02x16 - The Last Patrol!

[bunniefuu]

k*ller MOTH: The atlas moth, Batman.

The largest in the world.

And the deadliest.

[BATMAN GRUNTS]

Try again, k*ller Moth.

With pleasure.

[SCREECH]

[BATMAN GRUNTS]

BATGIRL: k*ller Moth it's time someone pinned your wings back.

Get her.

[GRUNTING]

Nice technique.

Pleasure to meet you, Caped Crusader.

Big fan.

[SCREECHES]

[GROANS]

This larcenous lepidopterist is gonna be molting in the state pen.

Who are you?

Now, Batman, that would be telling.

BATGIRL: Gosh, the look on your face.

Priceless.

But we sure went on to become one heck of a team.

Now isn't exactly the best time for reminiscing, Batgirl.

[CACKLING]

Sorry.

Death traps make me nostalgic.

NARRATOR: They were the world's strangest and perhaps greatest heroes.

The Doom Patrol.

There were some who found these freakish outsiders unpredictable and dangerous.

But Negative Man, Elasti-Girl and Robot Man were passionately embraced by the younger generation teenagers who saw these brooding outcasts as symbols of their own Ioneliness and alienation.

But after saving Paris from the super-t*rror1st, General Zahl the Doom Patrol vanished at the height of their fame.

What could have driven these controversial heroes to relinquish their duties as guardians of mankind?

Hasn't my Doom Patrol done enough?

Sacrificed enough?

Why must they continue to hound us?

BRAIN: Self pity, Niles Caulder?

How unlike you.

Getting a tad soft in your old age, aren't you?

There is no more Doom Patrol, Brain, and no reason for us to fight.

Au contraire.

With your protectors gone, this is the perfect time to fight.

And the perfect time to die.

Now, Monsieur Mallah.

[GRUNTS]

Oh, what is wrong with you, Caulder?

Lost your lust for battle?

BATMAN: This criminal coup de main ends now.

BRAIN: Batman! [BATMAN GRUNTING]

[BRAIN SCREAMS]

It is too late for you, Caulder.

Your beloved Patrol is doomed.

That's not a thr*at we can take lightly, old friend.

The others have to be warned.

Yes, but we've got to find them first.

Oh, Osmund?

We're out of tortilla chips.

Be a darling and bring out some more, would you?

Ah.

[ALL SCREAM]

[BOTH GROWL]

Fear the might of the Mutant Master.

Oh, it's just you three.

Don't you have anything better to do?

Shoo! Go away and rob a bank or something.

[SCREAMS]

What?

You dare to ignore the Mutant Master?

Absolutely.

[GRUNTING]

[MUTANTS GRUNTING]

Chief?

[RITA YELLS, THEN MUTANT MASTER GROWLS]

[BATMAN GRUNTS]

[GROWLS]

A little help would be appreciated, Elasti-Girl.

I'm retired.

After what happened in Paris, I'm done.

The Doom Patrol is being targeted.

- We need you.

- Whatever.

[BOTH GRUNT]

[RITA GRUNTS]

Rita, you're a hero, not some over-fed, self-indulgent baby.

These people are in danger.

So pull yourself together.

[RITA GRUNTS]

[RITA GRUNTS]

It seems pointless for us to fight our destiny.

Welcome back, Rita.

It may be my destiny, Chief but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

Step right up, folks, and see that astonishing freak of nature the one and only amazing Negative Man.

[CROWD BOOING]

MAN: You're a fraud.

WOMAN: Get off the stage.

- You stink.

- That's right.

Go back where you came from.

Yeah.

That's right, let him have it.

That's it.

I've had it with this dump.

With you and these brain-dead yahoos.

Get yourself another monkey.

I'm out of here.

AVM MAN: Don't leave just yet, Larry.

The show's just beginning.

[CROWD SCREAMING]

[GROWLS]

[GROWLING]

[AVM MAN GRUNTS]

What in the name of P.

T.

Barnum is that?

He's calls himself, uh Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man.

I love it.

Does he have an agent?

[CARNIVAL BARKER GRUNTS]

Without your energy body, you're nothing.

[GRUNTING]

[CHUCKLES]

[BOTH GRUNT]

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

[CROWD CHEERING]

And for me they throw tomatoes.

Trainor, your teammates need you now, so lose the negative attitude.

- Yeah, l - Someone's targeted the Doom Patrol and they're using your deadliest foes as weapons.

This is no time for navel-gazing.

- But I'm - Look around you, man.

How could a hero of your abilities be reduced to this?

Where's your self-respect?

Shut up, already! For crying out loud.

After a few months in this dump, I'm way past ready to get out.

BATMAN: Good.

I'm glad our little chat helped.

Come on, we have to find Robot Man.

Batman, the motive behind these att*cks seems clear.

Someone wants the Doom Patrol reunited.

But who?

Stupid hunk of junk.

You go all to pieces but I barely got a scratch.

Life just ain't fair.

Give me another one to test.

We're knocking off for lunch, Mr.

Steele.

Lunch?

Look, half-wit maybe you need to eat, but not me.

I don't need no food, no sleep, no nothing.

In case you haven't noticed, I ain't a man anymore.

I'm a stinking robot.

Hey, you mind?

The Arsenal.

Come on, Steele, fight.

Defend yourself.

Where's the fun in destroying you if there's no challenge?

Fight! Maybe I ain't got any fight left in me.

Maybe this is what I want.

NEGATIVE MAN: Hands off the tin man.

He may be an obnoxious, anti-social jerk but he's our obnoxious, anti-social jerk.

[BATMAN GRUNTS]

What are you bozos doing here?

I don't need your stinking help.

Right, because you were doing so well without us.

[ARSENAL & ELASTl-GIRL GRUNT]

Now this is a challenge.

[GROANS]

[ELASTl-GIRL GROANS]

[BATMAN GRUNTS]

Aw, Crud.

Figures it's always me who has to save your sorry butts.

Like it or not, these losers are the closest thing to friends I've got in this stinking world and I ain't gonna I let you hurt them.

[BOTH GRUNT]

Well done, my Doom Patrol.

Well done.

NEGATIVE MAN: Guess we've still got it.

But what about Batman?

He's BATMAN: Right here.

You stayed out of the fight intentionally.

Figured if Robot Man saw his teammates in danger he'd snap out of his funk.

- You're a lousy psychiatrist if you think this is all it'll take to get me back with the Patrol.

Okay, so I wasn't gonna stand there and let them die, but I meant what I said.

I'm finished.

Do you hear me?

Finished.

ZAHL: You are indeed.

CHIEF: General Zahl.

[ALL GROAN]

[GROANS THEN GRUNTS]

[ROBOT MAN & ELASTl-GIRL GROAN]

[NEGATIVE MAN GROANS]

The Doom Patrol was already finished, so why would you?

Shock them out of their stupor and force them back together?

So I can reveal to the world the Doom Patrol as they truly are frauds and cowards.

No, Zahl, they're heroes.

Ah.

Yes, you find pleasure in playing the role of heroic saviors feeding off the adoration of the masses.

But you can't cover up what happened in Paris forever.

Yes, Chief, tell Batman what happened there.

It was several years ago.

Zahl was on the verge of his greatest victory.

Half of France was on its knees until my Doom Patrol arrived.

Then Zahl took things to another level.

He snatched an innocent woman out of the crowd.

Told us that if we didn't surrender, trade places with the hostage What could we do?

If we complied, Zahl would be free and thousands, perhaps millions of lives would be lost.

France was saved but the fate of that hostage haunted us ate away at the team until we began to argue.

Even more than usual.

That terrible tragedy destroyed the Doom Patrol.

And so we went our separate ways.

A touching tale.

But now I will show the world that the great Doom Patrol values themselves above the adoring masses that they supposedly protect.

That entire island has been seeded with powerful expl*sives.

A simple push of this plunger and it will be consumed extinguishing the Doom Patrol forever.

And that's your grand vision?

Not quite.

You see, there is another island, several miles west of here.

Fourteen worthless gnats.

Sickeningly average.

Pathetically ordinary.

That island too is rigged to explode.

And I leave it to you and your comrades, Dr.

Caulder, to decide their fate.

Say the word and I destroy them.

But let them live and Well, I'm sure you get the point.

Uh, just to make things even more interesting your every word and action is being broadcast across the planet.

Today all mankind will learn what the Doom Patrol really is.

You have two minutes, Caulder.

Make your choice.

And now, Batman, l How?

Houdini didn't need a utility belt to escape a trap and neither do I.

And now, Zahl, I'll take those detonators.

[ARSENAL GRUNTS]

[BATMAN GRUNTS]

The decision, my Doom Patrol, lies with you.

Well, Chief, you taught us that all men are our brothers.

[SOLDIERS GROANING]

The pilgrims were just ordinary men and women too.

But they longed for freedom and were willing to fight for it.

[GRUNTING]

[ARSENAL GROANS]

[BATMAN GRUNTS]

And the people who wouldn't bow to the pharaoh they were just ordinary shepherds and farmers.

I guess you have your answer, General.

[IN UNISON]

Fire away.

So be it.

[ZAHL GROANS THEN GRUNTS]

It's over, General.

Not quite.

The real detonator is here.

No! [expl*si*n]

We're all the Doom Patrol.

We're all the Doom Patrol.

ALL [IN UNISON]

: We're all the Doom Patrol.

We're all the Doom Patrol.

We're all the Doom Patrol.

We're all the Doom Patrol.

We're all the Doom Patrol.

We're all the Doom Patrol.

We're all the Doom Patrol.

No.

No, how can it be?

The world loves them even more.

Even in death, they've beaten me.

BATMAN: Rest well, heroes.

Rest well.