07x08 - Fast and Soft

[bunniefuu]

♪

JANE: Anne, are you still awake?

Scootch over.

I've had a day.

So, get this...

A young woman comes into the ward today,

I'd say , tops,

average looking, unusually big earlobes.

So, anyway,

turns out she's seven months pregnant,

father's nowhere to be found,

and she doesn't want this bastard baby.

So what does she do?

She tries to k*ll herself.

Apparently, the poor thing

threw herself off her
grandfather's tractor,

and hours later they found
her over in a canola patch

with her tibia poking out of her leg,

covered in dirt, blood, and flies.

It's all pretty gruesome,
if I'm being frank.

Fortunately,
the baby made it, but yikes!

The future does not
look too bright for him.

Anyway, Anne,

that's why you shouldn't
have sex until you're .

I'm gonna go get a drink.

[DOOR SLAMS]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

JANE: Well, look who's here.

Mom, I need your help.

Come on in.

[SIGHS]

Oh, hey, there are
my two favourite people

in the whole wide world.

Are you aware we haven't
had sex since Owen was born?

- Whoa, okay.
- [OWEN FUSSING]

I was just gonna ask if
you wanted me to make

some steel cut oats before
you went to work, but uh,

we can... we can pivot.

We are not gonna be one of
those couples who has a baby,

and then never has sex again
for the rest of their lives.

It's cliché,

and we are way too
attractive to be cliché.

I was just kind of waiting for
you to give me the go-ahead

because I didn't want
you to feel pressured.

Consider this your go-ahead.

My store is wide open for business,

so pressure your way on in there,
got it?

Okay, yeah, 'cause this is my
favourite store to shop at.

It better be!

So, when should I stop by for a bite?

Or to peruse the aisles?

Maybe...

cash in my reward points?

I dunno!

Make it spontaneous. Surprise me.

Alright, I will see you.

Bye, baby.

♪

KATE: So, look, um,
I have to talk to you about something.

Uh, the other night...

Yeah, that was...

[CHUCKLES] ...quite the party!

Oh, uh, yeah.
I'm sorry you had to see that.

Weird,
since we're so strictly professional.

But anyway, it's not why I'm here.

Uh, the other night...

You know what? Hold that thought.

I, um...

I got you a little something.

You got...?
Oh, you didn't have to get me...

I mean... we're colleagues, so it's...

borderline inappropriate. [CHUCKLES]

Kate 'Ole Butthole' Foster?

You bought me a star?

[LAUGHS] You like it?

[CHUCKLES] Uh, uh...

I-I... I don't. Um...

Yeah, I don't like stars.

Okay, well, then you won't be sad
to hear that yours actually...

- uh, exploded.
- It explod...? Good.

Good riddance. f*ck it.

Guess Ole Butthole couldn't
handle the pressure.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh.

Anyway, um,
I-I actually came to talk to you about

something serious.

Uh... I'm listening. What's up?

So, when you brought the Horamo
over the other night, um...

my friends and I, we took it,

and we all blacked out.

All of you?

Every last one of us.
Fully f*cking blacked out.

Some of us lost more than a day.

I mean, it all came back eventually,

but it was really scary
there for a second.

- Is that normal?
- No.

Of course, that's not normal.

We've done countless clinical trials,

and I've never heard of anything
like this happening, okay?

So thank you for bringing this to me.

I promise I will take this to
the head of R&D right away.

Oh, good, good. Well, that's great news.

Good.

Yeah.

KATE: Is she star... staring at us?

Yeah...

[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]

I'm gonna...
me and my butthole are gonna...

♪

JANE: So, what are you doing here?

Well, uh...

I...

threw Alice a sort of...

coming-of-age party.

It was a party that I
organized to commemorate

the start of Alice's sexual journey

since losing her virginity.

Oh my God, Mom!

Why don't you just go
broadcast my personal business

to the entire world?

That sounds horrible.

See? Grandma gets it!

No, she doesn't 'get it.'

because it turns out you didn't
just lose your virginity.

You had sex with other people.
In abundance, for all I know.

God, why are you
so obsessed with my sex life?

ANNE: Because you shouldn't
even have a sex life!

Well, whatever happened to
'running my own train'?

Running your own train doesn't mean

having sex all over town!

Wow, Mom.

JANE: [CLEARS THROAT]

I don't know how this concerns me.

Yeah. Yeah, how does this concern her?

It concerns her because
Alice is out of control

and way too blasé about life!

And I want you to do to
her what you did to me

so she has a healthy fear of the world,
like I do!

So, go on,
and work your twisted little magic,

and I'll be outside.

♪

- JANE: Good lord.
- [DOOR SLAMS]

♪

VAL: [CHUCKLES]

[BREAST PUMP WHIRRING]

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

ADMINISTRATOR: [ON PHONE] Yes,
this is Sheila

from the Eastside Human Milk Bank.

Milk Bank Sheila!

What a lovely surprise!

What can I do for you?

We have received an anonymous tip

that a baby has had a bad reaction

to your milk supply from last week.

Oh my.

Is the baby okay?

ADMINISTRATOR:
The baby's fine, but sour milk

is something we take very seriously.

Do you take any breast milk supplements?

Is that bad?

I only take high-quality
organic supplements.

ADMINISTRATOR: Well,
some supplements are not approved

by our network,

which is why we now have
to take a few steps.

Steps? What kind of steps?

ADMINISTRATOR: We'll need
to test a sample of your milk.

Well, how much of it? Which bag?

ADMINISTRATOR:
It'll be a random sampling.

And if they find something, what then?

ADMINISTRATOR:
There will be consequences.

Consequences?

ADMINISTRATOR: We'll have to
get the authorities involved

for the safety of the
women and babies...

Consequences... Consequences...

Consequences...

♪

JENNY: [UNDER HER BREATH] Barf.

Hey.

Yeah?

So, that thing that happened between us

the other day, it was a one-time thing.

Okay, sure, sure.

We're never doing it again! Got it?

- Got it.
- Good.

Great.

Honestly, forget it ever happened.

What happened?

[SIGHS]

GARY: Okay, heel, palm, strike,

until I tell you to stop, okay?

Heel, palm, strike.

Harder. Heel, palm, strike.

Harder. Heel, palm, strike.

Harder. Heel, palm, strike.

Harder.

Heel, palm, strike.

Harder.

Heel, palm, strike.

Good. Harder.

Heel, palm, strike.

Harder.

Heel, palm, strike. Harder.

Heel, palm, strike. Harder...

Heel, palm, strike.

Harder.

Heel, palm, strike. Harder.

Heel, palm, strike.

Harder.

Heel, palm, strike. Harder.

[JENNY MOANING]

GENA: Gary? As in...

Gary?

Gary, like G-A-R-Y?

Yes, Gary as in Gary.

Stop saying "Gary."

I know it's a bit surprising.

It's nasty. Like N-A-S-T-Y.

Stop spelling things, Gena!

I-I don't know!

Something about seeing him in
that teacher power position

turned everything about
him that was gross

into a whole lot of like...

not gross.

Oh, I see.

So Gary pins you to a mat one time

and suddenly he's sexy?

It was more than one time.

This is actually hurting my brain.

You're like way out of his league.

In attractiveness, that is.

I mean, personality-wise,
it's a pretty...

even unappealing tie.

Well, that's just it.

Maybe dating people
in my physical league

has been the problem.

Maybe this is the dynamic I'm into.

I mean, you wouldn't know it, but...

Gary is pretty blessed down there,

if you know what I mean.

Anyway, we're just having fun.

SERVER: What can I get you, ladies?

I've actually lost my appetite.

Well, I can eat for the both of us.

Oh, God...

♪

Surprise!

Hey!

What are you doing here?

Ooh, I thought I'd make
a little impromptu trip

to the store seeing as
this guy was napping

and I heard there was a big sale.

- Huh?
- This is me being spontaneous.

Oh! Okay.

Alright, well, why don't we...

make a mess in aisle one?

♪

SLOANE: Okay, nice and easy.

[BABY FUSSES]

Oh, sh*t. We should stop.

Oh, there's still time. He's just...

He's just simmering.
Let's pick up the pace

and just get it done
before he boils over.

Oh... Ow, ow, okay.

Just maybe go... softer?

Softer?

- Soft.
- Okay.

[BABY FUSSES]

sh*t... Faster...

Ow!

You know, if this is hurting,
we can just stop.

No, no, no, no.
I'm fine, I'm fine, it's just...

Ow, ow, ow.

Okay, okay, maybe go a little softer.

[BABY GURGLES]

Faster...

but soft at the same time.

Well, I can't go fast and
soft at the same time.

Those are opposing forces.

I can go fast and hard or slow and soft.

[BABY CRYING]

Just ignore him! Pick any of the forces!

Okay, regular force.

[CRYING CONTINUES]

Ow!

Uh... Yeah, I'm callin' it!

I'm callin' it!

[CRYING CONTINUES]

♪

[PHONE BUZZING]

Hey, what's up?

KATE: [ON PHONE] Hey!
So, don't freak out

or anything,
but remember the other night

when we sort of lost our
short-term memory for a bit?

Uh, yeah, I remember
not remembering very well...

Why?

KATE: Well,
I remembered that we all took

this pill called Horamo.

It's a migraine medication
that Ram's been developing.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure
that's what did it, so, um...

ANNE: You gave us something
that hasn't even been released

on the market yet? Do you know how

irresponsible that is?

Don't worry. Now Ram knows about it

- and he's on it.
- Well, I'm glad he is,

'cause that's really dangerous.

Look at it this way.

We uncovered a major
problem with this drug.

Now Ram knows about the memory loss,

and he's bringing Horamo back
to R&D so it's safe for release.

In a way we're like heroes.

Sure.

Yeah, I'm just relieved to
hear it's being handled.

KATE: One hundred percent!

Okay, seriously, where are you?
Because I am hearing birds.

Unless that's another side effect.

I'm at my mom's house.

Do you need help?

I could come get you, rescue you.

I got a full t*nk of gas.
What do you say?

I'm fine.

It's just that with everything
going on with Alice,

I just thought it might be a good idea

to have my mom scare the sh*t out of her

the way she used to
scare the sh*t out of me.

Yeah, I mean, it sort of seems
like you're perpetuating

your childhood trauma cycle,
but who am I to judge?

KATE: Anyway,
I gotta call Sloane next, so...

You know what,
I should go check on them.

It's eerily quiet in there.

JANE: g*dd*mn it!

Oh my God,
your boyfriend is so attractive.

Ooh, I love the veins on his arms.

He is very, very sexy!

Mom. Mom!

What?

What the hell?

My God, I happen to like veins!

He looks so strong!

Are veins a crime all of a sudden?

Can I talk to you for a second?

I'm all ears!

Privately.

Swipe up.

What's up?

"What's up"
is that you're supposed to be

putting the fear of God into her

so that she won't be so
cavalier about everything!

What are you talking about?

Like you used to do to me
when you would dump all that

f*cked-up sh*t on me and
then all I could think about

was how crazy the world was
and it was a scary place

where awful things happen
to you all the time!

So, all your problems and
all your fears in life,

that's all my fault?

Yeah, that's right.
So, go do it to Alice.

No!

Why not?

Look, I know we didn't have
the perfect family.

And maybe I shouldn't have
dumped all that stuff on you.

- D'you think?
- I didn't mean

to put the "fear of God" into you.

But you turned out pretty damn brassy,

all things considered.

You think you're protecting her?

You're not.

She's her own person.

If you keep fighting that,
you're gonna lose that girl.

She was supposed to get the lecture,
not me.

And that's clearly not happening.

Get up. We're leaving.

No thanks.

What do you mean, "no thanks"?

I wanna stay here for a while.

If that's okay with you, Grandma?

It's okay with me if
it's okay with your mom.

Obviously it's not okay with me!

Let's go, now!

No!

I swear to God, Alice.
Get in the car now.

Maybe a little distance
would do you both some good?

You know what? Fine.

Do whatever you want.
I don't care anymore.

[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

VAL: Aaahhh...!

I have no other choice!

Consequences.

[PHONE RINGING]

Oh, hey, Kate.

I'm just kind of in the
middle of something.

This'll just take a second.

About the whole memory loss
incident from the other night,

I just...

It turns out it's from this
pill we all took called Horamo.

VAL: A pill? Like dr*gs?

It all came back to
me once everyone left.

VAL: Oh my God, dr*gs?!

But not to worry,
like I told the others,

it's probably already worked its
way through you, so, all good?

VAL: So, it wasn't my supplements,

and I didn't have to dump
$ , worth of breastmilk

down the drain?

KATE: I mean, not sure why you have

$ , worth of breast milk,

but uh, definitely don't dump that.

Seems wasteful.

VAL: But they said there
would be consequences.

Who?

VAL: The milk people, Kate!

I'm gonna have to... let you go, Val.

Hey, are you...

You okay?

I didn't see you come...

Do you want a Benadryl or...?

It's just my anxiety-induced psoriasis.

Nothing helps.

Oh. Sure.

DENISE: Are you... alone?

Yeah, yeah.

[QUIETLY] Okay, you know what?

I couldn't help but overhear
your conversation with Ram

about Horamo,
and I just want you to know,

nothing you say
will change anything, okay?

He's like a... like a hungry hamster,

like a gluttonous gorilla.

You know all the animals, yeah?

He's greedy, Kate.

All he cares about is
being first out to market,

whether or not Horamo is ready.

I-I'm not sure I understand. I mean...

these things are regulated, right?

Maybe not closely enough.

Okay, have you spoken to him about this?

Of course, but every time I bring it up,

he gets all weird and
starts icing me out,

and sometimes my lunch goes missing!

Your lun...
okay, let's just slow down for a second.

They can't know I was here.

I-I gotta go, okay?

You know what, you might wanna
do a sweep of cameras in here,

because, you know what, like,
under the lamp or the stapler,

uh, anything could be
a camera these days.

Jesus...

♪

Ridiculous.

♪

♪ Yeah... ♪

Okay, Zo. I'll just be a minute.

Mommy forgot her sweater.

Oh.

Oh good, you're back!

Listen, I forgot to mention,
I haven't received any payment

for any of the classes yet.

Could we settle that up today?

Oh... I just...

thought we had an understanding.

I don't understand.

Well, you know,
that I'm your star student

who compensates you
very well in other ways.

[LAUGHS]

Are you really insinuating that
having sex with me is payment?

Well, I'd actually call it
an overpayment, but yeah.

Wow.

I can't believe you just said that.

I mean, I can believe it, kind of,

because you're Jenny and
I seem to have forgotten

that glaring detail for one instant,

which makes me the idiot, actually.

Relax. We both know

you're getting a great deal.

I mean, I'm a "ten" and you're a "four"!

GARY: Look, I don't know

who taught you that it's okay
to treat people like sh*t,

but it's not gonna work for me.

I only hope she grows up to be
not a total psycho like you.

Excuse me?!

Don't come to my class again.

♪

So, what do you think?

Pfft...

I think that's a pretty
substantial claim to make.

I know.

You believe her?

[EXHALES]

I don't know. She was pretty unhinged.

Her rash was just... blooming.

Okay, okay.

Spare me. Good God.

- Okay.
- You know,

I tell ya,
I wanted to be in the pharma biz

as much as anyone, but...

we got a lot to lose here.

Yeah. Ram's a great partner.

No, Kate, I mean financially.

- Oh.
- Fronterra was a big get for us.

No, yeah. That too, for sure.

You're gonna have to confront
Ram head-on about this.

As much as it breaks my heart,
if there's any truth

to what Denise is claiming,

we gotta pull out.

♪

Hey...

[SHOUTING] Hey!

Uh, I was just looking for Ram.
He's not in his office.

Any word when he might be back?

Oh, sorry, I don't know.

Oh, sh*t.

Isn't that Denise's desk?
Why is it empty?

Where's all her stuff?

I'm really not at liberty to say.

But, uh...

put it this way...

[QUIETLY] She's gone.

Wha... what do you mean "she's gone"?

[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]

The fu...?

PAUL: Hey!

How was your day?

It sucked.

I had the worst sex of my life today.

Really?

That's so weird

because I also had the
worst sex of my life today.

[SIGHS]

It was next-level bad, wasn't it?

It's like we put effort
into making it that bad.

[SIGHS]

I think I underestimated this whole

post-pregnancy sex thing.

Yeah.

You know, there's only one
way to improve on bad sex.

I'm listening.

♪

That was still pretty bad.

Yeah.

But it was better than before.

Well, thank God for that.

[CHUCKLES]

You know, we'd have more time
to practice if I moved in.

Like moved in here, moved in?

Yeah.

I mean, I'm here pretty much
every morning and every night.

It... seems like the next logical step.

You know what?

All that bad sex has
made me pretty tired.

I think we should talk
about this another time.

Sure.

Okay.

No problem.

[SIGHS]

♪ Take it up, up high ♪

♪ Take it up, yeah...
Take it up, up, high ♪

Hey.

ANNE: Hm?

You coming to bed?

Yeah, I'll be up in a minute.

[SOFT, SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]

ALICE: [IN VIDEO] I'm proud
to be my mom's daughter.

She takes great care of all of us.

She's probably the
best mom I've ever had.

She can't build anything and
she doesn't know how to sew.

But she's strong and smart,
and I love her.

I love you, Mom.

[REPLAYING VIDEO] I'm proud
to be my mom's daughter.

She takes great care of all of us.

She's probably the
best mom I've ever had.

She can't build anything and
she doesn't know how to sew.

But she's strong and smart,
and I love her.

I love you, Mom.