Louise's Wedding (2001)

[bunniefuu]

Mrs. housewife, we're in your
neighborhood to fixyour pans.

Broken handles,pressure valve,
pressure rubber...

we can fix right now and
give you full guarantee.

It seems incredible,
but It's real!

We can fixyour pans
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Come and bring
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We'll fix It now wlth the
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Attention,It's very important:

here the newest system
to repairyour pans.

My name is Louise.

Such a name is because my father
liked Louis Armstrong very much.

Iwas born in Brasilia
on April 37, 1970.

MOMMY'S BABY
lwas 20 inches long...

DADDY'S TCHUTCHUCA
and weighed 9,3 pounds.

FAMILY'S SWEETIE

We have all kinds of handles for
saucepans,milk pots and kettles.

All kinds of pans,
including aluminum pans.

We have accessories for all
kinds of pans right here...

When lwas born,
there was a big shining star.

So my father decided
to name me Luzineide.

But everybody call me Luzia.

Iwas born in Brasilia,

TRADERS WANT NO CONSTRUCTION
on April 37, 1970.

Iwas two palms long and
weighed almost 6,5 pounds.

Iwas so tiny, that mom thought
lwasn't going to make It.

ME

My fathercame from Rio de
Janeiro to work as an engineer...

to build up Brasilia.

He was one of those men
who built this clty.

DADDY

My father came from Bahia as
a bricklayerto build up Brasilia.

He was one of those men
who built this clty.

MY DAD

DADDY

MY DAD

MOMMY
My motherworked at home.

She was a housewife.

My motherworked for a family.

MY MOM
She was a housemaid.

I rememberthat my first
present was a Ilttle piano.

Then I started
enjoying music.

Later I changed the piano for
a flute, the flute for a clarinet...

the clarinet for a gultar, the gultar
for a sax and the sax for a harp.

Wow,but in the end
I became a violinist.

My first present was an
old pan from my mother.

Using a spoon and the pan
I played music the whole day.

I became very good at It. Maybe
that's why I like music so much.

But in the end
I became housemaid.

Nowadays I use pans just to cook,
but I'm a very good cook.

-Hey, kids! Good morning.
-Good morning, Luzia.

I've always dreamt
of finding a prince...

and living
in a distant country.

He had to be brave,a warrior,
wlth a crown of light.

But instead I married Flavio.
He owned a small bank.

When the bank broke,
he became richer.

That's the way
It is in Brazil.

My dream was to find a blond
prince and live far away.

He had to be
gentle and kind...

kiss my feet and call me goddess.
0f course I didn't get any of that.

I ended up marring Bugre,
a soccer player.

He was always in the field,
sltting on the bench.

-What 's going on?
-I'm teaching the kids to dance.

-What about my music?
-It bothers a little, but that 's okay.

We want to dance!

This noise ruins the brain cells.
Go play outside in the sun.

-Sun causes skin cancer.
-Yeah!

Would you rather have skin
cancer or your butts kicked?

Skin cancer.

Go on. Change your clothes,
daddy will be here soon.

He's always late.

Are the kids going out
with Mr. Flavio?

Yes, we changed the schedule.
This is his weekend.

Good! I can get out earlier!
Have my nails done.

But leave something ready,
in case Flavio comes late.

-lf he comes!
-He's right!

He picks up the kids just on the
weekends to go out and have fun.

But who helps with the homework?
Who has to rule everything?

-I do!
-Who?

-You.
-See? What 's an ex for?

I'd rather be widow
than divorced.

Dead husband gives no headache
and leaves inheritance.

Ex spoils the kids with gifts
and pays the alimony late. sh*t.

My ex is worse.
He asks me for money.

-He's been calling me...
-The handsome exploiter?

That 's him.
I only hope he is not in trouble.

You know, he is worse than
your two kids together.

Luzia, did you see my violin?

-Luzia!
-Ma'am!

-Where is the orchestra violin?
-It 's over there.

-Are you going out?
-I've got rehearsal. Be back soon.

Can you leave the money for the bus?
If Mr. Flavio comes before you...

...I can go.
-I'll be back soon.

Bring something for the kids.
Everything's lacking.

-Did you make a list?
-It 's everything!

The Congress' duty to...

Time in Brasilia...

The knowledge and wisdom
of this world create science...

Good morning foryou who is
listening to Brasilia Station.

The one that is a sensation!

A good morning foryou. A good
new century and new millenium.

New millenium...
My life's still the same.

Now we'll listen to the
horoscope wlth Arthur...

the one who predicts
your future.

Arthur, what are the
predictions for Taurus?

Taurus!

Good morning,my Taurus friend,
you will have a very especial day.

To start,be careful
wlth the obstacles.

You'll find many traps on
yourway. But keep going!

Regarding your health,
be carefulwlth the flu.

But don't give up,It's gonna
be a great day foryou.

All planets are aligned
in your sign.

And you'll have a great
opportunlty to change.

-I can't believe it.
-Finally...

finally your prince
charming may show up.

I don't believe it!

And you may be invlted
to travel to a distant country.

-I don't believe it.
-But you should believe It!

Today is the first day
of the rest of your life.

Now he's overdone!

My Taurus friend,
stop living from the past.

Fell free to meet new people.
Have falth in people.

Come on, madam! Come on!
There's room enough.

Come! A little bit more.

That 's perfect.
Can I wash the car?

I need so much
to change my life.

Gee, what if that
astrologer is right?

lwanted so much to believe.

If I'm going to find my soul
mate today,he must be here.

From the beginning.

Which one of them is
my prince charming?

Baptist,as all pianists,
is too vain.

Tobias, the tuba player,
is too fat.

Joaquim, the flutist,
is cute,but too thin.

Lino, the violinist,
is cool,but a Ilttle fool.

Marcelo, the cellist,
is nice...

but I think he loves Ze,
who plays oboe.

Then Simao, who plays cymbal,
and Tim, who plays timbal.

But if they wanted to rehearse
in my house,I'd go crazy.

The rest of them.
just forget It.

The only one left is
Helstrom, the conductor.

Unfortunately he lives in Sweden
and in a week he's leaving.

Walt! Maybe this is It!The prince
charming and the trip abroad.

He's going to fall in love wlth
me and we're going to Sweden.

I love winter,
It's going to be great.

Not to mention, the kids
would learn a new language.

Yes, that's It!

Helstrom,get ready.
Louise will nail you!

I bought a great shampoo.
My hair is so silky.

-I can give you the name of it.
-Sure.

-Do you want a ride?
-Thank you, but I'm staying.

-See you!
-See you tomorrow.

I've got to find a way
to talk to Helstrom.

I can't walt for him to come and
talk to me. It will never happen.

Louise, you played
very well today.

No! Anyone would do the same,
after studying for 2O years.

-You're so modest.
-Too modest.

I don't know anyone
more modest than me.

What a stupid thing to say.
Did he notice?

-She has a beautiful stupid smile.
-How do you like Brasilia?

It has a nice architecture,
but I don't see people around.

-There's nobody on the streets.
-It 's true, but you get used to it.

There's no downtown,
there are no corners, no cafes...

-Let 's have a cup of coffee?
-Sure.

That 's what I love in our work,
traveling the world.

I've been in Salvador for two days.
What a wonderful place.

-It reminds me of... Africa.
-What would be his sign?

-Yes, please?
-Two coffees.

-Are you Gemini?
-No, I'm the only son.

No, I mean your horoscope
sign. When is your birthday?

-October, 24.
-Scorpion.

Perfect for Taurus.

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

What do you think
about the rehearsals?

I think we're doing well,
but something is missing.

The Brazilian spice.

Spice?

Something like "acaraje",
"tutu", "feijoada"...

I'm getting hungry with all this.
Let 's have lunch.

Today? My kids are at home.

-And your husband too?
-I'm divorced.

Great! I'm crazy
to eat homemade food.

Since I arrived, I've been eating
in restaurants and fast food.

-Today at 2:OO o'clock?
-Sure. Why not?

What am I going to do now?

-Does It take chops?
-Yeah!

-Does It take ears?
-Yeah!

-Does It take tails?
-Sure!

Then It's a feijoada!

A good feijoada
Has to be greasy

And very fat

To be the real feijoada
You have to prepare a big pot

It'll never leave yourthought

Feijoada is the best
It can be indigestible

And unforgettable

During winter or summer
It can be indigestible

And unforgettable

Feijoada is the best
If It takes jerked beef

Tail and loin

Beans and sausage
0range and meal

Ear and tail
Some chops

Manioc and an ambulance
0utside your door

See? This is real music.
Not that thing your mother plays.

What she really knows
how to play are cards.

Mr. Flavio hasn't shown up.
Did you bring something for the kids?

Not now! I've got something
very important to do.

But there is a toilet
down here!

Let's see if the cards
will show the same thing.

The Emperor!
He must be the king of Sweden.

The Empress, Queen Silvia.

The trip is confirmed.

The Devil must be Helstrom.

Who is this lunatic, Flavio?

And all these spices? What does
spice have to do with the Swedish?

It's so quiet here.

I think the cards are saying that
to meet the king and the queen...

I must prepare a devil's spice to
make the Swedish crazy about me!

Which means I have to prepare
a delicious homemade dish.

And for a Swedish
homemade food means...

the salmon in the freezer!

I came as fast as possible.

I'm not allowed to light candles
to my saints, but you are!

My saints are not Africans,
they're Hindus.

-You have to help me.
-That 's all I do.

You have to make a great dish...

...to my Swedish conductor.
-Sorry?

The astrologer said today
I'll meet my prince.

Dear God! You did believe
in what that radioman said!

But it worked! A Swedish
prince is coming for lunch.

-A prince is coming here?
-He's not a real prince...

he's a conductor prince.
But that 's good enough.

Excuse me, Mrs. Louise.

But is it possible that the
Swedish prince is Mr. Flavio?

No, I don't think so.

Louise, don't you understand?
I'm not your prince charming.

Don't you see that I am
your prince charming?

Princes don't borrow money
and after 2 months ask for more.

I don't believe
princes really exist!

But I do! That 's why
I want a great lunch!

-I'm cooking a feijoada.
-Feijoada? The one with chops?

-Yes.
-Ear?

-Yes.
-Tail?

-Sure!
-Isn't it too strong?

For me food is strong only
when you can't carry the plate.

-I'd better prepare the salmon.
-The feijoada is almost ready.

I know, darling.
But salmon is much more stylish.

Today is our first date.

I must show him my
skills, my curriculum.

I never show my curriculum
on the first date.

First dates are like
dancing a tango.

If one takes a step forward,
the other takes a step back.

If one takes a step back,
the other takes a step forward.

I prefer forro. If you take a step
forward, then heat is on.

What really matters is that this
lunch will change our lives.

But you can't set such
an important lunch like this!

Besides it 's my day off.

Day off? No way, Luzia!

You must help me. I've got
a good feeling about this.

Then ask your feeling to
help you in the kitchen.

Because I'm going
to my manicure.

No! Luzia!

-Let me play a little bit?
-No, it 's mine.

-Give me that!
-Let it go!

-I want it!
-No!

-Give me that!
-It 's going to crash down! No!

So do you want to go
to Sweden or not?

-lf you go, are you taking me?
-Of course.

-And what is it like?
-It 's a beautiful country.

It snows all the time.
Everybody is blond and rich...

...and the queen is Brazilian.
-The queen is Brazilian?

Yeah, she was a hostess,
met the king and married him.

If a hostess married a king,
a housemaid can marry...

A baron, a count, a marquis...
And they are all blond.

Well, I hate cold weather,
but I love blond men.

My nose!

Tomas! My God!

-I didn't do it.
-My son is bleeding!

-I didn't do it.
-Go get the medicine book!

-I think he'll need plaster.
-It 's ice, Mom.

My darling, mom is here.
My darling!

Luzia, hurry up!
Is it hurting?

-Let me see.
-Hold him. I'll check the book.

It 's all written here.
Where is it? "Broken nose"...

No, "pool accident".

-Where is the index?
-That 's all right.

"Asthma, bronchitis,
diarrhea, glaucoma...

leprosy, psychosis"...
No, this is for me.

"Rheumatism, syphilis,
tuberculosis"...

There's nothing in this book!

It 's alright now.
It stopped.

Without the book?
How did you do it?

Mrs. Louise...

you can read, so you
learn from the books.

I can't read, so I learn by
practicing. For instance...

you can read a cookbook,
but you can't cook.

-I can't read, but I'm a great cook.
-Are you saying I can't cook?

All you can is to open tuna cans.
But you're great at it!

So you think I am theory
and you are practice.

That 's it.
Theory and practice.

Then I'll prepare the salmon
and you stay with the kids.

Let 's see if the Swedish will
prefer my light salmon...

or your feijoada
full of cholesterol.

Food with cholesterol
tastes good.

Impertinent! She dares
to defy the Great Louise!

I'll teach her!

It 's so hard to find
a good maid.

It 's so hard to find
a good mistress.

I let her stay only
because of the kids.

-I stay only because of the kids.
-Let 's swim, Luzia.

No, your mom is expecting
an important visit today.

I can't find
anything in here!

She'll mess up the whole kitchen!

Soon she'll be calling for me!

Yes, ma'am.

-Can we swim?
-I don't care.

Put on your bathing suit now.

My dear God! It looks like
there was a tornado here.

Luzia, I can't find anything.
Where is the fish flatware?

-And that exists?
-Yes, it 's in the cutlery case.

-Cutlery case?
-That big red box.

Yeah, I'll go get it.

Mom, Luzia said that we can swim.
Are you coming with us?

-No, I'm very busy.
-Why is daddy taking so long?

-Maybe he's busy.
-Why are the adults always busy?

Huh, Mom?

I'm too busy to answer that.

I brought everything you
may need. Let 's go.

Let 's go.

God, this is so beautiful.

Pay attention and learn.

These are to eat meat,
these are to eat fish.

And we don't eat chicken?

My marriage gifts.
It 's all that 's left from it.

The kids, the cutlery case...

The house, the car, the rugs.

Rich people love to complain.

I got married in the cathedral.
It was so beautiful.

I got married
in a nice backyard.

Father Marmelo did the ceremony.
There were even ministers there.

Mother Irani and
her ministry did my ceremony.

My honeymoon was
in San Francisco.

Mine was by the river
San Francisco.

My dress cost a fortune!
When I got divorced I almost sold it.

Mine was very cheap.
I bought it in a second-hand store.

Despite of Flavio's money,
I wasn't happy.

All I wanted was a simple life.
Money can't buy you happiness.

Only if you don't
have enough.

-Mom!
-Who's gonna blow up the whale?

-Come on, Luzia.
-We want Luzia!

Alright, she's coming.
Go on, soon Flavio will be here.

I'm going to finish
up the salmon.

Flavio, corrupt!

Flavio is always late
for everything!

He arrived home late, he's always
late to pick up the kids, never...

Now you're going to listen to me!
Finally you're here, you creep!

Sorry?

It 's a Brazilian way to say I
was anxious for you to come.

That 's a very strange
way to say it.

Thank you!

-You have a big house.
-My ex earns a lot money.

-What does he do?
-He's a corrupt banker.

-Corrupt?
-He's a kind of magician...

but he uses
numbers instead of rabbits.

Some multiply, others disappear.
It 's very common here in Brasilia.

I arrived too early.
I thought it was farther, but it wasn't.

I'm in the kitchen,
but make yourself at home.

My kids are in the swimming pool.
I'll be right back.

What a beautiful garden!

So many varieties.

-Mom's friend.
-What a great view of the Congress.

-He's so white.
-The stores sector...

the Ministries.

Such a long hair.

The banks sector over there
and the whores sector.

I feel everything
is going to work out.

I can imagine myself
in Sweden.

How did you like my salmon,
Queen Silvia?

Marvelous. Later you teach
me how to prepare it.

-Come on, it 's not that good.
-Don't be so modest.

I'm the queen of Sweden,
but you're the kitchen's queen.

Here I come!

I'll get you!
I'll get you!

The visit 's already here!

Nice to meet you.
I'm the conductor...

Clothes are like a woman's
second body.

That 's why we take so long.
If we had no choice on the first...

at least we try our
best on the second.

Dear God, Mrs. Louise is going
to k*ll me. I'm so sorry.

It 's alright.
It 's hot anyway.

I'm Helstrom, the conductor.

-Nice to meet you. I'm Luzia.
-She's our maid.

Secretary of household
management.

This used to fit
me 5 years ago.

Too classic.

Too explicit!

Too explicit also.

It has to be something sexy
pretending to be discreet.

Something that att*cks
pretending to defend.

That 's it!

The conversation
is very nice, but...

...I'm freezing.
-I'll go get you a robe.

Creams are like
our second skin.

The make-up works
a second face.

And the perfume,
a second smell.

Only with all these things
I can be what I really am.

-What 's it, Luzia?
-The Swedish needs clothes.

-Clothes?
-Do you want him to stay naked?

-Not yet. But what 's happened?
-It was hot and he jumped in.

Helstrom jumped
naked in the pool?

These Swedish...

What a large shoe.

Girl!

Let it go!

-Help!
-Here it is, Mr. Hestro.

-Here is the robe. There it is.
-Thank you.

You'll feel warm now.
I brought you this. Do you know it?

-Caipirinha.
-Caipirinha?

-Right.
-Thank you.

-It 's strong.
-It 's good.

-Aren't you going to drink?
-Since you offered...

-The ghost 's wallet.
-Thank you. Kid!

-Go wash yourselves.
-We already did!

In the shower.

-I'm so sorry.
-I love children.

These are my children.

They're so cute.
You have two?

What do they want to study?

She wants to be a lawyer
and he wants to be a doctor.

-And what about these kids?
-He wants to be an ET.

-What about her?
-She already is.

-Go get a shower! Go get a shower!
-That sucks.

-Now Marina!
-I'm not going!

-You take good care of them.
-I'm very well trained.

-Did you study for it?
-No, I took care of my sisters.

-How many brothers do you have?
-No brothers, only 5 sisters.

-What do they do nowadays?
-One works with agriculture.

It 's Juvaneide.

She chose to live a calm
life in the country.

Waldineide is
in the trade business.

Import and export.

Marineide,
who had so much faith...

became a religious person.
She's like a kind of nun.

The youngest, Risoneide,
works recycling things.

And the most beautiful one,
Gilneide, is in...

the public-relation business.

-What a happy family.
-Yeah.

Everybody works.

-Are you going to give us a bath?
-Where is Luzia?

She's in the pool
with her friend.

And where is your wife?

She d*ed.

-Poor lady.
-I still remember her in the box.

-You mean, in the coffin.
-No, really in the box.

She was run over by a boat
in the Stockholm Channel...

and the propeller chopped
her into little pieces.

So we put each piece
in a box like this.

That 's a sad story.
At least it was easy to carry.

That 's true.

Don't you think about marrying
again? Finding another woman?

No woman will ever be like Hilda.

Why was she so special?

She was so happy, she sang...

she knew how to take care of the
children and she smelled like...

...like something I've never felt.
-Still with the bathing suit on?

-It 's too hot.
-Go put your uniform.

-Since when do I wear uniform?
-Put anything. We've got a visit.

Ok, but I won't wear uniform
in Sweden. He's got two kids.

What about this robe?

-I've decided to swim.
-You look good in it.

Really? So I may conduct
the orchestra like this.

You better not.
The musicians will get confused.

Sorry?

Forget it. It 's a joke.

I was going to bring French wine,
but I brought caipirinha.

It 's a Brazilian drink
and it 's much better.

I have a good
feeling about this.

I can even imagine
myself in Sweden.

You liked my feijoada,
didn't you, Queen Silvia?

It 's delicious, Luzia. Not even
mom could prepare it so greasy.

And you never thought
about marrying again?

No, never.
Love is like measles.

You only have it once.
Twice is impossible.

I think it 's like rheumatism,
you can't get out of bed.

Or like tuberculosis,
we can't breath.

Or like a flu, it happens
when you least expect.

Or like hepatitis, you don't
feel like doing anything.

Or like leprosy,
takes us piece by piece.

Cheers!

What do l wear

To dance Samba
Wlth you everywhere?

Let me see.

This one used to fit me
when I was thinner.

This is for the Secretary
of the Treasure.

This is for a pagode dancer.

This is just to k*ll
my curiosity.

This one!

You seem to be a man who
knows all about love.

I have a theory.

My theory says
that every woman...

is like a music.

For instance: there are tragic
and determined women...

like an Argentinean tango.

There are others who are
weepy and have sad stories...

like a bolero.

There are others
very happy...

like a salsa!

There are others heavy like
rock or soft like a waltz.

The secret is finding a woman
with the rhythm you like.

And what rhythm do you like?

I've been interested
in tropical rhythms.

-So do you like timbalada?
-What are you doing here?

-I've never heard it.
-It 's nonsense.

-It 's better than caipirinha.
-Then it must be great.

-Is this your uniform?
-It 's cute.

It 's Flavio. Answer it,
but don't let him come out here.

-Ma'am.
-So where were we?

Hi, Mr. Flavio. The kids
are ready, I'll go get them.

-I'm coming in.
-No, you aren't.

-I want to talk to her.
-No.

-Isn't she home?
-Yes... I mean, no.

-Is she home or not?
-She is not.

-Now I remembered. She is here.
-Alone?

I don't know.

She and the Swedish conductor are
in the pool. He's wearing a robe.

Swedish? Excuse me!

Hi! Let me introduce you.
This is the conductor Helstrom.

-Nice to meet you. You are...
-The ex.

The corrupt one!
It 's a pleasure.

Corrupt and owner of this robe.
See? Flavio Moreira Izzola.

Sure, sure! Nice robe.

A little too small for me,
but very nice.

-Can I talk to you?
-I've got a visit.

I'm sure he won't mind.

-Luzia!
-Yes, madam.

Please, keep him company
while I talk to Flavio.

-Should we go in or stay here?
-Whatever.

Mr. Hestro, I think we
have to stay in there.

-May I have one more caipirinha?
-Caipirinha?

-How can you do that in my house?
-You ex-house.

-You are my wife!
-Ex-wife.

-And with my robe!
-Ex-robe.

No way! It has my name on!

But you forgot it here when
you left to live with Priscila.

That 's another subject I
wanted to talk about.

-What subject?
-I can't stand Priscila anymore.

Now that she's 18,
she's too old for you.

It doesn't work. She hasn't seen
"Charlie's Angels", "Heart to Heart"!

Take it easy, she's young.
It will be over soon.

-I want to come back.
-Sorry?

Come back, stay with you!

I want to be home for lunch, for
dinner, to take the kids to school.

I want to argue with you,
because I forgot our anniversary...

because of the toothpaste.

I want to feel guilty for going
out to drink with my friends.

It 's like this, Mr. Hestro.

-So you like music?
-Sure.

And you really like caipirinha.
Should I prepare another one?

If I drink one more,
I'll start saying bullshit.

-Nobody will notice.
-I'll say that you're very pretty.

Then I'll fix you a double one.

If love was a disease,
which one would it be?

Jigger. It bothers, but
it 's so good to scratch.

-You have a beautiful foot.
-Not only one, two!

Let 's live like
in the old times.

It 's too late. I'm going to
Sweden with Helstrom.

-Sweden?
-It 's a wonderful country.

Sweden?

I've always dreamt
of living overseas.

Sweden?
Did he invite you to go?

-No, but it 's just a matter of time.
-And the children?

They're going. By the way, they've
been waiting for hours. Go get them.

Here he comes.

-Hi, kids.
-Finally!

I'm late. I was very
busy and I still am.

So you'll have
to wait for me.

What about a video?
Look what you have, "Bambi"!

I knew this was
going to happen.

He will never change.

So everybody in
Sweden is blond?

They're blond, with blue eyes
and handsome like me.

But it 's a very cold country.

I was telling Luzia what I really
like about Brazilian people...

is this closeness.

People touch each
other, embrace...

I remember the day I arrived
in Brazil, at the airport.

People were kissing and hugging.
I got scared.

In "Red Hiding Hood",
the grandma is devoured by a wolf.

In "Snow White", the princess
is poisoned by the stepmother...

No, that 's too sad.

Hansel and Gretel are eaten
by a cannibal witch.

-That 's gross!
-It 's horrible, children.

We want to watch
"1O1 Bloody Crimes".

It 's our favorite!

Really?

I've never kissed so
many people in my life.

When it ended,
my lips were tired.

Luzia, go check the salmon.

I know nothing
about this fish.

Excuse me.
Come here.

Salmon's a fish from the
American and European coasts.

It has long shape, head...

I hate when she talks
like an encyclopedia.

-I just pretend to be listening.
-...with green nuances.

I know she hates when I talk like
that. But I do It to provoke her.

And you really provoke me.
You're the best at It.

Thank you,darling.

They're carnivorous, live in the
sea, ascend the rivers to breed.

Something is burning.

How do you like my salmon,
Queen Silvia?

It doesn't taste so bad.

Don't be so modest. This is the
worst salmon I've ever eaten.

Cut her head off!
Cut her head off!

Be merciful, majesty!
Helstrom!

Mrs. Louise, you really know
everything about salmon.

-Except how to cook it.
-Theory, practice.

-It 's smelling bad, isn't it?
-Mom is cooking again.

-Hey, Swedish!
-Helstrom.

You're interested in Louise?

-She's an interesting woman.
-When she's sober, she's great.

-Does she drink?
-Only 3 times a week.

-At least she gave up dr*gs.
-dr*gs?

It 's all going wrong!

The Swedish, the salmon, Flavio,
the devil, the lunatic, all them!

Don't worry,
I'll finish the feijoada.

That 's it! The feijoada
is going to save me!

What would I do without you?

Starve to death in a completely
messed-up house.

You don't have
to say the truth.

Don't worry, she's almost
completely healed.

-I see.
-And she's calmer too.

-Is she nervous?
-She used to be.

-Let 's make this feijoada.
-You're the boss here.

Before that take...

caipirinha for the Swedish.
He needs it.

Alright, I'll do that.

Feijoada is the best
It can be indigestible

She tried to k*ll herself because
I didn't say her dress was nice.

-Nice dress.
-Thank you.

And to show my appreciation,
I'll serve you another caipirinha.

What are you
still doing here?

The kids didn't want to go out,
so I decided to stay for lunch...

and have a little chat
with Mr. Restro.

I'll be right back.

Forty-eight... forty-nine...

Hi, kids.
Aren't you going out?

-We're watching a movie.
-But your father is here.

He can take you to the circus.
You'll see clowns, animals...

-Dinosaurs?
-No.

-Laser-sword battles?
-I don't think so.

-That 's boring.
-No, maybe...

maybe the lions
will eat the tamer!

That 's cool.

Wait. There are more 49
crimes to go, then we leave.

That 's too many.
Aren't you hungry?

-Daddy can take you to the park.
-What is there to eat?

-Cotton candy.
-That 's all?

No, there is popcorn,
chocolate, candies...

-And foot?
-And ear?

-Chops?
-Of course not.

-No tail?
-No.

Then we want to eat here.

Now excuse us.
We want to watch the film.

What do you like most in a woman?
I like the soft skin.

-I like the hair.
-Nice lips.

-Thick thighs.
-Delicate hands.

-Soft voice.
-The feijoada is almost ready!

-Are you hungry, Helstrom?
-Sure!

Soft voice is very important.

Luzia, things are not happening
the way I planned.

Is Helstrom really
my prince or is he a frog?

-How do we sense that?
-Your heart beats fast.

-That is a stroke.
-And how do you sense it?

-I get dizzy.
-That is hunger.

I only know that mine
will crawl to my feet.

And mine will be a warrior
with a crown of light.

Maybe this whole prince
story is bullshit.

Sometimes the frog is nice and
the prince is a pain in the ass.

There's a strange man outside.
Go see what he wants.

-Can you keep stirring it?
-Sure.

-Do you know how?
-Sure. To the right or left side?

-Sorry?
-It doesn't matter.

-Bugre?
-Here I am!

-God, today it 's ex day!
-Did you miss me?

Not at all. I just recognized you
because of the black eyebrows.

-Don't you invite me in?
-No!

-We need to talk, my blackie.
-I'm not yours neither blackie.

-I'm brunette.
-What 's going on?

Hi, I'm Bugre.

-And what do you want?
-To work. He's a waiter.

When you told me about
the lunch, I called a waiter.

-He works for the Itamaraty.
-And how much will he charge?

Nothing. He owes me a favor.

-Go change your clothes.
-I didn't bring anything.

Go on!

I thought he was a Swedish,
but he's a goblin.

I'll fight for Louise.

She's the woman of my life.

I want my wife back,
my kids, my house...

my boat, my car,
my paintings!

-Is this a joke or what?
-You have to try it on.

You must look like a waiter.
I know! The Swedish clothes.

It 's too tight.

It 's good enough
for you, bastard.

-My necklace.
-Let me take care of this.

-Don't you wanna know why I came?
-I'm afraid of asking.

Come on, ask.

What are you doing here?

-Let 's go to Bolivia with me?
-Bolivia?

-A soccer team wants to hire me.
-Bolivia?

-You'll live in another country.
-Bolivia?

It 's a nice country.

-Better than Sweden?
-It 's different.

-Everybody is blond and rich?
-No.

-Does it have queen and king?
-Of course not.

-I'm not interested.
-It 's going to be great.

-I need time to think.
-How long?

About fifty years.

God! Why did the slaves create
such a complicated dish?

Just cook it in lower heat.

It 's easy for you to say.
Your grandparents were slaves.

Theory, practice.

If Louise and I
stay together...

I'll never look to
another woman again.

What a cute baby!

-Please!
-You're crazy!

Crazy about you.

Your girlfriend didn't want
to go with you to Bolivia?

Yeah. I mean, you are
the first one I asked.

-Make another caipirinha.
-Yes.

-I can squeeze the lemons.
-No, I'll squeeze them.

-What was that?
-He got lemon juice in the eyes.

-You almost k*lled our children.
-You're lucky I hadn't the squeezer.

Take this while I
finish the caipirinha.

-What are you looking for?
-The table.

Come with me, I'll help you.

That 's it, Mr. Hestro!

That 's it, Mr. Hestro!

Didn't you drink enough?

I just had four.

-What 's your name again?
-Bugre.

-I want to know your real name.
-It 's Bugre Pereira dos Santos.

-My parents were Indians.
-Really?

No, I'm kidding.
My dad worked as a mechanic...

and named me after that
American car called buggy.

But it 's nicer to say my
parents were Indians.

Do you know that you are
a very pretty woman?

-Do you really think so?
-I sure do.

In Sweden there
are not many...

dark-skin women like you.

I think the caipirinha
has blurred your eyes.

It blurred my eyes...

but it opened my heart!

It opened your heart
and your hand too!

I'm so sorry,
I lost control!

Forgive me!

If I knew you'd do this,
I'd have put better sandals on.

Kn*fe on the right side, fork
on the left... Are you a waiter?

In the spare time.
I'm really a center forward.

And what is that?

Mrs. Louise, the center
forward is a special man.

A man whose duty is making goals.
A center forward is like a priest.

The soccer game is my god,
and I'm his priest.

There are many kinds of center
forward. Some are very fast...

and some are slow,
some use their head...

and some use their
body to dribble.

Some just move around like
this fooling the others.

Some center forwards fight for
the ball with the quarterback.

He pushes, pulls the shirt,
the hair, he bites...

My God!

My dear God!

-You're kissing my feet?
-Forgive me.

I'm feeling dizzy.

Mr. Hestro!

He kicks it...

But what I really like are
the fine center forwards.

The ones who are so light
that is seems they can float.

My heart is b*ating fast.
Is It a stroke?

The ball comes...

His hair looks like
a crown of light.

That 's the center forward,
the others are just men.

The center-forward player is
either an angel or a devil.

I didn't know the center
forward was all that.

Few people know about
our magnificence.

Do you want one?

Is he the lunatic
from the cards?

It 's enough, Mr. Hestro.

-It 's enough, Mr. Hestro.
-What is this?

-He is kissing my feet.
-What does that mean?

-Maybe it 's a ritual from Sweden.
-How can he stand the bad odor?

-What bad odor?
-Make him stop, or he'll die.

-Come here.
-That 's the same smell Hilda had.

-Alright, sit here.
-Why don't you try mine?

-Stop that!
-Are you flirting with him?

He's not bad.

What about me?
Look, I'm blond too.

-You're unfaithful!
-That 's not true!

-Do you want me to name them?
-You don't have to!

Meire, the nurse,
Solange, the secretary...

Angela, the stripper,
Rubia, the circus dwarf...

Norma, the police woman,
Carla, my hairdresser...

-Sorry.
-It 's okay.

-See? Destiny wants to unite us.
-Only our noses.

It 's the beginning,
the rest we can do.

-I'm gonna slap your face.
-Does that mean no?

-Wait. I'll give you jewels.
-I already have.

-I'll buy you a car. A house.
-I already have.

-A home theater?
-I already have that too.

See? I gave you everything.

-Not everything.
-What is missing?

-A partner.
-I'll buy you a dog.

And Fatima, the nun!

-They were substitute players.
-But they played more than I.

-But playing with you was great.
-And the score was always zero.

What are you saying?

You're getting old.

You don't play with pride.

You don't have the
same shape anymore.

Your penetration
is getting weak.

You know what?
You're losing your balls.

I'm going to the kitchen.

I like your clothes.

Sit here.

Take a little nap.

-Love.
-It 's so hard to please you.

What can I do to
have you back?

Try to kiss her feet. That 's what
the Swedish was doing to Luzia.

-Who is this guy?
-I'm a center-forward waiter.

He's helping Luzia.
What did you say about...?

He was drunk,
now he's sleeping.

-That 's absurd!
-Absurd is these men in my house.

Absurd is the Swedish
kissing my girl's feet.

Absurd is he showing up after
2 years to take me to Bolivia.

Absurd is to discuss
this in here.

-They're screaming.
-That 's absurd.

I've got confused.

Now you'll taste
my special feijoada.

Feijoada is a typical
Brazilian dish.

It 's just black beans, but
made with sophistication.

Here she comes talking like
an encyclopedia again.

And the worst is to say
that she made It.

-I mean, Luzia helped me a lot.
-Now It's better.

Luzia and Mr. Bugre are
not eating with us?

-At the table?
-Where else?

Of course! I was just going to
say it. Bugre, Luzia, please.

Louise, are you insane?
The servants are eating with us?

-It must be a custom in Sweden.
-But...

He'll think we are Third World.
Sit down and shut up.

Make yourselves at home.
Let 's eat.

-Do you know farofa?
-Farofa?

-It 's very good.
-No.

Luzia's feijoada is delicious.
And that Bugre too.

I think Mrs. Louise wants
to play wlth me.

And playingwlth a center
forward ends up in goal.

She left me for a Swedish.

I'm gonna k*ll myself.
No,I'll just drink a beer.

This Swedish is too whlte,
but he's charming.

I don't know which one is better:
the black beans orthe dark girl.

It's good to have
divorced parents.

Yeah, we get two
birthday presents.

Does Bugre find Luzia
prettierthan me?

Does the Swedish find
Mrs. Louise prettierthan me?

Louise has pretty breasts,
but Luzia has...

A wonderful ass.
If we could...

We would join
half of each one.

I know this is bad for my
heart,but I can't stopeating.

I know this is bad for
my liver,but I can't stop.

Why is everyone so quiet?

They're quiet because
my food is great.

Not only great, wonderful.

I've got no chance. Mrs. Louise
wouldn't marry a soccer player.

Iwish lwere born a banker.

Iwould like to be a conductor.

I really wanted to be
a soccer player.

If I knew how to play violin!

If I knew how to cook.

I just hope mom doesn't
ask us to play after lunch.

I think I'll ask the kids to play
something after lunch.

I hope she chooses
a cheerful song.

I'll ask the kids to play
Bach for us, after lunch.

People say it 's a sad song,
but I love it.

-That sucks.
-That sucks.

-That sucks.
-That sucks.

Children!

Jesus, Bugre. You really got
touched by the music.

It reminds me of my childhood
when I worked in dad's mortuary.

But wasn't he a mechanic?

When mom d*ed,
he changed to a mortuary.

I'm going to ask. Mom, can
we play a music with Luzia?

No, my darlings.
She doesn't play anything.

Yes, she does.
The pan!

It 's better not. It could
be boring for our guest.

Not at all. I've never heard
anyone playing a pan.

I'll go get it!

Pans wlth warped cover,
golden pans...

We're in your neighborhood
to solve your problems.

Music,music
It's not just forthe rich

Music,music
It's for poor people too

Music,music
It's not just forthe rich

Music,music
It's for poor people too

Some people believe
Music is only violin

But music Itself can be
Played wlth pans and bells

Some people believe
That only rich people smile

But even wlthout teeth
The poor people also laugh

Music,music
It's not just forthe rich

Music,music
It's for poor people too

Music,music
It's not just forthe rich

Music,music
It's for poor people too

A pan has many utillties

To cook, to play

And if your husband
comes home very late

You can hlt him wlth It

Music,music
It's not just forthe rich

Music,music
It's for poor people too

Music,music
It's not just forthe rich

Music,music
It's for poor people too

Made of brass or zinc
Made of iron or bronze

A pan means everything
Forthe poor human beings

Made of brass or zinc
Made of iron or bronze

A pan means everything
Forthe poor human beings

Made of brass or zinc!

That 's it! That 's what I need!

A pan? I didn't know
you like to cook!

Not to cook! It 's
for the orchestra!

-Are you joking?
-Of course not.

This is the spice we needed.
The spice you've mentioned.

-But I don't know how to play it.
-But she does.

You are a virtuoso.

Forget it! I'm not
since I was 15!

What I mean is that you are
a very talented woman.

If you say so,
I have to agree.

Are we playing in
the same orchestra?

No. There is place
for a single soloist.

I bet she's thinking about me.

Is Bugre coming or not?

Has it started yet?

Has it started?

That place is mine.

Hi, center forward.

I thought he didn't
like classic music.

I don't like classic music,
but I like classy women.

I knew the Brazilian spice
was going to work.

-Where is daddy?
-He's coming.

-What if he doesn't come?
-He's coming. Look, there he is.

Hi, everybody.
Sorry I'm late.

...I had to stop by... the hospital.
-What happened?

I just felt from the jet ski.

One minute to finish the game!
It 's now or never! Take it easy.

-Bye, Dad!
-Bye, Son. Bye.

Listen, send me the news!

Infraero informs:
flight 171 to Cochabamba.

The plane has
a flat-tire problem.

Hi,Mrs. Louise,here in
Sweden is very cold...

and I just had time
to wrlte you today.

I miss the kids a lot.

Now I have two kids too.
Ingrid and Ingmar.

Both are so blond,
they are so cute.

-No, no, later.
-Come on, Luzia!

Not Luzia.
Say "mommy".

-Mommy.
-Go take a shower. Both!

They don't like
taking a shower.

Hels and I are doing fine.

He's not so good in bed,
but he's very gentle.

And every night before
we go to bed...

he kisses my feet and
calls me goddess.

0ne of these days,I had
lunch wlth Queen Silvia.

She's real and so nice that
she doesn't seem to be a queen.

We ate salmon and I knew
how to use the flatware.

Helstrom, it 's for fish.

She asked me to make a feijoada.
If I have time left I'll make It.

I've been very busy playing
pan in the orchestra.

He's really my prince charming.
Do you know that saying:

Everyone has a soul mate?
He is mine.

0ne more thing: as no one here
can say Luzineide nor Luzia...

I've changed my name.

My name is Louise Helstrom!

Hi,Luzia. Here in Bolivia
is everything fine too.

What are you doing with
this animals in the garden?

They eat everything!
Mrs. Louise!

Too typical.

Go wash your hands!
What an idea!

It snows here, the kids are
learning another language...

...and I'm learning to cook.
-Mrs. Louise!

Too stylish.

You look great and the Bolivians
are waiting. Let 's go.

The kids miss you a lot too.

Bugre and lwill go to Machu Picchu,
and I'll send them to you.

Come on.

Now you'll try
my delicious turkey.

Turkey is a Christmas's
specialty.

It 's served with
banana and farofa.

-It 's completely b*rned, madam.
-Not that much.

My wife loves to burn the turkey
on Christmas. Let 's make a toast.

-It 's not b*rned.
-A toast, my "cosita".

-Cosita no.
-Yes. Cosita.

To Cochabamba!

To Bolivia!

I'm crazy!

Bugre is doing great in the
Cochabamba Soccer Team.

He's running as never
and playing full of pride.

He gained back his penetration
and he's in great shape.

He's the expert forward.
The idol of the fans.

Specially the female fans.

He's really the prince
of my dreams.

He's a warrior and defeats all
the enemies, the quarterbacks.

It's just like that saying:
Everyone has a soul mate.

The latest is,I've changed
the violin for a stick...

and I conduct the most cheerful
orchestra from Cochabamba.