02x15 - Fire

[bunniefuu]

Greetings and saaaaluuutations...

Not today, Jacob. This morning
is already on my last nerve.

I tried to take a picture of
this woman's crooked lace front,

dropped my phone, cracked it.

I asked her to pay for it, she
said she gonna call the cops.

I am one minor inconvenience
from putting this whole day in rice.

Oh, been there. Sort of.

Well, let me improve your day
with a tasty offering.

I made carrot cookies.

- You mean carrot cake?
- As if.

Carrot cookies... made with
carrots and carrot juice.

Mnh, no, just looking at them
almost put me over the top.

- Janine? Can I tempt you?
- Yeah.

They're made with salvaged oat pulp.

Those look alive.

Well, yeah. That's the probiotics.

Uh, you know what?

I probably shouldn't
on an empty stomach, so...

[FIRE ALARM WAILING]

I didn't know we were
having a fire drill today.

Was it on the schedule?

- I have it memorized, and no.
- Oh.

Single-file line,
most flammable kids first,

and remember... No running!

Everybody out!

This is a real fire
in the teachers' lounge!

This is a real fire!
This is not a drill! Hootie-hoo!

- Wait, Ava, where are you going?!
- I'm protecting my peace.

The firefighters are almost
here. Y'all got it!

- JANINE: Okay, real fire.
- Um, okay, um...

- A-Alright, two, three, four, five.
- You guys up. Turn that way.

[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]

- Alright, y'all, come out safely.
- Alright, guys.

- Right there.
- Get the door.

Do not go into the street.
Go, go, go, go. Go.

She's not coming back, is she?

- No. Alright, guys.
- Okay.

[MAKER'S "HOLD'EM" PLAYING]

Jacob, you know I love you, I do.

But did your cookies do this?

No, these are no-bakes.

It's better for
the environment and your gut.

- What is wrong with you?
- Oh, disgusting.

Okay, I can tell you, I didn't do this.

Because as someone who wanted
to be a firefighter,

I hate fires. They sicken me.

I want to fight them.

Smoke and fire... The devil's fresh air.

It was probably shoddy wiring.

- Yeah.
- Good morning, everyone.

I'm Captain Robinson.

No relation to Smokey, so save
your jokes. I've heard them all.

Hm.

I'd like to speak to your principal.

[CELLPHONE CHIMES]

Oh, well, that's... That's great

because, actually,
she just posted a video.

She's probably on her way
back to Abbott.

All my preppers know what time it is.

Let's get into this.

"What's In My Go Bag:
Fire Safety Edition."

First up... matches.

'Cause one thing about me,
I'mma fight fire with fire.

- Alright.
- Our principal is otherwise engaged.

But I'm happy to fill in for her.
How can I help you?

I took a series of catastrophe modules
in my principal training.

I'm also prepared for tidal
waves, Facebook crashing...

That's for the older teachers...
And a lice outbreak...

for the white teachers.

Looks like the fire
was started by a candle

and this nearby shawl.

Classic case of flame meets fabric.

Wait, but that's Barbara's shawl

and Barbara's candle.

Oh, my God, someone's trying to use

cashmere and Jesus to blackmail Barbara.

- You mean "frame".
- Semantics.

I did step out earlier
to take a phone call.

And maybe a gust from the vent

just blew my shawl over the candle.

I take full responsibility.

Well, let's hope
it doesn't happen again.

Luckily, no one was hurt.

But we're still gonna have to go

through the standard
post-fire protocols.

Of course, I'm happy to sidebar.

MELISSA: I still can't believe

they brought a tractor drawn aerial.

Yeah, that's... That's one big daddy.

BARBARA: I am sorry
for the inconvenience.

But if there's any way that I can help,
please let me know.

I lost three precious diamonds
in the fire. And a Ferrari.

Not sure if the time is right,
but I think we should talk insurance.

We all behaved as kings and queens.

I took my line-leader
duties very seriously.

Cool, cool.
Okay, now, everyone, drop your bags.

Zip those coats back up.

We're going on an impromptu excursion.

What's an excursion?

That's where youse all work those
cute little puppy dog eyes

to get the firefighters
to let us play on the truck.

STUDENTS: Cool! Come on!

The fire department sent a TDA.

That's industry speak for
"tractor drawn aerial."

And for me, that's top of the line.

That's the one my uncle used to drive.

The Schemmentis have a rich
history in firefighting...

also fighting fighting.

Wow.

Would you look at this

big... hunk... of... metal.

See, this is why I love fire trucks.

I get older... They stay the same.

Nothing beats fire engine red.

Come on in, guys. Hi.

- Excuse me.
- Yes.

I'm Janet Elton, trauma
counselor sent by the district.

I'm looking for
acting-principal Gregory Eddie.

Oh. Interim principal.

Unofficially, but effectively.
Thank you for coming.

Wow, you called the district

and they actually
sent someone right away?

Well, people really
respect my leadershi...

I was on my way when you called.

Where can I set up?

I need to work my way top to bottom

and visit all classrooms ahead
of the fire safety meeting.

Oh, lucky. [CHUCKLES]

Ask the third graders if they miss me.

[CHUCKLES]

Right this way.

I'm Miss Teagues.

It's normal to be shaken up.

I'll be here for the rest of the day

should any of you want to talk
about today's events.

That's teachers and students alike.

- Mm.
- My metaphorical door is open.

Thank you, Miss Janet. [CHUCKLES]

As I always say, "When in doubt,
talk it out."

Right, guys?

Can I offer you a carrot cookie
for your Abbott journey?

It's late morning, and the container
is still completely full.

I'll pass.

I will keep a close eye on them,

and if any of the students
express any concern,

I will be sure to let you know.

And how are you holding up, Mrs. Howard?

Me? [CHUCKLES]

Oh, I'm just fine.

I lit a candle, then
I received a phone call,

and because I am a courteous
person, I answered it.

And...

You know, this is just
much ado about nothing.

I'm fine.

Are you writing I'm fine?

I'm just taking some notes.

Well, that's a lot
of writing for "I'm fine."

Um, "She's fine"... It's just two words,

and one of them is a contraction.

You know, when those vents get going,

it is like a hurricane.

So if there is anyone to blame,
it would be the wind.

Okay, I'll be going...

And I just want you
to have the specifics.

Because I know that you are on
a fact-finding mission.

I'm just a counselor,
not an investigator.

Yes, but it seems like you are
an investigator of feelings.

And I want you to know
that I am feeling just fine.

Facts.

I mean, honestly, lately I've been
having some issues with my sister.

We argue about my mom sometimes.
She lives in Denver.

Not my mom, my sister.

Um, so anyway, I've been seeing
this guy Maurice a little bit...

No, I meant, how are you doing
in relation to the fire?

Right, I was getting to that.

So we went to this restaurant,
and guess what breaks out.

- A fire?
- A mariachi band.

[CHUCKLES] And I said I wanted to leave.

So I made him think
that I don't like mariachi.

But the thing is, I do.

It was just a small restaurant,
and it was really loud.

Accident schmaccident.

I smell arson.

Ask any of my exes. It's always arson.

I blame "Waiting to Exhale."

Which one of you kids
want to honk the horn?

Oh, c'mon, they've heard horns before.

This city runs on road rage.

I want to show them the Jaws of Life.

Okay, look, kids.

This is what you use if you want
to destroy a car...

If you want to get someone out of a car.

It's cold. Can we go inside?

Yeah, but the truck
only fits seven at a time.

So who's got first?

Man, I just wanted to honk the horn.

[HORN HONKS]

The pyramid and the cone can be tricky,

so make sure you pay
attention. [KNOCK ON DOOR]

Keep working on those shapes, kids.

Mr. Eddie needs to have a conversation.

Please hold.

Interim Principal Gregory Eddie
at your service.

We'll dig into that later.

First, an update.
No concerns on the students thus far.

And all the staff has passed
my standard inspection.

I've longed for protocol.
This is the best day of my life.

Except for one person who isn't
handling it well...

at all.

Oh, well, look,
that's just how Janine is.

I'm not talking about Janine.

Jacob? That one lunch lady?

Her name is Shanae.
That don't sound right.

It's not her.

Well, who could it be? Mr. Johnson?

That is the single most
well-adjusted man I have ever met.

I'm talking about Barbara Howard.

Are you sure you don't mean Janine?

I'm sure. Listen, I've been
with people in the aftermath

of some tough situations...

Heart att*cks, flooding,
wig falling off at an assembly.

Nothing shakes people up
more than a fire.

There's usually something
under the surface.

I feel like you're reading her wrong.

Barbara is the most together
and collected person at this school.

She's made mistakes, but she moved on...

Oh! Miss Janet.

There you are.

I just wanted to reiterate
that I am fine.

Is that all?

Also, I wanted to add that I never

listen to Chaka Khan's
"Through the Fire"

when it comes up on my Pandora.

"I'm Every Woman," not a pyromaniac.

No one was thinking that, Barbara.

I know, but I just wanted to make sure
that it was on the record.

You know, in that little...
fact-finding notebook of hers.

Facts.

It's worrisome. But I still think
you should take a look at Janine.

Is everything okay, Barbara?

Didn't I make that
perfectly clear earlier?

Well, I just wanted you to know
that if you feel any which way,

you can come to me, as a friend,

or, if you prefer it to be more formal,

as your interim principal.

You are not a principal, Gregory.

You are but a child.

I'm just making sure that you're good.

I'm as good as it gets.

Perfect, even.

I'm also just making my rounds
to remind all staff

about the fire safety meeting at lunch.

Thank you, but no thank you.

It's mandatory.

Gregory, I am spiritually tenured.

Mandates are nothing more
than fervent suggestions.

Ava would let me skip this.

Respectfully and thankfully,
I'm not Ava.

And don't you think
if anyone should attend

the fire safety meeting,
it should be you?

Considering...

Look, it's no big deal.

My shawl caught fire on
a stained-glass Jesus candle.

Nobody got hurt.

So why don't we all just
put this ordeal behind us

and move forward?

- I agree.
- Oh!

- Let's move forward.
- Forward.

After the meeting.

Which is mandatory.

I miss Ava.

[RADIO CHATTER]

[STUDENTS GROANING]

Are you all bored or just
kind of quietly reflecting?

Holy smokes, this must be
the -pound turbo flathead.

model, too.

They got too flashy after the s.

Don't touch my Axe.

Melissa, I think your kids
are a little, like, disengaged.

Nah! I haven't even introduced them

to the wonderful world
of the tiller yet.

[GASPS] I bet this baby's got
some baller wheel markers.

[CHUCKLES]

Wow, she, uh... she seems
really into fire trucks.

- Yeah, we call them Truckies.
- Mm.

Just once I'd like a woman
to like me for me,

not the truck, you know?

Yeah, I mean, not super relatable,

- but empathizing nonetheless.
- Mm.

Hey, thank you for
everything that you do.

As a fellow employee of the city

and aspiring humble hero...

I see you.

Any chance you could see
to getting your co-worker

away from our truck?

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Hey, um... I'm worried about Barbara.

Oh, no, why? What's wrong?
What happened? Where is she?

- She says she's fine.
- Okay.

But the counselor seems to think

that she's not processing
what happened earlier.

And that there may be
something else going on.

Well, that counselor doesn't
know what she's talking about.

She said she thought that
I might benefit from therapy.

[LAUGHS]

Right. But she may be onto
something with Barbara.

So let's keep an eye out.

Okay, but, you know,
Barbara's solid as a rock.

She's my rock.

And, you know, if she says she's fine,

- then she's fine.
- Okay.

CAPTAIN ROBINSON: Alright,
folks. Let's get serious.

[CLICK]

♪ Think safe, be safe,
all throughout the day ♪

Doesn't even make sense.
Why would a fire own sunglasses?

[CLICK] Can anyone tell me

the three leading causes
of fires in schools?

- The CIA.
- No.

Too close to the truth, huh?

Cooking, intentional action,
and heating.

Let's save the questions
for the end, please.

Less of a question, more of a comment.

I could run this meeting in my sleep.

Well, that won't be necessary,
but thanks for the offer.

Let's move into fire prevention.

Typical firefighter machismo,
silencing women.

There's a woman right there.

Yeah, well, that's new.

Back in the day, female firefighter

was just the punch line of the
dirtiest joke you ever heard.

Trust me.
They crushed my dreams with that

"Girls can't be firefighters" crap.

JACOB: Yeah, I think
that's generational.

You can't spell firefighter
without "her."

I mean, you gotta take the "G"
and the "T" out, but...

Now, today's blaze
was the result of heating.

A candle was the heat source.

And the fuel was
a haphazardly placed shawl.

Which could hap-happen to anyone.

It was simply an accident.

Right, and that's not an indictment

on the owner of said candle
or the owner of said shawl.

I mean, and it definitely doesn't mean

that they're getting older
and growing forgetful,

- if that's how they feel.
- Gregory.

- What the hell?!
- JANINE: What?

But if they did feel that way,
they can just talk to somebody.

- But if they don't, that...
- Gregory, stop.

Look, I think what Gregory
means to say is that,

you know, fires can start
in all kinds of ways.

- Right.
- Right? Yes.

Actually, firefighters wind up

starting a lot of fires themselves.

- Uh, but you know that already.
- Excuse me?

You know, one of the most famous fires
was actually started by a cow.

But I don't see them asking a cow
to join a fire safety meeting.

[LAUGHTER] Right, Barb?

I would like to see that,
though. [CHUCKLES]

"Mooooo-ve! There's fire!"

Alright, folks,
this meeting was actually

not meant to be so
interactive, okay? [CLICK]

Bottom line... no more
open flames in school.

Intentional or not, they start fires.

Especially when used carelessly.

Excuse me, but what exactly
do you mean by open flame?

I mean, surely candles are still okay.

A candle's an open flame,
so, no, they're not.

Well, that's ridiculous. I've been
lighting candles here for years

without a single problem.

- Until today.
- And there won't be another.

Exactly, there won't be another one

because there will be no
more candles on this property.

Does that apply to birthday candles?

Well, that is unfair.
This school is full of hazards.

And birthdays.

You have no idea the nonsense

that teachers get away
with here repeatedly.

But the one time I light
a candle for peace of mind,

without ever having a prior problem,

you want to take it away from me.

Well, that is unfair and ridiculous!

[DOOR OPENS] Good
job, Little Fires Everywhere.

You really helped calm
things down. [DOOR SLAMS]

[DOOR OPENS]

Did you see that?

- Yes.
- Yeah, we're right here.

[SIGHS]

Hey, Barb.

Hey, don't worry about that meeting.
That was a farce.

Hey, want something to cheer you up?

Take a look at these pictures
of me with the fire truck, huh?

Hard to be mad when I look that good.

Your hair matches the truck. Marvelous.

You wanna talk about it?

I'm fine.

Okay.

Been dealing with Gerald's health.

Barb...

We had a prostate situation.

Oh, no. Oh, my gosh. Is he okay?

Yeah, doctor called this morning

said he is in the clear.

Oh, thank God.

But those PSA numbers came back high.

And, y-you know, the past few days

just waiting to find out the results,

it's been stressful.

Of course. I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry I didn't know.

Well, all I could do was
light my candle and pray.

- Mm.
- What was I gonna do?

Sit around and worry about it all day?

That never does any good.

Right? That's life.

Just always something coming at you.

You just gotta keep on truckin'.

Keep truckin'.

I mean, if we were to blab
every time life got hard,

we would be...

Janine.

Janine.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Oh, I'm glad he's okay, honey.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Well, I better get back
to those firefighters.

I gotta help them find their keys.

Ma'am, we really need to get going.

There has to be a fire somewhere.

Hey, man. [CHUCKLES]

I was just playing a little
pick-up solo Ultimate.

Ultimate Frisbee.

Solo play helps you
burn the most calories.

It's niche.

Anyways, I got my commemorative
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

Frisbee stuck up on
that ledge over there.

Why don't you just use these... cookies?

They look hefty. Get the Frisbee down.

Uh, no. Um, no!

Oh, no, please! Please!

It's a -step recipe.

You know, I actually wasn't even
gonna ask the squad

to help get it down. I had another idea.

Are you familiar with the Schemmentis
of Southern Philadelphia?

Hey, B-to-the-A-to-the-R-to-the B...

to-the-A-to-the-R-to-the A.

Hey, how you doing?
Just coming to check on you.

Holding space for you
in case you wanted to, you know, talk.

There's no need to worry.

I will not be lighting my candle anymore

per the orders of the district

and the interim principal.

Oh, would we say that I ordered?

That sounds strong.

Well, either way,

I will not be lighting
my candle anymore.

And that's life, right?

Right.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

Mrs. Howard, is the fire done?

Oh, sweetheart, the fire is all done.

Would you like to talk
about it with Miss Janet,

the nice lady from earlier?

It's okay.

You know it's okay to feel scared.

You don't have to pretend
that you're not.

Pretending can make it harder.

You know, sometimes
Mrs. Howard gets scared...

...and upset, too.

And that's okay.

Okay?

Frisbee secured!

Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

Ooh, should she really
be up there in heels?

She's wearing a helmet.

Hey, why don't you try playing a sport

that actually involves balls...
like downhill skiing.

[RADIO CHATTER]

[SIGHS]

Thanks for letting me do that.

That felt even better
than I could've imagined.

Don't mention it. You should've
told me that you're a Schemmenti!

- Yeah.
- Your uncle was a legend.

He put out the Hawthorne fire in '.

Mm-hmm.

Never did find out who started that.

It was started by my other uncle.

And I'm not snitching. He's proud of it.

I get it. It was just an accident.

And you are Mary J. Blige
levels of "Just Fine."

Actually, I want to thank you
for coming today,

because I have been dealing
with some things at home

and the fire was a direct result
of that stress.

Almost to the letter.

Thank you for sharing, Mrs. Howard.

You know, if you want,
I can write you a day off.

A day off?

For what?

A day off because you might need it...

or just want it.

I have only ever taken a day off

because I was sick or a vacation.

Once to get my hair done.
It was an emergency.

Kirk Franklin was in town
with The Family.

[CHUCKLES]

But I've never taken a day off
for no reason.

Feels like there is a reason.

It's actually called
a mental health day.

But if I said that,
she wouldn't take it.

I know her type.

Seems like your principal
leaves whenever she wants.

Well...

Here is a work-excusal form.

Don't you need to put my name on it?

Oh, it's on there.

Had a feeling.

Now, I know you said
you were fine, but...

♪ You are my sunshine, my only sun... ♪

♪ You're not Barbara ♪

Barb took the day off.

What? Uh, is she okay?

I mean, is everything alright?
Is she mad at me?

Just because you got a round face
like the Teletubbies sun baby

doesn't mean that the world
revolves around you.

Where's Barbara?

Take that blazer off.

You think you the principal
or something?

The hell happening 'round here?

Hey, Ava, what did Barbara say?

She said she needed
some time to herself.

I tried to send her to that spa

I was at yesterday...
They offer referral cash...

But she said she wanted to
"spend time with her husband."

Good for her, though.

Wow, never thought I'd see the day.

Wait a minute. You were at a spa?

[SIGHS]

Good night.

Still with the cookies?

Come on, it's been days.

They're probably even worse than before.

Actually, they age like fine wine

due to a key ingredient...
Grape-seed oil.

Yeah, that's not how that works.

Oh, I think I understand fermentation.

You know, they're putting these
new things in cookies these days.

It's called chocolate chips.

Hardy har. See you tomorrow.

[CHUCKLES]

Son of a Bocelli, they're delicious.

Wipe the tape.