04x06 - Maud's Magical Make-over

[bunniefuu]

Don't just stand there,
it won't come off. Ethel...

..you're turning into a tree.

It's clear who the true
friend of nature is.

APPLAUSE

Mm, that should help the taste
of Miss Tapioca's porridge.

CAT MEOWS

Delicious.

Ugh!

Ah! Ugh!

Hm.

Bats are particularly drawn to the
fruity smell of flavour potions.

I think they like you.

Some of them
are about to give birth.

I'd rather not transport them
out just yet,

in case it disturbs them.

Well, where am I supposed to sleep?

My room?

I might have a better idea.

CAT MEOWS

Consider this an opportunity,
Felicity.

It has been noticed
that your grades are slipping.

I'm sure Maud will help you
with your homework,

if you ask her nicely.

Do make yourself at home, Maud.

Sorry. I'll be out of here
as soon as the bats are gone.

That's full.

But you can use this.

DRAWER OPENING

SNEEZE

Ugh! What was that?

A sneezing snow petal.

They're allergic to people.

Needs his anti-witch-amines.

Hey, you look totally different
without your glasses.

Guess it might be useful to have two
deputies in the same room.

What do you mean?

Mildred has asked you to be her
deputy head girl, hasn't she?

Yeah, obviously.

CHATTERING

Sorry, these seats are taken.

Can you move your bags?

Ugh. And put them
on the dirty floor?

Try that table.

They have more room.

What are you two chatting about?

I just wanted to think Miss Drill.

She gave me a glowing
report card yesterday.

The pleasure's all mine.

Mabel's commitment to her
chanting has been excellent.

You should be very proud of her.

I couldn't have done it without
a brilliant teacher.

Sugar tax.

Starting today.

Wearing pointy hats
and flying side-saddle

may be the tradition
on these islands,

but to win
the Witch of the World badge,

you must demonstrate
an understanding

of other witching cultures
from around the globe.

Too easy, Miss Hardbroom.

I've travelled everywhere
with my parents.

Then I look forward to seeing
both your presentations

tomorrow afternoon.

May the most worldly witch win.

I wouldn't get too cocky, Ethel.

I'm still one badge up, remember?

I've been deep-sea diving
in the Bermuda Triangle.

Where have you ever been,
Mildred Hubble?

Well, erm...

..Blackpool?

The badge is mine.

Millie, how'd it go? Don't ask.

Hallow for head girl?

Sorry.

How have you done this?

You... You nearly starved
the whole school last week!

My star is rising,
thanks to Felicity.

She's the best deputy
a witch could ask for.

Not you, as well?

It's nothing personal, I promise.

No point being head girl of a school
that doesn't respect you.

Maybe you should just drop out now.

Or maybe you just need
a good deputy.

Yeah, I think I do.

Anyone in mind?

You could do worse than this one.

Enid's a superstar right now.

She's going to blow everyone away
at the Witch World Games.

Only if I hit my qualifying
time tomorrow.

An independent adjudicator's
coming in.

No pressure!

Enid would be a huge boost
to your campaign.

You need someone who can raise
your profile.

What do you say?

Erm...

Yeah, I... Ah, ha!

Count me in, partner!

Woohoo! Ha, ha!

You don't mind, do you?

No.

Enid's obviously the right choice.

Aren't you going to congratulate me?

For what?

For nailing my chanting lessons
with Miss Drill

and not even getting
slightly expelled.

Your generation wants
a medal for everything!

People shouldn't be congratulated
for doing the bare minimum.

Ugh! Would it k*ll you to say
"well done"?

Well, I'd like a "well done", too.

Well done for raising you,

for getting you into a good school.

I may not be a brilliant witch,

but at least I put
a roof over your head!

What is your problem today?

I've chosen the perfect spot
in the woods.

The woods?

It's the best place.

The teachers will have no idea.

Fine.

Should we be discussing the party
in front of the competition?

Well, Maud's not Mildred's deputy
after all, are you?

No.

Really?

She chose Enid instead?

Ugh, I suppose
she's more famous, isn't she?

Who would choose Maud nobody?

THEY LAUGH

Come and help us plan the party.

You mean my victory parade?

What happens
if Millie wins the badge?

As if!

You're not invited, anyway.

You wouldn't fit in.

Don't worry, Maud.

Why don't you let me
try a little makeover?

WHOOSHING

..

Two seconds short.

What?

Why am I so hit and miss?

You're doing great.

Most witches can't run it
in seconds.

Your speed potion
may need adjusting.

They can be quite temperamental,
especially for amateurs.

Err, you mean beginners?

If only we knew someone with
an award-winning formula!

I'd be more than happy to help Enid,

if she needs a more
experienced coach.

I'm good, actually.

Miss was a great coach.

She treats me like a pro.

And she makes sports exciting in
a way that no-one else ever has.

Right.

In that case,
I'll...leave you to it.

You two used to be friends, once.

What happened?

Let's go again.

Starting positions.

Are you coming flying with us?

SHE COUGHS

Sorry!

I was working on
a mind-reading spell.

It's the only way to find out
what's bothering my mum.

Mind-reading spells
are against the Witches Code.

And they're notoriously unstable.

THINKS: No-one would understand
my thoughts, anyway.

They're far too advanced.

Please tell me you didn't hear that.

THINKS: What if Clarice finds out
I copied her essay?

Only once!

THINKS: Three times!

THINKS: I think we've all
been affected.

Our thoughts seem to be leaking,
like there's a tap in our brains.

They keep...dripping out.

I'll fix this.

THINKS: I have no idea
how to fix this.

I know! Everyone put your hats on.

MUFFLED THOUGHTS

See? Our thoughts are muffled.

But we can't wear them indoors.

We'll think of an excuse.

We just need to get by until Mabel
can come up with a reversal spell.

What could possibly go wrong?

I'm sorry I locked you away,
but the others would have laughed.

Green witches are not
on-trend right now.

I have a reputation to think about.

What's that? Looks magical.

It's a coolness potion.

I just use it to do my hair.

What's happened to yours?

Err...
I must have slept on it funny.

Let me help you. I can fix it.

Come on!

Less geek, more chic!

Here.

See?

Felicity, ready for class?

Yeah!

Maud!

I almost didn't recognise you.

Go ahead, make your jokes.

No.

I think it suits you.

Help yourself.

Create the new you.

I'm training all day.

Can you ask Maud to help you
with your presentation?

If she's still talking to me.

She's not answering
any of my messages.

Good morning, champion!

See you later.

I know you've got this in the bag.

How are you so confident?

Let's just say time is on our side.

Maud!

Maud!

Don't you look crafty?

What do you think? Love it!

You're a really fast learner.

Maud, what are you doing?

I saved you a seat.

She's sitting with the winners, now.

Yeah, Felicity's been
a really great friend.

She really gets me.

MISS DRILL: Settle down!

Today we're going to start
our unit on magical familiars.

To date, we know of species
capable of performing magic.

Today I'd like to focus on
the most familiar of the familiars,

our trusty black cats.

Boring!

GASPS

I beg your pardon, Maud Spellbody?

Black cats are SO last century,
Miss Drill.

You need to get with the latest
trend.

Oh, really?

And what might that be?

These are my new familiars,
Flappy and Squeak.

And they're totally chic!

CAMERAS CLICK

I can make the cure at lunch,
but I'll need these ingredients.

Let's get them before HB gets back.

We need some more
nettleweed, anyway.

What are you doing?

You need swampweed for countering
spells, not pondweed.

Don't you know anything? Clarice!

How do you know I'm not working
on a different potion?

One losers like you three
don't get to hear about.

Sybil! Stay calm!

I... I can't!

THINKS: Fenella is so stuck-up.

I bet all of us think so.

Who said that?

In Greece, witches use
urns for cauldrons.

Such as this one, which I'm...

..boring you to death with!

What? No, I was into it.

We just got distracted.

It's not fair.

You've got two familiars and we
still haven't got our kittens.

Seriously, why are you
supporting Ethel now?

Show her.

Felicity gave me them.

She bought you off with sweets?

I didn't think about how you'd feel.

There's a lot of that going round.

I need to find Maud.

Wow!

Shhh, we have to be quiet
so we don't disturb them.

Maud, you're a trend-setter.

Your bat video's gone viral.

Everyone's dying to meet you.

Please could I get your autograph?

No autographs.

Who knew you had this whole
other side to you?

What can I say?
I learn from the best.

Well, you have to come
to our party later.

You can bring Flappy and Squeak,
too - everyone will love it.

DOOR OPENS

Maud, can I borrow you?

I wanted to say sorry.

I should have picked you as my
deputy, but I was put on the spot.

The position's still
open if you want it.

Why? Is Enid too busy?

Well, yeah, but...
So I'm second best?

No!

Maud, please, I have to
prepare a presentation

about witching traditions
around the world.

I need your help. Can't, sorry.

I'm going to a party after lessons
and I need to get ready.

I can't believe you're hanging out
with Felicity now.

Are you really that mad at me?

Not everything's about you, Millie.

You just can't handle that you're

not the centre of
attention any more.

That's not true.

I'm with the real winners now.

It's where the new
Maud Spellbody belongs.

Weirdos.

Today went well.

THINKS: We would have been fine
if Sybil hadn't panicked.

Why is she so scared all the time?

How is this my fault?!

You're the one who tripped me up.

THINKS: Relying on our hats
was never going to work,

I shouldn't have gone along
with the scatty idea.

Well, it doesn't stop you
from being rude.

You just say whatever comes into
your head, don't you? OK...

..time out.

Everyone picture happy thoughts.

THINKS: Clarice is so rude.

THINKS: Sybil's such a crybaby.

THINKS: Bea is so brainless.

ALL: No wonder we
can't find a coven.

TIMER CLICKING

. seconds.

Ah, you qualified!

Congratulations! Yeah!

What's that?

Miss Hempnettle?

.? You swapped them?

You were only one second behind.

But that's cheating.

No, Enid. Do you think
the top witch athletes

got where they are without
bending the rules?

All that matters is that
you've made it through

to the national qualifiers.

I'm so proud of you!

Mum, I've got something for you.

If it's a spare hand, I'll take it.
I've got a ton of veg to chop.

What are you wearing
your hat indoors for?

Cold ears.

I can't stay long,
I have to work on...

..something.
You've not got nits, have you?

No.

Why can't you respect my privacy?

Get off!

You're the worst mum ever.

It's a dodgy mind-reading spell,

I didn't actually mean...

MUSIC AND CHATTERING

Maud! Isn't this epic?

It's awesome. The teachers
will never find us here.

I even put a magical fly on the wall
in the potions lab,

so we can stream Ethel's
presentation later.

Are they marshmallows?

There's loads of snacks and music,

and I'm going to perform a special
song when Ethel arrives.

Xavier. Felicity.

Great spot for a party. Right?

The trees love it, too.
They get so lonely out here.

They tell you that, do they?
Barking, you are.

Felicity...

..he's from Amulet's, and he's a he.

This is against the rules.

Have I seen you around somewhere?

Ugh, I'm cool.

I mean, I'm Maud. Maud Spellbody.

The one from the bat video?

You'll have to show us.

Yeah. We could go up
on stage together.

It'd make a brilliant double act.

Oh, look, it's Ethel.

MISS CACKLE: You may begin
when ready.

Thank you, Miss Cackle.

There are many great
and unique traditions

throughout the witching world.

In Egypt,
witches fly on magic carpets

and they're able to provide
shade in the desert.

Witches in India enchant the nails.

Those with pure intentions
lie in comfort,

while the wicked
are jabbed with iron.

And, of course, Transylvanian
fire breathing.

Maud, we need to
rehearse our double act.

What are you doing?

Did you steal my coolness potion?

I was going to give it back. Do you
know how expensive that stuff is?

And dangerous.

Too much
and you become a total diva.

You're losing your coolness, too.

Give it here.
No, I can't go on stage without it.

No!

You use the potion for a lot more
than just hair, don't you?

Felicity, Maud,
where did you get to?

What's with the geeky look?

One reversal spell each.

Ah-ah! Not that one.

You can pay me later.

We're still friends, right?

Yeah, sure.

Miss Drill, can I talk to you?

I suppose so.

How did your qualifier go?
I got through.

Miss Hempnettle must have taught you
something after all.

You and Miss Hempnettle were
friends once, weren't you?

Yes and we competed
in the qualifiers

for the World Witch Games together.
Did you fall out?

Did she do something wrong?

Miss Hempnettle caused my injury.

What? She pushed me
off my broomstick

in the final race before the games.

She says it was an accident,
but she conveniently went to on

to win my medal and title, so...

Look, I shouldn't be
telling you this.

Miss Hempnettle is a cheat.

I wouldn't trust her if I were you.

Millie, I was being selfish before,

but I can still help you
with your presentation.

Maud, I've already
given my presentation.

Ethel won the badge.

It's OK, honestly.

Was this really
all about being my deputy?

I suppose I've just been
feeling like I don't fit in lately.

You and Ethel have the head
girl contest

and Enid's becoming a sports star.

I'm so sorry.

Please, will you be my deputy?

If you still want me. I'm no Enid.

Maud, you were always
my first choice.

I need my best friend by my side.

Someone who's clever and kind,

and...always has my back.

You're back! I was getting worried.

I'm surprised you care,
given I'm such a terrible mother.

I'm sorry.

I just wanted you to be proud of me.

Are you going to tell me
what's wrong?

Right, you asked for this.

What are you doing?
Are you proud of me?

THINKS: I won't tell her
that I am.

I should be Mabel's favourite
witch at Cackle's,

not Miss Drill.

Ugh, you're jealous.

Of Miss Drill?

Hardly.

THINKS: She's so popular and nice
and everyone loves her.

Mum, don't be daft.

Of course you're not my
favourite witch at Cackle's.

No, I mean...

I'm going to regret this.

You're my favourite
person in the world.

Minds which are open
shall now be sealed,

let thoughts be private
and never revealed.

There, no more leaky brains.

Someone's been chopping onions. Ugh!

Felicity, why are you
dressed like a farmer?

What is Mildred Hubble
doing at my party?

Maud, you're banned.

I just came to say that
the bats are leaving,

so I'll be moving
back into my room tonight.

And to say sorry
for stealing your potion.

Look at me, I'm a big, green joke.

At least you're being yourself.

And that's who I'm going to be,
as soon as the potion wears off.

Maybe I can
speed things up a little.

Reverse the spell that made me cool,

my true self should always rule,

a geeky person I will make,

better that, though, than a fake.

Those aren't my stamps -
I've never seen them before.

I don't understand it.

What sort of horrible curse
have you put on them?

None.

The spell must have worked too well.

I've brought out their true selves,

all the people
they pretend not to be.

You dropped your stamps.

Thanks.

Cool flower.

I have one like that on a stamp,
actually. Oh, show me.

JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYS

I think everyone was
trying to fit in.

Even without the potion.

Losers.

Have you heard of the Crystal Lake?

SCREAMS

GROANS

Good morning, my name is Mr Daisy.

New spell science teacher.

I'll train harder,
I'll push myself harder.

It's not just about fitness.

If you'd had Miss Drill's potion
knowledge, maybe.