03x01 - Miko Iino Wants to Be Soothed/Kaguya Doesn't Realize/Chika Fujiwara Wants to Battle

[bunniefuu]

Oh, I'm going to have an orange now, okay?

SEE YOU

I am watching.

Bye-bye, way to die!

HOSHIN FESTIVAL

THE th STUDENT COUNCIL

Shuchiin Academy is back!

Yuck. Only you, Ishigami?

What do you mean, "yuck"?

Is it that revolting to see only me here?

MIKO IINO WANTS TO BE SOOTHED

When did I ever say that?

You might as well have.

Anyway, what's the deal today? Where are President and the others?

The second-years have assembly.

You should know that if you're on the student council.

I can't even keep my own grade's schedule straight, so how should I know?

Just hearing your voice gives me a headache.

Stop talking to me.

She's wearing earphones to avoid hearing my voice?

Not that it matters. I couldn't care less about you, either.

Is that rain?

No, those are ambient sounds!

Hey...

So, Iino doesn't realize that her earphones aren't plugged in all the way.

Been there, done that. When everyone can hear your music leaking, and you're mortified.

Should I let her know?

But if I do, I just know she's going to start yapping at me like a stupid little dog.

Oh well, it just so happens that I'm in the mood to hear some healing sounds.

I should just leave it, right?

SOOTHING I

SOOTHING II

What's this? The sounds of a construction site?

No, this overpowering sense of vitality...

A camel's bellow?

No, come on! Who would use this as study music?

What is this but pure noise?

Wait, but she looks like she's totally chilling out!

So Iino is eccentric, after all.

I mean, she's smart but inefficient,

and once she makes up her mind, nothing can change it.

Even now, she's studying every spare second she's got.

Well, maybe I should take a page from her book in that respect.

No wonder she's so stressed.

If this is what it takes to soothe her, then who am I to criticize her?

SOOTHING II

SOOTHING III

Yes, you're awesome.

You're trying so hard.

You're perfect the way you are.

You're such a good girl.

It's all right. It's all right, I'm telling you.

It's hard, isn't it?

Go ahead and cry if you want to.

Don't worry. I'm on your side.

Scary, scary, scary, scary, scary, scary, scary!

What is this, brainwashing? Iino, listening to this soothes your soul?

As if that camel wasn't bizarre enough! Where do they even sell this?

"Moral Support from Heartthrobs" CD Vol. .

You're fabulous. Be more confident in yourself.

Yours for , yen via mail order only!

That's right. Even though no one's been hurt more than you,

No. I'm sure it's just sound samples from some weird site that slipped in somehow.

who knew that you'd go so far for that person?

It's not like Iino's listening to it because she wants to...

You really are kindhearted.

What a sincere girl you are.

She looks more serene than she has all day!

Oh man, it's too late!

You're so cute.

Now I can't let her know that I can hear it, too!

So adorable... I want to hold you right now.

If I were in her shoes, I'd die!

Cute...

Cuter...

- Cutest! - Cutest!

Hello!

Fujiwara!

That was close!

Huh? I thought I heard someone else's voice just now.

My throat's kinda scratchy, you know.

Hey, you're listening to music, Miko!

What are you listening to?

What? Um...

It's some light healing music.

Oh...

No, it was pretty heavy!

Sorry to interrupt your studies!

Oh no! Not at all!

Hold on a second!

What's your problem?

Uh, how shall I put it?

I'd like to consult you both.

Consult us?

Actually, uh...

For me personally, it's a serious dilemma.

There's this person named Tsubame on the Cheerleading Squad...

Listen, will you?

At least listen to the beginning! Is that how little interest you have in me?

Yes.

Of course it is!

Dammit!

Who do you think I'm going to all these desperate lengths for?

But I guess if only Fujiwara hears it, there'd be no damage.

G-Go on, okay?

Hey! Come on!

If Shinomiya and President heard, she'd die. But if it's just Fujiwara...

We don't really need to hear it.

But it sounds like a love story, don't you think?

Sorry we're late!

This timing!

Oh, hello!

Did these two have to show up at a time like this?

Good afternoon.

How are you doing?

I'm exhausted.

Being exposed to serious people like them will be a huge blow!

I'm going to make some tea.

YOUR EARPHONES ARE LOOSE

What should I do? Should I just go ahead and tell her?

That way, I can prevent the worst-case scenario of everyone finding out.

But...

What? Then you heard all that just now?

Wow! Is this Golden Chip?

Yes. I had it shipped directly from Sri Lanka.

Miko, why don't you take a break?

Oh no.

I'm not finished.

Right now, there's no one who can protect her...

but me.

Ishigami, Ishigami!

Your earphones must not be plugged in all the way.

Been there, done that.

And what is that happy-go-lucky song?

When she sees me totally disgraced like this,

Iino should realize the danger and replug her earphones.

This way, I can keep her secret safe. And Iino herself will be none the wiser.

Could you be more scatterbrained, Ishigami?

Even I'm embarrassed!

Say what you want.

I did this on my own. Not because I wanted you to thank me.

I'm okay with this.

All right, I'm going back to studying.

Ah, you're so sweet. You really are adorable.

Enchanté... My petit mignon...

Everyone's head over heels in love with you.

I wouldn't call it "head over heels," idiot!

Today's battle result...

Ishigami and Iino lose.

THE STUDENT COUNCIL MEMBERS HEAD HOME AS IF NOTHING HAD HAPPENED.

KAGUYA DOESN'T REALIZE

Welcome home.

I'm back.

Hey, gotten the hang of your smartphone yet?

MIYUKI SHIROGANE

Now, how should I reply?

FLUTTER FLUTTER

LINE debut!

She'd finally made her smartphone debut the other day

which meant that she'd also made her LINE debut!

Lady Kaguya, you've been staring at your smartphone for two hours now.

You should send your reply sooner than later, don't you think?

There's really no need to rush, is there?

After all, it's not as if he knows when I've seen his message.

What?

Even if my reply is tardy, all I have to do is apologize and say I only just saw his message.

No...

Not being used to the flick input technique,

Kaguya still has yet to send a single message herself!

So, a certain hypothesis presents itself to Hayasaka!

Could it be that Lady Kaguya is unaware of the read receipt system?

Read receipts!

In LINE, the moment your recipient opens the chat window...

the message you sent is marked "Read" and a notification appears onscreen.

What are you up to?

READ

While it's a convenient function that allows you to confirm your messages,

it's also an unforgiving system that invalidates the excuse "I haven't read it yet!"

IT SAYS "READ," BUT THERE'S NO ANSWER!!

It has been two hours since Kaguya's read receipt popped up!

Shirogane is in a state of slight frenzy!

It says "Read," but I haven't heard back yet!

If you even try to get away with saying "I just read it now"...

you'll be instantly outed as a liar!

It could even expose the fact that you'd been staring at your smartphone the whole time!

Hayasaka wasn't sure what to do.

Should she explain the concept of read receipts to Kaguya

or remain silent?

But considering the uproar that would ensue if Kaguya found out that she'd held out on her...

Lady Kaguya, the thing about LINE—

Another message from President!

Instant read receipt!

Really, how impatient you are.

When you have the sender's chat window open...

What's wrong? Don't know how to use it?

a read receipt is generated the instant the text arrives!

You might as well be saying, "I'm looking at your chat window now."

READ

Instant read receipt!

So she is looking at it right now!

What is an instant read receipt during an inactive chat but a signal that you're monitoring texts?

At that point, you've reached stalker territory!

Lady Kaguya...

Did you have President's chat window open when you received the first two messages?

Yes, I did.

Three instant read receipts in a row, no less!

Hayasaka goes pale!

Shirogane is bewildered!

Kaguya stretches!

Kei limbers up!

The only one unaware of this crisis is Kaguya!

Looks like I should let him panic a bit longer.

Lady Kaguya...

When you text someone, you need to tell them that you just saw it.

You don't have to tell me that.

Oh, it's a text from Miss Fujiwara.

Hayasaka opted not to explain.

Eating ramen with my glasses on fogs them up like CRAZY

MISS FUJIWARA

At a time like this...

What... is... this?

What is this?

READ

What?

What is this word, "Read"? Don't tell me that...

If I answer Miss Fujiwara, the exchange will be lengthy.

I can respond later.

Oh. Texts from Ishigami and Iino, too.

Ishigami here. Nice to connect.

How am I supposed to react to this?

Hello, it's Iino! So you've made your smartphone debut at last, Shinomiya! Please text me whenever you feel like it, it would thrill me to no end!

MIKO

She's a totally different person away from school.

Let's see, Iino says...

Lady Kaguya, in LINE, you must reply to texts in the order that you received them.

What? Is that what's expected?

Yes. That's the proper etiquette.

Hayasaka just lied as easily as she would draw a breath.

TRUTH

LIE

Fine. President first, right?

I've sent it!

KAGUYA SHINOMIYA Sorry, I just saw your message now...

Seriously, you just read it?

Why would you tell such a blatant lie?

Shinomiya doesn't know about read receipts, does she?

In that case, I should avoid generating read receipts, right?

Fake unreads!

The first few lines of a text are displayed on a smartphone's notification screen.

If all you do is look at that, no read receipt notification will be sent.

This would prevent any read receipts from showing up on Kaguya's smartphone.

I see, so Shinomiya's been staring at my chat window all this time.

For two whole hours!

She would only do that for someone she was into, right?

Yes! Sufficient grounds to force Kaguya to admit her feelings!

However, if her excuse was that she'd disabled sleep mode and left the chat window open,

this would validate the claim "I just saw this" even after consecutive read receipts.

So, I need to extract a commitment of some kind.

But he can't send a message without opening the chat window.

However, opening the chat window would generate a read receipt. A Catch-!

That hurts!

There's the option of emailing her, but that might seem suspicious.

In that case, I should text her from the group chat!

STUDENT COUNCIL NETWORK "Have you tweaked your smartphone settings?" READ "For example, turned off the sleep mode function?" READ

If I use the group chat window, there'll be no read receipt, right?

I haven't really done any tinkering.

READ

What? "Read"?

Oh, here's another message from Iino.

Please don't leave me on read

Hey! And do you want to exchange phone numbers?

Leave on read? What's that?

You have a call from President!

You need to pick up now!

Wait! How did she know I read it?

Hurry up and answer!

SHIROGANE INCOMING CALL

Oh!

Really!

Hey, Shinomiya...

How are you?

President...

How may I help you?

Since you're new to using LINE, I thought I'd offer you some tips.

Shinomiya, do you know what a read receipt is?

Shinomiya...

Do you know what a read receipt is?

When a message is displayed in the app,

a read notification is sent to the sender when you display a message in the app.

In other words, the sender can see when you've read their message.

Come to think of it, the three messages I sent you at different intervals

were all marked as "Read" the instant I hit "Send."

What exactly does that mean, I wonder.

The system wouldn't send a notification unless you had the chat window open.

But they were all marked as "Read" right away.

You had our chat window open the whole time.

There's just no other explanation.

I can take your silence as a yes, then?

Shinomiya...

Could it be that you have feelings for—

You couldn't be more wrong.

What?

DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS

That voice...

Is that you, Hayasaca?

Yes.

Lady Kaguya's messages are always screened via computer by the household staff.

That's why some get marked as "Instantly Read."

What?

People really do that?

That's the norm among the upper classes.

It's actually the norm!

Lady Kaguya would never spend two whole hours glued to her smartphone, would she?

Of course not.

WELL DONE

Kaguya is off the hook!

Does this mean the staff's read every text I've sent until now?

Since then,

MULTIPLE MESSAGES DUE TO HIS IMPATIENCE

From: President I was trying to tell you something as you hung up the phone. Looks like tonight will get pretty cold, so stay warm when you go to sleep. Good night.

texting Kaguya has become a colossal pain for Shirogane.

CHEESY EMAIL

Could it be that she hates me?

No response.

Today's battle result...

Iino, Fujiwara and Ishigami lose.

The look on the face of someone who thoroughly explained, "LINE's fine and all, but Discord's pretty good, too" and got blank stares in return.

MOMOKO-CHAN THE MULTICOLORED DOVE

WHINE WHINE

I give up! My arms are dead!

CHIKA FUJIWARA WANTS TO BATTLE

You're such a slacker, Ishigami.

And you call yourself a man?

That's called "sexism," you know.

There you go again, being tedious.

Then let me put it another way. As a human, you're a slacker, Ishigami.

That stings even more.

This isn't even that heavy!

Ishigami, you need to eat more meat so you can build more muscle!

Or you'll never survive once you're out in the real world.

Improbable machismo.

Say what you want. I'm still a guy.

I'm more muscular than a female like you.

Hey, Miko...

Wanna arm wrestle?

Huh? Well, sure, I guess.

All right, let's do this!

Ready, set—

SMIRK

Ouch!

SLAM

Ishigami, I have a feeling...

that you see me as just an intellectual, purehearted girl, don't you?

No. Not in the least.

I'm conscientious about taking care of myself.

I have zero cavities, and I run in Yoyogi Park on the weekends.

WITH CONFIDENCE

I happen to be a low-sugar, low-carb girl who never goes to bed

without doing weight training for minutes!

In terms of muscle mass, there's no way that I'd be inferior to a shut-in NEET like you!

Someone's full of bluster.

It may not be obvious, but I was a jock-type in junior high.

Sorry, but I'm not so fragile that I'd be outdone by women and children.

Is that right?

Then I propose a contest to decide!

The student council...

will face off in an arm wrestling tournament!

THE STUDENT COUNCIL ARM WRESTLING TOURNAMENT

I'll be glad to take you on!

All of us?

Arm wrestling!

A battle of strength needing no explanation!

A game that separates the strong from the weak based solely on one's physique and muscular strength!

This tournament will decide the best and the worst!

LAST PLACE

#

What's wrong with just deciding who's #?

Not good enough! We're going to settle this once and for all!

A society that allows the weak to go about their lives oblivious to their own weakness

is due for a reset!

Scary.

Still, arm wrestling, huh?

Hold on.

That means I'll have Shinomiya's hand in mine.

Pwesident...

Pwease be gentle with me.

All right, I'm in! I'm a man, too!

REFEREE

If you're all going to take part...

The arm wrestling tournament is on!

THE STUDENT COUNCIL ARM WRESTLING TOURNAMENT

Here are the results of the draw!

KAGUYA ISHIGAMI FUJIWARA SHIROGANE

KING

Match #!

MEGURO-KU

MINATO-KU

Ishigami versus Kaguya!

Referee, may I have a word with you?

What is it?

I'm actually left-handed.

What? Are you really?

But you normally hold your pen in your right hand, don't you?

That's because I was trained that way.

But in terms of strength, my dominant hand would be my left.

Um, how should we handle a situation like this?

I'm fine with using my left hand.

After all, I'm a man.

She wouldn't be able to make a match of it without a handicap.

Thank you very much.

All right, then...

Ready... Fight!

Huh?

A rock?

What's her deal?

I'm pushing and pulling, and she's not even budging!

Huh? That condescending look in Shinomiya's eyes... So scary!

The bow Kaguya uses in the archery club has a draw weight of kg.

This is the same draw weight used by most male high school students.

Furthermore, Kaguya has gained solid muscle mass in her left hand over the years.

Ishigami, whose muscles are below-average for boys his age, doesn't stand a chance!

Heave-ho, there we go, heave-ho!

Shinomiya wins!

Ishigami loses!

Huh?

WEAKLING

All right, why don't you put this on?

So cute!

I just created another cute one!

Come on, look at me!

KAGUYA ISHIGAMI FUJIWARA SHIROGANE

KING

So Shinomiya won.

LAST PLACE

That means I have to win, too.

Match #!

SHIBUYA-KU

SETAGAYA-KU

Shirogane versus Fujiwara!

My opponent is Fujiwara.

I really don't see myself losing to a girl.

But Ishigami did in fact just lose now.

President...

SQUEEZE SQUEEZE

Let's fight fair and square, okay?

You got it.

All right, then, ready...

SQUEEZE SQUEEZE

You cad.

Fight!

THUNK

What's this? She's stronger than she looks!

Referee? Is this legal?

Huh? Is what legal?

I'm talking about Miss Fujiwara's hand position.

Compared to President, Miss Fujiwara's hand is disproportionately positioned toward his fingertips.

Obviously, she can easily generate more power

FULCRUM

ADVANTAGEOUS

DISADVANTAGEOUS

by gripping his fingertips, thanks to the principle of leverage.

SQUEEZE SQUEEZE

Earlier, when they were grappling,

I saw her casually slide her grip near his fingertips.

This gives Miss Fujiwara a one-sided advantage.

What?

Fujiwara...

See, I knew you'd stoop that low!

BLUSH BLUSH

Is that how bad you want to win?

How sneaky is that?

RULES

Cheating is as easy as breathing for you!

CHEAT

I recorded the whole thing, so I'll send it to you later!

BLUSH BLUSH

FLOP

President wins.

Good work, Senpai!

This is for you!

IDEALS

Anyway,

here are our two finalists.

President...

Let's fight fair and square, okay?

President...

The final showdown!

Kaguya versus Shirogane!

SHIROGANE

KAGUYA

Let's get this over with and get back to work.

Yes. I plan on doing just that.

All right, then, ready...

Fight!

GO

It's a close match!

This is beyond intense!

Neither one is conceding any ground!

It's pride versus pride, crashing into each other!

I don't think this is safe!

What's going on here?

Look at how abnormally flushed they both are!

Excessive adrenaline secretion!

At this moment, their muscles have gone beyond all human limits!

If they keep this up, their arms will become useless!

No way! Why...

Why would you make that much of an effort?

At a glance, this looks like a deathmatch!

However...

it was actually quite moderate.

This moment gripping each other's hands was unexpectedly blissful.

HOLDING TIGHT

Shinomiya never had any intention of winning.

She was maintaining this position by exerting slightly more strength than her opponent.

Shirogane intended to win in the end

but also determined that he had the upper hand anyway.

Both contestants were striving to prolong the match!

One more minute, and I'll go down in defeat with grace.

I'm actually starting to sweat.

Sweat?

My hand is sweaty?

Nooooo!

SLAM

The winner of this nail-biter is Shinomiya!

Hooray!

You two were great! Good job!

Our first Muscle Queen is...

MUSCLE QUEEN

LAST PLACE

KAGUYA ISHIGAMI FUJIWARA SHIROGANE

Shinomiya!

Congratulations!

"Muscle Queen"?

- That's our Kaguya! - Unbelievable!

Starting today, this is how we should refer to you, Kaguya!

Princess Muscle.

"Princess Muscle"?

Once upon a time, there were people called "Elderly Builders." They were plucked from gyms and made to compete in all kinds of tournaments. Among these builders was one whose muscles sparkled. Finding this strange, I moved closer and found that he was shining from inside his muscles. Once I saw that, how powerful this tiny man seemed to me.

Muscle! Muscle! Muscle!

P-Please stop!

Please!

Stop that!

Muscle! Muscle! Muscle! Muscle!

That last bit of torque...

was impressive.

You won. No doubt about it, Shinomiya.

I mean...

Muscle Queen!

Nooooo!

KAGUYA (MUSCLE QUEEN) WINS

Today's battle result...

Kaguya wins.

Ready...

Fight!

TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT KAGUYA (MUSCLE QUEEN) WINS

Yes!

My arm's broken!