07x06 - It's Five O'Clock Somewhere

[bunniefuu]

♪

♪

What are you doing?

Watching you.

Why?

Do you have anything
you want to tell me?

No.

Are you sure about that?

Let's go, let's go!

LIONEL: Hey, uh, quick reminder,

the jaymester and I
have tee-ball tonight!

- Anne, you're working late?
- ANNE: Yup.

LIONEL: Okay, Alice,
you can fend for yourself?

- ALICE: Yup.
- LIONEL: Great, let's go!

♪

♪

LIONEL: Um...

Is there a reason we're
just looking at each other?

ANNE: Is there anything new at school?

Any new...

friends?

Okay, I don't know
why you're being weird.

[PHONE CHIMES]

That, right there. That.

Who... who're you texting?

Your drug dealer?

ALICE: Okay, if you must know...

I've been seeing this guy.

I knew it!

That's interesting.
Were you ever gonna tell us?

I'm telling you now.

Well, maybe you should have mentioned

this information before,
you know, so that people have

all the information they
need to move forward

with all of the information.

You know how secrets affect your father!

I think secrets affect everyone, really.

Is it serious?

I mean... it's not...

not serious...?

Okay, you should really
tell us when things

are not "not serious"!

- ALICE: Why?
- ANNE: 'Cause...

[STAMMERING]

Okay, Mom,
I'll be sure to keep you posted

about everything that's going
on in my life from now on.

Like right now, I have to get to school.

That's not such a bad secret!

I bet he's really nice.

♪

Alright, mama's just
gotta get caffeinated,

and then I will be out the door.

- [DOOR OPENS]
- PAUL: Good morning!

I brought coffee.

Manifest that sh*t, right?

So, how was your bundle date?

Uh, it was...

it was good.

Now I need to find my...

Keys?

Thank you!

So, what'd you guys talk about?

SLOANE: You know,
all the weird thoughts and feelings

you have when you bring home a baby,

the ones you think you're
the only one having.

He had some I hadn't even
thought of, actually.

I'm sorry, "he"?

SLOANE: Yeah,
this guy came in place of his wife

who couldn't make it.

I thought bundle app was for new mothers

to meet other new mothers.

I'm sorry, are you jealous?

How sweet!

I'm not... [SCOFFS] No, I'm just saying,

I don't know how much
this dude can know about

lactating at work and...

I'm meeting Alyssa today, the mom.

The real mom,
and we're gonna talk "mom" things.

And I'm gonna be late, so, uh...

Now I just need my...

Phone.

It's like you know what
I need before I need it.

And don't you forget it.

Sorry.

PAUL: Have fun on your date with Alyssa.

RAM: Getting Seedless on
"The Best Lay" was brilliant.

In fact, we'd love to open
up the Fronterraverse...

Time out... "Fronterraverse"?

No? It's no good?

Oh, that's terrible.

It's just something I'm trying out.

- Fronterra-sphere?
- KATE: Oh, boy.

RAM: Fronterra-opolis?

I mean,
let's stick with "Fronterraverse."

Least offensive.

Well... we would just love to
get your eyes on another product

that we're excited about.

Really? Okay, what is it?

RAM: It's called Horamo.

It's a migraine pill that's
tested extremely well

in clinical trials.

KATE: You know, I used to get migraines.

If I overdo it with salt,

it's like a wrecking ball to my head.

RAM: And they're brutal.

But Horamo is a miracle pill,

and branding it as such is key.

So, if you're interested,

I would love to spitball
some angles with you.

Uh, yeah, for sure.

I got a bunch of meetings today,
but you wanna come back around ?

Or we could ditch the office,

maybe go somewhere a
little more inspiring?

- I know just the place.
- KATE: Oh.

So, what do you say?
You up for a field trip?

Yeah, I love field trips.

Okay, great.

I will text you the address.

Oh, mysterious.

Where are we going
on this field trip, huh?

Pioneer village? [CHUCKLES]

See what life was like before, uh,

pharmaceutical companies?

Yeah.

♪

Okay.

Listen, Seamus.

I've really enjoyed our time together,

but I'm afraid I have some bad news.

No bad news today, doc.

Good news only!

Well...

SEAMUS: I finally got the
green light from my girl.

What does that mean?

[CHUCKLES]

Sex?

What, uh...

What happened to taking things slow?

To the... to the rush of waiting?

Yeah, that, um...

That ship's kinda sailed. [LAUGHS]

I mean, we're...

we're ready.

Yeah, so, Alice... that's her name...

Is it?

SEAMUS: Yeah,
so Alice invited me over to her place.

To my... to her house?

Are her parents cool with it?

They probably don't know. [LAUGHS]

They might.

Yeah, but I think they're
gonna be out around .

That's when she said to come over.

Is that today?
It's all goin' down today?

That's the plan.

Wow.

That's so... fast.

KATE: Five o'clock?

ANNE: [ON PHONE] Five o'f*cking clock!

I'm gonna break his knees.

I'm gonna break his
g*dd*mn f*cking knees!

KATE: Well, someone's sounding
like their old selves again.

And, sorry,
what exactly is your plan here?

Oh, I got a plan.

I cancelled my end of day,
outta here by ,

and I'm heading straight
home to scare the sh*t

out of my daughter and put
that boy in a body cast.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down, alright?

I thought you liked this kid.

I thought you said he was
nice and fun and exciting.

I mean, maybe he'd be good for Alice.

Yeah, I don't want him to deflower her!

But you do realize
you'll blow your cover

the second you walk through that door.

sh*t, I didn't think of that. Um...

Uh, f*ck, okay.

New plan. I need you to do it.

- KATE: What? I can't!
- ANNE: Why?

First of all, it's psycho.

Second, I've got a client meeting.

Lemme guess, with your work crush?

No.

Yes.

Augh, just forget it. I'll do it myself.

KATE: You're gonna bone yourself!

Well, as long as I'm the
only one getting boned!

♪

JENNY: So, what do you think?

Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner.

Really? What's it worth?

Beaut like that, get you k.

Holy sh*t!

I mean, k.

k.

Thirty-five.

- SHOP OWNER: Sold.
- JENNY: sh*t!

[CASH REGISTER OPENS]

Fine.

There you go.

- SHOP OWNER: Thank you.
- JENNY: Thanks.

Okay, Zoe, let's get outta here.

So, let's get you a little treat.

But first, something for mommy!

Hand it over!

Whatever you got!

Get out of here, fuckwad!

Okay.

Okay. Yeah, oh f*ck, f*ck.

Fine, fine.

♪

ZOE: You let him take it?

What else am I supposed to do?

♪

♪

VAL: It won't stop coming.

I'm engorged all the time.

And now I have all this milk
that nobody wants or needs.

Oh, I tried wrapping them in cabbage,
but they won't dry up.

You've come to the right place.

We're currently accepting donations.

Okay, let's go.

Just a few more.

Not too, too many more, I don't think.

WOMAN: Unbelievable.

I am so sorry. I'll be done in a minute.

No, what's unbelievable is
that you have so much milk

and you're not trying to sell it.

I can sell it?

You know what, Sheila? I'll be in touch.

Thank you.

JENNY:
I heard this class was pretty good.

Yeah, I just felt like I should take it,
you know?

Single mom in the city!

I was actually advised to take it,
by the cops,

after I got mugged.

GARY: On your feet! [CLAPS HANDS]

Welcome to the citizen
self-defence class.

I am your instructor, Gary Goldman.

Oh, no.

Oh, hell no!

♪

JONATHAN: How 'bout...

this one?

Doesn't scream "Tasking" to me.

JONATHAN: Right.

Hey, here's a thought: Maybe we don't

do the image thing on every chapter?

It's Maggie's vision for the book.

Take a walk with it.

What else have we got?

No.

We've used this one before.

Next.

No, I don't think we have.

But it could work.

No, I'm sure I've seen her before.

JONATHAN: Trust me.

I never forget a stock image face.

Sloane, should I move on?

Sure.

GARY: Now, what do I mean when I say
"head on a swivel"?

I mean I want you to be
aware of your surroundings

and any possible dangers at all times,
okay?

You're telling me
you're all here for him?

So, imagine that I am your attacker.

[CHUCKLES]

GARY: Who wants to volunteer
for a demonstration?

Great, Jenny. Perfect.

Yeah, but I didn't volunteer.

Now, your assailant will not
ask for a volunteer either.

Alright, now,
an unwavering centre of gravity

is important in this situation.

So I take a stance like this,

and I want you to try
and knock me off balance.

You know I'm freakishly strong.

If you say so.

What the f*ck is in there?

You were ready for me.

So I want another sh*t.

Feel free to surprise me.

JENNY: [YELLS]

Hey!

GARY: There.

Now you gonna let me do my job?

Uh-huh.

Thank you, Jenny.

JENNY: What was that?

And, like, how are you so strong?

And, like...

Well, I train a lot.

Shut up!

What am I even doing?

♪

[BABY CRYING]

Something wrong?

I've tried everything, Val.

My baby won't drink formula

and my own milk has suddenly dried up!

It just so happens that I might
have something that can help.

It'll cost you, though.

Money's not an issue!
I just don't know what...

Shh, shh...
lemme get you somethin' real nice.

Ah, ah! You want the milk,
you gotta cough up the cheese.

♪

♪ Start my hustle at
the cr*ck of dawn ♪

♪ 'cause I've been puttin'
in the miles... ♪

Is that enough?

Thank you.

♪ Yeah, every night
I'm going overtime. ♪

- ♪ I work all damn day. ♪
- ♪ (Uh-huh) ♪

- ♪ So pay me my money ♪.
- Oh, hey,

any of you mamas havin'
trouble with your supply?

I got the good stuff.

Tit to table. I don't f*ck around.

Listen up.

I've been downing apricots.

Sardines.

Nothing but yolks.

Looks like that hungry
little baby needs an upgrade

from skim...

to cream.

♪ Pay me my money. ♪

I'll see you tomorrow. There you go.

Got your purple nerp,
your dairy daze, classic OG skim.

Any takers for some
super sour grandma skunk?

♪ Pay me my money... ♪

♪ Pay me my money. ♪

♪ Make it rain, yo,
every time I say so ♪

♪

♪ So pay me my money! ♪

Hey!

Me again!

Aw, wife couldn't make it?

OSCAR: No, no, no, no.

She got caught up
in another meeting, so...

Where's your... baby?

Who are you and what the
f*ck do you want from me?

What? What are you talking about?

SLOANE:
Is your wife a stock photo model?

Okay, alright. I'm sorry.

I saw your profile on
my sister's bundle app

and I borrowed her kid,

because I'm an author

and I really would hope that
you would read my manuscript.

Oh, this is great.

OSCAR: It is great.
It's, um, a fantasy novel...

Yeah, of course it is.

...about a cynical teen.

So, Catcher in the Rye.

He and his friends, they get stranded.

Mm, meets Lord of the Flies.

But get this... he's a wizard!

Meets Harry f*cking Potter!

Is there an original thought
in your head anywhere?

Whoa, you don't have to be so mean!

No wonder you need an
app to find friends.

SLOANE: Yeah, that's right, I do.

Because new motherhood is isolating.

And it's really hard to find
friends going through that

when you work as hard as I do.

Which you can't relate to,
since you're too busy

borrowing babies to bait
and stalk innocent women.

You know what?

That's actually a great idea for a book.

I might green-light that.

Really? Should we work on that?

You might wanna f*ck off.

When I look back on it,

I think my marriage
was destined to fail.

I think I've always been trying
to re-create a family unit...

- ANNE: Mm.
- MARK: ...ever since

my parents were ripped away
from me in the accident.

And that's our time, Mark!

Okay.

I'm sorry to rush you, I just...
I have somewhere to be.

Uh, is it okay if I use
your bathroom real quick?

Oh, yeah. There's just...

There's just a key that I
need you to return, so...

Uh, please?

Oh, uh, okay, if you could just,
uh, maybe be quick about it.

- MARK: Yeah.
- ANNE: Okay.

- MARK: You got it.
- ANNE: Yup, thanks.

♪

Hey, I don't mean to be rude,

but are you almost done in there?

MARK: Uh, I'll just be a second!

Okay, it's just that it's a
bit of an emergency for me.

Mark?

Just... just keep the key!

f*ck!

f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.

f*ck! f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!

sh*t, f*ck! sh*t, f*ck!

Okay...

STRANGER: Oh, hey!
I had a little oopsie!

I dinged your bumper.

I was about to leave you a note!
I'm so sorry!

- No, it's okay!
- No, no, I want to do things

the right way, okay, so I think...

My daughter is about to be penetrated!

Please move, come on!

♪

♪

The Science Centre?

This is your goldmine of inspiration?

Look, you laugh, but I've come up with

some pretty sophisticated ideas here.

Uh-huh. Oh!

RAM: Okay, trust me.

- This is the place.
- KATE: Okay.

RAM:
We just gotta try and keep an open mind.

KATE: Alright, open.

RAM: We just...

- KATE: Mmm.
- BOTH: Mm-hm.

Oh, I'm inspired.

RAM: [CLEARS THROAT]

Okay, maybe this is
just not the right display.

- KATE: Okay.
- RAM: Okay, let's, let's...

KATE: Okay. [CHUCKLES]

This could be something right here.

Uh...

RAM: Uh...

No, yeah, it's nothing.

BOTH: It's nothing.

KATE: How about a wrecking
ball to the skull, right?

RAM: Ooh!

How about, like,
a woodpecker right at your temple?

I mean, it's less impact... Uh...

A little cartoony, maybe?

- RAM: Cartoony, cartoony.
- KATE: Something better.

- RAM: We don't like cartoons.
- KATE: No, no.

RAM: What... what... what is this?

It's inspirational, is what it is.

Clearly you've brought
me to the goldmine.

- Okay, alright.
- [PHONE BUZZING]

We're trying... I'm trying.

You are trying!

[PHONE BUZZING]

I'm so sorry, I have to take this.

Uh, you wanna wrangle up
some of those dino costumes?

Maybe that'll help?

Hey, what's up?

NATHAN: [ON PHONE] Would you
mind picking up some cheese

on your way home for pizza night?

Ella threw it all over the floor.

sh*t, I'm so sorry.

I'm, uh... I'm gonna be late.

I'm brainstorming a
new drug for Fronterra.

Oh, okay.

Just gonna eat at the office, then?

KATE: I'm, uh... I'm not at the office.

I'm at the Science Centre.

Cool.

That sounds fun.

You out there with the whole team?

No, uh, it's funny, I'm just...
it's just Ram and I.

The Fronterra CEO.

NATHAN: Oh... Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah, apparently it's a good
place to generate ideas.

I'm not sold yet. [CHUCKLES]

Right. Well...

You two have fun.

I mean, it's not gonna be fun.

Just work. Anyway, I love you.

Bye!

- RAM: Hey.
- KATE: Mm, hi!

Uh, there's something
I want to show you.

Cool. Let's get to work.

[LAUGHS]

KATE: [EXHALES] Okay...

I see the appeal.

- RAM: Right?
- KATE: Wow...

Oh my God.

Okay, what's that one? Is that Orion?

That's Uranus.

Oh.

Oh, what's that one?

Ah, that's also Uranus.

You don't know what any of these are?

No!

I don't have to know what
they are to be amazed.

Call me a dork, but when I need it,

this room is my escape.

I totally get it.

For me, it's the Aquarium.

Another great place to look at
sh*t you know nothing about.

RAM: Yeah?

Man, it's quiet in here.

Yeah.

I mean, that's kinda why I love it.

The outside world's all gone.

No noise, no distractions.

It's all gone.

It's all gone.

It's all gone.

Your headache, the pain, the migraine.

"It's all gone."

Yeah, I like it.

Yeah, it's simple, it's straightforward.

Yeah, it's a good place to start.

I guess this place isn't just for kids.

ANNOUNCER: Alright,
astro-boys and girls,

get ready for blast-off!

KATE: Oh my God.
[LAUGHS] Clearly for children.

- RAM: [INAUDIBLE].
- KATE: Is it?

ANNOUNCER:
...two-hundred billion trillion stars.

Pick up, pick up, pick up! Come on!

ALICE: [VOICEMAIL] Hi, this is Alice.

Please leave a message.

f*ck.

Turn off this g*dd*mn...

- [SOUND OF TRUCK IDLING]
- [SIGHS]

f*ck sakes.

Hey, man!

Hey, is there any way
I can squeeze through?

WORKER: No can do. Gonna be another .

You can take Bloor across.

What? That's gonna take forever!

Put on a podcast.

f*cking put on a podcast...

Ugh!

Why does God hate me?!

Jesus f*cking Christ!

Gah!

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!

Alice!

Okay, you're by yourself.
I can work with this.

ALICE: Mom! What are you doing here?

I just, I thought that you...

Wait...

[EERIE MUSIC]

What are you looking at?

Your hair...

cheeks...

sweat beads... Oh...

God, you did it, didn't you?

You m*therf*cker!

You had sex with my daughter?

Wait, Doc, you're her mom?

You're his doctor?

- SEAMUS: She's your daughter?
- ALICE: He's your patient?

No more questions!

Who wants dinner?

Why are you all home?

- Who's this?
- SEAMUS: What the f*ck is that?!

- ANNE: Oh my God!
- ALICE: Oh my God!

LIONEL: Nobody move, nobody move!

- ANNE: Oh my God!
- [LOUD CRASH]

- ANNE: Lionel, get it!
- ALICE: It's getting away!

Okay! I got 'er!

I got 'er. Ha-ha!

Sorry, who are you?

♪