a comment.
- Here it is.

- [DEDE] Guys, I told you...
- Hi.

- ... no comment.
- Hadassah Gold.

Say, would you mind if
Senator Standish and I,

uh, cut in front of you?

I've been waiting in
line for half an hour.

Yes, but she's who you're
waiting in line to vote for,

so we're gonna cut.

[HADASSAH] Hi.

- Hadassah Gold. Dede Standish.
- Of course.

- Pleasure.
- Hello. How are you?

- Can I have that quickly?
- Of course.

- Yes. Thank you, yeah.
- Yes. Here is you.

Uh, F through L is just over here.

- Give me a f*cking takeout menu...
- Okay, I'm off.

... and I'll vote with that.
We're trying to get in and out.

Of course. We actually
met before, Ms. Gold.

Andi Mueller.

- Um...
- Oh, nice to see you again.

- Any comment on the article?
- Will you be giving any statement?

Oh, my God.

- No, no!
- Any comment on the Times article?

Nuh-uh-uh! No, no, no.

We're not doing that today, guys.

We are not doing that.

We've got a whole day of events to plan,

and we are so sorry.

[REPORTER] Does your husband sell papers

- to undergrads?
- We are not making a comment.

[DEDE] I was going to
comment on this later.

However, I have not read the article,

but I can tell you that there
is not one word of truth to it.

You haven't read it, so how do you know?

Nobody cares about this.

[DEDE] Well, I'm telling you otherwise,

so why are we still
having this conversation?

So, that's your statement?
The reporter is lying?

This is why people
don't trust the media.

You know that, right?

Andi.

What? f*ck them.
This is bullshit. It's bullshit.

[DEDE CONTINUES
INDISTINCTLY TO REPORTERS]

Hi there. Uh, Payton Hobart,

- Alice Charles.
- Okay,

but the line starts outside.

Okay, do you mind if we go ahead
of you? They don't mind. All right.

[DEDE] ... really impacting
people's lives in a...

[REPORTER ] How do you
think this will affect voters?

[REPORTER ] Have you read
the article? Care to comment?

- [REPORTERS CHATTERING]
- [REPORTER ] Hey, Payton!

- Payton.
- Hey.

Would you care to comment on
this morning's Times article?

Honestly, I haven't read it.

That's bullshit. You fed 'em that story.

As a matter of fact,
my fiancée and I just received

some very amazing news
that we would love to share.

Alice is pregnant. We'll be expecting
our first child next summer.

- [REPORTER ] Senator...
- Oh, for f*ck's sake.

[REPORTER ] Congratulations.

Thank you. We're very excited.

Indeed, and today we have to say

that we have our little
one on our minds.

Right now, it is more
important than ever

to be focusing not
only on our generation

but on the next, and the kind of planet

that we are all gonna
be handing to them.

Know what? As a matter of fact,

- we were just looking at something.
- Yes.

- I'm gonna grab it real quick.
- So, William Ward stating

that he's actually dating
your campaign manager,

that's untrue?

I'm not gonna even dignify
that question with a response.

This interview is over. Nonstory.

The allegation that you and your husband

are sleeping with one of his students?

I'm not understanding
anything that you just said.

- Okay? Thank you.
- [PAYTON] So...

as you can see, uh, this is
a map of our entire planet

with a rise in global temperature

of just four degrees Celsius.
Now, the lower : desert.

Most of humanity will be
forced to migrate to Canada,

Alaska, Scandinavia.

Could not be more urgent.

Now is the time to take action,

and, please, join us for our
rally for climate action today,

three o'clock this afternoon

in Madison Square Park.

All right, honey, what do you say?

Shall we cast our ballots
for climate action?

Yes. I'm ready to make
a difference. [GIGGLES]

Thanks so much.

[HADASSAH] That was a shitshow.

Why did you stop?

Why didn't you just say,
"Sorry, didn't hear you.

Left my hearing aids at home,"
and walk the f*ck out?

- I couldn't just walk the f*ck out.
- [ANDI] Excuse me?

- I had to say something.
- So you opted

- for "The New York Times is lying"?
- Excuse me. [LAUGHS]

- Senator Standish.
- We're really in a hurry.

I'm sorry. Hi, my name is Andi Mueller.

We've met a few times, and, um...

- I'm on your Christmas card list.
- Oh, yeah.

- [SPLUTTERING] I do recognize you.
- Oh!

Well, I just wanted to tell you,
and I'm sure you know this already,

but voter turnout has
been really high today,

and we are seeing a lot
of young people...

Oh, please, for every
young person who votes,

there'll be ten old farts! [LAUGHS]

- Come on, let's go.
- Okay.

- My...
- Andi,

the good news is we are up by points.

It's a little tighter than we expected,

but don't you worry,
we are gonna win this thing.

So good to see you.

- That's very... Yes?
- Would you like

to come to our victory party
at our offices tonight?

You'd be welcome. You know where we are.

- Up on th?
- That's right. Yes.

- Okay.
- [ANDI CHUCKLES]

[DEDE LAUGHS]

[TIRES SCREECH]

Where does this go?

Uh, I'm not sure.

You've never put together
a camping shower before?

No. Why would I?

I don't know, you kinda have that

"I did Outward Bound the
summer of my freshman year"

or "I have a small
coven with my friends,

and we spend weekends in the woods

for the autumn equinox each year" look.

Although, neither of
those sound like a trip

where bathing's a priority.

I'm from the West Village.
I went to Spence.

Sorry, I tend to put people in
boxes without much due diligence.

I need to triage people immediately.
"Is this a voter? For us?

If they're not, how do I
make them a voter for us?"

So, uh, what's exactly the plan here?

I'm not entirely sure.

I think Payton takes a freezing shower,

and then we save and reuse
the water. I don't know.

Some of that zero-waste
bullshit that people love.

And it's one of those
great viral photo ops

that the media can't stop
themselves from using.

Exit polling is all over the place.

- Oh, is that bad?
- [PAYTON] No, no, no.

It's good. Usually, in a race like this

with a strong incumbent,
the exit polling's clear.

The fact she's not
crushing us is telling.

- How's it going here?
- [MCAFEE] Trouble with the assembly.

- She doesn't know how to build one?
- No.

Really? You never backpacked
the Appalachian Trail

or did a chain-yourself-to-a-tree
protest?

No, and she didn't do
Outward Bound either.

I'm gonna go find an Allen wrench.

Can I ask you a question?

Mm-hmm.

If doing stuff like
this didn't poll well,

would you still be doing it?

Are you asking me if I care
about the environment

and the future of the
planet you and I inherit?

Of course. It's the centerpiece
of my campaign.

Yeah, but...

it didn't start that way.

You started out talking about the subway

and how Dede was out of touch

with the working-class
people of New York,

and then suddenly, it was
all about the environment.

Well, campaigns evolve.
Candidates evolve.

Look, I can honestly say

I've always wanted to win
the race, but I wasn't inspired

until I started talking
about the environment.

When you started winning.

All right. You wanna have the
adult conversation about this?

It's both, okay?

I believe we're in a climate emergency

and our political leaders have failed

the younger generation
by ignoring it, so if...

when I win, I will commit
to focusing on that issue

because there is really no problem
that's more all-encompassing.

And the only way I'm gonna win this race

is to get young people to vote.

And the only thing that
truly inspires young people

to get off their buns and actually vote

is climate change.

If that issue was economic inequality

or, like, g*ns, or the subway,

I'd still spend my life
fighting to save the planet,

but, no, I probably would not be taking

a cold shower in Madison Square.

There's probably a
YouTube how-to for this.

[MAN] Um, the line was...
was a bit ridiculous,

but I found it was a good time

to, like, think about
what I heard today...

[HADASSAH] Get that idiot on the phone.

[DEDE] I can't. Well, I can't...
I can't get him on the phone,

because he's stalling.

- [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
- [OVERLAPPING CHATTER]

Hey,

would it be possible

for me to talk to Hadassah or Dede?

Not a problem.

They love to talk to randos who look
like Upper West Side therapists

who incorporate macramé
into their sessions.

[ANDI CHUCKLES]

Um, I spoke with them this morning.

I... I volunteer as an election judge...

I don't trust people who are
willing to work for no money.

I mean, what's in it for them?

This is ugly.

I believe in Senator Standish,

- and I want her to win.
- So do I.

Though I'd trade victory for a
slow-motion video of Hadassah's face

when she hears that we lost.

[PLASTIC CRACKLING]

You don't recycle here?

I've toured the recycling
centers in this city.

Let me peel back that curtain
for ya. It's a scam.

Most of the stuff ends
up in the same landfill

or lodged in some whale's anus.

[DEDE AND HADASSAH] No fight, no flight.

- Come on. Let's go.
- We need to get the van.

Okay, we need to get the van

and get those votes
at the retirement home.

- Senator Standish?
- Yes.

Hi. It's, uh... It's Andi.

- Do you have a van?
- No, uh...

I live in the city,

- I don't drive a car.
- [HADASSAH] Oh, I know you.

You tried to warn us about
the voter turnout problem.

You said there wasn't a turnout problem.

- [DEDE] Well...
- Well...

- We were wrong.
- ... it turned out it was a problem.

Marcus, pick up.

[ANDI] It's young people.

I was working the voting
station all morning.

It's two voters under
to every one over .

- Oh, God.
- My daughter is a student at NYU.

To them, you and Strom Thurmond

might as well have the
same policies and beliefs.

You're some old lady who doesn't
understand what's important.

Excuse me, we have been
fighting for progressive causes

since, frankly, before they were born.

Oh, I know that, but they don't.

Look, lots of kids voted today.
There are lots that didn't.

Go down to her campus. Show your face.

Get them to vote for you.

Convince one, and they
will bring ten with them.

Little retail politics.

Just like the old days.

Let's go.

- And you're coming with us.
- Really?

Yeah, come on. Just come.

- Yeah?
- Get in. Get in the car.

- [VEHICLE BEEPING]
- [WORKERS CHATTERING]

[DEDE] How long have
we been in this car?

This is not a good idea.

Should we just get out and walk?

We're, like, ten blocks away.

- That's a good idea.
- Oh! That's a very good idea.

Where are my Easy Spirits?

Don't you have them?

- Why would I have them?
- Because they're your shoes.

[DEDE] For three decades,

you've run my campaigns,
you've been my press secretary,

you've edited my speeches,

you have carried my g*dd*mn lipstick

and my Easy Spirit walking shoes.

Did I miss the memo where
you decided to change

your job description?

Forgive me, Dede,

I'm just the tiniest bit distracted

by the fact we may actually, shockingly,

lose this election to
a bunch of entitled,

virtue-signaling little brats

who want to reforest Manhattan

and slap a beehive on the rooftop
of every tenement in town!

Oh, my God, how do you counter
such inauthentic bullshit?

It's not bullshit to young people.

[CHUCKLES] My daughter cares
about the health of the planet

more than she cares about
her own economic future.

Unlike us.

I mean,

your generation, my generation.

She... She literally does not care

if she never owns a house or a car.

She just wants to make sure
she has clean air and water,

and that we don't end up
with a climate refugee crisis

in five years,

which we authentically might.

Well, that's not our fault.

It... kind of is.

Look, missy, when I was
your daughter's age,

I fought for selfless,
unattainable goals too.

I burnt my bra.
I marched against the w*r.

I saved the manatees. I spawned
with the fricking salmon, okay?

There is a bald eagle in Central Park

that wouldn't be there if it
wasn't for Senator Standish.

I love the environment.

I have fought for it,

and I am really delighted to know that

the young people are energized about it,

but they shouldn't be in charge.

They should be part of the
conversation, of course, sure,

but they should not be in charge.

They just shouldn't be.

Passion is wonderful.

I also have experience.

I am very experienced,

and I have discipline.

And passion without
experience and discipline

is chaos.

Anarchy, okay?

[PHONE VIBRATING]

[HADASSAH] What?

Oh!

Oh, yes, hello, Mr. Mayor.

Hold for Senator Standish.

[DEDE LAUGHS] Hello, Bill.

Well, it's a little closer
than any of us would like.

Okay, wha...

Oh, hold... hold on.

We're not there yet.

[HORNS HONKING]

[CROWD CHEERING NEARBY]

[PAYTON] That's right,

because we care about
the next generation

and the next, and the
next, and the next,

and that is why we are going to
cast a vote for change today.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Because we have ten years
to save the world,

and if we are willing to fight
and never stop fighting,

then we can save this planet.

We don't have to wait around for
the change! We are the change!

[CHEERING]

We will do whatever we can to
stop this planet from warming

because today is the day
that we save the world.

[CHEERING]

Yes.

And now to prove to each and
every one of you here today

how excited I am

for a new, very chilled planet,

I am going to do the thing

that I hate more than
anything else in the world.

I am going to take a
freezing cold shower,

and then I am going to
recycle that gray water!

[CHEERING]

[SKYE] All right.

This is for real, everybody.

It is degrees outside,

and that water is coming
right out of that tap, okay?

[CHEERING]

- [PAYTON] Oh!
- [CHEERING GROWS LOUDER]

[SKYE] How is it, Payton? How is it?

[VOICE SHAKING] Okay.
Um... it is very cold, indeed.

All right, the polls close at : p.m.
Thank you all for coming.

Let's change the world,
everybody. God bless!

[CHEERING]

[SOFTLY] Okay, all right. Let's go.

Go, Payton! Whoo!

[MAN] Name, please.

Andi Mueller.

- [REPORTER SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
- [DOOR OPENS]

[ANDI SIGHS]

- Sweetheart.
- What?

Come here.

Come here.

Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry
about this morning.

Mom, it's okay.

No, it's not.

I said some stuff I really didn't like.

I'm sorry.

I'm so proud of you.

And I... [SIGHS]

... I want us to be able to disagree
and it not turn into a fight.

- It's fine, Mom.
- No, it isn't.

If I let politics come between us,

I am part of the problem.

We both are.

We have to listen to one another

and respect one another,
and I didn't do that.

Well, I didn't either, so it's okay.

Promise me we're not
gonna do that again.

- Okay?
- Breaking news now

- from the politics desk.
- Oh, my God, Mom.

- What?
- The returns are in.

... the New York th Senate District,

where Dede Standish is
attempting to hold off a...

Mom, what are you doing?

- They're gonna announce who won.
- I know.

But whoever wins,

I want you to know that
I know you were right.

We had our sh*t,

my generation,

and we screwed it up.

We left you with...

an impossible situation,

and I am so deeply, deeply,
deeply sorry for that.

It's your turn now.

Oh, my God, you didn't.

Yep. [SIGHING]

I did.

I voted for Payton.

Oh, my God, Mom!

Thank you so much!

I'm so happy!

Oh, I love you, sweetheart.

I love you too, Mom.

Now, turn on the TV.
I wanna see who won.

Okay.

[SIGHS]

[TV CLICKS ON]

[INSTRUMENTAL THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
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