02x07 - Nowhere TV/Mega Muriel the Magnificent

[bunniefuu]

We interrupt this program to bring you
Courage the Cowardly Dog Show.

Starring Courage the Cowardly Dog.

[SHADOW GROWLS
THEN COURAGE SCREAMS]

Abandoned as a pup...

...he was found by Muriel,
who lives in the middle of Nowhere...

...with her husband, Eustace Bagge.

[GRUNTS]

ANNOUNCER'.
But creepy stuff happens in Nowhere.

It's up to Courage to save his new home.

[SCREAMING]

Stupid dog! You made me look bad.

[EUSTACE YELLING
THEN COURAGE SCREAMING]

The lottery jackpot is bigger than ever,
and we'll find out who wins tomorrow.

[CHUCKLES]

That's gonna be me.

Me, me, me.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Bonjour.

I am Le Quack.

[GROWLING]

I make repairs to the television machines.

I fix your television, oui?

Sorry, but our television isn't broken.

Call me when--
I mean, if your television goes...

...uh, haw do you say, kablaaey.

We don't want any.

[CHORTLING]

[GRUMBLING]

Maybe we should call that TV repairman.

We don't need to pay no repairman.

[EUSTACE MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Eustace, I don't think
you should be playing with it.

EUSTACE:
I ain't playing.

I know exactly what I'm--

[EUSTACE YELLS]

[GASPS]

[EUSTACE GROANS]

What'd you do with that repairman's card'?

[CHORTLING]

I cannot work like this. Shun, shun.

Ga, uh... Haw you say, away.

[GROWLS]

Cw!

[WHIMPERING]

Na peeking.

[SNIFFING]

Cw!

[MUTTERING THEN GASPS]

Oh!

[GIBBERING]

What a lovely stick.

Eustace, why don't you go play fetch
with Courage?

I ain't playing no fetch with no--

Wait a minute. That stick ain't no stick.

It's half of our antenna.

[COURAGE WHIMPERING]

Stupid dog brake the antenna.

[COURAGE YELLING]

EUSTACE:
And stay out.

Le job is fini.
La television is better than new.

Yeah, and I bet you wanna get paid.

Oh, yes, indeed.

[CHORTLES]

In time.

[CHORTLING]

[SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYING ON TV]

Hey, Muriel, the TV looks great.

Sc clear, so sharp, so lifelike.

[BASS NOTE PULSING]

Huh?

Duck is good. Dog is bad.

- Duck good. Dog bad.
- Uh... Ehh...

Duck. Dog.

Get rid of dog.

[SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYING ON TV]

Eustace, don't you think it's time
we let Courage back in the house?

I am going to play fetch with le dog.

Well, isn't that a lovely surprise?

Oh, my, Eustace was right.

The picture is so clear, so sharp, so lifelike.

[BASS NOTE PULSING]

Oh!

Oh...

- Oh, no.
EUSTACE: Hello, puppy.

- Huh?
- Let's play fetch.

Like this.

Good PUPPY-

[COURAGE YELLING]

[BASS NOTE PULSING]

Le Quack is good.

Le law is bad.

Le Quack magnifique.

Le law, not so much.

Well, howdy, haw do you do?

Must be slick. Must be slippery.
Must be smooth.

[PANTING]

Le Quack wants lottery money.

Get lottery money for Le Quack.

[WHIMPERS]

Huh?

[CRASHING THEN POPPING]

[GROWLS]

[YELLS]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING]

[YELLS]

[GRUNTING]

[YELLING]

[GRUNTS]

Well, howdy, haw do you do?

Golly, a clown.

[LAUGHING]

Goad one. You gut me.

[GUARD LAUGHING]

[TOILET FLUSHES]

[CHUCKLES]

[GUARD LAUGHING]

Och.

Excuse me, clown ma'am, but didn't that
sound like someone in a wet suit coming out...

...of the ladies' room inside the building?
-No.

Oh. Whoa! Ha-ha! Hey!

Hey. Oh, look at that.

[RATTLING]

[WHIMPERING]

EUSTACE:
Must be slick.

Must be slippery.

Must be smooth.

[GUARD CHUCKLING]

Hey. Whoa.

Didn't that sound like someone in a wetsuit
taking a bag of money?

- Na.
- Oh.

[ALARM BLARING]

Wasn't that the alarm going off while someone
in a wet suit walks out with a bag of money?

MURIEL:
Nope.

Well, howdy, haw do you do?

[SIREN WAILING]

Nothing unusual here.

Except for that trail of money.

Fallow that cash.

Yes, the celebration.

She is to begin in five, four, three, two...

Bonjour, les big bucks.

[LAUGHS]

[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

Hmm.

[CHUCKLES]

You pesky little dog. I thought I got rid of you.
What have you done with Ia money?

[CHOKING]

Ouch! Ooh-la-la.

[GROWLS]

I have you new, you dirty little dog.

[STATIC HISSING]

[ROARING]

Haw annoying.

Uh-oh.

[SIREN WAILS AND TIRES SCREECH]

COP:
Oh, Le Quack.

Sc we gut you at last.

Goad work, dog.

[LAUGHING]

ANNOUNCER:
And the winner of the Nowhere Lottery...

...is number 12345.

Heh?

I'm rich. Ha-ha. I'm rich.

I'm rich. I'm rich.

Unfortunately,
due to a burglary earlier today...

...the lottery is down to 17 cents.

[YELLS]

EUSTACE:
Rotten TV.

[STATIC HISSING]

[CHORTLING]

They have not heard the last of Le Quack.

[LAUGHING]

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

COMPUTER: You call getting chased
by a lunatic snowman scary? You twit.

Getting shaved head to toe by a mad barber
frightened you?

You insect.

Getting chased by a she-demon underwater
got you rattled?

Snowflake.

[GROWLS]

What are these, your memoirs?

[COURAGE STAMMERING]

[COMPUTER SPEAKING ON-SCREEN TEXT]

You flesh creatures are such pathetic mice.

[COMPUTER SPEAKING ON-SCREEN TEXT]

If I could get around, I'd show all of you
what can be done without fear.

[GRUMBLES]

Oh, yeah? Everything you say
bounces off me and sticks to you.

Now, hold it Don't hit that butto-

[LAUGHING]

[ALL SNORING]

[THUNDER CRASHES]

[YELPS]

[WHIMPERING]

New, new, Courage.

It's only a little storm.
Nothing ta be scared of.

Let's go back to sleep.

[WHIMPERING]

[COMPUTER LAUGHING]

Eustace, could you go see
who's at the dour?

[EUSTACE GRUMBLING]

Oh...

We don't want any.

[GRUMBLING]

[COMPUTER LAUGHING]

Wha--? Who the heck are you? Aah!

COMPUTER: Now I will show the world
the difference between courage and fear.

[GRUNTS]

[EUSTACE GRUNTING]

[BEEPS]

COMPUTER:
Yes, yes. I'm free.

[LAUGHING]

Stupid body.
I need a better one, with more meat.

[GIBBERING]

What is it, Courage?

Is Eustace okay?

[COURAGE GASPING]

[MURIEL SHRIEKING]

[YELLS]

[GASPS]

[COMPUTER LAUGHING]

COMPUTER:
Yes, yes.

[GASPING]

New, this is a body.

Okay, 'fraidy dog,
new I'll show you haw it's all dune.

[ROARS]

It's a daring feat never before attempted.

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Hey, stupid dog...

"some stupid lady is gonna get shat
through the stupid moan to Mars.

Oh, no.

ANNOUNCER'.
She's fearless. She's amazing.

She's Mega Muriel the Magnificent.

Na!

Hey. Hey, wait.

Before you go, get me the remote control.

Stupid dog.

[GIBBERING]

Had to came and see
what true courage looks like, eh, twerp?

[GIBBERING]

[YELLING]

Only Mega Muriel the Magnificent
would attempt such a feat...

...while wearing a fur hat.

Heh-heh. That's some woman.

Hey, that Mega lady's doing something
real freaky now.

[COURAGE GROANING]

Huh?

You'd think that getting sh*t through the moon
to Mars wearing a fur hat would be enough...

...but not for fearless
Mega Muriel the Magnificent.

New she's waiting an the San Andreas Fault
for an earthquake.

[LAUGHING]

Ready to dive in
when the ground starts racking and rolling.

[GASPS]

[SEISMOMETER CRACKLING]

[RUMBLING]

There it is, the quake
we've all been hoping far.

And in goes Mega Muriel the Magnificent.

Oh...

[SCREAMS]

You...
Look how scared you are.

[SCREAMS]

[RUMBLING]

[CHEERING]

[COMPUTER LAUGHING]

Ooh!

New that mega dame's going skiing...

...off the top of the Empire State Building
and into a sewer.

Ooh...

I just don't understand you.

You're scared of your shadow...

...yet you feel the need to risk your life
to try to stop me.

- People are such puzzles.
-Oh!

[COURAGE YELLING]

[GRUNTING]

COMPUTER:
Dog, dog, over here.

[GASPS]

Listen, dog,
I know we've had our difficult moments...

...but, well, it's not like I'm scared
or anything.

It's just that if there's an electrical surge,
I could crash, you know.

Get wiped. Zippo.

And with this being a power plant and all...

...just be a good pup
and help me get out of here.

[GRUNTING]

[BEEPING]

Hurry.
Nat that I'm frightened, you understand?

[SCREAMING]

It's amazing.
The dog came flying out of the power plant.

What a show! Haw did it feel?

[LAUGHS WEAKLY]

Mega Muriel, haw did you ever came up
with this outstanding stunt?

Nat only does Mega Muriel
have buns of steel...

...but she also has a heart of gold. Oh!

Gah! Stupid Mega woman,
picking up a stupid dog.

Don't worry, dog.

I'm done being human.

It's baring.

Who's that, huh? I'm hungry.

You flesh creatures are dull.

Dull, dull, dull.

[GROANS]

You can have your Muriel back.

[BEEPS]

MURIEL [IN NORMAL VOICE]:
Courage, your memoirs are extraordinary.

Sc entertaining.

But haw does it end?

COURAGE:
Hmm.

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

[MURIEL READING ON-SCREEN TEXT]

Courage, that's lovely.

- You're such a good writer.
-Mm-hm.

Blah, blah, blah. Haw stupid.

EUSTACE:
Stupid dog!