♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
♪ And I am proud to be
♪ Right back in my hometown
♪ With my new family
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
♪ And even a bear
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
♪ It's true love we share
♪ And so I found a place
♪ Where everyone will know
♪ My happy mustached face
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
♪The Cleveland Show 4x05♪
Hey, everybody.
Breakfast house is ready.
Where's the buttery butter
and the mapley syrup?
Nuh-uh!
This is my house, punk!
I believe
it's in fork-closure.
Oh.
Oh, here,
you can have the chimney.
I love you, my boy.
Well, I'm not eating.
I need to look orphan-thin
for my Annie audition.
Broadway audition?
Off Broadway?
Regional theater?
Summer stock?
Dinner theater?
Cruise ship?
Talking to yourself
in the mirror?
Community theater.
Oh. I was still three away.
Good morning, everybody.
Notice something?
Not much.
A lot.
Rallo, why are you
Porky Pigging it?
Because I slept all night
without a pull-up.
Boom! Dry! Bone dry!
You know what
this means?
Silk boxers?
He can stop sleeping in the tub?
Nothing?
It means he's not
a baby anymore.
Oh, my God,
you're right!
This a monumental day!
We can finally get rid of all
his baby crap in the garage.
Hang a tennis ball in there.
Park it just right every time.
Rallo, bring the kerosene
from your bedroom!
Junior, bring your torch!
No! Stop!
You forgot his baby book
and the CD of all
his baby photos.
Rallo, today you
are a dead baby.
♪ We ain't got no babies
♪ We ain't got
no babies ♪
♪ We ain't got no babies
♪ We ain't got
no babies. ♪
Hey, now let's burn everything
that belongs to Roberta!
Mm.
Cleveland, I've been thinking.
What?
I'm 42 years old,
Oof.
and there are some things I'm
afraid I won't be able to do--
have a successful career,
backpack across Europe.
Or wear a bathing suit
without a skirt on it.
Or have another baby.
Mm-hmm.
Well, night, now.
Cleveland...
I want to have
another baby.
Uh? Wha...?
I want to have
another baby.
Donna, we just
got rid of a baby.
Let's enjoy our
twilight years in peace.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to write a letter.
Long hand.
In the bathroom.
Peen, pen, pen, peen.
Donna wants a baby,
Donna's gonna get a baby.
The mobile is awesome.
I will hang it in my car.
We are not having a baby.
Cleveland,
if we did have a baby,
I would need some help.
So I thought we'd get
a sexy live-in nanny.
Girls!
Nope.
Send 'em back.
All right, girls.
Back on the bus.
Please no make us.
We have so much herpes.
Goo, goo, ga, ga.
I'm a baby.
I messed myself.
I love you, Daddy.
It ain't working, Donna.
What's Miss Donna
got to do with this?
♪ I'm...
♪ Singing.
Stop, stop, stop.
That was awful.
I've heard enough.
Did I get the part?
Yes. Next!
Look at me, I'm swinging!
Like Tarzan!
Whoever that is.
The franchise needs
to be revived!
Aw, man, my stock outfit.
Open can of paint...
Hey, stage manager.
Why are you
stage managing?
Because there were no
burly lesbians around
who wanted to do it.
Ha! That's who
does that job.
Let me borrow
your extra shirt.
What makes you think
I have an extra shirt?
Come on, man.
Fat guys always have
an extra shirt.
All that sweating,
food dribbling, lactation.
Okay, okay.
Go get it from my locker.
Next up Roberta De Niro?
Stage name.
All right.
Time to get discovered.
Leapin' lizards, Daddy Warbucks!
I'm...
Wait.
I don't need to hear any more.
You've got the role...
Really?!
...of kicking the stool out from under me
as I hang myself
because you were so dreadful.
Oh, it looks like
I'll never find my Annie.
Man, Junior's shirt is
unexpectedly large on me.
I feel like Al Roker
after his third surgery.
Except all this would be skin.
That'll work.
Look out,
I just waxed the floor.
Whoa...!
Wait, what's that?
Raise the scrim!
Hit the lights!
Cue the music!
(playing "Hard Knock Life"
I think we've found our Annie!
What? Him?
Yes.
This play will be
an historic display
of color-blind, gender-blind,
talent-blind casting.
I'm gonna ride this little boy
all the way to an Obie Award!
But, Mr. Gargalode,
who am I gonna play?
It's "Miss," and I'm gonna
throw you a bone.
And by that, I
mean you can be the dog.
But you...
you are the star.
Me?
I'm a star?
I want to make a rap album.
Hey, baby.
Get it?
There was an
expl*si*n at work.
I can't hear anything.
Good night.
French fries in gravy.
Hmm?
So, there was
no expl*si*n at work.
There was, I just
wasn't there.
Isn't there a part of you
that's curious to see
what the two of us
would make together?
Someone
with my determination,
good looks,
and upper-body strength,
and your last name?
I do have a good last name.
Oh, Cleveland,
just look at Rallo.
They grow up so fast.
Junior's not gonna take baths
with you forever.
I'll take that bet.
Oh!
You k*ll all my dreams!
Good night!
Good night.
Hmm, Casablanca?
Never heard of it.
Philadelphia Story?
Terrible city.
Chinatown?
Mm. Not in the mood
for subtitles.
Look Who's Talking?
I wonder if this is anything
like Look Who's Talking Too?
JOHN TRAVOLTA: Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
Yeah. Lunch.
Ha ha!
Baby called boobies "lunch."
Baby driving a car!
John Travolta kissing a woman!
And now he's
calling him "Daddy."
Look who's sobbing.
Donna. Wake up.
I want to make a baby.
You do?
What made you
change your mind?
Look Who's Talking movie.
We're gonna have a dumb baby.
Kids, great news.
We're having
a talking baby.
Like Verne Troyer?
Exactly.
What this means is
when Mommy and Daddy
put a sock on
their doorknob,
we do not bother them,
no matter how bad
the dream was,
or how thirsty we are.
Or how much we hear what sounds
like a mugging in progress.
Or what sounds like
wet chicken breasts slapping
against each other.
Mmm.
Or a boot being
pulled out of the mud.
Ooh.
Or like someone mixing
macaroni and cheese.
Cleveland.
Right.
Kids, clean that mess up.
So let me get this right.
You make a baby with mud,
chicken and mac and cheese?
That's what Paula Deen
is made of.
Ha! Got her.
Come on, Sandy,
we're going to N.Y....
I could use a
glass of water.
Junior, you mind
getting me some water?
There's a water fountain
right there.
We can't have our star
drinking from a public fountain.
That water's 90% lead.
And while you're at it,
get me some Pringles.
I am wore out.
Monday Night Raw.
Is anyone curious why?
Curious? No.
Trapped? Yes.
Guys, Donna and I
are making a baby.
No, you're not.
What?
You got a vasectomy.
No, I didn't.
Yeah, you did.
Six months ago.
We all got drunk and
played Truth or Dare.
Holt got a tramp stamp,
you got a vasectomy,
and Tim tried meth.
One time, one time.
Okay, two.
A vasectomy?
So that's why my boys
hurt for three weeks.
I thought a spider had
laid eggs in there.
Donna?
There's something serious
we need to talk about.
Mm. Down, Brown.
Donna, a few weeks ago,
while presumably
blackout drunk, I...
Cleveland, I sent the kids
on a six-minute errand.
You know what that means.
No one will
hear me whimper?
♪
Leapin' lizards, Daddy Warbucks!
Your mansion is way better
than mean ol'
Miss Hannigan's orphanage.
Annie, you're all right.
Oh! This is stupid dumb.
How come Rallo gets to
rehearse on Skype?
Because he was unhappy
with the humidity level
in the auditorium.
Annie got to have her frizz.
You know, just
a thought on Sandy...
I think to really sell "dog,"
she should be eatin'
real dog food.
Oh, my God!
Get out of my brain! Yes!
Annie, got your gum!
I got that, did you get it?
Yeah, I got it.
That's Hubba Bubba.
I asked for
Dubble Bubble.
They're both gum.
They are not both gum.
When I ask for something,
I get it!
And this goes
for all of you!
Turn me. You!
Turn me. You!
Turn me again. And you!
Me?
All of you!
If Annie's not happy,
you got no show.
It's you have no show.
And by the way,
you do have no show.
If you want to do a musical,
you have to pay for the rights.
Oh...
I've heard that.
Yeah, I've heard that more.
And since we spent
all our budget
on Rallo's grandiose
demand-ee-ohs,
we have no money.
Therefore, no play.
What demand-ee-ohs?
Well, your trailer, for one.
What?
I'm not gonna be a star?
Exactamundo-rooney!
Thank God.
Rallo was turning
into such a diva.
He was so mean.
But his occasional compliments
made me walk on air.
The thing is, my wife and I
have been having crazy sex.
Lights on, clothes off,
first names... everything.
But turns out I had a vasectomy.
Is there any chance I could
still get her pregnant?
Zero.
But the procedure
is reversible.
Great! Let's do it.
Okay, just put this on,
while I disclose a few of
the potential side effects.
First, fluid buildup
and swelling of
the genitals.
Always a concern.
Go on.
Bleeding in scrotum.
Okay.
And sperm granuloma.
I prefer milk on my granuloma
in the morning.
Oh, , yes, I see.
No, no, no, sperm granuloma
occurs when
sperm leaks into your scrotum
and forms an inflamed mass.
Oh.
But don't worry.
I've done this twice on a dummy.
Now lie back and relax.
Now to make
the initial incision...
I'll try to match
your natural seam,
so as not to slice
against the grain.
Preesh.
All right, I've made the cut...
and I've made a mistake.
Nurse, abort the procedure.
What? What happened?
Shh, shh, shh, now,
now, now, now, now.
I'm trying to concentrate.
There it is!
Got it! No!
Whoops!
It's all you.
I've got it,
I've got it!
No, no, don't step on it!
Oop...
And I owe you a
new cup of coffee.
You know what, Doc?
I'm gonna pray on this.
Gotta come clean.
Don't let her seduce you.
I will not get turned on.
CCH Pounder on the toitey.
CCH Pounder
on the toitey.
CCH Pounder on the toitey...
No! No hump!
Cleveland, I'm pregnant!
No.
Yes.
Really?
So, you're pregnant.
Are you sure?
Cleveland, I've been pregnant
five times. Yeah, I'm sure.
How could this be?
You acting like you weren't
there when it happened.
Of course I was.
I had to have been.
What possibly could've
snipped my involvement?
You know, they say babies can
hear everything in the womb.
Do you want to say "hi"?
I'd love to.
I don't know who you are,
or how you got there,
but I'll never
love you. Ever.
And I'm going to follow
your mother until I find out
who your father is,
and then lord it over her
until she is destroyed.
That is the only way
to repair this relationship.
Love you.
Oh...
I probably will love you,
after I see your little face.
Good-bye, Annie.
For us, there is no tomorrow.
Rallo?
Ro-Ro! J.J.!
I'm so sorry I got the
show-show shut down.
I ruined it,
not just for me
but for you guys,
and that terrible cast.
I let it all go to my head.
And now I'm the most
pathetic thing on earth:
a former child star.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go get this over with
and hold up a Laundromat.
Rallo, wait.
I think there's a way
to do the show
even without the rights.
We'll do our own
knockoff version!
Ack, ugh!
Girl don't know
how to whisper.
I am whispering!
And so then Dr. Fist called
to talk to Cleveland,
and I find out
he had a vasectomy
and refused to
get it reversed.
So to get back at him,
I've been faking a pregnancy.
So suddenly we're friends?
I have no one else
to talk to.
So how long you gonna
keep up the ruse?
I won't tell the truth
until he admits the truth
about his vasectomy.
But don't you still
want a baby?
Oh, I can always
have a baby.
But how often do I get to
have the upper hand
against my husband?
You know, when I can really
rub his face in it.
Your people's marriages
are so interesting.
Let's go shower off.
How dare Donna lie to me?
She drew first blood.
Not me.
I guarantee Kendra
whizzed in here.
So what are you going
to do about Donna?
Nothing.
I won't admit I'm lying
until she admits
she's lying.
That's gonna be
kind of rough.
Not nearly as rough as the hands
of this guy massaging me.
Want to take it
down a notch, Sven?
Sorry, sir.
And... boom
goes the dynamite.
Cleveland?
I'm home, and nauseous
with morning sickness
because I'm pregnant.
Cleveland?
Oh, hey, Donna.
I was just finishing up
the paint job on the nursery.
Now, before I unwrap
this expensive, Swedh,
non-returnable-once-opened
crib set I spent $2,000 on,
is there anything
you want to tell me?
Two thousand...!
No. Is there anything
you want to tell me?
No. My lovely, pregnant wife.
Nothing.
Ah! I'm blind!
Oh.
Put the 3D glasses
back on, Cleveland.
I mean, we have
to be prepared.
Unless there's something
you want to tell me.
No.
Is that...?
Ah, she's pooping!
She's pooping!
It's the miracle of...
Excuse me, excuse me.
Huge, nine-months-pregnant wife
coming through.
But her boobs haven't gotten
any bigger for some reason.
Thank you for coming, everyone.
And now, with the approval
of our team of lawyers...
Mm-hmm.
...Stoolbend Community Theatre
proudly presents
a sufficiently altered,
sound-alike knockoff production
Anny with a "Y"!
♪ It's a bad luck world for we
♪ It's a bad luck world,
says me ♪
♪ No one tucks you into bed
♪ When your mom and dad
are dead ♪
♪ It's a bad luck world.
You rotten
orphanage residents!
We love you,
Miss Shenanigans.
Crawlin' chameleons,
Papa Starbucks.
Can I really move into your
big ol' mansion with you?
Damn skippy,
Anny with a Y.
And I promise I won't
try anything nasty.
♪ Tomorrow will be so sunny
♪ Bet a bunch of money
that it's sunny ♪
♪ On that day
Ruff! We're under att*ck!
The Martians
have landed!
And they've got
space AIDS!
Looks like we have no choice.
I'm finally gonna meet you,
Mom and Dad.
In hell!
♪ Tomorrow, tomorrow
♪ There is no tomorrow
♪ The world just
got blown away. ♪
Whoo! Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
Careful.
That's a lot of
sudden movement.
You know, for the baby
that's under your shirt.
My water broke.
So we're really
doing this?
I guess we are.
Push!
Push!
Oh, the pain!
It's so real.
Give me more morphine.
Um, you've had kind of a lot.
Especially considering there's
just a couch cushion in there.
Aha! Liar!
You were never pregnant!
You're the liar!
You had a vasectomy!
If I may interject...
you're both
terrible people
who should not
have any children.
In fact, I am not
even comfortable
sending that cushion
home with you.
Shh, shh, shh.
You're with Daddy now.
Oh, he's right.
I'm exhausted just pretending
to have been pregnant.
I'm 42 years old.
Ugh.
What was I thinking?
I don't have the energy
to have another baby.
Plus, I gained 20 pounds.
Higher, Bob.
Yeah, I'm always tired.
That baby would've d*ed.
What do you say,
instead of a baby,
we just get a couple hammocks
for the side yard?
Ooh! Or maybe one
of those big ones
we can lie in together.
Or maybe a couple
one-person ones.