02x20 - Huggy Bear and the Turkey

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

[STEAM HISSING]

Mr. and Mrs. Irving Caplan.

They're $100
behind to my father.

Make them sorry...

and then make them pay.

I guess you know what's coming,

don't you, folks?

You should have
thought about that

before you tried holding
out on Dad Watson.

Now, when we get
through with you,

you're gonna feel real bad.

The same to you, Moose-breath.

This is a bust.

Forget it, cop,

or I'll break the
old lady's head.

Watch your hands, clown.

I ain't that kind of girl.

Starsk!

Got him.

Hutch!

Hang on there, meatball.

You ain't going nowhere.

You ain't taking me in
on no bum rap like this.

Hutch!

Hold it. Okay.

Come on, now, buddy.

You're not taking me
in on this lousy rap!

Come on, will you?

Starsky, where are your cuffs?

They're in my bra.

I got him.

Officer Hutchinson!

Remember me?

Foxy Baker?

Hiya, Foxy.

Hiya, Foxy. How are you doing?

Look, we're a little
busy right now.

Will you come on?

Please, Hutch, my
husband, Walter T,

he's been missing
for three days,

and I'm going out of
my mind with worry.

Please help me.

[GRUNTS]

Foxy, we really don't
deal in domestic relations.

But you're supposed
to help people.

I came all the way downstairs
because I saw you out here.

Go see a guy by the name
of Huggy and the Turk.

Huggy and the Turk?

A couple of
private investigators

you can find any time after noon

down at a club called The Pits.

All right, thank you.

Thank you very much.

Goodbye.

Will you relax? Will you relax?

[♪♪♪]

[PIANO PLAYING GOSPEL-BLUES]

You know, Huggy,

my old grandpappy,

he used to always say...

that you can lead
a horse to water...

but a jackass usually
finds his own way.

How did a redneck
clod-kicker like you

learn how to throw
darts that good?

My five.

Put it on my charge account.

Hold it, sports fans.

You got a live one.

The lady's name is Foxy Baker

and she says she was
sent by Starsky and Hutch.

Hey, I know Foxy Baker.

She says she's looking
for her missing husband.

Oh, good for her.

You tell her to write
"Dear Abby," okay?

Hey, partner,

we find Foxy Baker's old man,

she's gonna spread the word

and we're gonna have

more business
than we can handle.

This neighborhood

is wall-to-wall
missing husbands.

People around here,

they don't get
marriage licenses.

They get learners' permits.

And now for the good news.

She has $200, cash money.

Well, Mrs. Baker, how do you do?

My name is J.D. Turquet,

and as I understand it,

you know my partner here,

Huggy Bear Brown.

Sit down.

Now,

when did you first notice that
your husband was missing?

Since Tuesday.

He works as a delivery
man for a laundry service,

but he went out on his route

and didn't come back.

I brought his picture.

It's Walter T. Yeah.

He always did look

like a black Bugs Bunny.

I mean, he's got character,

and, uh... good teeth.

Is he still betting
heavy on the horses?

That never bothered me.

Oh, I know Walter
T is no beauty,

but I love him.

He doesn't drink or fool around

and...

Oh, please, please,
find him for me.

I miss him so bad.

About his gambling, um...

did he have a special bookie,

uh, friends at the
track, co-workers,

anything like that?

Well, I asked
everybody I could think of

and they don't know a thing.

Just leave
everything to us, Foxy.

We'll start looking for Walter T

right away.

If he's out there,
we'll find him.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Bye.

Are you loco?

Why did you send her on her way

before we had anything to go on?

You know,

we have a handful of nothing.

We got Blind Bessie.

Who?

Blind Bessie.

The woman who
gets her racing tips

direct from the spirit world

and sells them to
fish like Walter T.

Well, if you know
where to find her,

what're we doing
sitting around here?

Come on.

There's just one slight problem.

Bessie's not too
partial to honkies.

Turk.

Turk!

Just like I thought.

She wants you to come up too.

Hey, man, that doesn't
make any sense at all.

Now, you told me
yourself she hated honkies.

She don't know you white.

She just heard I had a partner,

so she set three
plates for dinner

and she wants you to come up,

so all you got to
do is just like I said.

Uh-uh.

Just skip it.

What do you mean, skip it?

I can't do it.

Of course you can.

I can't.

Okay.

I'll give back the $200 retainer

to Foxy Baker

and you can explain
to the phone company

why the check we sent them's

gonna bounce all the way home.

Look...

Now, Huggy,
look, that's not fair.

In the first place,
soul food turns me off,

and in the second place, well,

you know, I can't sound black

any more than you
can sound like, uh...

Laurence Olivier.

[ENUNCIATING CAREFULLY]
The prime minister was mugged

by a n*gro in Chicago

and the Queen went ban-ah-nas.

Go on. Just say
something "colored."

Give it a try.

When does the new
Cadillacs come in?

Just say it blacker.

[DEEPER] Oh, tell me, uh...

when do de new
Cadillacs come in?

Blacker.

Tell me,

when do de new
Cadillacs come in,

or I'm gonna cut you, suckah.

I think you've got it.

It ain't gonna work.

Of course it's gonna work.

I'm telling you,
it ain't working.

Cool, man.

No, I don't think I can do it.

Let me try.

Tell me... Say it again.

When are the new Cadillacs in?

You all right, blood?

[EXAGGERATED] When
do de new Cadillacs come in?

Come on in.

Stop p*ssy-footing out there.

Food's about ready.

Let's not keep Lady
Bessie waiting, blood.

How's the pots coming, Bessie?

Just got to put
in the hot sauce,

then we eat.

Here.

Here, I got it.

Don't help me.

Don't help me! Don't help me.

I can find anything I want.

Only thing I can't find out

is about your partner,

until he opened his mouth.

You heard me, chump.

I want to know

who and what you are,

so say something.

Uh...

when do de new
Cadillacs come in?

That's the dumbest
thing I ever heard.

Huggy,

I believe your friend is simple.

Well, sit down.

Sit! Sit!

No, not there!

In the dining room.

Might as well feed your bellies.

Mm-mm!

This is gonna be good.

I am not eating that slop.

Aw, look, it won't hurt you.

Look what it did for me.

I hate to have a tasty meal
mixed up with business talk.

Mm-hmm.

So lay the word on me now.

What you want from old Bess?

Well, Bess, we thought you'd...

Don't you tell me.

I want to hear it
from your friend.

Start talking, Leroy.

Uh...

Foxy Baker hired us to, uh...

locate her husband,

and we thought maybe

that you might be
able to give us a lead.

Yeah, I know Foxy's old man

real well.

Spirits helped me to give him

lots of winners at the track,

but it wasn't horses
he came looking for

three days ago.

You like soul food,

don't you, boy?

Oh, lawsy,

yes, ma'am!

I just loves my chitlins,
and hush puppies.

Down home,

he's known as the
Pharaoh of Fatback.

Hmm!

Ain't that a kick in the head.

Mm-hmm. Ah!

Don't help me. Don't help me.

Uh, Bessie,

what did Foxy's husband

ask you?

Lord,

thank you for this
simple fare before us

and thank you

for thy numerous blessings,

some of which we already have

and some which we
expect to receive any minute.

Walter T. Baker

wanted a phony
passport to Brazil,

so I sent him

to see Doc Rafferty.

Want more? Talk to the Doc.

A passport to Brazil?

Well, you heard the lady.

Let's, uh...

let's go talk to the Doc.

Uh, Bessie,

we ain't gonna be
able to stay for dinner.

Thank you.

Hey, wait a minute.

You mean to tell
me you're leaving

before I get a chance

to spill boiling coffee
over your ofay turkey?

You knew I wasn't black

all along?

I can hear a gnat
spitting on cotton

and you think I don't know

a good old boy
from a soul brother?

I heard you practicing

all the way to my door.

"When does de new
Cadillacs come in?"

[CLATTERING]

Don't help me. Don't help me.

Besides, if I didn't like you,

it would have been
more than your hand

I hit with that hot stew.

Bye, Bessie.

Oh, "When does de
new Cadillacs come in?"

[LAUGHS WILDLY]

"When does the new
Cadillacs come in?"

[BESSIE LAUGHING]

TURK: Excuse me.

Hold it, brother.

This is the end of the line.

Hey, come on!

Okay.

This can go easy or hard.

Now, who you working for?

Oh, that's privileged
information between...

We're employed
by Mrs. Foxy Baker,

321 and a half Chandler Avenue.

Telephone number, 321-1321.

You want the zip code,

I'll be glad to look
it up for you, okay?

What did she hire you for?

Hey, I like using this thing.

Her husband's missing
and she hired us to find him.

We're looking for
Walter T. Baker too,

and when we find him,

we don't want you or
your skinny partner there

getting in our way.

Comprende?

Yeah, comprende.

Hey,

you okay, man?

You okay?

Yeah. I'm okay. I'm okay.

Come on, let's hit the road.

He called me skinny.

I should have

busted him in his chops.

Huggy, for those two,

you need a big club or a g*n.

Well, you got to be kidding.

I'm a lean, mean
fighting machine.

We're drawing hoods like flies.

Dig it.

[BRAKES SCREECHING]

We want to talk to you.

You get a feeling
there's something

about Walter T's disappearance

that your friend
Foxy didn't tell us?

My friend?

You're the one who
got glued onto her $200.

[GRINDING]

Come on, hit it.

They're gaining on us.

Man, I got the
thing on the floor.

[CLANKING]

Didn't you take
this thing to the shop

last week?

Yeah, I took it to the shop,

but it's still burning
a pinch of oil.

[BACKFIRING]

[HONKING]

[BRAKES SCREECHING]

Okay, clowns, let's go.

Nice going.

All they got to do now

is bury us.

This way.

Give the man the card.

Brown and, uh...

Turkey.

Uh, that's Turquet,

and it's me,

and this is Brown.

If that's how you like it.

Turquet.

All right.

I'm sure Brown here

can tell you who I am.

I'm rather well-known
in the neighborhood.

That's Bad Dad Watson.

Him and his hoods
have been top dogs

around this neighborhood

since anybody can remember.

I mean to keep it that way.

That's why I wanted
to speak to you

about that... that...

Walter... T...

[COUGHING] Baker.

Well, now, if that's
all that's troubling you,

look,

there's no need to fret anymore,

because we already
got that message

from your good old
boys, Sugar and Milo.

Milo and Sugar
don't work for me,

you stupid,
simple-minded cr*cker.

They're the ones who robbed me

three days ago.

Them and that cockamamie
black laundryman,

Walter T...

[COUGHS]

Take it easy. Take it easy.

You know you're not
supposed to get excited.

See, nobody ever paid attention

to Walter T bringing in

clean tablecloths every day,

but it wasn't clean tablecloths

he had in his hamper
three days ago.

You mean Walter T wheeled
in good, old Milo and Sugar?

Right under our very noses,

and with some very
heavy hardware,

and when they left,
they left with $300,000.

Well, we're going to
get every cent of it back,

and make examples of the thieves

and anyone who is helping them.

Very messy examples.

Well, that is the kind of
gumption and determination

that made America great.

You know, my old grandpappy,

he used to always...

Brown, you're black...

Mm-hmm.

And that means you
might have better luck

finding out where that...

that Walter T is holed
up in the neighborhood.

[COUGHING]

Well... Well...

we'd like to be
obliging, Dad, but, uh...

Milo and Sugar said

if we stayed on the case

that it was gonna be...

You see, Dad wasn't asking.

Dad never asks.

We don't particularly care

what Milo and Sugar told you.

You're to look for Walter
T and you're to find him,

and when you find
him, you call us,

and not his wife.

Right, Pop?

Cross me

and you'll wish you'd
never been born...

and that, you'd
better understand.

Your old grandpappy

have a saying about that?

TURK: Well, I'll tell
you, my old maiden aunt

would have something
to say about this.

HUGGY: What would she say?

When people start talking
about busting heads, adios.

Hey, Turk,

do you think we should head
for the mountains or the beach?

What do you care?

Wherever we go,
your wardrobe is wrong.

Huh.

Hi, Cousin Huggy.

Hey, Mr. Turk, I got
what you wanted.

Here it is right here.

Here what is?

The heater Mr. Turk
told me to get.

He said to get the
biggest one I could find,

so here it is.

I meant a "heater," as in "g*n."

Whew. We are gonna
do real great in a sh**t.

Bad guys, they pull
their .44 magnum,

we let them have it
with our water heater.

I don't know why I let you

talk me out of
not carrying a g*n

in the first place.

Because when you carry a g*n,

only one thing can
happen and it's all bad.

Okay, uh...

so, I'm...

I'm sorry I let you down.

Hey.

Hey, Leotis?

Hey, man. Come
on. Wait a minute.

Put that thing down
and come on in here.

Come on back in here.

Come on.

You see, that isn't really
what I meant, you see?

Uh...

you see,

your mind is just, uh...

is grooving on
a different plane,

that's all. Now, you see,

the point that
I'm trying to make

is that everybody

has got something
they're good at.

Look at you and numbers.

Yeah, but that's nothing.

Hey, come on, tell Huggy

how much is

721 times, uh...

9,261.

6,677,181.

Whoo!

266 times 13,424.

3,570,784.

Huggy,

what's that got to
do with detecting?

Nothing, but you see,

that's just the point.

You see, you are a genius

when it comes to numbers,

but I wish you'd do me a favor

the next time you
take your classes.

See if they have
one in criminology?

Uh-uh.

You see if they got
one in basic logic.

[DOOR OPENS]

I know.

You have a right
to be upset with me.

We also have a
right to say goodbye.

Bye.

I know I should have told you

about Walter T's
involvement in a robbery,

but I was afraid if I did,

you wouldn't want
to take the case.

The first true thing
out of your lips, woman.

Now, please, stay
out of our way.

Please, give me one more minute.

I wanted you to find my husband

before his enemies did,

so that I could beg him

to take back the
money and save himself,

but that's not
necessary anymore.

I know where Walter T is hiding.

He phoned me.

He doesn't want to spend
the rest of his life running.

He wants to negotiate.

So did Jimmy Hoffa.

Wait.

All you have to do
is get the $300,000

from Walter T

and take it to Dad Watson

in exchange for
my husband's life.

You won't be in any danger.

That's right,

because we're
gonna be out of town.

All I have is $250 more.

Keep it.

The word on the street is

that Sonny Watson's ready
to pay a 10 percent finder's fee

for the return of
his father's bank.

10 percent. That's $30,000.

I don't need Leotis
to tell me that, huh?

That's right.

I mean, that's the
kind of big money

we got into this business for.

I got a feeling I'm
gonna regret this,

but, uh...

we'll do it.

Oh.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you so much.

Walter T is waiting for you

out at the old

Bayshore Amusement Park.

He's hiding in the fun house.

Hey, Cousin Huggy,

there are two
mean-looking dudes out here

and they're spying
on the building.

Oh, no.

I don't want to get you guys

riled up,

but I'd say

we're in a heap of trouble here.

Now, how're we
gonna drive out of here

with those two punks

watching the car?

With $30,000 on the
line, we'll find a way.

How about a diversion?

Look, Leotis, listen carefully.

I want you to go down

to the bus stop on the corner.

Foxy, I want you to stay
here until we're gone, okay?

You, uh, sure Leotis
knows what he's doing?

I told Leotis when we move,

he's got to attract
their attention.

Yeah.

[WHISTLES]

That's the signal.

Leotis is ready.

Yeah, he's ready for what?

Just pull out real slow,

make a right turn, then hit it.

Look, those punks

are gonna be right on our tail.

Well, you got to have faith,

Turk, baby.

We got 'em now, baby.

Come on.

Okay, brother, go get 'em.

[CARS HONKING]

Whoo!

[LAUGHS]

Crude but effective.

Yeah!

They're up to their hubcaps

in dresses.

[ONLOOKERS MURMURING]

Walter T?

Wish Leotis had gotten a g*n.

Well, knowing him,

he probably would've
forgotten the b*ll*ts.

Walter T!

Walter...

[CREAKING]

Dummy.

Walter T!

Hey, Walter T!

Hey.

Hey!

Hey, Walter T. Foxy sent us!

[g*nshots]

Walter T,

it's Huggy Bear
and Turk Turquet!

I got you, Walter T.

It's me, Foxy.

How did we do?

Did we fool them?

All the way.

They'll probably die

convincing Milo and Sugar.

Now,

all we have to do is make sure

that your dad still
thinks Walter T

still has the money...

Uh-huh.

And is on the loose,

and we're home-free.

I hope so.

Walter T ran out on us.

I don't know where we are.

I don't either.

Hey, but I recognize him.

This must be the way out.

Okay.

You know, for a
man dying to see us,

Walter T certainly took off

like a scared jackrabbit.

I wonder why.

I don't know,

but I'm getting out of here.

Hey, maybe he don't like

interracial couples.

Hey,

thanks for coming outside, boys.

Milo here's afraid of the dark.

I thought we left you

up to your hubcaps in dresses.

Oh, we phoned your office

and said we was the FBI.

The kid we talked to there,

he could hardly wait to
tell us where to find you.

Come on, move it!

I don't know about you,

but I got a feeling

these guys aren't here

on a mission of mercy.

Yeah, that Sugar

is definitely unrefined.

You had your fill?

Up to my eyeballs.

All right, hold it right there.

End of the line, hot sh*ts.

Watermelon man,
you got me into this.

Now I'm gonna die

because you couldn't pass up

a lousy 200 bucks!

Back off, turkey man!

How'd you like

a little black lightning

across your lips?

Listen, I am sick of you, boy!

Uh-uh.

Let 'em go.

I want to see the skinny one

get hurt a little here.

Come on.

Come on, you Chicken Little.

Come on.

Come on. Come on.

[WHISTLES]

[GROWLS]

Okay, now it's our turn,

and we want some
answers, friend.

Okay, I'm gonna
make it real simple.

Now, how did Walter T

get away with your share

of Dad Watson's payroll?

Stuff it.

[TUTS]

You get the feeling

these guys aren't
gonna cooperate?

Mm-hmm.

Now, either one of you
want to say anything?

Nothing?

Okay, k*ll 'em

and let's get out of here.

Now, wait, wait.

Dad'll probably
pay a pretty penny

for them.

No, Dad said dead or alive.

Now, we k*ll them,
we collect twice.

The money Dad's promised,

plus the reputation
we get on the street.

Go ahead, sh**t them.

Wait a minute.

You've made your point.

After the heist,

we went back to Walter's hamper

and he pushed
us out to his truck,

past Dad Watson's guards.

Like nothing happened,

he drove away.

Hey, don't tell me

a couple of old hands like you

let him lock you in a hamper

with dirty wash.

He was low man in the operation,

a real nothing.

Who was the brains
behind it, then?

Who else? His old lady.

Foxy.

Foxy Baker?

You better believe it, brother.

Are you beginning
to get the feeling

that woman's been
lying to us again?

I don't know,

but I'll tell you one thing.

It's about time

we started getting
some straight answers.

I think we better call
Starsky and Hutch

and tell them where
they can pick up

a couple of hunks of garbage,

gift-wrapped.

That's a good idea.

[MOTOR HUMMING]

I think these are
probably hot anyway.

Let's get rid of them.

Oh, boy.

I got real fond of her.

Hey! Hey!

Hey, I got that kind of phobia
about these high things!

Hey!

Help!

HUTCH: We're getting
there, sweetheart.

We're getting there.

A few more minutes

and you'll look
just like she does.

You really think so?

How can you miss?

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Yeah.

Uh...

one minute.

Tyrone, phone.

Excuse me, darling.

I have to confer with
my associate here,

Mr. Marlene.

Must be a customer calling

about some kind
of a follicle problem.

Tyrone?

Phone.

Just hold the thought, huh?

You look ravishing.

What is it?

[MUMBLING] Answer the phone.

Who is it? Huggy and Turk.

They collared a couple of punks.

[CLEARLY] They
collared a couple of punks,

and they want us
to bring them in.

Well, I don't want
to talk to them.

Why should I talk to them?

Because I got a couple
of gorgeous chicks

coming in for a comb job
and a fantastic stewardess

whose house I'm going over
to to give her a wave and set.

Well, what do you
want me to do about it?

Answer the phone.

Well... Please? Go ahead.

Yeah, Turk? Huggy?

No, it's Turk.

Listen, uh...

can you guys get over here

right away?

Uh, look,

we'd love to help
you fellas out,

but we're really kind
of busy right now.

Listen, uh...

has it got anything to do

with Dad Watson

and his protection racket?

Yeah, it has to do with
his protection racket.

Wait a second.
How'd they know that?

About the protection racket.

Look, will you just
call in a patrol car

or something?

We're really kind
of busy right now,

and stay off this line.

Yeah, well, you see,

this involves Dad Watson too.

[DIAL TONE HUMMING]

Yeah. Hutch?

You know,

your eyes flash
when you get angry.

I hope you get peroxide

all over your turquoise.

Boy.

About your friends
Starsky and Hutch.

A lot of help those two were.

Never mind them.

What we got to do now

is pick up Walter T's trail.

Brilliant.

The question is, where?

Not where, Turkey, my man.

How.

What do you mean, "how"?

How's that wisdom tooth

that's been giving
you that trouble?

Oh. Yeah. Doc Rafferty.

Dr. Rafferty will see you now,

Mr. Tur-queue.

By the way, is your name French?

I certainly hope so.

Walk this way, please.

I think that I'm in love.

Be careful.

That body ought to be registered

as a dangerous w*apon.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

That'll be all, Nurse O'Toole.

Yes, Doctor.

Au revoir, Froggy.

Now, then, who
wants to be first?

Just open up wide and
don't worry about a thing.

Believe me, I won't
put the bite on you.

Get it? "Bite"?

Actually, we came to talk to you

about Walter T. Baker.

Baker? Baker...

I don't believe I know the name.

Sir, we want to know

about the forged passport

he ordered from you.

Passport?

Gentlemen, you've
come to the wrong place.

How would you like me

to play "Nola" on
your molar, Doc?

Are you guys the heat?

Private,

but we can, uh...

make it public,

if that's the way you want it.

Now,

what about the
passport for Walter T?

What passport?

What are you guys talking about?

He said, "What
about the passport?"

Did you fix one
for his wife too?

Huh?

Are you kidding me?

Walter T was scared
to death of his wife.

He told me he wanted
one passport to Brazil

and he didn't want
nobody to know about it,

especially his old lady,

then something
must have happened,

because he never picked it up.

I swear to you, I mean it.

It's over there on
the top cabinet.

Check it out, Huggy.

You see?

He's got every country here.

Busy, aren't you?

Brazil.

You ought to
stick to teeth, Doc.

[VOICE CRACKING] Nurse?

[GRUNTS]

It's weird.

Man who hates his wife

gets away with...

300,000.

Three days after the robbery,

he's still in town,

and his wife

is supposed to be helping him

to give the money back

to save his life.

No, it don't figure.

A man who needs to
run as bad as Walter T,

the only way to stop him

is tie him up or bury him.

Well, now, we know he's alive.

We saw him at the
amusement park...

or did we?

What are you talking about?

[CLANKING]

Hey, we don't need any steam.

Send it back for Christmas.

Did you really get a good look

at Walter T today?

No, but, uh...

Wait a minute.

Maybe it's beginning
to make sense.

Now, what happens
if Walter T is caught?

Not the money.

Just him.

What do you mean,
without the money?

Now, just for instance.

Dad would, uh...

probably interrogate
him to death.

[CLANKING]

Will you knock it off?

That's not the steam.

Well, where's Walter T now?

Oh, he's probably
out on some highway,

fleeing for his life.

Bugs Bunny.

[MUFFLED] I'm Walter T.
Baker and we're gonna die!

Die! Die!

Yes.

Yes, I know this
is a beauty parlor.

Well, you have to
listen to me, ma'am.

Uh, sorry, sir.

Uh, you see, it's urgent

that we speak to
two of your operators.

Mr. Marlene and Tyrone.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

Starsky and Hutch.

Well, look, when they come in,

would you tell them that
Huggy and Turquet need them

and it's urgent?

Look, you better
make that "critical."

Okay.

Now, Walter T,

we been here all night
long and getting nowhere

and you been hitting that stuff
and going into a steady coma.

Now, just give us some answers.

We're gonna die.
We're gonna die.

Die, die, die.

Stop gravedigging
and start talking.

My wife...

My wife made me rob Dad Watson.

Now... I know that's a
shameful thing to admit,

but I was more
scared of her than him.

Look, we're with you so far.

Go on.

Well, then, Foxy worked out

how I could cheat Milo
and Sugar out of their share.

I was supposed to
meet her with the dough,

but I had other plans.

You mean

the passport to Brazil?

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

only Foxy was waiting for me
before I could make my move.

She whomped me upside the head.

Next thing I know, I'm hogtied

and Foxy is putting
on my clothes.

Hey, blood, how
about little drinky, huh?

So, it must have been Foxy

we saw at the fun house,

and she wanted us to think

that Walter T was still in town

and running scared.

Why'd she bring you here?

So we all could
die, die, die, die!

I keep telling you that.

It wasn't just Foxy.

Sonny Watson is in it with her.

Well, that lowdown,

no-account skunk.

What a way to
treat his own daddy.

They were gonna
watch this place,

and when you came back,

call Sonny,

and he'd come busting
in and sh**t us all at once,

and then tell Dad

we was all in the
robbery together

and we were trying
to make our getaway

when he caught us.

Huggy.

What?

Look.

What is it?

Sonny Watson and Dad's hoods.

Hey, what're we gonna do?

We're going to die, that's
what we're gonna do.

Look, give me that bottle,

you beaver-toothed rummy.

Now, we got to make
tracks out of here.

I...

I can't walk. My legs is stiff.

Come on.

Look, I'll get him.

You get that side. Come on.

Up we go. Come on.

Where are we going?

Out.

Come on. You can walk it off.

Leotis.

Hey, Cousin Huggy.

Where's everybody going?

I saw that you were up

and I thought maybe

you'd like to have a
pizza for breakfast.

We ain't got time for pizza.

Did you see anybody
downstairs with g*ns?

With g*ns?

No.

I took a shortcut, like always.

What shortcut?

Over the roof next door.

Everybody,

hold what you got.

This might be just
what we needed.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

They're coming up the stairway.

Can you give us
another diversion?

Yeah. What you want me to do?

Get the heater.

Get the heater?

Get the heater!

They've got a heater.

Okay.

Drop it?

We're gonna die, man!

Shh-shh.

Come on.

Are you all right?

They had a heater.

Go get them. Go get them.

Go on!

I can't stand it, man!

I'm gonna die!

What y'all gonna do, man?

Where are we going, man?

[WALTER T SLURRING]

That ain't gonna hold them long.

Leotis, where's your shortcut?

LEOTIS: Oh, there
it is, right there.

We're gonna die, man.

Where are we going, man?

I keep telling you, man.

We gonna die, man!

I keep telling you!

What's wrong with you, Leotis?

You think we're a bunch of
hummingbirds or something?

Cousin Huggy, look,
it's safe, it's okay.

All the kids around
here use this all the time.

Come on.

It's... It's not so bad.

Come on, Huggy.

You going up there.

I ain't going up there.

Come on.

Wait a minute! Please!

Whoa! Whoa!

I can't do this.

I can't do this, man.

I get dizzy when I
put on platform shoes.

[g*nsh*t]

HUGGY: Some shortcut, Leotis.

Come on, you guys.
It's only one more.

[SIREN WAILING]

What the hell are
they doing up there?

I don't know. They
said it was critical.

I think it just got a lot worse.

I'll go the front. Right.

Surprise.

I told you we're gonna die.

Well, life stinks, doesn't it?

[g*nshots]

Come on out

and get it over with!

What are you doing?

Get them! They don't have g*ns!

Yes, we have too, Mr. Turk.

TURK: Oh, Leotis...

See?

Pass it down, Leotis.

I knew I made a mistake

about that heater,

so I went out and got that.

You call 'em off, boy,

or you bought it!

He can sh**t the
warts off a kosher pickle

at 50 yards.

You don't believe him?

Watch.

Hold it.

Hold it, hold it.

That boy is smart as a whip.

Now, where I come from,

what we have here

is called a Mexican...

[CLICKS]

stand-off.

So much for the Alamo.

Get 'em.

The g*n is empty. Go get 'em.

[g*nsh*t]

Tennis, anyone?

Anybody else? Hold it.

Drop it.

Okay, come on, move!

STARSKY: Okay, okay. Up, up, up.

Hey, thanks for
dropping in, men,

but me and my partner almost
had this case wrapped up,

unassisted.

Lovely to hear that, Hug.

Dad is gonna k*ll me.

Yeah.

Here, just sign right there

and we'll take your
formal statement

later, okay?

Okay, thank you.

We got lucky. What?

They got Foxy at the
airport and all the money.

You know, I got to
hand it to you guys.

You did a pretty good job.

Well, what do you expect

with you two as our ideals?

What are you guys
going to do now?

You got enough to keep you busy?

Busy?

You got to be shucking me.

This is just small
potatoes here.

Most of the time,

we'll be up to our ears

in industrial espionage

and diamond heists.

[COUGHS]

Excuse me,

I'd like to see
Detective Smithers.

Smithers?

Yes, it's about my
1854 Golden Eagle.

Did it get out?

It's a $20 gold
piece worth $3,000.

I think someone
must have taken it

from a party we were giving

the other day.

Oh, uh, Detective
Sm... Uh, Withers.

Well, that is in
Robbery Division.

Now, what you want to do

is you want to go
through those doors

and there's this red line

along the corridor,

and you want to
get the three doors,

and you want to take
the third door on your left.

Thank you very much.

Look, I think we better
be moseying out of here.

I thought we were going to have
a congratulatory cup of coffee.

Later. We'll see you.

What's the hurry?

Can't you smell it?
Next month's rent.

Sir, uh, excuse me,

but we couldn't
help but overhear

your tragic story

about the loss of
your Double Eagle.

Look, what you have
to understand, sir,

is that to the police,

your coin is just another case,

but to us, it's a sacred trust.

Our card.

Well, which one
of you is Turkey?

[♪♪♪]