01x06 - Episode 6

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Feel Good". Aired: 18 March 2020 –; June 4, 2021.
Series follows recovering addict and comedian Mae, who attempts to control the addictive behaviours and intense romanticism that permeate every facet of her life.
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01x06 - Episode 6

Post by bunniefuu »

I like you being here.

Hey, my mum wants us to go
to this falconry class

before you guys go to your meeting.


I said my mum wants us to go
to a falconry class.

Oh, um...

Yeah, I think I'm just gonna stay
in tonight.

I don't really want to see anyone,
because I am dying.

- You're not dying.
- Oh yeah, I'm dying.

Mae, it's been, like, two weeks.

George is probably on a date right now.


- Can I ask you something?
- Yes.

Are you ever gonna have sex with me,

or are you just gonna sleep
in my bed indefinitely?

Uh... oh man.

Yeah, um...

I'm really sorry.

Okay, I think I do want
to have sex with you.

Wow, okay. Great, thanks.

- Jesus.
- No, look, I just...

I really don't know
how it would make me feel.

Why don't you find out?


I still haven't met her parents,

and we live together.

- She's practically still in the closet.
- Hey, man.

- And I know they're gonna come over...
- It's me, Phil.

I know who you are.

How you doing?

You wanna talk?

If I wanted to talk,
I'd talk to my friends.

Okay, that hurts,

but I'm going to let it slide.

I got you something.

Check it out.

- What is that?
- Okay, don't freak out,

but I wanted you to have someone
to process your feelings with,

so I went to get you a therapy dog.

Is there a dog in that tub?

No, basically all the puppies
looked like Mae,

so I got you these instead.

Oh my God, Christ, Phil!

- They're worms.
- Yes.

I... Can you please leave me alone?

All I want is to be left alone.

George, you're not an island, man.

Well, I was an island before I met Mae,

and I can be again, okay?
That's how I operate.

Maybe you don't know me very well, Phil.

Maybe you don't know you very well, Phil.

Please leave me alone.

Please leave the worms.

Thank you.

- I have to get to a meeting.
- I'll pick you and Maggie up.

I'm trying to be more open with her,

include her.

Do you think I should tell her
I sat on your face?

Um, maybe don't tell her you sat
on my...

Actually, maybe don't tell her anything?

Like, about what happened?

Like, does she really need
to know about that?


I just feel like she'll make a big deal
out of it,

and she won't get
that it was just like

a casual...



Yeah, okay.

Excuse me, I have to go
clean up this mess.

What mess?

That one.

- Morning, darling.
- Hi.

What did you and Lava
get up to last night?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Just braised a beef.

Braised a big beef. Brenda?

Uh, I'm gonna catch up with Brenda,
'cause, uh...

Have you seen any films lately?

Have you seen Hereditary?

Mae, Maggie tells us
you've had a difficult week.

Would you like to share with the group?

No, thank you.

We are at our most vulnerable
in times of crisis.

Now more than ever, Mae,

I would urge you to do the work.
Sit with the pain.

Think of it like, um...

- boiling an egg.
- I don't want to.

I don't want to. I'm not an egg.

I don't want to do the work. I'm tired.

Aren't you guys tired?

From trying to do the right thing
all the time?

When was the last time
that any of us felt any joy?

I felt joy last night over dinner
with George Clooney.

He was telling a funny anecdote

about pranking Brad Pitt.

I mean, I want to be more like Karen.

She just does whatever the hell she wants.

She obviously has never done drugs,
but she comes here three times a week

to the meetings
because it makes her happy.

Excuse me, I've literally done every drug.

- Name a drug.
- Okay.

Well, maybe there's a small round one,

or one shaped like a cone.

Oh my God.

You've never done drugs.


But she just comes here
because she's lonely and weird.

- Mae.
- I feel exactly

the same as I did before I ever started
coming to these meetings.

Actually, I feel worse.
I don't... I feel nothing.

I can't even taste food anymore. I tried
having sex with someone last night,

and it made me feel lonelier.

Who did you have sex with?

Peter... Piper. You don't know him.

I'm leaving.

And for the record,
I think Karen should run these meetings.

Hang on a minute.

Yeah, I'm on it.

Hey, wait.

Ellen DeGeneres.

Listen, I like what you said in there.

About finding joy and how
we're the masters of our destinies,

like James Bond.

I don't think I mentioned James Bond.

Wait, what are you doing today?

Wanna hang?

Kevin, I hate everything
that you represent.

I know.

You find my masculinity intimidating,

because it makes you feel inadequate.

But I'm actually a pretty woke guy.

I loved Call Me By Your Name.

Look, I'm bored, Mae.

I'm so f*cking bored.

Let me find joy with you, huh?

I don't want to have sex with you.

Oh, ditto, peewee.

Fine, forget it. It doesn't matter.

Okay, wait.

Do you want to get drunk?

Yes, queen.


Okay, so at the beginning of act two,

we have the soliloquy about the dagger.

Can anyone tell me what a soliloquy is...

Whoa, Deepa, what are you doing?

She's pouring my f*cking bag
out the window!

Yeah, I f*cking am,

and when I'm done, I'm going to punch you
in your f*cking head.

- Deepa, what...
- Daisy said I'm a f*g.

You said what?

Who cares if I called her a f*g,
look what she did.

Well, I care, Daisy. Maybe I f*cking care
what you called her.

Hey! Don't laugh. I'm talking to you.

Maybe I'm a f*g.
Do you have a problem with that?

Do you want to try calling me a f*g,
you little rat?

Try it!

Okay, you're both in deep shit,
and I'm sorry for swearing.

I'm sorry, Joyce, but I just can't
keep quiet about this anymore.

Okay, Daisy James just called Deepa a f*g,
and it's unacceptable.

- What?
- Sorry if it makes people uncomfortable,

but I've decided I'm going
to be teaching LGBT issues

in PSHE.

Sorry, I'm confused, George.

You are supposed to be teaching them
all about LGBTQIA issues.

- What?
- Sexual health?

LGBT history, human rights.

Have you not been teaching that?

I mean, two of your students are trans.

Are they?

If you've not been teaching this,
it's a problem.

No, I have.

I mean, obviously.

But what I'm saying to you
is that I am teaching them,

and I don't care

if it makes people uncomfortable, okay?
So there.

Yes, thank you. Thanks, Joyce.

Um... what should I do about Deepa?

Because she sort of... snapped.

Oh, well, I'll leave that up to you,

You're good with her. She likes you.

- Does she?
- Well, I can only assume so.

You're the only teacher she hasn't tried
to s*ab or called a c**t.

Oh, right.


Can you leave my office now, please,
because I've got a fart coming.

To joy.


Help, help.

You know, I don't even know this band.

Dude, why's it so busy?

They're here for you, Mae.

What do you mean?

Have you not seen?

Seen what?

Arnie Rivers posted your set
from the other week.

You've had close to a million hits.

No, that's insane.

A million? That's a big number.
That's a very big number,

and I know numbers.

All right, look. I gotta start.

Um... you're headlining.

- Headlining?
- Oh, yeah.


Oh, well, I know why you're here.

Give it up for your headliner,

Mae Martin!

The difference between my dick
and Jared's dick

is that I have a ferocious tiger dick,
and Jared's got a quail's egg.

Why are we talking
about Hugh's dick again?

Because I've got the dick of a jungle cat,
and it needs to be discussed.

- He really does.
- I can't. I actually... I can't do...

When was the last time
we had an actual proper conversation?

You know that I broke up with Mae,
and none of you have asked me about it.

Hey, I've got a question.

From now on, are you gonna be
dating chicks or dudes?

Yeah, hopefully dudes,
because I have a plus-one

for my uncle's podcast recording.

What kind of f*cking friendship is this?


Harsh much?

Babe, if you wanted to talk to me
about your feelings,

then why didn't you?

What, like in...

year eight when I told you I was sad about
my eczema, and you just laughed at me?

Are you still holding onto that?


Look, we didn't say anything
about that girl,

because you didn't seem that bothered.

We thought she's just some random chick
you're f*cking for jokes.

Well, she's not some chick.
I'm in love with her.

Well, how were we meant to know that?

And anyway, if you're in love with her,
then why did you dump her, you psycho?

George, where are you going?

- Hey!
- Hey.

That was f*cking awesome.

- Thanks.
- I would've ended it

with "Jizz you later, c**ts."

- Classic.
- Next time, Pete.

You, waiter. Get drinks, and crisps,
and more drinks, hmm?

Come on, I was just onstage.
You saw my set.

So, you've got joy, huh?

- You got it?
- Yeah, I think I have

- like a spark of joy for one second.
- You're on the magic bus now.

There's an angry woman here to see you.

Oh, no, no. Don't let her in.

Um... too late.

- You!
- Shit.


- Oh, hey, Maggie.
- You, you...

had sex with my daughter!


Stop it. Stop it, Mae.

Look, it was just casual.

It just happened.

Lava rang me in floods of tears.

Lava can cry?

Well, she may be blunt,
odd, even... well, really strange,

but that girl is an absolute angel,

and she's spent her whole life
being abandoned

by addicts who she cared for,
and I shouldn't have let you near her,

because you used her, Mae.

Oh, maybe you used me.

'Cause you were filling your time
until you got her back.

She says she doesn't want
to see either of us again,

and I'm going to have to rebuild
my entire relationship with her

from scratch again!

Okay, well...

where am I going to stay?

I don't know.

And I'm sorry to say,
but I don't f*cking care!

And another thing.

I am not your sponsor anymore.

I'm just a really angry older woman
who you used to know!

f*cking out of my way. f*cking sh*thole!

- Hey.
- Oh my God, hi.

- Look, I have to go. I feel f*cking awful.
- Hear me now.

You're James Bond,
and Maggie is a Dementor,

who's determined to suck your joy away.


One huge night.

Whoa tiger, not now.

I am a tiger.

You want your card back?

Are we sure about this?

Kevin, we're the best members
of the NA group.

Watch this.


How do you feel?

Don't say anything, please.


This is us, right?

- Has anyone seen my rucksack?
- Um...


- He's so nice.
- Shut up.

Sorry, mate. Sorry.

- Sorry, man.
- Mae, Mae. Come back.

Whoo! I like it. Papa feels feisty.

- You know, I was engaged once.
- I don't think I'll do comedy anymore.

I think I just wanna be a vagabond poet.

She was a siren calling me to my death.

When I was around her,

- my hand would shake.
- Jazz?

Jack Kerouac, River Phoenix.

The Viper Lounge.

How do you spell swamp of despondency?

I haven't thought about her in years.

Right now, even though I'm talking
about her,

I'm not actually thinking about her.

What are you thinking about right now?

Fine Italian leather.

Do we have any more coke?

Um... no.

We're out. That's it.

Yeah... fine. Okay.

Okay, do you wanna have sex?


- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Um... okay. No, you...

Right, yeah sure, okay.

No, not that. Turn it off.

- Why?
- Turn it off, Mae. Turn it off.

What the f*ck, man?

You used to sing that song
to your fiancée or something?

Shut up.

- I think you should order more coke.
- Yes, definitely.

I'm gonna be right back.

Kevin, your guy's here.


Brenda's your coke dealer?

Out of my way, please.
I need to see Kevin.

- Brenda's my sponsor.
- You called your sponsor?

Kevin, I thought we were having
a good, fun time.

No, we aren't having a good, fun time.

- I'm in hell. I'm sorry.
- It's all right, Kevin.

How is Brenda your sponsor?

I've never even seen you speak
in the meetings.

'Cause I'm embarrassed. Brenda's lame.

I'm sorry, Brenda.

First of all, are there any drugs
in this house?

- No.
- Good.

Second of all, I want you to listen to me.

It's not your fault.

Oh... come on.

Kevin, you are loved.

I don't know. It doesn't matter.

You are loved.

Say it with me.

You are loved.

I don't want to.

I'm human garbage.

Say it. You are loved.

I am loved.

I'm loved.

Mae, hi. You're early.

No, that's fine. Bye.

I rang Maggie.

She says she'll be attending
another group moving forward.

Karen sent a message saying
she's going back to her job

as a lieutenant in the army.

I'm not sure where Brenda
and Kevin are, so...

it looks like it's just us.

I thought you didn't like me very much.

I don't like you.

I really, really don't like you.

I find you entitled,

and I think you endanger
the sobriety of others.

But I don't have to like you to help you.

I don't really like you either.

Okay, moving on. Um...

I don't suppose there's any point
in doing the readings today.



Sorry, I didn't realize we'd had
a sobriety birthday today.

Congratulations, I think you said
it'd been two years.

Ah, I see.

I'm sorry. I don't know why.

When the present moment is intolerable,

we contort ourselves into pretzels
to get away from it.

But the question I would encourage you
to ask is not, "Why did I use?"

We all know why we use. Pain relief.

Instead, ask yourself, "Why the pain?"

Oh, sorry, I'll keep it down. Whoa!



I want you to feel like
this is your home.

I made you this.

- What? Oh, my God.
- Yeah.

Well, I had to photoshop myself in,

because we've never actually
hung out one-on-one.

Oh my God, it really is you.

Well, keep talking. I'm loving this.

I f*cked up. You're my friend.

You really are,

and I want you to teach me the harp,

and, uh, I need you to help me
keep my worms alive.

Like, if they ever look hungry,

I want you to remind me to feed them.


Wait, Phil, come on.
I just did a really big speech.

I'm sorry, man. I just thought you
were gonna say something about Mae

and how you're gonna do
some big, romantic gesture

for her, but... this is mostly
just about the worms.

Yeah, but Mae won't...

It's... it's too late.
No, she's just getting on with her life.

It's just...

you and me now.

Okay, if you say so.

Then I guess it's just you, me,
and the worms...

for eternity.

Mae? Oh, Malcolm?

Mae's on the machine.

Your father's in the garden
counting sparrows.

- I mean, I ask you.
- Hi, Mom.

Wait, what's wrong?

Oh my God, whose toilet are you in?

Can I come home?

I think I wanna come home.

I'll book you a flight.

Where's my credit card?

I'm booking it now.

Do you have money to get to the airport?

I don't know. I don't think so.

Okay, we'll send you money,

and... and get you on a flight.

Just get back here,

and we'll make you some soup.

Malcolm, start boiling down some bones
for stock.

I'm not joking!

Um, so I will call you back.

- Mom?
- What is it?

Are you mad at me?

I was never mad at you.

Okay, thanks.

We'll see you soon.

Hi. Are you okay?

I was wondering, um...

Would you come over later, at like 3:00,
for a coffee?

I just want to say something,
and I want to show you something.

And I'm not expecting anything at all.

- I just... I just...
- I love coffee.

I find it so weird that it comes
from beans.

What's that?

Uh, worms.

- Um, I want to say...
- I need to say some...

- Do you wanna...
- No, you go.

- Okay, sorry.
- Yeah.

I want to say that I thought
I was doing the right thing, ending it.

But I think I was just doing
the easy thing,

and I should've carried your bags.

What bags?

I don't know. Like, if you had bags,
I just should've carried them.

I'm confused about the bags,

- 'cause I don't know...
- Forget the bags. They're just symbolic.

I should have taken care of you.

- And if I could go back, I would.
- I'm going to Canada.

In a couple of days.


I'm going to Canada, because my parents
booked me a flight, so I'm gonna go...

Wh... No, but...

Wait, for how long?

I don't know, like...

Like a while, I think.

Oh, f*ck.

Oh, my God.

Can I come out now?


Um, Mae, this is my mum.

Mum, this is Mae.

- Oh, God.
- Hello.

This has all gone rather badly,
hasn't it, darling?

Shall I do the speech?

- Well...
- Mae,

I wish I'd met you sooner,
but my daughter's been a dunce.

- She didn't realize how important...
- Mum, it's okay.

Please, stop it. I think it's too late.

Mae's made up her mind, so you can go.


- It's nice to meet you.
- Hmm, yes.

- You... you look the same.
- Do we?

- Not to worry.
- Thank you.

- You'll message?
- Yes.

- Bye.
- Thank you, Mum. Bye.

I'm really sorry.

- No, I'm sorry. It's just...
- I didn't know.

It's not enough, sorry.

No, it's not you, it's, um...

You were right about what you said.

That I need to be okay on my own.


Because what I'm doing is just jumping
from thing to thing,

and that's not healthy.

And that's what I do.
I just jump from thing to thing.

- I'm not a thing.
- What?

I'm... I'm a person.

I'm not a thing.

- I know.
- And what...

And what if I'm a person, and...

I'm in love with you?

What am I gonna do?

I don't know what to do without you.
What am I meant to do now?

I need you now.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God! What have you done?

I've always had that.

Okay... whatever.

Your heart is pounding.

Is there anything you need to tell me?
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