01x08 - One Plus One Equals Two

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Boys Presents: Diabolical". Aired: March 4, 2022 - present.
An anthology of emotionally shocking and irreverent stories set within the superhero universe of `The Boys'.
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01x08 - One Plus One Equals Two

Post by bunniefuu »

Ladies and gentleman,

please welcome to the stage...

the latest, and might I say,

greatest, addition to the Vought

crime-fighting family...

The Homelander!

- Not since
Soldier Boy

has Vought been
so excited to work

with a superhero of
The Homelander's caliber.

Hello, friends.

The Homelander,
what made you decide

to join up with Vought?

I, uh... Um...

Say, you guys ever hear
of the Whitehall Tigers?

What? No?
Ah, that's okay.

That was my team back as a kid.

Back then, I only wanted
to do two things,

play baseball and play baseball.

Every night
on the farm,

playing catch with my dad,
I'd dream of the big leagues.

Hitting a homer
at Yankee Stadium.

Heck, I would've settled

for just warming the bench
at Yankee Stadium.

What I'm saying is, my baseball
career didn't exactly work out,

but Vought? Well, Vought is the
big leagues for someone like me.

A chance to use my gifts

to help make the world
a better place.

New York's a lot rougher

than a Whitehall
baseball diamond.

How are you getting ready
for everything

this city can throw at you?

Great question.

Vought's teamed me up
with someone I've idolized

my entire life.

My friend and yours,

Black Noir.

This was supposed to be
your big debut.

Your big moment.

And he puts Noir
up there with you?

You should be f*cking upset
about this.

If Mr. Edgar believes
Black Noir can teach me...

Noir is not there to teach you.

He is there to watch you.

Make sure you follow the script.

Make sure you don't screw up
and embarrass the company.

And bring you in if you do.

And do you think Noir wants you

in his number one spot?

Not likely.

Being on stage...

All those people
who wanted to be you,

or be with you, or f*ck you...

It felt good, right?


That's the future
I'm building for you,

but you need to take it.

Don't let some m*rder,
mute psycho get in your way.

We should drop the "The."

Just "Homelander" is better.

The group,
calling themselves

the Chemical Liberation Front,

have taken eight hostages

at the Cruz Chemical plant
on Staten Island.

The hostages are said to all be

Cruz Chemical managers
and executives.

The CLF also released
this footage an hour ago.

We didn't want to do this,
but Cruz left us no choice.

Their toxic poisons
drift into our schools,

our parks, our homes,
and cause this.

Until they close this
f*cking cancer factory,

we're not f*cking
going anywhere!

I'm here.

Hold position.

Black Noir on route.

ETA 14 minutes.

Don't let some
m*rder, mute psycho

get in your way.

These hostages
don't have 14 minutes.

I'm going in.

Wait, Homelan...

Excuse me, ma'am.

I'm sorry, but you'll
need to stay here

- until the authorities arrive.
- Ah!

- Ow! I can't breathe.
- You'll be fine.

You wrapped a metal pipe
around my chest.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Ted! Ted, help!

- Liz? You okay?
- Help me!


Oh, God,
you broke my f*cking nose.

And you, I'm afraid,
broke the law, Mister.

Ah, f*ck you.

Clown-suited piece of shit.

Can you check on Liz?

She's not answering. Ted?

f*ck! That means someone's here.

We got to get f*cking ready.

I don't want to die.
I don't want to die.

- I don't want to die.
I don't want to die.
- Shit. Okay. Here we go.

Please, we just work here.

We don't make any decisions.

My name's The...

My name's Homelander.

And I'm not here to hurt anyone.

Don't come any closer.
We'll k*ll them.

Whoa, ho, ho, ho. Easy, friend.

I understand you're angry,
but this...

this v*olence is no way
to effect change.

So put your g*n down
and let's talk.

Just stay back. I'm warning you.

f*ck you, you facist f*ck!

v*olence is never the answer.

Now, if you come peacefully,

I'll make sure your cause

is discussed
at the highest level.

If you don't get the f*ck
out of here,

I'll k*ll him.

No, but...

y-your g*n's useless now.
It's over.

This thing will still f*cking
explode if I pull the trigger,

so get the f*ck back!

You know, friend,

it's hard to hold a g*n

when it's 500 degrees

No, you idiot, it'll ex...

You weren't...

You weren't supposed to do that.

That was you!

What the f*ck
do you think happens

when you heat up a f*cking g*n,
you stupid f*ck?

I... I didn't know.

We weren't gonna hurt anybody.

We were trying to save lives.

Oh, f*ck, my hand.

What kind of f*cking
superhero are you?

No, no, no. Stop.

I just need to think.

Y-You're all being too loud,

- and I need to think.
- You're a f*cking

fascist m*rder and...

Shut up!

No, no, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait.

Don't... don't be afraid.

This is their fault.
They're the bad guys.

I-I'm the hero. You love me.

You're a monster.


Oh, no, no, no, no, no. f*ck.

Oh, God. Oh, pl-please... Oh...

- God...
- No, no, no, no.

They... they made me do that.

I didn't want to,

but... they made me.

I can explain, okay? Uh...

They had g*n, see, and-and...

He m*rder everyone.

He k*lled everyone.

No, no. You...

You don't f*cking understand.

Oh, this is perfect, isn't it?

You're gonna use this
to get rid of me, aren't you?

Keep your spot as
Vought's number one hero.

Well, you know what?

That's not gonna happen.

I'm not gonna let you
or anyone else

take my future away from...

Come here.

I made one f*cking mistake, and
you're gonna hang me over that?

You just don't want
the competition, do you?

But let's be honest,

it's not really
a competition, is it?

Your time's over, Noir.
It's my turn.

I paid my f*cking dues.

It's since... Jesus, f*ck!

Oh... f*ck.

They had a b*mb.

I covered it with my body,
but the blast was too great.

We searched the rubble.

Sadly, we're the only survivors.

I failed you, all of you.

No, no. What are you...

You risked your lives for us.

We're grateful to you.

Thank you, but...

...those poor hostages,

they were the real heroes.

Well, not exactly the rollout
I imagined for you, but...

...you handled it well.

Believe it or not,
even with everyone d*ad,

your ratings went up.

Good. That's good.

You know,

- you were wrong about Noir.
- Was I?

He had a few things
to teach me after all.
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