06x12 - A Baby Shower and a Testosterone-Rich Banter

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Young Sheldon...

(chuckles) Well, I will
watch this and let you know.

She was totally hitting on you.

All she did was rent a movie.

Yeah, and then she laughed
and she touched your arm.

- That's textbook flirting.
- I wasn't trying to.

All I'm saying is you're not tied down.

I'm getting parenting
advice from a woman

whose -year-old son
got my daughter pregnant.

Grow up, call your
daughter, and make it right.

Now.

- Well, I need...
- I said now.

I was gonna say

I need the phone number.

Do you have a pen?

ADULT SHELDON: Every culture has
its own traditions to celebrate

important life events:

bar mitzvahs,

quinceañeras,

baby's first Comic-Con.

My favorites are
funeral and baby shower.

They're the only two
thrown in your honor

you're not expected to attend.

(whispers): Love it.

Oh, and after we do gifts,

we could take pictures
holding Mandy's belly.

(scoffs) No.

Okay.

Here's one.

We can fill baby bottles with juice

and see who can drink it the fastest.

- Don't go drinking out of my bottle.
- Why?

'Cause it ain't gonna be juice.

When is this thing anyways?

Sunday.

Oh, sh**t.

I got a date with
Amber. I got to cancel.

You ain't invited.

But I'm the dad.

No boys allowed.
Southern Living says so.

- Who is Amber?
- A girl I'm seeing.

Does Mandy know?

- Know what?
- Oh, nothing.

It was actually her idea.

What, Amber? Oh, yeah, I know.

- She's divorced.
- What?

Don't worry, she ain't old.

It's just she got married too young.

Okay. Uh...

So, Mandy,

have you given any thought

to which friends or
family you want to invite?

Well, given the circumstances,

I'm thinking maybe we keep it small.

'Cause your friends
don't know about this?

They don't know about
this. They don't know about that.

They don't know about any of it.

Can I invite your mom?

Um...

That's a no.

Well... (sighs) we
would love to have her,

but it's totally up to you.

(sighs)

Fine.

Great.

Is it great?

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

Oh, I thought of another
game we could play.

- First, you melt chocolate in a diaper...
- Keep thinking.

We're coming up with games to play?

Because I have a good one:
intelligent animal technology.

For example, if rhinoceroses

were intelligent, how would they type?

This is for Mandy's baby shower.

Oh. I don't want to go to that.

(chuckles) Thankfully,
it's for ladies only.

Yeah, even if you're the father.

Why do you want to go?

Well, I'm gonna be at the
birth, but I can't go to the party?

How do you know she
wants you at the birth?

Who's gonna catch the baby?

GEORGE SR.: You
may not want to be there.

It's a rough one.

George.

Oh, you're right, dear.

It's a beautiful event
which I will never forget.

Wait, you said it was beautiful

and then made a face
to imply that it wasn't.

So, which is it?

Oh, my God, Sheldon, it's disgusting.

He could've just said that.

Pretty good game Sunday,

- if you want to watch with me instead.
- All right.

You should invite Mandy's
dad and brother to join you.

It might be awkward.
Don't really know them.

That's how you get to know them.

Yeah, yeah.

Wait, I don't have
to watch football, do I?

- No.
- Please don't.

Sweet.

Hi, Jim.

Hey, Mary. Good to see you.

You looking for some tires?

Actually, I'm looking for your wife.

Oh.

You're not gonna
yell at her again, are you?

No, no.

Okay, you sure about that?

'Cause I wouldn't mind seeing it.

(sighs) I just wanted
to drop off an invitation

to Mandy's baby shower.

Oh. Well, that's-that's real kind of you.

And George is hoping
that you'll come over

and watch the game with him and Georgie.

Huh. Well, that sounds like fun.

And your son is welcome, too.

All right, well, you
know, Connor ain't all that much

into football or baseball. (chuckles)

Or, sh**t, anything with a ball, really.

Well, if you do come,

I know that George is making brisket.

Brisket and football? (chuckles)

Well, you drive a
hard bargain. (chuckling)

Hello, Mary.

Hi.

All right, well,
I'm gonna go help, uh...

somebody.

I want to apologize

for getting off on
the wrong foot last time.

Oh. You mean when you
called me a terrible mother?

The important thing is you
and Mandy are talking again.

Mm-hmm.

Anyway, I just wanted to drop off

this invitation to her, uh, baby shower.

Thank you for including me.

Of course.

(sighs)

You'd think her own mother would know

she was having a girl.

Well, Georgie wants it to be a surprise,

so she's barely told anyone.

She told you.

Barely.

Um...

you know what'd be great is

if you could come and help us plan it.

I'd like that. Thank you very much.

Then it's settled.

All right, please, uh, say
goodbye to your husband.

Well, you can tell him yourself.

He's hiding behind that stack of tires.

Bye. (chuckles)

- (knock on door)
- It's open.

- Hello.
- (groans)

I was wondering

if I could have access
to the lab on Sunday.

- I'm not here on Sunday.
- Where will you be?

If I tell you that, you might go there.

Well, I told you where I'll be: the lab.

How about this? Here's the key. Go nuts.

But I'm a minor. I
require adult supervision.

I won't tell anyone.

I will. I'm quite the tattler.

Then you'll have to wait till Monday.

But I'm trying to get out
of the house on Sunday.

- Why?
- The father and the brother of the woman

my brother impregnated are
coming over to watch sports

with my brother and my father.

So you're trying to avoid
a male bonding experience?

At all cost.

You know, son, as scientists,

we're often teamed with
people that we don't know.

The ability to bond
and build relationships,

that's-that's an essential skill.

So you're suggesting
I use this gathering

as an opportunity to
better those skills?

Exactly.

Very well. I'll give it a go.

- Great.
- Would you like to join us?

- I can't.
- Why? Where will you be?

So, I was thinking we could
do something sweet and simple,

like a garden party.

Oh, that sounds good.

I know Mandy doesn't
like to make a big fuss.

Since when?

That girl has always wanted
to be the center of attention.

Oh, well, I guess you
would know. (chuckles)

And garden party sounds lovely,

but maybe we could do
something a little more fun.

Like princess

or "around the world"...
You know, all the places

she was gonna go, but now she can't

'cause she ruined her life.

I like princess.

Oh, great. I know this wonderful bakery

that makes a cake that looks
just like a fairy-tale castle.

I was gonna make my
German chocolate cake.

She's having a girl, not
starting World w*r II.

Castle cake it is.

Yay.

Hello.

Ugh, nerd movies are over there.

No, I need to bond with
Mandy's father and brother,

so I'm looking for
movies they might've seen,

so that we can engage in
some testosterone-rich banter.

Okay, I can help you.

A lot of dudes have been renting this.

"Bingo.

He's every family's best friend."

Are you tricking me?

No.

Glad I asked. Ring me up.

That was fun. Thanks.

That was fun. Thanks.

(chuckles) Are we still on for Sunday?

(sighs) Sorry, can't.
Mandy's having a baby shower.

You're going to that?

No, but I promised I'd hang out
with her dad and brother, so...

Is it weird to talk about this stuff?

Would it be weird if I
talked about my ex-husband?

Depends. What would you say?

(sighs) I don't know.

Maybe that he's six-four,
weighs about pounds,

got a short fuse.

Yeah, I don't want to hear that.

Well, I'm fine if you want
to talk about your situation.

Oh, great, 'cause I need some advice.

So, should I get Mandy a present?

You mean, like a baby gift?

Or for her. You know, like,
"Thanks for making the effort"?

(scoffs) I don't think I
would engrave that on anything,

but... could be sweet.

Cool.

You were just playing about
your ex being that big, right?

But the divorce was a mutual
thing? He wanted it, too?

- He ain't in there, is he?
- (laughs)

Hey.

I hate that woman.

Your mother? Eh, she
ain't gonna live forever.

Mandy's mom.

Oh. Yeah, that one we're
stuck with for a while.

I extended an olive branch

to make her feel part
of the baby shower,

and then she just took
over the whole dang thing.

All right, I'll run
her over with my truck.

I'm not ready to laugh yet, George.

When you are ready to laugh,

I have got the movie for you.

Bingo. It's for men,

but I think you'll get it.

(barking)

Anybody home?

Hey.

What's with all the pink?

Uh, it's 'cause...

it's my party, and I'm a girl.

Makes sense.

So, uh, what are you doing here?

You know you're not invited
to the shower, right?

I know. It's just,
everybody's bringing presents

for the baby today, so I
wanted to bring one for you.

Georgie, thank you.

Open it.

Okay.

Sorry for the Christmas
paper. That's all we had.

It's beautiful.

Look inside.

What am I looking at here?

It's the sonogram of our little girl.

I'm not an idiot. (chuckles)

(sighs)

That is the sweetest
thing I've ever seen.

I-I... I love it.

Good. It was actually Amber's idea.

Oh.

Well, that's very thoughtful. Thank you.

And thank her.

I will.

All right, well, I'll let you get back

- to your party.
- Okay.

You look great, by the way.

(sighs)

(door closes)

(knock on door)

Hey, Jim.

Good to see you again. Hey, come on in.

Yeah. Thanks for having
us. This here is Connor.

- Hey, Connor. Good to see you.
- Hey.

Good to see you again, Mr. McAllister.

Georgie.

Oh, you got some paint on you.

Been doing some work around the house?

(stifled chuckle) No.

I'm a painter.

Yeah, yeah, he's always in his room

painting stuff, until you
ask him to paint the garage.

(both laugh)

You're hilarious.

All right, sorry. Uh... (clears throat)

- He's an artist.
- Cool.

Like, the, uh... the guy on
TV that paints the clouds.

Uh, my stuff is a little
more, uh, abstract.

Oh, sure.

That means it doesn't look like stuff.

(chuckles) I hope
you're a starving artist

'cause I got a brisket

on the smoker out there
with your name on it.

Connor, uh, is also, uh,

a-a vegetarian.

(stammers) No problem.

We got beans. That's a vegetable.

Right? (chuckles) Come on.

This cake is amazing.

To look at, sure.

I prefer cakes for eating.

What's your problem?

What's your problem?

So, Audrey, is this your first grandkid?

Yep.

You must be excited.

Sure.

Can't say I'm thrilled with
the circumstances, but...

Amanda's always done things her way.

I have a lot of grandkids.

At some point, you just stop
caring how they got here.

- I'm gonna get some punch.
- It's nonalcoholic.

Oh.

You coming down?

In a sec.

You're not missing much.
It's real awkward down there.

(chuckles)

Something wrong?

No.

Is it your mom?

'Cause something's
definitely wrong with mine.

No, she's fine.

Well, she's a nightmare,
but, uh, that's not it.

Pretty.

Yeah, Georgie got it for me.

There's a sonogram of our baby inside.

Good for Georgie.

Yeah.

Good for Georgie.

I got to tell you,

I think the Cowboys are gonna
take it all the way this year.

Not really into football.

Seriously?

That's cool. You like cars?

Not really.

Music?

Yeah.

Great. Who do you like?

The Smiths.

I don't know them.

g*ns N' Roses?

(scoffs) Corporate rock sellouts.

Yeah, well, sellouts who kick ass, so...

Hello.

Sheldon, this is
Mandy's brother, Connor.

Are you watching the game?
Because I heard the Cowboys are

going to go all the way this year.

It's okay. He don't
watch football either.

Great. I learned who Troy
Aikman is for nothing.

GEORGE SR.: So, Connor
seems like a good kid.

Oh, yeah, yeah, he's a good kid.

From another planet.

Oh, I got one of those.

Georgie's little brother.

Is he a -year-old art school graduate

with no prospects of ever
holding down a real job?

(chuckles) Actually,
he's a science genius

who started college when he was .

- Let's just talk about the brisket.
- Mm.

All right, Missy, you're first.

How much do you think
the baby's gonna weigh?

Uh, I'm gonna say...

Hmm.

pounds.

- (laughs)
- Ooh, ouch.

- Too much?
- Too much.

But then again, Georgie was a big'un.

How big?

Almost ten pounds.

Ten pounds?

She walked like a cowboy for months.

(laughs)

Both my children were normal weight.

Well, good job.

MEEMAW: My turn.

Mm-kay, the belly
button's still got a little give.

So, I'm gonna say...

a quick and easy six pounds, two ounces

gonna slide right out of there.

- (chuckling)
- (sighs) I love you.

So, Connor, what was
your sister like as a kid?

Um... we really didn't get along.

- Mm.
- Yeah, she was older

and loved picking on me.

The same thing with me and Georgie.

Once, she replaced my toothpaste
with a tube of hemorrhoid cream.

(laughs)

Remember when I used to sit on your head

when you'd watch Star Trek?

I do.

Guess what I did when
they'd fire their phasers.

You don't need to say it.

I farted.

(George Jr. laughs)

Hilarious.

MANDY: Okay.

(gasps) Oh, a nursing bra.

"Includes removable
pads to prevent leakage."

Wow.

Thanks. That's... really thoughtful.

Mine dripped like a faucet.

- Wait, I have a question.
- Please ask it later.

All right, next present.

Okay.

That one's from me.

- (whispers): What leaks? The boob?
- Later.

(chuckles) What's this?

We set up a nursery in the guest room.

You can move back in.

Can we not talk about this now?

What's the problem?
You're gonna need help.

Who do you think's been
helping her this whole time?

And I appreciate it, but
you're not her family.

We're that baby's family.

Georgie's right across the street.

Oh, yes, I'm sure a teenage
boy is gonna be a lot of help.

(laughs)

You don't know what
you're talking about.

Georgie has been there
for me the whole time,

and you come in at the last minute

with a store-bought castle cake,

and-and you think that's
gonna make up for everything?

Okay, I can see you're
a little emotional.

Yeah, I am a little emotional right now,

and you being here isn't helping.

You do not get to bad-mouth Georgie.

He's gonna be a better
parent than you ever were.

Damn.

Now, if someone would help me
up, I would like to storm out.

Thank you.

So, who wants cake?

MAN: Bingo, it's a subpoena.

How's a dog supposed to read a subpoena?

Look how gritty this is.

Frank Miller really brought
a whole new aesthetic

to comic books.

Hmm. I've never really
thought of it that way.

ADULT SHELDON: I was
doing it. I was bonding.

Now, would you please
put it back in the bag?

Oh. Sure.

ADULT SHELDON: And I was great at it.

(laughs) hours of smoke and love.

Trying not to drool.

Jim, Connor, we're leaving!

- All right, hon, but the brisket...
- AUDREY: Now!

I'll make you a doggy bag.

AUDREY: Jim.

Poor bastard.

(sighs)

Hey.

I didn't know you were here.

Just checking out the loot.

This is amazing. Why
don't all bras do this?

Take that off.

Well, that's what's
great: you don't have to.

Look at this.

The father of my child.

Ooh, nipple cream.

Maybe I should've went to this party.

Sounds fun.