Sex with a Smile (1976)

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Sex with a Smile (1976)

Post by bunniefuu »

104 DEGREES BENEATH THE SHEETS
[aka SEX WITH A SMILE]

THE MARE

Good morning, counselor!
Good morning, madam!

Good morning.

- She's so beautiful ...
- Good morning.

Hey guys, the mare is coming ... !
Come on! Come on!

- Just look how she moves ...
- She has a marvelous ass!

- You're not going to look at the mare?
- I don't care for such rough talk. Understand?

I find that kind of talk makes me horny.

Hey! I want you in my bed!

One time I saw her skating, boys.
The way she moved that ass ... !

- Would you like to skate with me?
- With pleasure, we can perform some figures.

Bravo, Marelli! Very good!!

Don't be shy, you can hold me!

One, two... that's the rhythm.
You want to try it?

I think I've got the feel of it now.

She moves like a butterfly!

Don't you think we make
an attractive and stylish couple?

Bravo, Marelli!

Again! Over here...

- Would you like to skate on into town?
- Of course!

Perhaps you'd like to come to
my place for a glass of Rossoglio?

Oh, you crazy fool!

- I'd better hold on to something...
- Me too ...

- Be careful not to stumble!
- I'm holding on ...

I don't know if I can
wait until we get to my home.

I'm not used to excitement of the flesh.
There's a strong chance I won't be able to hold out.

- Let's get to your apartment ...
- It's getting big ...

- I understand... let's hurry!
- It's really big now ...

What are you doing?

- That's phenominal...
- What are you doing? Are you crazy?

- What are you doing?
- I'm emphasizing ... emphasizing!

You have naively fallen into my trap.

I'm burning with desire
to get into your hidden places ...

- You don't intend to abuse me ... !?
- Yes, I intend to abuse you very much ...

But why? Why?

This will be my greatest abuse ever ...
Stay right there. Don't move!

- The look on your face doesn't bode well for me.
- You're so right ...

What are you doing? If you're a gentleman,
you won't continue. It will turn out badly for you.

- You see?
- I see! Now shut up!

- You're a monster!
- Yes!

I'll hang up if you continue ...

Excuse me, ma'am, but that's the dream I
had about you. Can't I finish telling you about it?

Okay... if you can promise me it's a clean dream.

I would censor my dreams if I could ...

You can do what you want, but I forbid you
from putting me in the middle of your delusions.

I'm sorry, my lady, but you WERE in the
middle, while I was on top and underneath.

- You had a face on the front and the back...
- You must be crazy!

Why don't you tell me who you are?
Why hide behind anonymity?

You're a stinking little coward!
A coward!

No! I'm not a coward, I'm the victim here.
Don't you understand?

You're the one who led me on,
fueled my desire and then left me troubled.

You're the one who haunts my dreams,
dreams that end in a violent manner.

Ever since you arrived in
this town, God forgive me, but ...

... I've r*ped you many, many times.

Why not leave me in peace, so you can recover.
You should know that my husband is a man who will...

Ma'am, allow me to tell you these things ...

... to cleanse myself,
I need to share these carnal dreams ...

... which t*rture me and
leave me feeling like a limp rag.

- Well, I don't know how to help you.
- I feel better already.

- Until tomorrow...
- I feel sick to my stomach, are you satisfied now?

- Really? Yet you take part ...
- How do I participate?

Yes, I mean that you understand that you have
a problem. Where are those glasses?

- What glasses?
- I'm sorry... If possible, I'd like to discuss this tommorow.

Hello?

Hello?

- There she is!
- Here comes the mare!

Come to my bedroom...
You're so beautiful, so beautiful!

Climb in, beautiful!
Get in the car!

Take your time... I'll wait!

She's undressing! She's undressing!

- Go on ...
- Lay an egg!

- Hurry up, Peppino!
- Didn't you know that the mare was ...

- I don't care for that kind of rough talk.
- All right then, let's get this done!

- Your drink, my boy!
- Thank you!

- Hello!
- Then you were expecting my call ...

- You've forgiven me?
- I wouldn't say that I was expecting you ...

You know what will
happen when I'm sick of this.

It's easy for you to
pass yourself off as being ill.

I know at 5:00 I'll be on the phone, and
by 5:30 I'll be a free woman once again.

When I get tired of being held c*ptive,
I will ask my husband to intervene.

- And you... you will go to jail.
- But you're the one who has provoked me.

For example, today you walked
down the street dressed in tight clothing.

Everyone ripped your clothes off with their eyes.

But I remained firm.
Yes... firm. You understand?

- How firm?
- Very firm, extremely firm ... !

I forced myself to look elsewhere.
If I keep dreaming about you so ardently ...

... I'm afraid I will ...
... I will lose my mind. Do you understand?

- What do you mean?
- I won't be able to control my inhibitions ...

- I may end up taking you on the street ...
- Are you trying to scare me?

- Is this a thr*at?
- On the contrary! On the contrary!

To avoid any risk, if you want
to go for an evening walk by yourself ...

... that won't leave me sweating, I
recommend you avoid Circumvallazione Street!

- Excuse me, but how old are you?
- I'll be 40 on November 2nd.

- Are you married?
- Who, me?

- Are you, perhaps, afraid of women?
- I'm afraid of the depravity in this world ...

... the materialism and governmental injustice.

I may have accused you of these things in
a dream. May I can tell you about my dream?

Sure, tell me all the details.

We were in some kind of courtroom.

You were behind bars.
I was one of your escorting guards.

Silence in the Courtroom!

The defendant will rise!

On behalf of the Italian people, according to
Articles 411 and 719 of the Criminal Procedure Code ...

... and the following paragraphs: 4, 7, 9, 12 ...

... of Articles 519, 520 of the Penal Code.

According to the
specifications of Articles 488 and 434 ...

... which refer to obscene acts,
perversion, exposure of the anatomy ...

... acts that cause excitement and confusion.
That incite outrage and resistance against ...

... the forces of order and
challenge their ability to act.

Promote resistance to public order.
Stimulate inappropriate acts by the unwary.

Engage in acts of carnal
pleasure, even against nature.

Attempted coup and incitement to raise ...

... a conspiracy involving rough sex.
Acts involving sexual desire in a public place.

Corruption of minors, and
aggrevated display of unbridled pleasure.

According to Articles
416, 417, 418 of the Penal Code ...

Articles 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 15, 32, 43
and Articles 719, 811 ...

813, and 10.423,
I hereby sentence the defendant...

- All rise!
- All rise!

The defendant will rise!

Very soon, your excellency.

The defendant Emilia Chiaponni, alias:
"The Dildo" and "The Mare" ...

... is sentenced to 102 years
imprisonment, plus 15 years probation.

With no chance for parole.

I had to put on the brakes,
still trembling with passion ...

Put on the brakes?
You need a psychiatrist.

- I need to go now. See you tomorrow!
- Tomorrow!

- See... I'm type A-positive.
- Ahhh... then I thirst for your blood.

They told me that you were
just the head of some association.

- Those are just lies spread by my enemies.
- My Dracula ...

... blood-sucker ... vampire.

- Bite me!
- No, no! Take it easy!

You'll make me lose my dentures!

Yes! Let's dive into a lake of red blood.

- Let's get out of these uncomfortable clothes!
- Yes, unleash your desire.

What are you doing? Not the jugular!
Don't you understand anything?

I'm the real vampire, not you.

Dracula!
My Dracula! Come back to me!

- What's the matter darling, don't you feel well?
- No, no! It's nothing.

- Please, let me do the talking.
- Yes, ma'am..

Look, I want to ask you something.
Okay, I know you suffer from an illness.

But I don't understand - how do you come to be
the sick one and I have to listen to all your dreams?

I wanted to give you good
news, I didn't dream tonight.

You didn't... but I did.
And astonishing things happened in it.

At the cinema, I dreamed I was with Count Dracula
and became more blood-thirsty than that vampire.

It was all so stark and disturbing.
I don't want to think about it any more ...

I think that you're beginning to
understand the torment I've experienced.

The only solution is to meet,
get to know each other ...

Have a civilized conversation.

I'm sure everything will feel much, ...
much more natural.

It will ease your mind. Like
when you wake up from a nightmare.

The treatment you're proposing sounds very risky.
I don't know if I could bear the shock.

Do you prefer this absurd situation?

- Are you proposing a meeting?
- Yes! Tonight, instead of going to the center ...

... I will take my usual
walk on Circumvallazione Street.

- No, please!
- Why not?

- Not that street!
- No one will see us.

Please don't go down that street.

Maybe I can manage to
break the passion that grips you.

Are you trying to drive me crazy? If you walk
down that street, I'll lock myself in the house.

Don't do that. You must
promise that you'll watch for me!

- I cannot promise you that.
- Why not?

Because my brakes will fail, and I'll
lose all inhibitions against abusing you.

- What do you mean?
- It will k*ll me... No, please.

The street is your only salvation.

The street won't save me, it
will only lead to the defiling of your body.

- I will see you on Circumvallazione Street.
- No, no! Listen ...

Hello? Hello?

I was sure you would come!
Why don't you show yourself?

This... is our magical moment.

Look at me!

Now you'll get to know the "mare"!

- Hello...
- Good evening, ma'am!

Excuse me calling at this hour!
I just wanted to know if you were okay.

Bravo! You were awesome!

Up until the last
minute I thought I could do it.

- But then... you saw me?
- Yes, I saw you...

It was like a crazy dream.
It was ravishment in reverse ... I feel fulfilled.

I'm confused - what are you talking about?

Didn't you see how easy it was?

We were made for each other.
A stallion and a mare, my darling.

But I stayed firm... stayed firm...
You understand?

Which made me want you even more. You were
an animal, a beast! You took me again and again ...

... until I passed out.
It's only your imagination, ma'am.

I've done everything to be proper.
Everything! Understand?

I never felt so much pleasure.
And you were so hairy ...

What are you talking about?
Who was hairy ... ?

- Your're too modest! You made me swoon ...
- You're an abomination!

Yes, yes... talk rough to me ...

Your imagination has made you
believe that your fantasies are reality ...

What's so bad about having an imagination?

You're just trying to seduce me!
You're nothing but a common whore!

- I don't understand!
- There's nothing to understand.

I'm going to tell your husband and create a
scandal. I didn't leave my home until after 8:00.

Enough of your stories - they're all crap!

- Hey, hairy head! Your tea has gone cold.
- I don't want it anymore, thank you!

Hey bartender, drinks all around. I'm
buying. I pulled the "mare" into my cart tonight.

We need to celebrate ...

She was like a filly in heat!

Silence!!

I was on Circumvallazione
Street when along came the "mare" ...

I f*cked her until I couldn't get
it up any longer. I did it seven times ...

You hear me... seven times!

I f*cked her until she passed out ...

Marelli, you're not drinking with us?

- I can't listen to such rough talk ...
- Then go to hell, you fool!

I don't want to hear any more...

I don't...

ONE FLEETING MOMENT

Give me a light!

- Are you looking at me?
- Yes! I mean, no!

I'm so hot ...

You idiot, didn't you see the light?

- Let me see! Just a little!
- Are you crazy?

What's wrong with that, Contessa?

Pay attention to the road,
are you trying to k*ll us?

Look out!

Be careful ...

Filippo, you're a fool.
Look what you've done!

It's okay now, Contessa.
It lost control for a moment.

- I'll have to fire you now, Filippo.
- No, please don't fire me.

I'm sorry, Contessa!
It's just that this is a special morning.

Since I hired you,
every morning is special for you.

This morning was especially difficult.
My head was spinning!

- I don't see how.
- We exchanged glances in the mirror.

It was just a quick exchange of glances ...

... but I soon saw what your intentions were!

What kind of intentions? Here in front of
everyone? Has something happened to your brain?

- That's right, my brain is sick with love.
- Please, don't speak to me of love.

It's more than love ...
It's delirium, passion, madness.

It increases my sex drive
until I can't understand anything.

Well said. You don't understand anything!
You're confusing a disorder, an illness ...

You need to see a specialist.

Well?

Who's the idiot driving this car?

- I'll show them.
- Come back here, we have to get to the beach.

You shouldn't worry about them!

- I told you to roll down your window.
- Is there something wrong?

You're full of sh*t. Don't act
like you don't know what happened?

It was an accident,
but now the car won't start.

I'm sorry if we've caused a problem.

- A thousand pardons!
- I understand!

Thank you, officer!

All's well that ends well.

There are enough of us here,
we can give you a push.

Yes, all's well that ends well.

Push! Push!

- Filippo! Move closer!
- I'm coming, Contessa.

Lean forward, Filippo!
That's how I look best.

Get lower! Bend your knees.

Lower!

Get on your knees.
Yes... like that!

You need to get down low
so that you include the fountain.

- Can you see the fountain, Filippo?
- The fountain?

I can see...

I adore her... adore her!

Filippo!

What are you doing?
Where's the camera?

It was expensive.

What's this? Filippo!

Who is it?

- Get up!
- I'm getting up!

I'm coming, Lady Contessa!
I'm coming...

What did you see, Filippo?

You told me to lean forward, so I leaned.

- I want to know what you saw!
- I don't remember. But this woman...

- Did you take pictures of my panties?
- Don't say panties!

Lace underwear drives me crazy.
Pure linen ...

- You swine! You've seen my panties!
- They were pure linen, pure linen...

Goal!

I've prepared everything, Lady Contessa ...

I have the feeling, Filippo, that because of your condition,
it would be best if you waited in the car while I ate my lunch.

Very good, Lady Contessa...

- Filippo !
- Yes, Lady Contessa...

- I know what you'd like to do.
- I wouldn't allow myself, Contessa.

Don't be a hypocrite.
You think I don't know?

- I swear ...
- Don't lie!

I don't know what to do with you, Filippo.
You force me to be hard and ruthless ...

I'm so cruel,
while you're efficient and impeccable ...

I am pleased that we're together.

As am I, my lady!

For you've proved to be the finest touring
driver I've had, compared to others I've know ...

... but you're also the first to act like a wild beast,

... and serve me food like wallpaper ...
... that was poorly boiled.

Please don't report me!
I have a family... a family!

And I'm entitled to some peace and quiet, right?

It's because of my hot southern blood.

- But you're from Milan!
- That's my home, but I feel like a Carthaginian.

I can see that! You're so wild ...
Uncivilized, hot blooded ...

... and naive! But I understand, when every
day you must be near a refined lady like myself ...

- Yes, refined ...
- Perfumed ...

- Perfumed ...
- Young ...

Young ...

- Not to mention, very provocative!
- Yes, provocative ...

I can no longer look at you in the same way!
You make me feel ... naked!

Don't say naked!
You know it drives me crazy ...

Stop, remember your place.
What's the matter with you?

Go to the car, and get control of yourself!
You must have other outlets for these ...

- Prepare my inflatable mattress.
- What? ...

- I want to get a little tan. Now go!
- I'm going!

Other outlets ...

- What are you doing?
- Pumping!

- Pumping?
- Pumping! It was deflating.

- Let me put you back on it.
- No! I'm ready to leave...

You're such an idiot!
What are you doing, feeling me up?

- You touched me!
- Who touched you?

Don't you ever stop?
This time, you'll go to jail.

- You pay for everything!
- No, not everything, Contessa!

Do anything you want, but forgive me!
Please forgive me!

Okay, I don't want to be mean.
But remember, this is the last time!

Between your social station
and mine is a wide gulf. You know how wide?

- Uncrossable!
- Uncrossable... ?

Now, pack everything so we can leave.
You've ruined my day.

Because of you, Mr. Luciano
wouldn't come with me. Do you understand?

How have I come between you and Mr. Luciano?

Mr. Luciano must be an idiot,
because he didn't come with you today.

I know I shouldn't
say this, because you are ...

... a lady and a contessa, but I will anyway.

You know what I think?
This gentleman, Luciano, is a fool.

With all due respect, he's a jerk and a...

You cannot say such things about Luciano.

I can't? Luciano, you're a fool and a jerk!

You're a jerk because of the way you
treat a lady, especially a contessa. I'll k*ll you!

- I'll cr*ck your head like a rotten egg!
- Look, it doesn't matter ...

I'll show you who's Filippo from Milan!

- Let go of the pump!
- I'm keeping the pump!

- What are you doing?
- I'm holding the pump up!

- Help!
- I am helping you!

- I understand women!
- What do you understand?

- Filippo! The pump!
- What pump?

This pump...

Damned pump!

- I want to see how far you're willing to go!
- I'll show you how far I'll go.

You're a pig. Get off my leg!
Let me get up.

- You're fired, Filippo!
- I don't care! Come here...

- What if Mr. Luciano comes!?
- I'll f*ck him too.

- You're a sadist. A vulgar brute.
- Yes, a brute ...

- And vulgar ...
- Yes, I'm vulgar ...

- Let's get a bit more comfortable.
- Yes, we need to get comfortable!

Not so rough.
Say something to me in French.

- Don't worry, I'll be your woman.
- In French?

Oui oui, mon amor...
I want to f*ck you!

- I'm so disappointed! You had references ...
- And you came with references, too.

- What did my references say?
- That you're a major bitch!

- Yes, I'm a bitch.
- Only a bitch?

- I like to f*ck in a Rolls Royce!
- Why, have you done it in other cars?

- In a Jaguar, a Bentley ...
- Lamborghini?

- In a Lamborghini Quatro!
- In a Citro?n?

- The Coupe?
- No, the Coupe's too awkward.

- In the Cabriolet?
- Yes!

- With front-wheel drive ...
- Fuel injection?

- Rear-wheel drive ...
- All-wheel drive ...

- Citro?n?
- I already told you Citro?n.

- Lamborghini?
- Didn't I say Lamborghini ...

- There was a... and a ...
- Yes?

I wanted you to list
all the cars on the market ...

- But you ...
- Can't ...

It's not my day ...

Here! 200, 210...

220, 221, 222, 223, 224...

... there's 500.

You'll take some casino tokens, right?
They're the same as cash.

- 225,000.
- The amount due is 227,800.

- How about a little discount ...
- Not one lire.

- It's because of all the miles. It's not my fault!
- It's not his fault.

- We're short just 2800 lire.
- Like I told your wife...

... I just lost half a million
in three hours at my wedding.

- Since it was his wedding ...
- I understand ...

Here's 3000 lire. You can use
the rest to buy yourself some ice cream.

- No, let me buy you some ice cream.
- Don't start, I'm a little upset right now.

- Over 2800 lire?
- I'm sorry to have upset you.

Get me out of here Filippo,
before I slap my purse over his head.

You don't know who you're dealing with here ...

I offer to buy an ice cream and you want to hit me
in the head? You and your chicken husband can ...

Stay calm, Filippo!

Just who are you calling chicken?

- He meant you!
- You! That's who!

- I just asked ...
- Yes.

... so that I could be clear ...

Let's go.
He isn't worth getting your hands dirty.

Faster... !

And you better thank
God that my wife was here.

If she hadn't been here,
things would have ended badly ...

- Ciao, beautiful one!
- This doesn't end here ...

Get in the car!

- This doesn't end here!
- I agree! We must find a solution.

So now you're going to start?

You made me dress like a harem sl*ve with
jewels on my forehead, and what did you do?

- You were the Sultan, made of hardwood ...
- You meant to say, "eunuch"!

Okay, whatever you say!

You couldn't handle the student
with the mini-skirt. You were too shy.

I was the contessa in
a Rolls Royce, still nothing!

I need to do the prost*tute thing
and then we'll have tried everything.

It seems that Luigi's
death has caused me trauma.

But this has gone on for several months now.

The doctor told me to try with fantasies.
And I've tried with fantasies.

I have a fantasy: a good night!
After this last fantasy we have nothing to eat.

Maybe next time I'll fall in love with someone ...

- You know it's a psychosis? All in your head?
- So it's me?

- Where did you learn about that?
- Nuns would do better ...

- You don't know how to finish your act.
- I can't finish my act?

I've played 24 different parts for you.
But you couldn't get hard ...

You're just a wimp!
You know what I think?

I think you're gay!

And you just don't know how
to act like a slut... like a filthy slut!

Sure, always blame me.

- What did you just say about me?
- You're gay!

- Who's gay?
- Yes! You know what everyone says about you?

- Shall I tell you? Condom gobbler! That's it.
- Condom gobbler!?

Yes, condom gobbler!

Take that!

- Esmeralda!
- What is it?

- It's ...
- This is it?

- This is it ...

- Filippo...
- Who's a condom gobbler?

- Esmeralda !
- Yes.

Here in the middle of the
intersection, in front of everyone?

The doctor said you should
not not miss any opportunity.

Then let's drop the seats, eh?

- Do you love me, dear?
- I love you, dear!

They won't stop. Should I take them
to a parking garage, or the vice department?

THE BODYGUARD

Thank you for the invitation
to stay at your villa,

I'm sending my artwork right away,
and I'll be there Wednesday ...

This isn't a life, it's a nightmare.
I can't go on, it's too exasperating!

- You're behaving quite oddly today. Believe me!
- I am not!

I can't take a walk without
feeling your eyes on the back of my neck.

I think I'll go mad.

I have learned from experience
to see in both directions at once.

- Why don't you look where you're going?
- You must tell me when you plan to stop,

... otherwise we'll collide.

Didn't you just tell me that you can
see me when you're back is turned?

I was the best bodyguard in Chicago, Miss.

12 years of training, protected 40 people.
You're safe with me.

Last month you were nearly
kidnapped, your protection was inadequate.

A bodyguard should always be watchful.
When I sleep, I don't actually sleep.

When I eat, I'm not really eating.
When I laugh, I'm not really laughing.

When was looking at you earlier,
I was actually looking behind you.

- Would to like a cigarette to calm you down!
- No.

Mind if I smoke?
As I was saying ...

My field of vision is very wide.
I'm a 360 degree bodyguard.

Get out!

Alex!

Is it possible?
That you only eat carrots?

They contain vitamin E
to improve and develop the eyes.

Thank you!

What is it?

What did you hear?

On the table?
What are you doing, are you an imbecile?

Where are you going, Alex?

Did you call?

What a disaster ...

Now, can you tell me what it was?

- A false alarm!
- A false alarm ....

Now you tell me ... !
You've nearly destroyed my house.

Bravo! Congratulations!

- You can't come in, I'm using the bathroom.
- No problem.

How dare you? Are you crazy?
Couldn't you wait until I was out of the bathroom?

- I'm doing my night patrol.
- Patrol, patrol! Get out!

This will only take a minute.
It's the Japanese system.

Japanese?
Why do we need a Japanese system?

- Why are you taking the picture?
- It's a fake.

What are you doing, are you crazy?
Why look in there?

There may have been a dogfish,
but there was nothing noteworthy.

A dogfish?
In my toilet?

One chair.

Hey!
What, did you expect to find - a b*mb?

My God! It's the end of the world.
I told you to leave.

What are you into now?

See here... that's my perfume!

Have I no right to be left
alone - even in my bathroom?

What have you got there?

My Lord!
How long must I put up with this madness?

What's... the matter?
What have you thought of now?

No, no!
That's not bodyguard's job.

You know that I'll scream.

- Get your hands out of there, you pig!
- Here...

What did you think I was doing? I have a
difficult job to do, so don't hinder me any more!

- Then don't abuse your position.
- Abuse?

- This could be poisonous soap.
- Soap ... !

- It's not poisonous.
- Well, you won't get to see me naked.

Even if I see, I'll
make sure that I don't see.

After years in this occupation, it doesn't
matter to me if a woman is dressed or naked.

To me you're just a fixture.
And I must be the same for you.

I'm not even a fixture.
I'm an animal.

- A dog. A guard dog.
- A dog?

If your dog came into the bathroom
and saw you naked, would you mind?

- No. But no offense, you are Alex.
- Just call me Fido.

- A good Fido? Now march on out of here!
- Okay.

Out! Get out, Fido!
Leave ...

- Okay, I'll leaving. Even without a muzzle.
- Leave!

Otherwise I might bark ...

- I don't understand, he was recommended!
- I know, papa!

Believe me papa,
my life has become a nightmare.

- Have a little patience, Marina!
- I'm all done. I can't take any more.

He follows me everywhere,
even into the bathroom.

I don't see him right now,
but he may well be hiding in the phone.

- Please, get him out of here.
- I'm stuck in New York for a few more days.

You just need to accept that
it's his duty to keep an eye on you.

When I look into those eyes, I feel
like I need you to hold me. Please, papa!

- Find me someone else!
- It's just a few more days.

You have to have a good bodyguard near you.
He was Kissinger's guard until two months ago.

- Maybe he'll take him back.
- No, the Arabs didn't want him around.

They realized that he could see what
was going on beyond the Suez from Tel Aviv.

Okay, okay! I can't guarantee anything.
I won't you promise anything ...

- ... but I'll try! Okay?
- Bravo, that's my girl!

- See you, honey!
- See you, papa!

- Pardon me!
- What are you doing?

Miss!

- One moment.
- Not again?

You may go!

- Woman on the grass.
- Woman on the grass!

- Are you from Paris, Francois, or the provinces?
- No, I'm from Palermo.

- What do you call that one under the cellophane?
- Coitus!

It's unfinished.
I stopped work on it to savor the inspiration.

So it's actually "coitus intreruptus."

- He's fantastic!
- It's just a sculpture ...

I'm talking about him, stupid.
Why would I be interested in this stuff?

You seem so calm and introspective,
I don't understand how such creative force ...

Francois is pure, a true artist.

Unaffected by our consumer society.
Isn't that so?

Is it true, master, that you've developed
your own techniques to get these results?

Yes, it's an ancient blend
combined with quick-setting cement.

For example, this unfinished piece
is ready to be filled with my mixture.

- Hi, Marina!
- Hey!

I know you hired that fool to protect you from
kidnappers, but he's at the gate groping everyone ...

- ... I think he's going too far.
- This isn't an airport in Tel Aviv ...

I'm so sorry...

Miss!

More slowly...
I say, did you find something new?

Has it dawned on you, my dear?

Sounds like he was in the m*llitary.

Alex! What are you doing?

Stand back, please!
Entry is temporarily suspended!

- What are you doing?
- Body searches.

- But they're my friends.
- It wouldn't matter if they were family.

- The rules apply to everyone.
- I forbid it.

If I'm to do my job,
I cannot accept any orders.

This was all my father's idea, now let them in.

- No one comes in without being searched.
- I'll k*ll you with my bare hands.

- Beg pardon...
- Are you one of the servers?

If you're not looking, you'll find you're not
serving from up here, but serving from the pool.

Alex!
I knew it!

Excuse me, Francois!

Try to understand, Alex.
You must do me a favor, just for tonight.

I want to be alone with him.

You understand, right?
I need to be alone.

I beg you!
Tomorrow I'll do whatever you want.

- Okay.
- Thank you!

Given the circumstances,
I will respect your privacy.

- I will use the Indian method.
- What does that mean?

- You won't see me for 12 hours.
- That will be enough.

- I think we lost him.
- I still feel like we're being spied on.

- Let's go, baby!
- Okay, but I don't feel comfortable.

Who knows where he might be hiding!

- What happened?
- Nothing, I just administered a sedative.

- Now he'll leave us alone for a while.
- My God!

I was coming to your
room and found him spying on you.

- You don't think you hit him too hard?
- No. I don't believe so!

He's not breathing. He's dead!
Check for yourself.

- Close his eyes!
- I can't.

They're still fastened on me.
His eyes are following me.

- He's dead and he's still spying on us.
- You k*lled him!

And I'll get to prison as an accessory.

- You threatened to k*ll him.
- Yes, but I never meant it. Do you understand?

- Don't worry, I'll take care of it.
- How so?

The Sicilian method!

It's the safest way.
No one will find the body.

Announce his disappearance
tomorrow, and that's the end of it.

- Hello!
- You can come now!

Okay!

- Everything's taken care of.
- You had to k*ll him?

- That's just how things worked out, my dear.
- What will I tell my father?

Don't worry, Marina!
Stay calm. Everything will be fine.

- Understand?
- Yes.

I'm so stupid...
What about your sculpture?

I'll get rid of it. I'll donate it
to a museum in France or America.

- It's not a problem. I'll find a solution.
- Good.

Poor Alex! I can't take my mind off him.

To hell with Alex.
Now I'm here with you.

Here. Drink this, my dear, you'll feel better.

- What is it?
- Just something to help your nerves.

- Are you a ghost?
- I'm a ghost from Hell!

Let's move, guys!
What's going on here?

- It's Francois!
- Takeoff !!

"BODYGUARD FOILS KIDNAPPING"
"Smashes g*ng led by self-styled sculptor"

MONEY TALKS

Yes?

- Good morning!
- Good morning!

- Sorry to bother you!
- Please!

Is your husband at home?

- No! Why?
- Are you Italian?

- Yes! Why?
- Ha! I'm also Italian.

I'm from Mezzano, in Switzerland on business.

- Deranjezan...
- Deranjezan... ?

Okay, I'll translate...
Am I disturbing you?

Look. Why not just tell me what you want?
Please try and brief...

If you can spare a few minutes, I'll explain
my situation. Can you allow me five minutes?

- Alright! What's this about?
- I've walked these streets for a long time.

Summer, autumn, winter.
Even spring.

Today, when I turned my head,
I saw you watering flowers on the balcony.

I told myself, look at that gorgeous woman!
She's the one for me.

Like they say, you live only once!

And so... ?

- What do you think is inside?
- I don't know!

Take a guess.

Offhand, I'd say some kind of offer.
Soap, tooth paste, detergent.

You think I'm some door-to-door salesman?
For this I'd bother a lady such as you?

Tell me what you want,
without further preamble!

That happens every time...

- Please, help yourself!
- What did you say?

Take an envelope and open it!

- Money? Is this some kind of lottery?
- Take another!

I don't understand!

Oh... you're very lucky!

- What is that supposed to mean?
- How much money do you think is there?

- I mean in each envelope.
- I wouldn't want to guess.

Exactly a million.
20 envelopes, 20 million.

- Italian lire. But that's still a lot ...
- 20 million?

If you want it, it's yours.

Don't be ridiculous. You make a house
call on a stranger just to bestow 20 million?

- Enough of this joke!
- I'll give it to you. You have my word!

- Am I some kind of charitable foundation?
- That's what I was wondering.

Have I bestowed anything
on you free of charge today?

Let me summarize! An unknown Italian
living in a foreign country calls at your door.

He meets a distinguished and
elegant woman. Someone like yourself?

If you'll permit me to say so?

This gentleman isn't so bad himself.

He has 20 million, and proposes...
... a little deal.

Enough of the sermon...
I'll give you the 20 million, and you ...

And I... ?

And you give me an hour of love.
Don't find this to be an honest proposal?

How dare you?
What do you take me for?

Queen among queens!
Please consider my offer!

I think you're crazy!

I'm crazy, yes. Over you!
Even a wealthy lady ...

... must have needs that her husband cannot satisfy.

Jewelry, beautiful clothes ...

Take your bag and get out of here!
Otherwise I'll call someone!

Okay, okay. If you insist.
You don't need to throw me out.

It was never my intent to
suggest something you didn't want to do.

- Won't you please... reconsider?
- Leave me!

- I won't give it another thought!
- How you can turn down 20 million?

This is a monstrosity.
You'll regret this some day.

Maybe you're just hiding your feelings.
And maybe, you might like it just a little ...

And maybe you should thank God that my
husband isn't here. You'd have paid for this.

That's why I'm here...
To pay you 20 million.

Tomorrow I'm leaving for Australia,
and you'll never see me again.

You're a real bastard,
trying to take advantage of a faithful wife.

- I'm a serious woman. You understand?
- And what am I? A clown?

20 million for an hour of love ... ?
What do you say?

It's 3 o'clock.
By 4:00 everything would be finished. See?

Get out!

Good morning! That scared me ... !

- It's 4 o'clock. The time has flown.
- Swiss watches are never wrong.

A deal is a deal.
20 million for an hour of love.

Right now which seemed worth more?
When do you think your husband will return?

- Ignazzio's in New York.
- Perhaps you'll grant me an extension.

What's 5 minutes compared to eternity?

It looks like we're going into overtime ...

- Let go of me!
- I want to make one more score ...

- You think this bed is football field?
- No, that's 100 meters long!

For that kind of money,
I need to dive into it one more time.

- You're not playing fair.
- That was 20 million well spent.

Tomorrow I go to Australia.
What's done is done ...

The fur coat must be ready tonight.

My husband comes home from New York
tomorrow, and I want to surprise him.

No, I'll pay. I'm good at managing my savings.
Then it's agreed?

Excuse me! Someone's at the door.
Goodbye!

- I had to see you again!
- What?

I couldn't sleep all night.
It was like the end of the world.

Didn't I give you enough extensions?
Don't touch me!

I want you to take me to Heaven!
Because I'm delayed in leaving for Australia.

I have another 20 million.
Why should I leave it in the bank?

It's better to give it to a fellow countrymen.
Am I right? Now, how about a rematch?

I thought it was great.
Wasn't it good for you ... !?

Get out, I'm not a prost*tute! Yesterday I
was drunk and didn't know what I was doing.

But you did agree.
Look, here's a chance to earn another 20 million!

Cool!

Look! Look! This is all for you!
It's real money!

- Stop it!
- I'll give it to you. What will I get?

- What are you doing?
- Once, twice ...

- Get out!
- It's like the ancients used to say ...

... coito ergo sum!
Tomorrow I go to Australia; you won't see me again.

You can't refuse one last salute to
an emigrant. We are fellow countrymen!

- If the lady will just follow me...
- You think I'd welcome you to my bed?

That would be a nice welcome!
Nicer than this ... 20 million ...

- Where are you going? Take your money back!
- You deposit it tomorrow, the banks are closed today.

- Please, don't give me any more problems!
- You must be crazy!

Where is he going?

Where did he go?
Into the bedroom?

- You know there's a pillow case on your head?
- Yes, I already know that!

Do me a favor and get dressed immediately!
The maid is coming.

You understand me?

Did you know I'm an ambush expert?

My darling...
I love you my darling ...

I'm not your darling ...

If my darling keeps hitting me
in the head I'll have to tie her up.

- Not for anything!
- There's nothing to do but play peek-a-boo!

- You can't see me, I can't see you.
- I can't see anything.

- The important thing is to listen.
- I can always hear where you are.

He scores!

I hope no one sees you here! It was
so kind of you to accept my invitation.

I had to be here anyway.
I'm expecting someone.

It's just a chance meeting of old friends. No?

People are always
coming and going at the airport.

- My party won't arrive for more than an hour.
- I'm not leaving for at least 90 minutes.

What a strange coincidence!
Life is full of surprises.

Like all romantic stories it needs to have an ending.

A farewell like in Casablanca.
Ingrid Bergman and Humphrey Bogart.

Will you allow me to be Bogart?

Two people, two destinies,
and a plane leaving for Australia.

There, to be surrounded by kangaroos!

- Do you need to use the bathroom?
- No, why?

- If I were you, I would need to!
- Don't be ridiculous.

If you go to the ladies room, and
check the toilet t*nk, there's a gift for you.

- In the toilet?
- The final 20!

- What final 20?
- Million!

Now go, what would I do with it?
Put it in a kangaroo pouch?

Think of it as a farewell gift.

A gift in the toilet?
I knew you were weird!

It's a small package, who would take it?
People don't steal in Switzerland.

They might not steal it, but if
they found it, they'd take it to the police.

- It's your money, I won't take it!
- Then I'll just leave it there!

Do what you want!

Farewell...

Goodbye...

Did you plan to accept
the gift without thanking me?

Quiet! Someone's coming!

- Good morning!
- Good morning!

- What are you doing?
- It always happens when I'm nervous.

- Here's your package, I'm leaving! What... ?
- Your gauzy things...

- Leave me alone! Get out!
- Don't talk! It's better to write.

There's no shortage of pens.
I brought several with me.

Stop it! Let me go!
I'll shout for someone!

- Leave me alone!
- Read it! What's your answer?

WE DID IT TWICE,
WHY NOT 3 TIMES?

Let me write!
PIG

Give me the pen...

I'LL

I'LL BE

I'LL BE QUICK

It's a beautiful world...

Are you ill?

No.
It's nothing serious, just a bit of air sickness.

- No! Not my earring!
- I'll send it back by mail!

Can't you do this in silence?

Swissair flight 719 from New York
will be landing shortly. Gate number 5.

- Ignazzio !
- Hello, darling!

- Are you okay?
- Yes, how was your flight?

Okay! But I'm sick of airplanes for now.

- Luckily the stewardesses were cute.
- Is that so ...

Oh, my dear Salvattore!
What a surprise! How are you?

My regards, your eminence ... !

- Why are you here?
- I wanted to speak to you personally.

I see. Was there
a problem with the money?

- It's all quite safe, sir!
- Bravo!

Moving money across
borders is child's play for me.

I entrusted the 60 million to your wife!

Drop by my office in Milan on Monday,
and I'll write you a check.

No hurry, sir.
I'm sorry to have bothered you!

- In a hurry to leave?
- No... I have a job to do for someone else.

That should prepare you to do
another job for me next month.

Believe me, it's always a pleasure.

- Goodbye, my friend!
- Ma'am ...

... until we meet again!

That was brilliant! He not only delivered
the money, but delivered it to a safe place!

A QUIET PLACE

- Come in, sir!
- I'm just looking for someplace quiet.

You'll find it's very quiet here.

- Is their still moisture in the walls?
- No, they're fine now.

- There are a lot of steps to get up here ...
- You're telling me!?

- I suffer from heights.
- You'll need to decide.

- The owners are impatient.
- Yes, yes.

It depends on the size of the closet.

- I'm a meticulous person.
- I see ...

- Someone needs to clean the apartment.
- Once you've paid the rent.

- I have to go back downstairs!
- I'll just look around.

- Okay... I'll be downstairs.
- I'll stay up here ...

- I need to take some measurements ...
- Don't rush, take your time.

- What are you doing? Are you crazy?
- Leave me alone, go away! Go away!

It's 113!
Yes, the number is 113!

Hello?
It isn't working. Now what?

Maybe she's starring in a picture...
or has a bit part?

- Now ...
- Now what?

You see that car down there?
If you land on it, it will be ruined.

- It's insured, so why should I care.
- The car is mine.

I'm still making payments.
My insurance doesn't cover certain hazards.

- I was here first.
- What does that have to do with it?

Then move it ... and be quick about it!

Since you... you're in a hurry,
it would be better to come over this way.

From here you'd land somewhere better, much better.

You'd at least save my car.
It's new.

Thank you, you're very kind!

- Leave me alone! Leave me alone!
- Yes... calm down ...

- A beautiful girl like you shouldn't die!
- How dare you?

- Miss ...
- I can't even k*ll myself.

Calm down, Miss! Here.
See this? Stop...

Look here... You have a long lifeline.
Destiny did not want you to k*ll yourself.

- Is that what it shows?
- Of course!

- Allow me! Serpetti Adriano, accountant.
- Marcella Fosne... I play the harp.

Why would such a delicate soul want to k*ll herself?

You're young, you're beautiful.
You play the harp ...

- Well... I ran out of antidepressants this afternoon.
- No antidepressants...

Do you find me boring?

How could I be bored with you?

No!
I'm not convinced ...

- I understood the moment I saw you.
- What did you understand?

I understood that we could be very happy together.

Am I the first woman in
your life who tried to commit su1c1de?

- Yes, you are in fact my first su1c1de!
- No.

- Why not?
- Not on the floor!

- Where can we go?
- To my apartment. It's convenient.

Your apartment?
Ah... yes!

- But where is your key?
- He'll open it.

If someone's home, perhaps I'd better ...

- Did he open it?
- Sure... he was waiting for me. Come in!

Be careful! He's very, very jealous of me.

I'm going to the bedroom.
You come when he's distracted.

He mustn't realize what is happening.

Ma... Ma... Marcella !

Oh, it's the bird...

Good boy ...

Help ...

This afternoon's movies begin with:
"St. Bernard, The Guard Dog"

The film is part of the series:
"Friends of Mankind!"

- Where's Othello?
- Who's Othello?

- My dog!
- He got distracted, and didn't see me come in here.

Finally, we're alone!

- I'm here!
- Do you love me? - Yes, I love you!

- You want me to be yours?
- Yes, I want you to be mine!

- Forever?
- Forever.

- We'll always be together?
- We'll always be together.

- For the rest of your life?
- For the rest of my life!

- And in heaven?
- And in heaven.

- For all eternity?
- And beyond eternity.

- You're divine ...
- Watch out... it's the dog!

Quick! Hide in the closet.

Good Lord!

It's safe to come out...

Wouldn't it better to
lock your door with a key?

Oh, no! He'd get upset and break down the door.
Come with me... quickly!

- He'd look better with a muzzle.
- I've never gotten him to agree.

- It's just not that easy.
- What is that?

Don't you understand?
Shall I think about you or the dog?

Don't think about the dog!

- Has he had a rabies vaccination?
- Yes.

- Against rabies, as well as ticks and fleas.
- Let's hope they're not expired.

Get naked! Faster.
Hurry and get these off!

Can't you see that the doctor is visiting?
Get out! Go away!

Can't you see it's the doctor?

- 33! [The words a patient is usually asked to say when
a doctor is listening to his or her lungs with a stethoscope.]

- Get out!
- I'm a doctor.

- Get out!
- I'm the doctor, I said 33! 33!

How is it possible that you
don't understand that he's the doctor!

- 33!
- You're spoiling my privacy with the doctor!

You never fail to interupt.
This house has become a living hell.

A quick look and she'll know what I've done ...

Everything is under control.
All will be calm now.

Don't come near me, please!
Something terrible has happened.

- Please don't lift the sheets!
- What happened?

Don't ask me. Go in the other room.
Leave me alone!

I want to be alone!

Where's the bathroom?

See you later.

Why are you running out on me?

I'm ashamed. Try to understand!
I'll wash them and send them back.

- Where's Othello?
- He went out to pee.

- We're alone now.
- He'll return. Goodbye... and forget everything.

- Is this the end to our love?
- Why shouldn't it end? When I did that ...

- ... I feel like an 8 month old infant.
- Don't talk such nonsense!

- I want to introduce you to my father.
- What for?

- What for? To get engaged, right?
- No.

Then it wasn't true what you said?
That you love me, that you want to marry me?

I had to say those things.
And thank Heaven I did - it saved your life.

But you need to know,
I'm married and have two children.

- Is that true? Why didn't you tell me?
- You know why...

Then... get out!
Get out of my life!

- I don't love you anymore!
- Go f*ck yourself...

Dear God ...

I'm a doctor ...
A doctor of women ...

Check with the hospital ...

Help! Mama...

Dear Jesus! Look, there on the ledge!
A man who wants to commit su1c1de!

- Help, police!
- Let me through!

Pray, my brothers!
Call on the Lord to save his soul!

Our Father, who art in
heaven, hallowed be thy name ...

As it is in heaven ...
Save his soul!

Look at the dog!
He's trying to save the man from su1c1de.

Stop it! You want to drive me crazy?

If you don't stop, I'll k*ll
myself and then you'll be alone.

No, Marcella!
Don't close the window!

Okay. Now you must
promise to be good and obey me.

Because of you,
my future husband has left me.

He was beautiful, tall, thin ...

Distinguished ...
A prince at heart!

Or maybe not!

Stop it, Othello!

If you continue to act like this,
I'll throw you out of this house!

We'll be finished forever.
Got that? Do you swear!

Do you know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to call the police dog department .

I'll do it!
Just wait... you see, you see!

I'll show you that I'm serious.
Now give me the phone!

Let me have the phone!
Give me the phone!

That's it! I've treated you like a king.
I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

There will never be anything between us again.
Never! Never! Never!

Let them through!

He's up there!

My glasses! I can't see a thing.
What's going on?

What do you hear? Where are you going?
Are you frightened?

Did you hear that? Now they'll get you.
Let's see what you do now!

Yes. They've come to take you
because you were very bad today! Very bad!

The owner of a Fiat 126, registered
in Naples, license number 00124...

... is asked to come and move it.

- I'm the owner.
- Get down here and move it!

He's a suicidal maniac,
it's dangerous to get near him.

- He might throw you down here.
- Calm down!

- I can convince him.
- Raise the ladder!

Allow me.
Only I can save him.

What are you doing, Padre?
Be careful!

Look who's climbing up here on the ladder.

A man in black.
He'll punish you!

What drove you to do this?
Didn't you stop to think that this is a mortal sin?

Don't forget!
Only God can take us from this world.

You're still young, you have your whole
life ahead of you. Let your soul be saved!

- Take the hand of a friend.
- Let go of me!

Attention, parents!
Now they have to save both me and the priest!

Get down! You're no help at all!
Faster! Faster!

Bravo!

Get down here, Father!

He's insane! No one should approach him.
Otherwise he'll jump!

I know who he is.
He's the child of the Devil ...

He's a lost soul ...
What are you doing? Let me go!

I want to tell you something.
Please don't interrupt me!

Afterwards you can tell me if I'm right or not.

I'm not a little girl, Otello.
I'm a woman.

A woman needs a man.
I don't want to offend you, Othello ...

... but why can't you make
friends with anyone I bring home?

And that's a pitiful few!
But the only one I really loved, gone forever.

I'm sorry, but you're just being selfish!

It would be nice if you could be a little more sociable.

You see, men aren't trying to hurt me!

They caress me. Kiss me...

... and say loving things to me. Think about
what it would be like to be in a nice family!

Him and me ... and you!

You mustn't worry about the mundane
problems that might arise in a three-way life.

What did you say!!
Where are you going, Othello?

Othello! Is it my fault that
nobody else can understand you?

But you can never understand me!

- What are you going to do? Stay there?
- Have you decided to jump or not?

If you walk out that door,
you'll know that I d*ed for you.

If you see me on the street, don't even look at me!

Get ready.

We'll see if he finds anyone better than me!

- More to the right.
- What's going on?

Sweetheart! I thought you ran away!

You really do love me?
You would die for me?

- Mama ...
- That's good ...

You couldn't have faith!
You couldn't! Satan take you!

I'm so happy, my darling! I'm so happy!

Get back! It's too dangerous.
We could fall together.

Don't worry, I'm used to being out on the ledge.

It's so sordid, yet so exciting ...

Exciting my ass!

Don't stop!
Save him! Save him!

Let me kiss you!

I want to make love here on the ledge.

You're crazy, we'd both fall!

Let me touch you.
This is so romantic ...

- Please ...
- Don't be absurd. It's marvelous!

Kiss me!

He's alive! Get him to the hospital!

You must confess, my son!
You are you still in a state of sin.

- No! I just want to go home!
- Here, drink a sip of water!

I don't want any water!

Well, accountant, are you
going to rent the apartment?

f*ck your apartment!

It's the dog! It's the dog!
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