A factory mix-up
with the voice box
of popular Girlfriends doll
Randi Jenkins
has caused the company
to issue a recall.
Look, Mommy!
Oh, let's see what
she says, honey.
k*ll Mommy!
Now, though the company insists
that the doll was simply saying,
the Spanish phrase,
"Quiero, Mami,"
it has left a lot of frightened
families saying, "No comprendé."
At least you know
this little girl will have
a future in horror films.
This is a disaster
for the company.
It's worse than the time
Barbie said math was hard.
Math is the least
of her worries.
She lives in Malibu.
It's always on fire.
We need your help. Randi Jenkins
was our-our top seller,
and-and we are not
going to let her...
you go down without a fight.
Well, uh, perhaps America
just needs to be reminded
what a national treasure
you have here in Randi,
and how her eyes...
which never seem to leave you...
- uh, light up a room.
- Great.
We can rehab her, Garrett.
Would you like some tea?
America loves a second act.
I mean, who among us
hasn't recovered
from an ill-timed
Katrina pun
or flashing the fertile crescent
while getting out of a limo?
If I could learn not to wear
a kilt to a business meeting,
little Randi can learn
to keep her murderous
thoughts to herself.
Yeah, move over Adam Levine,
see ya later, big guy.
America's got a new sweetheart.
How about this? A national
apology tour with Randi Jenkins
- as the grand marshal.
- Yeah, we can do
mall appearances, radio spots.
Essentially reintroduce her
- to the country.
- Randi loved malls.
So what do you say?
Are you ready for us to
dig you out of the hole
that Randi's little
potty mouth has put you in?
We need the campaign by Friday.
Done and done.
Well, then I guess
it's safe to say
all eight of us
are in agreement.
- Okay.
- One, two, three,
four, five, six, seven, eight.
Mister, are you a doll?
A lot of people think I am.
Can I touch your hair?
Uh, yeah, just, uh, be careful.
Uh, I think this is yours.
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh. ♪
Good morning.
Hello.
You're looking pretty chipper.
Have another dream
about One Direction?
No, and I told you
that in confidence.
And every one of those boys
is of legal age now,
so it's not even wrong.
Yeah, I'm in a good mood,
but we don't have
to talk about it.
Oh, it's about a guy.
Come on, Syd.
We're friends. We're past
all that weird stuff.
You can tell me.
It is not a big deal.
I just have a first date
with some guy on Friday.
Some guy?!
He's a doctor and so hot.
They met a month ago
at a party,
had crazy chemistry.
The both like popcorn shrimp, The
Container Store, and Debbie Gibson.
I mean, if you like one,
chances are you're gonna
like the others.
Ah, cool. I think that's great.
You're getting out there,
playing the field casually.
Casually?! Girl is
planning to lock it down!
I mean, this is her moment.
He broke up with his
fiancée eight months ago,
has had two rebounds since,
and now is in the perfect zone
to commit to a woman
named this bitch.
I mean, my boss, Sydney.
She's exaggerating.
I didn't say that...
exactly like that.
Two rebounds in eight months.
He sounds like a player.
Is it such a big deal
these days to be a doctor?
Pediatrician.
Oh, so he's not
qualified to work
on adults then.
He is pretty amazing.
He's a triathlete,
he likes Court TV,
and in his free time,
sommeliers.
Not a verb.
And best of all,
they're both workaholics,
so all their sex
will be "miss you" sex.
Gosh, I'm glad I asked you
to move everything from
that pile to that pile.
Look, Syd,
he sounds incredible.
Just don't get your hopes up
too high.
You know, no plan is foolproof.
Oh, my God, I don't have a plan.
So we go out on Friday,
maybe his kisses me, and then,
you know, I hold out
for the goods till,
like, date six;
let him know I'm a lady.
And sure, you know,
we get engaged over Thanksgiving
when his mother gives us
a blessing
after a last-minute save
of her dry turkey.
I wrap it in bacon.
But I mean, it's not like
I have us marching down the
aisle to a string quartet
playing a classically arranged
version of Debbie Gibson's
1989 hit "Lost in Your Eyes."
Because I'm not insane.
Clearly not insane.
Sydney, listen, I know you have
a lot going on,
but I need you to take on
the Girlfriends print ads, too.
Brad and Asian Brad
just called in sick.
Oh, Lindsay and Dawn
just called in sick, too.
You know, I offered free flu
sh*ts last month. No one came.
I blame Jenny McCarthy.
I blame Zach.
That little girl
coughed right in
your face yesterday.
Did no one teach you how
to vampire cough into your arm?
No. No, my mom always said
my germs were sweet.
She lied. Go home.
You can't leave.
We're already short-staffed.
He's right. We need all hands
on deck for this apology tour.
- And I hate being alone
when I'm sick. - Me, too.
Dad, Kyle and I have been trying
to schedule this date forever.
If somebody gets me sick
and I miss Friday,
some other girl is just
gonna snatch him up.
Don't you want grandkids?
Yes, but I want Zach more.
That sounds wrong.
I want grandkids,
but I want Zach more.
You just said the same thing.
Sounded different in my mind.
Okay, fine. People
can stay and work.
But anyone who's sick gets
separated from the gen pop.
So into your cage,
outbreak monkey.
You're gonna quarantine me?
Come on, Sneezy.
Grumpy has spoken.
I'm not sick;
it's like a baby's cough.
Yeah, a baby who
smokes a pack a day.
Guys, you're being
a little over the top.
I'm not sick.
I feel fine.
- I feel fine. - Uhhuh.
Lock it down.
Whew!
Okay.
Okay, that's not gonna keep me
in here.
You know that right?
It doesn't even...
This isn't natural, okay?
God didn't make me
to be alone, guys.
Simon, can I come in?
I promise I'm not sick.
Oh, please, I've flatlined
three times, dear.
The flu is like a flea fart
in a hurricane to me.
Oh.
What can I do you for?
Well, as you know,
I'm a huge fan
of the Girlfriends dolls.
I've collected them since
I was a kid. And since the
office is so shorthanded,
I'd like to help coordinate
the apology tour
at the Girlfriends store.
Well pardon-mo.
Sorry, Lauren. I'm back.
Apology tour. Keep going.
Well, we can invite the girl
from the YouTube video.
What better way to apologize
to America than to first say
I'm sorry
to her sad little face?
- That is a fantastic idea.
- Oh.
I wish I'd come up
with it myself.
Actually, I did.
I'm sure you'll
vouch for me, won't you?
Oh, uh, yes, of course I will.
Ha! Loyalty test!
You just passed!
- Oh, yay!
- You'll be working
with Marsha
for in-store promotions.
And if you need help,
Zach's in the conference room.
Thank you so much, Simon.
I promise I won't let you down.
- It's your time to shine, baby.
- Thanks.
Shh, it's our secret.
What are you doing?
Aren't you banish-ed?
Shh-shh. The headmistress
will hear you. I got hungry.
Do you know how to cut the
corners off of grilled cheese?
Yeah, I do. I'm not gonna
bite it into the shape
- of a heart for you, though.
- That's hurtful.
Sorry. So what
do you think
about the whole Sydney "I'm gonna
lock down Kyle" situation?
- That's weird, right?
- No, girl needs a win.
Her last date took her
to Chili's, bowling,
then to the symphony
with special guest Yo-Yo Ma.
That was me. We had
a friend night out.
So the story's even sadder
than I thought.
We were in the presence
of a master cellist.
The point is, she's
moving so fast,
it's like she's planning out
her whole life with this guy.
It's-It's uncomfortable
to watch, right?
Ah, so it's like that, huh?
Well, what do you care?
Aren't you back on with Nancy?
Oh, she gave me a chore wheel.
A man draws a line somewhere.
Whew. Glad you made it out.
Thanks. Glad to be here.
But what about
this whole Sydney thing?
I mean, it's weird, right?
Well, clearly, you know,
you two have a thing
with the tragic friend dates
and all the looks.
What, she looks at me?
Yeah. The only problem
is you two
never look at each other
at the same time.
What, I should try to make that happen?
I'm not really sure
it matters, but once she goes
on that date with Dr. Kyle,
it's anyone's game.
Well, really, it's his game.
He'll be the winner
of that game.
Will you feel my forehead?
No. So what would I do?
I can't upend the date.
That would be sophomoric.
And it's unnecessary.
He's not perfect, right?
Well, let's see.
He's a six-foot-two triathlete
who occasionally sommeliers.
It's not a verb.
It's a profession.
You don't say,
"Hey, Mr. President,
have fun presidenting today."
You know, for a guy
who knows his verbs,
I don't see you doing anything.
Whew! "m*rder-su1c1de
rate among doctors"
"on the rise with no
ceiling in sight.
Half their victims are
their spouses"? Yeesh!
Hey, Syd, you want
to borrow this?
Mm. I'm no longer
accepting paper.
All communication is to be
done in electronic form.
Ms. Roberts,
can you sign this?
Oh! Forge it!
Hmm...
Kyle just sent me a selfie.
What do I do?
Ooh, send him one back,
but no face if you're
gonna do a boob sh*t.
Thank you for watching my back.
And my front.
Does Kyle have
a fetish for SARS?
Oh.
Damn it, Andrew! Every one?
Okay.
This bitch
is gonna lock it down!
Footsteps, footsteps.
Shh!
Simon, I have a preliminary
itinerary for the event...
What's going on?
I've been hiding Osama bin
Hacking from the Sydney drone.
- Shh.
- I needed him, okay?
Listen, we came up with an
idea for an online contest
where girls across America
record their best...
Do the voice, do the voice.
- Okay, okay. I'm "sowwy."
- And the best, "I'm sowwy" gets
to be the voice of a limited-
edition Randi Jenkins doll.
And to test it out, we hacked
into Randi's voice box.
Oh, there he is!
There he is!
When Andrew hears
the lines we recorded,
he's gonna be terrified.
Now wait for it.
Wait for it.
I like your blue-striped
pajamas, Andrew.
It creeped him out.
He's creeped out, he's creeped out.
Oh, Zach, you are sick.
Do not come near me.
So you're treating me
like a leper, too, now?
What about the sexy times
we had, huh? We swapped more
than oxygen, young lady.
She's right.
If Syd sees you, she'll flip.
Get back to work in District 9.
As for you, Marsha's sick.
You're gonna be
in charge of the whole event.
Are you up for this, lady?
- Yes.
- Okay, first of all,
you have to coordinate
the guest list.
Get all the press passes
in order and make sure that
all three of these dolls make it
back to the store for the event.
And no stopping for ice cweam
or twamp stamps, okay?
- I won't.
- Okay.
Good luck.
Hey, Lauren, this is
a big deal, yeah.
Yeah, do you want
me to help you?
I can pitch while you flush
my nasal passages
with my Neti Pot.
I can handle this on my own.
Okay, fine. Maybe just
the Neti Pot then,
but there's gonna be some pretty
unpleasant stuff that comes
out of me, so when I say so...
...you have to look away,
because I don't want to spoil
what I imagine is a pretty
perfect image of me.
Zach, I'm not touching you,
okay? Go away!
- I can't afford to get...
- Uhoh.
I'm not sick.
This is my moment.
Now get back in there
with your kind.
No one is immune to this.
It's coming for you.
It's coming for you.
Mm. Okay.
So the kickoff
is this afternoon,
and then the radio spots
are gonna roll out
this weekend,
And then Monday
we launch the Forgive
and Forget campaign.
Right.
Which is where?
What is that?
Glass of water,
three-e-urths full.
Okay, but why did
you put it there?
I didn't touch it.
I didn't... uh, Zach, tell her.
I don't know what
she's accusing me of.
Guys, I...
What are you talking about?
Somebody just come in here
- and rub my head, please.
- I'll do it.
No, Fern, leave me alone,
back to work.
Are you trying to get me sick?
What?
No. Why would I want to do that?
Because you don't want me
to go out with Kyle.
Aw, come on.
- That's ridic.
- That is why
you've been acting
so weird all week.
Handing me articles on su1c1de,
photobombing all
of my pictures...
I was filling in
the blank space.
- I know how to stage a selfie.
- Ah...
I thought we were past this.
We are.
Look, you're just
moving so fast
with this guy that you
barely even know...
I know a lot about him.
I mean, he gardens,
- he cooks... - Oh, yeah,
and he triathletes,
he pediatrishes, we get it.
- Are you jealous?
- What?
No... I'm not jealous.
But you can't deny the fact
that no matter how many times
we say "we're just friends,"
there's something else
between us, and I'm not
the only one who thinks that.
Oh, please, let's not
talk about this.
Well, tell me I'm wrong.
Just say it, because
my affections and
wishes are unchanged,
but one word from you
will silence me
on this subject forever.
That's from
Pride and Prejudice.
So?
Jane Austen doesn't own words.
Go ahead. Tell me.
Okay, yes, but please,
could we just not
do this, not now?
Not now, but maybe you'd
go for it in the future?
Say, when you've run out
of better choices?
I didn't say that.
No, I get it. I'm your backup guy.
You're putting words
in my mouth. Mean words. That's great.
Well, guess what.
It's over.
I'm ending our
future relationship.
- You can't do that.
- I just did it.
But we don't even
have a relationship.
Yeah, because it's
in the future.
A future which now
no longer exists.
Okay, fine.
You want to know
what I think about
when I think about us?
I think about what happens
if it doesn't work out.
Then what?
I mean, we just go back
to being friends?
You know, and then
suddenly you stop
making fun of me
for the beach blazer,
and I stop telling you
that peeling an orange
in one piece is not
a superpower, it's OCD?
Because now, all of a
sudden, everything is laden
with stuff.
And then we-we
stop hanging out
and the next thing that I know,
I've lost my best friend.
Why are you asking me
to take that chance?
You're right.
I'm sorry. Shh. That's my phone.
Where is it?
It's Kyle calling.
Wait, is that Debbie Gibson's
- "Lost in Your Eyes"? You didn't...
- No judging, just looking, okay?
He could be calling
to reschedule.
I thought it was mine.
I'm sowwy.
I-I can't go in there.
No.
But I can.
I see the sexual
harassment seminar
was more of a how-to
workshop for you, Fern.
Hello, friend.
It's easier if you don't fight.
The illness, that is,
not Fern.
Always fight Fern.
You sacrificed
your health for me.
That's what friends are for.
Thank you, Andrew.
Now put the phone
down and step away.
As Mr. Bennett told his
daughter in P and P,
I have been a selfish being
all my life in practice,
though not in principle.
It is a beautiful
day for an apology tour,
and although we all wish
this unfortunate
incident didn't happen,
I'd be lying if I said.
Randi didn't love
all this attention.
You talk about her
like she's a real person.
I'm sorry?
Look how happy that little
girl from YouTube is.
Looks like she finally
got a handle on
- her PTSD.
- It's all you.
And a My Little Pony Prozac.
Zach, my man.
I'm here with Lauren,
the woman of the hour.
Hey, listen, Simon, where's
the mean Randi Jenkins doll?
This one just says,
"I'm beautiful,"
and that's not gonna
scare Andrew.
Lauren, which dolls
did you send back?
Um, three of them,
like you asked.
Uh-huh.
- Oh, no.
- No.
And now,
I give you the new, improved.
Sweet Randi Jenkins.
You're beautiful on the inside.
Not that one.
I'm so glad we're friend again.
Oh, no, not that poor,
unstable girl.
Excuse me, excuse me, coming through.
Hey, everybody!
How we doing here today?
How we doing? Hello, kids.
You having a good time today?
Hey!
Give yourself
a round of applause.
And give this man a round
of applause for having
the courage to wear
that mustard vest, huh?
How about that?
- Okay.
- What's going on?
I have no idea.
I would hardly call that
mustard.
- Sweetheart, can I
borrow your doll? - No.
Well, how about if
I give you a quarter?
I-I have a quarter
here somewhere.
This is literally the poster
for "stranger danger."
I told you.
She's mine,
and I want to hear
what she says.
Oh, no, you don't,
you really don't.
You'd look better
with no eyes.
- Now it's my turn...
- You know what "déjà vu" means?
...to cut your hair. Please, can
I just borrow the doll from you?
You can't see my teeth,
but you'll feel them.
Nobody loves you.
Now, you see?
You're gonna love me when you're dead.
She's really not friendly.
Can I borrow her
just for a second?
I want to stick
pencils in your ears.
There's got to be
a button somewhere.
I'll save your dog for last.
Ooh, stop hearing.
You can't scream
without a tongue.
- What's your blood type?
- Stop, stop, stop!
Mine's hungry.
Your insides will be fun to eat.
Don't make me do this.
I'll see you in hell.
♪ Looking in your eyes ♪
♪ I see a paradise ♪
♪ This world that I've found ♪
♪ Is too good to be true ♪
♪ Standing here beside you ♪
♪ Want so much to give you ♪
♪ This love in my heart ♪
♪ That I'm feeling for you ♪
♪ Let 'em see we're crazy ♪
♪ I don't care about that ♪
Aw... they're cheering me on.
Keep up the good work, you guys!
♪ Let the world around us ♪
Well, look to the
bright side, buddy:
you, you have me,
and I need help
with this Neti Pot.
♪ We can build
this thing together ♪
♪ Standin' strong forever ♪
♪ Nothing's gonna stop us now ♪
♪ Hey ♪
You didn't vampire cough?
Oh.
I-I usually do.
I... I'm actually
very good at it.
See?
No, I...
I'm not sick.
I-I'm sorry, I really...
I can't take a chance.
You know, for the sake of the children.
But we'll reschedule.
I have a mask.
Have we met?
Hey.
Need any help?
Oh.
Yeah, I guess.
- Here you go.
- Simon,
I just want you to know
what an honor it has been
to work for you.
In the future, every time
I make a half-caf
breve latte
with an ironic foam
design of my choosing,
I'll think of you.
That is so sweet.
But where are you going?
You're f*ring me.
That's why we're
packing my stuff.
Oh, I thought
you were stealing.
I can't fire you.
I need you to help with
the apology tour
for the apology tour.
Girlfriends didn't let us go?
Oh, no. Turns out Garrett
believes everything
that Randi Jenkins says.
Lewis, Roberts & Roberts
is the premier agency
in this town.
If they go, I go.
We got 'em.
But I blew my one big moment.
Oh, no, no.
Your big moment was a year ago,
sitting across
from me in my office
and handing me
a four-page résumé.
Can type 80 words a minute...
Can field-dress
a moose...
Can forge any signature
after only seeing it once?
Well, this I gotta see.
Right.
When I hired you, I knew
there'd be a lot of moments
and I can't wait
to see what's next.
Yeah.
Come on.
Let's unpack.
Sorry about your date.
Oh, that's okay.
I'm not sure I even believe
that stuff anyway.
Fate, timing...
Life is just random chaos,
and then you die.
Hey, hey.
Come on, save it for
your children's book.
I just don't get it.
I mean, I took every precaution
not to get sick.
I must've OD'd
on Oscsclococcinum.
How did this happen?
Shh...
I guess fate just
had its own plan.
Is anyone gonna make soup?
Chicken & Stars,
and you could
throw in some crackers.
Don't freeze me out.
Say something, please.
Shh.
I'm sowwy.
You okay?
Yeah.
Okay, fine!
Fine.
People can work,
and they can stay...
not you.
You know, um...
I'm sowwy.
Did you hear me, guys?
Shh.
Quiet.
Get me popcorn, Andrew.
I'll k*ll you
- in your sleep.
- It's the doll.
Play right now.
Flashback funny.
Meanwhile, across town,
Bill D'Elia sits at a monitor.
Flashback funny.
You hate me, don't you?
I know who you are.
Oh...
Game over, boys and girls.
Bring in the stunt doll.
01x13 - Outbreak
Watch/Buy Amazon
Loosely based on the life experiences of John R. Montgomery while he worked at Leo Burnett advertising in Chicago.
Loosely based on the life experiences of John R. Montgomery while he worked at Leo Burnett advertising in Chicago.