04x07 - Dexter the Barbarian/Tuber Time/Sore Eyes

[bunniefuu]

Dexter, voice-over:
At last,

my greatest munition
is completed.

Now I,
Dexter the barbarian,

can set forth on my quest

to conquer the throne.

[Heartbeat]

[Grunts]

[Monsters grunting]

Looks like someone
has a bone to pick.

Huh?

[All grunting]

Hyah!

[Sword clanging]

Hyah!

[Yelling]

Rock...

Ha ha ha!

And roll.

Well, this situation just got

a whole lot hairier.

[Growling]

Nice doggies.

[Dogs snarling]

How many times
have I told you

to stay out
of my territory?!

[Dogs growling]

[Panting]

[All whimpering]

[Roars]

[Roaring]

That's it.

You are really starting
to burn me up.

Time to teach you
a lesson.

Aah!

[Screaming]

I guess he got
the point.

And now to conquer the throne.

[Toilet lid clanks]

[Flushing]

This is the best issue
ofbarbarian comi

I can hardly wait to see
how it ends.

Mom: Dexter!

Just look what you've
done to this place!

[Monster grunts]

[Rock monster stomps]

[Dog barks]

[Roaring]

What's gotten into you
today, young man?

Well...I'm gonna have
to punish you.

Try as you might,
foul demon,

but you'll be
no match for...

Dexter
the barbarian!

Ha ha!

Hyah!

Dexter: And presto!

Success!

So, class, as you can see

as outlined
in our homework assignment,

by using only
common household items--

I.e. A spare high-density
lead-combustion chamber,

kilos
of weapons cleared plutonium,

and an environmental suit--

I have miraculously created

an alternative power source
for this simple alarm clock.

[Ringing]

Yes, thank you.
Thank you very much.

Ahem. Uh, right.

Thank you, Dexter.

That was very,
um, exaggerated.

Ok, let's see, now.

Mordecai?

Uh, yeah,
well, see...

See, my mom gave me
this potato,

and I hooked it up
to this clock...

[Ticking]

And it works.

A potato?!

[Laughs]

You hooked your clock
up to a potato?

Ha ha ha!

That is the funniest
thing I have ever heard.

Hey, hey, excuse me.
What time is it?

Duh. I don't know.

It's a potato.

[Laughing]

Let me see!

Mordecai, cool!

I want
to see that!

Ooh! A potato?!

Whoa!

Excellent work,
mordecai.

Thank you
for exhibiting

a cleaner, safer,
more efficient
form of energy

for the class.

[Ringing]

Class dismissed.

[Children talking excitedly]

[Ticking]

This is amazing.

How could this be?

A potato...

Powering a clock?

Huh?

Nuclear power,
hydroelectric and solar power,

fossil fuels,
and petroleum products,

good-bye and good riddance.

My most wildly successful
experiments

beg to be seduced by the raw,
unbridled energy

of the rugged spud.

Just like the windmill
and the electric car,

the potato will revolutionize
the modern world.

Alternative energy
is

this is going to be great.

[Chuckling]

Say, computer,
what is going on?

Why has the potato

not powered up
any of my experiments?

Hmm...

How am I going
to get out
of this?

"Alternative energy
is the answer."

♪ One potato, potato,
potato, ♪

Bah! It is a curse,
if you ask me.

Ah, you can never have
too many potatoes.

Ah, ha ha!

Dexter, you are
a genius!

It will take
potatoes

to revolutionize
the modern world.

Oh, boy, oh, boy,
oh, boy.

This is going
to be great.

[Chuckling]

[Muttering]

Dad: Whoa
there, mister.

Where
do you think
you're going?

Get over here and help us
put a dent in dinner.

But, dad, I am
in the middle of
revolutionizing

the modern world.

Well, why don't you
revolutionize

your mom's world-famous
potatoes instead?

Oh, dad.

Hmph!

Dee Dee: Mom,
could you pass
the mashed potatoes?

Dad: Dee Dee, pass
the potato salad.

Mom, I can't reach
the French fries.

Mm! More
potato skins, honey.

Um, mom,
could you pass

the potato salad?

Thank you.

[Crash]

Dad, pass
the potato skins.

What do you say?

Please?

Dee Dee, more
French fries.

Ha ha!
Thank you.

Dad, the potato
knishes, please?

Attaboy.

Look who's got an appetite
all of a sudden.

Oh, boy, oh, boy,
oh, boy.

[Current fizzles]

Argh!

More potatoes.
I need more potatoes.

Where am I going to get
more potatoes?

How many?

.

You want jumbo fries?

.

chili fries.

,
baked potatoes,
please.

Oh, maybe , , , .

Whatever you got.

[Truck beeping]

I will be very surprised
if this works,

but here goes.

[Machines humming]

Computer:
Laboratory back
at full power, Dexter.

Congratulations.

Are you sure,
computer?

Yes, Dexter, I'm sure.

Great. Woo-hoo.

All rightie, then.

Hooray for alternative
power sources.

Whew!

I'm not going to repeat that
anytime soon.

[Rooster crows]

Mom: Honey,
is that you?

[Dad snorts]

[Dad mumbles]

Computer: Low power.

Low power. Low power.

Low power.

[Sniffs]

Blecch!

My alternative
energy sources--

they're rotten.

Argh!

That's it. I've had it.

I'm through.

You want a potato,
I'll give you a potato.

I'm going to give you
the most potatoest potato

that the world
has ever seen.

Nowt
mordecai.

[Alarm]

Dexter, voice-over:
Just a bit more.

Ah, the core,

the world's smallest
nuclear Dev--

ahem.

As I was saying, the...

Ahem.

Only the brilliant
boy scientist--

Dex...ter.

[Sighs]

Grr!

As I was saying,
the core,

the world's smallest
nuclear Dev--

grr!

Must prevent slippage
of glasses

at any cost!

These stupid glasses
must be affixed to my head!

[Stapling]

Aah!

All that trouble
over my weak vision,

my only physical
or mental flaw.

These stupid glasses

are holding me back.

I hate them!

I vow to repair
my pathetic corneas

by self-performing

my own laser surgery.

[Beeping]

Dexter, voice-over:
Careful.

Ok, then.
Do not move.

Perfect.

This is it.

Aah!

Now, Dexter,
how many times
have I told you

not to stare
into the sun?

You'll burn
your coronaries out.

Yes, mother.

All right,
go to sleep.

I'll see you tomorrow.

[Door shuts]

[Rooster crows]

Aah!

Eyes sensitive...

To the light!

Hey, wow.

I can see right through
the gauze.

I am so excited.

Slowly.

Easy.

Wow!

Everything looks so clear.

I can see way better

than with my glasses.

Oh, look,

my toy s.U.V.

Look how perfect
in every detail.

So this is what it is like
to have super-perfect vision.

My plant is teeming
with life

I once
could only see
with a microscope.

Ha ha! I wonder
if anyone will notice

my new eyes.

Dad,
do you notice

anything different
about--aah!

You got new pajamas?

U-U-Ugly.

Well, sorry.

Next time,
I'll make sure

I'm showered
and shaved

for his highness.

Good morning.

Breakfast.

Where's my
good morning kiss?

[Smooching]

All my family's tiny flaws
and imperfections

magnified a thousandfold

by my new vision.

Ugh!

Certainly we were never meant
to see this clearly.

I will have to call on
all my inner fortitude

to withstand the ugliness
in the world

I can now see
with such brutal clarity.

Quit talking to yourself
and eat your breakfast.

Your favorite--

sausage and eggs.

[Buzzing]

Blecch!

What's the matter,
son? Not hungry?

Oh-ho!
Give it to me.

I'll eat it.

Mm...

[Burps]

Good.

Ugh!

Oh, good. Here
comes your sister.

Look what I can do.

Isn't that cute?

Let me try that.

That's nothing.

Look at me.

[Raspberries]

[Screaming]

It is nice in nature, calming.

Everything
is so beautiful

in the countryside--

the trees,
the mountains,

the little
bunny rabbit...

[Flies buzzing]

Unless you look
too close,

and then things get
a little ugly.

Hmm...

[Thunder]

I wonder.

If everything else
is ugly,

what do I look like?

Dexter, voice-over:
I must look

my reflection
in the face.

Oh, no. Raindrops
distorting my image.

I must see me clearly,

so I can ban it with reason.

[Raspberries]

Aah!

[Door slams]

Now, what's
gotten

into Dexter?

Beats me.

Curses! Must
find a mirror.

Must see how hideous I am...

Not?

I am not hideous.

Even with my height and vision,

I, Dexter--boy genius,

am still a vision of loveliness.

Ha ha ha!

All is right with the world.

Enter at your own peril,
past the bolted door,

where impossible things
may happen...

That the world's

never seen before.

♪ In Dexter's laboratory

♪ lives the smartest boy

♪ you've ever seen

♪ but Dee Dee blows

♪ his experiments to

♪ smithereens

♪ there is

♪ gloom and doom

♪ while things go boom

♪ in Dexter's lab