06x01 - May I Have This Ed?/ Look Before You Ed

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Ed, Edd n Eddy". Aired: January 4, 1999 – November 8, 2009.
Series tells the story of three best friends, who band together to tackle life's challenges.
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06x01 - May I Have This Ed?/ Look Before You Ed

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Edd: brbrbrbrb, yeah!

[ Ringing ] eddy: it's mine!

Give me my doughnut!

I saw it first!

Edd: eddy, calm down.

You know you're
only encouraging him.

Oh, eddy, now look
what you've done.


Ed: yikes!

Edd: goodness gracious!

Have you two no respect for
the sanctum of school property?

Honestly, i...
Eddy: [ grunting ]

Edd: ooh, um, I withdraw
my last statement.

No harm done, yes?

Eddy: what do you got there?

Edd: nothing.


Let's say we make our way to...

Eddy: school dance? Tonight?

How'd we miss this?

Edd: isn't it a shame?

Why, if only we
had known sooner.

Oh, well.

There's always next year.

Eddy: only losers stay home
on a school-dance night, and we.

Ain't losers.

Right, ed?

Sure, right, eddy.

[ Air blowing ]
eddy: check this out.

Edd: "win a date with eddy.

Sign up here"?

You're not seriously
thinking of going to this?

Do you realize that it's
customary for a boy to ask a

Girl to attend?

I'd rather date a frog, baldy!

Jonny: what do you mean, I
should have ate a breath mint,


[ Crash ] eddy:
ask is for chumps,

Double d.

My brother told me really
cool guys ride solo so they ain't

Stuck with the
same chick all night.

Come on, I got something
that'll knock your socks off.

Ed: missed too many
laundry days for that, eddy.

My socks and me are as one.

Edd: good lord!

Stinky, stinky, stinky!

[ Crashing ] eddy:
wait till you see this!

Edd: "dames, dates & you"?

Eddy: it's got everything a guy
needs to know about charming.

The tomatoes. My bro says so.

Ed: just call me
"charmin' marvin."

Edd: um, a tad dated,
don't you think, eddy?

Ed: "and so, step number
one... Send that swinging.

Chick to cloud nine."

Eddy: hands off my
brother's book, ed.

Edd: well, I best
fly, gentlemen.

It so happens there's a
documentary on slippers

Through the ages airing
on television tonight.

Should be enlightening.

Eddy: we're
rendezvousing, got it?

Go on.

My mom's got a sewing
mannequin we can practice on.

Hands off my brother's book!

Nice work, lumpy.

One swinging chick... Check.

Edd: oh, would you look at that?

It's time to... Starch
mother's tea cozy.

Yes, perhaps another time.

Eddy: ready, sockhead?

Ask her.

[ Record scratches
] she's waiting.

Ed: squish the tomato, double d.

♪ Dreaming of another
lover just will not do ♪

♪ Honey, I'm just here for
you ♪ darling, all for your kiss

♪ Oh, what bliss
♪ I could reminisce

Edd: ugh!

I can't bear the rejection!

Eddy: what a baby.

Ed: my turn!

[ Laughs ] pardon me, miss.

I'm charmin' marvin, and this
is my little friend sheldon...

Um, junior.

Eddy: ed, you idiot!

Girls don't want to
see your stupid cheese.

Talk about everyday stuff...
You know, cologne, cash...


Ed: me? Like movies?

So, have you partaketh in
watching "att*ck of the -foot

Tv tray"?

My favorite scene was when the
angry tv tray spewed forth and

Rampaged the city...
Kind of like this.

"I am a giant tv tray!

Your city is done for, puny
humans with handsome hairdos!"


Edd: please, this school
dance is destined to be yet.

Another dejected, disturbing
decrement in our adolescent


Eddy: get over it.

This book's gonna make us
the sultans of swagger, the

Pooh-bahs of pizzazz.

Hurry up, ed!

There's two chapters here
on cool, happening threads.

I got a ton of them.

Ed: threads?

[ Rock-'n'-roll music
plays ] jimmy: [ laughs ]

I'm a dancing fool, sarah!

Ed: rolf brought
wilfred to the dance.

Lucky fellow.

Eddy: yeah, yeah, just
remember like the book says.

Us eds ain't chasing any chicks.

Got it?

Edd: eddy, there's still time to
reconsider before we venture.

Forth into the traumatic
awkwardness of pubescent


Rolf's ribs tickle, as a
one-legged mule could fancy foot

Better than these two-legged
nincompoops, yes, wilfred?

[ Laughing ] rolf's
suit of silicone will

Repel that that.

Eddy: it's like picking
apples out of a tree.

Go on, cut a rug.

[ Laughter ]
jimmy: you go, girl.

Ed: balloons are so fun.

[ Laughing ] [
bowling pins crash ]

Eddy: yeah, I better go wash
off some of this aftershave.

It's driving the dames crazy.

[ Rooster crows ] edd: "exit"?

Thank you, thank you,
thank... [ Gongs crash ]

Sarah, I was
just... Oh, I'm sorry.

Hi, double d.

Is there something
you'd like to ask me?

Edd: oh, my.

Kevin: I'm going in, man!

Rolf: casanova kevin boy, yes?

Nazz: hi, kev.

Kevin: hey, nazz.

Didn't see you there.

Nazz: hey, want
to dance with me?

Kevin: punch, got it.

Be right back.


Rolf: backbone bruised?

Courage crushed?

Spirit squashed?

Kevin: yeah, whatever.

Edd: kevin, pardon my
intrusion, but would you happen.

To know a back way out of this?

Oh, may i?

[ Sonar pinging ] kevin: whoa!

I almost drank dork-aid!

I'm gonna heave.

Eddy: smooth move, sockhead.

Where in the book does it say
to blow your buddy's cover?

Edd: I assure you, only after
the chapter about abandoning.

Your friend in his time of need.

Eddy: ah, shut it and
help me out of this thing.

Kevin: they ran out of
punch, but check this out.

Nazz: way to bust
a move, double d.

Let's twist.

Eddy: hey, that's
my move he busted.

He didn't even want to be here.

Like this, double d.

Let's boogie.


Eddy: ha!

Way to get b*rned, shovel head.

Lee: you gonna let that
hussy steal your man, marie?

Marie: get up, shorty!

We're dancing.

Quick, he's looking.

Make like an octopus
and suck face.

Ed: wilfred sure has some
fancy footwork, don't he?

Rolf: you have broken the
customary laws of rolf's.


You must first ask permission
if you shimmy-shake the swine.

Have you no shame?

May: mine!

Lee: get your claws
off my man, marie.

May: how about you get your
claws off my man, boyfriend.


Nazz: ahhh!

Jimmy: ahhhh!

Eddy: faster, ed!

That stunk!

I'm done with dames.

Who can figure them?

Ed: whoa!

No school tomorrow!

Edd: seems I did learn
something from your book, eddy.

After all, I did get
to dance with nazz.

Edd: and I got wilfred's
phone number, guys.

Eddy: you're an idiot, ed.

Sarah: come on, jimmy!

Nazz: let 'em have it, dudes!

Jimmy: snowball ambush!

Rolf: kaplowie!

Kevin: got that right.

Winter looks good on him.

[ Laughter ] jimmy:
winter scares me.

Sarah: wintertime's fun.

Look, jimmy, I'm
making a snow angel.

[ Ed laughing ] eddy:
two inches of snow.

Ain't even enough
to cancel school.

Eddy: oh, come, now, eddy.

Winter's a time to
reflect on nature's beauty.

Why, look around you.

It's so pure... So inspiring.

Ed: guys, look.

Eddy: whoa!

[ Crash ] ed: smoke!

I am hibachi man.

Bow before my breath
of charcoal doom!

Edd: a formidable
foe, ed, I'm sure.

But your smoke is
nothing more than...

Ed: hibachi man, double d.

[ Coughs ] edd: very well, then.

Prepare to meet your
match, hibachi man.

You will never charbroil
the denizens of this dimension.

Ed: [ laughing ] be
gone, celery stalk of.


[ Laughter ] jimmy:
okay, I get it now,


I pulled my funny bone, sarah.


Ed: hibachi man makes
his daring escape.

The barbecue belly slide!

Sarah: ed, you idiot!

[ Crash ] you lughead.

Look what you did to jimmy!

Eddy: [ laughs ] you're
a laugh and a half, ed.

Edd: goodness.

You really should
exercise more caution, ed.

Ed: that'll make my
thighs burn, double d.

Sarah: [ growls ] hyah!

Edd: if only someone could
address the true reality of.

Wintertime hazards, we
would all be much more...

Eddy: not that again.

Nobody wanted to hear about
it last year or the one before


And no one wants to hear
about your stupid safety club idea

This year.

Jimmy: safety club?

No more winter owies?

Eddy: better make a will, ed.

Edd: I believe that if a few
thoughtful safety guidelines.

Were set into play, winter would
be a much safer time of year for


Jimmy: tell me more, double d.

[ Bell rings ] eddy:
check it out, double d.

Nothing says wintertime fun
like scoring a couple lunch trays

From the caf and
sliding down a hill, huh?

Ed: lunch trays are the
transportation of tomorrow,

Double d. Eddy: come on.

What are we waiting for?

Edd: I'll take that, thank you.

Lunch trays are not intended for
recreational use and could very

Well prove hazardous.


I have a much more rewarding
activity that the two of you

Will find absolutely

Ed: up, down.

Up, down. Up, down.

Eddy: idiot.

Ed: up, down.

[ Bell clangs ] edd:
safety cadets, let's.


Ed: [ growling ] jimmy:
isn't this exciting?

Eddy: yeah, like a faucet leak.

Ed: [ laughs ] edd:
things are looking up,


Nazz and sarah are
enjoying a safe winter...

Good lord!

Deputy, I fear we have a breach.

Code b-slipdrop.

Grab hold and remain
steadfast, ladies.

Thin ice on large bodies of
water is risky business with

Grave results.

[ Groaning ] no
thanks are necessary.

All part of the peach creek
junior high safety club's daily


May we suggest snowflake
spotting as a safer and much

More educational
alternative to ice skating?

Eddy: only cents.

Edd: what?

Never you mind eddy, ladies.

The safety club is free of fee.

Sarah: what was that all about?

Jimmy: wait.

Please come back.

Jonny: quit laughing
at me, plank.

Edd: deputy?

Jonny: I told you I wouldn't
make a good snowman, so there!

Edd: jonny, what
were you thinking?

Are you aware of hypothermia?

It's a cat-and-mouse game when
your body temperature's at risk.

Ed: ice. [ Laughs ] fun.

Edd: that should maintain
a safe core temperature.

Jimmy: implemented
and awaiting...

Ed: I'll implement, too.

Hello, jonny.

Edd: ah, yes.

Um, admirable enthusiasm, ed.

Could you please fetch my
thermos of nice, hot soup from

The safety-club chest?

Thank you.

Eddy: [ grunting ]
edd: very good, ed.

Jimmy: [ mimicking
edd ] very good, ed.

Kevin: right side
on the school side.

Huck 'em high, man.


Kevin: what?

Edd: the safety club highly
recommends you wear a helmet.

When executing
such extreme activity.

Eddy: ha!

Box head don't need no helmet.

He's already d*ad
from the neck up.

Kevin: oh, yeah?

How about I box
your head... Dorky?!

[ Motor revs ] [ horn honks ]

Eddy: over here.

Ed: [ panting ] jimmy:
double d, this isn't.


Ed and eddy are
ruining everything.

Edd: now, jimmy,
let's remain positive.

I'm sure there's some way
we can channel their heedless


Jimmy: you better not drop that.

Eddy: what is it?

Ed: a poop deck?

Edd: not quite, ed.

This is an official safety
club deicing machine.

Using the salt off of
discarded cafeteria pretzels...

We can render treacherous,
icy footpaths safe.

Ed: salt is like magic.

Edd: now, I'm sure I can trust
you and ed to only spread.

Salt on the icy footpaths, yes?

Eddy: yeah, yeah.

No more fooling
around, right, ed?

[ Laughing ] edd:
excellent technique,

Jimmy, but the safety
club guidebook specifies a

Counterclockwise turn.

Jimmy: clearly a misprint,
as a clockwise turn is by far.

Superior... Eddy: who's
up for a blast of.

Eddy's snocone canyon?

Pick a flavor.

Shivers up your back, all
for one measly quarter.

Ed: loading her up, eddy.

Edd: you turned
school-sanctioned equipment into.

A flimflam?

I put my trust in you two.

Eddy: what's winter without
a snow job, huh, sockhead?

Get it? Snow job?

Edd: yes, well, that was clever.

Snow job... Jimmy:
enough! Enough, I say!

This club is a farce.

I was a fool to believe you
three boys could enforce safety

In the schoolyard.

I know what this school needs
protecting from, and my club

Will succeed where this
peanut gallery failed.

Ed: yum! Peanuts! Yum!

Eddy: faster, ed.

Lick it! Lick it!

I got to go to the bathroom.

[ Bell rings ] kevin: ha ha!

It's dorks on ice.

Right on.

Rolf: yes, rolf finally feels
safe enough to appear in this.


Jonny: the "owie go kapowie"
club's first task is a success.

These complimentary helmets
will keep your hair safe from the

Frizzifying effects
of the winter snow.

Kevin: I'm out of here.

Jonny: oh, pooh.

Sarah: come on, jimmy.

Let's go get some cocoa at my
house before anyone else sees me

In this thing.

Nazz: I've had cocoa before.

Eddy: ironic, isn't it... Us
being singled out as the.


Eddy: [ mumbling ] my
tongue's stuck to the stupid.

Ice, and I got to
go to the bathroom.

Ed: do not fear, eddy.

Hibachi man is here.

Right, double d?

Edd: yes.

Release this tongue-troubled
citizen with your blast-furnace

Breath, hibachi man.

Eddy: wait.

Wait a minute, ed!

Ed: [ exhaling ] eddy: hey!

I don't got to go anymore.
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