02x07 - The Fey Realm

[bunniefuu]

[Keyleth] Oh, no. Oh. Oh, no.

[Percy] What happened
to the others?

- Uh, I don't know.
- Where's Pike?

- How do you not know?!
- Breathe, all right?

- Just tell us what you remember.
- [exhales]

I tried to take us
to the next vestige.

U-Umbrasyl... disrupted
my spell. I...

I managed to transport us here,
but the others went...

somewhere else?

[quietly] At least we're together.

I shouldn't have tried
to pull off a spell like that.

If you hadn't, they wouldn't
just be lost, they'd be dead.

But... Pike.

- She was...
- With Grog and Scanlan.

We have to believe
they're okay.

[Vex] They aren't
the only ones lost.

Where the hell are we?

[Keyleth] Well...

I was trying to take us

to the next
Vestige of Divergence.

I think you succeeded.

It's here.

Somewhere.

[twittering]
[gasps] Hello, little floof.

Oh, that is the prettiest
bird I have ever...

[squawking]

Oh!

[belching]

Friends,
welcome to the Fey Realm.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[Keyleth] Without Pike,
we don't have a healer,

and without Grog,
we don't have our muscle

and without Scanlan, we have...

Less d*ck jokes.

Ugh. This grass is
making me dizzy.

Look. [whistles]

[sound resonates]

Scanlan said his vision
of the Fey Realm

was like a drug trip.

And that the Fenthras Bow was
inside a twisted tree in a bog.

He also said sheep's milk is
his favorite lubricant, so...

[Percy] We should check
that distant range.

Most bogs drain
from the mountains.

How far away is that?

Uh...

Did... did I break it?

Well, the Fey Realm does have
a sense of humor.

A twisted one, at that.

Is anything as it seems here,
de Rolo?

In my youth, I was fascinated
by the Fey Realm.

The mystery, the danger.

Why, I read every single text
I could get my hands on.

You needn't worry.

Follow my lead,
and we'll be just fine.

Hmm?

[hissing]
[Percy yelps]

[chuckles weakly] Oh...

[creatures chittering]

[Vex] Looks like we have
to get through that...

whatever that is.

Oh, what was
this called again...

Ah, yes!

An Awoken Grove.

The environment may react
to your mood.

Just project positivity
and it will remain harmless.

Watch.

[humming jaunty tune]

[others humming]

Oh, this is so stupid.

[choking]

Vax!

[plant squeals]

[hissing]

Damn!

Time for a different approach.

They're plants!
Can't you control them?

It's like they can't
understand me!

[grunting]

[plant squeals]

[grunting]

Can't believe I'm wasting
this on a plant.

[panting]

Harmless?

Bizarre.
That shouldn't have happened.

I don't understand.

[grunts] What else is new?

[Vax] Come on.
We're almost through.

[creature chitters]

[creature] Oh.

[Percy] Apologies.

[conversation continues indistinctly]

[grunting]

[groans]

Uh, Vax?

Vex?

[Grog grunts]

[Scanlan] Where is everybody?

sh*t. Oh, sh*t, Pike!

- [Pike groans]
- [Scanlan gasps]

[groans]

- [Scanlan] Pike!
- [coughing]

Oh, I'm so sorry, I...

Oh. What did I do?

[Pike] It was an accident.

Do me a favor.

Put... that thing down.

- [coughs]
- Easy.

Try not to move.

[grunts softly]

[groans]

I gotta heal myself.

Pikey? Did you stop leakin'?

I'm trying, buddies,

but the wound won't close
all the way.

[both gasp]

What?

[Scanlan] I knew it.
I knew it!

That sword is
totally f*cking evil!

It's not! It makes me strong.

There's nothin' wrong with it!

It was soaking up her blood!

- [exhales]
- [Scanlan] That thing nearly k*lled her!

It wasn't the sword's fault.

I mean, maybe it
egged me on a little...

It egged you on?

[groans]

Okay, buddy,
you have to get rid of it.

[Grog whines]

[Craven Edge] They do not understand.

Look how strong I made you.

[growls]

Grog, please...

That thing belonged
to Sylas Briar...

[Craven Edge]
You are nothing without me.

- [Pike] ...ever since you picked it up.
- They are jealous.

You're right.

They are jealous.

- It talks to you?
- [groans]

[Scanlan] I don't know what
that sword is telling you...

[Craven Edge] I hunger.

Grog.

Grog? What are you doing?

[Pike exhales]

Buddies, don't do this.

Who are you gonna
listen to, huh?

That sword...

or me?

[groans]

[Craven Edge] You hunger.

[growls]

[shouts]

[Craven Edge] What are you doing?

Nope. Not listening. Sorry!

[grunting]

[shouts]

[Craven Edge] Fool!

You are not destroying me,

you're destroying us!

[yells]

[panting]

Do it, buddies.

[straining]

[Craven Edge] If this is the end,
I'm taking you with me!

[shouts]

[Craven Edge] No!

[Grog cries out]

[birds twittering]

[bird calling]

[screams]

Hmph.

Um, I think we've
been here before.

To the untrained eye,
the Fey Realm can be confusing.

The ground only looks familiar

because the landscape
is shifting.

A-Are you sure?

'Cause we've been walking
for a while, and...

the sun's in
the exact same spot.

Oh. [chuckles]

There is an explanation
for that.

[creature] Oh!
[mutters]

[chitter in distance]
You see, time's...

a bit wonky
in the Fey Realm.

Doodi-li-doo.
[humming]

Hey. Whatcha doin'?

[yelps]

- [Grog groans]
- He's waking up.

Grog?

You with us?

I don't know what came over me.

I know.

Everything's okay now.

Uh... is it?

I mean, I thought
you healed him.

[quietly] Yeah, I tried.

But whatever Craven Edge did,
I couldn't reverse it.

[Grog] Hmm?

Oh! My muscles.
Where'd they go?

No. No, no, no, no. [wails]

[burbles]

Oh, gods, I'm as puny as Vax!

- [sobbing]
- Easy, easy, buddy.

Hey, svelte is
a good look on you.

And-and-and you didn't
lose your beard, huh?

Plus, Pike says
there's an elixir

- that can bring your muscles back.
- [whimpers]

You can make one of those?

Well, not without ingredients.

But I, I-I think I know
where we can get help.

[gasps] Really?

Where even are we?

Well, from the look
of those hills...

back on Tal'Dorei?

Damn. Keyleth, you really
need to learn your spells.

Grog, I promise.

We're gonna fix you.

[sobs] Mm-hmm?

- [Vex] Start talking.
- [wailing]

Why are you spying on us?

Who are you?

No one...
so can you put me down?

Gladly.

[screaming]

[panting]

[screaming]

Ah! [grunts]

[pants]

Let's try again.

Who are you,
and why are you following us?

A simple wanderer who enjoys
a little entertainment.

You can call me Garmelie.

What are you reading?

Ooh! Nothing! No reading.
I-I-I can't read.

- [Vax] Uh, that's, uh...
- Oh, no!

- ...curious.
- It's not what you think it, sir.

Keeping notes on us, were you?

- [Garmelie] No, don't open that. No...
- Uh...

- O-Oh.
- [Garmelie] No, I did not draw those.

- [Percy] Oh, my.
- [Vex] Oh.

[Percy] Ugh...

[Garmelie] Well, unless
you like them. [chuckles]

[Vex] The likenesses aren't bad.

Why do I have three peni?

Art is subjective.

Oh, ah, no need to be angry,

seeing as how
Garmelie can guide you

where you need to go.

And how do you know
where we want to go?

Didn't say
where you want to go.

Said where you need to go.

[humming]

My books were filled
with creatures like this.

- Best we ignore him.
- Your books

have done a fat lot
of good for us so far.

Percy's only trying to help.

Yeah. Heard that before.

[Percy] Well.

Now that the irritating
illustrator is gone,

I can concentrate on
navigating us through...

[crunching]

[sighing] Of course.

You sure
you don't need any help?

[Grog grunting]

I think I got it.

I can feel...

my strength...

coming... Whoa.

[grunts]

[muffled] I just need...
a minute.

Uh, come on, man.

At least let us help
out a little.

No!

[grunting]

[high-pitched whimper]

A little.

♪ ♪

[Pike] All right.
Let's move our big boy.

[Pike] ♪ Well, we got
some miles behind us ♪

♪ And we got some more
to steer ♪

[Scanlan]
♪ And it's mighty hard ♪

♪ 'Cause there ain't no brothels ♪

♪ In between there and here ♪

[Pike]
♪ Over rocky roads and rivers ♪

♪ Trudge along this twistin' land ♪

[Scanlan] ♪ Just two wandering
souls and a big ole dummy ♪

♪ Ridin' on a magic hand ♪

- [gurgling]
- [both] ♪ I'm makin' my way ♪

♪ I'm makin' my way ♪

♪ From the top of
this shitty mountain ♪

♪ To the bottom
of this g*dd*mn bay ♪

♪ I'm makin' my way ♪

- ♪ I'm makin' my way ♪
- [grunts]

- Whew.
- [Grog screams]

♪ And I'd rather be ballin',
but instead ♪

- [screaming]
- ♪ I'm haulin' his ass for another day ♪

♪ I'm makin' my way ♪

♪ I'm makin' my way ♪

[gulping loudly]

E-Easy, easy, whoa. Whoa.

Hey, I got you, pal.

[gulps, sputters]

I can't even drink.
Oh...

Ah, this is worse than death!

- Aw...
- You're not peak Grog.

But, uh, there's plenty of
stuff you're still useful for.

Yeah? Like what?

Well, like a... a doorstop?

Paperweight?
Hey, you'd make a neat rug, huh?

What? Rug?

[sobbing]

Buddy.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

Tilt back. Come on, I got ya.

Don't want to stain
your tiny, tiny chest.

- Yeah?
- [Pike chuckles]

Huh?

What, did I say
something wrong again?

- That's sweet.
- [scoffs] Nah.

- You're-you're making fun of me.
- No.

No. I-I just...

I never thought I'd see
Scanlan the caregiver.

It's... not a bad thing.

Oh. Uh... Well, I mean,

if you're into this, I can put
on my naughty nurse's outfit.

Huh?

[Pike sighs]

Oh. Wait, no...

Pike, I...

[exhales] God.

Stupid.

- [Grog spits, grunts]
- [birds squawking]

- [Grog] Uh, Scanlan? Ow!
- Huh?

- Little help?
- Oh, God! Uh, uh...

Shoo! Shoo! Get! Get away!

- Get! Get off him!
- [Grog grunting]

There's water up ahead.

I think we finally found
our destination.

[farting voice]
"Welcome to the Fey Realm."

[farts]

Garmelie's here to help
when you need him.

I can literally see the bog
we need, thank you.

Sounds like you have
all the answers, then.

Well, goodie for you.

[trilling]

Percy, you study these?

Of course. They're, uh...

Well... well, I think
they're called, uh...

Oh, fine, I have no idea.

Garmelie...
And he's gone again.

Well, they're pretty.

Which means
they're probably super deadly.

[Vex] Whatever they are,

we should keep moving.

Me again?

[hisses]
Ah!

- [groans]
- I was joking about the deadly thing.

- That was a joke!
- [grunts]

[hissing]

Well, that's a problem.

[Vax] Oy! Heads up!

[Vax grunts]

Vax, look!

It's... growing?
[deep growling]

[Vax] Oh, what the f*ck?

It's an amalgamation.

Try to break it apart.

[crackling]
f*ck's sake.

[Keyleth grunts]

[Keyleth] Oh, come on.

The plants in this realm
are real assholes!

Ah, I think I scared it off.

sh*t.

No. No, I didn't!

Trinket.

[Trinket growls]

[grunts, coughs]

[Percy] Hang on!

[Vex] I'll get him.

[grunts]

[both coughing]

[Vax] No!

[Vax] It's after me...

Right.

Come on, ugly!

[panting]

Keyleth! Vex'ahlia!

Thank goodness. I was worried
those spores might've...

- [Keyleth giggling]
- [Vex] Mm...

...affected you?

[giggling]

♪ ♪

[coughs]

Ah...

[laughing]

Wha...

[mushrooms babbling, laughing]

[slow motion] Vex'ahlia?

Oh, hey...

Are you okay?

Whoa.

[breathes deeply]

- [voice] sh*t, girl.
- Hmm?

[flowers giggling]

You are proper f*cked up.

[laughter]

[laughing] That is not what
I imagined you'd sound like!

I know, right?

[both laughing]

[sobbing]

I was just so mean
to you guys.

Let's never fight again,
okay? I love you so much.

[flowers] We love you, too!

♪ ♪

[sobs happily]

- [Vex snoring]
- [Keyleth laughing]

[Percy groans]

[panting]

[exhales] What?

The Matron.

[Percy] Vax!
Incoming!

Move!

- [blobs chittering]
- What are you doing here?

I wasn't about
to give up on you.

There must be a way...

Some natural weakness...

Water.

On my mark, take it for a drink.

And... charge!

Just a moment!

[Vax] Uh...

Percy...

Blast it.

Diplomacy, f*ck's sake, work!

Now!

[grunts]

[crackling]

[water flowing]

[Vax] I didn't want your help.

That's the thing with nobles.

We're rather stubborn.

I know I've made mistakes.

But I also know something
about carrying darkness.

Whatever happens,
I'll have your back.

[Vax] That creature...

it was drawn to me.

You saw it, too.

Yes, the way
everything's reacted.

It's as if
the realm's against you.

It's this armor.

The Matron...

I-I don't know what's happening,
but it's like...

...I'm headed in a different
direction from the rest of you.

I appreciate you
having my back, Percival.

But where I'm going,
I don't think you can follow.

[Vex groans]

Feels like a hangover
without any of the fun.

Not me. I feel incredible.

Like my mind connected
to nature on a spiritual level.

I mean, I get it now.

We are all just prisoners
of our own anxieties,

searching for connection
in this...

[stomach gurgles loudly]

- Ugh...
- Oh, man...

- Oh, I can taste the colors...
- Oh. Yeah.

- [Vex gags]
- [laughs]

Oh, this will be a good one.

I'm going to guess you had
something to do with this.

Well, you guess wrong.

Garmelie was merely
the traveler on this journey.

For your next journey,
the Shademurk awaits.

Shademurk?

That bow of yours?

The tree you seek lies there.

You all managed
to legitimately entertain,

so Garmelie will guide you.

- If you accept his help?
- [Percy grunts]

You're the expert.

[Garmelie chuckles]

[Thordak] They escaped.

Yet you focus on mere relics.

They are known as
the Vestiges of Divergence.

This is but one of many.

What do I care
of mankind's baubles?

Thordak, they could imbue the
Conclave with incredible power.

Our ascension would be assured.

It is already assured!

You are most loyal, Umbrasyl.

Seek out these weapons if they
will be advantageous to us.

But do not neglect my riches.

The fool could become a god,

served by champions armed
with vestiges.

But all he can think
about is gold.

Thordak's plans will
reveal themselves in time.

And when they do,

we will all be gods.

[Scanlan grunting]

[whimpers] I'm useless.

Might as well replace me
with a corpse.

A dead corpse.

[groans]

[Pike] Oh, don't worry, Grog.

We'll get you
back to your usual self,

and we'll find
the rest of the team.

[sighs] Everlight,
please protect them.

Wherever they are.

[Scanlan] Guys...

Guys!

We're here.

[exhales]

[Garmelie humming]

[gasps]

[Vax] How?

[Garmelie] Ooh, a city.

Garmelie had forgotten
about this little hamlet.

That's pretty weird,
even for this place.

I thought you were guiding us
to the Shademurk.

Oh, yes.

One day, it just appeared
out of nowhere. Pop!

Alas, we'll have to pass
through it to reach your bog.

[Keyleth] That city
almost looks Elven.

[Vax] That's because it is.

It's Syngorn.

You've been there before?

We lived there.

With our father.

♪ I'm makin' my way ♪

♪ I'm makin' my way ♪

♪ From the top of
this lowly hillside ♪

♪ Through the realm
of the soulless Fey ♪

♪ I'm makin' my way ♪

♪ I'm makin' my way ♪

♪ And all of us dread
the trouble that lies ahead ♪

♪ At the end of
this wayward day ♪

♪ I'm makin' my way ♪

Chirp.