01x12 - Red Bath and Beyond

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Eastwick". Aired: September 23 – December 30, 2009.*
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Based on the film "The Witches of Eastwick" and the novel of the same name, "Eastwick" tells the story of three very different women -- Roxie, Kat, and Johanna -- who are drawn together after a weird encounter in the park and a few martinis.
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01x12 - Red Bath and Beyond

Post by bunniefuu »

[screams]
[grunts]

Aah!

[gasps]

[wind gusting]

[gasping]

Hey.

Hey.
Roxie.

Hey.

Mm. [kisses]

Mm. [kisses]
Thanks for meeting me.

So what's goin' on?

Just -- just wanted
to touch base,

see if either of you have been
contacted by the police.

I...I...I think that everyone just
thinks that Jamie left town.

So far,
no one suspects foul play.

It wasn't foul play.
It was self-defense.

Yeah, I don't know if a jury
would agree with that.

What about Darryl?

Have either of you
heard from him yet?

I'm glad he's gone.
I've been trying to...

I'm glad he's gone, too.
Honestly, I think that

everything bad started to happen
the day that guy showed up.

I know. My life
finally feels normal again.

So you guys haven't been...

Using our powers?

No, not me. Cold turkey.

Me, too.
No more angry earthquakes.

No more magically healing people
until it almost kills me.

Yeah, I haven't had
any psychic visions either.

It's been weirdly quiet
in my head.

Aren't you relieved?

I guess, although...

it was kind of cool
for a minute,

being all magical.
[chuckles]

[sniffles]

I gotta get
to the hospital.

Yeah, I...I should
probably go, too.

I'm meeting up with Penny.

She's been a wreck
since Jamie.

k*lling your best friend's
boyfriend -- not cool.

- She's better off, trust me.
- You didn't tell Penny, did you?

No, of course not.
I wouldn't tell anyone.

Me either. We made a pact,
and I'm sticking to it.

- So I guess this is good-bye again.
- For now.

[sighs]

It was fun while it lasted.

[gasps]

Oh, hey. Hi.
How's it going?

Um, so anyway,
I was just dropping off

another letter for Darryl.

Not sure he's getting
any of these,

but just in case...

I sure hope someone's
forwarding his bills to him,

because that kind of thing
can really destroy

a person's credit, although I'm
sure he has really good credit --

or had, if he's still alive,

which is all I'm really worried
about, just so you know,

'cause I've checked every single
hospital in a 50-mile radius

every day for the past
four weeks and all the morgues,

and obviously I'm the only one
who gives a crap, so --
- I give a crap.

You talk!

I...I mean, you do?

I...I mean, um, is he okay?

One can only assume.

That's not much
of an answer, Fidel.

No offense.

Psyched for the verbal response
and all,

but now that you're finally
using your vocal cords,

maybe you can give me something
a little more specific.
- I'm without specifics.

So how do you know he's okay?
Has he contacted you?

He hasn't contacted you?

I mean, what if he's lying dead
in a ditch somewhere.

You know, the man was
whacked over the head

with an andiron, for God's sake.
You don't just walk away

with an injury like that
and check into a Ritz-Carlton.

Right, okay.

Uh, thanks for
the heart-to-heart.

All right, my little
noodle noggins, bath time!

Let's go!

Come on!

Oh, looks like someone finally
bought the termite house...

[man panting]

Someone incredibly hot.

[indistinct conversations]

Life sucks.

Couldn't agree more.

I finally find the perfect guy,
you know?

He's cute, and he's British
and liked my toes.

He liked your toes?

He said they were luscious.

So I ask you, what kind of man
makes love to your toes

and then just skips town?

- A bad man.
- But he's not a bad man.

He's a nice man...
with an accent.

What is it
with women and accents?

You'll forgive anything if
the guy sounds like Hugh Grant.

It's true.
I even forgave Hugh Grant.

So what are you saying --
that I shouldn't forgive Jamie?

I'm saying
you should see a shrink.

Or you could call your mom.

In fact, use my phone,

if you promise
just to take it outside.

No, thank you.

May I borrow another quarter,
Jo-Jo?

Yes, of course you can,
sweetie.

Thank you...Joanna.

Okay, she better not.

Shut up, Max.

And she did.

Hey! No tip?

No. No, not as long
as you keep encouraging

little Miss Misery over there.
You know what?

Maybe a little bit of poverty
will motivate you to action.

And what action would you
like for me to take?

She's your friend!
Just -- just fix her.

[sighs]

Mm. Aren't you a sight
for sore eyes?

[gasps]

Oh, my God.

It's good to see you.

You ass!

Ow.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Mm.

But damn you!

Mm. Just like old times.

Where have you been, Darryl?
I've been worried sick.

Well, we'll get to that,
but if you wouldn't mind,

I'd like to get
my questions answered first.

It only seems fair,
since you were the one

who invited me to dinner
and allowed your guest

to crush my skull
with a fireplace poker.

It took 28 stitches,
by the way,

and now my hair
is growing back all weird.

Darryl, I hope you know
I had nothing to do with that.

Ah, where is Mr. Happy now?

I would really like
to catch up with him.

Uh, you want to know
what happened to Jamie?

Mm-hmm.

Well...

He told me you were evil
and that I'd have to k*ll you.

He said that only someone like
me, someone gifted like me,

could do it.
Why is that, by the way?

Hmm. So what did you do?

I refused.

We fought. I won.

I...told him
he had to leave town,

told him if he ever messed
with me and my girls again,

he'd regret it.
- And he just left?

Yep. Went by his apartment
the next day just to make sure

and he was gone.

You went by yourself?

I took a g*n with me,
but I didn't have to use it,

'cause when I got there,
his apartment was

completely cleaned out like
he'd never been there at all.

He was just...gone.

Huh. Interesting.

And then what happened?

I called the girls.

I told them what happened.

They came over,
made sure I was okay.

We talked. I cried.

And that was pretty much it.

[Roxie grunts]

Why didn't you
call the police?

And tell them what --
we're a bunch of witches

involved in
a supernatural blood feud?

And you're not worried
about Jamie coming back?

No. I told you, he knows better
than to mess with us again.

That's good.

I'm just so relieved you're okay.
- Mm.

Oh, hey,
can I stay here tonight?

I still have
a number of enemies,

and I don't want anyone
to know

that I'm back in Eastwick just yet.
- Of course. You should absolutely stay here.

- Good.
- On the couch, obviously.

Not so good.

I'll go get
those guest sheets.

[children shouting indistinctly]

- Oh, my God. He's back.
- Who's back?

My future second husband.

His name is Colin.
His son Gene just enrolled

in Erika's class,
which means he's 10 or 11.
- Mm.

Dad is divorced, and his
badunka dunk is off the charts.

[chuckles] You did not
just say "badunka dunk."

Oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God!
- Shh, shh, shh.

Oh, hey, hi.

- You, uh, you live across
the street from us, don't you?
- I do. Yeah, um, I...I'm Kat.

And this is Barb and Karen.

[both, singsongy] Hi!

Hi. Uh, I'm Colin. This is
my son Gene. Gene, say hi.

- Hi. Can I go play now?
- Yeah, sure. I'll meet up
with you in a sec.

Listen, I am so sorry

that I haven't welcomed you
into the neighborhood.

I'm usually really quick
with the sugar cookies.

I actually would have
introduced myself last night,

but I thought it might be
a little rude,

seeing that I was shirtless
and dripping in sweat.

Oh, all right.
[chuckles]

All right, well, I should
go get him settled in.

Ladies, it was
very nice meeting you.

- Kat, I'm looking forward
to those sugar cookies.
- Okay.

- Ohh.
- Ohh. You lucky little witch.

Coast clear, or is there
a blubbering redhead

hiding around
the corner somewhere?

Your empathy
is truly amazing.

I try. Now how about you tear
yourself away from your blog

and get me a beer?

I'm not blogging. I'm setting up
an online profile for Penny

so she can meet a man.
Hello, action?

It's Joanna,
and I'm totally taking you.

I think the best way for Penny
to get over that British creep --

is to set her up with
an American creep.

Or an Italian creep.
[singsongy] Holla!

Uh, no.
I ain't no holl*back girl.

And why are you
taking all this on

as if Penny getting
dumped is your fault?
- Because it is.

Sort of, in the way
that best friends

often feel responsible
for each other.

But this plan
is totally gonna work.

- So shut your face hole and high-five me.
- This plan is totally gonna take forever,

And you've got
better things to do.

I mean, you've got a bar.
You've got a blog.

You've got a life. Eh, you...
got a bar and a blog, anyway.

And apparently a life coach,
thank you very much.

If you're determined
to find Penny a man,

we're gonna have to do it
the old-fashioned way.

I say we hit the streets,
talk to the fellas.
- "We"?

You're gonna need a wingman.
I happen to be available.

- Yeah? What's in it for you?
- I just want my bar back,
that's all.

If I enjoyed
listening to the sound

of a woman crying every day,

I'd have stayed
in my last relationship.

Wow, you are just one fuzzy
little bunny, aren't you?

[gasps]

Okay, upsy-daisy!
Rise and shine!

Put some clothes on!

What time is it?

Almost noon. Time for pants.

P.S., how about
not sleeping naked

when I have
a 15-year-old daughter

who could walk
in at any minute?

You said Mia was staying with
her grandmother this weekend.

Yeah, so? Doesn't mean I'm
running a nudistolony here.

[laughs] hey,
I have a fabulous idea.

What say we call the ladies

and organize one of
your famous martini nights?

I'll call the girls,
put together a martini night,

ease them into things.
Why don't you give me

a week or so to get their heads
in the right place,

and then you can mysteriously
reappear and tell us everything?

You trust me?

I wouldn't go that far, but I
know there's more to the story,

and I'd like to hear
your side of things.

- That means a lot to me, Roxie.
- Well, it's a two-way street.

How so?

You could have shown up
at any one of our doorsteps,

but you chose
to show up at mine,

even though I'm the one
that put you in danger.

- Ah, it's true. I did.
- Why did you do that?

Well, I suppose...

I missed you.

You did?

Mm. More than I ever
thought possible.

Well, that's...

Oh, boy.

Mm.

Mm.

[beep]
Hey, Rox, it's me.

Um, I'm running a little late,

so do not dish
before I get there, okay?

Um, and, uh, I'm really glad
we're doing this. You're right.

I think we've kept our distance
long enough.

Okay, see you in a few.

[beep]

[gasps]

Hi.

Your front door was open.

Can your kids
come out and play?

Uh, no, no.
They're at their Dad's tonight.

Oh. Oh, okay.

Bye.

Whee!
[gasps]

[laughs]
Roxie!

Sorry.

I just flashed my hoochie
to a 11-year-old boy.

- What?
- What?

Well, technically,
my hoochie was walked in on...

[singsong voice]
but, uh, yeah, he still saw it.

[laughs]
[normal voice]
Okay, so the question is,

now can I still get naked
with his dad,

A.K.A. my new hot neighbor?

Or would that be,
like, too weird for words?

Of course not. Just tell
the kid to report to his dad

how good the goods were.

If anything, it could move
things along quicker.

- Gross. Really gross.
- I know!

[singsong voice]
God, I miss you guys.

So not to k*ll
the buzz or anything,

but I do want to talk
about Darryl.

[both grunt]
Just hear me out for two conds.

I'm worried about him.

I...I know there's a lot
of stuff we don't know,

and some of it seems pretty suspicious.
- Extremely suspicious.

But just because there are
missing pieces to the puzzle

doesn't mean
we should believe everything

Eleanor and Bun
are telling us.

They're the ones
who tried to have us k*lled,

and you know, maybe we
should wait to judge him

before we know all the facts.
- Okay. I think we should do that.

Well,
it doesn't really matter.

I mean, it's not like
he's ever gonna --

Did someone here
order champagne?

Oh, my God. Darryl!
What are you doing here?

Yeah, Darryl,
what are you doing here?

And more to the point,
where the hell have you been?

I'm sure you all
have questions for me.
[glasses clink]

Good news --

I have answers.

But I would like
to start at the beginning,

if I might.

Four months ago,
I was summoned to Eastwick.

The three of you came together,
and you made a wish,

each of you looking
for inspiration.

[pop]

You sent out a call.
I heard that call.

How?

I am attuned to gifted women
like yourselves.

I know your thoughts.
I know your desires.
[pouring champagne]

I know your potential.

That is my gift.

My purpose is to inspire,

to facilitate.

You can think of me
as your very own personal muse.

Your call went out,

and I answered.

But it wasn't the first time.

25 years ago,
I was also summoned.

Two of the women you already
know -- Bun and Eleanor.

The third was named Gloria,

and my name
was Sebastian Hart.

[Joanna]: I knew it!

When I arrived,
they welcomed me.

They welcomed the awakening
of their gifts.

It was impossible
for us to deny

the attraction we all felt.

We were young. We were wild.
It was torrid.

[Roxie]: It was the '80s.

But we were too reckless.
We made mistakes.

We made enemies,

and people around us
started to die.

As the chaos set in,

Gloria -- she was
the first to change.

- [crying]: Go away!
- She became paranoid...

- Don't come near me!
- convinced that I was the cause of the chaos...

- Make it stop.
- that I was the enemy...

And suddenly one day,
she just disappeared.

She was gone
for almost a year --

Nine months, to be exact.

She was pregnant.

With Jamie.

Only I had no idea.

- [pounding on door]
- When she returned,

she was a shell
of the woman she was before.
- [screaming indistinctly]

- You lied to me!
- She seemed demented, shattered, enraged.

I had no idea about the child,

but the Gloria I had known
and loved was gone.

And a week later, I...

I found a su1c1de note
by my bedside table.

She poisoned herself...
[voice breaking]

and she had carved
the word "witch"

in her own forehead...

and collapsed
in the town square.

Oh, my God.

It was gruesome.

Bun and Eleanor
blamed me for her death,

insisting I was the cause
of her mental decline,

which, of course,
was ludicrous.

I was no more responsible
for what happened to Gloria

than they were, but they
didn't see it that way.

They united their powers,
and they tried to k*ll me.
- With the tea!

In the bay. Eleanor created
an electrical storm,

and the two of them left me
for dead in the raging waters.

I managed to swim to safety,
but I never returned.

I needed them to believe
that they'd succeeded.

You thought if they knew
you were alive,

they'd come after you.
- Yeah.
That's why I changed my name.

That's a lot to take in,
Darryl.

I know, and I understand if you
need to check the facts.

I lied before because
I didn't feel that I was safe.

Unfortunately, I'm still not,

but it's more important
that you trust me.

And I'll deal with Jamie.

What?

[clears throat]

[Kat]: Um...

You don't have to worry
about Jamie anymore, Darryl.

He's dead.

How do you know he's dead?

Because we k*lled him.

[gasps] Wh --

Why did you lie to me?

When did she lie to you?
You just got here.

You didn't...
Just get here.

You knew he was back!

Well, I, um...

So that's why you called
this martini night --

so you could manipulate us?
- Look, I can explain --

I wasn't trying to manipulate you.
- You're sleeping with each other!

Oh...my...God!

Wait, wait, you guys.
Wait, please. Please, just listen to me.

No, no, no. You bring us here
and tell us this whole story

supposedly to our trust,

and the whole time
you're lying to our faces?

How are we supposed to believe
anything you have to say to us?

Wait, you guys, I didn't know
any of this stuff.

I'm hearing it for
the first time, just like you.

- My ass! Let's go, Kat.
- Yeah.

Happy, genius?
[chuckles]

Damn. That's the fifth married
guy we've seen so far.

There's a reason that
I am single, my friend.

This town is a wasteland.
- For you, maybe.

The odds are definitely
stacked in my favor, though.

The odds are always
stacked in men's favor.

That's why we hate you.

Oh, you don't hate men. You got
some spunk in your trunk,

that's for sure, but you --
you're not bitter.

Now Penny, on the other hand --
is heartbroken,

- Something obviously you've never experienced.
- You don't think I've ever been in love?

[chuckles]

You don't think I know
what it's like to wake up

with that cold ache
in the middle of your belly

that hurts so much that you
actually convince yourself

you might be dying, because
it's the only possible way

a human being
could feel this sick,

cold and empty?

What was her name?

- Alicia.
- And how long?

- Ten months ago.
- Mm.

That's all I'm gonna say
about that right now.

Okay.

Oh, hey!

Okay, see that trucker hat guy
right there?

Yeah?

His name is...Don,

and he used to deliver the water
at the "Gazette,"

and if I'm not mistaken,
he had a thing for Penny!

I can't believe I forgot
about water man Don.

[laughs]

Hi...

Neighbor.

Hey, how's it goin'?

Uh, it's going good,
except, um,

Gene...[chuckles]

Uh, he, uh, he came over
to play with my kids,

and he let himself in...

[singsong voice] and kind of saw
me coming out of the shower.

- Whoa, whoa. He let himself in?
- [normal voice] Oh, no, yeah. It's okay.

I just wanted you to know

because of the nudity and whatnot.
- The nudity doesn't bother me

as much as the breaking
and entering part.

- Do you want me to talk to him, or --
- No, no, no. That's -- that's okay.

I'm sure he won't
do it again.

It's probably just
as embarrassing for him

as it was for me. [chuckles]

Well, maybe not
just as embarrassing, but --
[Boy]: Get off!

- What the hell?
- You get off! Get off of me!

- No! Come here!
- Oh, no. Yeah, that's Elliot,
the playground bully.

Hey, get off! What the hell
do you think you're doing,

you little snot?
- Get off me! Mom!

You think it's fun to mess with somebody half your size --
- Mom!

- Get your hands off my child! Are you insane?
- Why don't you tell your kid to stop acting like a little jerk?

What in the world is wrong with you?
What's wrong with me? What's wrong with him?

- Get him outta here. He's a monster!
- How dare you speak to us like that?

Joanna, you are not gonna
believe what just happened.
[glasses clink]

Do you remember Don Dixby?

Don Dixby...

Yeah, yeah, come on.
Water man Don.

He used to leave a case
of sparkling lime

under my desk every month?
- Oh, right. Yeah.

He just called me up
and asked me out on a date.

- How insane is that?
- I don't think it's insane.

You're a beautiful
single girl,

and -- and he's just a shy guy.

- He was probably too nervous
to ask you out until now.
- Yeah, I guess. Hmm.

- So when are you gonna go out?
- Oh, we're not.

Why? Why not?
What are you talking about?

Hello? I am way too fragile
to go on a date right now.

Okay, so, um, you should
make it a...a double date.

- Never mind. You know what?
Let's just forget it.
- Penny.

No. I don't want to go anyway.
I'd rather stay home and watch

"Philadelphia Story" again with you anyway.
- No. You're going.

- Joanna --
- I will find a date.

- Joanna --
- We're going.

[whirring]

Well, this is fun.

- Shut up!
- Oh, that's the first two words
you've spoken to me all day.

I'll take them.
[turns off vacuum]

Don't do that, Darryl.
I'm really mad.

The girls won't call me back,
and I don't blame them.

- If they never trust me again, it's all your fault.
- Look, if you hadn't lied to me about k*lling Jamie,

we might not be in this situation.
- I had to lie to you. The girls and I made a pact.

It's different.

You're right.

Say that again.

You're right.
It is different.

And I'm sorry.

I should have listened
to you.

Well, yeah.

You should've.

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

I forgive you.

And I'm sure, in time,
the girls will forgive me.

But will they forgive me?

We'll just have to wait
and see.

That's just it.
I can't wait.

What do you mean?

[sighs]

I have no reason
for staying here anymore.

I came because the three of you
needed me and wanted me.

And now...I have no purpose.

So...

Are you a person?

- Yes, I am a person.
- Are you a person?

I'm sorry. Just the whole
"You're a muse,

"we're your purpose,
you can't die unless I k*ll you

"with some weird-ass dagger -- "

Yeah, Roxie, I am a person.

I'm just not a normal...one.

You can say that again.

And I can't stay here.

But I don't have
to leave alone.

What?

Come with me.

You and me are both being
stifled in this small town,

and you were meant
for bigger and better things.

You know that.

We could move anywhere.

We could explore the world
together as a family.

I don't know what to say.

Don't say anything yet.

Just think about it.

[knock on door]

I overreacted, didn't I?

Yes, you kinda did.

I thought so. You took off
pretty quick this afternoon.

Well, I, uh,
try to keep my kids

away from fighting
as much as possible.

They got enough of that when
Ray and I were splitting up.

- Ray is your ex-husband?
- Yep. Also a bit of a temper.

I know how it must have looked,
and I feel horrible.

I've never been
a playground dad before,

and watching another kid
pick on my boy, it...

it turned me into someone
I didn't recognize.

You really have never taken
Gene to the park before?

No. Ellen and I --
that's my wife --

We had a pretty traditional
marriage.

I worked. She stayed
at home and raised Gene.

Well, maybe that's why Ellen left.

She probably got tired
of being the 1950s housewife.

Ellen passed away
a year ago.

Oh, my God.

Oh, I am...

- I am so sorry. Um, I...I --
- Don't be. It's -- it's okay.

I heard that --
that is, I thought --

- It's okay. Don't worry.
- No, I feel terrible.

Don't. Please.

I...

Would you like to come in?

Um, I can -- I can whip up
some of those sugar cookies.

Yeah.

[chuckles]

[Bossa Nova music playing]

Your arms must be really buff, Don.

From carrying all the water.

Those -- those bottles
are so heavy, huh?

They're unwieldy, even.

I, too, have difficulty
wielding those bottles.

Yeah. You get used to it.

Yeah. That makes sense.

You okay?

Jamie loved water.

Oh, here we go.

- Who's Jamie?
- Nobody.

- My ex-boyfriend.
- Man, this steak is off the chain! Who wants a bite?

You know, we weren't
together that long.

It's just that it was
a really special relationship.

Special in that

you didn't really
know each other,

and that didn't seem
to bother you, so...

I'll take a bite.

Of course I knew him.

No, you didn't.
You guys had sex.

Great sex!

Fine! Great sex!
But that's not enough

to build a relationship on,
Penny, and the guy could have

been a serial k*ller for all you know!
- Oh, thanks.

That's nice, comparing my ex-boyfriend to a serial k*ller.
- Try the sauce, man.

Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I just think that you

are wasting your time
obsessing over Jamie.

He doesn't deserve it, and it's
a little much already, Penny.

I mean, it's not like you guys were engaged or anything.
- Oh, okay. Yeah, let's do it.

Let's all take a dip
in Lake Joanna.

I'm sorry that I wasn't proposed
to and then left at the altar.

Ooh! You -- you got left
at the altar?

I proposed to three women.

They all said no.

And I'm leaving.

Penny, no. Wait. Wait!

You've just been pitying me
this whole time,

like this whole thing
is some big joke to you.

Well, it's not --

Not to me.

[knock on door]

You gave the help
the night off?

Fidel is out
gathering boxes.

Moving is...

Oh, it's such a pain.

Maybe you shouldn't move.

Maybe you should
come with me.

I'm sorry, but I can't.

Why not?

I can't leave my girls.

I thought you were
having a fight.

We are, but it'll pass.

Kat and Joanna and I --
we're connected.

You're my muse, but...
Mm.

So are they.

I don't know if things
will ever go back

to the way they were before,

but I do know that if I leave,
we don't stand a chance.

You miss your powers.

I do.

Even before you got here,
I felt different,

and being
with Kat and Joanna,

for the first time, different
didn't feel bad or weird.

It just felt right.

I don't know
what it all means,

but it's important
for me to find out.

And I can't do that
if I leave Eastwick.

Good-bye, Darryl.

I know Penny.
She's never gonna forgive me,

which is good for you, I guess.
- How is it good for me?

Well, you got your bar back,
right? That's what you wanted.

So mission accomplished.
Congrats.

That's not the only reason
I did this, Joanna.

It's not?

Unh-unh.

I...I may have had

some...

other...reasons.

What kind of other reasons?

You know.

[cell phone ringing]

Mnh-mnh.

Mnh-mnh. Let it go to voice
mail. Let it go to voice mail!

It could be Penny.
It could be Penny.

[sighs]
[beep]

Oh, that's weird.
Mm?

Hello?

Uh-huh. Yes.

Really?

Okay!

- Okay.
- What?

Okay.

That was Clyde, and, um,

I just got my job back
at the "Gazette."

- No kidding!
- Yeah.

That, uh, that sounds like
a reason to celebrate.

Mm, mm.

Oh, I should really
get home, you know?

I have to --
I have to get some sleep.
- Mm-hmm.

- Tomorrow's a very big day.
- Yeah.

- I'll see you at work.
- I guess you will.

I'm so happy I have to pee!

[laughs]

Everything is back
on track with Joanna,

and the Penny problem
has been resolved.

Yeah.

I'll call you
when I know more.

[creak]
And here I thought Ray and I
were the last married people

on Earth to go
to Prom together.

I can actually
do you one better.

Ellen and I met at summer camp,
and when we played Red Rover,

I would send Ellen
right over.

- [laughs]
- [knock on door]

Oh. I swear, I'm usually
not this popular,

especially at night.

[Darryl]: Hi.

Ah. Am I
interrupting something?

Actually, yeah.

No, no. I was actually
on my way home.

Oh, no, no, no. You don't have to go.
- It's okay.

I told Gene he could play
video games until I got home,

so he's probably
a zombie by now.

Good-lookin' guy.

What do you want, Darryl?

I came to say good-bye.

You're leaving?

I think it's for the best,
don't you?

Anyway, I need to ask you
for a small favor.

I need you to look after Roxie
for a bit.

I have a feeling
she needs a friend.

And you, dear Kat,

you are
one of the best friends

that I've had
the privilege to know.

[door closes]

Who's the guy in the suit?

I'm not sure.

I figured it was
her ex-husband.

I don't think so.

I did research on the ex,

and he doesn't seem like
the type to have a limo.

Yeah, well,
she didn't introduce me --

So you introduce yourself,
Colin!

I'm sorry. I didn't think --

You never think.
That's your problem.

I have to do
all the thinking for you!

- I'm sorry.
- Forget it!

What happened with the girl?
Did you smooth things over?

Everything seems to be fine.

She's very sweet, in fact.

Good.

I was counting on that.

[knock on door]

[sighs]

I'm feeling sheepish.

No. I'm a terrible friend.

Oh, no.

So, um, I heard you got
your job back.

Wow, news travels fast.
How'd you hear?

Oh, Clyde sent everyone
an e-mail saying that

we had to be
particularly nice to you

per a Mr. Darryl van Horne's
request.

Wait.
Darryl got me my job back?

Wow. Guess maybe Darryl
isn't such a bad guy after all.

Yeah, if you say so.

But anyway, you know,
congratulations.

So is that why
you came over?

Because Clyde said you had
to be nice to me?

Nah. I was going to
apologize anyway.

I just figured it would be
better to do it here

than at the office.
- I'm the one who really needs to apologize, Penny.

I never should have said
those things. I'm so sorry.

No, no. You were right.
I needed to hear them.

I was obsessing,
and I want you to know

that I am so over Jamie...

- Dalton.
- Dalton -- so over him.

So good-bye, Jamie Dalton,
and thank you for the memories.

[imitates spitting] And, um,

I think I'm gonna call
water man Don and apologize

for my appalling behavior.

- I'm borrowing this.
- Okay.

Okay.

[cell phone rings]

[beep]

You guys didn't have to
come over here. I'm fine.

You're not fine.
You're sad,

which does not automatically
mean we forgive you

for lying to us.
- But we want to help you,

because that's what friends are for.
- Mm.

I don't even know
why I'm so sad.

It's not like there was anything
going on with me and Darryl.

I mean, I guess there was.

- There definitely was.
- There definitely was.

Okay, fine, but we didn't even
sleep together until yesterday.

How was that, by the way?

Awesome, but not exactly what
I thought it would be either.

- How do you mean?
- I don't know.

I guess I thought that
once we finally did the deed,

I wouldn't be curious anymore,

and the whole thing
would be over, but it wasn't.

It felt more like...
a beginning.

[sighs]
That sounds stupid, right?

No, that doesn't sound
stupid to me.

Sounds like you have real
feelings for Darryl van Horne.

Uh-huh.
Oh, please.

How could anyone have real
feelings for Darryl van Horne?

He's so -- he's so --

Perfect for you?
[laughs]

Okay, now I'm sad.

I still don't understand
why he has to leave.

There's no reason
for him to stay here

without the three of us --
- Requiring a muse.

But if we...

got the band back together...

then he might stay?

No, forget it. You guys
made it perfectly clear

how you feel about your powers.
- Well, you know, now that I have my job back

at the "Gazette,"
my powers might come in handy.

Uh, w --
you got your job back?

Thanks to Darryl.
That muse is a real mensch.

Look, he has brought a lot
of drama into our lives,

but it wasn't all bad.

Some of it was actually
kind of...fun.

Yeah, it really was,
wasn't it?

So wait, what are we saying?

Call your new boyfriend.

Tell him to cancel
the moving truck.
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