02x21 - Wild Cards

[bunniefuu]

Uh-huh. That's it. Right there.

No, it's not.

I think I would know.

Really?

When did you ever
tap into bank records?

Do they even have
banks on thanagar?

Back off. I know what I'm doing.

Don't...

What is it with you?

Every time we're
together, you're like this.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Yes, you do.

Batman, we've got the address.

And our demographics
are growing every week.

More 18-to-30's, more kids,

Even more old people, for
what that's worth. Ha ha.

So, if you want to sell
hamburgers and tacos,

We're the ones who can...

Uh!

You sold airtime to something

Called gwynplane entertainment.

What is this? You can't
just sneak in here and...

You can't let them have it.

Look, I don't care who
you are. You're not gonna...

Gwynplane
entertainment is the joker.

He goes on in 15 seconds.

Cut the feed.

Just do it! I'll explain later.

Oh, no. He must have bought time

On the other channels, too.

Ah, ah, ah. Don't
touch that remote.

I know it's heartbreaking

To have your favorite
shows preempted,

But look what you're
getting instead...

Me and a whole truckload

Of mindless v*olence and
wanton property damage,

Everything that makes tv great!

So stay tuned. You
won't believe your eyes.

Here's how we do
this little tango.

I've tucked away a
great big time b*mb

Somewhere on the vegas strip.

Only the justice
league can stop it,

Because if anyone
else tries, I press this,

And kablooie, no waiting.

Now, I know you'll want
to see the big b*mb hunt

From the best
possible angles, so...

I've set up hundreds of
cameras all over town.

The league won't be able to burp

Without us looking in on them.

And since every
good suspense show

Has to have a ticking
clock, here's mine.

Oh, what were you
expecting from me,

A round number?

Ooh! Our very first
remote is coming in.

What's happening
up there, cupcake?

I've over the south
end of the strip, mr. J.,

And it looks like word
got out pretty quick.

The people here are so scared

They're even willing
to go to los angeles.

Harl, sorry to interrupt,

But I see one of our stars
approaching the red carpet.

And he's in black. Always chic.

But here come the
fashion disasters.

I'm surprised their mommies

Let them out of the
house looking like that.

While they stumble around
trying to find my b*mb,

Let's see how the
local economy is doing.

Oh, it looks a little slow.

Ma'am? Ma'am! Aren't you scared?

Of what? This thing's

Got to pay off sooner or later.

Man, I love this town!

Now back to the boy in blue.

Clueless, as usual.

Wait a minute. Harley,
are you getting this?

Sure am, mr. J.

It's almost as if he can see it.

See it? Oh, of
course he can see it.

He's got x-ray vision.

Silly me.

Big one.

You were expecting
anything less from the joker?

Oh, whoa is me...

Or whoa would be me,
except this is vegas.

So I've got a card
or 2 up my sleeve.

Watch.

Looks like a binary setup,

But I can't tell
what chemicals he's...

Uh!

Ladies and gentlemen,

Tonight's extra-special
guest stars,

Making their world debut...
The royal flush g*ng.

Jack...

10...

King...

And, oh... Queen.

Grr!

Aah!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Oh, dear. It looks like

They're not going to
stop the b*mb after all...

Wait! Him again.
It's always him.

Time for more of
that mindless v*olence

I was talking about, kiddies.

No fair! No fair!

You're breaking an
old man's heart, kids.

Stand up to
them, like I would...

If I were there

And if I had superpowers and...

Oh, for pete's sake! Go
back there and b*at on them!

That's more like it.

But I'll bet you folks at home

Are wondering who
these wild cards are.

Let's go up-close and personal.

The tale of the royal flush g*ng

Begins in the arizona
desert at a secret facility

Where 5 innocent
children were taken

After being snatched from
their families by the government.

They promised to
educate the kids,

Give them a home,

But they wanted
something in return,

Because, you see,
each of these kids

Was born with a
mysterious power.

10 Feels no pain...

Literally.

And he's every bit as
strong as stupidman.

King's a real ball of fire.

Jack's just a
flexible kind of guy.

Very flexible.

And queen has a
magnetic personality.

That just leaves ace.

Poor, lonely ace.

More on you later, my dear.

The government said
it was protecting them,

But what it really wanted was
to make them into human weapons.

And they would have
gotten away with it, too,

If not for me
meddling with the kids.

I made an arrangement
with their headmaster.

He seemed happy enough with it.

And so did the kids.

They were so grateful
for their freedom,

They've stuck to me
like flypaper ever since.

The playing-card
thing was something

I thought of off
the top of my head.

It made them into
one big, happy family.

The food's a lot better

Since we signed
on with the j-man.

I like his style.
Joker's a class act.

Don't get me wrong. These
guys give good backup,

But they don't call
me king for nothing.

A real genius, that one.

I am the most powerful and...

One of the most powerful.

Why shouldn't I be in charge?

Maybe I saw a bit of myself

In their psychopathic
little faces.

How could I resist?

Now let's see how
batman is doing.

Will he defuse the b*mb,
or will he be bat soup?

Gotcha!

We've got trouble.
The b*mb's a fake.

Ooh, now it's getting good.

Wouldn't you agree?

So, we just let them go?

For now.

Our first priority is
finding the real b*mb.

Just give me a second.

There we go. Found it.

No. Wait. There's another one.

2 More.

3.

25.

There are 25 bombs.

Surprise! This is where
we change all the rules.

There are 25 of my
little party favors

Hidden all over the strip,

And they're set to go off in...

Oh, dear. That's
not a lot of time.

And the last one's on the
main floor of the sphinx hotel.

Split up and take them out.

Stay in communication.
Let's move!

Oh, thrilling, isn't it?

The suspense is k*lling me.

Of course, it's going to be
the explosions that k*ll them.

First one's a
dummy. I'm moving on.

I was hoping someone would
drown trying to disarm it.

C'est la vie.

The good news is it looks
like the bat is getting warm.

Getting warm, I said.

He's next to a volcano!

That's enough. Nobody
likes a brown-nose.

While there's a
break in the action,

Let's see who the
oddsmakers favor.

Smart money's all
on your boy jack, mr. J.

Batman has the
edge in experience...

And weight, I
can't help noticing.

I suspect he's indulging
in too many bat donuts.

But jack is younger,

And he definitely
has the longer reach.

Running out of time, bats.

I'll stop them.

Wasn't talking about
the bombs, old man.

Tired, grandpa?

Much as I hate to miss
any of batman's whuppin',

Flash has found one
of my party favors.

Let's see if he's as
stupid as he looks.

This bites.

You'd think the off switch
would have a label on it.

I wouldn't do
that if I were you.

The b*mb's got a
motion detector.

If you try to
move it, it'll blow.

You have to defuse it
to take it out of play.

No cheating.

How do I know you're
telling the truth?

Maybe I'm lying. Try me.

Batman, I've got a problem.

You... Don't... Say.

Uh!

I found a b*mb.

You've got to talk me
through disarming it.

Ok, remove the lid.

Already done.

Don't jump ahead!
Do exactly as I say.

I opened it before I called.

Uh!

Batman, you ok?

Grasp the red metal
collar with both hands.

Pull it straight up.

It's magnetized.
Don't touch the sides,

Or it'll blow up
the whole block.

Done.

Disconnect the
following wires in... Aah!

In precisely this order...

Blue, yellow-and-black
striped, red, then black.

Ok. What next?

You're done. Find another one.

I'm on it.

Spoilsport.

What do you say we catch
up to the big blue buffoon?

Out of my way. You don't
know what you're doing.

Yeah, I do. I'm kicking
superman's butt.

While they duke it out,

Let's go over to amos
fortune's casino and resort,

Where green lantern
has found another b*mb.

I can't believe he
didn't suspect a trap.

See what happens when you
don't watch enough television?

Done yet?

I haven't even started.

Hey, joan of arc, you
want to take me on?

Shouldn't have done that.

Why not put a
force field around it

And let it blow?

I don't know if I can contain

An expl*si*n that size.

Maybe you should
let me defuse it.

Maybe you should shut up!

Whew! Is it just me,

Or is there something
going on between those two?

Will green lantern ever
admit to his feelings?

Will hawkgirl ever stop
sublimating her passions

With that big honking mace?

Will true love conquer all?

Not on my show.

Aah!

John!