03x07 - Sword of the Atom!

[bunniefuu]

AQUAMAN: Outrageous.

[SINGING]

Well, ahoy, well, ahoy, well, ahoy, my friends Hope your journey here Didn't give you the bends Any worry you had, here is where it ends Look, Fluke's brought you a toy Well, ahoy, well, ahoy, oh, it's such a joy Here's my darling wife and my bouncing boy And that old Black Manta is bound to annoy Aqualad is my decoy The Currys of Atlantis Are just like you and me The only major difference is That they are royalty Well, ahoy, well, ahoy, well, ahoy, my friends Have a chair over there and relax, my friends You'll be entertained to the max, my friends Well, ahoy, well, ahoy, well, ahoy Yes.

It's Tuesday night and that means crime fighting with Batman.

Now, where did I put that trident? [STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND CLAPPING]

Guess who I caught planting a b*mb in the mailbox again.

[STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Black Manta.

Now, that's not very neighborly.

Neither is letting this blasted pet dolphin of yours swim loose.

He ruined my octopus garden.

Again.

Oh, Fluke, you scamp.

Take Manta down to the police station, will you, son? I've got to get ready.

Sure, Dad.

It's not like I have anything better to do.

Ah! There you are.

Evildoers, here I come.

MERA: Arthur.

[STUDIO AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]



- Don't wait up for me, beautiful queen.



- Where are you going, dear? Uh It's Tuesday night, so Aren't you forgetting something? I don't think so.

Gloves, boots, utility belt, trident.

Our anniversary? [STUDIO AUDIENCE GROANING]

Uh, no, of course not.

It's going to be outrageous.



- What do you have planned?

- Oh, um, lots of things.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

I wonder who that could be.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

Ahoy, Bat

-buddy.

What brings you here? On my anniversary? It's Tuesday, crime

-fighting night.

You told me to Stop by to say "hello.

" Well, hello.

And goodbye.

My beautiful coral flower you know I only go crime

-fighting in order to make the seven seas safe for you and our son.

You wanna try another one? Oh, please forgive me, my queen.

I may have no head for dates but in my heart, there's only you.

BATMAN: As the Atom, Ray Palmer proved time after time that the old cliché is true: Big things come in small packages.

Unh! [TELEPHONE RINGS]

Huh? Hunh! Atom had a colossal brain.

And a right hook to match.

His decision to retire hit just as hard.

We were lucky enough to have Ryan Choi in our back pocket.

But science was his first love, and he finally went back to the microscope full

-time.

When Chronos returned, I knew I needed Ray Palmer to come back as well.

But by this time, no one had seen him in ages.

My needle

-in

-a

-haystack search led me to the Amazon.

Under normal circumstances, the common Hercules beetle wouldn't present a problem.

But these are not normal circumstances.

[ROARS]

RYAN: So you think you're tough, huh? Do you, punk? Well, you don't know who you're dealing with.

I am Dr.

Ryan Choi, and you are going down.

Ha! That's right, I just inverted your exponential integral.

Does it hurt? [CHANTING]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Dr.

Choi.

Hello? Ahoy there, Professor.

Aquaman here.

Not a good time, Aquaman.

Nonsense.

There's something we must discuss in person immediately.

Hang on while I travel through the telephone line just as you do in your superhero alter

-ego, the Atom.

Even if you did have the power to shrink to subatomic size, I'm on a cell phone.

There aren't any wires to travel through.

You were saying, Poindexter? Aah! I was outside the whole time.

[LAUGHING HEARTILY]

Time to get serious, my gullible friend.

Batman just sent out a distress call and only the Atom can help me find him.

You know I'm retired.

Ray Palmer, the original Atom, is the guy you need.

That's the problem.

Batman disappeared while searching for Ray.

Come now.

Adventure calls.



- But I'm not a hero anymore.



- Poppycock.

Once a hero, always a hero.

This was the Atom's The fun one, that is.



- Last known location and where Batman began his search.

I'm sorry, but you look ridiculous.

For goodness sake, man, put on a cape.

Show some effort.

I am not wearing my costume, because one, I'm not a superhero anymore and two, I like pockets.

Mmm.

Pockets.

Yes.

Now, what is this? Careful.

That lens is made of white dwarf star matter.

It's Professor Palmer's shrink ray, which means See that? It's footprints.

Wee little footprints.

Batman must have shrunk himself in order to track Professor Palmer.

Then the answer is clear.

We must do the same.

I got you this far.

You're on your own now.

Very well.

But I'm not so good with doohickeys.

Can you show me how to work this gizmo? Just aim it at the subject and press that button.



- Say "cheese.

"

- No.

This isn't funny, Aquaman.

Now hand it over so I can reverse the effects.

Is this what you want?

- Give it.

Give it.

Come on.



- I'm trying to give it to you.

Well, that's just great.

How are we supposed to get back to normal size now? Why, with the amazing shrinking device in your belt.

Oh, you mean the belt I left at home because I'm not a superhero anymore? Well, no sense b*ating yourself up over it, Tiny Titan.

We'll just have to rescue Batman and the professor together.

Grr! AQUAMAN: And let's see, what else? There's snazzy costumes, protecting the innocent b*ating up villains, getting your picture on the news.

Did I mention snazzy costumes? You don't get it, Aquaman.

Being a research scientist makes me happy.

I like math.

I'd rather solve equations than get out of deathtraps.

Are you even listening? No.

I stopped once you started babbling on about math.

But look.

Batman's trail leads right into this field of battle.

Judging by these tracks, Batman fought a Dynastes hercules commonly known as the Hercules beetle.

Hercules? By Neptune.

Hmm.

These beetles are highly territorial.

It att*cked Batman immediately.

Batman was able to evade its charge.

But his Batarang proved ineffective against its armored shell.

Unh! Batman was trapped.

He threw some freeze pellets.

AQUAMAN: Yes, yes.

Then what? RYAN: Then, the beetle seems to have just vanished.

Vanished? How is that possible? There's another track here.

It's fresh.

Some species of amphibian.

[GROWLING]

[GRUNTING]

I've got you, professor.

This is why I retired.

Are you kidding? This is exhilarating.

Let go of my little buddy.

That's a species of Dendrobatid, the poison dart frog.

It secretes a paralyzing toxin through its skin.

Never trust an amphibian.

Land or water, choose a side.

[GRUNTING]

That frog must have eaten both the Hercules beetle and Batman.

Batman eaten by an overgrown pollywog? Nonsense.

And I'll prove it.

Ha! I'm immune to your paralyzing poison.

No sign of Batman in there.

Bam! Bam! Bam, bam, bam! That'll teach him to eat a superhero.

The indigenous cultures use this toxin to poison the tips of their arrows.

It might come in handy against a larger predator.

You look a mess, friend.

Here, let me help you.



- No, I'm fine, really, I'm

- There, much better.

Now what say you we pick up Batman's trail? I don't see any tracks.

Batman wasn't eaten by that frog, so what happened? Professor Palmer, I presume.

You're a little shorter than I remember, Batman.

Glad you're okay, but where have you been, old friend? I'll explain everything.

[TRUMPET BLARES]

It's like he just flew away.

Hey.

What are you doing? Jungle camouflage.

Now, how about a little help from my fish friends in reacquiring Batman's trail? Yeah, good luck finding any marine life in the middle of the rain forest.

Get the scent, boys.

Silverfish? But they're insects.

A fish is a fish.

Even if it's a bug.

Sure.

Why not? Hi

-ho, silverfish, away.

RAY: Welcome to Morlaidh.

These are the Katarthans.

I discovered them one day when I was looking for rare flora.

Their spacecraft crash

-landed long ago and they've been marooned here ever since.

This is Deraegis, chancellor to the Katarthan royal family.

You brought an outsider to the village, Palmer? Not an outsider, an old friend.

Deraegis is understandably protective of his people.

I've been trying to help them survive in this hostile jungle.

You've seen how tough that can be.

Palmer.

It looks tough, all right.

I'm so pleased you returned safe, my love.

My dear, may I introduce Batman of Gotham City.

Batman, this is the Princess Laethwen.

Your highness.

Perhaps now you can see why I've been gone.

Let me show you what I'm working on.

RAY: I've been helping the Katarthans fix their ship so they can return to their home planet.

Their warp drive uses a white dwarf star lens to focus plasma.

The repairs are nearly done, but the astro gyroscope is completely sh*t.

I have a spare in the Bat

-Jet.

I'll get it for you.

Thank you, Batman.

You and Palmer have saved my people.

Soon we will marry and you will rule by my side.

Marry an outsider? Your highness, the king never would have agreed.

I sit on the throne now, Deraegis, and I will marry whomever I choose.

Let's go get that gyroscope.

I know the jungle better than anyone.

Stay here with the princess.

My men and I will go with Batman and retrieve the part.

You're not taking me to my jet, are you? Unh! [GRUNTING]

Ray Palmer is only trying to help your people.

Palmer is trying to take over my people.

By right, the Katarthans are mine to rule.

Death to outsiders, and to that traitorous princess.

[SPIDER HISSING]

Hey, I look like You're trying to dress me like the Atom.

What? No.

Just an incredible coincidence.

Why do you insist on me being a superhero? I'm a scientist, working on discoveries that will help all of mankind.

You call yourself a scientist but you're as dumb as a sea cucumber.

Can't you see what's obvious to everyone else? You're the biggest superhero this tiny planet has ever seen.

And that's not something you can hide under a lab coat.

Unh! Did you find something? By Poseidon's trident, Batman.



- Don't worry, old chum, I'll save you.



- Aquaman, wait.

You won't make a meal of us, vile beast.

Unh! Aquaman, let go.

Electrically insulated boot soles? A foundation of any good costume.

Ray Palmer is in danger.

Let's go.

[CREATURES GROWLING]

You can't do this, Deraegis.

I am the rightful ruler of the Katarthan people.

DERAEGIS: You surrendered your right to rule when you invited that outsider into our city.

As chancellor, it is my duty to pass sentence and there is only one punishment for such acts of treason.

Death.

The people will never accept you as their leader.

Never.

Thanks to the work of your friend Palmer, they will have no choice.

[GROWLING]

Unh! Two Atoms for the price of one.

Outrageous.



- He's the Atom.



- He's the Atom.

DERAEGIS: Infidels.

Finish them.

Yes.

I'm afraid you're too late.

And too little.

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

I've been to yourjungle lab, Palmer, and I've seen your shrink ray.

I took the lens from our star drive and modified it.

I am tired of being small, insignificant, at the mercy of every living creature.

My legions will tower over the armies of men.

I will tame this planet and claim it as my own.

I have an idea.

Keep him busy.

You heard the man.

Good thing I dressed you for heroics, eh, professor? AQUAMAN: Ha, ha! You are nothing more than insects to be crushed.

[ALL GRUNTING]

Unh! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Huh? Oof! Toxin from the poison dart frog should keep him paralyzed long enough to restore him to his natural size.

So science can be heroic after all.

Will wonders never cease? Due to your brave efforts, you have saved the Katarthan people.

Aw, heh You're welcome.

Are you sure I can't change your mind, Ray? My destiny is here.

Besides, my replacement had a change of heart.

ATOM: Hold it right there, Chronos.

I am the Atom and you are going down.

Once a superhero, always a superhero.