02x25 - Starsky and Hutch Are Guilty

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

[TIRES SQUEALING]

[MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

MAN: Hey, Oscar.

Come on, Oscar, open up.

This is Starsky!

Hey, wait a minute,
baby. I'll be right there.

We're wasting time, Hutch.

Kick it in.

[BANGING ON DOOR]

Hey, what do you
guys want from...

[PUNCHING, GRUNTING]

Hey, please, no more!

[PUNCHING AND
GRUNTING CONTINUES]

Hey!

Please, no more, please!

[CRASHING]

[DOOR SLAMMING]

[FOOTSTEPS LEAVING]

For a hard-nosed cop,

you're not doing
your image any good.

When I was a kid,
he was a contender.

Yeah?

Don't change the subject.
Do you trust me or not?

With my life, yes.

With your choice of women, no.

Well, I told them
we'd meet them at 8.

Starsky and Hutchinson. Mm-hmm.

I have Chief of Detectives
Ryan in my office.

He wants to see you
two. Oh, not again, captain.

He ate us out already.

And I don't blame him.

You're getting a commendation,

an invitation to speak
to the graduating class

at the academy,

and you tell them to forget
what they've been taught.

Got a lot of laughs.

Not with Ryan, you didn't.

Well, I thought it was funny.

And he's a worse
critic than Ryan.

Captain, Ryan's been on
our back for three years.

A lot longer than that, Starsk.

Are you finished?

Captain, we have a lot
of respect for Chief Ryan,

but he doesn't like
the way we dress,

he doesn't like the
way we comb our hair,

he doesn't like the way...

We're in trouble, huh?

Big trouble?

MAN: I'd say so.

Oh, chief, I was
just bringing my men

in to see you.

Do you know a character
named Oscar Newton?

Oscar? Yeah.

Sure we do.

When's the last
time you saw him?

This afternoon.

Exactly what time?

Well, if you'll
hold on a second,

I'll get it for you.

Something wrong?

What do you know about him?

He's a, uh, junkie.

Takes a few tips, turns over
a few hot items, nothing big.

Makes enough to feed his habit,

keep off welfare.

A real upstanding citizen
that you never busted.

That's right.

Well, we bust him,
what does he get?

30 to 60 days to dry out.

He's worth more
to us on the street.

He's a good snitch.

I know you don't approve,
chief, but that's the way

a cop's got to
operate these days.

Here you go, chief.

Arrived at 2:55
p.m. and left at 3:10.

Now, what about Oscar?

He was worked over by two men.

What?

He's in the County
General in critical condition,

in a coma.

Got any leads?

Two cops. What?

Who's that?

I'm looking at them.

If that's a joke,
no one's laughing.

It's no joke, not this time.

This time, you got sloppy.
We've got two witnesses.

I don't believe this.

Chief, do we have
a right to know

who those two witnesses are?

They already gave
sworn depositions.

We warned them that you
two might want to talk to them.

We also promised
them complete protection

in case there are any
overt or veiled threats

against their person.

Now, wait a minute, chief.

You're acting like
my men are guilty

before they've had a trial.

They're my men too, captain.

Believe me, Starsky
and Hutchinson's rights

will be protected,

and I promise you,

we'll go by the book that
they so constantly ignore.

[♪♪♪]

Uh, Mrs. Marlowe?

Hi.

Captain Ryan said
you two would show up.

Yes, ma'am.

Uh, Mrs. Marlowe,

would you take a
good look at us, please?

A real good look.

So?

Well, you told Captain Ryan

that you saw us this
afternoon, across the street.

That's right.

At 3:00.

Driving that car.

You left at 3:30.

Excuse me, ma'am, I
think there's some mistake.

You see, we did arrive
at 3:00, but we left at 3:10,

not at 3:30.

That's right.

Look, honey, maybe you
can fool the people downtown,

but I know what time you left.

It was 3:30, and all your
talk can't change that.

Look, uh, Mrs. Marlowe,
no offense meant,

but is there any reason
why you're so positive

that you're right about the
time and that we're wrong, huh?

That's easy...

Because it ain't me
you're calling wrong.

You think somebody's
wrong about the time?

Then you go talk to the TV.

To the TV?

That's right,

because when I was
washing my windows,

I was listening to the TV
inside, The Edge Of Night.

It was just going off,

and I missed the end of it

because you went squealing
away from here in that car.

Now, I saw that
car, and I saw you!

Yes, ma'am.

Thank you.

There's no use
arguing with the TV.

Nope.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Yes?

Mr. Atkins?

Yeah.

Police, sir. May we come in?

Thank you.

Thank you, Mr. Atkins.

I presume Captain Ryan told you

that, uh, we'd be stopping by?

I spoke to some
officers this afternoon,

right before the ambulance
left with Mr. Newton.

Is he okay?

He's still in a coma.

Mr. Atkins...

I'm Detective Starsky.

This is Detective Hutchinson.

Mr. Atkins?

Have you seen us before?

No, sir.

Well, you told the
officers that you had.

I-I-I didn't really
tell them what I saw.

I told them what I heard.

What you heard.

What did you hear?

W-Well, it was two guys that
came running up the stairs.

They pounded on the door,
and then they kicked it in.

Hmm.

Well, why would you
assume that was us?

Well, there must be something.

Well, you said, "Come on,
Oscar. Open up. It's me, Starsky,"

and then you said
some other stuff,

and then something like,
"Okay, kick it in, Hutch."

Those exact names?

I had to tell them what I heard.

I'm sorry.

I could tell them
I made a mistake,

if that's what you want.

I mean, uh, who could tell.

I could have gotten a
lot of names mixed up.

Mr. Atkins,

you just tell us the truth.

That's all we ask.

Doesn't make any sense.

That guy Atkins is so scared,
he'll say anything we want.

He really thinks we're the
ones that busted up Oscar.

Yeah, he's scared,

and that lady across the street

is too hot to be acting.

Something's going on.

You want to go to
the hockey game?

Nah, I don't want to
see those bums play.

You don't want to
go to a hockey game.

You don't want to watch TV.

You don't want a beer.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello? Give me that.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Hey, we get paid
to follow orders.

No, we didn't leave
any fingerprints.

We should have bounced
a g*n butt off his head.

[WHISPERING] Will you shut up?

Yeah.

I understand.

We're to stay by the phone.

Why?

What's wrong?

That junkie we roughed
up, Oscar Newton?

He's a lot tougher
than he looked.

He's still alive.

[BEEPING]

DISPATCH: Zebra
Three, Zebra Three.

See the owner of the
house at 1328 Devon.

Complaints from neighbors.

Possible prostitution activity.

Repeat, see the owner of
the house at 1328 Devon.

HUTCH: This is Zebra
Three. We are responding.

I'd still feel better

if we were out chasing
the guys that b*at up Oscar

rather than rousting hookers.

Starsky, we'll get them.

Just remember, this is the part
called earning our daily bread.

After you.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

Hi.

Hi. Hiya.

Excuse me.

Anything I can do
for you two fellows?

Well, uh,

some friends said
we might come here

and have a little fun.

Well, you came
to the right place.

Good.

Won't you come over and
make yourself comfortable.

Thank you. Okay.

Like to sit down there?

Thank you.

Hi there.

Unless you want
to sit over there.

Hello. How are you doing... oop.

Kate, you ninny!

They're cops, not tricks.

You're cops?

Afraid so.

Sorry.

Kate, sweetheart,
go do your nails.

I've done my fingernails.

Then go do your toenails.

Girls.

I'm sorry, Nikki.

Good night.

Hiya, Nikki.

Are you gonna bust me?

Well, that all
depends on you, Nikki.

You see, there've been some
complaints from the neighbors.

Well, I hear that you
two have gotten smart.

Well, what is that
supposed to mean?

How much will it
take to keep me open?

Oh, come on, Nikki.

The word on the street is
that you two are on the take.

Well, we're building
ourselves quite a reputation.

The word on the street is wrong.

I should have known it
was too good to be true.

Time to be moving on, Nikki.

All right.

The girls will be
out in an hour.

I'll pack up and be
out in the morning.

Okay?

Okay.

But if you come
back, we'll be back.

Okay?

Uh, even though it
is bad for business,

I'm glad the word on the street

is wrong.

It would be such a shame
to see you two turn rotten.

Thank you, Nikki,

but that doesn't change
anything about you moving.

Like I said,

you'll see a "For Rent"
sign tomorrow morning.

I'm already turning
out the lights.

Okay.

Uh, Hutch. Hmm?

Do you want me to send you
a card with my new address?

No.

How does it look to you?

I don't see anybody.

Okay, let's make it.

Hey, what are you doing?

You said I had until tomorrow.

[SCREAMING]

Nikki, what happened to you?

Like you don't know.

Like we don't know what?

What are you talking about?

Nikki, all we asked you
to do was to shut down.

Yeah, and I heard you,

both times.

Starsky, Hutch.

In here.

Right.

Look, call me at my office.

I'll be in all day.

Chief.

Working over a
junkie is one thing,

but when it comes to women...

What's he talking about?

That women out there
has filed a complaint.

She said you two came
to her place last night

and b*at her up. Starsky.

Did you two see her last night?

Yeah, we did.

But she was fine when we left.

Yeah?

Well, we have her
signed statement.

This time, captain,

I expect you to relieve
them of their duty.

On the complaint of a hooker?

Don't they get a hearing?

She may be a hooker,
but she has her rights.

If she's breaking the law,
then she should be arrested,

not worked over.

Chief, let me try to
explain something...

Look, if you two had any decency

or respect for the force,
you'd resign right now.

Don't hold your breath.

What's that?

Nothing.

Well, that's three, huh.

Captain, we're being framed.

Why?

Just give me one reason.

I don't know why!

If I knew why...

I wouldn't be shouting.

27 years on the force,

God knows I've had
my situations like this,

but you've gotta hang in there.

These things have a way
of working themselves out.

Why does that sound

like something
Nixon might have said

to Haldeman and Ehrlichman?

[PHONE RINGING]

Starsky.

Hi, Sharon.

No, no, no, no, no,
I didn't forget, only...

Okay, but I've
got to make it fast.

Yeah.

Yeah, right away.

That's Sharon down
in the DA's office.

I've got to give a deposition
on the Ronstan case.

Your terrific flasher
case, huh? Yeah.

Can't that wait? We've
got files to go through here.

There's got to be a wacko
out there somewhere.

I've been putting
her off for a week.

She says she has
to go to trial or drop it.

I'll see you at
your place later.

Don't get lost. How can I?

Somebody's got us fingered
every minute, day and night.

[SINGING]

Oh, hi.

[SINGING]

Fifi.

Uh, Fifi...

I thought I told you

I could only use you
once a week here.

Oh, well, I was jogging,

and there was your apartment,

so I thought I'd
come by and finish up.

Can I fix you
something for dinner?

Uh, no, I ate at the office.

Oh.

♪ Da da da ba ♪

Oh, I did the laundry.

Fifi, those are my shorts.

♪ Da da da da ♪

Look, um, Fifi, I, uh, I
really appreciate your...

spending the time here
to help me out, but I...

Your partner left that envelope.

Which?

Right there.

Starsky was here?

Uh-huh.

He was here about an hour ago.

He came by in that
jazzed-up car of his.

You saw him?

Yeah, I was cleaning
the front window.

I waved, but I guess
he didn't see me.

By the time I got off the
stool and to the front door,

he was gone.

That was leaning against it.

You're sure it was Starsky?

Yeah.

His hair needed
combing, but it was him.

♪ Da da da da da ♪

Uh, Fifi...

Oh...

Uh...

I-I hope I'm not rushing you.

Oh, that's okay.

But I really do have
some work to do.

Oh... you know,

you shouldn't eat at your desk.

Right, right, good idea.

Oh, my purse.

Your purse. Okay.

[VACUUM TURNS ON]

Purse...

Thank you, Fifi.

Thank you.

See you on, uh...

BOTH: Wednesday.

Yeah.

Okay. Thank you very much.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

[KNOCKING]

Yes, Fifi?

Here's your other
pair of, uh... Shorts.

Mm-hmm.

[WHISTLES]

STARSKY: Well, how about
a little vino and fettucini?

David!

Well, if you
don't like fettucini,

how about a little goulash?

My mother gave me a recipe
straight from the old country.

It'd knock your teeth out.
What are you laughing at?

The thought of you
toiling over a hot stove.

Hey, it gives me great pleasure.

After all, a guy's got
to toil for his "goil."

We'll talk about it later.

Right now, you're
my main witness.

[SLAPS CHAIR SEAT]

Sit.

Ah, work, work, work.

Now, David...

Yes, Sharon?

This may not be
important to you.

It is.

But if I have to prosecute
this case, I'd like to win it.

Hmm.

Oh, but the guy's
only a flasher,

and a college kid at that.

A flasher today,

but if he isn't
convicted and treated,

what's he going to be tomorrow?

Hmm.

Next week, next year...

This is the third time
he's been caught already,

and who knows how many times

he's already
gotten away with it.

If I told you once, I told
you a thousand times,

I think we ought to
push it all the way.

I think you're right.

Mm, of course you do,

that's why you can't take
your eyes off my body.

What's it going to be?

Um, fettucini.

[PHONE RINGS]

Miss Freemont.

Miss Freemont.

Oh, hi, Hutch.

Hutch?

Yeah, just a minute.

He wants to talk to
you. What do you want?

Starsk, did you stop by my
house about an hour ago?

Are you crazy? I was with you.

No, I'm not crazy,
and neither are you,

but we're both in big trouble.

We lifted a set of prints

off of the envelope
the money came in.

Can't wait to find out.

They're yours.

There's something else too.

Let me guess.

They found a dead
body in my closet.

With a b*llet in the
head from my g*n.

My Cub Scout Kn*fe in his back.

They put a tracer on that money.

And?

It's part of the 300,000 stolen
from the Mandalay Heights Bank

18 months ago, which
never showed up.

Partner,

I've got a feeling
10,000 of it just did.

That's correct.

Captain, you're going
to have to turn that in.

I know what the
rules are, Hutchinson.

Captain, there's no reason

for you to take
this ride with us.

I keep telling myself
the same thing.

How much time do you need?

36 hours is a nice round figure.

All right.

All right, you got it.

You know, captain, if
Ryan finds out about this,

you're going to be
in for some problems.

If Ryan finds out?

Let me tell you something.

I got a feeling he's
behind this whole mess.

Oh, come on.

Oh, you're here already.

I just stepped out to
get something to eat.

I was hungry, and
I have to work late.

Look, I've got places to be.

In a minute.

I don't like to be kept waiting.

Then, Mr. Ronstan, I suggest

you tell your flasher
son to keep his pants up.

There you are.

What's that?

Just a private record
of our agreement.

With your ethics, you'll
go far, Miss Freemont.

Well, let's just say
I got tired of waiting

for the Equal Rights
Amendment to be passed.

Mr. Ronstan, I realize

that a junior partnership
in your law firm

is generally worth a
great deal of money,

but I think you'll find
after I'm working with you

that I'm quite capable,

even if I did have to use this
back-door method to get in.

Now, tell me how this
incredible scheme of yours

is actually going to work.

I found a look-alike
for Sergeant Starsky,

a three-time loser who
didn't want to go up again.

Then we got lucky.

He found someone who
could pass for Starsky's partner.

You're really something.

That wasn't even the hard part.

Have you seen the
way those clowns dress?

I had to hit every
thrift shop in this city

to get the right
clothes for those guys.

You're sure it's going to work?

They'll never
know what hit them.

[♪♪♪]

David. Hmm?

Hey, I've been
looking for you guys.

Yeah.

Look, I managed to reach
most of the other deputy DAs,

which wasn't very easy, this
being a Saturday afternoon.

I've been on half the
golf courses in the city.

Any luck?

Not a thing.

They can't find any buried
case where your testimony

would be important
enough to do this to you.

All I've got's
that flasher case.

Nothing.

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Puts us right back to zero.

I'm sorry. I tried.

It's not your fault.

I guess you've got too much
on your mind for some fettucini?

Oh, uh, rain check?

Okay. Hey, I've gotta run.

Bye-bye.

Fettucini, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Some of us got it.

Yeah.

Miss Freemont was
looking for you two.

[PHONE RINGS]

Did you see her?

Yeah.

Hutchinson.

What'd you hear from Ryan?

Maybe good news.

I'm going to have to
call you back on that.

His investigators say

they might not have enough
to take you to a trial board.

What are you talking about?
Ryan's got three witnesses.

That's exactly what
I'm talking about.

They're washing out.

Nikki, the hooker,
admitted under oath

she took dr*gs that
night, so her ID won't stick.

That little guy that heard you
at Oscar Newton's packed up

and went to Detroit so
he wouldn't have to testify.

What about the lady
across the street?

They found out
her vision is 20:80.

Her glasses were
being fixed at the time.

Well, it looks like
we're off the hook, huh?

For now.

What do you mean, for now?

Well, like I told you,

these things have a way
of working themselves out,

but somebody's gone
to an awful lot of trouble

to try to ruin you two.

It may be too far to stop now.

[RINGS]

Yep.

I want you to
listen very carefully.

[LOW VOICE] You
have to go to work again.

The place is a massage parlor.

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

Are you laughing, cop?

Starsky, leave us alone.

Why don't you stick
to busting jaywalkers?

Hey, watch it!

Or do you want me to shove
that box down your throat?

Come on, Starsky,
he didn't mean it.

[BEEPING]

DISPATCH: Zebra Three,
Zebra Three. Come in, please.

Zebra Three here. Go ahead.

Zebra Three, see Chief Ryan
at the Paradise Massage Parlor,

740 Vinewood.

Zebra Three. We are responding.

It didn't take long, did it?

Nope.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER
OVER POLICE RADIOS]

There they are.

These are the
two guys that did it.

They said they're on my payroll
for a hundred dollars a week,

and he's the one that hit me...

of course, where
it doesn't show.

I don't understand any of this.

I understand it perfectly well.

And he twisted my
arms behind me.

Lady, I've never been
in your joint before.

Look, I run an
honest business here.

They have no right
threatening me,

b*ating me up.

Thank you, Miss Coppet.

We'll get in touch with you

when we need a formal statement.

You don't believe
what she said, do you?

It's not a matter of
believing just her.

You've been accused
by four separate citizens.

Four citizens?

A hooker on dr*gs,

a guy who splits
town, goes to Detroit,

a lady who needs glasses,
and now this classy broad.

Hey, who are you
calling a broad?

We weren't even
in the neighborhood.

Wait a second. What?

This might give us the
break we've been looking for.

HUTCH: What's that?

Whoever it is
that's been after us

is getting so desperate...
This is the first time

he hasn't hit in our footsteps.

That's right.

Is that a fact.

Yeah.

Mr. Klemp, please.

Yes, sir.

Now, this is Mr. Klemp.

He owns the typewriter
shop next door.

What...

Now, Mr. Klemp is not a junkie,

not a hooker.

He's just a taxpaying citizen.

Excuse me, uh, chief.

Did you hear what Starsky said?

We weren't even
in the neighborhood.

Now, does Mr. Klemp
look like a liar to you, huh?

Does he look like a man who
has something to hide, huh?

Is there any reason

why he should accuse
you of anything?

D-Don't you...

Don't you believe what
we have to say here?

Mr. Klemp, have you
seen these two men before?

Mm-hmm. A few hours ago.

I was taking out some trash.

Before I saw them, I
heard a lady scream.

Of course, in a place like this,

who can tell what goes on.

A woman screamed.

KLEMP: Mm-hmm.

And then I saw them come out,

get in that car,

and drive away.

I accidentally bumped
into that detective,

and he got so mad, I thought
he was going to hit me.

Thank you, Mr. Klemp,
that's all for now.

It's all so neat, isn't it?

Officer, will you get those
people inside, please?

Now, as of 4:25, you two
men are on suspension.

What?

You will turn your
g*n and your shields in

to your captain, as per manual.

I think you're
really enjoying this.

I enjoy the hell out
of busting dirty cops.

Dirty cops?!

Just who the hell are
you calling a dirty cop?

My partner here has been saying

that Chief Ryan is
trying to frame us.

I say, no. I say,
he wouldn't do that.

He's a good cop.
He's an honest cop.

Well, I guess I was
wrong, wasn't I?

That man's out to nail us,

and I don't know
how we stop him.

I got an idea.

What?

Oscar.

If we can get by Ryan's
man up at the hospital.

Come on.

Did you see the look on
Sweeny's face when I...

Sweeny? You should
have seen Smitty.

Hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, look at this.

Oh, I have seen some...

Ahh. Ahh.

Va va va voom!

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Look at this.

There's another one.

Oh, they're all over the place.

Howdy.

Hi, honey.

How would you like to
spend a little time with me

in intensive care, huh?

Something I can do for you?

Did you hear that?

You hear that?

Yeah.

Something she can do for us?

Well, actually, we're
here to see our pal.

That's right.

I'm sorry, but it's 10:00,

and visiting hours
were over at 8.

Oh. Oh.

Well, actually, uh,
we've been bowling.

That's right.

And we've gotta get up
tomorrow morning real early,

because we're going
jackrabbit hunting.

So we figured this would
be as good a chance as any

to come see our old buddy.

We just want to cheer him up,

let him know the guys at
the factory are pulling for him.

You are a good-looking woman.

You are. Look at those eyes.

How would you like to split a
six-pack with me after work?

That won't be necessary.

Who's your friend?

He's only the best bowler
in the Wildcat League.

That's right.

Oscar Newton?

Guys call him Skinny,
but ladies don't.

Mr. Newton?

Is something wrong?

I don't know how
to tell you this.

Your friend, he passed
away an hour ago.

Oh...

Well. I think our team
is in a lot of trouble.

Thank you, ma'am.

STARSKY: Thank you, ma'am.

[RADIO PLAYING VIOLIN MUSIC]

Come on.

STARSKY: What time is it?
HUTCH: You got the watch.

STARSKY: 7:15. HUTCH: All right.

HUTCH: Dobey should have
Ryan at the first tee right about now.

STARSKY: Well?
HUTCH: Well, yourself.

STARSKY: There's
no time like the present.

HUTCH: Okay. Come on.

Come on.

You know, if we get caught,

Ryan's going to have
you, me, and Dobey

out walking a b*at.

Yeah, well, the exercise
will probably do him good.

Will you hurry up,
for crying out loud.

I'm trying.

And turn that radio down.

Janitors have
always got a radio.

Does it have to
be classical music?

Come on!

Psst!

Psst.

Hey, Ryan's got a lot of bills.

Unpaid.

Will you turn off that radio?

Sorry.

[MUSIC STOPS]

I'd like to know what he does

with all these magazines.

Here you are.

What? Hey, wait a second,
why don't you look at these,

and I'll look over there.

You don't need a lamp.

No, I need it.

Put it in the middle.

Come on.

Shh.

Nothing.

Shh!

Sorry.

Wait a second.

What?

Look at this.

Hmm?

Judith Coppet.

Well, that's just
her police record.

That doesn't mean anything.

It proves she's got
a criminal record,

and it proves that
Ryan knows about it.

It also gives us
reasonable cause to think

that maybe Ryan might
be exerting pressure on her

to lie and to implicate us.

I mean, how could
anybody get a permit

to operate a massage parlor

with a criminal
record like this, huh?

What? What are you doing?

Getting a little
legal assistance.

I'll watch the door.

Excuse.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello.

Sharon, this is David.

Dave, this is 7:00
Sunday morning.

I know, I'm sorry,
but we need help.

Hurry up. Yeah. Lookit.

We believe that
we have a suspect,

a lady with a police record

who has been
forced to give perjury

by a police official.

Hey, come on, come
on, come on. Hurry.

Now, what we
want from your office

is a guarantee

that if she cooperates,
she will be granted immunity

from prosecution.

Uh, has she committed any
other crimes you know of?

Well, just the perjury, and
we feel that that was coerced.

Okay. Her name?

Starsk, Ryan and
Dobey are across the hall.

Judith, Judith Coppet,

704 Vinewood.

She runs a message parlor there.

Okay. When do you need this?

Yesterday.

All right. I'll get on it.

Give me a couple of hours.
I'll have to raise my boss.

Now that you've ransacked
half my office, why stop now?

Hello.

Hello. Didn't
expect me, did you.

Uh-uh.

Uh, captain, you
were supposed to, uh...

Take me golfing, huh?

Yeah.

So that you two
could have a field day.

Uh, captain,

Captain, we, uh, we found, uh...

Judy Coppet's
police record there

next to, uh, the, uh...
Chief Ryan's ink blotter.

Which is probably enough
to send me to prison, right?

Uh, it was just
a bit of a mix-up.

I want to talk to you two men.

You did enough talking, Harold.

Right, chief.

Imagine explaining to the judge

why you needed a search
warrant so that these two clowns...

Get over here where
I can watch you.

Yes, sir.

To break into my office

must have been
quite a mouthful, huh?

Chief, you know, it's
always been your policy

to stick with the men.

Yeah.

Sure, I pulled
Judy Coppet's file,

and a lot of others,
after we had that little talk

in front of the massage
parlor last night.

You mean you weren't
trying to frame us?

Why would the
chief of detectives

frame two sergeants?

What's the matter
with you, Hutchinson?

Well, somebody's
trying to frame us.

Does the name Ronstan
mean anything to you?

Ronstan?

Ronstan...

Oh, you mean that case
of indecent exposure?

Oh, we're supposed to
testify on that next week...

Oh, come on.

You don't mean that...

Oh, you don't mean that
some kid who's a flasher,

just some college kid, is...

A college kid whose
father happens to head

the largest law firm
on the west coast,

a father who has
hopes of seeing his son

serving in congress,
and maybe more.

You know, a kid
with a morals charge

can hardly get off the ground.

Well, chief, Ronstan couldn't
have done it by himself.

He didn't.

He had a contact within
the city's justice department.

Sharon Freemont?

That's right.

Ronstan, Sr. gave me
a complete statement

a little before
midnight last night.

Oh, my God.

I just spoke to her and
asked her for immunity

for Judith Coppet.

You just signed that
woman's death warrant.

All right, call Judith Coppet.

Tell her to get out of
that massage parlor.

Hutch and I'll be
there in five minutes.

[RINGS]

Yeah.

Judy Coppet, over at
the massage parlor...

Either she's dead
before the hour is up,

or we're all spending a
very long time in prison.

[SIREN APPROACHING]

[HORN HONKING]

[HORN HONKING]

Zebra Three to
Central... Watch it.

Go ahead, Zebra Three.

Yeah, we're going
east on Riverside,

in pursuit of a red
Torino with a white stripe.

Got it, Zebra Three. Starsk...

A red Tori... Wait
a minute, Hutch.

You heard me. Just
broadcast it, will you?

We are heading
south on Kensington.

Call all black and
whites in the area

and tell them to be careful.

But, Hutch, the red
Torino with a white stripe...

That's Starsky's car.

Remind them that the bad
guys are in the other car.

The bad guys are
in the other car.

In the first car. I know
they're in the first car.

We wouldn't be
chasing them if...

But they don't know
that they're in the first car.

Would you tell them, please?

Bad guys, in the first car.
We're in the second car.

Aah!

Drop it!

Hey.

Where are you from?

[SIRENS APPROACHING]

Get down.

Aagh.

Anybody else?

Just the two of them.

This guy looks
like you, Starsky.

Yeah?

COP: Hey, Hutch, he
could be your brother.

I don't have a brother.

Book them, will you?

Hey, you know something?

That guy does look like you.

No, he doesn't.

Yeah. He bleaches his hair.

It's also parted
on the wrong side.

The other guy looks
like you, though.

No?

Yeah.

I'm much better looking.

Oh, I-I don't think so.

No?

No.

♪ I found my thrill ♪

♪ Ba ba ba ba bom ♪

♪ On Blueberry Hill ♪

She must have been an owl.

My records are gone.

Where are my records?

Oh, the cleaning lady
must have moved them.

♪ When I found you ♪

Are you sure the
cleaning lady was in today?

Yeah, she called
me at the station.

She said, "Your Fats Domino
record has finally come in."

Another big fan.

Hey, when I was a kid,
that fat man was king.

Now, where are they?

I don't know.

♪ I found my thrill ♪

Starsk.

What?

♪ On Blueberry Hill ♪

Starsk. Starsk.

What?

The thrill is gone.
What do you mean?

So is your Playboy collection.

Hmm?

You've been robbed.

It looks like your
bedroom window there

has been pried open.

My bedroom window's been what?

Pried open.

I've been waiting six months

for that Fats Domino album,

and now you're trying
to tell me that my...

My bedroom window's
been pried open.

HUTCH: Mm-hmm.

I'm going to call the station

and get the lab team...

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Not for a lousy
set of centerfolds

and a Fats Domino record.

You don't understand.
I've been robbed.

Starsky, get ahold of yourself.

Yeah, but somebody
broke into my house,

and they looked
through all my things...

Will you calm down?
Just calm down.

You've been victimized.

Now, we deal with
these things every day.

People all over the world

are getting robbed every day.

Uh, you know that tennis
racket you loaned me?

Yeah, that's better.

That's gone too.

Where's your phone?

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]