03x04 - Dueling Eds/ Dim Lit Ed

[bunniefuu]

[Whistling]

Bbblllp... Yeah!

Hey, hydrant, your fly's undone.

Whoo-ha! Whoo-hoo!

[Humming]

Hmm?

Hydrants are slower
than molasses, huh, plank?

[Shouting]

For crying out loud!

Yeee-ah!

Suey! Suey!

Hoo! Yo! Yo!

Wa! Wa! Wa!

All: ooh!

I think I'm reliving that
expired tofu, plank.

Huh?

You got to be pulling my leg.

Special effects?!

That's right, grasshopper.

Only one of the
lessons you'll learn

At master eddy'z
school of kung-fu.

Wah... Oof! Ha ha!

Did I get it?

Not by a mile, ed.

Shall we try one more time?

Remember, ed, envision the log,

Focus, and make contact.

Hi-ya! Ohh!

Hallelujah!

Mind over matter triumphs.

Let's do it again, ed.

We can enroll you today

For only a quarter, grasshopper.

Now, there's a deal.
What's that, plank?

Plank says make like
a rocket and take off.

I shall honor your decision,

O head of a thousand gallons.

Double d: focus, ed.

I am one with my
shoe size, double d.

Uh...

That's nice, ed. Just
hit the dang thing.

Ed: huh!

Jonny?

Yah! Oof!

[Laughing]

Hello.

Eddy. Ha ha ha!

That was so funny
I forgot to laugh.

Let me remind you,
you wood-lovin'...

[Rumbling]

Vrroom! Vrroom!

Hey, kev!

Ever thought of
taking kung-fu lessons?

Real cheap. Get away from me.

Hurry, sarah, I
think it started.

What is it?

It's supposed to be
important or something.

Where are they going?

I hate it when they
don't tell us about stuff!

What could be more
important than master eddy?

Cookie dough!

Yum yum yum yum yum!

They say in order to gain
knowledge, one must seek it.

Shall we, eddy?

All: ooh!

Jonny: hey, rolf!

What ya doin'?

Rolf thought no one would ask.

Feast your eyes on
rolf's customary dress

Sewn together from the
membrane of the great sea cucumber!

The fittings were excruciating,

But that's another story.

All for the honor
of rolf's great nana.

Thank you, great nana,
wherever you may be.

Let us celebrate, yes? Mmm.

Every year as part of
our guilt-ridden traditions,

Rolf's family pays tribute
to rolf's great nana

And the mighty sea cucumber.

Right on!

Welcome, my friends.
Don't be shy. Whoo-hoo!

And feast from the box of food

Made from the
respected sea creature.

Mercy me.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[Whimpering]

Rolf: try one, ed-boy.

Mama's sea cucumber balls are
good for the digestion spout.

No foolin'?

Double d ed-boy?

Um, uh, heh... Oh,
why, thank you, rolf.

Eat! Eat like a pig!

Eddy: hey, double the sockhead.

You see that
knothole in the fence?

Bet I could hit it. Yah!

Eddy, no!

[Munching]

Eddy: stupid fish ball.

[Sobbing]

[Door slams]

Give it a sh*t, double d.

Eddy, show some respect.

What's your problem?

It's his hat, eddy.

He always wears it, and he
talks forever about stuff.

Not to mention his
obsession with cleanliness...

Big problem.

[Rolf moaning]

Rolf mourns the
loss of his honor.

As you leave, please
trod on rolf's face,

As eddy has shamed
the son of a shepherd.

Sarah: way to go, eddy!

Jimmy: I feel your pain, rolf.

Do not weep for...
Kevin: later, dude.

Nazz: sorry, rolf.

Rolf. What did I do?

Hurry up, guys,
before he gets up!

Ed: rolf has such good parties.

Uhhh! No, ed. We'll
leave this way.

Boy, you're heavy, ed.

Will somebody tell
me what I did wrong?

What did I do?

Let's go, eddy.

[Ed laughs]

I didn't do anything.

Uh. Oh. Ah.

Oh. Ah. Uh.

[Steering wheel creaking]

What's rolf's problem?!

Eddy: arrrgh!

Ed: uh, help me, guys.

Try and understand, eddy. Guys?

Rolf's culture is steeped
in longstem traditions,

And if you were
just to apologize...

Apologize?! For what?

I didn't do anything!

But you did, eddy.

By simply tossing
his sea cucumber ball,

You insulted
rolf's... Ohh! Boo hoo!

I hurt rolf's stinky fish ball.

It's not the fish ball, eddy.

You hurt rolf's feelings.

I didn't do anything.

Huh... Ghh!

Why don't you bake
cupcakes, eddy?

[Ding ding]

Cupcakes?

Monobrow's right.

All this talk about
food's making me hungry.

Yah-ow! Very well,
then, bake your cupcakes.

But offer them to rolf
as a token of apology.

Nope. No cupcakes.

Aww! Fine!

Then if you won't
apologize, I will!

A healthy potted plant should
open the door to diplomacy.

Oh, my!

Rolf, I may be unfamiliar
with your customs,

But this seems a tad extreme.

Rolf: go away!
[Shallow breathing]

Shah-ka-ka!

I'll give you a quarter
if you tell me.

What's going on.

Uh... Ha!

I haven't got a
clue, smarty-pants.

Hold it! Stop right there.

Humph! I suppose
you're gonna tell me

It's my fault rolf's
acting like a mole.

Give rolf the plant, eddy.

Man, you're worse
than my mother.

Here you go, rolf.

I'm sorry for hurting
your... Whatever.

[Breathing] uh!

[Screams]

It lives!

Hiya, rolf.

Hi-yah! Hiya, stretch.
Nice plant, huh?

Don't forget to
water that... Oof!

You mock rolf yet again with
the potted shrub of ridicule?

The what?

For the honor of
rolf's great nana,

I challenge you to a duel!

A duel?

Prepare yourself, ed-boy,

As honor will be mine.

What'd I do now?

Kevin: hey, rolf, need a hand?

Toss me a shovel, dude.

This is not allowed, kevin,

As the pit of the
duel must be dug

With the family shovels
of perpetual guilt.

I alone must bear the sorrow.

Uhh!

Hmm... Rrrr... Yeeh!

Orr! Nosh! Orr!

[Straining] whoa.

Enough training for rolf.

Time to fix what is broken.

[Echoing] bring me the ed-boy!

Can we stop for ice cream?

Ed, please. Eddy's concentrating
on the near-at-hand duel.

Like I'll show up...

Mr. Give-rolf- a-plant.

Look out, eddy. There's
someone on the road!

Hey, dork! It's
time for... Honk!

Boy, that was close.

[Growling]

Let the show begin.

Rrr... Rrr.

Rrr... Ptui!

Kevin: hey, squirt,
choose your w*apon.

Eddy: what? More fish?

Ugh! Choose!

[Shuddering]

[Chuckles nervously]

Holy mackerel!

Yes, I believe you're right, ed.

This is gonna be so choice.

Rolf: anything to say, ed-boy?

Uh... Jeez, rolf.

Lighten up, man.

Oh, dear. Rolf's customs have

A frighteningly high budget.

Ok, what?

I... I'm sorry, ok? There!

If this is true, have you brought
the cupcakes of sorryness?

[Thunder rumbling]

[Whimpering]

No.

[Slow motion] noooo!

Has rolf gone insane?

Eddy: ow!

Come on, eddy! [Eddy screams]

Jeez, rolf, aren't
you tired yet?

Dorky's not even
putting up a fight.

Come on, rolf, I said I was...

Sorry.

Hmm! Is it over?

In a duel, two
contestants must fight.

Two. Duel. Duel. Two.

Why do you not fight rolf?

Oh. Is it my turn?

Hit rolf!

Huh! Oof!

[Eddy screams]

Eddy?

[Thud]

The honor of rolf's
ancestors has been avenged!

Thank you.

[Groaning]

Want a copy for
future dork reference?

Boy, you stink like fish, eddy.

I'm proud of you, eddy.

You've renewed rolf's
esteem in his heritage.

How about I bake
you those cupcakes?

Too late!

Come. Join rolf with the
traditional eels of forgiveness.

Pull out your pants, ed-boys.

Best do as he says, eddy,

Lest we open old wounds.

Curse diverse cultures.

[Chuckles]

There you go.

Some for you.

Enjoy, my friend.

Gee, you shouldn't have.

Yah... Ah ah!

[Shuddering] whoo!

Good, yes?

Let me join you.

Kevin, join us in
our jubilation.

I'll pass, dude.

Son of a g*n. You insult
rolf by denying the eels?

Yah. Ah ah. Whoo. Hoo-hoo.

Ed, are you enjoying this?

I feel weird, guys.

I think I'm allergic to eels.

His face! Whaaa!

[Eels squealing]

Can somebody scratch my scales?

Bleghh!

[Piano playing ballet music]

[Huffing] whee!

Double d: be brave, fine fellow!

Hmm...

Out of the incubator and
thrust onto the world.

Let's try to adapt, shall we?

[Giggling]

By george, he's
assimilated! Whee!

Uhh!

Jimmy, stop!

Hello?

Stay perfectly still.

Somersaulting is a wild and
disreputable sport, young man.

Let's hope your carelessness
didn't harm the innocent.

See? You could have
crushed this poor arthropod.

Was that on me?

Jimmy, the grass
conceals a microworld,

Home to thousands upon
thousands of fascinating insects.

It just hitched a
ride in your hair to...

Creepy crawlies!

They're all around me.
They're all around me!

Bugs! Sarah, help!

Well, jimmy's lack of good
judgment is quite evident.

Jonny, not again.

Yep. This happens
to me a lot, double d.

Didn't you learn from
your past mistakes, jonny?

After all, it's just
common sense.

I guess not. Ha ha!

Can I help in any way?

No, thanks.

Plank already went for help.

He'll be back around
a freckle past a hair.

Interesting...

♪ La dee da dee
da dee da da da ♪

♪ La dee da dee
da dee la da da ♪

It may just be coincidence,

But it seems good judgment
is at a premium today.

Snake! Snake! I got it, eddy.

I got it! [Moaning]

Eddy: watch it,
ed! It might bite!

It has blinded
me with its venom!

Gaah!

Eddy: pull it off, ed!

It is slippery, eddy.

Did you see that
thing lunge at us?

Hmm. That is a belt.

Eddy: hmm...

But I heard it hiss, double d.

Impossible, ed.

It ain't movin' much.

It's a belt!

For cryin' out loud,
it secures your pants.

Sure looked like a snake.

Hey! I bet we could sell
this thing as an exotic pet.

I'd buy it.

That's it. I don't want
to hear any more.

The academic level
of this cul-de-sac

Is dropping like a lead weight.

If we don't provide ourselves with
some sort of mental stimulation,

We'll all be reduced
to protoplasm.

Hey, lurch, with a little paint,

That football could
look like an alligator.

You need help.

You all need help. [Screaming]

[Pig squeals]

Rolf: come, kevin.

Forget it, man.

I don't walk with the pig.

[Grunting]

I can hear the ocean, plank.

[Pig growls]

What the heck's
that supposed to be?

Don't get too close!

Our pet alligator might att*ck

With the blink of an eye.

[Musical flourish]

That's no alligator.

What do you know?
Didn't you see it move?

It's really movin'.

Run! Sing a song!

Someone stop that monstrosity.

Let's catch it
and put it in a box.

Hurry, kevin.

Feed it a rock!

Let's rug wrestle the beast.

We're sitting on
a gold mine, ed.

Ee-ay-ee-ay-oh!

[All talking at once]

[School bell rings] attention.

Your attention, thank you.

Please be seated.

All: huh?

Good day, class.

First lesson is how
to differentiate

Between an alligator
and a recreational toy.

[Clink clink]

Ooh. Ooh.

He's wrecking
everything, ed! Eddy.

Nazz, please switch
seats with ed.

Aah! Hi, eddy.

[Whimpering]

That is just one example

Of the alarming decline
in rational thinking...

[Gulp]

Rolf! Hello?

Get rid of that gum.

This is no gum.

It is the grease of a
papa's footsoakings.

Now!

Double d: look around you.

Our break from school

Has turned us into
lumbering, nonsensical ninnies!

My apologies for being so blunt.

Yes, kevin?

So, what you're
saying is, you're a dork.

[Laughing]

I see a visual aid is in order.

That's it!

[Rolf laughs]

[All laughing]

What a dunce!

Boy, kevin, that was stupid.

My sentiments exactly, nazz.

[Humming]

I've come up with
a scavenger hunt

To help stimulate our minds.

Note: each envelope
contains a list of clues.

Decipher these clues,

Collect the object
that relates to that clue,

And earn a grand prize.

What's the prize, double d?

Is it wood varnish?
Shiny tweezers?

A new brother?

It must be a jawbreaker.

Jawbreaker?!

Glistening with sugar

Like the sweat on
nana's upper lip.

Actually, rolf, it's a...

Rolf accepts the challenge!

Oh, goody. A hunt.

Hurry up, kevin.

[All talking at once]

The pursuit of wisdom
and mental cultivation.

This should... Cough
up the jawbreaker!

Hello!

No!

Oh!

But you don't understand.

Where'd you stash
it, double d, where?

I am back!

Errr... Say "toy boy"
times really fast.

In order to receive the prize,
you'll need to win the hunt.

Toy boy, toy boy, toy b...

Read the clues, eddy.

"Clue # : when I grow
up, I want to be a tree."

This is so stupid.

Absorb the clue, eddy.

"I want to be a tree."

Oh, I know!

I know!

You show 'em, monobrow!

Ha! Too easy.

I win!

Jawbreaker, please.

Mmm!

Ed, why would a watermelon
want to be a tree?

Both: jawbreaker, please!

You're not even close!

A tree.

Oh, look! An acorn!

Wait. Yes? Uh-huh.

Ok, I'll tell them.

"I'm a little acorn, and
when I grow up I want to be...

A tree!"

Acorn becomes a tree!

Acorn... Becomes tree!

Acorn... This is gonna take...

Forever, jimmy.

This is stupid!

Oh, don't say that, sarah.

Jonny's already
ahead of us. See?

Hee hee hee!

Yeah. It's a tin can all right.
Boy, plank, you're a brainiac!

Ha ha ha!

Get back here, jonny. Oof!

What's the answer
to the first clue?

Beats me.

Plank thought we'd
just collect stuff.

Like this paper!

[Gasps]

Hey! Give that back!

Hee hee! Oooh!

Nazz, this is so stupid.

You're not even trying, kevin.

Don't you want to
win that jawbreaker?

What for?

I got a whole garage full
of jawbreakers, remember?

Stupid.

[Crying]

Rolf: why do you
cry, feeble one?

You must shed tears of joy

'Cause rolf is victor
of the scavenger hunt.

This bag is full of beets.

What clue is beets?

No nothing!

The humble beet is the
answer to all riddles.

You bore rolf!

[Jimmy screams]

Rolf must claim his prize.

Sarah!

Rolf is cheating!

Pink belly!

Pink belly!

Pink belly!

Ed, please.

[Slap]

Stop it, ed.

You know how to
make ed stop, double d.

Tell us where you
hid the jawbreaker!

I can't do that, eddy.

I'd be denying you both
an opportunity to learn.

Ed... Pink belly!

Pink belly!

Pink belly!

[Slap]

There is no jawbreaker!

Oh?

Rolf: no jawbreaker?!

Swindlers!

You promised rolf
the jawbreaker.

No, rolf.

If you recall, I did not
use the word jawbreaker.

Rip-off artist!

Ooh, you're gonna pay.

Now, now, I assure
you there is a prize...

Something far more
valuable than a jawbreaker.

[Gasps]

Huh?

Are you ready?

The reward of higher learning!

This diploma will... Ohh!

Nice sh*t, rolf.

Are we too late for the prize?

Nope. One moment, please.

[Humming]

[Crash]

Break it up, boys.

[Whimpering]

There's a lesson to be...
Learned here, gentlemen.

Check it out, ed.

This looks just like an iguana.

[Cuckoo cuckoo]

Is this thing
supposed to be dead?

The iguana ain't dead, windbag.

It's just, uh...

Sleeping like a baby, kevin.

That'll be cents.

Sold!

I'm surrounded by idiots.

Who's complainin'?

Oh! Oh!

I see it, but rolf
cannot believe it!

Ohh! Ohh!