Whoa!
This is wild.
Nope, this is "Wipeout."
Oh.
The Big Balls are back,
America.
I’m Nicole Byer.
And I’m John Cena.
We’ll be your guides
as we reintroduce you
to the most insane
competition show known to man.
She got hit hard.
But that’s the game
of "Wipeout."
Banzai!
Each week, teams of two
will compete for their share
of the $25,000 grand prize.
The courses are crazier.
Yes!
The contestants are bendier.
That one’s got to hurt.
And the hosts are sexier.
This body doesn’t happen
overnight.
It also doesn’t happen
by taking shirtless selfies
in the gym mirror
for 45 minutes.
Welcome back, America,
to "Wipeout!"
Hello, America, and welcome
to another highflying episode
of "Wipeout."
I’m John Cena.
You mean John ByerCena,
and I’m Nicole ByerCena.
What are you talking about?
John, now that we’re cohosts,
I wanted to prove to you
that I’m more than committed,
that I’m all in.
My days of hosting around
other people are through,
so I took the liberty
of legally changing
both our names.
Seriously?
I did toy with the idea
of becoming Nicole Cena,
but then I was like,
"Why should I, like,
lose my identity?"
I am equal parts
of this, like, hosting duo.
If anything,
it should be John Byer,
but then the guy
at the drivethrough told me
that if I wasn’t
gonna order anything,
I needed to, like, move along
because there was, like,
other people waiting.
Speaking of names,
we got a new set of teams
ready to put theirs on the line
as they compete
for our $25,000 grand prize.
But, first,
they must face our Qualifier.
Ten teams face
the Qualifier today:
a fivepart
obstacle course behemoth.
First up,
they’ll have to choose a path
as they navigate
through the Sweep and Weep.
Then it’s a trip up and down
the stairs of the Nutcracker.
Next up,
a "Wipeout" classic,
the Big Balls.
Make it across
and grab Smallsy
for a $250 bonus.
After that,
it’s the Body Blender.
Jump the hurdles
or get cut down
in the process.
And, finally,
the players end
with the swinginginswing
Jigglelator
before a final leap
to the finish platform.
The six fastest teams
that finish the Qualifier
make it through
to the next round.
Let’s head down to my very
favorite person in the world,
present company excluded.
Camille ByerCenaKostek,
how’s the course looking?
The course
has never looked better.
The sweeper bars are sweepier.
The motivators
are more "motivatier,"
and the Big Balls
are big ballsier!
Girl’s got a way
with words, John.
I just felt
like Rob Gronkowski.
He
That is something he would do.
I’m really glad
that we married her!
Me, too.
Let’s head to the top
of the course
for our first contestants
of the day.
Go fast, look pretty!
Let’s try to stay
on the same page for once!
This is John and Drew.
They’ve been dating
for over a year,
but they say
they’re complete opposites.
This is what peak male
performance looks like.
Oh, so he’s, like,
free to leave the house
whenever he pleases,
and she’s held
against her will
in his basement?
We shouldn’t make
assumptions.
Camille, tell us more
about this odd couple.
So do you guys have
a lot in common?
Well, a lot of stuff
except for what we like,
what we’re good at,
and how we act.
Drew, if he’s holding you
c*ptive, blink twice.
Opposite John is off
and tearing
across the Sweep and Weep.
Ooh! Gets taken out
at the knees but holds on!
You got it!
If they’re really opposites,
she should be amazing at this.
It’s not hard!
Well, that water
is pretty cold.
Opposite Drew approaching
the Body Blender.
Couples that fall together
stay together.
She lifts my spirits endlessly!
She is beauty in motion!
You know
what they say, John.
A beauty in motion
stays in motion...
until it gets knocked
in the water.
Jiggle, baby! Jiggle!
Drew jigglebabying up
to the Jigglelator.
Do you have any words
of advice for her?
Make sure to yell them
as intensely as possible.
Brace! Brace!
I know it’s slippery.
Slip and slide.
I love you so much!
I love you.
Let that love move you.
This is like
a really up version
of "The Notebook."
Let my love keep moving you.
Guess his love
wasn’t strong enough
to move her
to the finish platform.
Come here.
But coming in with a time
of 7 minutes, 24 seconds,
they’ll hope it’s enough
to get them
into the next round.
Heading back to the top
of the course.
both: Paint the city!
Show me the money!
We’ve got muralists
Brittany and Shaq.
Oh, snap. My bad.
Oh, that’s okay.
John, I must know more
about these two.
If only there was some sort
of short video package
that focused
on their background.
I’m Brittany.
And I’m Shaq,
and we are muralists.
You put a paint can
in my hand and a real good tip,
trust me,
I’ma flow out so much,
I’ll paint you something
that’s gonna make you laugh.
I’ll paint you something
that’s gonna make you cry.
We’re gonna paint
the "Wipeout" course red.
We’re gonna win.
Okay?
And they’re not even going
to be ready for us!
Not
No, they gonna be like,
"Who’s that?
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?"
"It’s a plane?"
Nah, it’s muralists.
Nah, it’s muralists.
Muralists.
Oh, come on!
That looks nothing like me.
I never make this face.
Uh, John, that one’s
supposed to be me.
Really, how can you tell?
Oh, I’ll explain it to you
after the show.
Brittany doing
her best impression
of Edvard Munch’s "The Scream"
as she takes on
the Sweep and Weep.
Ooh!
Gets critiqued
by the sweeper bar.
Oh!
That was crazy.
Brittany won’t stop
screaming.
For real, man,
if you don’t know how to swim,
don’t come here!
You know, John, all this
screaming gives me an idea
for my own "Wipeout"
art exhibit:
The Faces of Brittany.
Brittany now up for our
most famous art installation:
the Big Balls.
Oh!
Gets the brushoff.
Oh, my goodness.
Now this I call "Motivated,"
and it pairs perfectly
with my next piece.
Oh!
"Yearning," because she longs
for a connection
with a big ball
who won’t requite her love.
Oh!
And there’s
a special edition
complementary piece:
"OMFG, girl, run!"
On to the Jigglelator,
where Brittany...
Ah!
Is still screaming.
Ah!
Climbs over
the first hurdle.
Which brings me
to my favorite piece
of the entire exhibit.
What do you call this one?
"Regret."
Now that was a work of art.
Well, the clock’s almost
at 18 minutes,
and they still
haven’t finished yet.
I know it’s early,
but it’s hard to see them
making it to the next round.
Let’s head to the top
of the course,
where lifelong friends
Justin and MacKea
are gearing up
to take on the Qualifier.
Aw, John, that’s
a secret bestfriend handshake
if I ever saw one.
They also have a song.
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
This may be
my favorite new song.
Great! John, feel free
to play that at my funeral,
where I’m certain
I won’t have to hear it again.
Friends for life make
quick work of the Qualifier.
With one obstacle to go,
they’re on pace
for the fastest time
of the day so far.
Now let’s head to the top
of the course
to meet newly engaged couple
Jason and Delaney.
Aw, yeah!
Will you please stop playing
that music?
It’s my day to pick
the tunes.
I didn’t say a word
when you played
that Nickelback album
for an entire episode,
which was awful
but also cost TBS thousands
of dollars in royalty fees.
Worth it.
Superstar fiancé Jason about
to take a walk down the aisle.
Jumps the broom like it
ain’t no thing,
proving he’s definitely
marriage material.
I’ll say.
Jason dives headfirst...
Nice!
Through our engagement rings
and clears the obstacle.
Superstar fiancé?
Delaney now engaging
with the Jigglelator.
I got to say, these two are
tearing through our course.
You got this, girl!
Gets pushed into something
she isn’t ready for.
John, do you think
it’s a sign that Delaney
shouldn’t marry Jason
and I should take her place?
I don’t.
They say the obstacle course
of true love
never did run smooth,
but I’d say these two
did a pretty bangup job.
Bangup something.
Somehow, you’re thirstier
than they are.
The fastest time
of the day so far!
Clocking in at an amazing
5 minutes and 34 seconds,
the Superstar Fiancés
surpass the Friends 4 Life
and are virtually locked to be
moving on to the Gauntlet.
But there’s plenty
of "Wipeout"
and contestants to come.
People challenge me to fight
all the time.
Do you ever take people up
on it?
Never. Welcome back
to "Wipeout," America.
And if you’re not in America
and pirating this
from another country,
you should be in jail.
Huh?
Go with me, John.
I bootlegged some episodes
of "The Gilmore Girls,"
and the Feds said
they wouldn’t press charges
if I made a public statement
against online piracy.
You know I have
the whole collection
on Bluray, right?
Well, now I do!
Anyway, we’re halfway
through today’s Qualifier,
and the $25,000
is still up for grabs,
so let’s check in with Camille
who’s with our next team.
Piracy is not
a victimless crime.
This is Lisa Luck
and her partner, John,
who’s Irish.
Camille, what can you tell us
about these two?
Oh!
Yup, we’re doing a jig.
Okay, just bad dancing.
Let’s go to the top
of the course, where Lisa
hopes for a little luck
at the Sweep and Weep.
Go?
Yeah, just luck and go.
Takes the path to the left
and takes a seat.
Get up! Come on.
I can’t.
Come on, this is "Wipeout,"
not Sit Out.
It’s timed!
Go.
Lisa gets into a donnybrook
with the sweeper bar.
And into the bog.
Just like back in Ireland.
Lisa stumbles into the bar,
knocks one back,
knocks another back
and another
and gives us
a little Irish goodbye.
It’s gonna jiggle,
and you’re gonna slip.
What?
As Lisa approaches
the Jigglelator,
her nightmare run
may be almost over,
but that time
is not looking good.
Yeah. Let’s go, Lisa!
One more.
Whoo! Oh.
Oh, my God.
It’s just
a little Irish cream.
I’m making a gif of Lisa
getting a face full
of luck juice.
Check it out.
That’s actually pretty good,
but actually,
it’s pronounced jif.
Pretty sure it’s gif.
Why would a G make a J sound?
I wouldn’t call you Gohn Cena.
Of course not.
Why would you call me
by the name
of my evil twin brother?
He hasn’t been seen in years,
and he definitely didn’t take
over my identity
with the real John locked in
my grandfather’s old woodshed.
What?
Can I see that gif again?
Sure!
A woodshed?
Actually, John, we’ve had
a lot
of gifworth moments today,
whether it’s at the Big Balls,
the Motivator
Yikes!
The Smack Wall...
Ah!
Or the Sweep and Weep.
These images
of bitesize comedy
will be showing up
in group texts
and overly political Facebook
posts for years to come.
Whoa! That last contestant
got flipped like a pancake.
Funny you should
say that, John.
My name is Jasmine.
My name is Adam.
And we are pancake artists!
This is the type of pancake
you’re used to seeing,
but this is not what we do.
If you can imagine it,
we can create it.
We prepared for "Wipeout"
by making some pancakes.
We made John.
We made Nicole.
We made Camille,
and we made the Red Ball.
Put it in your mouth!
Pancake artist Adam getting
a little motivation
at the Big Balls.
Drowns himself in gallons
of delicious syrup.
Did you miss breakfast
or something?
That obvious, huh?
I want pancakes,
and I want them now.
You and me both.
This is Anna and Riley.
They’re Frisbee
camp counselors.
Ew. Frisbee camp
is the third nerdiest camp
behind math and magic.
Riley flings himself up
to the Big Balls and dives for
Skiier Smallsy
for 250 big ones.
John, they are keeping
a pretty good pace so far
with the front of the pack.
What else is there to know
about these two?
I’m Anna.
And I’m Riley,
and we are
the Frisbee Camp Counselors.
I generally travel
with about 30 Frisbees
because you never know
when a game of Ultimate
is gonna break out.
We got this whole "Wipeout"
thing in the bag.
There’s a lot of parallels
between, like,
the agility aspect of Frisbee
and agility aspect
of "Wipeout."
We got the balance.
We got the lateral movement.
We got the jumping.
If we wipe out, we wipe out,
but we’re just gonna
keep on muscling through.
Man, I wish we had a Frisbee
here in the booth.
John and Nicole, catch this.
Got it!
Oh, let me throw it back.
Bet you I can throw this
over those mountains.
No way.
There it goes.
Oh,.
Let’s just move
to the top of the course.
both: No klutz, no glory!
This is former Marine
turned gym owner Jessie
and her funloving
employee Morgan.
Let me guess,
they’re both huge klutzes.
Bingo!
But they’ve got
a secret w*apon
that’s gonna help them
with their balance.
What is this?
I actually traded a massage
for this crystal wand.
Hey, I’ve got one of those
at home, too.
This is all for just, like,
repelling fear,
keeping balance through life.
Yeah.
So we’ll just be fearless
on this course and balanced
and ready to hit it.
Let’s go, Morgan!
Do it now, baby.
Morgan stumbling
and bumbling
up the Sweep and Weep.
Trips over the sweeper bar
and gets another sh*t at it.
Onto her feet andoh, John!
This girl straight tripping.
She is not giving up.
What’s their motto, John?
No klutz, no glory?
Holy cow!
Something tells me
these two could take a while.
Maybe, but
the current sixthplace team,
Luck and the Irish,
have set a very beatable time
of 15 minutes and 35 seconds,
so there’s still a chance
for Jessie and Morgan.
But in the meantime,
let’s meet
our last team of the day.
What is going on
with the flag?
What does this flag represent?
It’s the Luxembourgish flag.
So I’m actually the fittest man
in Luxembourg.
This all sounds made up.
I’m sorry, can you say that
one more time?
Fittest man in Luxembourg.
Unbelievable.
And now, let me guess,
are you, like,
the fittest something, too?
He might be
the fittest in Luxembourg,
but I could squat him.
No way.
Yeah.
One, two, three.
All right.
Oh! Oh, over and over.
Impressive.
So we’ve got the fittest man
in Luxembourg and squats?
Well done.
I have to say,
I once squatted my boyfriend.
He’s about 269 pounds.
I squatted him three times.
There’s proof.
Wow, she wasn’t kidding.
Come on, Nicole.
I bet you can squat me.
Let’s not test that theory.
Let’s go, Con!
John, this is
the fittest man in Luxembourg.
Be prepared to be blown
Oh, dang.
Away.
More like the fittest man to
fall in the water immediately.
You’re just jealous.
All I’m saying is this guy
had to go to another country
to win a Fittest Man title.
Squats ready to lunge
across the Big Balls.
Oh, got it. Nice!
Manages to stay on.
Keeps pumping those legs,
knocks off Smallsy,
gets felt up by her partner,
and successfully clears
the obstacle.
For Luxembourg!
Connor may be
Luxembourg’s fittest man,
but Squats is putting
the team on her back.
The way she’s moving
through this Jigglelator
almost makes me rethink
skipping leg day.
Oh, low blow.
Look at this hustle!
Nice, Caitlin.
Miss Squats makes her way
to the platform.
She locks in her
and Connor’s time
at a cool 5 minutes
and 45 seconds,
which is good enough for the
second fastest time of the day
and a spot in the Gauntlet.
Joining them will be
the Superstar Fiancés,
the Friends 4 Life...
The Frisbee Camp Counselors,
No Klutz, No Glory,
and Opposites att*ck.
That’s it
for the Qualifier, America.
The quest for the $25,000
continues on in the Gauntlet.
We are
the Statler and Waldorf
of the hosting world.
Statler and Waldorf?
Don’t know who they are.
Oh, I’m old.
Welcome back
to "Wipeout," America.
Today’s Qualifier was one
for the record books.
Ugh, too bad books
are for nerds, John!
Wake me up when
the movie comes out.
Who’s playing us
in this movie
about the Qualifier?
Ooh, there’s a good question.
Well, okay, of course
I’d, like, play myself
because, like,
no one can replicate all this.
What about me?
Who you thinking?
DiCaprio? George Clooney?
Daniel DayLewis?
Mm, probably one of the guys
from "The Big Bang Theory."
Really?
No, but TBS likes it
when we mention it.
"The Big Bang Theory,"
coming on right after
this show, probably.
Bazinga!
Back here on "Wipeout,"
if our remaining teams
still want a chance
at that 25,000,
they’ll have to take
on the Gauntlet.
The Gauntlet will be done
in two heats.
Each heat, three teams
competing at the same time
will be practically
climbing over one another
starting at the CarousHell.
Then it’s a footrace
through
the disgusting mud pits
and slippery slopes
of the Messy Mile.
And, finally,
the Pummel Pool,
where the choice between
the revolving French fries
and the giant
spinning lollipop
could make or break it all.
The first team to have both
members cross the finish line
moves on to the Wipeout Zone.
The teams competing in
the first heat are my lovers,
the Superstar Fiancés.
Friends 4 Life.
And No Klutz, No Glory.
Slow and steady
wins the race.
Yeah. That’s what b*at
the hare, right?
I think.
Yeah.
I don’t know.
The tortoise b*at the hare.
Oh.
Oh, yes. Yeah. Wait.
Yeah, it b*at the hare.
The tortoise
did b*at the hare.
The hare is the rabbit.
Wait.
I’m sorry.
Yes, the tortoise
b*at the hare.
Glad we got that
figured out.
Good luck, guys.
Here we go!
Three, two
Everyone is rushing
to take their seat
at the Gauntlet’s table.
I’m going.
Of course he is.
You’ve got it, babe.
Superstar Fiancé Jason,
whose team had
the fastest time of the day,
pops off and is now
straddling the propeller.
I have never been so jealous
of a sweeper bar
in my entire life.
No Klutz Jessie
with an uncoordinated effort,
and Jason gets jilted.
Friends 4 Life Justin
getting buddybuddy
with the sweeper bar.
He sticks the landing
on the second platform.
MacKea hoping to join him,
but Justin doesn’t even wait
for her to show up.
Some friend.
Don’t worry, Nicole.
He’ll come around.
Ah! Oh, sh**t.
See?
Superstar Delaneyooh
pretty in pink, holding tight
to that sweeper bar
like she’ll never let go.
While friend MacKea weathers
the sweeper bar storm
and sticks the landing!
But she’ll need Justin
to join her
before the orange team
can move on.
Fiancé Delaney goes
from casually sitting
to a fullon commitment.
Justin approaching
the finish platform
for a second time.
Let go, let go!
Ah.
Justin can’t let go, girl.
Stuck in your head, too,
huh?
Eh, it’s growing on me.
No Klutz Morgan in purple
drops down on the platform.
While fiancé Jason...
That hurt.
Come on, Justin.
You got to keep holding on.
Ugh, he’s been doing that.
That’s the problem.
Coming in hot.
What is happening right now?
He’s been riding this thing
for a while
and still can’t get off.
Take it easy.
You know, 30 percent
of male contestants
have that same problem.
But Justin breaks the cycle,
and Friends 4 Life
are the first to advance on
to the Messy Mile.
Superstar Fiancée Delaney
oh! Flying in.
Ah, yes!
And lands herself a platform.
Orange team moves ahead,
but Fiancé Jason
not far behind.
Swings in.
Come on, J.
Hang on!
Makes it,
and pink is moving on.
Justin and MacKea trudge on
as they cling
to their lead for now.
Ready? Let’s do this!
Come on, now.
Meanwhile, Morgan and Jessie
are still stuck
at the first obstacle.
You got it, Jessie.
Klutz Jessie clumsily lands
on the sweeper bar.
Butterfingers.
Jason and Delaney show
no signs of giving up.
Ooh!
You know
what they say, John.
Behind every superhot guy
wiping out
is a superhot woman
also wiping out.
Justin and MacKea have begun
their ascent up Mount Wipeout.
But the Superstar Fiancés
are super hot
on their mountain trail.
Jason and Delaney are
coming up right behind them.
Friends 4 Life
are almost at the peak.
Together, they’re gonna make
this jump.
Ready?
And we have entered
the Pummel Pool.
They didn’t even have to wait
for one another.
Jason stuck waiting
for his bridetobe.
It’s her day, John.
Let her take
all the time she needs.
Superstar Fiancés crashing
the Pummel Pool party.
Orange team is climbing up
to the first Big Ball.
MacKea better go if she’s
hoping to hold onto her lead.
Oh, but she can’t even
hold on to the platform!
Justin trying to show
his bestie how it’s done.
Ohhoho, and he does!
Fiancé Jason springs
into action and makes it.
Nothing can come between him
and that platform.
Friend 4 Life Justin
taking the lollipop route,
and he’s looking
a little dizzy
and a little wet.
This is Superstar Jason’s
chance to catch up.
Absolutely no hesitation
as he successfully navigates
through the fries.
Just one more jump
for the lead.
Yes, yes!
A thousand times, yes.
With Jason through,
this is really turning into
a comefrombehind story.
We’ve got
one team member up here,
but we need the full package
in order to claim victory
to move on
to the Wipeout Zone.
MacKea giving it another go.
Go, MacKea!
Chest bumps the platform,
and she’s on.
Let’s go, baby girl!
Fiancée Delaney right
on her heels.
Oh, no!
I feel you.
Not to be outdone, Delaney
ends up cheating on Jason
with the platform.
MacKea needs
a secret handshake
with the French fries.
Ooh, they really got
to practice that more.
Back at CarousHell,
Klutz Jessie...
Yes!
Lucks into that one, but it
might be a little too late.
Delaney, we’re waiting!
But Justin isn’t.
Look at this guy
avoiding the fries, John.
They’re not
the kind of friends
you want to hang out
with anyway.
Over that last Big Ball
and down the ramp.
Another team member in!
Let’s go.
Justin is holding
onto his GoPro.
He’s still filming.
Wow, John.
It’s a battle
between the Friends 4 Life
and the soontobe husband
and wife.
MacKea gives
the fries another
ah, nope.
Never mind.
She really wants to build
a bond
with these French fries.
John, why, oh why
do they keep
pushing her away?
We’re waiting on Delaney,
and MacKea just got wiped out.
Need you, baby.
Fiancée Delaney
gets her lolli popped.
Take your time.
Take your time. You got time!
Not as much,
as Delaney has made it
back onto the platform.
MacKea takes off
through the French fries,
and, John, I’m hungies.
I’m hungry.
Oh, and she barely holds on!
MacKea is on!
Who’s it gonna be?
Go, Delaney.
Let’s go, love!
One last jump.
Ohho!
Yes.
Thank you
for being a friend.
Whoo!
Now to join her partner
on the platform.
After giving up
an early lead,
the Gauntlet put
their friendship to the test,
but Justin and MacKea’s bond
could not be broken.
The Friends 4 Life
have secured
their spot in the final two.
We’ll find out who will
join them in heat number two
of the Gauntlet.
Then with $25,000 on the line,
the two teams will battle
it out in the Wipeout Zone.
The party has started,
and we all get
to take tequila sh*ts.
What’s your middle name?
Felix Anthony.
John Felix Anthony Cena.
That’s a good name.
You know, my dad was good
for something.
Welcome back, America.
We’re officially halfway
through the show, John,
and that means I’m half a show
away from slipping into my PJs,
pouring myself
a nice big glass of wine,
and watching Internet proposal
videos where the girl says no.
That sounds
like quite a night.
What about you, John?
Do you have, like,
an underground arm wrestling
competition or something?
Nah. That doesn’t start up
until the fall.
I’ll probably just do
the same thing
I do every night:
stand in this spot,
close my eyes,
and wait patiently until
next week of the show to start.
I can’t tell if you’re joking
or just a weirdo.
And while Nicole tries
to figure me out,
we’ve got one heat to go
in the Gauntlet and three teams
competing for that final spot
in the Wipeout Zone.
Let’s head to the top
of the course.
Yeah!
Who will be joining
Friends 4 Life?
Will it be the Fittest Man
in Luxembourg and Squats?
The Frisbee Camp Counselors?
Or Opposites att*ck?
You got it.
Yup.
You got it. You got it.
You got it.
Here we go!
Three, two, one.
There’s the horn, and heat
two of the Gauntlet begins.
You got it, dude.
You got it.
Opposite John not wasting
any time...
falling into the winter.
John in yellow
trying to prove himself
after he and Drew were
the absolute last team
to qualify for the Gauntlet.
I got it.
I’ll try.
Connor in green
giving it a try.
I guess grabbing a sweeper bar
isn’t a category
in Luxembourg’s
Fittest Man Competition.
I’ll go.
Squats popping onooh
and off.
Counselor Anna...
Oh!
Slips a disk
while Riley snags
a sweeper bar
and bids for the platform.
And the boy in blue is
the first to make it through.
Opposite Drew, the only one
who hasn’t gone
for the sweeper bar.
You got it, baby.
I’m so scared.
Let the love move you.
Ow!
Oh, not that far.
I really suggest
don’t go feetfirst.
John takes her advice,
goes crotchfirst,
but hangs on!
Opposite John shows
the sweeper bar that once
he gets ahold of you,
you can’t get away.
Frisbee Camp Counselor Riley
gets point blocked
by the sweeper twice
but manages to hang on
and is the first to make it
through the CarousHell.
Fittest Man Connor gives the
sweeper bar a big old bear hug
and makes it
to the first platform.
And Squats...
Ah!
Comes up short.
Counselor Anna
gets her disk adjusted.
Fittest Man holding tight
to the ring takes to the sky.
Hey, I never noticed
that old house before.
Who do you think
lives there?
Probably the guys who used
to host this show.
Oh, no!
Plenty of wipeouts early on,
as only Counselor Riley
has made it through
the CarousHell,
but Connor is lifting
himself up for a change!
And he lands it.
Opposite John hoping to bro
down with Riley and Connor.
Hang on!
Hangs on, spins around and
yes!
Woohoohoo.
That’s how it’s done, people.
What a majestic landing.
Let’s go to the judges.
Come on, Russia.
Don’t be hating.
I couldn’t get hit again.
That was brutal.
I couldn’t get hit anymore.
Nice, Caitlin!
They’re each waiting
for their partner to join them
before they can advance
to the next obstacle.
Nice try, Anna.
Think rodeo!
And Squats charges ahead.
She was a big reason her team
got the second fastest time
on the Qualifier,
and with that landing,
her and
the Fittest Man in Luxembourg
can get down and dirty
in the Messy Mile.
The question
on everyone’s minds.
Oh, okay.
Opposite Drew
trying her best
to make sure
it’s her and John.
That’s good, baby!
Now take your time.
It hits you hard, so be ready.
It’s a big hit.
Let go, let go!
Hey, but she makes it,
and they’re moving on.
You’re okay?
Yeah, that hit super hard.
They’re hoping to shed
their underdog moniker
and catch up to
the Fittest Man in Luxembourg
and Squats.
Mouthful.
Frisbee Counselor Riley
was the first
to make it through
the CarousHell,
but both teams have
surpassed him at this point.
Hey, now you know
its secrets, Anna!
It’s about the timing.
I can’t get the timing.
Meanwhile, Fittest Man
and Squats
are still in the lead
and have made it
to Mount Wipeout
as 2,000 gallons of water
comes gushing
from the mountain’s peak.
That’s about 1,500
toilet flushes worth.
Wow, you must be
some kind of math genius.
No, I just measure
everything in toilet flushes.
Back at the zip line,
Opposite Drew
Let it fly, baby!
I know why
the caged bird wipes out.
Fittest couple over here
showing up.
Fittest Man and Squats
have scaled Mount Wipeout
and have become the first team
to enter the Pummel Pool.
We’ve got three sections of
the course, one team in each.
Opposites att*ck
getting a face full of fun
at the Messy Mile.
And for the lady?
Thank you.
Squats up
to the first Big Ball,
slips, regains her balance
Oh!
Fittest Man Connor dances
across the Big Balls,
gets back on his feet,
and slides into the platform
with style.
Hoohoo!
We’ll be seeing that pose
in next year’s Fittest Men
of the Globe calendar.
Opposites John and Drew
not giving up the fight.
We’re doing so good.
I love you so much.
I love you.
Less loving, more shoving,
because Squats has made it
across the first Big Ball.
French fries?
Or the lollipop.
That looks fast.
both: It is!
While Fittest Man and Squats
plot their path,
the Opposites bask in the
magnificence of Mount Wipeout.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
Fittest Man wasting no time
choosing the lollipop.
Delicious choice.
You got this.
Okay. One more.
Am I going to get
the opportunity
to talk to the Fittest Man
in Luxembourg... again?
Think I can do this.
With all of Luxembourg
watching
No!
Keeps himself up
by sheer force and makes it.
That was incredible!
He truly is
the Fittest Man after all.
Whoo!
Don’t mess this up.
Yeah, that would be
super embarrassing
after what
you just pulled off.
How do you get up?
I’m afraid I can’t help you.
I need all my limbs.
Opposites are gonna have
to hurry
if they want to catch up.
Connor goes for it,
over the ball, and yes!
The Fittest Man in Luxembourg
has made it
through the Gauntlet.
Whoo.
But it’s not over yet.
He’s got to wait
for his partner,
and the Opposites
are hot on their trail.
And right behind him
wasting no time is Squats,
tearing through
those French fries.
Oh, Caitlin right behind him.
Is this gonna happen?
It is! The Fittest Man
in Luxembourg and Squats
are moving on
to the Wipeout Zone.
That just happened!
You are one step closer
to that $25,000.
All right, anything you want
to say to Luxembourg?
They’re watching.
We’re going
to the Wipeout Zone.
Let’s do it!
Let’s go!
This is amazing, John.
Let’s go live to Luxembourg,
where the locals are reacting
to Connor’s Gauntlet win.
Nicole?
I don’t think this is live.
Quiet, John.
Just look pretty
and tell us what happens next.
Well, the Fittest Man
in Luxembourg and Squats
will be facing off
against Friends 4 Life
in the Wipeout Zone
for $25,000.
Whoo!
I love going deep.
All right.
Welcome back
to "Wipeout," America.
It’s been a long day,
but the party
is just getting started
as two teams remain
on their quest for $25,000.
Oh, baby, 25 big ones!
What would you do with
that kind of money, Nicole?
I just told you.
I’d get me 25 big ones
or maybe 22 big ones
and three slightly
above average ones,
something like that.
Uh
Either way,
I’d probably still have
about 22 grand left over.
Let’s take a look
at the Wipeout Zone.
We’ve made it to the top
of the mountain:
the Wipeout Zone.
This colossal course
is made up of four stages
done relay style,
with each contestant
attempting two obstacles.
The first team member
will get sh*t out
from our speeding
Silver b*llet
into freezing cold
waters below.
From there, they’ll swim
to the giant spinning Vertigo,
where they’ll attempt to
maneuver from peg to peg
without losing their grip
or their lunch.
They’ll need to press
the button in the middle
to lower the bridge
before they can leap
to safety.
That’s when they’ll tag
their partner
to take on the Leap of Faith,
where they’ll have
to launch themselves
onto one of the spinning arms,
maintain their balance,
and jump
to the narrow platform
on the other side.
It’s tough, but if they
successfully make it across,
they’ll arrive
at the final challenge.
The Triple thr*at.
If a contestant
can somehow make it
from one spinning hexagon
to the next and safely leap
to the final platform
faster than their competition,
they’ll take home $25,000.
In tonight’s Wipeout Zone,
we’ve got the Fittest Man
in Luxembourg and Squats
versus Friends 4 Life.
Fittest Man and Squats
are up first.
Squats approaches
the Silver b*llet
and gets locked and loaded,
while Connor watches on
with bated breath.
Three, two, one.
Getting launched,
and away she goes.
Plunging into the cold water
of Lake Wipeout.
I love going deep.
All right!
She makes her way up the
steps to the daunting Vertigo.
Go, Caitlin!
Remind me again
how this works, John.
She has to make it
to the center of the obstacle,
hit the button,
which will lower the bridge,
allowing her to leap across
and tag her partner.
You got it.
Ooh.
Squats on
and straddling the peg.
Starts to make her way across.
Good job, Caitlin.
Nice, Caitlin.
Just keep working your way
to the center. Nice job.
Having some trouble here.
Eugh.
Falls but gets her footing.
Here she comes.
She’s in the middle.
Okay.
She’s got the button.
All right.
So the ramp is down.
Just got to get
to the outside.
Ooh, this could be bad.
This could be bad!
It’s some trouble!
Ah,.
Oh.
Yup, that’s a
That is a wipeout.
Dang, dang, dang.
Squats back up the ramp
for a second attempt.
All right.
Already got to the center.
Just got to get across.
I mean, all she truly
has to do is go
for a ride on the outside,
take a little leap,
slap Connor in the face,
and she’s done.
You got it. You got it.
You got it, Caitlin.
She is looking to make a
leap.
It’sthis is not good.
If she can hold onnope.
Into the drink she goes again.
Dang.
These are supposed to
be fit people, CrossFit people?
She’s still swimming
with gusto.
You got it, Caitlin.
Just get on the other side
of that corner.
You got it.
Nice.
Okay.
She’s gonna try it here.
Yes.
Nice, Caitlin.
She’s very focused.
Go!
Yes.
She clears it!
Yes, yes!
Nice work, baby.
Nice job. Nice job.
Let’s see what the strongest
man in Luxembourg can do.
Let’s go, Con.
Let’s see here.
He’s got to make
a Leap of Faith.
You can do this. Whoo!
Oh, you’re awesome. Yes!
Okay.
Handles the Leap of Faith...
Yes.
Easily.
That was very, very nice.
A Triple thr*at left
to the finish line.
Come on, man.
You can do it!
All right.
Trying to learn the hex.
What are we doing here?
Do it for Luxembourg!
Yes.
I have no sense of geography.
I don’t know where that is.
Handles the second thr*at
with ease.
Yes, wow.
On to the third one.
Look at this.
He’s like a puma.
Okay, okay!
He’s like a supple leopard.
Oh, wow!
And the jump?
Yes!
Absolutely crushed it.
For Luxembourg!
Where’s Luxembourg?
South of Germany,
North of France.
Oh.
Yeah, right between the two.
It’s tiny.
Very tiny? Okay.
You just crushed that.
Thank you.
This whole time,
I thought it was hard.
Turns out it’s super easy.
It’s easy.
We could have done this.
Still dry.
Very, very well done.
Very, very impressive.
Oh, my God. We did it.
That was super good.
He stayed dry.
He stayed completely dry.
Wow.
I’m impressed, but I feel
wipeoutgypped.
The Fittest Man
in Luxembourg and Squats
have set the time to b*at
with an amazing
4 minutes and 59 seconds,
but with Friends 4 Life
waiting in the
Wait, what’s that?
Okay, due to
unforeseeable circumstances,
the Friends 4 Life
have dropped out
of the competition.
Opposites att*ck had the next
best run in the Gauntlet,
so they’ll take their place
just moments from now
in the Wipeout Zone.
Welcome back, America,
to the epic conclusion of
tonight’s episode of "Wipeout."
Yup, yup.
No time to waste, John.
Let’s finish this right here,
right now,
because I already ordered
my Uber home,
and Armant is waiting
in his car outside.
Two teams remain
My passenger rating, John,
cannot afford to lose
any more stars,
so let’s wrap this up, okay?
Four minutes and 59 seconds
is the time to b*at,
set by the Fittest Man
in Luxembourg and Squats,
but Opposites att*ck
are hoping to shirk
their underdog moniker
once and for all.
Drew approaches
the Silver b*llet,
Fittest Man and Squats
watching on,
hoping their time holds up.
All right.
This is gonna be so fun.
While John continues being
awkward AF
as he waits for his partner.
Three, two, one.
There’s the launch, and so
throws Drew into Lake Wipeout.
Okay.
Yeah!
Great job, honey.
That was a great splash.
You know, some say
they compare the Silver b*llet
to falling three stories
into an ice bath.
Oh, this is slippery.
Drew approaching Vertigo.
She’ll have
to mount the obstacle...
Yes.
Make it to the center,
hit the button
That’s a great climb. Yeah!
Why is it icy?
She gets to the other side
and land on the platform
to tag her partner.
And this is a very
slow ascent, I’ll say.
This is an alternate team.
These guys are stepping up
and stepping in.
You got this, baby!
Thank you, baby.
She’s gonna do it once.
She’s got to make it count.
There we go.
There she goes.
A little hesitant.
Uhoh.
There she goes.
Ooh.
That’s fine.
That’s still great.
She’s got a feel for it now.
She’s got a feel for it.
Uhhuh. Yes.
Oh, boy.
Now, Nicole, you know
if they do that horn...
Yes, yes.
That means
they’ve timed out,
and Connor and Caitlin
have won.
Or the party has started,
and we all get
to take tequila sh*ts.
Drew lines up
for attempt two on Vertigo.
Oop, she almost fell
off the platform.
You can do it!
Okay.
Come on.
Oh!
Ooh.
Drew got one leg up,
but couldn’t commit.
Damn, that girl is flexible.
We’re getting there.
It’s just so much farther
than it looks.
You’re doing great, baby.
Keep it up.
John, continue
being encouraging.
Thank you, John Cena!
Okay.
She’s alive.
Yes.
She’s got to make it
to the middle...
Oh, I forgot about that.
To hit the button.
Working your way
towards the center.
Uhoh.
Will she make it
to the middle?
She’s got to hit the button.
The ramp will come down,
and then she can go safely
to the other side
hopefully without falling.
One peg at a time.
One peg at a time.
She’s one rung closer
to the middle.
Oh no. Oh no.
This could be bad.
Oh no. Oh no.
Oh, this is so fun to watch.
She’s about to go
upside down.
She is.
Oh, but maybe she’ll fall
right on that middle.
Maybe she’ll fall
into the middle.
Which I believe she just did.
Yes!
Yeah!
She made it to the middle.
Yeah!
You’re almost there, baby.
You’re almost there.
She’s in a pretty
Oh, oh, oh, okay.
She’s in
a pretty rough spot.
Drew got knocked around
like a pinball,
but amazingly doesn’t
fall into the water!
Excellent save.
Drew making it interesting.
She’s on the outside.
She has to jump now.
Dang it.
We’re inching closer.
Uhoh.
Ooh!
Oh.
And that is it.
That means Connor and Caitlin
have won $25,000!
We did it.
Oh, my god, baby.
Awesome job.
We won...
Whoo.
Whoo!
We did it.
Congratulations,
Connor and Caitlin.
You did it!
Yes, congrats.
So proud of you.
That was awesome.
From the Fittest Man
in Luxembourg and Squats
to "Wipeout" champions,
this truly was a team effort
the whole way through.
That does it, America.
Oh, John, that sounded
like a thr*at.
The only thr*at I’ll make is
that if you join us next week,
you’ll see a batch of brandnew
teams taking on the course
and competing
for a $25,000 prize.
Until then, I’m John Cena.
And for Camille Kostek,
I’m Nicole Byers,
saying good night
and Big Balls!
Good night, guys!
Night, Mr. Cena.
01x03 - OMFG Girl Run!
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Contestants try to navigate an extreme obstacle course that has been designed to provoke an unprecedented number of crashes, face plants and wipeouts as competitors fight to win a grand cash prize.
Contestants try to navigate an extreme obstacle course that has been designed to provoke an unprecedented number of crashes, face plants and wipeouts as competitors fight to win a grand cash prize.