03x15 - The Malicious Mr. Mind!

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Batman: The Brave and the Bold". Aired: November 14, 2008 – November 18, 2011.
Gotham City's finest superhero is back. He is teaming up with some of DC Comics' greatest heroes, including Batgirl, Robin, and Blue Beetle.
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03x15 - The Malicious Mr. Mind!

Post by bunniefuu »

[g*n COCKING]

[RUBIN SCREAMS]

Batboy! The Floogle g*ng is getting ready to charge.

What should we do? We shall do the moral thing, Rubin.

The noble thing.

Run! But wait.

It just so happens I have here in my w*apon belt a tiny vial of secret gas that paralyzes gangsters just long enough to take them away to jail.

[BATBOY COUGHING]

The capture of the Floogle g*ng means the end of the mysterious killings plaguing Cosmopolis City.

Hand me a tissue from the glove compartment, will you, Rube? Aah! Batboy! Batboy! Look what's in the glove compartment.

A pair of gloves.

Didn't you ever see gloves in a glove compartment? With hands in them! Another victim.

The villain must still be at large.

Quickly.

Onto our secret Bat-O-Cycle.

Obviously, the killings were not the work of the Floogle g*ng, but the Fleagle g*ng.

We'll swing down on the fiends and surprise them.

BATBOY: Missed.

Missed.

Missed.

Missed.

Missed.

Deftly, I clamber up the wall and place the loop over the post and pull it tight with a deft jerk.

Okay, you deft jerk, let's go into our routine.

Hup, ho.

Hep, whee.

Let's go.

Top of the skyscraper.

Hoo, ha.

Whee.

Whee, ha.

Ho, hee, hee.

Ha, ho.

Top of the sk Ooh.

Uh-oh.

Look.

The meanest d*ad-end kids in Cosmopolis.

The Fleagle g*ng.

Sha-bwoy-ha! Run! [SCREAMS]

But, Batboy, haven't you got some little old tiny vial of secret gas in your belt to stop them? Here's a secret gas that rids the body of offending odors.

Wait, that's my deodorant.

Aha! The secretest vial containing the secretest w*apon of all.

Tiny hairbrushes.

[WAILING]

Boy, if these weren't d*ad-end kids before, their ends will be d*ad now.

And now we deftly swing away on our rope.

Hey, look! [MAN SNORING]

Hold the phone.

This is obviously the work of the same m*rder of the other bodies.

Quick.

[RUBIN GRUNTS]

To the Bat-O-Wagon.

There's only one g*ng left in Cosmopolis that could have done this.

The Flurgle g*ng.

Once again, I deftly toss a rope.

And here we go to the hideout of the Flurgle g*ng.

Drop your w*apon, you fiends.

You, uh, monsters.

[BABBLING]

Whoa, whoa.

[GIGGLING AND STAMMERING]

[BARKING]

[PANTING]

Put away your vials, your w*apon, your mechanical devices, Batboy.

This situation calls for manly wrestling.

Right.

BATBOY & RUBIN: Fla-boi-gan! [THUDDING]

Take out your vials, your w*apon, your mechanical devices, Batboy.

- This situation calls for dirty fighting.

- Right.

[expl*si*n]

Well, that takes care of the Flurgle g*ng.

There will be no more m*rder.

Phew.

What a day.

Sometimes I wonder why you keep knocking yourself out with this Batboy schtick.

- It don't pay, you know.

- Rubin there are other things in life besides money.

Finer things.

Like power.

Now, hang up my cape like a good fellow.

[SCREAMS]

Golly.

Another body.

But the Fleagle and Flurgle gangs are all wiped out.

Then the villain can only be one other person.

- Unh.

RUBIN: Oh, my eye.

[GRUNTS]

[RETCHES AND GROANS]

Yes, Rubin.

The victim is dispatched in the same way.

Two tiny holes in the victim's big toe.

Two tiny holes punched by me.

For you see, I am no furshlugginer ordinary Batboy.

I am [IN ROMANIAN ACCENT]

a vampire Batboy.

[SLURPING]

MAN: That was awesome-sauce.

Greetings.

Bat-Mite here.

As an all-powerful being from the fifth dimension I can look in on any version of Batman ever imagined.

And believe me, there are some weird versions out there.

Today, I'll be your guide as we visit different renditions of the Caped Crusader in a little collection of stories I like to call "Batman's Strangest Cases.

" BAT-MITE: Let's just get on with the show already.

[BAT-MITE READING ON-SCREEN TEXT]

BAT-MITE: Welcome again.

To begin our little jaunt through the Bat-multiverse I suggest a stop in Japan.

Hang on for an adventure in Bat-Manga.

NARRATOR: In our last episode, Batman and Robin once again triumphed over their archenemy, Lord Death Man after he returned from the grave.

But this time, will their most cunning adversary stay buried? I'll bet this is the first time anyone has been buried twice in the same grave.

In any case, it's over now.

There is no way even he could escape from the grave again.

What's going on? Why is it suddenly so dark? Robin? [LORD DEATH MAN LAUGHING]

Ugh, that laugh.

Lord Death Man.

Batman, you fool.

Do you really think that I, Lord Death Man, can be stopped so easily? What you caught was merely the shadow of death which can slip your fingers at any time.

I've come back from the grave to destroy you.

[BATMAN GASPS]

Ghoul! Take that.

[LORD DEATH MAN LAUGHING]

[BATMAN YELLS]

[BRUCE YELLS]

Bruce, you had the nightmare again, didn't you? Yes, Dick.

Another dream about Lord Death Man.

They keep me up all night and make me tired all day.

And here I thought coming to Mr.

Star's party would be a nice diversion.

I'd rather sleep.

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please.

This afternoon, for your entertainment you will see a man literally buried alive only to emerge from the ground an hour later completely unharmed.

- What? STAR: Lower him.

Now cover him in dirt.

[BOTH GASP]

Bruce, it's been 60 minutes.

I know.

He's certain to have run out of oxygen.

He's d*ad! Wait, wait, wait.

Don't rush to any conclusions.

Look closer.

[DICK GASPS]

DICK: He's grinning.

- He's alive.

[LAUGHS]

As you see, I live.

It's a secret yoga method.

Secret yoga method? That's right.

Using the ancient Hindu art of slowed yoga breathing one can appear to stop their breath and heartbeat.

The appearance of death is quite convincing.

That's it.

Come on, Dick.

We're leaving.

Mr.

Wayne, so soon? BATMAN: Lord Death Man was using the same secret yoga method.

He made himself appear to be d*ad, then his friends came and dug him up.

[ROBIN GASPS]

He's gone! Always one step ahead.

Hmm.

"Batman, I offer you this coffin as a gift.

Lord Death Man.

" [LORD DEATH MAN LAUGHING]

Batman and Robin, I see you've uncovered my secret.

However, this will be the last time we will meet.

[LAUGHING]

Batman! [GRUNTS]

[LORD DEATH MAN LAUGHS]

Batman has taken a lead b*llet straight to the underworld.

Curse you, Lord Death Man.

It's time for Batman's funeral.

Bury him.

ASSASSINS: Huh? [ASSASSINS GRUNT]

So just playing d*ad, eh? [YELLS]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Take the wheel, Robin.

Speed up and drive in circles, creating a centrifugal force.

You got it.

[ASSASSINS GRUNTING]

BATMAN: That finishes the g*ons.

Where's Lord Death Man? [HELICOPTER WHIRRING]

BATMAN: He's taken to the skies.

I'll take care of you meddling fools myself.

ROBIN: It's a b*mb.

Activating smoke screen.

Rats.

I can't see through all of this smoke.

Power lines! No! No! [SCREAMS]

ROBIN: Lord Death Man has paid the price for his villainy.

Though I'm certain he parachuted away to safety.

I'm sure we shall meet again.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[BATMAN & ROBIN CONTINUE LAUGHING]

Lord Death Man parachuted to safety.

Right.

Who doesn't love English dubbing on Japanese animation? Now, over the years Batman has worked side by side with the world's greatest detectives.

Sherlock Holmes.

Elongated Man.

And, of course, the most famous sleuth of modern times that brilliant, brave crime-solving canine Scooby-Doo.

Like, there he is, Scoob.

Our favorite wacky songster, "Weird Al" Yankovic.

"Another One Rides the Bus.

" [SCOOBY LAUGHS]

Scooby-Doo, Batman and Weird Al.

It's the holy trinity of pop culture.

We have five tickets for Mystery Incorporated.

For real? You actually wanna go inside? Why not? Al's show is great.

The show, yeah.

But the theater? Well, it's your funeral.

I wanna thank everybody for coming out tonight.

Uh, both of you.

Uh, do I have the right night? Small crowd for a sold-out show.

Everyone else has been scared away by the Footlight Phantom.

[SCOOBY STAMMERING]

Footlight Phantom? The gruesome ghost that haunts this old theater.

Beware.

Beware.

[FOOTLIGHT PHANTOM LAUGHING]

Zoinks! Like, it's the Footlight Phantom.

Hey, there's no fog machine in this number.

Get off the stage.

[LAUGHS]

Like, the Phantom got Weird Al.

And I've got the Phantom.

Let's see who he really is.

I'll bet it's that snarky ticket girl.

Or, like, that creepy usher dude.

[LAUGHS]

The Joker? The Joker.

Yikes! Don't forget his perfidious partner, the Penguin.

You said your goony ghost routine would scare away any interlopers.

Don't ruffle your feathers.

I have a permanent solution for these meddling kids.

[JOKER LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

JOKER: For the setup, we have the mutt, the kids and the sharks.

And for the punch line, I add a huge pile of Scooby Snacks.

- Who wants a treat? - Uh, not me.

Good doggy.

We'd love to watch you feed the fishies, but we're on a scavenger hunt.

Ta-ta.

Don't do it, Scoob.

[WHIMPERING]

I can't help myself.

No! MAN: Hang on, Scooby-Doo.

I don't believe it.

SHAGGY: Like, it's Batman and Robin.

BATMAN: Hey, kids, we hope you're enjoying our adventure with Scooby-Doo but we'd like to take a moment to talk about what to do in case you get attacked by a shark.

That's right, Batman.

Shark att*cks can be scary, but you can defend yourself with a Bat-Aquatic-Menace-Neutralizer.

Make sure it's on the proper setting.

If a shark grabs your cape, don't panic.

Any quality crime-fighting cape should be equipped with a quick-release collar.

Of course, my cape has been soaked in shark repellant for just such an occasion.

[SHARK COUGHING]

Remember these tips, and you'll know what to do if a shark att*cks.

We sure are lucky you happened by, Caped Crusaders.

We've been on Joker and Penguin's trail for a while.

They learned this old theater once belonged to the notorious gangster Benny "Bulldog" Benson.

Of course.

I read that Bulldog hid a fortune in the theater but died before he could recover it.

That's what they meant when they said they were going on a scavenger hunt.

Right.

The old place is scheduled to be torn down.

Jok You see this? Someone mispainted Batman's neck.

I hate that.

- And Penguin are trying to scare everyone away so they can find the money first.

Well, I've got a plan to turn the tables on those two.

You do that, Fred.

Uh, Scoob and I will wait in the Batmobile, where it's safe.

I think I know what Fred has in mind, Shaggy.

And you'll be safe if you do exactly as we say.

Like, I was afraid he'd say that.

[PENGUIN GROANS]

We've gone over every inch of this theater and there's still no sign of Bulldog's fortune.

Yes, it's enough to put a frown even on my jolly face.

Hey.

Who's fooling with the lights? SHAGGY [AS BULLDOG]

: It's me, you rats.

Bulldog Benson.

- It's really him.

- [STAMMERING]

Or his ghost.

SHAGGY: Throw down your w*apon, you mugs.

Now, uh, take it easy, Bulldog.

- It was just a joke, see? SHAGGY: Yeah? Well, I ain't laughing.

I want youse clowns out of here, like, now.

Sure, Bulldog, sure.

Uh Go on, before I knock that silly smile off your face.

My, my, Bulldog.

You've come all undone.

SCOOBY & SHAGGY: Yikes! [SHAGGY WHIMPERS]

Like, um, trick or treat.

Freeze, you two.

[PENGUIN YELLS]

Batman and Robin.

Exit stage left.

[JOKER LAUGHS]

[ALL SCREAM]

You know, back when this show was made Batman couldn't even throw a punch.

Lucky for us, I possess near-infinite reality-warping magical powers.

Let the Bat-fight begin.

[ALL GRUNTING]

[BOTH WHIMPERING]

BOTH: Hm? [YELLS THEN GRUNTS]

[JOKER SCREAMS]

Hey, guys.

Look what I found.

Weird Al? Joker's trap door slid me right into the theater's old elevator shaft.

Luckily, there was all this cash at the bottom to break my fall.

So the only question now is what to do with it.

We can't return it to Bulldog Benson.

Like, we could split it up.

Or I could use it to finance my lifelong dream to turn the old Music Hall into the Polka and Novelty Song Hall of Fame.

Or we could, like, split it up.

My good friend millionaire Bruce Wayne is a big polka fan.

I'm reasonably sure he'd match your contribution, Al.

Ha, ha.

That's wonderful, Batman.

Done.

Or, like, we could still split it up.

We did it, g*ng.

Let's celebrate with a polka.

[PLAYING POLKA MUSIC]

Classic.

Of course, that's just the tip of the Bat-berg.

My Bat-trophy room goes on forever.

So don't forget to join me next time for another edition of "Bat-Mite Presents.

" [THEME MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]

Ooh, my favorite episode.

That's all, folks.
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