01x05 - At the Hospital, an Interlude of Clarity

[bunniefuu]

♪ We face the music together ♪

♪ And throw our hats
in the ring ♪

♪ Facing all kinds of weather ♪

♪ And not afraid of anything ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ When the sun comes up,
we'll be on our way ♪

♪ And we don't care
where we land ♪

♪ And the waves are high,
but we won't turn round ♪

♪ 'Cause your hand
is in my hand ♪

♪ And, oh-oh ♪

♪ You make me feel invincible ♪

♪ 'Cause it's you and me ♪

♪ Through the wind and hail ♪

♪ Setting sail into the world. ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- Facebook or Twitter?
- Wait, it's my turn.

- Star Trekor Star Wars?
- Sorry. Star Wars.

Okay. And Facebook.

Indiana Jones or...

Oh, please don't say
Luke Skywalker.

I wasn't gonna.

Indiana Jones or Grace Jones?

Grace, of course.
Amazing Grace.

- Welcome.
- Thank you.

- You're my first guest.
- I'm honored.

- Give me the tour?
- Bed's going here.

- Lounge area.
- Uh-huh.

- And... kitchen.
- Sorry.

Bathroom's through there.

Okay. And all that for what?
You said $2,200 a month?

What a time to be alive.

- Drinks?
- Yeah. Absolutely.

It's really cozy, though.
I like it.

Plus, no more roommates.

You're like a real adult person.

I'm so grown-up
I don't even have a bedtime.

So what do you got?

I got cherry brandy.

Okay.

- Chilli vodka.
- Bizarre.

- Old gifts.
- Hmm.

Oh, I have gin and... vermouth.

- Martinis?
- Approved.

Perfect.

- Olives or onions?
- Olives.

Red state or blue?

Oh. Eh, let's maybe
stay off politics.

No. Rule is you got to answer.

Well, uh, I'm from a red state,

but I live in a blue one,

so I kind of straddle
the political divide.

Like a good libertarian?

Or a very confused person.

- What?
- You know when

you move into a place
and you visualize

this whole new amazing life
for yourself?

Yeah.

Well, this looks pretty close.

Oh, no, wait.
I'm posting this.

Seriously?

Oh, no.

- I was just...
- What?

Tidying.

I have no game.

Maybe your no-game game
is the most cunning game of all.

Yeah, I've heard
of the no-game game.

That's not what I have.

I actually believe you.

Can we just forget
that that happened?

- Okay. Sure.
- Okay.

Here.

Uh, to your new amazing life.

Ooh.

Well, now it's just lying there
on the floor

like a piece of raw meat.

Pretty much.

Yasmine, I just...
I really had no expectation

that this...
would happen tonight.

Well, it's happening.

But there's...

Literally no way
I can make a move now.

Fine.

Topless or bottomless?

Topless.

Oh, no. Wait, I thought
that you meant on you.

Oh, you want to change
your answer?

Okay.

Boxers or briefs?

I can't remember.

Mm.

♪ ♪

I'll be right back. Okay?

Sorry, no curtains yet.

If you're not back
in two minutes,

I'm gonna get started on my own.

Really?

- This is me at my most inviting.
- Hmm.

- It might need some work.
- Oh, yeah?

Well, how about this?

Are you okay?

Oh. Don't...

Don't.

Call 911.

sh*t.

Yes, ambulance, please.
He's cut his arm badly.

There's lots of blood
everywhere.

Okay. Ad-Address.

507 East 10th Street,
Apartment 1C.

Did you hear that?

Okay, perfect.

- They're on their way.
- Okay.

♪ ♪

Okay.

Um, help me with these.
They're still halfway down.

Or maybe they're halfway up.

- There you go.
- Ooh.

Glass half full
or glass half empty?

Let's play this game later,
yeah?

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Yasmine.
- What?

- Dress.
- Huh?

- Towel.
- Yes.

Okay.

No. No, no, no.
Give me the towel.

- Oh.
- Go.

You know, this isn't
the first time

that a date ended
in the hospital.

I once had
some undercooked chicken

that gave me hallucinations
and a temperature of 104.

You should be really relaxed
about all this.

I am.

- How old are you?
- I'm 31.

33. I'm sorry. I don't know
why I lied just then.

I do.

- Are you on any medication?
- Yeah.

Klonopin. For anxiety.

And antidepressants.

Okay.

Is he your... what? Boyfriend?

Uh, friend.

It's our second date.

I'm not a cutter, by the way.
This isn't a sex injury.

I mean, not a weird one.

- Hey, why are you still talking, Rob?
- I don't know.

- Any allergies?
- No.

- When was the last time you ate?
- Four, uh, five hours ago.

Seafood pasta. Was very good.

Okay. Um, previous surgeries?

I broke my cheekbone once.
Came off a bike.

Mm-hmm.

Get those blinds for me.

Okay. I'm gonna get this.

- Up.
- Okay.

- These are coming off?
- Down.

Yeah, okay.

- Got it?
- Yep. Okay, leg.

Okay.

Want me to lock
this stuff away for you?

I'll take them.

I know exactly how much money
is in there.

Okay.

- Keep that elevated.
- Ah.

Okay, Rob.

I'd like you to count backwards
slowly from ten.

Ten, nine,

eight, seven...

six...

five...

Hmm.

Don't worry.
It's still there.

Oh, you're awake.
I'm Nick.

I'm just gonna
take your blood pressure.

Okay.

Let me see.

Surgery went well.
Doctor was pleased.

Oh, great.

Median nerve damage
can be tricky to repair.

You might have a sore throat and
a dry mouth from the anesthetic,

so keep drinking
plenty of water.

I'll make sure he does.

Okay.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

How long till
I can be discharged?

Oh, not long.
Six hours or so.

So...

Look, you should just go.

That's a...
Six hours is a lot.

Rob, please.

Of course I'll stay.

You'd stay
if the roles were reversed.

Absolutely, I would.

You wouldn't even need
to be in the hospital.

I'd watch you sleep
on a park bench.

Besides,
we're still on our date.

I am calling this
an intermission.

I've been live-blogging it
on social media.

Well, tell 'em
to retake their seats.

Okay. Act two's about to begin.

So...

Glass half full
or glass half empty?

Half full.

Jets or Giants?

Neither. Steelers.

Out of sight or out of mind?

Out of mind.

They're getting very abstract.

It might be the dr*gs.

What about the other dr*gs?

I get anxiety att*cks.

Hmm.

"att*cks" is the wrong word.

For some people,
it's like a storm.

But... for me,
it's more like a fog rolling in.

I kind of... shut down,

and I can't really function
in a social situation.

I was going to tell you.
I just...

Yeah. It's not something
you offer up until you have to.

Exactly.

Anyway...
you seem all calm now.

Thanks.

I'd be freaking out

if you weren't here, though.

Any good responses?

87 likes and 17 comments so far.

Talk of the town.

Oh, um, I left out your name,
just in case you're worried.

So, what are you
calling me, then?

How about "Martini Lover"?

I like "Martini Lover."

It's got that quality of

slightly decadent espionage

that people always
associate me with.

Done.

You shouldbe going out
with a martini lover.

"Rob" is too ordinary somehow.

Yasmine and...

Rob.

Maybe we just need
to rebrand Rob.

Like "New Rob."

Oh, I can't believe
Old Rob ever got this far.

Guys will check you out
and then pull focus to me,

and they're all thinking,
"No, he is never with her."

I think that's in your head.

Meanwhile, I'm asking myself,
"Well, do I seem nervous?

"Eh, will obsessing
about being nervous

"make me appear more nervous?

Does she think
I'm a total nerd?"

Everyone does that, Rob.

But for me, it's paralyzing.

And so, I have no bandwidth left
for the actual experience.

Does that make sense?

Oh.

I suppose I'll have a scar.

- Souvenir.
- I guess it's better than

getting your name tattooed
on my arm.

A guy did that for me once.

Why am I not surprised?
Is that your ex?

Mm-hmm.

Do you mind?

- Uh, no. Go ahead.
- Oh.

Number one, right?

I'm earthy. I'm not a barbarian.

It's like we've
fast-forwarded years somehow.

How do you mean?

People are so concerned to
put on this big front normally,

but now you've seen me
at my most vulnerable.

Frightened, bleeding...

- Naked.
- Exactly.

It's my worst fear realized.

And it's not that bad.

♪ ♪

So, when I had my bike accident,
I must have gone ass over tit,

because the next thing
I remember is waking up

in an ambulance
with my face out to here.

- Oh. Oh, no.
- And the surgeon is saying

that they're gonna put
a little incision in my head

to go in with a little spoon

to lift the cheekbone
back into place.

Okay, well,
that doesn't sound that bad.

Just as I'm getting
the anesthetic,

they explain that this
procedure doesn't always work.

Okay, so what's the alternative?

Alternative is they have to put
a steel plate in.

- Okay?
- But to do that,

they have to slice you
from ear to ear

across the top of your head,

- and then peel your face off.
- No, no, no, no! Stop, stop,

- stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
- And just as they're telling me this,

- one of the great panic att*cks of my career is kicking off.
- Aah!

And then the dr*gs take hold,
and I'm off to la-la land.

Okay, well, everyone would react
the same way.

Yeah, maybe.
As it turns out,

Plan A worked fine.
Scary, though.

I can't tell
which one you broke.

- Good.
- Which one is it?

This one.

- They did a good job.
- Thank you.

Jesus.

Last of the Mohicans.

My father used
to smoke like that

before he d*ed.

I'm sorry.

- Was that the...
- Cause of death?

Didn't help.

Was he sick for long?

You really want
to hear the story?

The short version is he had
a massive brain hemorrhage.

And the long version?

It was my 30th birthday.

Um...

we had a big party...
lots of family and friends.

Finally crawled into bed
at my boyfriend's at about 6:00.

The next morning,
my father made breakfast

and brought it up
to my mother in bed.

She told me afterwards
that they made love,

and then he dozed off
while she showered.

When she came out,
his face had collapsed

and, uh,
his speech was slurred.

She called an ambulance, but
there was nothing to be done.

At the hospital,
I sat with him the whole time.

I remember going for a walk

while the nurse
gave him a bed bath.

As she was finishing,
I saw him through the curtains.

He was naked,

hooked up to all these machines,
but he was so beautiful.

Like some Pieta by Michelangelo.

Anyway, he d*ed an hour later.

You sure
you don't want something?

I can't eat yet.
I'll just get some water.

- Let me get it.
- No, no. It's fine.

I'll get it. I can do it.

- You sure?
- Yeah.

♪ ♪

Hey, how are you?

Ah.

I'm not getting you another.

Fair.

Do you ever wonder what kind
of disabled person you'd be?

- See, that's the kind of
crap I fixate on. -

- And what did you decide?
- Oh, I'd be awful.

I'd be consumed by anger
and self-pity.

I'd certainly become
an alcoholic.

You mean a full-blown one?

Ow. That stings more
than my arm.

Sorry.

Low-hanging fruit.

I'd spend years
in pointless litigation.

You're so hard on yourself.

And then, if any woman ever
showed me any kindness,

I'd make them regret it
instantly.

How so?

Like, I would willfully mistake
it for romantic attention,

and then I'd become enraged
if they didn't follow through.

Like, full incel.

Uh, I don't know you very well,

but this doesn't sound like you.

Just thank God
this wound is gonna heal,

for all our sakes.

So, what kind of disabled person
do you think I'd be?

Oh.
You'd be an inspiration.

- Would I, now?
- For sure.

You'd adjust really quickly.

You'd throw yourself into advocacy.

You'd be on
the Paralympic archery team.

- There'd be TED Talks and
cosmetics contracts. - Oh.

All right, all right,
you might be overreaching.

No, you'd be, like, completely
redefining beauty standards

for the 21st century.

- You're ridiculous.
- I'm also high.

Thank you.

Didn't know you smoked.

I don't, really.

This is disgusting.

Can I ask you something serious?

Sure.

What happened
with your boyfriend?

We hadn't known each other
that long,

and we were suddenly
into this really intense thing.

That's good sometimes, no?

Was asking a lot.

- I was pretty hard to be around.
- No.

I think you have a slightly
false impression of me.

How?

Well...
take this evening.

I seem like a total hero for
staying up all night with you,

- right?
- Well...

To everyone online,
I seem so considerate.

But what am I gonna do,

go to a nightclub
and check on you tomorrow?

When you put it like that, uh...

It's a bit too important to me,
though, that perception.

Now you'rejust being
hard on yourself.

This isn't easy to admit,

but you've been so honest
with me.

Everyone likes attention,
Yasmine.

Yeah, but 87 likes
is a big disappointment.

Okay.

I want your neighbors
to see me through the windows

and desire me.

I want that paramedic to think

I'm the funniest girl
he's ever met.

Why this need to make strangers
fall in love with me?

What's the difference?

- It's harmless.
- It's manipulative.

But so long
as you're aware of it.

- That comment you made about
guys checking me out. -

You can't help that, surely.

Oh, I can.

I'm doing it.

What?

Okay. My friends and I used
to do this thing on the Metro,

as teenagers.

If you're going
down the escalator,

we'd compete to get
the most guys to notice us.

How?

Eye contact.

A smile.

That's all it takes.

I have noticed that, actually.

So did my ex.

He'd call me on it.

I'd get defensive, convince him
that he was paranoid.

It was pretty shitty of me.

Hmm.

You're right, you know.

I'm really good at dating,

but I'm also hard
to be around long-term.

So we decided to take a break.

Oh.

Okay.

When was this?

A few weeks ago.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

No. It's okay. It's...

You know, I mean,

we never really talked about...
anything serious.

Just small talk.

Well, it's certainly
big talk now.

Did you get in and out okay?

Oh. Yes.

I've put some clothes
in the closet for you.

- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.

♪ People talking ♪

♪ People strange ♪

♪ Cracked a code to ♪

♪ The human brain ♪

♪ And try to wrestle ♪

♪ Thoughts into place ♪

♪ Before your body ♪

♪ Goes astray ♪

♪ If you want it ♪

♪ Play the game ♪

♪ If you feel it ♪

♪ Try to stay ♪

♪ I've been wonderin' ♪

♪ Will you stay the same? ♪

♪ People talking ♪

♪ People strange ♪

How was the apartment?

Like the Manson murders
crime scene.

♪ ♪

♪ You're just special ♪

♪ Because you're sane ♪

♪ That old monster
on your shoulder ♪

♪ Won't go away ♪

♪ Pass the whiskey ♪

♪ I'll drink it straight ♪

♪ Holy, holy ♪

♪ Beyond the pale. ♪

Coffee?

Thanks.

- Danish or strudel?
- Mm. I don't care.

Rule is you got to answer.

Danish, then.

Thank you.

What a gorgeous scene.

Yeah.

I'm impressed you've fought
the urge to put it on Instagram.

I would, but my battery's dead.

Yeah.

I got to say, I...

I had fantasized
about you staying over

and us getting breakfast.

It was a little different
in my imagination.

Well, that could still happen.

Really? Even after tonight?

Please, don't have
an anxiety att*ck.

Ooh. sh*ts fired.

Meantime, this is good.

No?

Better than good.

Here. To your new, amazing life.

Oh, the apartment.

- Oh, my God.
- I'll help you clean up.

Will you help me move out?

Can we just sit here a bit?

Sure.

But I might need to lay down.

- Is it okay?
- Mm-hmm.

Will you hold that for a sec?

- Sure.
- Thanks.

- What are you...
- I'm trying to...

- Let me.
- Would you?

I can't do it.

- Thank you. Very sweet.
- Yeah.

♪ ♪

- Can I say something?
- Hmm?

I really appreciate this.

- Mm.
- No, I mean it.

I-I-I know that
we've only just now met

and nothing has really happened.

And I know that you're just
out of an intense relationship,

and I'm not really, probably,
you know, a long-term prospect.

But I just want to say,
whatever happens,

this meant something.

Honestly,
if I never see you again,

or if you stick around
a very long time,

or anything in between
those two, it's all...

Yasmine, are you asleep?

Hmm?

What?

How much of that did you hear?

Why are you still talking, Rob?

I don't know. I'm sorry.

I'm good.

♪ Another year has
come and gone ♪

♪ Another circle round the sun ♪

♪ Another thousand tears have ♪

♪ Fallen ♪

♪ I don't ever
count 'em 'cause ♪

♪ I'm surrounded by your love ♪

♪ And days are never
long enough ♪

♪ Four more seasons on parade ♪

♪ Show their colors,
then they fade ♪

♪ But that won't happen to us ♪

♪ Darlin' ♪

♪ We'll remember how it was ♪

♪ Then begin again because ♪

♪ Days are never long enough ♪

♪ Time's never late ♪

♪ Isn't bound by our fate. ♪