05x13 - Addiction

[bunniefuu]

[ALARM CHIMES]

[CELLPHONE CLICKS]

♪♪

♪ I do what I want, I'm a boss... ♪

♪ Got my own job, no
rules, I'm bad, I'm bad ♪

♪ See you try to get like me ♪

Hey, guys. What's up?

It's Annika, and welcome
to "Wake Up Wednesday,"

sponsored by Girl Glow Beauty.

♪ I'm bad, I'm bad ♪

I'm starting my day
looking rested and refreshed

thanks to their cooling sleep mask.

Be sure to use my
discount code, ANNIKA .

♪ You know that I'm... ♪

♪ Get paid just to tell you how I live ♪

♪ Throw shade, but... ♪

- [CELLPHONE BEEPS]
- All right, guys.

So I always start my day with
their Pearlies toothpaste.

♪ I do what I want, I do what I want ♪

♪ I'm a boss... boss... boss ♪

♪ I'm a boss, I'm a boss ♪

♪ I do what I want, I do what I want ♪

FDA approval pending,
but the results are not.

The smile speaks for itself.

♪ Got my own job, no
rules, I'm bad, I'm bad ♪

♪ See you try to get like me,
make me laugh, make me laugh ♪

Something not everybody knows
about me is that I love coffee.

I get a giant iced latte
with two pumps Cinnamon Dolce,

and always in a reusable cup.

Do you know what single-use
plastic is made out of?

Petroleum, A.K.A. oil,

- A.K.A. w*r in the Middle East.
- MAN: Get out of the bike lane!

- Oh, sh*t, aah!
- Yeah,

- we're going there today.
- [WOMAN SCREAMS]

Oh, and speaking of the Middle East,

you guys have got to try this
new Moroccan oil or your skin.

[FINGERS TAPPING, CELLPHONES VIBRATING]

[NOTIFICATIONS CHIMING,
TAPPING, VIBRATING CONTINUES]

♪♪

Hey, guys.

Going live.

While we wait for a few
more people to go in,

some of you had some questions
about my wake up tutorial

that I posted this morning,

so I figured that I'd just
do a quick Q&A before class.

But first, drop some hearts
if you're feeling my lewk.

Aww, thank you, guys.

I'm feeling the love.

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES, MICROWAVE POPS]

- [NOTIFICATIONS CHIME]
- Okay.

Fire emojis?

I didn't know I was
k*lling it like that.

- Guys.
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]

- Guys!
- [FIRE ALARM BEEPING]

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Get some water.

KIELA: Okay, um...

- Stay back, stay back.
- [SCREAMS]

[FIRE EXTINGUISHER SPRAYS]

Bro, watch out.

- Hold on, hold on, hold on.
- Go, go, go, go!

Okay, guys, stay tuned for some hot tips

on fire safety tomorrow.

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new every day ♪

♪ I don't know, so I'mma feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪
♪ You can tell me ♪

♪ My heart b*ating so loud ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

You think this is salvageable?

Okay.

[CELLPHONES VIBRATING, FINGERS
TAPPING, NOTIFICATIONS CHIMING]

♪♪

Guys, are we addicted to our phones?

What?

Bro, no. We're good.

Um, hey, guys.

Can I get a selfie?

You're American heroes.

- [CELLPHONE CAMERA CLICKS]
- See?

This is exactly what I'm talking about.

Bro, it's all Gucci.

No one got hurt.

Who knew you couldn't microwave foil?

Literally everyone.

Yeah, and because you
weren't paying attention,

you almost sent us
all to our fiery grave.

Grave, that's it!

Wordle in .

Yeah, we need to take
a break from our phones.

Dude, you're more obsessed
with your phone than any of us.

You tried to use Apple Pay
to give a homeless guy change.

Mm.

- Okay, "obsessed" is a strong word.
- Okay.

But I do think a digital detox
would do us all some good.

Pass. Phones aren't
some unnecessary evil.

They're just a part of life now.

Would you detox from
clean water or antibiotics?

It's a little different.

Yeah, and some of us
are using our phones

to get into good trouble,

like, the, um, three online
petitions I just signed.

Sure, but I feel like a
lot of us are using them

for no good reason at all.

Um, I pretty much only use
my phone to text Yazmine

while she's away with the swim team.

Really? What's your most-used app?

Panera Rewards?

Hmm.

My name is Zaara Ali, and I'm an addict.

Exactly. And I feel like most of us

spend the bulk of our waking hours

on fantasy football apps
and getting the Wordle.

Uh, it's not always the Wordle.

Sometimes it's Quordle
or Heardle or Framed or...

Yeah, we need to take a break.

All right.

How about we make a bet?

See who can go the longest
without all this sh*t?

$ buy-in, battle royale,
last man standing... or woman.

Who's with me?

[SIGHS] I'm in.

Me too.

If Angela Davis didn't need
a smartphone, neither do I.

♪♪

[CLEARS THROAT] Annika?

Junior?

Uh, I don't have a problem.

Spoken like a true addict.

[SCOFFS] Okay, screw it.

♪♪

[ALL SIGH]

Hmm.

♪♪

[NOTIFICATION CHIMES]

Oh, sorry.

I forgot I'm on RA duty. [CHUCKLES]

[FINGERS TAPPING]

Oh, wait, does... does this count?

You bet your ass, bucko.

Okay, you know what?

You better watch it,
because you're gonna need me

when you don't know what time it is.

So, we're all set for your speech

at the Color In Tech
conference next month.

Oh, but we still need to
lock down a third panelist

for the Diversity in
Virtual Reality panel.

Mm.

What about, um, Ibram X. Kendi?

Oh, see, I've reached out to him before.

He's a tough get.

Well, he's gonna be at Ava
DuVernay's premiere party

for her new doc tomorrow.

- Okay.
- I've got a plus one,

so maybe we can go together
and see if he can't be convinced

after a few glasses of champagne.

- Great, yeah. It's a date.
- [CHUCKLES]

I mean, obviously, it's not a date.

I've got a boyfriend.

Yeah, no. I got a girlfriend, so.

- Um.
- Yeah.

We can just be two people
in committed relationships

fighting for social justice...

at a party where I hope
to get a selfie with Adele

and Rich Paul.

Oh, so that's what it's all about, huh?

Well, yeah, you just never know

when she's going on tour again.

♪♪

♪ Yo ♪

♪ You should take a selfie ♪

♪♪

♪ You should take a selfie ♪

So, with the help of
th-century dumb technology

like alarm clocks, maps, and newspapers,

I was able to last the
whole day without my phone.

♪ You should get a selfie stick ♪

Ooh, wonder if the
others can say the same.

♪♪

So you just lay there and don't move?

Yeah. It's called "soaking."

Huh.

You sure know a lot of ways
to have sex without having sex.

- Thank you.
- JUNIOR: What's up, guys?

- How we doing over here?
- Hey.

Anybody ready to sell their
firstborn for a Candy Crush fix?

No, it's... it's actually
not going too bad.

I mean, we're learning
a lot about each other.

I had no idea that Lauryn knows so much

- about technical virginity.
- Oh.

She's like a religious Urban Dictionary.

I am.

So you guys aren't having any issues?

No. We're doing fine.

But, uh, this line of questioning

leads me to believe you
might be struggling, Junior.

- Who, me?
- Uh-huh.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

- I'm good. I'm good.
- You sure?

'Cause I caught a glimpse of the news,

and this guy with a perm said
that the Dow was dropping.

It is?

Yeah.

Cool! Cool, cool, cool, cool.

That's... No, that's totally fine.

This is, uh, something
I'm mentally, emotionally,

and financially prepared for.

- Will you excuse me?
- Mm-hmm.

Not doing good.

Speaking of people struggling...

How you holding up, honey?

What do you mean? I'm good.

Wow.

I thought you would cr*ck first.

Why?

Um, 'cause you can't do anything
without being on your phone.

I mean, at our last movie night,

you were double screening so hard,

you asked which one was "the Batman."

Wow. Typical man.

Can't believe a woman
can multi-task, huh?

Oh, come on.

You gotta admit, the phone is
a big part of your personality.

I mean, I can't even
imagine you without it.

Exactly, like Batman without Robin.

She's not gonna get that one.

I am more than the devices I use.

You know that, right?

- Yeah. Sure.
- Yes. Yes.

Oh, my God! You don't.

- You think I'm basic.
- Basic?

- No, no, no. Not... Not...
- No. No. No. No, we... No.

- Not at all.
- I am not basic,

and I hope that when you
guys pick up your phones,

they both have cracked screens.

She's definitely gonna
post a story about us.

Oh, for sure.

Hey, Professor Jackson.

I was just heading to your office hours.

I had a question.

Well, I'm, um, happy to
see you finally decided

to engage in my material.

sh**t.

Do you think I'm basic?

Okay. You know this is not what
office hours are for, right?

Don't you have friends or someone

you can talk to about this?

Who do think called me basic?

Okay, well, look, I-I can tell you

that it doesn't matter
what people think,

but I know enough to
know that doesn't work.

Plus, it's a slippery slope

to wearing Jesus sandals with socks,

telling dad jokes, invading Iraq.

You know this isn't one
of your lectures, right?

You don't have to take three
hours to get to the point.

Okay, one, that hurt my feelings.

Two, college is an opportunity for you

to expand your horizons,
get out of your comfort zone.

All I'm saying is, there's a lot
of stuff to do here, you know?

L-Look.

Young Republicans Club.

[SNAPS FINGERS] Let's not do that.

We don't need another Candace Owens.

Film Society.

They're showing "Rashomon"
today. "Rashomon."

Now... Now, would a basic person
watch a movie with subtitles?

Okay, I'll give it a try.

Okay, awesome. There you go.

Good for you.

- Ganbatte.
- What?

Yes, that's Japanese for "good luck."

I, uh, watch a lot of anime, so bas...

Yeah, you're starting to lose

a lot of credibility with me, Professor.

♪♪

And that man my Pop Pop
got into a fistfight with?

James Brown.

The football guy or
the Godfather of Soul?

I'm not sure. The one
who slept with my grandma.

- 'Sup, goofballs?
- [FINGERS TAPPING, CASH REGISTER NOTIFICATION DINGS]

You caved?

This stupid contest was your idea.

I mean, I had no choice.

ANALYST: And if you want to invest
in pork futures, now's the time.

♪♪

- [BRAIN SCANNING]
- [CELLPHONE UNLOCKS]

♪♪

[BUTTONS CHIRP]

[CASH REGISTER
NOTIFICATION DINGS, FANFARE]

[DREAMILY] Oh, yeah.

[FINGERS TAPPING, CASH
REGISTER NOTIFICATION DINGS]

[CLEARING THROAT] Ahem. Ahem.

Oh, it turns out it was just
the anniversary of swine flu.

I'm actually up three bucks a share.

Wow. You couldn't go
phoneless for one day?

Smell that, guys?

Smells like bitch in here.

Look, my investments are worth way more

than some college bet over pizza money.

- Besides...
- Shame!

Ha ha. Very cute.

- Shame!
- All right.

ALL: [CHANTING] Shame!
Shame! Shame! Shame!

- You know what?
- Shame!

No, I don't need any of this, all right?

I'm gonna go argue
about crypto on Discord

like the good Lord intended.

You guys enjoy living in the ' s.

Oh, and if you need something
to entertain yourselves,

I think Target still sells Bop-Its!

♪♪

I'm not surprised Junior is so weak.

The other day, he got
caught in his fitted sheet.

I hate when that happens.

Not fun.

♪♪

Wait, wait. What the hell?

We have to get the group
back on their phones.

Ugh, I know. The text thread is so dead.

No one is responding to any of my memes.

I did! Yeah, exactly.

See, why are we being punished
when they have the problem?

Right?! Neither one of us
is on our phones right now.

Like, if they had an emergency,

they wouldn't just, I don't know,

hop on their precious devices?

Bunch of sheep.

[CHUCKLES]

You want to wake sh*t up?

I do.

Call me the alarm clock.

No. No. Just follow my lead.

- Beep beep, mother...
- No!

[AARON CHUCKLES]

- Mm, thank God. Real food.
- Yeah.

Those canapés from Ms.
DuVernay were not cutting it.

Yo, I went to get a
second piece of shrimp,

and the waitress slapped my hand away.

- Mm! [LAUGHS]
- I'm starving, man.

[CELLPHONE CHIMES, VIBRATES]

- Oh, my God.
- What?

Kendi already responded to my e-mail.

And?

Sounds like he's in for the panel.

- Let's go!
- That's what... Sorry.

That's what I'm talking about.

You know, I knew you
had him when you told him

that the panel would
be broadcast for free

to at-risk youth who
are interested in tech.

That was a genius idea.

- Very clutch.
- Yeah, yeah.

But when you started riffing with him

about the connection
between anti-r*cist education

and the VR frontier, I
mean, his eyes lit up.

I do what I can, but it takes two.

[CHUCKLES] Dream team, baby.

Yep.

♪♪

Whew! Excuse me, do you mind?

Can we get the check when
you get a chance, please?

It's actually already covered.

Um, that couple over
there insisted on paying.

They said that you remind
them of their younger days.

Oh.

Oh.

I mean, if I had known they were paying,

I would have at least ordered a burger

for my boyfriend too, you know?

- [CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY] Yeah.
- You know?

- They're so sweet.
- Yeah.

BRAD: It's just the blueprint for

so many films that came after it...

the use of multiple perspectives.

KAITLYN: The concept of
an unreliable narrator.

[SIGHS] Sublime.

And I know it's clichéd at
this point, but I have to say it.

Kurosawa's my favorite
Japanese director.

Ahead of Ozu?

And Miyazaki?

- Yeah.
- I don't know what to say.

Neither do I.

What'd you think of the film, Annika?

♪♪

I liked it?

Okay. Cool.

♪♪

Careful.

You know that the coach
doesn't whisper in your ear

in the middle of a play, right?

- Whoa, careful.
- Aw.

Don't be big grumpy.

You should be proud of yourself.

You're lasting in this
competition far longer

- than any of us expected you to.
- Yeah.

Because I'm a basic bitch, right?

Who doesn't get down with
post-w*r Japanese cinema.

What, like "Rashomon"?

Oh, my God, I love "Rashomon."

Great, so even CTE and Country Bumpkin

can hang with the Film Society.

You guys are so deep,

and I'm just swimming
in the shallow end.

You know what? I'm not
gonna fight it anymore.

This basic bitch is taking her phone

and going to watch "La
La Land." I'm over it.

Hey, guys. So, I'm officially
back from my digital detox,

- and, wow, do I...
- [DOOR SLAMS]

♪♪

- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Yeah?

Hey, friendo.

Caught the tail end of that Live.

Uh, how's it being
reunited with your phone?

Well, "Digital Detox
Challenge" is trending,

but I don't think I'll be going back

to dumb movie club anytime soon.

Yeah. I don't even know why
you joined the Film Society.

It dos not seem like your vibe at all.

It's not.

I just wanted to do something

that people didn't
think was superficial.

- Why?
- Duh.

Because I'm basic, Junior.

[SCOFFS] No, you're not.

Well, you're the only one who thinks so.

I'm starting to believe it myself.

Annika, you're not basic.

Sure, you're online a lot,

which people may mix up
with being superficial,

but basic people are so insecure
that they just follow the crowd.

You started your own following
off of just being yourself.

You don't follow trends. You set them.

Maybe you're right.

I mean, I was the first
to make Santal a thing.

All right, let's not go too crazy.

Your favorite food is
still ketchup and eggs.

[CHUCKLES] Say less.

But let's just say I wouldn't be friends

with someone who's basic.

Unrelatedly, I gotta go.

Maroon just dropped an album,
and I have been dying to listen.

♪♪

And I'm basic?

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

♪♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTER
ON TELEVISION]

Wow, staying up to make sure I came home

without getting into any trouble, huh?

Man, I am chilling.

I ain't worried about you. I trust you.

Well, you shouldn't,
because I just came back

from a date with a woman
who is not my girlfriend.

Yeah.

Guess I'm done with that.

All right. Buddy, hey.

- Yeah?
- What's going on, man?

I thought everything was
above board for you and Symone.

I thought so, too,
but this premiere party

felt a lot like a date.

- Okay.
- We dressed up, clearly.

- We shared a car.
- What?

I put my hand on her back.

We were doing the step and repeat thing.

Wait.

Lower back? Shoulder blade?

Would I be coming to you if I put
my hand on her shoulder blade, man?

- It was the lower back.
- Right.

Right on the crevice.

Boy, you better hope Zoey
stays off Getty Images.

This was not supposed to happen. We
both kept things strictly professional.

I never even thought
about her like that,

and now I'm the guy who went
on a date with another woman.

- Okay, okay.
- Do I have to tell Zoey?

I have to tell Zoey. Do I tell Zoey?

I don't want to tell
Zoey, 'cause I'm scared.

Okay, but did anything happen-happen?

- No. But it could have.
- No.

So now I gotta do everything in my power

to make sure that that doesn't happen.

I've gotta be the male
equivalent of whatever a nun is.

What are their names? The guys.

Male equivalents of nuns.

Don't worry about it. I just
gotta be good, all right?

- I'm breaking it off.
- Wait, wait, no, no.

But what about those
fat Metaverse paychecks?

I can't go back to taking cold showers.

That sh*t changed me.

That's not as important as
my relationship with Zoey.

I'm sorry, okay? Sorry.

I'm not gonna risk an entanglement,

- because I won't survive a Red Table Talk.
- Right.

Nobody has!

Look it up!

♪♪

ZAARA: Junior, I said leave.

[SIGHS]

Perhaps selfishly,

I ended the competition
a little bit early.

It had run its course,
and I could not listen to

Lauryn explain jump-humping again.

Zeke, my boy.

Congratulations. Here's your phone back.

- So I won?
- Uh, not quite.

You actually tied with Lauryn and Zaara.

So I won the men's division.

Wait, where is Zaara?

I gave her her phone back,

and then she kicked me out of our room.

Something about her having a
lot of nudes to reciprocate.

- I don't know.
- Oof.

Sounds like you're gonna
be homeless for a while.

Oh, Lauryn, uh, don't
want you to freak out,

but your phone wasn't in here.

Yeah, Kiela got me to break a while ago.

First word, first word.

[CHUCKLES] Let's try "fluff."

What a waste. Give me that.

Mm-hmm. Welcome to the loser's table.

Wait, you had your
phone this whole time?

How come you've still been
boring yourself to death

hanging out with us?

Because it was nice to do it together.

Aww, that's so sweet.

What children's book did
you fall out of, again?

Wow, I guess we all really
did learn a little something

from my silly little challenge.

That you've projected your
phone addiction onto all of us?

That you're the worst
competitor in the men's division?

That you're not secure enough
to try new things on your own

due to a deep psychological
fear of abandonment?

Oh, or that you...

Okay, that is enough
learning. Thank you.

What do you say I Postmate us all

a celebratory Chinese feast?

- Ooh.
- Yes.

- Yes.
- LAURYN: Very good.

I'll just take three
orders of fried rice.

Got leftovers in the fridge.

Got you, bro.

♪♪

- JUNIOR: On the surface...
- [CELLPHONES CHIMING]

... it might look
like the competition

was a major fail,

but it succeeded in
bringing us closer together.

In life, it's easy to get distracted,

with or without technology.

Phones are just an extension
of who we already are,

for better or worse.

- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
- Oh. Oh! Again?

- Oh, my gosh!
- Oh!

- KIELA: Oh, my God.
- [FIRE ALARM BEEPING]

Hey, guys. So, um, quick poll.

Is Zeke a complete idiot, or
is Kiela the worst RA ever?

[FIRE EXTINGUISHER SPRAYS,
INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

Weigh in below.

Oh!

[VIDEO CHAT CHIMES]

- SYMONE: Hey.
- Hey.

Everything okay? What couldn't
wait till I was in town next week?

No, everything is not okay,

and I think you can sense it.

Wait, did Ava find out that

you took that extra goodie
bag? I told you not to.

Yeah, see, that's
what I'm talking about.

It's... It's the little jokes,

the senile lovebirds
who paid for our burgers.

It's the reckless emojis
we send to each other.

I just... I don't think either
of us want to go down this road.

What are you talking about?

It's not your fault.

It's me, honestly.

It's biology.

I didn't ask for this
power, it was given to me.

And, uh, I've actually had
scientists come up to me

and ask to study my pheromones.

And with great power
comes great responsibility,

so I'm going to do what I know
you don't have the strength to.

What? Are you serious?

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Please.

No more words.

You'll only make it hurt worse.

It's been a pleasure working with you.

Goodbye.

Wait...

Who was that, babe?

Um, a very confused co-worker.

Well, former co-worker.

♪♪