My name is Cleveland Brown
And I am proud to be
Right back in my hometown
With my new family
There's old friends and new friends
And even a bear
Through good times and bad times
It's true love we share
And so I found a place
Where everyone will know
My happy mustache face
This is The Cleveland Show
Love the pool, Cleveland.
Yeah, who says pools need to...?
Need to be in the ground or look nice?
I went into the Tar-zhay
to get some medicated arch supports...
...and I walked out
with this sweet-ass pool.
You walked out with, uh,
this whole pool?
Fit in my trunk.
Water not included.
Nine rings. New record.
Opened my eyes too.
No goggles. No regrets.
You getting in, Junior?
No. I don't like to take my shirt off...
...in front of people
on account of my Frisbee nips.
Mine has grown together
so they look like the MasterCard logo.
Ha, ha. Priceless.
Roberta, I don't mean to embarrass you
or sound old-fashioned...
...but ye maidenhood showeth.
- My what?
- Your...
You know what? It doesn't matter.
You're doomed.
- Ow, bitch!
- My bad.
From where I was standing,
it looked like I was throwing to a man.
Rallo, what did I tell you
about getting too close to this pool?
Calm down, Donna.
The boy's just trying to have some fun.
Don't tell me to calm down.
I told you I think this pool is dangerous.
It's like now we've got
two loaded g*ns in the house.
Hey, is that Djimon Hounsou?
Where? Aah!
Ha, ha. Now you gotta
change your clothes.
And get your hair done.
And get a new cell phone.
Junior's been snoring
every night this week, Cleveland.
Why don't you just go in there
and wake him up?
I would,
but he started locking his door at night...
...because he's scared
of the rock band KISS.
He saw them on American Idol
and thinks they're real.
- Cleveland, he is 14 years old.
- I know.
Well, I read
in Reactionary Parent Magazine...
...that sometimes snoring is a symptom
of serious health problems.
Snoring is?
Stop making so much noise,
you fat loser.
He can't help it, Rallo.
I wasn't talking to him.
Oh, I'm sorry, good night.
I make so much noise sometimes.
Stupid.
Here, put these Band-Aids
in your pocket.
- But, Daddy, that's stealing.
- They're free. Hurry.
Junior, your tests are back
and it appears you have one...
...of the most overdiagnosed childhood
disorders in America, sleep apnea.
But you really have it. Probably.
I think a light diet and losing
a few pounds should solve this.
And what I imagine are countless
other problems in your life.
Doctor,
Junior's been on a "light diet" for years.
Yeah, what else you got?
Well, there is something
called a CPAP machine.
- Here you go.
- Cool. Ha, ha.
I'm Jacques Cousteau.
Hey, those aren't your Band-Aids.
Oh, Junior. Stealing?
- Good morning, family.
- Oh, sweet Lord.
- How'd you sleep, Junior?
- Better than ever.
I'm alert, I have tons of energy,
and my poo came out with no tears.
I feel so good,
I'm gonna wear this mask to school today.
Junior, I don't want you to embarrass
yourself by wearing that to school.
But if you're going to,
at least take off your underwear...
...so no one can pull it over your head.
Okay.
One problem at a time, Donna.
Look, everybody, it's Robohog.
Hey, it's Optimus Prime Rib.
Get it? Because in that mask,
you look like a fat robot.
No, I got it.
But I need my mask to breathe properly.
Breathe properly?
What are you, gay for oxygen?
Derek, we all need oxygen.
- Yeah, man. Stick to the fat jokes.
- Fine.
What's up, fatty? Ha-ha-ha.
He's back.
Why so blue, Junior?
I got made fun of
because of my fat problem.
I'm sorry to hear that.
You want a piece of pizza?
Oh, sure. Thank you.
You know, it seems like us heavy-sets...
...are the only group you're allowed
to make fun of anymore.
Well, us and even
the smartest of the Polish.
There should be a hate crime law
for people like us.
Or a weight crime law.
That's it. If we got a law passed
to protect us from ridicule...
...all our problems would be solved.
Then it's settled.
- We're doing it.
- Thanks, Miss Kendra.
Now, give me a hug.
Cleveland, we are completely
out of graham crackers.
Will you keep an eye on Rallo
while I run to the store?
Make sure he stays out of the pool.
Cleveland. Cleveland, do you hear me?
Yes, Donna.
Lou Ferrigno could hear you.
He drops back.
Oh, he sees an opening and he takes...
Help, I can't swim!
Somebody help me!
Oh, my God, no!
They're doing another season
of The Bachelor? Mm.
This world.
Wait a minute, I don't remember buying
a coaster shaped like a dead kid!
Rallo, my angel.
Oh, can you hear me?
Oh, God, if you die,
I am never getting laid again.
Ack! I should have done this
before the plunger.
I gotta bury the body.
Even better.
Rallo, are you okay?
You saved my life, old man.
From now on, you need anything,
you come to me.
Oh, I don't need anything from you.
Other than to never mention this
to your mother.
Why not? You're a hero.
Yes, but, Rallo...
...if your mother finds out
you were running around this pool...
...boy, will she be mad at you.
She might even ban you
from the pool completely.
A hero and a genius.
I won't say a word.
But I will never forget this...
...like E.T. never forgot Elliott.
- Hello?
- E.T. phone Elliott?
Oh, hey.
- What's up?
- Nothing since we talked yesterday.
Do you still have that bike?
Again, no, E.T.
I don't still have the bike I had
when I was 10.
What about the blanket?
Nope, no blanket either.
Listen, I gotta go, E.T.
Elliott!
- What?
- Hi.
My name is Cleveland Brown Jr.,
and I'm here to recruit you.
For too long, this world has marginalized
and ridiculed fat people...
...assuming that just because our feet
are often numb that we don't have feelings.
But they're wrong!
My name is Kendra Krinklesac.
And our ballot measure guarantees equality
for all obese heterosexuals.
Hey, it'll be okay.
We'll vote for this one
and then in time...
In time.
Glad I lived to do this for you, old man.
Because I saved you. I saved you.
Yes, I did. Yes, I did.
How many times do I have to tell you...
...not to leave your baseball cards
spread out all over our bed?
I was seeing which guys I had
and which guys I need.
- Cleveland, how many times do...?
- Hold up.
You need to treat this man
with the respect he deserves.
- Excuse me?
- No, Cleveland, she needs to hear.
This man's a hero. He saved...
Money on car insurance with GEICO.
Ha-ha-ha. Get it?
What the hell are you talking about?
Hey, I almost forgot,
Djimon Hounsou's in the front yard.
Really?
You were supposed to be watching me...
...when I fell in the pool, weren't you?
- Yes, I was. Yes, I was.
- And I almost drowned?
- Mm-hm.
You realize I own you now, right?
That you do, yes.
Empty your pockets
so I can take what I want.
Dang.
Well, well, well, what have we here?
That's my grandfather's pocket watch.
I think you mean my pocket watch.
There is no way on God's Earth
I am letting you have that watch.
Cleveland wasn't watching me
and I almost drowned...
...in his white-trash-above-ground pool.
Here, take the watch,
you little hombitch.
All right. I love this watch.
It's classy.
What time is it, you say?
A quarter past the hour.
So, Cleveland and Lester...
...how does it feel to have your son
and wife be the laughingstock of our town?
Shut up, Eraserhead.
Laughingstock?
What are you talking about?
According to the news, Junior and Kendra
are the king and queen of the fatties.
I boned a fat chick once as a goof.
Had to date her for eight months
before she let me. Fell in love.
Asked her to marry me. She said no.
Said she boned a short guy as a goof.
Pfft. Chicks aren't funny.
Ah, drink up, fellas.
You don't wanna be sober
when you walk into that booth...
...and see your names associated
with the grossest thing on Earth.
- Fat people.
- Prolapsed rectums.
Hey! Prolapsed rectums are not funny!
Shh! It's coming. It's results time.
I wish I could cross my fingers.
- Here now with the news,
- Dwayne Meighan.
Good evening. I'm Dwayne Meighan.
Today was the day
when they had an election.
Everybody went
and said what they had...
... about a measure
called the Brown-Krinklesac...
... for the fat people or the fat individual.
They had people that you were signed
your name on a sheet...
... and then you could say yes or no
and that was for you...
... but everybody got to say yes or no.
At this juncture,
several people on a voluntary basis...
... had counted
what they had called a ballot...
... that was what they had said yes or no.
They had made one pile for yes
and another pile for those who said no.
Both piles where then counted,
double-checked...
... as the result
of which was made official.
Word had been the measure
had actually been defeated.
I'm sorry, Junior.
They had a camera out...
... at what they had called a polling place
earlier with my friend Larvell.
- Larvell?
- Um, I'm actually at the polling place...
... and, um, there were
so many had... Um...
Some guys...
Hey, wait, here are some guys, um...
Hey, guys,
did y'all, um, vote on Brown-Krinklesac?
- Yeah.
- These guys voted.
Hey, um, how did y'all vote?
We both voted, "Hell, no."
That's right. N-O. No.
So suck on that, fatties.
I think we're in big trouble, Lester.
That is until we disappear.
Seems like that's the story now. Hmm?
You know, Miss Kendra...
...right now, I weigh more
than I ever have in my whole life.
- And yet I've never felt smaller.
- That's beautiful.
You know what's ironical, Junior?
Nothing. Ironical isn't a word.
Nothing is ironical, but go ahead.
I was just gonna say
that all I wanted was to be accepted...
...but now I feel more left out than ever.
That's beautiful too.
Even though it's kind of exactly
what I just said.
And it wasn't just our families.
This whole town is full of skinny jerks.
You know what? We don't need them.
There's got to be some place
better than this.
Where people are free
to be who they are.
Where a person is judged
not by the size of their belly...
...but by the color of their skin.
- Huh?
Screw Stoolbend.
- We're hitting the road, Junior.
- Yay!
Get your motor runnin'
Head out on the highway
Lookin' for adventure
And whatever comes our way
Yeah, darlin', go make it happen
Take the world in...
Born to be wild
What are you doing,
man? Where's my Kool-Aid?
Rallo, I've been busting my butt
following your orders all day.
I just finished ironing your clothes...
...and painting that Eazy-E mural
over your bed.
I'm exhausted. Give me a minute.
A minute? Oh, is that how long
I was unconscious or was it longer?
Now, get out of that pool
and make me a Kool-Aid.
You're crazy!
No, I'm just bigger than you.
You're 5 years old...
...and I'm not gonna let you order me
around my own house anymore.
But you almost k*lled me!
No, you almost k*lled you.
I just wasn't paying attention.
And I should've been.
I'm truly sorry.
- Aah! What was that for?
- That was for making me eat a stick.
- We straight?
- Yeah, we... We straight.
Good. I love you, Rallo.
- Now, learn to swim. The river's that way.
- Yes, sir.
Man, I got this parenting thing down.
Hmm, haven't seen Junior
in a couple days.
You had me kick in for gas money
but I notice this runs on electricity.
Hmm?
Junior, I think
I see something just over this hill.
I've heard tell,
but I never knew it was real.
They call it Wisconsin.
Look at me. I'm walking again.
Hey, you folks,
wanna try some crazy butter?
- What's that?
- It's three sticks of butter in a mug...
...with melted cheese on top.
Hells, yeah, I want that crazy butter.
Oh, won't you take me home tonight
Oh, down beside your red firelight
Oh, and you give it all you got
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rockin' world go round
Hey, listen here
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rockin' world go round
I thought eating anything and everything
would solve all my problems...
...but maybe the eating
is a symptom of other problems.
You just blew my mind.
Out of my way, large sir. Move it.
Oh, everybody's sticky.
- Dad.
- Lester?
How did you find us?
I got a LoJack for your Rascal
when Cleve...
Uh, those Puerto Ricans moved in
down the street.
Well, you wasted your time coming here.
You hurt me, Lester.
Kendra, you may be morbidly obese...
...but I'm the one
who acted like a big fat fool.
Because, disgust me or not, I love you.
- Please come back.
- I don't know.
I strongly urge you
to consider your options.
Let's go home.
- Let's go home too, Junior.
- Not until you apologize for what you did.
I'm sorry you're fat.
Junior, fat people don't deserve
special treatment just because they're fat.
Being fat is a choice.
Do you choose to be pudgy?
Wha?
You... You think I'm pudgy?
Hurtful.
That's it. No more fries.
Just chips. Or cheese fries.
- You want some cheese fries?
- I could eat.
Hey
I was just a skinny lad
Never knew no good from bad