If there's one thing I've learned
from this crazy mambo called life,
it's that anyone can be a birthday father,
but it takes a heart full of birthdays
to be a true Birthday Dad.
- ♪ Got a heart full of birthday... ♪
- Stop! Go back!
There it is.
Please tell me you guys see that.
Oh! Looks great! Uh, love it!
What's wrong with your face?
I just don't buy it,
Director Flea Daniels.
That just doesn't look like the honest,
trustworthy face of a Birthday Dad.
What?
This is clearly the face
of a guy who did something terrible,
like, I don't know,
cheat on his girlfriend
with his ex-wife a couple of times
and instead of confessing
to his girlfriend, asked her to marry him,
so now they're engaged,
and she still has no idea.
Can't you see he's racked with guilt?
It's all over his very handsome face!
Did Birthday Dad cheat on his girlfriend?
No, I'm just saying he looks like he did.
We have to re-edit the scene.
No. You've been dragging this out
with your ridiculous tweaks and demands
for what is the stupidest premise
I've ever seen.
I gotta go prep my next film,
"The Diary of Anne Frankenstein."
- "Birthday Dad" is over.
- Huh? No, I'm over!
Over the moon about continuing to work
on this project!
Go home.
Wha...
Hey, do you wanna keep hanging out?
Let's go raid a greeting card aisle
and come up with our next project!
"Detective John GetWellSoon,"
"Officer Mike Condolences,"
"President Blank Inside"!
Uh, I should probably get home to my baby.
Oh! Congrats on your new baby...
is another great idea for a movie!
Yeah. Sounds like fun.
Oh, Renata, I'm so sorry I'm late.
Third time this week.
- I quit.
- Oh! No! Renata!
Who will take care of Natalie or Needles
or whatever her name ends up being?
Would you stay if I named her Renata?
I understand you are very respected
in your field, so I ask you this.
Would you work for a client
who has no regard for your time,
your personal boundaries,
and your general well-being?
Yes, that's all my clients.
Well, she is your client now.
Good luck.
Oh.
Come on.
Ooh, there ya go. There ya go.
Mommy's coming.
Okay. Nanny quits. No sweat.
It just so happens it's "National
Take Your Infant Daughter To Work
While You Desperately Try
To Hire A New Nanny
And Neither One Of You Has Slept
A Wink Day!"
That sounds fun.
I gotta go to a bunch of meetings today.
- Or as I call it, Todd-Day.
- Todd-Day, yes, I'm aware.
- What meetings?
- After I got fired
from "What Time Is It Right Now,"
suddenly everyone else wanted to meet me.
That's marvelous!
Have fun failing upwards!
I always do!
Come on.
Hey, there! Shh. Here ya go.
Sorry, I can tell I'm interrupting
your meeting with David O. Russell,
so I'll make this quick.
I'm making a list of people
I need to apologize to.
- Oh?
- Yeah.
And I don't wanna waste your time
with another apology.
How thoughtful.
But do you remember the name
of that assistant from, like, 20 years ago
who I screamed at for bringing me
a room temp Capri-Sun
and told to quit the business?
Whatever happened to that guy?
Derek? I think he quit the business.
So, I gave him good advice, then?
Hey, what do you think of Riley
for a girl's name?
No good. I slept with a Riley once.
Didn't end well.
- How about...
- Maybe you should not ask me
about any women's names.
- Ooh! Loud baby.
- Stuart!
I need you to clear my schedule
for the day.
My number-one priority
is finding a new nanny.
Uh-huh. Also, I was supposed to remind you
about the "Manatee Fair" photo sh**t
for the "Hollywoo Women
Who Do It All" issue.
Oh, yeah. When is that happening?
- Right now.
- What?
I was supposed to remind you yesterday.
Princess Carolyn, why am I not looking
at your pretty kitty face
at my photo sh**t, so I can decide later
which parts to retouch?
- I don't think I can make it, Amanda.
- Too bad. Vanessa Gekko's here.
Gekko? Well, that's fine if Vanessa needs
to get the word out
about her struggling business,
but I'm too busy doing it all
to pose for a photo
of "Women Who Do It All."
Well, sure, I know that,
and you know that, but does the industry?
I've got two words for you, Karen Kitada.
The creator of "Med School Nights"?
Karen Kitada created
the number-one show on network television,
and its spin-off,
"Med School Nights: The Day Shift."
Everyone wanted to work with her,
everyone!
She had more overall deal offers
than an OshKosh B'gosh outlet.
- Then a baby fell out of her!
- Well, that's...
She took three weeks off.
Three weeks!
And when she came back,
"Tumbleweeds", "Crickets"...
And those are just two of the projects
she wasn't offered
because the studios were dubious
about her priorities.
- Do you have the right priorities?
- Of course I do!
Then prove it!
Leave your work and get your picture taken
for my magazine.
If not for you, do it for Karen Kitada.
Kitada, Kitada, Kitada...
Hello?
Todd, I have to go to a photo sh**t.
I need you to take the baby
for an hour or so.
Well, you know
how much I love hanging out
with Untitled Princess Carolyn Project...
Sure, I'd be happy to.
Great. I'll see you at VIM in 15 minutes.
Um... okay?
Kitada, Kitada, Kitada, Kitada...
How do you do it all?
I just think of myself as having multiple
apps running at the same time.
I have my mom app, and my career app,
and my wife app, and my yoga body app,
and they're all just constantly going,
all the time.
- Princess Carolyn.
- Amanda! Vanessa!
You've met my oldest, Yancy Charlemagne?
- 'Sup.
- Charmed.
And where is your little precious ball
of wonderful?
I didn't know we were supposed
to bring our kids.
It's a photo sh**t
for "Women Who Do It All."
The kids are part of the "All,"
otherwise we'd just be "Women Who Do."
- Hello?
- Todd. Change of plans.
Kitada, Kitada...
Come on. Shh. Please, not now.
And who is this adorable pin cushion?
I haven't even had a spare minute
to think of a name.
It's a lot of pressure.
I don't want my daughter to resent me
for the rest of her life
because I named her
something stupid like...
Light Socket.
- Aw...
- Don't listen to her, Light Socket.
- She's just jealous.
- Uh-oh. Sorry!
And what have you been working on
that's been keeping you so busy?
We just locked picture on "Birthday Dad"
with Mr. Peanutbutter.
That sounds awfully masculine.
- Dad, mister...
- Nut?
- Pean?
- Right, but I'm producing it, so...
Strong independent woman. Doing it all.
Oh, it sounds like you're doing it all
for yourself,
but the new doing it all
is doing it all for other women.
Oh, yeah, well, the twist
about "Birthday Dad" is the women
have equal screen time to the men
in the movie,
and the same number of birthdays!
- Very subversive.
- Less man. More Leslie Mann.
Cut out what you need to.
If it makes sense, that's a bonus.
Gotta go!
Ladies, we have got to find time
to connect like this more often.
This is so empowering.
We could put together
a kind of low-key salon
where women exchange ideas
and support each other.
With bagels!
I'd be more than happy to host,
and take care of the caterer, and emcee.
You know, it all!
- I'll co-host!
- In that case, why not blow it out?
- Let's make it an event.
- Oh, well...
Princess Carolyn, VIM has that massive
foyer that never has anyone waiting in it.
- You could finally put it to use!
- We could.
Move that. That's too close to the wall.
And I happen to know The Fugees
have been looking for the right time
to do a reunion concert.
Should I call Lauryn? Hill?
I call her Lauryn.
A concert? Well, that'll take some time
to put together.
Bring it on a little bit. Move it up
a quarter of an inch. Do you mind?
Since it's on your turf,
I'll focus on the big-picture stuff
and leave all the organization
and planning to you.
- I wouldn't wanna step on your toes.
- We wouldn't want that.
- Thanks for stepping up, Princess Carolyn.
- Uh-huh...
Okay! Watch the birdie!
One, two, three!
Kitada, Kitada, Kitada, Kitada...
Do it for Karen Kitada, Kitada, Kitada...
Do it for Karen Kitada, Kitada, Kitada...
Do it for Karen Kitada, Kitada, Kitada...
Do it for Karen Kitada...
Ah!
Hello?
Just wanted to give you
a super quick update
on all the dietary restrictions
for the "Do It All Ball."
It's a ball now?
A ball, a gala,
whatever you wanna call it.
It was just supposed to be a bagels.
Bagels. Balls. Is this really the Lauryn
you want to die on?
- What?
- Sorry, I meant hill. I call her Lauryn.
Maybe I should call you back
when I can write this down.
- I'm...
- The Fugees are in, and they love fruit,
especially Fuji apples,
but they're not fans of Fiji water.
- Fuji for The Fugees, but no Fiji.
- Got it.
Marian is a vegetarian, Meagan is vegan,
and Carrie and a few other luminaries,
like Gerwig and Larson, won't eat dairy.
Cloister the oysters,
say "ta-ta" to the tartare,
make sure there's no feta for Greta,
or brie for Brie!
Perfect. Is that a fussy baby I hear?
Here's a little trick I learned.
♪ Bye ♪
Kitada, Kitada, Kitada...
Diane, hey!
Look, now isn't really the best time.
I came up with a bunch more
great baby names
while I was interviewing
this boring senator.
- Huh?
- Okay, but...
Jacinda, like the New Zealand
prime minister
who had a baby while in office.
Or what about Ravital,
which is Hebrew for an abundance of dew.
Is it weird I haven't picked a name yet?
Ah! Don't worry about it.
My parents didn't name me until I was four
and I turned out great, right?
- Right?
- Listen, I gotta go. Bye!
Wait! What about Lucretia?
So, you were saying your wife
went missing in this wheat field?
Oh, there she is!
Move the vase over there.
Those flowers are dead.
Princess Carolyn, the band changed
their mind about the apples.
They'd prefer sweeter ones for this event.
But they're okay with Fiji if it's frigid.
Okay, I follow so far.
For this gala, Gala apples over Fuji
for the Bee Gees... I mean, Fugees.
But we have to keep their Fujis frigid.
- Got it.
- No, their Fijis frigid.
Right. That's what I meant.
Also, it turns out Marian is pescatarian,
and Meagan is no longer vegan,
but she is refusing to sit
next to Chrissy Teigen.
And now Carrie eats just dairy.
Okay. Marian, pescatarian.
Meagan, not vegan,
but does hate Teigen.
Carrie loves dairy. Got it.
Gala for the gala,
but Fugees like Fiji and frigid Fuji...
Fiji! Fish!
Oh, you think that's funny?
And how's my favorite client?
It's me. I stole Mr. Peanutbutter's phone.
I had to... Wait. Is Mr. Peanutbutter
your favorite client?
Let's circle back on that.
What's goin' on?
Your "favorite client" just showed up
at my rehab
- for the "Friends and Family Meeting."
- The what?
Not important. But can you please
come collect your "favorite client"?
Yeah. Hang tight.
- Okay.
- Thanks.
Fuji koojee koojee, Greta feta, Brie brie.
Oh, hi, Brie... I-I mean, Flea.
- What did you do to my film?
- We had to make some edits.
You mixed all the flashbacks together
with the present-day scenes,
the relationships are incomprehensible,
we don't even know how Birthday Dad dies!
Audiences are sophisticated.
We don't need to spell everything out
for them.
It's 42 minutes long and it ends
in the middle of a sentence!
- Leaving room for a sequel!
- I ain't got time for this.
I'm prepping a sensitive
coming-of-age movie
about a young girl in hiding,
built out of the reanimated corpses
of other young girls in hiding.
In spite of everything, me still believe
people good, fire bad!
Not now, Chloë Grace.
So, "Birthday Dad" needs another pass.
- You can still...
- No. Deuces. I'm outta here.
As the n*zi scientists learn
in my new film that I'm just now realizing
is in possibly poor taste,
there are only so many times
you can take something apart
and put it back together.
Put it
back together, put it back together...
Gala for the gala. Fuji...
- So here I am, digging a hole...
- Fiji... Oh, excuse me.
I have to pick up my Peanutbutter
at Pastiches
and get back to Fiji for the Bee Gees...
I mean Fuji for the "Mujis."
Your arm looks pretty ripped up.
Is that all from needles?
Yeah, my baby's needles.
Uh, listen, we're about to go
have some chamomile tea
and do a little guided meditation.
Why don't you join us?
Well, I guess a quick break couldn't hurt.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, you okay?
You've been asleep for a really long time.
Huh? What?
Why am I here? Mr. Peanutbutter?
- Oh, yeah! Mr. Peanutbutter.
- ♪ Who's that dog? ♪
- "Birthday Dad" is over.
- Huh? No, I'm over!
Over the moon about continuing to work
on this project!
Go home.
And I was like,
"Ilana, you have to be my maid of honor."
Um...
And then my other friend Ilana was like,
"Were you talking to me?"
Typical Other Ilana, always assuming
she's the Ilana I'm talking about.
Okay.
Hello, darling!
He's home, he's home,
he's home, he's home, he's home!
Say hi to the Pickle Pack, Mister!
Hello, internet!
Keep up the good work
with all those charming memes!
I love the one where the boyfriend
is looking at the other lady.
And his girlfriend turns to him
with this expression of tremendous pain.
How could this man, who claims
to love her, betray her so flagrantly?
That is a very sad meme.
Uh... okay. Bye, Pickle Pack!
- What is going on?
- What do you mean?
You've been acting different.
I first noticed it the night
of the "Philbert" premiere,
when you came home late,
smelling like Diane,
and then after a while,
things went back to normal.
But then you got real weird again
right around that time
BoJack went to rehab.
Right before you proposed that day,
you also smelled like Diane.
- Oh, my God. I get what's happening.
- Pickles...
- You feel guilty.
- You're right.
- I feel so guilty because I chea...
- Because your good friend's in rehab.
Chiefly feel guilty because
my good friend's in rehab, like you said.
Why don't you go visit him,
if this is the thing
that's been weighing on you.
It is. The one thing.
BoJack Horseman...
- ...and Mr. Peanutbutter in the same room?
- Oh, God, no.
- This can't be happening. Um...
- What is this?
Hello! Are you here
for the "Friends and Family Meeting"?
- No...
- You're the first friend
- that BoJack's invited.
- I don't even remember getting invited.
- I did not invite...
- I'm proud of you, BoJack.
- Hey, I'm Doctor Champ.
- Mr. Peanutbutter.
Hey! Your name's Mister?
- My name's Doctor!
- How about that!
Wait, is Doctor Champ just your name?
Are you not a doctor?
Five-minute warning everyone.
Five minutes.
Come on, BoJack,
let's get some good seats!
We're sitting in a circle.
They're all good seats.
How can I make up for all the lies,
the stealing, the cheating?
She says we can make a fresh start,
but is that even possible?
Hmm...
I'm sorry, can we go back to the cheating?
Did you tell her about that?
Oh, Mr. Peanutbutter, we don't interrupt
when others are sharing.
Just looking for a little context.
Why don't you go looking in your car?
Maybe you left it there.
BoJack, don't interrupt
Mr. Peanutbutter, he's sharing.
- No. But he...
- But, but, but. Butts are for cigarettes.
Thank you, Doctor Champ.
As I was saying, I think Doug
needs to be honest with his wife
before they can move forward.
- Ah.
- You're right. I need to tell her.
But on the other hand,
maybe that's just your guilt talking.
Isn't it sometimes better to let
sleeping dogs lie?
I-I assume your fiancée is a dog?
She's my wife, and she's human.
Okay, so your fiancée.
Let's say her name is... Pickles.
- Wait, uh...
- She doesn't know,
and she's happy not knowing.
Wouldn't telling her now
just cause additional pain?
- Uh-huh.
- So, it's better not to tell her?
Oh, well, that's really convenient
for you, Doug!
- No, I didn't...
- Hey, everyone, look at "Doug"
deciding that the best option
just happens to be the one
where he doesn't get in trouble!
- Mr. Peanutbutter...
- But that's just Doug all over, isn't it?
Classic, stupid, selfish,
inconsiderate Doug!
Wow. Those are harsh words.
But I needed to hear them. Thank you.
Uh...
Look, I don't know
what's going on with you,
although I'm pretty sure either you
or Doug cheated on Pickles.
But I understand that feeling of needing
to bottle up your guilt,
not burden other people with it.
- Yeah?
- You think you're protecting them
from your toxicity, you convince yourself
that you're being selfless, but...
it comes out in other ways
and it infects everything.
I could use a drink.
Is there a bar in here?
♪ Mr. Peanutbutter ♪
So, then I said, "No. It's rehab."
And then he left. That was two days ago.
Two days ago? Oh, my God, the gala!
Yeah, and you're probably worried
about your baby, too, right?
Oh, my God, my baby!
Come on, Todd.
Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up.
Hey! I was wondering if I'd hear
from you Todd-Day.
Yes-Todd-Day, I thought,
"Maybe I'll hear from her Todd-Morrow!"
Is Untitled Princess Carolyn Project okay?
- She sure is.
- Oh, thank God.
Wait, you're talking about
Untitled Princess Carolyn Project,
the baby, right?
Who else would I be talking about?
Well...
- Mr. Knickerbocker will see you now.
- Great!
Oh, hold on one second.
Hello?
Todd, I have to go to a photo sh**t.
I need you to take the baby
for an hour or so.
Well, you know how much I love hanging out
with Untitled Princess Carolyn Project,
but I can't Todd-Day
because of all these meetings I have.
But if my schedule weren't so busy,
I'd say...
"Sure, I'd be happy to."
Great. I'll see you at VIM in 15 minutes.
Um... okay?
- I'll be right back.
- Sorry about that.
- Hello?
- Todd, change of plans.
Bring the baby over to me
at SmashFox Studios.
Okay, he had to cancel another meeting
but he will see you now.
I'll be right back.
I'm going to level with you, Todd.
You making me wait made me angry,
and that made me respect you.
Sorry, things have just been a little
hectic since I've been helping out
with Untitled Princess Carolyn Project.
"Untitled Princess Carolyn Project"?
I'm intrigued.
- You think the project has legs?
- Yeah, she has legs.
I'm thrilled to meet you.
The whole town is buzzing
about "Untitled Princess Carolyn Project."
Weird, but okay.
We need something big.
Is "Untitled Princess Carolyn Project"
the kind of thing
that makes a lot of noise?
She sure does!
I'm in. Name your price.
Um...
Jonathan?
We took a big swing
with d*ck Wolf's Milwaukee shows.
Turns out audiences are not interested
in a whole night of Milwaukee,
so now we've got some slots to fill.
Do you think
"Untitled Princess Carolyn Project"
could live for several seasons?
I don't see how those things are related,
but I certainly hope so!
- Well, how can I help?
- You wanna help?
Let's start with a two-season pick up.
Yeah, sure, pick-up, drop-off,
whatever works best for you.
- That would be great.
- Great!
Well, here she is.
What time do you want me to pick her up?
Wait, it's a baby?
And she has legs!
I already canceled
"Milwaukee Waste Management."
I told the shareholders
this was gonna save the network!
We designed the poster!
Todd, we need a show. We can't air a baby!
So, long story short,
Pinky canceled the baby,
but now we owe him a TV show.
Huh?
So, the show is called "Birthday Dad."
The pilot was directed by Flea Daniels,
and the show will be run by Karen Kitada.
The creator of "Med School Nights"?
And "Med School Nights: The New Class,
Med School Nights Goes to Law School"?
- Uh...
- This show's about a dad
who d*ed on his birthday,
and every episode,
his spirit visits a different
intersectionally representative person
on their birthday
to help them work
through their own issues.
But how are all these characters related?
When does the show take place?
How does Birthday Dad die?
Those are mysteries we'll tease
all season!
- Uh-huh.
- "Birthday Dad," you'll laugh, you'll cry,
- you'll Birthday Dad!
- What do you think?
Yeah, like I said, we'll take anything.
- Yeah?
- Hey.
Um, so, I don't wanna waste any more
of your time.
I just wanted to say that I know
you're really busy
and I'm sorry for making your life
more difficult this week and also always.
Also, I know that my apologies
are pretty much meaningless at this point,
and I'm sorry for that, too.
Why didn't you tell me
about the "Friends and Family Meetings"?
I don't know. You got so much goin' on,
I didn't wanna bother you.
I would have come.
Okay. Thank you.
Did I miss it?
Is the "Do It All Ball" all done?
Yes. We did it all.
Good of you to show up, by the way.
Oh, yeah? Well, it's good of you to, uh...
Shut up!
Are you okay?
You're not your usual medium-clever self.
Can I ask you something?
So, there's work, right?
I mean, work makes sense to me.
And I'm good at it.
I don't feel that way about my baby.
I don't think
I'm feeling what I'm supposed to feel.
What I thought I would feel.
I mean, I love her, of course I do.
Of course I love my daughter.
But...
But I don't know if I love her.
I know I'm a terrible person
for even thinking it,
but... what if it never happens?
Do you love all your clients' projects?
- Of course.
- No, you don't.
But you take care of them
and you keep them alive
- because that's your job, right?
- Yeah.
So, now you've got a new job.
And it is a ruthless one,
and I mean ruthless.
You don't have time to waste
second-guessing how you feel about it.
You just have to do it
the best that you can,
and know that that's the best you can do.
You know,
we have so much in common.
I don't know why we've spent
so many years hating each other.
I never hated you. Did you hate me?
Uh... no.
Hey. Hey. Please. Listen.
Did you get the Fijis for the Fugees?
Yeah. Is that silly?
The Fugees were egregious
when they got interviewed by Regis.
Isn't that right...
Ruthie?
06x02 - The New Client
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
A humanoid horse, BoJack Horseman -- lost in a sea of self-loathing and booze -- decides it's time for a comeback.
A humanoid horse, BoJack Horseman -- lost in a sea of self-loathing and booze -- decides it's time for a comeback.