Whoa!
What's going on here?
Oh, hey, Rallo.
We're just going to watch
a tiger fight a Komodo dragon.
Roberta, light the ring!
All right!
But why is this happening
in our living room?
We do stuff like this
every night
after you go to sleep.
Wait a minute, what time is it?
8:12?!
It's past your bedtime.
Who wants a sno cone?
Rallo, why are you still awake?!
You get up to bed right now.
But I wanna watch...
Baby, you're little,
and you need sleep.
I'm tired of being treated
like I'm a second-class citizen
because I'm little!
Drinking out of sippy cups,
painting with my fingers,
Cleveland putting me in a cage
when you're not around...
Not a cage. It's a crate.
Rallo, the reason
little people have no rights
is because your brains
are small,
so you're not very smart yet.
Do we at least
have time for a story?
Fine...
The Giving Tree
by Shel Silverstein.
Release the beasts!
Ooh!
There was a needy man,
and a h*m* tree
that never had the guts
to make its move.
The end.
Aw, man...
Look!
The dragon's sprouting wings!
So's the tiger!
Hop on, Junior,
we're flying
to the moon!
♪ ♪
Yay!
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown ♪
♪ And I am proud to be ♪
♪ Right back in my hometown ♪
♪ With my new family ♪
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
♪ And even a bear ♪
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
♪ It's true love we share ♪
♪ And so I found a place ♪
♪ Where everyone will know ♪
♪ My happy mustached face ♪
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
Hey-hey... boss-man!
You wanted to see me?
Please, Cleveland,
sit down.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Cleveland, you're black,
aren't you?
Yes, uh-huh...
Well, I don't want
to sound r*cist,
but the company got two
court-side tickets
to the NBA All-Star Game
in Los Angeles
and I'd like to
give them to you.
Is there saddamy involved?
No...
I just thought
someone of your hue
would enjoy watching
some basketball.
Well, hue've
got that right!
Thanks, you
r*cist sumbitch!
♪ All-Stars! ♪
♪ Hollywood! ♪
♪ Courtside! ♪
♪ Courtside...! ♪
Going to a ball game.
Flawrence, send in Jose.
I want to give him a Datsun
pickup truck
filled with alley furniture.
Hop up.
No way!
I'm not getting in here.
I'm a growing-ass man!
Come on. Just get in the cart.
You get in the cart.
These people don't know me.
Can't, 'cause you're too fat.
I will hit you. Get in!
Stranger danger! AMBER Alert!
Child abuse!
Fine.
I'm gonna do
my own shopping.
Get some name brands.
How bad you want it?
Tough guy, huh?
Keep it.
Typical!
They only got one
small cart left.
Why?
Because nobody
gives a crap
about us little people.
I hear you, man.
Just take mine.
I don't got no money, anyway.
Thanks, slick.
The name's Marty.
Marty Barty.
Montclair Tubbs.
But everybody calls me Rallo.
Walk with me, Rallo.
You're allowed to drink?
Of course.
Why wouldn't I be?
'Cause you're little.
sh**t, my old lady
won't let me do anything.
What a disgrace!
No one should tell
one of us guys
what we can or can't do.
Okay Marty,
I got the menthols,
pudding, and condoms.
Let's go.
Damn, Marty,
you got it going on!
You can too, Rallo.
Call me sometime.
There you are!
How many times have I told you
not to go wandering off?!
You're not the boss of me!
The hell I'm not!
Don't you make me spill my wine.
I wonder if I can smoke in here.
Ugh!
Nightgown?
Like I'm sleeping
with Gargamel.
What are you doing?
Not you, Dumbledore.
Check this out!
Got a little
competition going.
I had each of the guys
make a video
about why I should pick them
to come with me
to the NBA All-Star Game.
Why should you take me
to the NBA All-Star Game?
Because some white men can jump!
And now...
from Stoolbend Junior College,
at 5' 3 1/2",
Hol...
Screw this. Next!
Hey, Cleveland.
You should take me to the game.
But don't take it from me.
Take it from number one
Laker fan, Jack Nicholson.
You can't handle, uh, the truth!
Here's... Johnny!
I'm an aging icon who,
at this point,
is more tolerated than admired.
Hold up!
You got two free tickets
to the All-Star Game
in Los Angeles?!
I've decided on my own
to take Donna.
Aw, Cleveland,
you're worse than one of Ben
Franklin's non-famous sayings.
If you put your penis on
something, it's yours.
No one else can eat it.
Go on, write it down.
And because he was a rat,
he's sleeping with the fishes.
"Rat sleeping
with the fishes."
That's crazy. Ain't got
no cheese underwater.
So what do you wanna do?
You ever play the ponies?
I used to play the ponies.
I'm more into dinosaurs now.
You're a real screwball,
you know that, Rallo?
You wanna drive?
I didn't think people like us
could drive.
Rallo, people like us...
can do anything we want.
Here, you drive.
All right!
Yeah!
Whoo!
All right! All right, Rallo!
Rallo's driving?
That's just crazy.
Arise, Cameron!
You guys are going to
Hollywood?!
Can I...?
No.
I made you this locket,
so you don't forget me.
When you close it,
our faces touch.
And kiss each
other on the cheek.
I'll write you every day.
Junior, we're back
the day after tomorrow.
Reminds me of you
at that age.
When are you coming back?
What day is it?
Tuesday.
Never.
Go, six! Go, six! Go!
Go! Go! Come on, six!
Do it, six!
Daddy needs
a new pair of Crocs!
Poop on the track, six!
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Thanks for today, Marty.
Should we go back and check on
that guy I ran over?
His sign said
he was in Vietnam.
I'm pretty sure he can handle it.
Oh, man. For a little person,
you sure live large.
I still live with my mother.
You know what?
You and your mom
sound way too close.
You need another lady
in your life.
How's about you go on a date
with my sister?
What's she look like?
You'd be doing me
a personal favor.
I'll pay for it.
Any restaurant you choose.
Cheese E. Charlie's!
Rallo, you're a riot!
Meet her there at 6:00.
You don't mind if I take her
in the ball pit, do you?
I call it that, too.
California, here we are!
Only survivors.
Hey, look!
A palm tree!
♪ ♪
Hollywood is gross!
Hi.
Well, the book says
downtown is the new hot spot.
This is just one
overpriced restaurant
surrounded by thousands of
drug-using bums!
How about
we try Beverly Hills?
This is all
stupid Iranians
and botched
plastic surgeries.
Let's try
the beach.
There's raw sewage running
directly into the water!
And everyone's swimming
in their dungarees!
How about we try one of
L.A.'s thousands
of marijuana stores?
This is the greatest city
in the world!
Earthquake!
Mudslide!
I love L.A.!
We love it!
Marty said you were cute,
but he didn't tell me
you were drop dead gorge!
Marty suggested
by his silence
that you were
not attractive,
but you're all right.
I'm LOL-ing so much.
I haven't LOL-ed this much
in awhile.
It feels so good to LOL.
You guys ready to order?
I'll have three glasses
of chardonnay.
Uh, chocolate pizza.
So, what do you do?
I go to school.
A student! Huh!
Marty usually hangs out
with guys in waste management.
Real apes!
Hey, how'd you like
to visit the ball pit?
I don't know.
It looks like
a lot of people been
in there today.
You're right!
♪ ♪
Cool! We're getting here
in the third quarter,
just like real L.A. fans!
And look at all these
celebrities.
There's that hottie
Anna Torv from Fringe.
Fridays at 9:00 on Fox!
Fringe.
It's about space
or something.
There's Denzel
Washington!
Ooh! I'm gonna give him
some tonight.
Get in line.
♪ ♪
Anybody else tired of always
having to dribble the ball
whenever you want to move?
Man, I hate
dribbling.
And it can't be good
for the floor.
Shaq's right.
Hey, if we all get together
and say we're not gonna dribble
anymore, what are they gonna do?
And why can't we
play in the morning,
and then just get on
with our day?
I have a garden.
Flowers, tomatoes,
nectarines...
I like dribbling.
I love NBA games!
It's the only place where you
can get drunk on light beer
and yell at millionaire giants.
Watch.
Hey! Dork Nowitzki!
English is
not my first language.
What is this "dork"?
Uh, it means "handsome."
Oh!
Thank you!
Hey, Kevin Garnett!
Smooth move going straight
to the NBA,
instead of going to college!
Good luck getting
into grad school, chump!
Oh, no!
You do not talk
to my son like that!
Well, your son is sh**ting
three for 15.
What percentage is that, Kevin?!
He doesn't know,
'cause he didn't go to college!
Do you know
what percentage that is?!
I was a ceramics major.
Sit down and keep
your mouth shut,
you Stanley-from-
The Office- looking dope!
Hey, Mom!
Why is Stanley from The Office
yelling at you?
I do not look like Stanley
from The Office.
Seriously, I do not look like
Stanley from The Office.
You know, Stanley from
The Office
looks like our fat son.
I hate this show now.
Hi, Rallo.
How was your little date
at Cheese E. Charlie's?
You have fun
with your girlfriend?
Yeah. We're getting married.
Don't.
Oh, that is the cutest thing
I've ever heard.
You are quite
the little gentleman!
Well, she kept saying all her
friends are getting married,
something about
her eggs drying up.
Plus, she's got pretty big boobs
for a five-year-old,
so I said, "Whatever,
I'll marry you tomorrow."
What's her ass like?
It's important!
You're all terrible!
Ever hear of something called
"defense"?
Cleveland Brown
representin' the 555!
Stoolbend, Virginia, y'all!
I'm out!
The 555, y'all!
I know we won,
but it's hard to enjoy it
after that guy called me
"Steve Trash."
He called me
"Dwight Coward."
I know because I thought
he said my name,
but when I waved to him--
as I do whenever anyone says
my name--
he enunciated it more clearly,
and this time I realized
I'd been insulted.
You know what?
I'm gonna banish that guy
to Jerk Island.
Jerk Island?
What's that?
It's just a place
in my mind
where I send
unkind people.
Don't you understand,
LeBron?
He insulted my mother.
Before I was a seven-foot
millionaire NBA star,
I was just a scared
six-foot-tall first-grader
who could barely dunk.
But that didn't matter to Mom.
She believed in me.
I just wish
I could get through
one All-Star Game
without crying.
Come on, now, LeBron.
We wouldn't be All-Stars
if we couldn't access
our emotions.
Come here, give me a hug.
We're going to Virginia.
We're gonna set Cleveland
Brown straight.
Hey, let's hope the refs
don't call us for traveling.
Oh, my God, Shaq!
Traveling!
"Traveling," he says!
What's up, Rallo?
What you doing today?
What's up, Bernard?
What's it look like?
I'm getting married.
Married?!
Is she black?
No.
All right!
Of course.
Well, that's too bad
you're busy,
'cause we just found ourselves
a breast augmentation pamphlet.
We thought we'd drive our
Matchboxes over some boobs.
Well, why didn't
you say so?
Come in, gentlemen.
♪ ♪
I put a wedding together on
a day's notice,
and this bastard doesn't show?!
Of course he left!
They always leave!
Nobody wants
to be Mr. Trish Barty!
I'm hideous!
Don't you say that.
You're a solid five.
Let's go, fellas!
We're gonna k*ll Rallo Tubbs!
Tony!
Damn hawks!
All right.
Everybody lock arms for safety.
What a great trip!
Cleveland, you have
to write Mr. Waterman
a thank-you note.
Ugh! Now it seems
not worth it.
I-I want Rallo
to suffer, Marty!
Make him feel the pain
I'm feeling now!
I'm gonna go at Tubbs with
all the muscle I can get.
Where to?
Can you drop us off
at Cleveland Brown's?
Sure, I know exactly where
that is.
And remember, driver carries
less than $20 in change.
And I got family.
♪ ♪
Step aside, little man.
I was here first.
Who are you calling
"little"?
Hello.
Shaq's in trouble!
Shaq, wish yourself
out of there!
For the last time, Dirk,
Kazaam was not real.
But it seemed
so real.
Come on, you Chatty Cathies.
We gotta help him!
You're tickling me!
All right, leave me alone, stop it!
Ah! Hey, hey! Oh!
Hey, get off!
Get this guy off me!
LeBron, help me!
Here you go, buddy.
Right there.
Hey, come on now! Get off!
Ha! You're not gonna
believe this!
There's a bunch of elves
in tuxedos
attacking NBA All-Stars on
our lawn!
This is the best day ever!
There he is!
Get him!
♪ ♪
You thought
you could leave
my gross sister
at the altar?!
Wait! No!
Five is too young to die!
Wait. What?!
You're just a kid!
Aren't you?
I can't believe I made
this mistake again.
No, Rallo, Trish and I are
little people.
Yeah, I'm a little
person, too.
No. "Little people" means
we're adults
who are the size of children.
Oh, you mean midgets?
We don't like that word.
Yeah, but you say "midget,"
at least people know
what you're talking about.
You know, you got a point.
Oh, Rallo,
I tell you something,
you dodged a b*llet with Trish.
Where's that hawk
when you need him?
Come on, sis.
I'll wait for you.
Don't.
Please don't hurt me.
I didn't mean what
I said at the game.
I had eaten six pounds of
medicinal peanut brittle!
We don't want to hurt you, Cleveland.
Neither the NBA
nor its affiliates
condones v*olence as the
solution to any problem.
But you did make fun
of my mother,
and I can't let
that slide.
Where's your mother?
She's right here.
Oh, yeah?
Well, yo mama's so ugly...
Kevin!
Mom! What are you
doing here?
Someone forgot to call his
mother when he landed.
And someone also forgot
his manners.
Apologize
to this nice lady.
Sorry, Mrs. Brown.
Oh, I'm sure my son did
something to deserve it.
Cleveland, is there
something you want to say?
No!
Ow, ow, ow, okay, okay!
Sorry for real!
Friends?
Oh, come here, you!
See? LeBron James does
care about Cleveland.
Ha!