02x22 - Cry Freedom Fighters!

[bunniefuu]

[STARGIRL GRUNTS]

[CRASH]

Do they think that one puny fleshling can defeat Mantis?

I don't need any help to squash an ugly crabface like you.

Huh?

Okay, maybe I could use a little help.

[GASPS]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Whoa.

That was quick, Batman.

Batman isn't available, but perhaps I can be of service.

Swell.

I call for the world's greatest detective and instead, I get the knock-off version of the Blue Beetle.

Knock off?

I prefer to think of myself as a re-imagined hero for a new generation.

[SCOFFS]

[GROWLING]

[SCARAB BEEPS]

Yeah, I know Mantis absorbs energy-based att*cks.

Tell her.

[GRUNTS]

Stand back and observe there, rookie while I distract him with some witty repartee.

Oh, this'll be good.

You call yourself a villain?

I've had steaks tougher than you.

You dare mock me, insolent whelp?

Nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah! [GROWLING]

[GROWLING]

- Brilliant, now he's twice as mad.

- And hopefully, twice as sloppy.

Nyah! MANTIS: Too much energy.

[SCREAMS]

[GROANS]

Ta-da! Well, you're no Dark Knight, but I guess you're okay.

Teenagers.

[COMMUNICATOR BEEPS]

Oh, hey, Bats.

Yeah, it was Mantis.

No, don't bother, we handled it.

Ha, ha.

Yeah, she is a bit green, but we'll teach her the ropes.

[CROWD CLAMORING]

The polls are closed.

Everybody out.

[WOMEN GASP]

BATMAN: Voter intimidation is a federal offense.

Sounds like we have ourselves a hero, boys.

- You gonna be a problem?

- No, the solution.

[GRUNTS]

Looks like I need to exercise my constitutional rights.

Oh, the circus is in town.

Hey, Bats.

Thanks for the assist, O'Brian.

We can't let these hoodlums disrupt election day.

So that's why there are all those flags everywhere.

I just figured today was the Fourth of July or something.

It's January.

I know.

That's why it seemed so weird to me.

BATMAN: Look out.

- Unh! - What on earth?

- Not Earth outer space.

[WHIMPERING]

[WHIMPERS]

That's a vote against tyranny, son.

- Who's the grandpa in the goofy hat?

- That's Uncle Sam.

The living embodiment of patriotism.

"Uncle Sam"?

Does everybody in your family dress weird?

Oh, Batman, haven't seen you since the last w*r-bonds rally.

Good to see you again, sir.

Still fighting the good fight, I see.

Huh.

Uncle Grandpa's got some serious game.

He derives his power from the patriotic spirit of the masses.

[ALL CHEERING]

Always an inspiring sight.

All right, son.

Start singing, and I'd better like the tune.

You'll get no information from us.

Hail the Supreme Chairman.

[UNCLE SAM GROANS]

Are you all right?

Nothing that a few choruses of "America the Beautiful" wouldn't cure.

But first, it's time for a little history lesson aboard the Rockets' Red Glare.

Attention, people of Earth.

I am Telle-Teg, the leader of the Resistance Forces of Qward.

The Supreme Chairman, the brutal dictator of our world plans to use his weaponer henchmen to infiltrate, corrupt and eventually, take over your government just as he did here on our home world.

Earthlings, heed this warning.

We ignored it for too long, and now it may be too late for us.

BATMAN: So the aliens at the polling booths were sent to Use our constitution to blow their noses.

Telle-Teg and his men risked their lives to get me this warning of the red alien menace.

In freedom's name, we must rescue him and his people from this Supreme Chairman despot.

[WHISTLES]

Bet this stuff would bring a pretty penny down at the pawnshop.

DOLLMAN: Try it and I'll mop the floor with that rubber rump of yours.

- You read me, stretch?

- I see you've met Dollman.

"Dollman"?

[LAUGHS]

His name is Dollman?

Ha, ha! What?

Allow me to introduce the rest of my team.

Black Condor, Human b*mb The Ray and Phantom Lady.

Together with Dollman, they are the Freedom Fighters.

Oh, I like the look of your team, Sammy.

I'm glad, son, because I want you.

You mean, to join the Freedom Fighters?

Really?

Your abilities are impressive, my boy.

Can I assume you are as patriotic as Batman?

Well, uh, you could assume that.

Sure.

Good, then I hereby declare you a member of the Freedom Fighters.

[GROANS]

[YELPS]

Uncle Sam and the Freedom Fighters are sincere about their ideals.

No problemo, Bats.

Nobody's better at faking sincerity than me.

- O'Brian.

- Come on, Bats.

No one's ever wanted me to be a part of their team.

Even the league threw me out.

Give me a chance to be part of something.

To prove to myself that I'm not a three-time loser.

All right, folks, buckle in.

I'm about to let freedom ring.

ALIEN: We have lost contact with our operatives on Earth, Mr.

Chairman.

We must assume that they have failed in their mission.

I do not tolerate failure.

[GRUNTS]

I can't tell you what it means to find a home here amongst my fellow flag-wavers.

Look, buddy.

You may have Sam fooled but something tells me you're not the patriot you pretend to be.

Ah! I'll have you know that I am as patriotic as Benedict Arnold.

UNCLE SAM: We're approaching Qward.

By mimicking a meteor's trajectory we're hoping to slip through their planetary defenses unnoticed.

I'd say they noticed.

[ALARM WAILING]

Shields are down.

Hull structure is compromised.

We can't take another direct hit.

Energy blast, starboard bow.

Brace for impact.

We're alive.

Only because Uncle Sam's channeling his patriot power to protect the spacecraft.

[GRUNTING]

UNCLE SAM: They'll have patrols looking for us.

- I'll have Black Condor scout the area.

- Please.

Allow me to stick my neck out so my fellow team member doesn't have to.

That boy's as true as the red, white and blue.

And I say he's as cracked as the Liberty Bell.

[GROANS]

Hey, hot head.

Meet head butt.

Ha! This reminds me of the Battle of Gettysburg.

ALIEN: Let's get out of here.

That's no way to treat a Phantom Lady.

[ALIEN SCREAMS]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[GROANS]

[KNUCKLES cr*ck]

[GROANS]

Looks like Uncle Sam could use a recharge of patriotic spirit.

Unfortunately, that's going to be hard to find on an alien planet.

Don't worry about me.

I have enough left in the Federal Reserve to kick the Supreme Chairman's keester.

I'm Uncle Sam from the planet Earth.

My colleagues and I are here to help you shed the shackles of your oppressors.

You're welcome to join us.

Too many of our friends and family have disappeared when they stood up against the Supreme Chairman.

- We're sorry, but - We understand.

Good luck to you and your people.

The face of tyranny has muted many.

I only hope they find the one who can give them their voices.

The Qward capital is over the next ridge.

How are we going to enter the city without calling attention to ourselves?

What?

Why is everyone staring at me?

[GROANS]

Maybe being on a super team isn't as glamorous as I thought.

This must be where they're holding Telle-Teg.

Heavily patrolled.

Any frontal as*ault Would be as subtle as fireworks at a funeral.

Then I recommend we initiate Operation Lost and Pound.

Hmm?

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

Don't worry, Telle-Teg, the cavalry has arrived.

The Supreme Chairman's underestimated the power of freedom's spirit.

And you have underestimated my power to crush that spirit.

[ALL YELLING]

Can't maintain shield.

In that case, give us liberty or give us death.

Shouldn't we vote on something like that?

BATMAN: Ready?

Go.

[ALL GRUNTING]

[YELLS]

Huh?

- What do we do?

- Remember the Alamo, son.

Isn't that where they ran and lived to fight another day?

You're no Freedom Fighter.

You disgrace the stars and stripes.

[GROWLING]

[GASPS]

[GROANS]

Don't worry, I'm gonna get you out of here.

[ALL GRUNTING]

[GROANS]

It's up to you now, Plastic Man.

You're our only hope.

Make the Founding Fathers proud.

Truth is I'm no patriot.

I don't know my Bunker Hill from a hole in the ground.

I just wanted to be a part of something.

I don't deserve to be a Freedom Fighter.

Memorizing names and dates doesn't make you a patriot.

That comes from the heart and can't be faked.

I believe in you, son.

But what am I supposed to do?

The spirit of freedom is all around, you just have to unleash it.

[SIGHS]

Sam! "The spirit of freedom is all around you just have to unleash it.

" Whoa.

What are you doing?

If the Supreme Chairman finds out you're here, we will be punished.

The Chairman has captured my friends.

I need your help.

I told you, we are not heroes.

You know, on my planet, ordinary people just like you Iong stood up to injustice, even when the odds were against them.

They felt that liberty and the pursuit of happiness were worth fighting for, no matter the cost.

They were freedom fighters and you can be too.

But we would be facing impossible odds.

Did that stop Abraham Lincoln when he was outnumbered by the Redcoats on the D-Day?

No.

And when John Paul Jones and Ringo ran out of tea in Boston did that stop them from throwing their party?

Of course not.

[PLAYS ROCK MUSIC]

Yes, my friends, I, like George Jefferson before me, cannot tell a lie help me, and together we shall let freedom ring.

[CROWD CHEERING]

SUPREME CHAIRMAN: You have been found guilty of crimes against the state.

Your fate will be broadcast as a lesson for all those who dare defy my rule.

As an added benefit, Earth will be even more vulnerable to my influences.

Soon, I will be Supreme Chairman of two worlds.

Pity none of you will be alive to witness it.

PLASTIC MAN: Stop the presses.

[GRUNTS]

Here to play the hero, I see.

Oh, no, not I, your supreme ugliness just the greatest patriot in the universe.

He's a real Yankee-Doodle Dandy.

[SINGING]

Oh, Yankee-Doodle went to town Riding on a pony Stuck a feather in his cap And ate some rigatoni Can someone tell me what he is doing?

PLASTIC MAN & CROWD: Yankee-Doodle, don't hiccup Yankee-Doodle's daddy Rewind the music to the start Because everyone loves candy Everybody, sing.

[ALL SINGING]

att*ck! Impossible.

You should be dead.

Freedom's spirit never dies.

That's a lesson you're about to learn the hard way.

[ALIENS GROAN]

[GRUNTING]

[ALL SHOUTING]

Mr.

Chairman, I believe you've just been voted out of office.

By those caterwauling peasants?

This isn't a democracy.

Might makes right.

[BATMAN GRUNTS]

Looks like you could use a helping hand.

[SUPREME CHAIRMAN YELLS]

[GRUNTS]

That's one way to see stars.

I may be only a foot tall, but I'm big enough to admit when I'm wrong.

You are a true patriot.

Now, Plastic Man there's someone very special who would like to personally thank you.

Mr.

O'Brian, I know I speak for all the people of Earth when I say, that you are a real American hero.

Gee, thanks.

And you are?

[BATMAN GROANS]