03x12 - If It Smells Like an Ed

[bunniefuu]

Bl-bl-bl-bl-yeah.

[Slurping]

Brother rolf, are you
trying to weasel out

Of your friendship duties?

No. No.

[Mumbling]

Fiddle-de-dee.

I was just pulling your
leg, silly. Thank you.

Friendship is all about
friends working together.

Isn't that right, brother jonny?

You bet your sweet
patootie, brother jimmy.

This papier-mache heart

Was a great idea, brother jimmy.

Jimmy: sister sarah?

Yes, brother jimmy?

Gotcha!

[All laughing]

You little rascal, you.

[Laughing]

I love you, too, buddy.

Nazz: hey, that's so cool, guys.

Jimmy: oh. Oh,
hi, nazz. Hi, kevin.

Join us, won't you?
It's friendship day.

Aw, that's so cute, jimmy.

Mmm.

What a bore.

Jonny: whoopee! All
done, brother jimmy!

Huh?

Hurry! Come see! It's beautiful!

Isn't it adorable, kevin?

What am I doing here?

[Mumbling]

Kevin: rolf. Not you, too?

Let's hold hands, brother kevin,

And sing an ode of
joy to friendship.

Hit it, brother jimmy.

Jimmy: ♪ when you stub your toe

♪ And it hurts, you know

All: ♪ friends are
there to help you ♪

♪ When you trip on your face ♪

♪ And your teeth are misplaced ♪

♪ Friends are
there to help you ♪

♪ When you're flyin' low
and you're giving a show ♪

♪ Friends are
there to help you ♪

♪ When you take off your
shoe and your feet stink ♪

Pee yew!

♪ Friends are
there to help you ♪

Second verse, same as the first.

Get with the groove, double d.

Jujubes! Don't mind if I do.

Look at the size of
that whatever-that-is.

It's about time the
dorks showed up.

Eddy: ha ha ha! Is that a heart?

You got to be kidding me.

It's so delicate.

And red.

Edd: I think it's a
lovely addition.

To our cul-de-sac.

Isn't it precious?

Come on, eddy.

Quit being such a
mr. Grumpy pants.

It's friendship day!

Just reach out
and touch someone.

Whatever you say, friend.

Jimmy: hey! Hey!

I've been wedgied!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

[Sobbing]

That's it, ed! I'm telling mom!

Uh-oh.

Aw, lighten up. It was a joke.

Nazz: hey, guys.

Wasn't there a paintbrush
here a second ago?

Huh?

I bet ed took it!

[Sigh]

Have I ever mentioned you
have impeccable timing, eddy?

Here we go!

Sarah: you stole my
paintbrush, ed! Give it back!

Paintbrush?

Whoa!

Ed didn't take your stupid
paintbrush, sherlock.

Things are picking up.

Boy, plank, why would ed
want to steal a paintbrush?

Holy cow!

Somebody wiped
off plank's mouth!

Kevin: no way.

Of all the rotten
luck, huh, buddy?

Oh, dear. Um... Perhaps
it's been absorbed

By plank's permeable
fibrous composition.

Get me a crayon,
for crying out loud!

What's that rag in
your pocket, double d?

Rag?

Is that plank's mouth stain?

Double d, how could you?

Oh, come on, people.

Want to erase plank's mouth?

Rag!

Jimmy: heavens to betsy!

Look!

See? For crying out loud.

Kevin: something
reeks around here.

What?

What's your name
doing on this stick, eddy?

Name?

Eddy: hey, don't look at me!

You're the jock
boy. I say, you did it.

Edd: I really must protest.

Your accusations are
purely based on conjecture.

Why, we would never...

Zip it, mouth-wiper-offer!

Yeah! Like, we're gonna
believe paintbrush stealers!

Nazz: or hockey-stick-throwers.

You guys should be ashamed
of yourselves blaming kevin.

That's so immature, dudes.

Jimmy: hooligans.
Yeah. What he said.

What can I tell you?

Thanks for dorking up
an otherwise dull day.

[Giggling]

Kevin: dorks.

Eddy: we're
innocent, I tell you.

You guys got to trust us!

How are we supposed
to rip you off

If you don't trust us?

Well, this is a
fine kettle of fish.

What could a stained rag
be doing in my back pocket?

It sure wasn't pickling daisies.

Quit being such a
pigeon, double d.

They tried to set us up.

I'm not ready to
accept that, eddy,

At least not without
establishing a motive

Why someone would want

To implicate ed, you, and I

With such contemptible
wrongdoings.

Now, let's see.

Well, it couldn't
have been jimmy.

Eddy: I wouldn't
put money on that.

Everybody's jealous of our
talents, charm, and good looks,

And jimmy's one of them.

Well, sarah wouldn't
have the patience to...

Sarah hates us.

Ok. Then there's jonny.

He secretly hates us.

Nazz?

Well, you.

Thank you for reinforcing
that phobia, eddy.

Well, last but not
least, there's kevin,

And he hates us.

I know who did it.

What are you talking about, ed?

The offender stood here

As they pilfered the paintbrush

Directly behind jonny,

Where the offender
rubbed out plank's mouth,

Thus having the
perfect standpoint

In which to chuck
the said hockey stick.

Why, ed. That was very good.

Hold that thought.

So tell us, ed. Who did it?

Simple, my fine friends.

It was a foot.

Hard to believe he can
dress himself, ain't it?

But, eddy, ed found a footprint

Obviously left by
the perpetrator

Of these false allegations.

No fooling?

Bravo, ed.

We'll just match
their feet to it

And trap the rat.

They'll never agree to this
type of verification, eddy.

Branded, we are.

Exiled and disgraced
forevermore.

[Thud]

To the victor, the
spoils will smell.

Let's find our rat, ed.

Oops. Gotcha, double d.

Ooh, uh, this isn't
what it looks like.

Eddy: you're the rat!

Your hockey stick!

Jimmy: no. I didn't do it, eddy.

Honest. It wasn't me.

Check it out, double d.

He set us up, didn't
he? The little...

No match here, eddy.

[Jimmy crying]

I hate hockey.

My father makes me practice.

Oh, dear, jimmy.

I didn't know.

I could have sworn it was him.

Chin up, mister.
Let ed dry those...

Ed: I should have all the
feeling back in my feet.

After this word from
our sponsor, double d.

Curse broadcast commercialism.

[Mumbling]

Candy!

Ha ha ha ha!

Eddy: careful, ed.

You don't know where
that candy's been.

Oh, look. "Giant jonny chew."

Only cents.

Edd: why would someone
want to cover jonny...

In assorted jujubes?

If it ain't broke,
don't fix it, double d.

[Mumbling]

Um, guys, look.

Oh, dear.

This can only
point to one thing.

Rotten teeth?

No, ed. Well, yes.

What I'm trying to say is,

That whomever did this to jonny

Is certainly the same scoundrel

Who's made everyone believe we're
to blame for his or her mischief.

Jonny's foot's too small, too.

The rat's got
clodhoppers for feet.

Kevin: busted.

What did you do to jonny?

Eddy: jonny was like
this when we found him.

Yeah, right.

We saw you dorks
with our own eyes.

Please let me explain.

We have evidence that
proves our innocence.

We've had enough of your lies.

They made me cry.

That's it. I'm giving you a
lifetime worth of lumps.

Sarah: somebody find me a club.

All: run away!

Get back here!

Make them cry, kevin. Do it!

[Mumbling]

Hurry up! They're gaining!

Eddy: mommy!

Sarah: get back here!

Yo, rolf. How about
helping us, man?

There's plenty of
dork to go around.

[Mumbling]

Those jujubes will
rot your teeth, dude.

[Chewing]

Guys, wait up!

Whoa!

This way!

[Mumbling]

It's pounding time.

Man, that was close.

Huh?

What's this?

Look! A procession of jujubes!

Eddy, I have a hunch,

If we follow this trail,

It will lead straight
to our perpetrator.

Time to squeal on
the heel! Ha ha ha!

Pretty.

[Mumbling]

The rat's leading
us right to him.

What an idiot.

Mmm.

Kevin: try this way!

[All talking at once]

You go first, double d.

[Howling]

Ah, there's no one in there.

I concur, eddy.

Why, no one in their right mind

Would hide shed.

Ed: kids mean. Sarah hurt!

Ed: I fell.

Kevin: hey, check it out. I
bet they're in that shed.

Eddy: moo. Moo.

Moo, moo, moo.

Ed: quack.

No sign of the twerps.

Just a cow, I think.

Quack? What cow goes quack?

Well, eddy, there have been
cases of domestic bovine

Whose grunt could
be misconstrued

As somewhat of a quack.

Oh, gee.

Look! It's the perpetrator!

Who is it? I can't see.

Hiya, rolf.

Rolf?

Rolf! Why, you
back-stabbing two-timing...

What's the big
idea setting us up?

Sweet nothings will
get you everywhere.

All: cankers!

I should have known.

Better late than
never, I always say.

All: run away!

Kevin: hey! There they are!

Let's tear them apart.

Kids!

Cankers!

Kevin: come out here
and take it like a dork!

Looks like we've
got some wanted men.

Bail is set at... Kisses.

What do we do? What do we do?

Sarah: I got him! I got him!

We're caught in a
vortex of impending doom,

Trapped like animals
fresh for the slaughter!

Just toss one right here.

[Loud knocking]

You jerks!

Cankers: hubba hubba!

[Cankers laughing]

[All laughing]

This ain't so bad.

The lesser of two
evils, I suppose.

Although I can't help but feel

Something isn't right here.

Ouch!

Ha ha ha ha! Got me!

Well, I feel good.

That'll teach you.

I hit him twice, buddy.

Idiots! Looks good on you.

Rolf: excuse me,
semi-opaque one.

More for rolf, yes?

Jimmy: you certainly are
a little piggy, aren't you?

Rolf is confused as
to why you provide him

With these jujubes,

But who's complaining?

Jujubes! Jujubes!

Eddy: where'd you
get those from?

Get what?

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

Edd: look! A
paint-spattered boot!

I smell rotten something, i.

Yes! It was me,
and I'd do it again.

Why, you little
rat! Wait till i...

But why, jimmy?
Why implicate us?

Revenge takes no
prisoners, double d.

Revenge? What
the heck did we do?

You ruined a perfectly
good pair of underpants,

You big brute!

Oh, the wedgie!

Oh, yeah. That was
funny. Ha ha ha!

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

I have never been so
humiliated in all my life.

Jimmy, voice-over: your mocking
laughter gouging at my fragile pride,

Just like my undies.

It was at that moment...

I formulated my revenge.

When the coast was clear,
I tippy-toed into action.

It began simply with
a missing paintbrush.

I just waited for the
others to take my bait.

Ed!

Bingo.

My fiendish plan was working.

With my next move, I would have to
sacrifice my own shoulder stuffing.

Desperate, yes, but ideal for
smudging off plank's mouth.

Smooth as silk.

And let's not forget eddy.

Who else would sink so low

As to pierce our heart
of friendship? Cad.

Ignoring the
butterflies in my tummy,

I needed to protect
my innocence.

So I chose a patsy to keep
you losers off my trail.

In enters rolf,

Whose insatiable
appetite for my jujubes

Fit snugly into my plan.

Feeling creative, I decided to tease
and taunt you with false clues...

Tidbits of information to
tickle your nosey parker ways.

Artfully, I staged
every diversion.

Luring jonny with
an insipid acorn

Was pure genius...

As he would unknowingly
cement my freedom from sin.

The jujubes remain
a constant theme.

But was I satisfied?
I should say not.

I prepared myself for the
enlistment of some help.

Happy to see me, the
cankers greeted me

With their usual tact of
pounding the heck out of me.

As I wheezed my proposal
about you rotten eggs,

They agreed, and
a deal was struck.

I had goose bumps as I
lay the trail of jujubes

That would seal your fate.

It was all I could do to
contain the excitement in the air.

Vengeance would be mine,

So I pulled myself together...

For my final performance...

And nailed your butts.

Aah!

[Jimmy laughing]

Edd: how ingenious.

What?

A little long-winded, mind you,

But absolutely cunning.

[Growling]

Is it lunch yet?

Get me down from here,

You ankle-biting,
fluffy-haired, half-pinted squirt!

Jimmy: quiet, big mouth!

I have a deal to complete.

We aim to please.

Undo the rebels, girls!

Cankers!

Aah! Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Don't mess with
the best, suckers.

Ooh! Unh!

Owie!

Ed, edd n eddy!

Bl-bl-bl-bl-yeah.