01x06 - The Real Powers are the Friends we Made Along the way

[bunniefuu]

Whoa. Wh-Whoa.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

[CARRIE CLEARS THROAT]

Jizzlord, please ask Carrie
what these little red dots are.

Carrie, Jen wants to know...

Tell Jennifer those
red dots are stickers,

and they denote everything
that is my property,

and that if I bought
it, she can't use it.

Jen, Carrie says...

Tell Carrie that I have bought
loads of stuff for this flat.

Like...

Like this.

Carrie, Jen...

Well, tell Jennifer she can't
have a red onion for breakfast.

Jen, Carrie says you can't
have a red onion for breakfast.

Oh, yeah?

♪ This is who I am ♪

♪ This is what I do ♪

♪ This is who I am ♪

♪ Who the f*ck are you? ♪

I'm just triple-checking that
the consultation is still free.

Like, zero-pounds free?

Yeah... No, I know
I called earlier. I...

No, I don't know what could possibly
have changed since then, Denise.

You don't need to be sarcastic.

Are you going to that clinic today?

Yeah. First step to getting a
power. Big day. All right, keys...

- Could you give this to them?
- What is it?

- Bloods.
- [STAMMERS]

I thought they could
do that "dina" testing.

There is so much of it.

- Yeah, thanks.
- [GROANS]

Took me ages. Uh, I kept falling asleep.

[JEN] What... Do you mean DNA testing?

Probably, yeah.

Is that the thing where they
tell you who your mum and dad are?

Usually, you just send
your spit in the post.

Okay. Yeah.

- Uh, could you help me with that?
- Not today.

You can't rely on me to
help you all the time.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

[SEB] Oh, holy crap! Yo, it's
really... Oh, holy crap. Yo, it's...

[BYSTANDER] Nerd!

- There I go.
- [SHOUTING ON PHONE]

This isn't healthy. You have to move on.

- [GROANS]
- I think you feel guilty, right?

- Mm-hmm.
- So make amends.

Apologise to the people you've let down.

[KASH GROANS]

Please? Do it for me.

I miss my boyfriend.

Really?

Yeah. He's pretty fun.

- And hot?
- Oh, yeah.

He's got shiny, lustrous hair, dark
eyes, rippling emotional maturity.

[GROANS] Okay. I'll do it for you.

Have you brought the
air fryer into the bed?

Then I don't need to go to the
kitchen to make hash browns.

I'm struggling.

♪ She lamented far from home ♪

♪ You flew straight to Mexico ♪

♪ Over the bridge and across the wall ♪

♪ Built around like cr*cker drool ♪

♪ Grab your g*n and turn his hand ♪

♪ You're walking across ♪
♪ The promised land ♪

♪ Settle down and drink your joe ♪

[JEN GRUNTS]

[SONG FADES OUT]

[PAPER RIPS]

Hey.

Oh, thanks. [CHUCKLES]

You've got a very smooth back.

Thank you.

My name's Hannah, by the way.

- Oh, mine's, uh...
- Gem?

I can feel you tracing.

Uh, Jen. But close enough.

Did you just draw a penis?

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

Have you been here before?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, this is my monthly check-in.

Still no powers yet.

So awkward.

- Wait, are you ?
- Yeah.

Me too. [CHUCKLES]

I haven't met anyone who's waited

- so long. [CHUCKLES]
- So long.

[GASPS] You're like me.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Oh, good. You finished.

Here's the rest.

Medical history form,
patient questionnaire.

You also need to write
a short personal essay.

My hand slipped.

This is going to take me hours.

I know a much better room to do that in.

♪ Mummy, Daddy, look at me ♪

"Do you feel like your primary caregiver

hugged you to a satisfactory degree?"

What kind of questions are these?

Oh, yeah. They get all
up in your business.

They wanna talk about your
trauma and your feelings.

Gross.

Isn't there, like, some
experimental surgery they can do?

No. I asked.

- Why did you decide to go?
- Honestly?

It's that pitying look they
give you when you tell them.

Yeah, they look at me
like I'm a sick hedgehog.

I just can't take it.

Do you know what the worst is? "It'll
happen when you least expect it."

Oh, God. I hate that.

- Like, I am least expecting it right now.
- Mm-hmm.

- Anything? No.
- [JEN CHUCKLES]

[HANNAH SCOFFS]

Do you want a proper drink?

No, I shouldn't. No, I
need to return all this.

Okay.

I mean, a half is fine.

- It's just a half.
- Just a little baby half.

- It's a half.
- Just a half.

Why are you and Jen fighting?

Because we had an argument.

- Why?
- Because Jen's a terrible person.

- Why?
- Because she's selfish.

- Why?
- I don't know. I'm not a therapist.

- Why?
- I get too emotionally invested,

and I didn't do the right A levels.

Jen yelled at me this morning, and
she wouldn't help me with my bloods.

We don't need Jen.

I think I do. She buys my food.

[MOANS, INHALES SHARPLY]

Our erotic jigsaw collection.

Me and Jen found these a few years ago,

and we've been working
our way through them.

We made a whole night of it. Face masks.

[SPANISH ACCENT] Margaritas.

[NORMAL] I have a very
precise system for jigsawing,

but Jen would just dive right
in, and it would be chaos.

It would take us all night. [CHUCKLES]

Would be a shame if we
couldn't finish them together.

♪ Let's pass the time ♪

♪ Me and you, you and me ♪

♪ Let's pass the time ♪
♪ Just you and me ♪

[CHATTERING, LAUGHING]

♪ There's never ever been ♪
♪ Two friends quite like we ♪

Oh.

♪ Let's pass the time ♪
♪ Just you and me ♪

You going somewhere?

Oh, no.

Well, yeah, Florida.

I've been a little afraid
of the outside since the...

since the bashing.

So, um, thought that I'd just
take the plunge, literally.

I'm gonna go swim with the dolphins.
Heard it's very therapeutic.

And they're fish, so I can summon them.

Dolphins are mammals, mate.

[PLASTIC BAG RUSTLING]

I wanted to, uh, say sorry.

This means a lot.

Well... [CHUCKLES]

Are those for the rest of the boys?

Yeah. [CHUCKLES] Enjoy Florida.

Can I... Can I come see them with you?

I don't really wanna go anymore.

This is more of a solo effort.

Not a lad's farewell tour kind of thing.

If it were a lad's
farewell tour kind of thing,

we could get T-shirts made up.

But it's just like... like, everyone
thinks they're better than you.

But it's just random.
Like, it's all random.

And boom! You can fly.

Boom! You can heal people.

Boom! You can f*cking talk to bread.

But you... you didn't
do anything to earn that.

You don't deserve to
know what bread's feeling.

Exactly, exactly. Like,
it's just so unfair.

I feel like all the odds
are stacked against us.

You know what I mean?

- [FRIEND ] Again. Do the first one.
- [FRIEND ] I like that one.

- Come on.
- Yeah.

[ALL CHEERING]

Wait, wait, wait. This is the best one.

- [FRIEND ] Yeah.
- [FRIEND ] Yeah, do it.

[ALL CHEERING]

Yes, this one. Just keep it.

Oh, f*ck off.

Right? I can do that. It's called a wig.

I dread to think what
her pubes look like.

[JEN LAUGHS]

[JEN] Do you ever feel it's like
everyone is in this big secret club,

- and you're the only one not invited?
- [HANNAH] Totally.

We should just start a
club, just you and me.

Yeah, and then they'll be
the ones that's left out.

[HANNAH] Yeah.

You are so pretty, by the way.

[HANNAH GASPS]

You're so pretty.

And I think... I think...

No, it is definitely
not too soon to say this.

I think you are the Princess
Diana of our generation.

Seriously.

I have been waiting my whole life
for someone to say that to me.

- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
- [STALL DOOR OPENS]

[RETCHING, COUGHING]

- [HANNAH] Oh?
- [JEN] Someone's had too much.

[DRUNK PATRON PANTING]

I dare you to cut off her ponytail.

- I can't do that.
- Yes, you can.

She can fix it in a second.

["OPINION" PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]

♪ Your opinion don't mean none ♪
♪ 'Cause we don't care ♪

[FRIEND ] It's something
about the car for me.

Really? I'd love to see it.
I mean, what car do you drive?

[DRUNK PATRON] What the hell?

♪ That's why your opinion ♪
♪ Don't mean none ♪

[HANNAH] Oh, sorry. Sorry, sorry.

♪ Why? 'Cause I did not ask, no ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm not bothered ♪

♪ I don't give a f*ck, no ♪

♪ If you don't think that I am lit ♪
♪ Know I know myself, yeah ♪

- [SONG ENDS]
- [KEYS JINGLING]

[SIGHS]

[MARTIN] A cheese single at midnight?

- Jesus!
- Come on. You're not recently divorced.

[EXHALES]

[GROANS]

Sorry, sorry.

It's just me. I thought
I'd surprise you.

Don't spring him on me like

some sort of grief
Jack-in-the-box. f*cking hell.

I thought you'd wanna talk
about how your consultation went.

I didn't finish it.

Jen. Why not?

Me and Hannah went to the
pub. We lost track of time.

Plus, I'll go back, so...

Who's Hannah?

Hannah is my new friend.

Actually, she's my best
friend, and she's really cool,

and she doesn't act like she's my mum.

Well, I've got a new best friend too.

Carrie, the people at Lush are
paid to talk to you like that.

- We've been through this.
- Jizzlord.

He's my cat... Man. He's my man.

No, no. No, he's not my man,
but you know what I mean.

I thought you were too busy
with your new cool friend.

I am. Couldn't care
less what you two do.

We're going to do an erotic
jigsaw tomorrow night.

- You're doing an EJ?
- Whole hog.

- You can't. They're mine. I bought them.
- No, you didn't.

Yeah, I did. I remember because
the bank called me to ask

if I was sure I wanted to
spend £ on erotic jigsaws,

and I said, yeah.

And then they lowered
my overdraft limit.

- Well, we've always shared them.
- Not anymore.

[CARRIE SIGHS]

All right, well, now
that we've settled that,

I think I'm ready to speak to my dad.

I think my heart has just
about stopped palpitating.

No.

What do you mean,
"no"? You just offered.

I rescind it.

You can't rescind my dead dad.

I rescind it.

If you don't need me, then I guess
you don't need my power either.

[FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING]

I don't know if I can do this.
Do you think he'll be mad?

No, Ade's lovely. He'll understand.

[ADE] Twenty-six hours.

[SOOTHING MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]

I was stuck in that wall for hours.

Someone thought I was a Banksy.

They sent a local news crew out.

- Someone made an NFT of it.
- [CLIENT GRUNTS]

- Sorry, sorry.
- [CLIENT GROANS]

An insurance broker in the Netherlands
owns the copyright on my arse.

- Do you know how that feels?
- [CLIENT MOANS]

Use your words.

"Firstly, I would like to
extend my most sincere apologies

for the unfortunate events that
transpired on the night of the th."

I just wanted to do
something big, you know?

Just feel kind of
useless most of the time.

Like no one really needs me.

I'm not a leader.

Not a hero.

I'm a failure.

I'll send you your Toblerones in
the post in case you want them later.

Kash.

You just did exactly what a leader
does. You took responsibility.

That's not easy to do.

Yeah. Uh, I don't think you're
incompetent, necessarily.

Just think we had bad luck.

Yeah. I bet if we had one more
cr*ck at it, we'd blow everyone away.

- How's that pressure?
- [CLIENT MUMBLES]

What, get back together?

I'd come back older and wiser.

Rising from the ashes like a phoenix.

I'm not depressed.

I'm in the middle of a redemption arc.

Yeah, it all makes sense now.

This isn't a lad's farewell tour.

This is an assembling.

We're in the middle of an assembling!

[KASH, SEB LAUGHING]

[WHISPERS] Guys, guys,
guys, guys, please.

I'm still working.

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, so I know you're upset
about the erotic jigsaw,

so I made you a new one.

But this is just a
drawing of a dog in a hat.

Yeah, I don't know what "erotic"
means or what a jigsaw is.

[JEN] Hey, sorry I'm late.

[HANNAH] Yeah, the pub's not open yet.

- [JEN] f*ck.
- Why did you wanna meet here?

I left all my clinic
forms behind me last night.

And I want to return this in
case anyone was looking for it.

Maybe they could glue it back on.

[CHUCKLES] I was actually thinking
about what you said last night.

It is so f*cked, isn't it?

- Oh, yeah. Society!
- Yeah.

So I quit. I'm not
going back to the clinic.

- Ever?
- Ever.

Did you have fun last night?

Yeah.

Did you need a power to do that?

No.

Right, so let's just have fun.

Yeah. f*ck it.

Why am I doing homework on
the weekend? It can wait.

Right. The world owes us, Jen.

We can do whatever we want.

[JEN] Oh, I feel so free.

Maybe I should take my bra off.

♪ I walked in the building ♪
♪ With attitude... ♪

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

I hate this so much.

He's gonna be such
little a d*ck about it.

Maybe we should do Randall first?

It's a small sacrifice to make.

Think about the group.

[SIGHS]

Firstly, I would like
to apologise for my...

Why are you in your suit?

No reason.

I accept your apology. Goodbye.

Oh, what are you pussies doing here?

Are you joining? Sick.

Joining what?

[GREGOR SIGHS]

You little slut.

Well, you can't be mad
at me for moving on.

We were a band of brothers.

Oh, you were a band of losers.
It was never gonna work.

If anything, you should
be grateful to Kash

for putting you out of your misery.

No. Don't talk about them like that.

Or what? What are they gonna do?

Throw a haddock at me? [LAUGHS]

[GREGOR'S TEAM LAUGHING]

Get stuck in a wall at me?

Let's go. Right now. You and me.

[LAUGHING]

Okay.

No, seriously, come on. Hit me.

[BREATHES SHAKILY]

[GREGOR] Ooh, no, no, no.

No, really try this time.

[KASH GRUNTS]

[KASH PANTING]

[LAUGHS]

- [GREGOR] You see the pattern here, right?
- Wait. What am I doing?

No, Kash, don't you...

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

[GREGOR GRUNTS]

- Oh, God. Kash, did you...
- Yo, yo!

Trust me. He will have deserved it.

What are you pussies doing here?

Randall, come with us.

The boys are back in town.

♪ Who that? Who that? Who that? ♪

♪ The bitch is back ♪

♪ Who that? Who that? Who that? ♪

♪ I will att*ck ♪

[JEN LAUGHING]

- [HANNAH] Oh, my God. [CHUCKLES]
- Ow!

[HANNAH] Too easy.

Ten points if you get a head sh*t.

♪ Welcome to the circus ♪

♪ I'm causing a disturbance ♪

♪ It's a rocket in my pocket ♪

♪ And I'm not gonna stop it ♪

Oi, what'd you do that for?

[LAUGHS]

Yes, mate.

- [FLYER] Hey! Little sh*t!
- [JEN] That was good.

Yeah, I was thinking,
maybe we should try

and find more people who are like us.

What, like, make the
club a little bigger?

Yeah. I know, we could
have a group chat.

Have a place where we all hang out.

Yes. Our own island.

Yeah, or maybe, like, a bar. [CHUCKLES]

Except we don't let anyone
with powers in, yeah.

Yes, and we can have, like, a
secret handshake and a password.

Oh, and we could get matching tattoos.

Oh, my God. Should we do that now?

Jen?

What are you doing on a roof?

[JEN] Uh, nothing, nothing. [CHUCKLES]

Just being crazy.

Ah, what's she gonna do next?
She's so spontaneous. Ah! [CHUCKLES]

Right.

Uh, where you going?

Out. Bossa nova night at Moth Bar.

Oh.

- Can I join?
- [LUKE LAUGHING]

You are so funny, Jen. I love it.

- What was that?
- Oh, yeah.

Um, might not seem like it,

but that's actually better
than it usually goes.

Look, you're not rejecting
people with powers

if you're drooling over fly boys.

I am not drooling.

And I hate powers
just as much as you do.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

- I'll prove it.
- How?

♪ Bitch, I've been ♪

Do you have a latex allergy?

♪ Yeah ♪

- [DOOR OPENS]
- [JEN CHUCKLES, YELPS]

[ALARM BLARING]

[HANNAH] This is a bad idea!

[JEN] We just got here!
Just give it a minute!

[HANNAH] What?

[JEN] I can't hear you!

Oh, it's just stopped.

[HANNAH] Well, that's convenient.

♪ I don't know sh*t, I don't know sh*t ♪

♪ I don't know sh*t ♪
♪ I don't know sh*t, I don't know sh*t ♪

I'm gonna f*ck it up.

♪ I don't know sh*t, I don't know ♪

♪ Over rewarded ♪

♪ Surrounded by the over-rewarded ♪
♪ And easily praised ♪

♪ 'Cause aren't you a good boy? ♪

♪ Got your perfect life... ♪

Do it. Do it!

♪ I am a god, I am a king ♪
♪ I never wrote a single thing ♪

[JEN SHOUTS]

[BOTH SQUEALING, LAUGHING]

Oh, my God!

♪ I don't know sh*t, I don't know sh*t ♪

♪ I don't know sh*t ♪

♪ I don't know sh*t, I don't know sh*t ♪

♪ I don't know sh*t, I don't know sh*t ♪

♪ I don't know sh*t ♪
♪ I don't know sh*t, I don't know sh*t ♪

[JEN] f*ck you, Denise!

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[GASPS] Whoa, whoa,
whoa. What are you doing?

- I'm pissing on the desk.
- [LAUGHS]

- Why?
- I don't know. [CHUCKLES]

[HANNAH GIGGLING]

Do you see any tissues anywhere?

[SONG FADES OUT]

[HANNAH] Jen?

Hannah?

[HANNAH GRUNTS] Oh, Jen.

[HANNAH PANTING]

[HANNAH GRUNTS, PANTS]

- [GROANS]
- [JEN] What's going on?

I don't know.

[GRUNTS, PANTS]

Hannah! What the f*ck?

[LAUGHS]

I think I can teleport.

This is so f*cking cool! [LAUGHS]

[JEN] Mmm. Right. Really cool.

[HANNAH CHUCKLES]

I guess that's the end of our club.

Just because I've got powers now

doesn't mean that
anything's gonna change.

Hey, I'm not going anywhere.

♪ The calm comes after the storm ♪

♪ Sit back and watch the rain ♪

[SECURITY GUARD] Hey.

Oh, sh*t.

[SECURITY GUARD] What do you
think you're doing here? Hey?

♪ System lagging ♪
♪ Think we need a reboot ♪

♪ Feeling stranded ♪
♪ Got me feeling feeble ♪

[SECURITY GUARD] Oi! Get back here, you!

[DOOR CLOSES]

♪ Sit back and watch the rain ♪

♪ And you're cast aside ♪

Guess who's a guilt-free man.

[BOTH LAUGHING, CHEERING]

I'm so proud of you!

Now you can move on to other things.

Better things. Adult things. [LAUGHS]

We could go on a couple's mini-break.

Oh, that would be fun, wouldn't it?

I'm not gonna have time
to do something like that.

The vigilante group's
officially rebooted.

- What?
- Yeah.

We're streamlined. We're
hungry. We're hyped.

Thanks for pushing me.

None of this would've
happened if it wasn't for you.

[CARRIE CHUCKLING]

[FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING]

[SIGHS]

♪ You could probably say I'm difficult ♪

Do it!

- Oh, my days!
- Oh, yeah.

- [LAUGHING] What the f*ck?
- I can do a better one.

- I'm gonna do a better one.
- Do it.

[HANNAH] Okay, fine.

[HANNAH WHOOPS] Oh, my God!

Someone got her power yesterday.

What was it? A couple days ago?

[LAUGHING, CHATTERING ON PHONE]

Made you a cup of tea.

♪ I'm usually only waiting for you ♪
♪ To stop talking so that I can ♪

I saw it on television. It makes
everything better for some reason.

Carrie really wants to
finish those jigsaws with you.

She seems quite sad.

[SIGHS] It's too late. She hates me.

So you're gonna shun her and
never talk to her again? Okay.

No, what? No. I'm not gonna do that.

So, you gonna be friends again?

Probably, but it's... it's
not that simple. [SIGHS]

Do you wanna be her friend?

Yeah.

She wants to be your friend?

I hope so.

♪ While it's still a crime ♪
♪ And don't forget... ♪

I must have the word "simple" wrong.

♪ You could be laughing ♪

[GRUNTS] It tastes funny.

Oh, yeah. Um...

Tea didn't really seem like enough,
so I put a lot of painkillers in it.

All right. I'm just
gonna put that there.

♪ Half of the time ♪
♪ I think I'm in some movie ♪

♪ I play the underdog of course ♪

♪ I wonder who they'll get to play me ♪

♪ Maybe they could dig up
Richard Burton's corpse ♪

[KNOCKING]

♪ I am not who you think I am ♪

♪ I am quite angry ♪
♪ Which I barely can conceal ♪

[SIGHS]

♪ You think I hate myself ♪
♪ It's you I hate ♪

♪ Because you have the nerve ♪
♪ To make me feel ♪

♪ But I am the greatest m*therf*cker that ♪
♪ You're ever gonna meet ♪

[SONG FADES OUT]

[SIGHS]

Does this look like a man's
nipple or a woman's nipple to you?

[JEN] Mmm.

Man's. It's got a hair on it.

No guarantee.

Man's. Trust me.

Armpit or bum cleft?

Oh, that's a hard one.
I wanna say armpit.

- Although that does look very "clefty."
- [CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES]

[CARRIE CHUCKLES]

[JEN] This one, over there.

[CARRIE SIGHS]

How am I supposed to
know what blood type I am?

AB positive.

And you're O negative?

[CHUCKLES] Not even close.

But I appreciate the effort.

Thank you.

It's going to be a
two-way street from now on.

Burden me with your problems.

- My problem?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh.

Oh, this is weird doing it
this way round, isn't it?

- [CHUCKLES]
- [JEN] Mmm.

Can't really think of anything.

[JEN] Mmm.

Except maybe one tiny little thing.

Kash is back with his
old vigilante group,

and I hate it, and I think it's
gonna ruin our relationship.

But apart from that, fine.

♪ Cool, bright, strong ♪

♪ And unique ♪

♪ Yeah, we're beautiful ♪

[CARRIE SNIFFING]

Is it just me, or does it
smell a bit like piss in here?

[SNIFFS] I don't smell anything.

[CARRIE SNIFFS]

♪ Every day we get, get, get it done ♪

- ♪ Super powers, we got super powers ♪
- ♪ Uh-huh ♪

- ♪ Super powers, super, super powers ♪
- ♪ Yeah, we got it ♪

- ♪ Super powers ♪
- ♪ Yeah, we got it ♪

- ♪ We got super powers ♪
- ♪ Uh-huh ♪

- ♪ Super powers ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ You already know ♪

♪ Yeah, we're heroes ♪

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ We're heroes ♪

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ Yeah, we're heroes ♪

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ You already know ♪

♪ Yeah, we're heroes ♪

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ We're heroes ♪

- ♪ We're heroes, yo ♪
- ♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Yeah, we're heroes ♪

- ♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh ♪
- ♪ We're heroes ♪

♪ We're heroes ♪

♪ You already know ♪