02x10 - .. been a perfect girl

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Never Have I Ever". Aired: April 27, 2020 –; present.
After a traumatic year, a first-generation Indian-American teenager wants to improve her status at school, but friends, family, and feelings don't make it easy on her.
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02x10 - .. been a perfect girl

Post by bunniefuu »

Devi sat in her room,

fretting and fidgeting

over the drive-by she'd had

with Paxton earlier that evening.

First, he had called her "pal."

Hey, pal.

Then he walked right past her

like she was gathering

signatures for Greenpeace.

What did it mean?

Was Paxton actually not into her at all,

and would he never

again show up at her

Hey. You should tell your mom that

she needs to clean the gutters.

I think there's an Amazon

delivery drone stuck in there.

- Whoa, what are you doing?

- What do you mean?

You totally walked

right by me at the play.

You didn't even slow your

pace out of politeness!

Sorry, we were in a hurry.

Trent's mom needed the car

to get to her job as an

illusionist at The Magic Castle.

Okay, but you also called me "pal."

As far as I know,

pals don't creep through

other pal's windows to hook up.

Are you embarrassed of me?

No, of course not.

But if I'm being honest,

I'm not really a PDA guy,

and I think labels are

just kinda cheesy, you know?

I guess.

And it's kinda nice that we save

that stuff for when we're in private.

That cool?

I think any reasonable

adult watching this

knows that Paxton's embarrassed of her.

Unfortunately, when you've

been romantically unsuccessful

for as long as Devi has,

you'll take what you can get.

Yeah, sure.

- Damn!

- Whoa!

I don't know.

Thanks, El, for bringing

all these dresses over,

but it's not very utilitarian.

Like where do I put my TI-84?

In a drawer at home.

You have to look snatched for

when you get Cricket Queen,

which you definitely will,

B-T-dubs. Everyone's voting for you.

You think so?

I know so. Right, Devi?

Guys, I need to tell you something.

I think I might be sort of

dating Paxton?


Where did that even come from?

I was trying something. Forget it.

What do you mean "sort of dating"?

Paxton came through my window

two nights in a row to make out.

How are we just hearing this?

You should've texted us

right after! Or during!

I know, but I think maybe

something's not great about it.

Last night, he came over

and gave me this whole speech

about how he's not into labels or PDA.

Are you worried that

he's ashamed of you?

But he's dated you publicly before.

Devi thought back to her

brief relationship with Paxton

and noticed a few things

she hadn't seen before.

Oh, you mean a lot to me too, bro.

Oh my God. I don't think he called

me his girlfriend then either.

I didn't notice because I was

busy two-timing him with Ben!

There's a very easy way to solve this.

The dance is on Saturday.

Every couple's going.

So if he sees you as his real

girlfriend, he'll ask you.

- Pfft!

- Which he definitely will, so

you need a dress, squirlfriend.

The next day, it seemed

like everywhere Devi turned,

people were asking

each other to the dance.

She was surrounded by

overt proclamations of love,

with no assurances that she

would get one of her own.

Paxton had six days to

ask her to the dance.

If he didn't, she would

officially be a sad side-piece.

Bro! Judge our burping contest?

- But today wasn't the day.

- Mmm.

And apparently, neither

was Tuesday or Wednesday.

So by Thursday morning,

Devi's chances of being asked to

the dance were looking kinda slim.

Devi was so confused because at

night, things were kinda steamy.

I usually go get a

snack when this happens.

And there was also a

decent amount of sweetness.

Why do you have a little man

made of trash lying around?

Don't make fun. He's my art.

I'm not making fun. I

love this gum-wrapper dude.

I'm gonna keep him.


Oh, Devi!

- Kamala?

- You forgot your lunch.

- Oh.

- And your wallet, and your phone.

Did you not notice you left with

an empty backpack this morning?

Thanks, Kamala. I've

been a little distracted.

Cousin Kamala. Hey, welcome back.

Oh, hi.

- Manish, right?

- Good memory.

So what are you doing back here?

Oh, did Devi get suspended again?

Give me some freaking credit, Mr. K.

What the ?

Roll, you know I gotta roll ♪

You know I gotta roll ♪

If you wanna roll with me ♪

Roll with me, don't fade on me, love ♪

Oh baby, don't play with me now ♪

Slow down, let me talk to you ♪

If you wanna roll with me ♪

Oh my God, Marcus! Of

course I'll go with you.


What was that?

Big Winter Dance this Saturday.

Oh! Devi, are you going?

- Uh, it's kinda for popular kids.

- Damn, Mr. K!

Maybe. I don't know. I still

have to figure some things out.

Uh, you know who is going?


Although most of the chaperones,

we bail on the dance and

go to Mr. Shapiro's class,

and we do karaoke, and we drink

booze Devi, you did not hear that.

- You should come by.

- Oh, I

Ew, she can't.

Her mega-hot fiancé's

parents are coming to town.

Sorry. I I didn't

mean it like a date.

You definitely did.

It's No. Thank you so much.

If it were any other

weekend, I'd love to come.

I'm always looking for an excuse

to publicly sing "Drops of Jupiter."

Now that even my adult cousin has

been asked to the Winter Dance,

it's time for me to dip.

Thanks for lunch, Kamala.

What up, Eric? I wanted to let you know

that I'll be at robotics practice later.

You said that the last eight practices.

I've talked about it in therapy.

Dude, you've missed

eight robotics practices?

You're the captain, and

robots are your whole brand.

Yeah, Gears Brosnan is

your emergency contact.

Yeah, I've just been busy

with this Cricket Queen stuff.

I didn't want to let Sasha

and Eve down. It's fine!

So, what's up with Paxton?

- He still hasn't asked you yet?

- No. I keep getting my hopes up.

Like last night, he said, "Hey,

do you want to go with me to

the Dan Stevens book signing?"

I guess Paxton loves Downton Abbey.

Sure, I could see him

as a Grantham-head.

Hey, babe! Someone left a little

message for you on my phone!

Hey, Ben. Hi.

It's your fellow Clipper

fan, Billy Crystal.

No way.

What are you doing for the

Winter Dance? Are you gonna go?

Or you gonna sit at home like a dope,

eating pretzels in your underwear?

Aneesa asked me to ask you

to go to the dance with her.

So what do you say?

You say, "Yes." Otherwise,

you are a complete doofus.

So what do you think? You a doofus?

Yeah, let's go to the

dance. That was awesome!

Full disclosure. I've

actually met William.

That's what his friends

call him, before

- Like a Hollywood

- Aneesa! Psst!


Did you just ask Ben to the dance?

Yeah. Why, is that weird?

No, no, no. It's just, most girls

around here wait for the guy to ask.

But that's so

old-fashioned, and honestly,

it's so much more stressful

waiting around for these dumb boys

to get their acts together.



So I don't know if you have

any weekend plans or anything,

but I was wondering if maybe

you wanna do something dumb

and go to

Whoa, Crazy Devi, are you

asking Paxton to the dance?

It's not

Yeah. Would you wanna

go to the dance with me?

Sorry, but no.


Mmm. Mmm.

Harsh, dude.

After that quite public rejection,

Devi was hoping to hide

out in the ladies' room

until everyone else went home.

But the thing about crying

in a high school bathroom is,

the last person you want to

see always walks right in.


Man entering the girls' bathroom.

I'm not, like, trying to record

you guys peeing or anything.

Ben? What are you

doing? Get out of here!

I saw what happened.


Could there just be one day

where I don't absolutely

humiliate myself?

Listen, if anyone should

be embarrassed, it's Paxton.

I mean, have you seen his Instagram?

The last video he posted was of him

putting a little snake in Trent's hair.

He's not, like, great

at decision-making.

Why are you being nice to me?

Shouldn't you be, like,

relishing this moment

with a tub of popcorn and a FIJI

Water from your dad's home office?

Well, I don't drink FIJI.

We only do Smartwater

because my dad reps Aniston.

Sure, of course.


I can't go out like this.

The last thing I need is for

Paxton to see that I've been crying

and think I'm even more pathetic.

Who cares what Paxton thinks?

When are you gonna realize that

that dick doesn't deserve you?

Also, I heard he bought

his abs in Mexico.

Thanks, Ben.

You're not the worst, you know that?

Hey, guys. I'm here,

and I got some snacks.

So, Lenny, did you ever figure out

what was wrong with the

hydraulic arm on the KX94?

- What's going on?

- I hate to inform you,

but you're no longer

captain of the robotics team.

I'm the captain now.

What? Says who?

Says everyone!

You abandoned us for your

pursuit of popularity.

But guess what?

There's no room for popularity

on the robotics team.

It's not about popularity. I was

trying to help the q*eer community.

Well, Lenny's q*eer.

Did it help him when we lost

to East Encino last week?

Lenny's q*eer?

- Oh.

- Also, you abandoned your robot.

He was left under a roof leak

and started to spark so much

that a little flame

burst forth from his head.


Jordan had to replace all of his wiring.

Hey, baby doll. Give Daddy some sugar.

I turned him into a straight-up player!

No! If anything, Gears is a

fussy old queen like C-3PO.

You may stay on the team,

Fabiola, but under my rule.

Hot damn, chickadee. You

make my freak flag fly.

You can't be serious. You're gonna climb

in here after what you did to me today?

I'm so sorry, Devi.

Knew you didn't think I was good enough.

What? I think you're good enough for me.

You rejected me in

front of your friends.

Not because I think I'm better than you.

Why then?

I don't know, Devi, maybe because

you humiliated me. Remember?

I mean, you two-timed me, and

then I got yeeted by a Chevy Volt.

How am I supposed to publicly be

with the girl who cheated on me.

and then ruined my swimming career?

The whole school would think I'm a joke.

When he said it like that,

it kinda made a lot of sense.

Look, Devi, I like you.

All right? I really do.

But we either do this

in secret or not at all.

So after he publicly swerved you,

he showed up for a sneaky link?

That dog!

Yeah, he said he'll only

be with me in secret.

How dare he not treat you

like the Tamil goddess you are?

You told him to take his toned

ass straight to hell, right?

Totally. I mean, 'cause if I didn't,

that'd be pathetic of me, right?

Hi, girls. Take your homework

upstairs. We're gonna need the room.

Why? What's happening?

We have to cook a regal feast for

Kamala's proposal dinner tomorrow.

Are we calling it a "proposal dinner"?

We don't have any

evidence to support that.

Oh, sure.

Maybe Prashant's parents

flew halfway around the world

to eat Domino's on our couch

and watch Ellen's Game of Games.

Stupid child.

Dad? You're in my room?

- Did I fall asleep on my homework again?

- Yes. You drooled all over your maths.

I'm happy to see you, but what's up?

I feel you could use

some fatherly wisdom.

I can tell your heart is a little heavy.

So you know about the Paxton situation?

I do, but it's not good enough

for you, my perfect girl.

You keep calling me that,

but I'm so far from perfect.

I keep messing things up.

I know.

Some of your recent decisions

have been totally wacko.

But just because you've

made some mistakes

doesn't mean you deserve

to settle for less.

The Devi I know would never agree

to be someone's secret girlfriend

kept in the shadows.

Maybe I'm different now.

You're not.

I have known you your entire life,

and you've never been the kind of

person who wanted to be hidden away.

Are you disappointed in me?

Of course not.

I call you my perfect girl

because you are perfect to me,

not because I expect you

to be perfect all the time.

Thanks, Dad.

I miss you.

I am always here.

After her talk with her dream dad,

Devi knew what she had

to do vis-à-vis Paxton.

But of course, the gods seemed to enjoy

making this as hard as possible for her.

- We need to talk.

- Ahh!

I can't be your secret

hookup. That's not who I am.


I want a boyfriend who'll take

me to the dance, hold my hand,

and let me sit in his lap while

we share a chicken sandwich.

That last one was very specific.

I saw Rosalia and Eric

do it, and it seemed nice.

- They make a really good couple.

- They're a great couple.

Anyway, I know a lot of this

is my fault, and I'm sorry.

But I'm not gonna settle for some

weird secret thing behind closed doors.

I wanna be someone's public girlfriend.

Look, Devi, I get it.

All right? Really, I do,

but I just can't be that for you.

I'm sorry.



thank you for the

time we spent together.

You are

very good at kissing.

This might seem like a sad

moment, but not long ago,

this teen had offered

up her virginity to him

like it was a hummus

sample at the grocery store,

and now, she was walking away

from an almost-relationship.

I have to say I'm

impressed with the kid.

Please don't look at my girlfriend ♪

She's the only one ♪

The only one ♪

Please don't look at my girlfriend ♪

Remember when we were gonna come tonight

in a sleek limo with sexy boyfriends?

But then, here we are. Single

at our first high school dance,

and we arrived in your

stepmom's hatchback.

Yeah. I'm really sorry my

dress almost suffocated you.

It really demands more space

than a two-door vehicle.


And I'm also really

sorry about Paxton, Devi.

- I know you're disappointed.

- Yeah.

But honestly, I'm psyched

that you're my date.

You're a huge step up from Malcolm.

He stopped wearing deodorant

after he heard Leo DiCaps doesn't.

His pits were loud!

Hey, guys. Um, did

Fabiola come with you?

No, we thought she was coming with you.

No. She told me she

was gonna meet me here,

but they'll hand out

the Cricket Crowns soon,

and she's not texting me back.

Huh. I wonder where she is.

Come on, Gears, come back to me.

Maybe you should just

oil me down, woman.


Why are you crying?

It doesn't matter. I'm fine.

Honey, your velvet's soaked

with tears. You're not fine.

I just thought it would

be easier after coming out,

but even with the q*eer girls,

I feel like I'm constantly

trying to fit in.

And now the robotics team

hates me, and Gears is a creep.

I guess I'm as bad at being a lesbian

as I was a closeted straight person.

I think what you mean is that

you're bad at being Sasha and Eve.

Being gay, you're fine

at. You like girls, right?

Very much so.

I had a dream the other night that

Dua Lipa was feeding me grapes.

I've had that dream too.

Jonah? Where'd you come from?

I'm ubiquitous, henny.

Also, my hearing aids have been

specifically tuned to eavesdrop.

It's hard after pretending for so long

to finally live your authentic life.

I don't love how

straight girls feel like

they can casually call me "bitch" now.

Amen, bitch. Oh.

The whole point of coming out

is to get to be who you are.

And we love who you are.


So, sister, be who you are.

What up, Sherman Oaks?

First of all, Zoe and I are so happy

to be back on the dance committee,

after everyone realized that the dance

is completely paid for by

my dad's car dealership.

And secondly,

in this envelope are the names

of this year's Cricket royalty.

So without further ado,

your Cricket Queen and

Cricket Queen are

Eve Hjelm and Fabiola Torres!

Let's get those sheroes up here.

Where the hell is she at?

I'm here! I'm here.

Okay, gorgeous!

All right, it's time

for the spotlight dance.

And just to remind you,

this is, like, historic.

So nobody else dance

out of respect, okay?

If you do, you're a bigot.

Those tiaras are giving me life.

Thanks, Gears.

Look, Eve, I have to tell you something.

I'm not cool.

I don't know anything about pop culture,

and I don't know how to use hip

phrases like "what's the tea?"

- And I feel unsafe in ripped jeans.

- I know all that.

And the only thing I

love besides my family,

friends, and you, are robots.

So I don't wanna miss

any more practices.

Wait, you love me?

Did I say that out loud?

Damn it! Why do I always blurt out

all of my most personal secrets?

I love you too.


Not because I care about you being cool.

Fabiola, you're the most

beautiful person I've ever met.

- Hello?

- Hi, Paxton.

It's Ms. Warner.

I'm sure you're at the

dance, so I won't keep you.

I was just going over your

end of the semester grades,

and I'm so impressed.

You've really turned it around!

Wow, really? So do you think I have

a chance of getting into college?

I do. If you keep this up,

you'll have plenty of options.

That's awesome!

So it seems like you and Devi made

a pretty good little team there, huh?

Not that I'm trying to take credit

for your accomplishments here.

Well, maybe just a little.

Have a good time tonight. Bye-bye.

I came here alone ♪

Just like ♪




Thanks again for the

pep talk the other day.

Yeah. No problem.

So, be honest,

were you in the girls'

bathroom to help me,

or was it for perv reasons,

and I happened to be there?

Obviously, perv reasons.

I don't care about you.

That's what I thought. I was like,

"Hold on, wait. Ben is sweet?"

- Then I was like, "Nah."

- Yeah, no, I'm a total creep.

So, uh, like, would you maybe want to

Hey, guys!

Ben, you can't be a wallflower all

night. You have to dance with me!

Think of the steps it'll

add to your pedometer.

Yeah, sure. Let's do it.

I came here alone ♪

Mmm, dinner was lovely.

But what I'm looking

forward to is dessert.

I'm not quite ready for dessert yet.

I still have a whole

lot of food on my plate.

I appreciate you wanting to seem like

a dainty eater in front of our guests,

but maybe you can try to eat more

than one pea at a time, Kamala,

so that they're not waiting so long.

That's okay. We don't have to rush.

Please, take your time.

Some of us don't have

a lot of time left,

and we can't wait forever for

you to slow-eat your matar paneer.

Prashant, have you given a thought

to how many children

you would like to have?

You know, you don't have to answer

that. Let me get the dessert first.

No! No, Pati, you sit.

I'll go get the dessert.

Ugh! Another slow song? This

is like the third one in a row.

Is the DJ trying to make

single people feel like shit?

It's Lenny.

Eric paid him 20 bucks to only

play slow songs for him and Rosalia.

You're broken ♪

I know this ♪



Aw. Look at our girl.

She looks so happy.

You know, I've learned

an important lesson.

Love is not the same

thing as being starstruck.

I think the right guy

for me will think that

- You're a star.

- Huh?

I saw you in the play. You were

straight-up transcendent, Erica.

It's Eleanor, but thank you.

So like you wanna dance or

something? You could say no.

the only one I'm fooling ♪

Is my stupid self ♪

- Really?

- Yeah.


Devi was thrilled her most

dramatic friend's night

had taken a romantic turn.

But looking at all the happy, let's

face it, horny couples around her,

made Devi feel even more alone.

It was time to get the hell out of here.

Goes, goes ♪

That's how love goes, goes ♪

Goes, goes ♪

That's how love goes, goes ♪

Goes, goes ♪

That's how love ♪

Say one day I'll be back ♪

Don't hold your breath ♪

Just know I hold a place ♪

For you always ♪

'Cause that's how love goes, goes ♪

That's how love goes, goes ♪

Devi! Oh my God, Devi.

Devi! Devi, are you okay?

I'm so sorry. I didn't see you.

You came to the dance.

Anything broken? Did you hit your head?

Did you come to the dance for me?

What? Yeah, obviously! Now, how

many fingers am I holding up?

Three. Wait, you came

to the dance for me?

- Yeah, I came to the dance for you.

- So what does that mean?

Are you sure I shouldn't take

you to, like, a hospital? Or

This dress is really padded. I'm fine.

Are you here as my friend or as my

Damn, Devi. You're gonna make me say it?

As your boyfriend.

It's happening! It's happening!

Shit! We've waited so long for this.

Sorry, having champagne.

I'll turn my mic off.

So, shall we dance?

Yeah. Okay.

Are you serious? Now,

you play a fast song?

I will end you, DJ Humanoid!

Hey! Hey, hey, it's okay.

We can still slow dance.

We're a million miles apart ♪

In a thousand ways ♪

Oh my God, he showed.

You've gotta be kidding me.

Of course, it's him.

It's always been him.

What? No, it hasn't.

After you took her to Malibu,

she wanted to choose you,

but Fab and I talked her

out of it. Sorry about that.

And everything she did to Aneesa

was because she was jealous,

'cause she thought you were

hooking up with her at the relay.

So just for the record,

it's not always been him.

In the darkest place ♪

So I guess I'm Paxton

Hall-Yoshida's girlfriend now.

- Guess so.

- I wonder what that's gonna be like.

Oh, we're just ♪

Just tryna find ourselves ♪

In the storms we chase ♪

Ey, ey, ey, ey, ey ♪

Baby, in and out of summer ♪

We could find our way ♪

I, I think about you ♪

Ooh, whoa-whoa, eh ♪

I can't help thinking 'bout ya ♪

I'm always thinking 'bout ya ♪

Ooh, whoa, whoa, whoa, yeah ♪

S-s-s-say something, say something ♪

Tell me how you're feeling ♪

'Cause love is love, it never ends ♪

Can we all be as one again? ♪

'Cause love is love, it never ends ♪

Can we all be as one again? ♪

'Cause love is love, it never ends ♪

Can we all be as one again? ♪

'Cause love is love, it never ends ♪

Can we all be ♪
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