02x01 - Know it All Ed/Dear Ed

[bunniefuu]

[Whistling]

[Ed, edd, and eddy laugh]

[Trumpet-like noise]

Oh, boy. Double d, you stink.

Let a pro show you.

Certainly, eddy.

It's all technique,
sockhead, pure talent.

[Pbblllt]

Wrong technique.

Slight adjustment,
and... [Soft honk]

[Trumpeting]

I am a whale, eddy,

An endangered mammal. Hug me.

[Growls]

Ok, blubberhead.
You can't be a whale

Unless you have a spout. Ha ha.

[Laughing]

♪ I'm the king of the castle ♪

♪ And you're a dirty...

Ed and edd: dog pile!

[Laughs]

att*ck the lump!

Oh, no. Something ate my head.

All: aah!

Ed: oh, look.

A whole box of alien
exploratory probes

Dropped off in an
attempt to save fuel

During a mutiny of
pulsing brain mutants.

I think that eyebrow is
too heavy for his head.

Actually, they look
like turkey basters.

[Laughing] yeah,
right, double d.

A turkey baster.

I must have blood.

Let me bite your... Where was i?

What we have
here is a squirt g*n.

Please. A squirt g*n?

What? Yeah!

A canadian squirt g*n.

Canadians are weird.

Eddy: watch and
learn, boys. Just fill...

Even if they were canadian...

Heaven forbid... I
don't think they're...

Eddy: and squirt,
canadian style.

My turn! My turn!

Ah, one person's trash

Is another person's
treasure, I suppose.

I'm a moose, double d.

Let's share our
treasure for cash.

Every kid on the
block will want one.

Eddy, your voice can be
quite irritating at times.

Cookies and milk!

[Indistinct talking]

Kevin: all right, rolf.

My papa would ridicule rolf

For the rolling of the sphere.

Plank wants to go next.

Sarah: get in line, jonny.

Jimmy has been waiting all day.

Show them what
you're made of, jimmy.

Let me try.

I think I pulled
something, sarah.

Aah! Ooh! Aah! Ee!

Oops.

Remember the alamo!

Awesome. [Horse neighs]

Is that eddy?

What are those?

Ready for some
action, city slicker?

[Burps]

[Laughs]

You won't want to miss a drop.

What?

You see that? It's so powerful.

Looks like fun.

Is it hard?

It's easy as , , .

What?

Don't try this at home, kids.

Rolf: yes, I must try your
water sh**t, cowpoke eddy.

Yeah. Let me try.

All the way from canada,
loaded and in-stock,

At double d's house
of import/exports.

All at an insignificant
price of cents.

We'll also include
a free sock holster.

[Stampede]

[All talking excitedly]

Help.

Eddy: whoa, nellie.

They fell for it.

Today must be my lucky day.

Come on, boys.

Let's keep this
gravy train rolling.

Coming, eddy.

I was a moose once.

You can't get me.

You're a slippery
rattlesnake, jimmy.

I am? Let's ride, paisley.

Aah!

You're real slippery now.

Ha ha. Twerp.

Jonny: whoa.

[Breathing heavily]

I'm pooped, plank.

What? Gold?

Let's stake our claim, hombre.

[Whip snaps]

Ouch!

I'm going for a soda.

Eddy: hold it right
there, partner.

Hitching your horse in a
no-hitching zone, there, pecos kev?

Write him up, double deputy d.

You're a dork.

That's marshal dork...

[Mispronounces] hombre.

Edd: here you are, kevin.

Thank you.

Hey, marshal drip.

[Laughs]

This is way too easy.

Hmm. Splinters!

Your wooden money's
not good here, pecos kev.

Ow!

Hmm.

Eddy: ow!

That's a -cent
prospecting fine.

But I am washing
dishes, no-brain ed-boy.

Cents, or
days in the poky?

Ahem. Wrong cartoon, eddy.

Cattle rustling's hard, sarah.

No more branding
for you, mister.

Eddy: and you.

Jeepers. It's marshal eddy.

A -cent railroad tax.

[Laughs]

Eddy, leave jimmy alone!

Double deputy d.

[Laughs weakly]

Hmm. "Disturbing the peace"?

We're not paying.

You have gone crazy,
fast buck ed boys.

Yeah. I pay, I'm retching.

I hadn't counted on that one.

Jonny: runaway wagon.

Runaway wagon.

Sarah: what happened, jonny?

We were ambushed.

They circled our wagon.

Oh, look what those
outlaws did to him.

P.u.!

What is that stink?

What stinks?

Plank reminds me of
fresh-cut spring flowers

Spewn across a babbling
brook, with a hint of lemon.

They were headed this way.

Ha ha. Who needs
the marshal now?

It's a shame you
didn't pay your fines.

I got cents.

Huh?

Rolf: yeah, yeah.

Sarah: I'll pay to see this.

Eddy: what the...
Thanks, marshal eddy.

Kankers.

Give back my... Huh?

My squirt g*n is missing.

Kanker leader: oh, boys... Huh?

Looking for these?

[Laughter]

Jimmy: your days are
numbered, kanker sisters.

Marshal eddy is
here for your hide.

Well, he is.

And who's going to help him?

Um, we were just going
to get our harmonicas.

Right, fellas?

I love when they do this.

All: run away!

[Kankers laughing]

Blond kanker: look. They
brought us flowers.

What is it this time, girls?

Eau de wood rot, or
crankshaft number ?

Together: crankshaft.

Perfume?

Just like plank.

I don't want to
smell pretty, eddy.

Together: squirt g*ns ready.

Pick a boyfriend.

All: ow!

I'm feeling pretty
ripe right now.

Thanks for the loot, boys.

[Laughter]

Oh, it'll take weeks to
disinfect these clothes.

I smell like fresh-cut
spring flowers

Spewn across a babbling
brook, with a hint of lemon.

Nobody takes my money
and gets away with it.

I will have my revenge!

Anytime, ed.

Oh. Choo-choo!

Look, sarah, a parade.

Hee hee!

[Eddy and edd groaning]

This cowboy stuff is
m*rder on your legs.

Oh, too cool. Aah!

Someone doesn't have
much confidence in us.

Ah, they're just
trying to scare us.

Let's go.

[Edd moans]

Rolf has broken his back
and made you new mud pits.

Thank you very much.

[Hawks calling]

Hmm. No sign of the kankers.

Let's move out.

This is desperate, eddy.

What if we're captured

And forced to
clean their gutters?

I don't know what
a gutter is, eddy.

You'll be living in one
if you don't come on.

Ok, kank...

Ok, kankers. I'm
calling you out.

What took you so long?

You know what we're here for.

I love a man in uniform.

Stand your ground, deputies.

Huh? Deputies? Hmm?

[Teeth chattering]

Ready, girls?

[Yells]

[Cackles]

Draw!

Ha ha!

Tell me if I hit
them. No, don't.

Hee hee!

Oops.

Ha ha!

Oh, I feel it.

I feel the adrenaline,
eddy, baby.

Double d, double d. Double d.

Relax, will you?

It's a toy from canada.

Gee. How embarrassing.

Huh?

Are you through?

We missed every sh*t.

We won't.

Kankers: dance, cowboys.

Forget your glasses at home?

You only got our feet wet.

It's our kanker rubber cement.

Check again, dead-eye.

It feels as though
I'm in ed's basement.

We're trapped.

Time for some home cooking.

[Eddy and edd yelling]

Run home! Run home!

[Machine beeping]

[Horse neighs]

Whoa. Where's
the fire, flathead?

Ooh, fire! Aah!

No, ed.

I am melting, eddy.

[Eddy yells]

Oh, my. The detector
has detected something.

Ed: I can't see. So much smoke.

Stop.

Granddad, you ran
another stop sign.

I've marked the exact
position of where to excavate.

Double d's legs are gone.

No, ed. He wants you to dig.

Ready, elephant boy?

Edd: oh, my.

Arf!

Eddy: you're an animal, ed.

I bet it's a new car

Or a buried bank heist.

[Chuckles]

Oh, my, ed, your talents
are endless, aren't they?

Ed: I see something shiny, guys.

Jackpot!

Let her rip!

Finders keepers.

Go, ed! Go!

I think I'm going to be sick.

Is that jimmy and plank?

[Jimmy humming excitedly]

Hiya, jimmy boy.

Eddy.

What are you doing with plank,
huh? Did you steal it from jonny?

Did you, huh?

Jonny and plank
had a horrible tiff.

Jonny walked off in a huff.

Abandoned, plank was helpless.

I offered the hunk
of wood a home.

Oh, dear. Jonny alone?

Think of the pain.

Separated from his best friend.

Isolated. Fortunately,

I am surrounded by friends
who respect the feelings...

Eddy: can it, sockhead.

We're wasting time.

Jonny is defenseless.

Are you going to finish
that cupcake, double d?

[Sighing]

Boy, ed, am I happy to see you.

Want to make a sandcastle?

"Sit down and say hello, jonny."

Hello?

"Ask him how he is."

Huh?

Um... Wait.

"How are you?" "How are you?"

I'm fine.

Well, ok, a little hungry.

Um... "Feeling alone?"

Alone.

"No one to have

One-side... Sided conver...
Ver... Sations with?"

You read me like a map, ed.

Am I that obvious?

Ed: uh, excuse me, jonny.

"Meet a new friend
"at ed's friend store.

Ed, take jonny there."

Oh, yeah.

Hee hee!

Friend store?

Hmm, what's jonny see
in this stuff anyway?

Well, eddy,

Jonny's need to communicate with

An inanimate object
is quite normal,

Sometimes stemming

From a lack of self-confidence
or social phobias.

What is he?

Jonny is here. Do I
get that cookie now?

Jonny boy, you look like
you need a new friend.

At ed's friend store, your
new friend is carefully chosen

By our master
matchmaker... Buddy double d.

One lousy quarter,

And we'll set you up
with your ideal pal.

I think I'll pay.

After I'm happy
with my ideal pal.

What's with that?

Jonny, after an extensive
screening process,

I found your perfect match.

Bob, jonny. Jonny, bob.

Aah!

Eddy: whoops.
Forgot the other eye.

Hello, bob.

I like the shape
of your head, too.

Eddy: well, what do you know?

You're happy. I'm happy.

Cough up the dough.

Eddy, jonny shouldn't
rush into a new relationship.

They need to get better
acquainted. This way, please.

Come on. I'm trying to run a
business here. Work with me.

Eddy is my ideal
pal... Soft and cuddly,

Like mashed potatoes.

Yum.

[Blowing]

Hmm? Pardon. Did
you say something?

Hmm? Uh...

A planet?

My head's not that
big. My mama what?

[Ed giggling]

Oh, hi, guys.

You'll find ping-pong

To be a great icebreaker, jonny.

Not to mention a duck.

Huh? Huh?

What?

Um... Who?

Huh? Um... Ed.

Why?

Ok, jonny, play ball.

Your serve, jonny.

Oh, boy. Plank and I
played this all the time.

[Eddy laughing]

Bob spiked it.

Ed: bob is good for a cone.

Going to leave a mark?

I don't like bob.

Uh-oh.

Don't worry, jonny.

All relationships start
with a strong foundation...

I live in a foundation

With all sorts of useless
things that jonny would talk to.

Saved by the ed.

Ed: come, eddy.

[Ed laughing]

Ed, you go down the
stairs just like plank.

A friend for jonny we need.

Ed, you got to like your room.

Oh, dear. Jonny
is in a denial stage.

I got a friend for you
jonny... Somewhere.

Ed, you just
missed my... Ed: ahoy!

Wait until I get
my hands on you.

Why, eddy, that's a perfect
match for jonny. Don't you think?

Really?

Eddy: jonny, meet salty sam.

It looks a little crusty.

Don't judge a book
by its cover, jonny.

It's salty, and it's a boot.

Knock yourself out.

Ooh. Now, what
did i... Aw, look. Ed!

Huh? Oh, yes, eddy?

Get out here, will you?

These two need
some quality time.

[Chuckles]

Did you see the
sparkle in jonny's eyes?

Stop me, boys.
I'm getting frilly.

[Crashing]

Jonny: help! Help!

They're having fun.

Jonny: stop it, salty.

He's mad, I tell you. Mad!

Oh, my.

What's with this guy?

Jonny needs to
pick his own friend.

Bingo.

Jonny: friends for
life? Yes, indeedy.

[Loud music playing]

Ooh, it sounds like the
festivities have already begun.

Eddy, the music's too loud!

[Eddy turns down music]

You're disrupting the
fabric of suburban living!

[Laughs nervously]

Come on. Come on.
Lighten up, jonny.

The shindig's all
for you, curly.

Schmooze on into the party.

Check out those cool friends.

Ooh, they're all staring at me.

With a head like
yours, I'd stare, too.

Just follow ed and double d.

They'll get this
place a-cooking.

Quit standing around.

Get out there.
Dance with something.

Break the ice.

This is not my strong suit.

I'm the ice-cream man.

Move, double d.

Stop. No. Please.

Do it for jonny.

What lovely leaves you have.

Uh, oh. It's a wig. Sorry.

That-a boy, monobrow.

Ed has got a new friend.

I miss... Plank.

Dancing with a vase.

Boy, have I reached
an all-time low.

[Chuckling]

Um, would you... Like
to, ah, oh, d-d-dance

With me?

Oh, ok. Plank!

Who are you? Dance?

No, I thought... Oh,
no, I like you, too.

Oh... Oh.

Too many friends.

[Jonny moaning]

Hey there, party pooper.

Come on. Relax.

Jonny: whoa!

Eddy: take a load
off those sandals.

The party's just starting.

Check it out, rolf.

Cool party. Check
out the snacks.

Party? Jimmy, party!

Granddad?

Jimmy: someone
point me to the d.j.

Time for rolf to show
off his boogaloo, yeah!

Sarah: whee!

Let's bust a move, sarah. Whee!

Plank?

Kevin, no, no!

What is this stuff?

So lame.

My records!

Oh, that's it. I
want all of you...

Hello. Can I have this dance?

Wait! Rolf: come.

Boogaloo with rolf.

Show me where your mama lives.

Ah, fresh.

Try this one, eddy.

Boog-a-loo!

Swinging.

Hang on tight. Cha-cha-cha.

Kevin: whoa. You're a machine.

I've got goose bumps, sarah.

I'm sorry, too, plank.

Let's go home.

It's out-of-control.

Don't cut in, eddy. It's rude.

Ed: next!

Get on board the ed train.

Ed!

Call a doctor.

Together: not cool. Not cool.

Eddy: ouch. Ooh.

Out of my room.

Out. Out. Out.

I was born to be wild,

But the cage was too small.

It was a dork fest.

I actually started to sweat. Me!

Eddy: out of here.

Well, jonny found his friend.

No way.

Look, eddy.

Eddy: hey, jonny, but... But...

Give me my quarter.

Jimmy: ♪ ooh, ooh huh?

Jimmy: everybody's doing it.

Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy.

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ ooh, ooh... Ooh!

Excuse me, eddy.
This is my song.

If you can't b*at
them, show off.

Let's mambo.

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ ooh,
ooh ♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

In syncopated style.

Eddy: ed!

Ed, edd, and eddy!